


Above and Below

by IntrospectiveInquisitor



Series: Gundertale! [1]
Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Humor, Comedy, Fluff, Gender-Neutral Chara, Gender-Neutral Frisk, Like very minor, Minor Original Character(s), Monsters are total weirdos, Multi, Slow building plot, Violence, comical violence but warning anyway, friendship abounds
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-24
Updated: 2016-01-30
Packaged: 2018-05-03 05:33:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 89
Words: 175,674
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5278613
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IntrospectiveInquisitor/pseuds/IntrospectiveInquisitor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Everyone deserves a Happy Ending... right? But how far will someone go to get that ending? </p><p> Chapter 1 revised 1/27/16</p><p>Act 1: 1-33<br/>Act 2: 34-62<br/>Act 2.5: 63-71<br/>Act 3: 72-89<br/></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Funderdale

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reviiiiised! Now it isn't garbage! Also feedback is my fetish, so no kinkshaming pls.
> 
> Art is by my beloved boyfriend: http://kalibhime.deviantart.com/

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Be sure to check out the companion story Over and Under http://archiveofourown.org/works/5633956/chapters/12975757  
> which is being written by a good friend of mine.

Light trickled down, and bled through their eyelids. Frisk frowned lightly, turning over and nestling deeper into their soft, spongy bed. They couldn't remember why, but their back ached like a heart that is breaky, and they were almost sure their bed wasn't made of cake. Almost. Deciding to sleep on the matter, they immediately fell back into unconsciousness. Or they would have, had their aforementioned back not been so achy and/or breaky. Thoroughly irritated, they scuttled off their bed on hands and knees, and somehow avoided crashing onto the floor, as they had expected. They glanced backwards in confusion, and saw their own imprint in a bed of golden flowers. They admired how cute it was for several long moments before deciding it was time to find medical attention for their probably destroyed spine. They flopped out of the flower room like a dying fish, smacking loudly against the floor each time they did so. And then, in the next room, they saw another flower! Only it had... like, a face. Immediately on the defensive, they pulled their trusty stick out of somewhere that will remained unmentioned, and struck a duelist's pose. They knew that grass types resisted grass moves, but they didn't exactly have another option. Also seeing as they were on the floor, the posing thing didn't pan out too well. 

The flower stared at them in confusion, tilting his head(?) to the side. "Uh... you alright there, pal?" He got a thumbs up in return, and decided that was good enough. "Ahem... howdy! I'm Flowey the Flower, and I get the feeling you and me are gonna get on just swell!" His voice rose until it was ridiculously high pitched and chipper, and he winked at them several times in a row. "You're new around here, huh? No worries! I'll be happy to give you the lay of the land. Ready? Here we go!" 

Frisk felt a brief tugging sensation on their chest, and then a small, stylistic red heart emerged from their chest. It was a bright candy red, and glowed with a soft light. They immediately reached out to touch it. Flowey wasted no time in continuing to speak. "You see that? That's your SOUL! It's eeeevery little bit of what makes you who you are, crammed together into one place. Pretty neat, hu- HEY, stop that!" The flower snapped, causing Frisk to pause in the middle of putting the heart in their mouth. "Those are not for eating! Sheesh, figures I'd get a crazy one," he mumbled, just quiet enough for Frisk to totally ignore. "As I was saying... every SOUL starts out weak. But it gets stronger if you get enough LV. That stands for LOVE!" Flowey winked again, tongue sticking out. How lewd. "Say.. how about I share some LOVE with you? Doesn't that just sound swell?" His petals ruffled, and from within emerged a circle of slowly spinning pellets. "Down here, we share LOVE through... little white..." Flowey squinted, wheedling and waffling. "Frrrrr...iendship beans. Yeah. So, uh... just go ahead and catch as many as you can, okay?" The 'friendship beans' sloooowly hovered towards Frisk, who stood there like a statue as they approached.

And then, moments before impact, they blasted into action! They danced and twirled and boogied and got low like it was their day job, which it very well might have been. Fast paced EDM played from somewhere in the background as the human tore it up. Flowey watched on in stark bewilderment as they continued dancing, long after they'd moved out of the way of his friendship beans. "Uhhh...." Frisk proceeded to freestyle like a mad motha' fucka', cycling through moves faster than Flowey could even comprehend. "Maybe... collect the beans this time?" He suggested tightly, cheerful smile twitching. Another round of beans rose from his petals, moving much more quickly towards the human. These too were easily danced around. "Okay, is this some kind of joke? What the heck is even going on?! Just get hit by the bullets already, you freak! Er, f-friendship beans." Flowey's bullets blazed towards the human like shooting stars, homing in from up and down and all around to form a hemisphere that the human couldn't possibly dodge. And then they easily dodged out of the way of every single one like it was no big thing. Flowey'd had enough.

"YOU JUST WANTED TO MOCK ME, DIDN'T YOU? YOU LITTLE WORM... YOUR SOUL IS M I N E!!!" Twisted cackling erupted from his transformed face, which resembled a particularly well carved jack-o-lantern. It was a solid 8.5 at the very least. He formed a massive dome of bullets, which all slooowly closed in on the still dancing human. Flowey would have liked to savor the fear on their face, but watching them act oblivious in the face of their imminent death would have to do. And... then his bullets were incinerated. "...What?" He shrieked as he was sent flying through the air, petals and leaves ablaze. He sunk back into the ground to extinguish himself, never to be seen again ever. Probably. 

"What an awful weed, trying to harm such a talented dancer..." A tall, matronly goat woman emerged from the darkness, smiling benevolently down at Frisk. She had long, floppy ears, cute little fangs, and a long, flowing purple robe. Frisk was immediately enraptured. But not so much as to stop dancing. Toriel clapped along to the music for a few minutes, before clearing her throat. "I'm sure you must be tired, from all that dancing. Come, I will guide you through the catacombs, to somewhere you may rest." She took their hand, and Frisk almost judo flipped her on instinct. But she seemed nice enough, so they obediently followed behind her. 

"My name is Toriel, and I am the caretaker of these Ruins. I walk through them every day to see if anyone has fallen down." She led them into a little room with like, staircases and stuff, pretty boring, BUT THERE WAS A LEAF PILE AND FRISK STOMPED ALL OVER THAT SHIT. They were filled with determination from said leaf stomping. Also shadow of the Ruins or whatever. They proceeded into the next room, which was sure to also be extremely exciting. Frisk ignored whatever Toriel was trying to say in favor of reading the sign up on the wall. Unfortunately they were stupid short, so they had to stand on their tiptoes to read it. Where had once been ancient instructions was now red marker, messily scrawled over the sign. 'Just hit the middle buttons or whatever.' Very handy! Frisk gave the sign a little pat, flouncing over to press said buttons only to find that Toriel had already done it. SUPER lame. She led them into yet another room, babbling on about puzzles or whatever. As if Frisk needed instructions in the way of puzzles! Dey got dis.

And then she led them to a giant floor full of spikes and Frisk suddenly less got dis. "Hm... just a moment. Take my hand, will you?" Any excuse, right? They took her hand with both their own, making deep, intense eye contact. She looked mildly confused, but led them safely through the spike field anyway. And then there was yet another room, with an extremely long, winding path. Toriel shuffled from foot to foot, looking uncomfortable. And not just because Frisk hadn't yet stopped trying to make eye contact. "I... must ask something of you. I need you to walk to the end of this room on your own. Fare well." Toriel threw down a smoke bomb, clouds of smoke obfuscating her escape, despite the fact that there was literally only one direction she could go in. Frisk casually walked down the unnecessarily long hallway, clicking their fingers and winking whenever they thought they saw something move. Unfortunately. It was just them. Alone. By themself. Frisk stopped in front of a marble pillar, clearing their throat and preparing to sing their heartache away-

"HELLO MY CHILD, FEAR NOT, I WAS MERELY HIDING BEHIND THIS PILLAR," Toriel shrieked through a megaphone as she leapt out from behind the pillar, wearing a REALLY scary Halloween mask. Like, really scary. Frisk shrieked in utter terror, tripping over themself in an attempt to get away. Toriel scooped them up off the ground, making shushing sounds. "It is alright. I am very proud of you for making it this far, little one." She smiled at them, but her goblin mask got in the way. The tip of the nose brushed against Frisk's cheek, and they shuddered in revulsion. "This was an exercise in independence, and you passed with flying colors. Now, as a follow up, you're going to wait here by yourself for a few minutes or possibly weeks while I... do. Things. Also here's a cellphone." She shoved an old flip phone into their hands before speed walking away.

Frisk wasted absolutely no time in calling her, and she picked up on the first ring. "Hello, this is Toriel speaking."

"Yo, you are one hot mama." Frisk winked at the phone, and it was somehow audible. Their charisma game was through the roof! 

"I... am not sure I understand. You call me 'mother', but flirt with me? I'm getting mixed signals. My... you are certainly an interesting child, aren't you?" Toriel hung up on them, and Frisk was left to wallow in sorrow before they stopped caring and wandered off to get lost in the Ruins. Also they ate way too many candies.


	2. Blundertale

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spoopy.

The next several hours were spent in a haze of frustration and humiliation. They released their aggression upon helpless monsters in the form of sincere compliments and sexy wiggling, confidence rising with every froggie blush and unidentifiable gelatinous sound they received. So what if they couldn't romance Toriel? Every other monster in the Underground would still fall before their incredible charm! Even the really, REALLY sad ghost that was currently pretending to be asleep in front of them. Pretending very poorly, as well. It just kept repeating the letter 'Z' over and over again. Silly ghost, that's how you interact with things! They proved it by pressing 'Z' on the ghost, with which they were soon engaged in battle. 

Wow, this was certainly a catchy tune. They bobbed their head along to Napstablook(wasn't that an old website?)'s music, before they realized the ghost was crying openly. What to do, what to do... Flirt? Cheer? Threat? Was that even a proper verb? They decided to combine the two first options, since they were both a master of flirtations and a professional comedian. "Hey darlin', you're looking boo-tiful this evening." They did little finger pistols, and winked repeatedly. 

"Heh..." The ghost made the tiniest sound of amusement, its perpetual frown lightening for a split second. And then it cried a barrage of deadly tear bullets at them. Luckily, the Froggits and Moldsmals had proved to be ample practice for learning how to dodge. Their determined little heart weaved between the waves of tears, coming out the other side completely unharmed. Hm, maybe a different tactic would work better. They offered up a patient smile, patting the air where Napstablook's shoulders might be, were it in possession of any. "Things will get better, I promise." 

"Hey, can I...?" They waited with apprehensive eagerness to see what the depressive ghost would do. It began crying again, watery tears floating upwards to rest atop its head, forming into a slightly wobbly top hat. "I uh... call it Dapperblook. Do you... like.. it?" The ghost pantomimed wringing its hands, but due to the lack of limbs it just kind of wiggled in place. 

"Like it? I love it!" Their reply was as enthusiastic as they could muster, which didn't take much effort; Napstablook was one dapper motherfucker. They gave him a powerful thumbs up, one that had its own sound effect and everything. 

If Napstablook could blush, then he wouldn't be a ghost. "Oh, gee..." The battle ended swiftly thereafter, the miniscule red Soul returning to its rightful place. "I usually come to the Ruins because there's never anyone around, but... today I met someone nice.... Oh, I'm rambling again. I'll get out of your way." Nabstablook began disappearing extremely slowly, turning fully intangible over the course of several agonizingly long minutes.   
Their mood soured with each moment that passed, and they cursed Toriel for giving them a phone without 3G capabilities; they couldn't even check their social media! They'd certainly give her a good talking-to about proper phone lending, and then they'd woo her with their incredibly charismatic smile and run away together into the sunset-ooh, spider donuts! They ran up and threw every single G they had at the smallest web, squealing with delight when a tiny spider brought out a full sized donut. They accepted the pastry graciously, skipping off after stuffing it in their pocket. 

The rest of the ruins involved a lot of falling into piles of leaves and not picking on giant horrible eyeball monsters, as well as the absolute devastation of Vegetoid's crop by way of dozens of full course vegetarian dinners. They eventually waddled their way up to a large gnarled tree, a pretty ribbon tied in their hair and a bit of spinach stuck in their teeth. Toriel suddenly appeared from behind it, as she was wont to do. Her buxom figure and long, flowing... ears, took their breath away. 

"Oh dear, this took much longer than I thought it would.." She raised a cellphone to her ear, their own ringing in their pocket. They pulled it out just as Toriel caught sight of them and put hers away. "Oh, child, how did you get out he-" 

"Uhm, excuse me? I'm on the phone," they replied brusquely, plugging a finger in their open ear. "Mhm. Yeah. I know, right? I can't even believe she'd do that! While I'm on the phone, too! Sorry, gotta go. Click." Toriel watched on in bemusement as the human turned back to her, arms crossed and foot tapping impatiently. 

"...Yes, well.. I was asking why you were out here. Are you hurt at all?" Her matronly persona took over, and she inspected the child for any sign of injury. She gasped in horror at the sight of a scraped knee, scooping the child off their feet and into her arms. "Oh, you poor thing. I'll heal you right up." She waited a moment for their health to tick up by a single point, and then dumped them back on the ground. "Much better. Oh, I should not have left you alone for so long. It was very irresponsible of me to do so. All for the sake of a surprise.." She blushed, but it wasn't apparent because she was covered in fur, making this description pointless. "Well, I suppose I can't hide it from you any longer. Come, small one!" She took off at a sprint, arms pumping and powerful calves flexing as she inadvertently kicked up a massive cloud of dust in the human's face. 

They staggered forward, blinded, and ran directly into a brick wall. The feeling of such a cute, tidy house giving them a severe head injury filled them with determination, as well as internal bleeding. But luckily the savepoint healed their surely life threatening injuries. Suddenly feeling slightly disillusioned with their original impression of Toriel, they hesitantly stepped into the house, which had pleasant cream walls and light wood floors. Hell if they knew what kind of wood it was; all they knew was that it had better not be pressed wood.  
"Do you smell that?" whispered a voice from behind them, a long goat tongue slithering out to wrap around the shell of their ear. "'Tis a butterscotch-cinnamon pie, for the purposes of sharing." A tiny squeak of alarm escaped them as Toriel snatched them up by the head like a basketball, dribbling them down the hallway and tossing them from downtown into a child's bedroom.

"A room all your own; I hope you like it!" The sound of the fire alarm sent Toriel into a panic, and she ran off without another word, leaving them to explore their new bedroom. There was a chest full of super neato burrito toys that they couldn't care less about, as well as a box of shoes from all the children that Toriel had presumably baked into pies. There was a picture frame that held a photo of some bald guy with a snapback hat and dog tags named "John", and a twin sized bed covered in a hand knitted quilt. Finding it to be a perfectly sound idea to fall asleep in a house that might be about to burn down, they threw themselves into bed and immediately fell unconscious. 

They awoke several hours later, finding the room inexplicably darkened despite them not having turned the lamp off, as well as a slice of pie on the floor. They wasted no time in devouring both the pie and the plate, ceramic snapping easily under the pure power of their overbite. They wandered out of their tiny prison room, out into the brightly lit hallway. They spent the next several minutes in Toriel's room, alternating between sniffing her pillow and tearing pages of bad puns out of her diary for future use. You never knew when puns would come in handy, right? The answer is always. Another several minutes were spent in front of the mirror, practicing suave grins and dashing smiles, as well as flirtatious winks and seductive smoulders. No monster could possibly resist this hot box of rocks! They pressed a finger to their hip and made a hissing sound, yelping when their shorts actually caught fire. Luckily Toriel's fire extinguisher was still out, otherwise they would have had to revert to a previous save. 

Finally, after much boondoggling, they made it into the living room that Toriel was sat in. Goat mom was busy reading a book about snails, but she appeared to be holding it upside down. Her glasses were also upside down, but that was less relevant. "Oh, hello child. Would you like to hear some interesting snail facts?" Her face fell as the human walked toward the opposite side of the room, perusing books on her shelf at random. Every book they looked at was also a book involving snails. They turned back to her with their signature empty stare, chilling her soul with the depths of their unfathomable charisma, hidden behind a veil of apathy. They then toddled into the kitchen, banging pots and pans together and attempting to eat the rest of the pie. Alas, they were too scrawny to properly lift it. So instead they stole a chocolate bar from Toriel's fridge, munching on it as they returned to the living room. 

"Hello, child. Are you ready to hear my interesting snail facts?" Receiving a nod that might have just been a twitch, she snatched them up by the collar of their shirt and plopped them into her lap. "Now, did you know that snails aren't allowed to operate automobiles in seventeen states?" 

"Yeah, great. Can I leave, now?" Now that they realized Toriel was immune to their incredible charm, there was no reason to stick around. Especially not if they were going to be subjected to snail 'facts'. 

"...Oh, here's another one! Red snails have been scientifically proven to go faster than blue snails. Isn't that interesting?" 

They repeated their question. Toriel suddenly adopted a stony expression, standing up and sending both child and snail book toppling to the floor. "I have something I must do." She lumbered off down the hallway, ignoring the staircases leading down in favor of leaping straight down to the lower level. Unfortunately she cracked her head on the railing and died instantly, but the human reverted to a previous save so it was k. She took the stairs this time, retrieving her emergency sledgehammer. She used it to smash the glass of a red steel case, retrieving from it a regular sized nail hammer, which she used to break open another case and get another, slightly larger sledgehammer. 

Meanwhile, the human had tossed every single snail book they could find into the fireplace, but it merely heated them up to a slightly uncomfortable temperature. Having nothing better to do, they followed Toriel down the stairs, finding her in the process of getting ready to begin starting to destroy the door that lead out into the rest of the underground. 

"...Do not try to stop me. I will destroy this door to keep you safe from what lies beyond."

"Is this about the mom thing? I'm sorry, okay? I was just feeling kinda... Frisk-y." The rimshot came in a little late, but they both had a nice chuckle anyway. 

"Anyway, go back to your room so I can destroy this door and save all the chilluns that fall through that hole in the ceiling." 

"Hell to the no! I'm gettin' outta here tonight!" Despite the fact that it was three in the afternoon, they stood by their statement with their hands placed determinedly on their hips. 

"Well then... you must prove to me that you can survive out there." Toriel turned to face the human, sledgehammer conveniently absent as she summoned forth both her magical flames and the human's soul. The battle had begun! They were unable to think of topics of conversation that didn't involve snails, so they resorted to spamming the SPARE button in between each of Toriel's deadly attacks. Their heart was run ragged through the gauntlet of fireballs, resulting in the devouring of both the monster candy and the spider donut. They lamented the loss of both delicious treats, but were determined to beat Toriel through non-violent means. This back and forth continued for a long while, Toriel growing more reluctant to fight with every SPARE. She was near tears by the time she finally spoke.   
"...I know you want to go home, but... please, go upstairs now. I promise that I will take good care of you here." They shook their head, pressing the SPARE button once more. "I know we do not have much, but... we can have a good life here!" She was spared once more. "Why are you making this so difficult? Why do you refuse to fight me?" 

They fumbled for a pair of broken sunglasses, slipping them on before slowly taking them off again. "I guess you could say I'm a... paci-Frisk." 

They both chortled merrily, and then the human left Toriel behind forever alone in the ruins by herself forever, never to be seen again ever.


	3. Pundertale

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spooky scary skeletons.

Boy golly gee, it sure was nice to be out of the ruins and away from that crazy goat woman that had only wanted love. Sorry toots, but Frisk ain't the type to settle down. But apparently they were the type to frolic through the thin layer of snow that covered the path they walked, making meager piles to rub their face against and making snowballs to eat. It was all in good fun, but now they might or might not be freezing to death, and that was less fun. So they dragged themselves melodramatically through the snow, occasionally raising their head to gasp out pleas for hot chocolate. They made it several agonizing feet before the sound of footsteps crunching through the snow was followed by a shadow falling over them; unfortunately, they were too busy playing dead to look up at it. 

"H e y b u d d y, y o u l o o k l i k e y o u c o u l d u s e a h a n d." Something dark and vaguely hand shaped came into their field of view, and they wasted no time in grabbing it. 

Frrrrrrrrttt. 

"heh, the ol whoopie cushion in the hand trick. always funny." The human clumsily rolled over to get a look at their flatular aggressor, only to find... a skeleton in slippers? The skeleton smiled unnervingly, yet it somehow still managed to come across as being chummy. "new around here huh? i'm sans, sans the skeleton." Sans pulled the human to their feet despite barely being taller than them(YES! FINALLY!), dusting a bit of snow off their shoulder. The human smiled gratefully, before in morphed into a carefully crafted charismatic grin. 

"I gotta HAND it to ya, that was pretty PUNny. Good way to break the ice, huh?" The human and skeleton both laughed like old pals, slapping each other's knees and shoulders and faces as they lost themselves to jolly chortles and gafacious guffaws. That last adjective wasn't even a real word but neither one cared, so lost to merriment were they. 

The skeleton stopped laughing abruptly. He leaned in, grin sharp. "listen pal, don't muscle in on my territory. if you do, snow-body is gonna like what happens next." 

Frisk raised a pair of placating palms, offering an easy smile. "Hey, chill out, I-" they paused, horror dawning as they realized what they'd just said. 

Sans' smile was dark. Not literally, though. "i think you need to cool it, friend. otherwise you might end up sub-zero, if you get my meaning." 

"Yeah, yeah, I get it. We're all co-good! Good, is what I meant to say. We're good. Eheheh..." Frisk swallowed a lump in their throat, rictus smile growing more nervous by the moment. 

"hey, glad to hear it. i think we can really be great pals, you and i." Sans' unchanging facial expression somehow became more innocently cheerful as he slung an arm around the human's shoulders, leading them towards a rickety wooden bridge with a... fence(?) on it? "now i'm kinda supposed to be on the watch for humans like you, but... y'know how it goes. i'm not really interested in capturing you, or anything. now my brother, Papyrus? he's a human hunting fool, i tell you what." Sans chuckled at the look of mild panic on the human's face. "hey, don't worry. he wouldn't hurt a fly. probably couldn't, now that i think about it. he might try to seem dangerous, but that's just because he wants to look cool. not like he's gotta try, y'know?" The skeleton stared off into space, a starry look in his... sockets. "anyway, lets walk through this wall my brother built. he built the bars too far apart to stop anyone." And indeed, they both could walk right through the space between the bars, over the deadly bottomless gorge of unfathomable blackness death terror. "hey, i think i see my brother coming. quick, go hide behind that conveniently shaped lamp." Sans pointed at a tasteless looking lamp, which just happened to be shaped exactly like Frisk's silhouette, right down to the baby fat.

"Hey, I'm not fat!" Frisk shouted up at the ceiling as they ran towards the lamp, arms flailing in abject terror despite the reassurances that Papyrus was entirely harmless. Their dramatic flailing ended up sending the lamp falling into the snow, where it shattered violently for some reason. Both human and skeleton stared in silence at the broken lamp, just as a much taller (AND SIGNIFICANTLY MORE HANDSOME!) skeleton ran up towards them, huffing and puffing despite the lack of lungs and respiratory system. He took a short breather before standing tall, cape flapping in the nonexistent breeze and basketball shoulder pads shining as if they had been freshly polished. 

"BROTHER, WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?!" Papyrus yelled, entirely oblivious to the human that was attempting to hide behind shards of broken lamp. 

"oh, you know. just going to buy a new lamp. want to come shopping with me?" 

"NO, I DON'T. I REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENED THE LAST TIME WE WENT LAMP SHOPPING. YOU DITCHED ME IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STORE, AND THEN I FOUND YOU OUT BACK, SMOKING THE DRUG!" Papyrus teared up at the thought of what had happened to his previously innocent brother, pulling out a hankie to violently blow his nasal cavities. 

Sans sweated, despite the lack of pores and skin. "hey bro, you know it was just some dog treats. nothing illegal. besides, i needed a pick-me-up. that day left me... bone tired." He winked at the camera as Papyrus screamed in a potent mixture of fury and agony. 

"YOU KNOW WHAT YOUR PUNS DO TO ME WHEN I HAVEN'T TAKEN MY ALLERGY PILLS, SANS. WHY DO YOU INSIST ON CAUSING ME SUCH TORMENT?" 

"hey, it's snow problem. ill be sure to bone it down." He chuckled to himself and winked repeatedly as Papyrus siezed up, clutching weakly at his chest. In his fit of anaphylactic shock he noticed something out of the corner of his eye. The entire world froze for a split second as Frisk and Papyrus made eye contact. Sans watched on, a nervous look on his perpetually grinning face. "hey, uh, i can explai-" 

Papyrus made a high pitched screeching sound, standing ramrod straight as his near death experience was put behind him. He held his arms out straight and began spinning rapidly in place, whipping up a powerful whirlwind. After several moments of spinning he began rising from the ground, slowly but surely hovering up into the air. Both his brother and the human(!!!!) watched on in awe as he became airborne. Suddenly and without warning, the Papyrus-copter screeched once more as he dove through the air, directly towards the human. Frisk screamed in actual terror as the screeching whirlwind of bones and basketballs flew towards them, and they made a token effort to escape before the heli-ton landed atop them, caging them in with all four limbs. Frisk screamed repeatedly as Papyrus' leering face loomed over them, expression that of maniacal glee. 

"NYEH HEH... NYEH HEH HEH..! NYEH HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH! I'VE FINALLY DONE IT! A HUMAN, CAPTURED BY THE GREAT PAPYRUS! DO YOU KNOW WHAT I'M GOING TO DO NOW THAT YOU ARE MY PRISONER, HUMAN?" The human shakily shook their head, chest rising and falling rapidly. 

Sans stepped forward, concerned both for the human's well being and his brother's mental state. "hey, bro-"

"WELL, I AM GOING TO TELL YOU WHAT I WILL DO, IN EXCRUCIATINGLY VAGUE DETAIL!" Papyrus leaned in much closer, paradoxical breath washing over their face. It smelled of spaghetti. "I AM GOING. TO DO MANY THINGS. THINGS THAT YOU! WILL NOT! ENJOY VERY MUCH! NOT AT ALL! WELL, MAYBE A LITTLE. BUT PROBABLY NOT! THEN I WILL DELIVER YOU TO UNDYNE, AND BECOME A TRUE ROYAL GUARDSMAN! ALL MY DREAMS WILL FINALLY COME TRUE! ADMIRATION, ADULATION, ADORATION! I WILL COOK THE KING HIMSELF A PLATE OF SPAGHETTI SHAPED LIKE MY FACE, AND HE'LL BE LIKE 'BOY PAPYRUS, YOU SURE ARE AN INCREDIBLE COOK, AS WELL AS AN AMAZING ROYAL GUARDSMAN! I WILL GIVE YOU MANY COOKIES FOR YOUR HARD WORK AND PASTA COOKING SKILLS'!" 

The shorter skeleton fiddled with the hem of his jacket, unsure if he should let his brother burn himself out or intervene. But when he finally caught the look of fear on the human's face, he stepped forward. "hey, bro. not to interrupt, but uh.. i'm gonna interrupt you." 

Papyrus' head spun a hundred and eighty degrees so that he could properly glare at his brother. "WHAT IS IT, SANS? CAN'T YOU SEE I'M MONOLOGUING?!" 

"yeah, but uh... about the whole human capturing thing.." Sans glanced off to the side, fumbling for words. "isn't this kinda... too easy?" 

"...WHAT DO YOU MEAN." Papyrus' sockets narrowed somehow, despite the lack of facial muscles and the fact that bone is entirely rigid. 

"i mean that you only just found the human, and you've already captured it? where's the fun in that? a true royal guardsmen would, uh... use a variety of overly complex and brilliantly designed traps and puzzles to wear down the human, and then capture them." 

Papyrus lifted a bony hand to stroke his equally bony chin, 'HMM'ing loudly. This inadvertently gave Frisk the opportunity to escape from underneath the crazy ass skeleton, which they did post-haste. 

"SANS, YOU MAKE A GOOD POINT. SURPRISINGLY. HUMAN! YOU STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE! I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, SHALL GO AND SPIFF UP MY PUZZLES TO LEVELS OF NEAR IMPOSSIBILITY! YOU SHALL SHUDDER IN BRAIN AGONY AS YOU TRY TO PUZZLE OUT MY PUZZLES, FOR INDEED! THEY WILL BE QUITE PUZZLING! NYEH HEH HEH HEH!" Papyrus proceeded to backflip off screen, 'NYEH HEH HEH'ing all the way. Both Frisk and Sans looked rapidly between each other and the slowly disappearing Papyrus, heads swivelling wildly back and forth. Eventually Sans' head came off entirely, still spinning as it laid in the snow, prompting another scream from Frisk. 

And that was the story of how they became too weirded out to romance either of the skeleton brothers. 

 

 

 

OR IS IT?!!?!?!?!?!?


	4. I couldn't think of anymore Undertale puns

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Regretti spaghetti.

After much screaming and head reattachment, Sans and Frisk were left standing in the snow, staring awkwardly at one another. "so uh.. i know my brother said to wait here, but he's pretty impatient. you should get going before he comes back. otherwise... you'll be stuck listening to more of my hilarious jokes." He winked loudly, grin stretching his bony face. Frisk spent several moments wondering how winks could make noise before wandering off further into ice... land. Fuck if they knew what it was called.

An hour of glee followed shortly thereafter, involving Frisk burning some wanna-be comedian so hard that he literally melted into a cube of ice. They hoped that wouldn't fuck up their pacifist run. Also there was a cute doggie with vision problems. Frisk spent at least an hour fucking with Doggo by very slightly moving the tiny bell on the stand of his sentry box thingamagooger when he wasn't looking. 

Suddenly, some nerd with a sweet hat appeared! Frisk marvelled at it for a few turns, before finally managing to turn away. It was the hardest thing they had ever done. "Hey, my hat is up here!" the monster complained, striking several poses that best showed off its magnificent hat. 

Frisk resisted the urge to oogle at it, but just barely. "Hey, put a CAP on it, buddy!" The Ice Cap scoffed and waddled away, leaving behind a pile of G for Frisk to hungrily shove into their pockets. From behind a nearby tree, a single glowing blue eye locked on the back of Frisk's head. They could feel their puns crawling on their back. 

They hurried along, feeling eyes watching them, until they were stopped in front of a frozen pond by Sans. The skeleton stared blankly at them, bony hands shoved in the pocket of his jacket. "hey, i got somethin' to tell you. my brother, he's got this special attack, see? it's called a blue attack. when you see it, you gotta stand still. blue means stop, get it? it's like when you go to the movie theater and you're buying tickets, and some guy can't make up his mind about what movie he wants to watch. so you have to stand there and wait. so when you're fighting, just think about a really indecisive guy at the movie theater. easy, right?" Frisk nodded in mild confusion, unsure of what the skeleton was going on about. "anyway, my brother has a puzzle just ahead. good luck." 

The human made it about five more steps before they could hear Papyrus' shrieking voice from across yet another frozen pond. "HUMAN, HOW NICE OF YOU TO JOIN US! WELCOME TO MY INDESCRIBABLY IMPOSSIBLE PUZZLE THAT YOU HAVE NO HOPE OF SOLVING! I CALL IT: THE MAZE OF INVISIBLE ELECTRICITY! NYEH HEH HEH! FOR YOU SEE, THIS MAZE WILL DELIVER A NASTY SHOCK TO ANYONE INVISIBLE THAT TRIES TO PASS THROUGH IT! INGENIOUS, IS IT NOT?" The skeleton posed proudly, cape flaring out behind him. Sans appeared to be holding back laughter. 

"...?" Well, if these were the kind of puzzles Frisk could expect, then things would be even easier than they had thought. They took a few hesitant steps forward, making sure that the Great Papyrus hadn't actually made a functioning invisible maze, before walking easily across the pond.

Several miles away, Napstablook made a mildly apathetic noise of distress as they were jolted by ten thousand volts of electricity. 

Skeletor- I mean, Papyrus gaped in shock, rubbing the insides of his eye sockets to make sure he was actually seeing clearly. It produced a strange squelching noise. "UNBELIEVABLE! ASTOUNDING! STUPENDOUS! YOUR PUZZLE SOLVING SKILLS ARE OFF THE CHARTS!" Papyrus held up a poster board that simply read 'Chart' that was covered in numerous squiggly lines, all moving in an upwards direction. Several cardboard arrow heads had been pasted along the top edge of the chart. "HOWEVER, THIS WAS MERELY THE FIRST OF A TERRIFYING GAUNTLET OF MIND BEDOGGLING PUZZLES AND TRAPS! IF YOU THINK YOU CAN SOLVE THEM AS EASILY AS THIS ONE, THEN YOU ARE WRONGFULLY INCORRECT! THE NEXT PUZZLE OF CONCENTRATED IMPOSSIBILITY HAS BEEN DESIGNED BY MY LAZYBONES BROTHER, SANS!" Sans waved casually. 

Frisk nodded absently as Papyrus did a series of handsprings until he had disappeared offscreen. The sound of slippered feet crunching through the snow garnered their attention. "hey, listen. i know my brother isn't the best at making puzzles.. but humor him, okay? he seems really excited about all this."

Frisk offered a double whammy kablammy wink and thumbs up combo. "Sno- I-I mean uh... no problem. Your brother seems like a pretty cool guy anyway." 

"yeah... he sure is." Sans stared off into the distance, sniffling and wiping some anime sparkles from the corner of his eye. Then he stood in the corner and repeated himself every time Frisk tried to speak further with him. Seeing nothing else to do they continued forward, where they found a Nice Cream stand. What followed was the purchasing of Nice Cream, then choking on said Nice Cream, and finally filing a lawsuit against the Nice Cream man for not putting warning labels on his product. All in all, it was very productive. They spent several minutes cheating at Hole Ball as Sans and the broken walleted Nice Cream man watched on judgmentally. Frisk finally walked up to Sans after cashing out, headbutting him to produce dialogue. 

"hey, kid. i was thinking of selling treats too. want some fried snow? only 5G." Sans held up a handful of lukewarm water and breading, waggling his eyebrow ridges enticingly. Frisk eyed it hungrily, but resigned themself to scooping snow off the ground and shoveling it into their mouth. 

"Sorry, but I'm trying to watch my figure. Besides, I prefer my snow cold." They flashed a blue lipped smile, chunks of dirt and splinters stuck between their teeth. 

Sans narrowed his sockets, trying to figure out if the kid had managed to slip a sneaky pun past him or not. When none were apparent, he offered his same frozen grin. "yeah, good point. i prefer iceberg-ers myself." They both laughed merrily before Frisk left to cheat some more cash out of a hole in the ground. 

Finally, finally finally Frisk had made enough buckaroonies to be satisfied, and moved on to the next puzzle of impossibility. It appeared to be... a piece of paper on the ground. 

"AHA, SO WE MEET AGAIN, HUMAN. PREPARE TO BE DAZZLED AND BRAIN WRANGLED BY MY BROTHER'S BRILLIANTLY DEVISED PUZZLE!" There was a short pause as all three of them stared at the piece of paper. "SANS, THAT ISN'T A PUZZLE!"

"sure it is. there's no way the human will get past it, trust me." 

Frisk approached the piece of paper casually, scooping it up off the ground and squinting at it. They scanned the words printed upon it, finding it to be... a menu, for some place called Grillby's. "Uh." They looked between the menu and the skeleton brothers, head bobbing up and down repeatedly. 

"see? i told you they wouldn't be able to solve it." Sans looked as smug as he could, which wasn't very smug at all. Papyrus was having none of it however, narrowing his sockets at his brother and stomping over to peer at the piece of paper held by the human. 

"SANS, YOU NINCOMPOOP, THIS IS A BURGER MENU! OF COURSE THEY CAN'T SOLVE IT; IT ISN'T A PUZZLE!" Papyrus' arms spun through the air like pinwheels to express his irritation. 

"oh, oops. that explains why grillby looked at me funny when i ordered a giasfclfebrehber." 

"YOU MIXED UP A MENU WITH A JUNIOR JUMBLE?! SANS, YOU ARE TRULY A BONEHEAD." Papyrus flailed his arms expressively, just barely avoiding decapitating the human that was still staring at the menu. After a few more moments of contemplation they pulled out a broken crayon, scribbling something on the menu and tapping it against the skeleton's leg. "HMM? WHAT IS THIS? I BELIEVE THE HUMAN IS ATTEMPTING COMMUNICATION." Papyrus snatched up the menu, pulling out a pair of reading glasses that fell off his skull the moment he let go of them. "AH, IT APPEARS THE HUMAN WANTS LUNCH. I TOO AM FAMISHED; I REQUIRE BRAIN FOOD, SO THAT I MIGHT CONCOCT EVEN MORE DEVILISHLY CLEVER PUZZLES!" 

"are you offering to buy? you're such a generous guy." 

"OF COURSE NOT! IT APPEARS YOUR BRAIN IS IN DIRE NEED OF THE FOOD AS WELL, FOR WE BOTH KNOW THAT I AM NOT PAID UNTIL FRIDAY! BESIDES, WHAT NEED HAVE YOU FOR A GREASY BURGER JOINT WHEN THE GREAT CHEF PAPYRUS STANDS BEFORE YOU? I SHALL COOK FOR US THE MOST IMPASTABLY DELICIOUS DISH TO EVER EXIST: SPAGHETTI!" Papyrus 'NYEH'd before cartwheeling away, leaving Frisk in awe of the skeleton's incredible gymnastic skills. Even without a muscular structure, he still tried so hard. Bless him. 

"So.. how good is this spaghetti, exactly?" Frisk had been eating nothing but snow for the past few hours, and their little tummy was so upset that it had written four songs for its emo/screamo band, 'Dissolve'. 

Sans shrugged lightly, waving his hand in a so-so manner. "its pretty guda, if you hate food that's delicious. tell you what, how about we go to grillby's once this puzzle stuff is over? just you and me." 

Frisk used up one of the several kawaii anime blushes that they had been saving for just such an occasion. "Y-you mean like... a date?" 

Sans rolled his... nothing, so hard that the entire Underground flipped upside down for a few moments. "sure kid, whatever floats your boat," he responded over the sound of distant screaming. 

Frisk beamed a charming grin. "I'll see you then!" They waved at the skeleton, skipping off merrily towards the next dastardly puzzle that Papyrus had prepared. Which was a plate of spaghetti. 

Frisk reverted to a previous save after eating it.


	5. Pretend this title is clever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Somehow I get less funny with every chapter.

Gee dang, that spagooter sure was deeeeeeeeeeelicious. And by delicious, Frisk meant instantly fatal. The thought that one day the mouse might learn to operate the microwave and heat up the spaghetti filled them with existential sadness. If Papyrus' true plan was to murder everyone through the gift of poorly prepared pasta, then it was up to Frisk to stop him! They marched determinedly through the snow, before suddenly being accosted by a pair of cute doggies! The dogs appeared to be engaging in some heavy PDA, which mostly involved licking each other's faces. How scandalous. Frisk froze in place as the pair leaned in close, sniffing energetically. 

"Smells like... snowman? Why is snowman out here?" 

(Maybe silly skeleton man built it?) 

"Hmm. It don't smell like skeleton. More like... DANGER STRANGER." 

(Danger stranger snowman? How can be?) 

"Perhaps is dastardly danger stranger trick! We must change to yellow rating to be sure." The pair of dogs lifted their legs, immediately falling over from the weight of their armor. They howled and babbled in distress as Frisk sloooowly crept past them. Apparently eating ten pounds of snow had been a good idea after all. Also they avoided getting peed on, which was always a plus. 

Frisk marched onward, filled with determination now that they had avoided getting marked by a pair of married dogs. Going in the only direction they could, they stumbled upon another of Papyrus' inconceivably difficult puzzles. A pair of red circles on the ground, surrounded by rocks. Above the puzzle was a sign, and a switch. Beyond that was a towering wall of spikes that they could probably just step over, as well as Papyrus, who appeared to be trying to replicate his earlier feat of flying through the air. It wasn't going well. Frisk stepped up to the sign, which happened to be the perfect height for them to read(how thoughtful!), and found a message upon it. 'TURN ALL X'S INTO O'S, THEN PRESS SWITCH'. They glanced between the sign, the switch, and the pair of bright red circles. Their head violently bounced back and forth between all three, and continued to do so as they stepped upon the switch. The spikes retracted with a quiet 'snk', which was drowned out by the sound of Papyrus' shrieking. 

"IMPOSSIBILITUDE! YOU HAVE BESTED YET ANOTHER OF MY IMPOSSIBLE TO BEST PUZZLES! TRULY YOU ARE A CLEVER FIEND, BUT I SHALL DEFEAT YOU VERY SOON. FOR YOU SEE. MY NEXT PUZZLE. IS! IMPOSSIBLE! EVEN MORE SO THAN THE OTHER ONES! NYEH HEH HEH. HEH. HEH HEH. ANYWAYS, HOW DID YOU GET PAST MY IMPASSIBLE PASTA TRAP?" 

"I uh, ate it. And died." 

Papyrus gasped in delight. "OH WOWIE ZOWIE! MY SPAGHETTI IS SO DELICIOUS THAT IT LEADS TO THE INSTANTANEOUS DEATH AND THEN REBIRTH OF ALL WHO EAT IT?! TRULY THIS IS A DAY TO BE CELEBRATED! COME HUMAN, I SHALL MAKE FOR YOU ALL OF THE SPAGHETTI!" Papyrus pranced offscreen, unaware of the sickly shade of green that Frisk turned. They had just enough time to be sick over in some outraged bushes before the next puzzle, which was... a bunch of monochromatic squares on the ground. Sans waved casually, prompting another anime blush.

"ENOUGH OF YOUR JUVENILE FLIRTATIONS. WE ARE HERE FOR PUZZLES, NOT SMOOCHES!" Papyrus stamped his foot impatiently, destroying the tiny civilization that had formed on the bottom of his shoe. "AHEM. WHAT YOU SEE BEFORE YOU IS THE MOST DASTARDLY AND INGENIOUS PUZZLE EVER DEVISED BY MONSTER KIND. A COLOR MAZE!" Sans played a dramatic sting on his trombone. "YOU STOP THAT. NOW, WHERE WAS I... YES, THE COLOR MAZE! EVERY COLOR HAS A DIFFERENT EFFECT. RED TILES ARE A NO GO. YOU CAN'T STEP ON THEM. GREEN TILES ARE A VERY PLEASING SHADE OF GREEN, AND ATTRACT MONSTERS FROM ALL OVER THE LAND. IF YOU STEP ON ONE, YOU'LL HAVE TO FIGHT A MONSTER! YELLOW TILES WILL ELECTROCUTIONIFIY YOU! THAT IS BAD, IN CASE YOU WERE WONDERING. BLUE TILES ARE MADE OF HAYCHE TEW OH. YOU CAN SWIM IN THEM, IF YOU DARE! ORANGE TILES SMELL LIKE ORANGES. IF YOU STEP ON THEM, YOU WILL SMELL DELICIOUS! DELICIOUS ENOUGH TO BE DEVOURED BY THE HUNGRY PIRANHAS IN THE BLUE TILES! PURPLE TILES ARE SLIPPERY. IF YOU STEP ON ONE, YOU'LL SWOOCE RIGHT TO THE NEXT TILE. BLUE TILES WILL ALSO ZAPPIFICATE YOU IF THEY ARE NEXT TO A YELLOW TILE. INCIDENTALLY, PURPLE TILES WILL MAKE YOU SMELL LIKE LEMONS, WHICH PIRANHAS HATE! PINK TILES DON'T DO ANYTHING. STAMP ALL OVER THEM IF YOU WISH. NOW, DID YOU GET ALL OF THAT? I'D BE HAPPY TO REPEAT MYSELF OVER AND OVER AGAIN IF YOU SO DESIRED." 

As incredibly tempting as the thought of listening to all that over again was, Frisk declined. 

"VERY WELL THEN. NOW, THE MOST IMPORTANT PART OF THIS PUZZLE... IS! IT'S COMPLETELY RANDOM! YES, ONCE I ACTIVATE THE MACHINE BESIDE ME, CREATED BY THE BRILLIANT DOCTOR ALPHYS, YOU WILL HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO ENDURE THE MOST DIFFICULT PUZZLE EVER CREATED! EVEN I WON'T KNOW THE SOLUTION! PREPARE YOURSELF HUMAN, FOR THE PUZZLING IS ABOUT TO BEGIN!" Papyrus spent several moments laughing triumphantly before he turned and pressed every single button on the machine. It whirred to life, making all sorts of comical sound effects as the puzzle began flashing different colors, looking very much like a dance floor from the seventies. It flashed faster and faster, tiles cycling between colors in the blink of an eye, until finally... with the sound of sharp flatulence, the machine died. The puzzle consisted of a single line of purple tiles leading straight ahead, surrounded on either side by red tiles. All three of them stared for several long moments before Papyrus fell to the ground, stiff as a board. He made a strange keening sound in the back of his nonexistent throat as he slowly wriggled across the ground, until he'd made it all the way offscreen. Frisk shrugged and leapt belly first onto the first purple tile, sliding across at ludicrous speeds just as Sans finished playing a hearty 'WHOMP WHOMP WHOOOOMP' on his trombone. Human and skeleton collided in a terrific... collision, I guess. They rolled end over end, oofing and ughing as they tumbled across the ground. They went in circles for several long minutes before finally grinding to a halt, with Frisk comically straddling the inhuman skeleton monster. How embarrassing!

"hey, kid. i don't know how old you are, but i'm pretty sure you're too young for the bone zone." Sans gently lifted the human off of him, before carelessly tossing them headfirst into a pile of snow. Frisk emerged out the other side, looking outraged. Unfortunately, Sans was unable to see it. 

"I'll have you know that I'm at least... eiiiight... teen?" Frisk paused, counting on their fingers. They frowned, and counted again. "...Anyway, do you even have a zoning permit for this so called 'bone zone'?" 

Sans wordlessly held out a manilla folder full of official looking documentation. Frisk put on a pair of reading glasses that they had stolen from Toriel, which immediately fell off because they were upside down. "Hm... okay, I believe you. But I'm totally old enough! I think. Probably." 

"listen kiddo, you're in for a bad time if you go down this road. besides, i don't really do cliche anime romance. i'm more of a slow build trashy romance novel kind of guy." Sans offered an apologetic grin, which looked exactly like the only expression he ever had on his face. 

Frisk teared up, blubbering melodramatically into a series of handkerchiefs that they pulled out of their sleeve. Sans clapped politely. "Thank you, I'll be here all week." Frisk proceeded to eat the long rope of handkerchiefs, prompting more applause. "Anyway, you still promised we'd go to Grillby's! I thought you were a skeleton of your word." They crossed their arms and pouted, which did little to reinforce the idea that they were legal. 

"fine, fine. but you're buying. anyway, i think my brother has one last puzzle for you. you should hurry and solve it. otherwise... you're gonna have a poor experience." 

Frisk gasped in mock fear, covering their mouth with a hand before rolling their eyes and stepping past the skeleton. They paused just at the edge of the screen, earning a curious look from Sans. "WHY DID THE SKELETON GO TO THE BEACH TO GET A SKELETAN," they shouted, before running for their life. Sans chuckled lightly, a twinkling blue light growing in his left eye. The stakes were set, and only one punster could survive.


	6. This was hard to write

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's also not very good.

Frisk was fairly sure that their death swiftly approached, but they weren't too worried. Saves were quite the blessing; they made all of the pacifist's violent, painful deaths entirely null and void. Like that time when they ate the spaghetti. Remember that? Ah, good times. But even without saves, they probably still would'a done what they did. Their pun gland was swollen to the point of discomfort, and they had to release that pressure somehow. And if that meant being gutted by a punny little skeleton, then so be it! Frisk would prove themself to be the master of disaster, and all would bow before the might of their comedy! Unless that didn't happen, which was also fine. Undying adoration of their charismatic character was more than acceptable in lieu of comedic worshipping. 

Plotting aside, Frisk carefully inspected the new screen they found themself in. It appeared to be a snow puppy boneyard, with severed heads and crumbling necks lying in shambles all over. They gasped in horror, tiny frozen tears trickling down their face. They quickly collected the droplets and preserved them in glass, and then sold them on Etsy. They then proceeded to skip merrily pass the tragic wasteland of deceased snow dog cadavers, stealing some delicious pomeraisins and briefly stopping to stare at a weird moose guy in an ugly sweater. The two eyed each other for a long moment, before Frisk cracked their knuckles. Sweatermoose bugled in distress. 

The spritely human skipped off to the right, torso warmly encased in a hideous purple sweater and pacifist run firmly intact. Sweatermoose might not be getting up for a while, but he'd still be able to go back home to his family. Eventually. Anyway, enough about that guy; he could rot in Hell for all anyone cared. Frisk proceeded to happen upon another frozen patch of frozen ice frost, which was littered with little red O's. They were prepared to just slide right across, until they noticed that the only unfrozen patches had the O's on them. It appeared that Papyrus' attempt to create a mildly challenging puzzle had instead resulted in one that was literally impossible to complete. And so there Frisk's journey ended, stumped for all eternity by the Great Papyrus, Master of Puzzles and Famous Royal Guardsman. 

Until Frisk threw a snowball at the switch on the other side, at least. The sensitive pressure plate was depressed by the meager weight of the snowball, playing some sad shoegaze as a snowy little bridge extended to the other side. They confidently slid across the ice, tumbling headfirst off the side and snapping their neck upon impact with the level below. 

Several resets later found Frisk entirely victorious, and they wasted no time in continuing on to the next screen. They completely ignored the optional area down to the south, having no time for such boondoggling ventures into the unknown. What they were truly interested in was the field of endless snow poffs that spanned before them. Completely ignoring the ominously large guard post, they made it their mission to jump on top of every snow poff, giggling with delight when they exploded in puffs of fluffy snow. Several hours later found Frisk laying atop the final squished snow poff, breathless and delighted and dying of hypothermia. One revert later found them purposefully ignoring the snow poffs, shooting passive aggressive looks up at the ceiling.They walked in big, looping arcs around the deadly poffs of snow, falling off the edge of the screen several times before they finally made it all the way across. They stopped in front of a final snow poff that blocked their path.

Their eyes narrowed in determination as they prepared to leap upon it-but instead, a little puppy head emerged from it! Frisk cooed and awwed until the head rose up, bringing with it a massive suit of dudely armor with like, big muskles and everything. Also little dog faces on everything. Frisk squeaked in terror, instinctively tossing a snowball at the Greater Dog's chest. The canine barked in excitement, single mindedly attempting to chase the snowball that had been thrown at it. It stood in place, shaking violently as time and space warped around them. Frisk cowered in fear as the entire world shook in agony, Greater Dog morphing in and out of this plane of reality. Finally, with a quiet 'pop', it collapsed in on itself, disappearing entirely. They gaped for a minute or two before hurrying on to the next screen, hoping against hope that that hadn't ruined their pacifist run. 

The next screen consisted of a tiny platform linked to a rickety rope bridge, which Frisk wasted no time in running across. It weebled and wobbled back and forth, but thankfully didn't fall down the deadly giant chasm of mind boggling terror death demise. Standing at the other side was the two skeleton brothers, engaged in a heated conversation about snack foods, and whether or not they belonged in the refrigerator. Papyrus lit up at the sight of the human, actually starting on fire for a moment before quickly extinguishing. 

"HUMAN! PREPA-"

"hey, bro. can i explain this one?" Papyrus eyed his brother with a suspicious glare, which quickly became a look of tearful joy. 

"OH BROTHER, I KNEW THIS DAY WOULD COME! YOU AND I, PUZZLE MASTER EXTRAORDINAIRES, WORKING TOGETHER TO JAPE EVERY LIVING SOUL THAT ALSO ENJOYS ENGAGING IN THE COMPLETION AND CREATION OF PUZZLING PUZZLES!" Papyrus proceeded to break down into wailing cries of joy, writhing weakly in the snow. 

Sans carefully stepped over his brother, staring down the human with empty black sockets. "so, icy that you made it here snow problem. cool sweater, too, but it's not really appropriate for winter weather." Sans' smile could cut glass. "more like fall." His eye lit up with a chaotically crackling blue light, that same color emanating from his raised palm. The support ropes on the bridge twisted and frayed as he pulled at them, the bridge bucking wildly from side to side. Frisk held on to either side with an iron grip, panic eschewing every other emotion on their face. Finally, with a pair of loud 'SNAP's, the bridge plummeted into the chasm below. "snowbody's laughing now." Sans winked at the camera, grinning with malicious glee.

Frisk made sure to stay on the other side of the bridge, this life. They squinted and waved at the squinting and waving Papyrus, the exchange continuing for roughly twenty minutes before the tall (AND HANDSOME!) skeleton's shriek drifted across the chasm. 

"HUMAN, WHAT ARE YOU DOING ALL THE WAY OVER THERE? BESIDES ENGAGING IN A CONTEST OF WAVES WITH MYSELF, THE GREAT PAPYRUS! SORRY TO TELL YOU, BUT WITH THE MOTION OF THE OCEAN ON MY SIDE, THERE'S NO WAY YOU CAN DEFEAT ME! EITHER WAY, THE PUZZLE IS OVER HERE! DON'T WORRY, THE BRIDGE WON'T BITE; I SCRAPPED THAT PUZZLE EARLIER." 

"I'm fine over here, thanks!" Frisk could just barely make out a blue glint from where Sans was standing. 

Papyrus harrumphed, placing his hands on his pelvis. "WELL, THAT JUST WON'T DO AT ALL. IF YOU WON'T COME OVER HERE, THEN I HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO BRING YOU TO THE PUZZLE MYSELF!" Papyrus sprung into a handstand, walking across the bridge on his bony palms as his legs dangled in the air. How scandalous. 

Well, Sans couldn't kill them with his brother on the bridge, right? Plan formulating in their mind, Frisk bounded across to meet the skeleton halfway. 

"NYEHAH, CHANGED YOUR MIND, HAVE YOU? I KNEW YOU COULD NOT RESIST THE SIREN SONG OF MY MADDENINGLY BRILLIANT PUZZLES!" Papyrus reached out to grab the human by the head with one hand, legs beginning to spin like rotors. He soared into the air with a screaming Frisk in hand, wind blowing through his long, majestic mane of manly hair, which happened to be a mop that he'd glued to his head. The skelecopter soon descended, gently placing the trembling human at the end of the bridge before he resumed his post at his brother's side. "IMPRESSIVE, IS IT NOT? BUT MY POWERS OF FLIGHT ARE NOT EVEN MY MOST INCREDIBLE ABILITY." Papyrus draped his cape over his arm, before tossing it aside with a flourish. "BEHOLD: THE GAUNTLET OF TERRIBLE DEADLINESS!" Suspended from above and... below(?), several ropes rose and fell. Each one was tied around some deadly instrument of murder, be they giant spiky chain balls, flamethrowers, or potato peelers. One in particular appeared to be a particularly aggressive stick of butter that had been stuck in the freezer, so that it would hurt really bad if someone threw it at you, or it fell on your foot or something. 

Frisk barely even looked at the instruments of their demise, their nervous gaze focused entirely on the small skeleton that was currently cleaning the spit guard on his trombone. Sans glanced up, offering a casual wave before looking away. Huh. Maybe he only wanted to kill them in that one instance? Or he could be biding his time, waiting for the perfect opportunity to strike. 

"QUITE MARVELOUS, YES? I SHOULD KNOW; I MADE IT ALL MYSELF!" Papyrus preened smugly, picking a small beetle out from between his vertebrae and devouring it messily. "WHEN I ACTIVATE THIS PUZZLE, THINGS WILL HAPPEN! BAD ONES, THAT YOU! WILL NOT LIKE VERY MUCH AT ALL ONE BIT! THE FUN LEVELS WILL DECLINE INTO ABSOLUTE NEGATIVITY; OF THIS, I AM POSITIVE! NYEH HEH HEH!" Apparently, Papyrus was immune to his own puns. "NOW, PREPARE FOR THE ULTIMATE TEST, HUMAN! FOR I AM ABOUT TO BEGIN TO START THE WARMUP PHASE OF THE FIRST OPENING SEQUENCE OF THIS PUZZLE!" The only sound was that of the wind. Also the butter was barking up a storm, but due to a lack of lungs and larynx and vocal chords, nobody could hear it. 

"...that doesn't look very activated." Sans raised an eye...ridge, glancing between the confused human and his statuesque brother. 

"WELL... YES. THAT IS BECAUSE I AM STILL PREPARING TO BEGIN! SOON, YOUR DEMISE WILL COME! IN THE FORM OF... BAD. THINGS." A bead of sweat trickled down the side of Papyrus' skull. 

"it still isn't going." 

"WELL. THAT. IS BECAUSE I. UHM. HAD AN EPIPHANY, YES! THIS CHALLENGE IS MUCH TOO CHALLENGING, FOR SUCH A TINY HUMAN. LOOK AT THOSE LEGS; HOW DO THEY EVEN WALK AROUND?! NO, I'M AFRAID THIS IS SIMPLY TOO EASY TO DEFEAT THE HUMAN WITH. SHUT IT DOWN, SHUT IT ALL DOWN!" All the ropes reluctantly retracted, the stick of frozen butter wriggling free so that it might wreak havoc upon the unsuspecting populace. 

Frisk breathed a sigh of relief and also offence. Their legs weren't that short! These shorts were just... very voluminous, and made their legs appear smaller by comparison. 

"HOW DARE YOU GIVE ME SUCH GRATEFUL GOOGLY EYES. YOU THINK I AM GRANTING YOU MERCY? NYEH HEH HEH, I AM MERELY SAVING A MUCH WORSE FATE FOR YOU! ONE THAT YOU WON'T ENJOY ONE BIT! IF YOU DID ENJOY IT, I WOULD BE QUITE CONCERNED! NOW... AWAY I GO!" The Papyrus-copter took off into the sky, disappearing off in the distance. This left Sans and the human all alone. With no witnesses. 

Frisk immediately ran across the bridge onto solid ground, attempting a friendly smile. "H-hey, Sans. A-about the pun thing... I just couldn't take it anymore! You understand, right?! You're a funny guy, you know how it feels when you can't make people laugh!" 

Sans stared at the blubbering human with a twinkle in his eye. "Y o u r e a l l y a r e p a t h e t i c. but you know what, i like you anyway. feel free to make all the puns you want. just remember who the top dog is, got it?" 

Frisk nodded frantically, taking in a deep breath. "WHAT'S A DEMON'S FAVORITE ITALIAN DISH? IMPASTA. WHAT DO YOU CALL A SLEEPING BOVINE? A BULL DOZER. WHAT DO YOU CALL A PUNCH THAT ALWAYS KNOWS WHAT TIME IT IS? A CLOCK. WHAT DO YOU CALL A MAGICAL IRISH MAN THAT SCAMS PEOPLE? A LEPRECON. WHAT DO YOU CALL A ROOT VEGETABLE THAT GROWS IN WINTER? A SNOWTATO. WHAT DO YOU CALL A FIGHT WITH UNCERTAIN ODDS? ABOUT. WHERE'S A SKELETON THE MOST TICKLISH? ON HIS FUNNY BONE." Frisk panted for breath, collapsing on their side in the snow. Sans clapped politely. 

"gotta hand it to ya kid, that wasn't bad. icy a lot of potential in you." The previously murderous skeleton winked, helping the human out of the snow. "c'mon kid, you look beat. we should get you innside." He lead them off the edge of the screen, and into the cute, friendly little town of Snowdin. The sight of it filled them with determination, but it unfortunately didn't fill their stomach. The human tugged pleadingly on Sans' jacket, pantomiming a faint. 

"yeah, yeah, i hear ya. we'll get you to the inn, and you'll be right as rain." Sans picked Frisk up by the leg, lifting them into the air and spinning them around. He hurled them across town and through the door of a punny little inn, where they smashed face first into the front desk. 

"Oh my, but don't you look tired! It's only 80G for a stay here at Snowed Inn!" The rabbit... lady peered over the counter at the grievously injured human. Frisk threw a handful of G in her face before crawling up the stairs, leaving a streak of red behind them. They flopped into the first room they saw, pulling themself up onto the bed and passing out immediately. 

Frisk practically flew down the stairs, smiling broadly and rubbing their tummy happily. The lady behind the counter gave them an odd look. "My, don't you look energetic! And.. well fed. Which is odd, because you were only up there for a few seconds, and we don't even serve food here. Have your money back; you can pay me if you actually plan to stay overnight." Rabbitlady threw the handful of G right back in Frisk's face, which they quickly gobbled up. DELICIOUS. 

The next hour or so involved Frisk haggling on the price of a bandanna covered in abs and flexing biceps, as well as attempting to respell the librarby sign to read 'braylirb'. They cast a longing look at Grillby's and chatted up every single one of the town's fourteen occupants until they ran out of dialogue. Finally, Frisk made it to the edge of town, with a bandanna around their face and a ribbon in their hair, they felt like a ballerina bandito. They ventured forth into the right of the screen, as a frosty overlay slowly encompassed everything. They ground to a halt when visibility dropped to zero, and then... a silhouette appeared. 

"HUMAN. I.. MUST SPEAK WITH YOU. ABOUT THINGS OF GRAVE IMPORTANCE." 

"Could we maybe do this somewhere else? I'm snowblind out here." Frisk chuckled and winked repeatedly as Papyrus fell to the ground, dead as a... skeleton. Frisk stared. 

After reverting their save, they waited for Papyrus to actually speak this time. 

"I MUST SPEAK WITH YOU ABOUT... FEEEEEEEELINGS." Papyrus dragged out the word as if he'd never spoken it before. "FEELINGS OF ADMIRATION, ADORATION, ADULATION, AND OTHER WORDS THAT START WITH THE LETTER 'A'. APRICOT! THESE ARE ALL THINGS YOU SURELY FEEL TOWARDS ME. THE DESIRE TO SHARE PASTA RECIPIES, THE NEED TO HAVE SOMEONE COOL AND SMART THINK THAT YOU ARE ALSO COOL... I CAN HARDLY IMAGINE FEELING THOSE THINGS. YOU MUST BE SO LONELY, HAVING NO FRIENDS! BUT FEAR NOT; I PAPYRUS, WILL... WILL.... NO. THIS IS WRONG, ALL WRONG! ENTIRELY INCORRECT! I CANNOT BEFRIEND YOU, HUMAN. I MUST CAPTURE YOU, SO THAT I MIGHT KNOW THE FEEEEEELING OF ACHIEVING ALL OF THESE 'A' WORDS! BUT I WILL SHARE ONE 'A' WORD WITH YOU... ATTACK!" 

And so the battle began. Frisk immediately started out with a flirt, winking and suggestively wiggling their hips at the skeleton, who blushed fiercely. "H-HOW DARE YOU USE YOUR POWERS OF FLIRTATION UPON THE GREAT PAPYRUS! UNLEASHING THESE... FEEELINGS OF YOURS UPON ME! UNFORTUNATELY FOR YOU, MY STANDARDS ARE MUCH TOO HIGH FOR ANY HUMAN TO MEET!" 

"I can complete the mazes on the back of cereal boxes." 

Papyrus gasped in shock, head spinning wildly. "IMPOSSIBLE! MY STANDARDS HAVE BEEN MET! IT APPEARS I HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO GO ON A DATE WITH YOU! WELL, THAT CAN WAIT UNTIL AFTER YOU HAVE BEEN CAPTURED!" 

Frisk did a triumphant little dance before hitting the SPARE button. 

"TRYING TO AVOID A FIGHT, HM? IT SEEMS I WILL HAVE TO PUNISH YOU WITH MY FABLED BLUE ATTACK!" The words 'blue attack' stood out in a glittery blue font. And then Frisk was blue. "YOU'RE BLUE NOW. THAT'S MY ATTACK." 

They were blue now. It was pretty whatever. Several grueling minutes passed as Frisk dodged increasingly intricate gauntlets of cute little bones and Papyrus dabbed various cream cheeses behind his ears and poured MTT brand Anime Sparkles in his eye sockets. After realizing he was both blind and didn't have ears, his attacks ground to a halt. 

"W-WELL," Papyrus wheezed, pressing a hand over his manly chest, "IT HAS BECOME CLEAR THAT YOU ARE UNABLE TO DEFEAT ME. IT PAINS ME TO WATCH YOU FLOUNDER USELESSLY BENEATH THE WEIGHT OF MY INCREDIBILITY. THUS, I WILL SPARE YOU. THIS IS YOUR CHANCE TO ACCEPT MERCY FROM THE GREAT AND MERCIFULLY MERCIFUL PAPYRUS." 

Frisk panted for breath, covered in bone shaped bruises, and shakily hit the SPARE button to end the battle. Papyrus was busy blubbering and bemoaning his inability to defeat a single human, even one as tiny and weak and insignificant as them. 

"Hey, it's alright. You're cool, dude." Papyrus hit the ground, as dead as a skeleton. "WAIT, NO, THAT WASN'T A PUN!"


	7. Dating's tip

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I don't even know.

Frisk stood in front of a particularly reflective chunk of ice, carefully adjusting the ribbon in their hair. They had spent over an hour trying to create different hair styles, but now they were finally ready to go on their date with Papyrus! Hooray! He had called them on their cellphone at least eight times by now, babbling about spaghetti and Sans' socks, as well as informing them of their surroundings, which he was... somehow aware of. They frowned thoughtfully at their reflection. Oh well, probably nothing to worry about. What truly mattered was... dating time! Frisk tested their suavest grin on their reflection, watching it blush and quiver with an inflating sense of confidence. There was no way Papyrus could resist them! They did an excited little twirl, and headed back to Snowdin. Unfortunately their excitement overwrote their caution, which resulted in several face plants upon the ice. They were bleeding profusely before long. 

"AH, HUMAN, YOU HAVE FINALLY ARRIVED FOR OUR DATE!" Papyrus called from in front of his house, arms and head spinning in greeting. Frisk waved back and sent the skeleton a grin that was missing a few teeth. "COME, HUMAN. OUR DATE SHALL COMMENCE IN A SPOT THAT IS VERY NEAR AND DEAR TO MY HEART." Papyrus snapped the human up by the collar of their shirt with his teeth, scuttling out through the left exit of town.

Papyrus stopped in front of the same rope bridge where Frisk had been brutally murdered, spitting the human out into the snow. "WELL, HERE WE ARE. THE GAUNTLET OF TERRIBLE DEADLINESS. PLEASE, FEEL FREE TO LOOK AROUND, AND I WILL YELL AT YOU ABOUT THE THING YOU'RE INSPECTING!" He carefully watched the human, who was currently head deep in snow. "AH, SNOW. QUITE COLD, IS IT NOT? I SHOULD KNOW, I MADE IT MYSELF," he boasted grandiosely. The skeleton sat at the edge of the sheer cliff face, legs dangling over the abyss. "YOU KNOW, SOME EVENINGS I LIKE TO COME OUT HERE AND WATCH THE SUN SINK OVER THE HORIZON, AND THEN COUNT THE STARS UNTIL THE MOON SHINES OVERHEAD. THAT'S USUALLY THE POINT WHERE SANS INTERRUPTS WITH SULTRY JAZZ TUNES." He gazed deeply over the edge of the cliff, a faraway look in his... sockets. 

Frisk had finally freed themself from the snowdrift, and had wobbled over to sit beside the melancholy skeleton. They sat in contemplative silence for a few moments. "...But we're underground." 

"AHA! WHAT AN ASTUTE OBSERVATION! YOU ARE A COOKIE THAT SCORES MUCH HIGHER ON STANDARDIZED TESTS THAN THE MAJORITY OF OTHER PASTRIES! YES, SANS ALWAYS TELLS ME THE SAME THING WHEN I SIT OUT HERE, BUT I CONTINUE DOING IT SIMPLY TO PROVE HIM WRONG! FOR HOW CAN THERE NOT BE A SUNSET IF I AM CLEARLY SITTING OUT HERE, GAZING THOUGHTFULLY UPON IT?"  
There was clearly no possible way to reason with Papyrus. So Frisk simply sat at his side, eyelids drooping as they absorbed the odd warmth that the skeleton emanated. This was pretty nice, actually... 

"HEY, REMEMBER THAT OTHER THING ABOUT THIS PLACE? THE TIME WHEN I WAS GOING TO KILL YOU WITH SPIKES AND FIRE? WHAT FUN WE HAD BACK THEN, IN MORE INNOCENT TIMES. I AM GLAD THAT WE COULD PUT SUCH THINGS BEHIND US IN FAVOR OF DEEP AND MEANINGFUL RELATIONSHIPS." Frisk stared blankly at the side of the skeleton's skull. He continued on, unperturbed. "THERE WAS ALSO THE TIME WHEN I FORCED YOU THROUGH A DEADLY MAZE OF ELECTRICITY, AND ALSO THAT THING WHERE I MADE YOU LUNCH AND YOU DIED FROM THE SHEER SHOCK OF FLAVOR-" Papyrus paused as he felt a tugging at his cape, glancing over at the human. "HMM?" 

Frisk took a moment to compose themself, using up the last of their anime blushes and one hundred percent of their charisma for this next, devastating move. They peered innocently up at the confused skeleton through dark lashes, bangs perfectly framing the pink dusting their cheeks. "Uhm, Papyrus? I'm sorry to interrupt, but this date is a little... barebones." Papyrus blushed heavily through his horrific, pun induced agony, so taken was he by the human of dubious legality. (HEY, THAT RHYMED! MC P. IS NOW UP IN THIS HIZZOUSE! MASTER OF R&R THAT STANDS FOR RHYTHM AND RHYME, YO! WORD TO YOUR MOTHER, AS WELL AS ANY AND ALL PARENTAL FIGURES OR LEGAL GUARDIANS YOU MAY POSSESS!) 

"W-WELL. I. UH. U-UHM," the Great Papyrus stuttered, taken aback by the sheer force of Frisk's dating power. "IDEA! I SHALL TAKE YOU BACK TO MY ABODE, AND COOK FOR YOU A DELICIOUS SPAGHETTI! THEN WE CAN GO UP TO MY ROOM AND... DO WHATEVER IT IS PEOPLE DO ON DATES. YES, THIS PLAN IS FOOLPROOF!" Papyrus gave himself a high five, snatching up the human with his feet and leaping off the cliff. He flapped his arms to gain altitude, soaring high above the snowy landscape of snow... place(Frisk still had no idea what it was called).

He dropped the screaming human from forty thousand feet, sending them careening towards the ground. Luckily, the roof of his house broke their fall. He fluttered easily through the new skylight, staring inquisitively down at the human pancake that lay upon his newly destroyed couch. "YES, PLEASE, MAKE YOURSELF AT HOME! SORRY ABOUT THE MESS." He swept a bit of insulation off to the side. "FEEL FREE TO LOOK AROUND WHILE I COOK FOR YOU THE MASTER OF ALL CUISINE." He did a front flip into the kitchen, knocking over several towering... towers, of cutlery and ceramics. "OOPS." A muffled 'WHOMP WHOMP WHOOOMP' came from upstairs. "SANS, I AM GOING TO DO VERY INAPPROPRIATE AND UNENJOYABLE THINGS TO YOU WITH THAT TROMBONE!" 

Meanwhile, Frisk was busy holding on to life by a single thread, determined to see this date through to the end without having to revert. Although they might not have a choice, if Papyrus fed them more spaghetti. Determined to avoid another death by pasta, they glooped themself back into their original shape, ignoring their horrific internal wounds and severe blood loss as they crawled into the kitchen. Papyrus was currently attempting to fill a slightly dented pot up with water, but he was unable to reach the sink, being that it was up near the ceiling. "CURSES, FOILED AGAIN BY MY OWN GENIUS!" Apparently having forgotten the fact that he can fly for whatever reason, Papyrus turned a morose look on the human currently bleeding on his nice kitchen tiles. "OH, HUMAN. I AM AFRAID YOUR INTERNAL SUPPLY OF PASTA SAUCE WILL BE UNNEEDED... BECAUSE I ALREADY HAVE PRE-PREPARED SPAGHETTI IN THE FRIDGE!" Papyrus beamed as horror dawned upon Frisk. The skeleton hummed a tune as he tore off the fridge door, gently placing it on top of the trash can. He removed one of dozens of containers labeled 'spaghetti', pulling a fork out from behind the ear he didn't have and throwing both it and the container inside the microwave. He punched in '6:66' and waited patiently as the microwave shook and sparked, finally imploding with a terrific bang. He pulled off the microwave door and gently placed it on top of the refrigerator door, and proceeded to dump the fork and spaghetti on Frisk's head. "BONE APPETITE, HUMAN!" 

Frisk sat on the floor, swimming in shame, frustration, and pasta sauce. They reached up to pluck a single strand out of their hair, placing it in their mouth with the utmost hesitance. After several seconds of chewing and not death, they gave Papyrus a thumbs up. The skeleton squealed like a little girl, picking the human up and spinning them around, which resulted in the kitchen being splattered with noodles and marinara sauce. "OH, MOST JOYOUS OF DAYS! HUMAN, YOU HAVE TRULY WARMED MY HEART UPON THIS DAY, EATING MY SPAGHETTI WITH NARY A COMPLAINT! BUT BEFORE WE CAN BEGIN OUR DATE, YOU SIMPLY MUST CLEAN UP!" Papyrus snatched the human up by the head, dribbling them like a basketball before shooting them up in the sink. "LEFT IS FOR COLD," the skeleton shouted. A squeal of pain answered him. "OR, MAYBE IT'S HOT. YOU'LL FIGURE IT OUT!" 

Several minutes found a dripping wet and thoroughly miserable Frisk standing in the middle of Papyrus' room, which he was currently attempting to show off. "-LWAYS DREAMED OF ENGAGING IN VEHICULAR MANSLAUGHTER, WHATEVER THAT IS. IT CERTAINLY SOUNDS FUN!" He rambled on and on about his action figures (THEY'RE A PERFECT HYPOTHETICAL BATTLE TESTER, BUT IT SEEMS THAT NO MATTER WHAT SCENARIO I PUT THEM IN, THE DINOSAUR POLICE SQUAD ALWAYS WINS) and his card based board games (THIS ONE IS CALLED 'REBATE RUMBLE'. YOU TRY TO STRONG ARM THE HIGHEST RETURN POSSIBLE FROM 'THE CORPORATION', AND THE FIRST PLAYER TO SPEND TEN THOUSAND DOLLARS WITHOUT GOING BROKE WINS) as well as board based card games(ME AND SANS DON'T HAVE A NAME FOR THIS ONE YET; WE JUST THROW CARDBOARD RECTANGLES AT EACH OTHER UNTIL SOMEONE GIVES UP). Frisk nodded along absently to everything he said, trying to squeeze water out of their sadly drooping ponytail, as well as out of their ugly, stolen sweater. Eventually they abandoned the sweater altogether, subtly sliding it underneath Papyrus' bedsheets. He wouldn't notice, right? 

Finally, he stopped rambling. "SO, HUMAN. SHALL WE... DO DATING.. THINGS?" Papyrus tapped his gloved fingers together, smiling nervously. Frisk nodded firmly, and so the dating began! 

Papyrus stood confidently in the middle of his room, cape billowing in the breeze of the AC. "HUMAN, I AM AFRAID THAT YOU HAVE NO CHANCE OF DEFEATING ME. MY DATING SKILLS ARE THROUGH THE ROOF!" He pointed upwards, where a piece of paper with the words 'Papyrus' dating skills' was taped to the hole in the ceiling. "WAIT. HOLD ON A MINUTE." The skeleton pulled a tiny handbook out from behind his nonexistent nose, taping a pair of reading glasses onto his face. "HMM. CLOTHES, COMPLIMENTS, KAWAII FACES... N-NO! THIS IS IMPOSSIBLE! YOU... YOU'VE MANAGED TO INCREASE YOUR DATING POWER THREEFOLD BEFORE THE DATE HAD EVEN BEGUN?!?!" Papyrus clutched at his chest as if mortally wounded, howling in disbelief. Frisk simply winked and finger pistoled at him, prompting the skeleton to reach a new octave. His head began slowly rotating around as he screamed, moving faster and faster as he rose in pitch. Without warning his head popped right off his neck, whirling around at ridiculous speeds. Frisk ducked as it flew overhead, crashing into the wall and sawing right through the wood and plaster. Papyrus' body clutched frantically at his neck, running in circles around the room before tripping into the wall. 

All in all, Frisk thought the date went pretty well.


	8. The gang's all here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm a slut for comments.

It took Frisk roughly four hours to find Papyrus' detached head, which was honestly astounding. You'd think with how loud the skeleton screeched, it'd be much easier to find him. But I'll explain that away by saying he landed in a snowdrift, or something. Or perhaps atop a tree from which his voice could carry strong and clear, so that he might sing to all the creatures of the forest and bring them to his aid. No, probably not. What actually happened was that Frisk found him at the bottom of a frozen lake, and had to backtrack to steal an old fishing rod with a picture of a weird monster attached to the hook. The picture proved to be a delicious snack, and filled Frisk with enough determination to spend the rest of the afternoon trying to fish Papyrus out of the lake.

All this time fishing gave the puny pacifist some time to think about super srs things. The future, the past... the present. Where their life had been, and where it was going. They contemplated the state of the Underground compared to that of the Overworld, setting aside their differences to reveal their contrasts and similarities. Everyone that Frisk had met down here was... crazy, sure. But they were friendly, too. Friendly, welcoming, compassionate; even Papyrus, who had vowed to capture them and turn them over to the king of all monsters had become their friend. Sans was still an unknown variable, but he seemed perfectly nice when he wasn't trying to kill them. Also there were the dogs that almost peed on them, but Frisk could forgive them for that. Up on the surface... things were different. They were ridiculed for their hair, their jokes, their striped shirts... people were callous, and had no time for a child(?) of indeterminable age with a smile on their face and a dream in their heart. A dream to be liked, a dream to be loved. By any and all. Friendship was hard to come by on the surface, but down here... Maybe they didn't have to leave. Things weren't really so bad, right? Sure, they'd died multiple times in a number of gruesome ways, but that didn't even matter anymore! With the power to save, they could make sure everything went smoothly, and nobody got hurt. When they really thought about it... falling down that hole was the best thing that had ever happened to them. 

"HUMAN, YOU HAVE RESCUED ME! NOT THAT I WAS IN ANY PARTICULAR NEED OF RESCUE, BUT YOUR ASSISTANCE IS APPRECIATED NONETHELESS. ..WHAT IS WITH THAT SAD LOOK ON YOUR FACE? ARE YOU DISPLEASED WITH THE RESULT OF OUR DATE? I'D BE HAPPY TO START OVER." 

Frisk shook their head lightly, a tiny smile growing on their lips. When they'd first met Papyrus, they'd found him loud, dull, and obnoxious. But now.. they saw the heart that (metaphorically) sat within his bony chest, filled with compassion, and good cheer, and determination. He was so enthusiastic about everything he did, and even when it failed he had a smile on his goofy bone face. 

"HUMAN, IS SOMETHING WRONG? YOU ARE PAYING LITTLE TO NO ATTENTION TO THE TALKING SKULL HOOKED ON YOUR FISHING ROD."

-oriel had been so sweet and caring and they'd just shut the door right on her. Even with her quirks she'd have been a fair sight better than Frisk's own moth-

Papyrus gasped dramatically, flailing back and forth on the fishing line. "OH MY GOD, IT'S WORSE THAN I THOUGHT. YOU'VE BEEN INFECTED BY INTROSPECTITUS! IF ONLY I HAD LIMBS, I'D FLY YOU BACK TO SAFETY!" 

-blook was such a pure soul, one that simply needed love and attentio-

"OH GEEZ OH GOSH OH MAN, WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO? OTHER THAN YELL OF COURSE, WHICH I AM CURRENTLY DOING A VERY GOOD JOB OF." Papyrus preened, licking the inside of his eye socket with a long, slimy tongue, collecting grubs from within. "WAIT, AN IDEA HAS APPEARED!" Papyrus' tongue stretched out several feet, dripping blue slime all over the snow. It slathered goop all over Frisk's thoughtful expression, dripping in their eyes and nose and mouth. The human didn't react for the first few seconds, but they jolted back to life when the tip of Papyrus' tongue traced a groove in their brain. 

Frisk's scream was high pitched enough to shatter the frozen lake into little ice cubes, and they violently chucked Papyrus' skull as far away as they could. The skull let out a wailing cry of triumph as he sailed through the air, cracking off the trunk of a tree to land back in the snow. "OWIE!" 

Frisk clawed at their face, scooping off massive handfuls of gloop as they attempted to clean off their brain. Eventually they resorted to dunking their head in the lake. Several minutes later they wobbled off to find Papyrus, their entire head dripping wet and completely numb. "THIS WAY, HUMAN. TO THE LEFT! QUICKLY, BEFORE THE DOGS COME FOR ME!" They wandered amongst the trees for longer than was necessary, following the soothing sound of Papyrus' shrieks until he led them to a large gnarled tree, under which he sat. And then I skipped the rest of this scene because it's boring. We'll just say that Papyrus used his jet propulsion powers to fly them back to Snowdin, or something. Then they all had big plates of spaghetti and many laughs were had. And then Frisk had to revert to their last save point. 

"SO, ABOUT OUR DATE... I'M AFRAID I MUST DELIVER SOME BAD NEWS. I... DO NOT FEEL ANIME ROMANCE TOWARDS YOU, HUMAN. I AM MUCH MORE OF A CHEESY ROMANTIC COMEDY MAN MYSELF. SO ALAS, WE MUST PART WAYS, LIKE SHIPS SAILING IN THE NIGHT. BUT WE CAN STILL BE FRIENDS, OF COURSE! WHAT WOULD I DO WITHOUT MY FAVORITE PASTA BUDDY, AFTER ALL?" 

Rejected by both skeleton brothers. Was there any way to feel lower than this? At least the promise of a spaghetti based friendship helped lift Frisk's spirits. They smiled faintly at the apprehensive skeleton, assuring him that they were happy to remain friends with him. 

"OH, GOODIE! OUR FRIEND SHIP CANNOT BE FELLED; THE WATERY ABYSS SHALL NOT TAKE US THIS DAY!" Papyrus gestured animatedly with his limbs, clearly happy to be reunited with them. "COME, WE SHALL CELEBRATE WITH A FEAST! SANS, GET DOWN HERE! WE'RE GOING TO CELEBRATE FRIENDSHIP WITH THE HUMAN!" 

"sure, but only if you keep the shipping to a minimum." Sans winked at his closed door as Papyrus slumped over, head glancing off the floor. The tinier skeleton finally made his grand appearance, slumping down the stairs at incredibly slow speeds. Come to think of it, this is the fastest Frisk had ever seen him move. "hey kid, glad to see you're alright. hope my bro didn't get a-head of himself on his date." Papyrus foamed at the mouth, one of his legs kicking weakly. 

"His moves were a little dated," spittle splattered across the carpet, "but he was very much a gentleskeleton." Frisk fondly patted Papyrus' quivering tibia, neither they nor Sans seeming at all concerned about his current medical emergency. "So, are we going to eat something other than spaghetti?" (please say yes please say YES) 

"sure, we can head on over to grillby's. that way i can keep my promise to you." Sans winked again. Maybe he had something caught in his eye? Either way, both he and Frisk grabbed one of Papyrus' legs and dragged him out the door, making a spectacle in the streets that nobody paid attention to. Papyrus' skull cracked against the door as they stepped into Grillby's, Frisk breathing a sigh of relief when they saw that Greater Dog had returned from their journey between the folds of reality. Also Dogamy and Dogaressa were okay! Boy gee isn't that just swell. Frisk and Sans both waved at the group of dogs, who waved back at them. They all continued waving for roughly ten minutes before Papyrus came to, and he proceeded to join in the waving as well. He ended up winning. 

Anyway, they finally made it in through the front door and sat at the bar, where a sentient fire person guy man with some sweet glasses was standing, polishing a glass with a burning rag. "two of the regular. hey, kid, you want fries or a burger?" 

Frisk don't play by your daddy's rules however, and so they ordered a burger with fries on the side. Sans nodded, looking vaguely impressed. But it was hard to tell, considering he only had one default expression. Their food came out near instantaneously, and Papyrus' complaining about how greasy and disgusting it was provided some pleasant background noise. 

"hey kid, want some ketchup?" Frisk nodded resolutely, determined to spice up their meal with the king of all condiments. Sans grabbed a bottle of ketchup, slowly and extremely deliberately moving it across the bar. "here, lemme get that for you." He very carefully unscrewed the cap, holding it over Frisk's food. Ketchup poured out like a waterfall, soaking their food and dripping off the plate. Sans held it in the air for a solid five minutes, tapping the bottom of the bottle to get out any last dregs. "oops. my hand slipped."

The entire bar was silent. Frisk and Sans made powerful anime eye contact, lightning bolts leaping between their locked gazes. Without looking away, Frisk very slowly and deliberately picked up their ketchup drenched burger, and took the biggest bite they could possibly manage. They chewed powerfully, the force of their overbite absolutely pulverizing the patty and toppings. And then, they swallowed. The entire bar remained silent. Suddenly, Fish Head Guy began clapping. Slowly, and then faster and faster. Doggo picked up the slack, and was soon joined by Dogamy and Dogaressa. Before long the entire bar was clapping loudly, whistling and cheering and making enough noise to drown out Papyrus' jubilant shouts. A window shattered in the background. Sans and Frisk smiled at one another, reaching across the bar to shake hands. 

"you know what kid, you got guts. I c o u l d p a i n t t h e r o o m w i t h t h e m, but you've really impressed me this time. maybe one day, you'll even ketchup with me." They both ignored Papyrus' choked wailing, laughing together like old pals. "bro, you really need to take those allergy pills." 

"SANS, YOU PUT THEM IN THE SOCK THAT YOU REFUSE TO TAKE OUT OF THE LIVING ROOM! I CAN'T TOUCH THAT THING! IT'S TOO... LEWD." Papyrus fanned himself with a Junior Jumble that just happened to be laying on the bar. "SOMETIMES I THINK YOU DO THESE THINGS ON PURPOSE." 

"dunno what could have ever given you that idea." Sans winked both eyes in unison, which looked more like a blink than anything. Perhaps every time he blinks, he's actually double winking!11!!!1 "anyway, i think i've had my fill." His food was entirely untouched. "you two enjoy your meals; i should be gettin' back to work anyway." And with that he tumbled end over end out of the bar, much to the disappointment of all. 

"CAPTAIN LAZYBONES, ACTUALLY CARING ABOUT GOING TO WORK? WHAT A STRANGE DAY IT HAS BEEN." Frisk nodded absently, picking at the fries that Sans had left behind. It felt like they hadn't eaten in... AN ETERNITY. 

"Your brother does seem pretty lazy. I think he fell asleep on his way in here." 

"YOU'RE TELLING ME. HE'S ALWAYS TAKING NAPS ALL NIGHT LONG. THAT TIME COULD BE BETTER SPENT BLOGGING, LIKE MYSELF! WHAT BETTER WAY TO SHARE MY GREATNESS WITH THE WORLD THAN THROUGH THE INTERWEB?"

Frisk nodded sagely. "I'd follow your blog, but uh.." They held up their outdated phone, head hung in shame. Papyrus squealed in horror, whisking Frisk out of their seat and holding them against his bosom. 

"YOU POOR, NEGLECTED CREATURE. DO NOT FEAR! BROTHER PAPYRUS SHALL PURCHASE FOR YOU THE MOST ADVANCED PHONE KNOWN TO MONSTER! AND BY PURCHASE, I MEAN BEG FOR UNDYNE TO BEG FOR ALPHYS TO MAKE YOU ONE!" Papyrus stood and planted both hands heroically on his hips, Frisk dangling limply from a fist. 

"Brother Papyrus... are you a holy man?" The two made eye contact for an awkwardly long time. 

"...YES. I MEAN, NO. IT'S JUST... YOU'VE ONLY BEEN HERE A DAY, AND IT ALREADY FEELS LIKE YOU'RE PART OF THE FAMILY!" Papyrus took out a hankie (dropping frisk in the process) and blew his nasal cavities noisily. He dropped the snot rag on Frisk's prone form, leaping out through the broken window to (presumably) get Frisk a new cellphone. 

Grillby stood behind the bar, polishing the same glass. Frisk picked themself up off the ground, turning slowly to meet the bartender's gaze. The fires of Hell raged within his eyes. 

Frisk made sure to leave a big tip.


	9. Kitchen Nightmares

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Somebody does a violence.

An hour later found Frisk dozing on the skeleton brothers' couch, lulled to sleep by the soothing, sultry sound of Sans' trombone. They were warm, safe, well fed, and comfortable. What else could you ask for, really? A tiny part of Frisk never wanted it to end... 

But suddenly, many noises of loudness occurred! Papyrus screamed in terror as he was launched through his front window at forty million miles per hour, burrowing deeply into the far wall. A terrifying roar followed, accompanied by the sound of wood and plaster being obliterated as a hole was smashed in the wall beside the front door. A massive, hulking figure in a suit of spooper edgy black armor stomped through the debris, a glittering eye gleaming from under the helmet's visor. They played a brief electric guitar solo before tying the neck of the guitar into a knot and hurling it through the hole in the wall at supersonic speeds. "Alright Paprika, where's the nerd that needed this phone?!" A surprisingly feminine voice came from the armored figure, but it was still manly enough to scare the living begeezles out of Frisk. They surreptitiously attempted to hide underneath the couch cushions, but their movement was immediately spied. There was a brief silence that chilled the human down to the bone. "..Papyrus. Is this the human you captured?" A muffled mumble came from the wall. Undyne (let's not pretend that we don't know who this is) rolled her eye, punching a hole through the wall to grasp Papyrus' head in a gauntlet clad fist. She ripped him right out of the wall, dusting him off and dropping him onto his feet. 

"AH, YES..?" The skeleton looked extremely shaken, and took a moment to regain his composure. "I MEAN, INDEED IT IS! THE HUMAN THAT I CAPTURED IS THAT EXACT ONE!" 

"Then why the hell are we standing around? Let's gut the little twerp and take their soul to Asgore already!" A glowing spear materialized in Undyne's hand, and she pointed it directly at the cowering Frisk. 

"WAIT!" Papyrus swooced right in front of the spear, the point of it tickling his ribcage. "WE CAN'T KILL THE HUMAN! THEY, UH..." He fumbled for an excuse as Undyne's already miniscule patience wore thin. 

"What are you talking about?! That's our job, bonehead!" She ignored Papyrus' sputtering cough. "Now get out of the way before I make you." 

"YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND! THIS HUMAN IS.. I MEAN THEY'RE..." Papyrus faltered under Undyne's glare, but... the sound of Frisk's whimpering filled him with determination. He stood tall, taller than Undyne, puffing out his chest confidently. "YOU WILL NOT KILL THE HUMAN, BECAUSE THEY ARE MY FRIEND! AND MY HOUSE GUEST, TOO; IT WOULD BE EXTREMELY RUDE OF YOU TO MURDER THEM!" 

Undyne's helmet fell off with a loud clank. Her scaly, finned face was written with disbelief. "..You made friends with a human. This scrawny little nerd is your friend. And you don't want me to kill them and give their soul to the king, so that we can leave the Underground forever?" 

"THAT IS TOTALLY THE EXACT SITUATION." 

"Ugh... I really should have expected this. Alright you little worm, tell me what's so special about you that Papyrus would want to be your friend." 

"OH OH, I KNOW THIS ONE! THE HUMAN-`" Papyrus was silenced by a hand slapping over his mouth. 

"I want to hear it straight from the human. C'mon, I'm waiting!" The head of the Royal Guard crossed her arms impatiently, a deep scowl set on her face. 

Frisk shakily lowered the pillow they had been hiding behind. They smiled nervously, taking a moment to muster enough determination to turn on the charm. They flashed a charismatic grin, winking rapidly at the fish lady, who stared on in mild confusion. "Well, I can't say I've ever exSPEARienced such an explosive first meeting, but I have to say that it seems to be going absolutely crashing so far. You had me floundering at first, but I think things will go swimmingly from now on. As for how Papyrus and I became friends, well.. we started off with a few puzzling encounters and clever japes, and I was so impressed by his mastery of puzzles that I begged to be his friend. Cool guy that he is, he accepted my plea, and even took me out on the most romantic date of my life. Unfortunately it wasn't meant to be," Frisk paused to dab at the corner of their eye with a handkerchief, "but it was not enough to damage our bonds of friendship. Also, his spaghetti? Absolutely astonishing. I've never tasted anything like it in my life." Well, that was certainly true. 

Undyne looked mostly unimpressed, but at least she no longer appeared murderous. "Hmm... well you're a total weenie, but at least you seem aware of it. And you've acknowledged how cool Papyrus is, which gets you points in my book. And, as his cooking instructor, I'm happy to know he's been improving. BUT," Undyne punctuated her word by throwing a spear into the ceiling, "that DOESN'T mean that we're gonna be 'best pals', got it? You're lucky I'm not dragging you to Asgore's front door." 

"OH, MOST JOYOUS OF DAYS! MY TWO BEST FRIENDS, BONDING OVER THEIR MUTUAL LOVE AND ADMIRATION FOR THE GREAT PAPYRUS!" Papyrus hugged both Undyne and Frisk around the neck, squeezing so tight that Frisk's head literally exploded. But Papyrus superglued it back together so it was k. Frisk's smile was a lot less confident now that they were so close to Undyne, and they shrank backwards when she growled at them. How does a fish growl? The world may never know. 

"Yeah yeah, whatever." Undyne shrugged her way out of Papyrus' grasp, pulling a smartphone out of... somewhere, gripping it tightly. "Here's your phone, nerd." She opened her hand, revealing a pile of metal and glass shards. "SHIT. Wait, I got this." She stuffed the destroyed phone into her mouth, chewing loudly for a few moments. She then spat out a fully formed phone at Frisk, smacking them right in the face with it. "Hope you like it, scrublord. Also, if you ever make a pun around me again, I'm gonna smash you like I did that phone." 

Frisk gulped and nodded rapidly, a shaky smile on their face. They honestly didn't know who was scarier; Undyne and Sans both scared the bahoozies out of them. At least Sans was nice most of the time. 

"Oi, Papyrus. I'm guessing this moron is the reason you shirked your cooking lesson, huh?" Undyne crossed her eyes..er, eye, and cocked a hip menacingly, staring daggers at the suddenly nervous skeleton. 

"W-WELL, YES. THE CAREFUL CRAFTING OF PUZZLES TOOK A LOT LONGER THAN I THOUGHT IT WOULD, AND THE HUMAN WAS CLEVER ENOUGH TO SOLVE THEM ALL. I EXPECTED CAPTURE RIGHT AWAY." 

"Whatever, I don't wanna hear your excuses. We'll just have to do the cooking lesson here instead. Lucky for you..." Undyne reached... somewhere, pulling out a grocery bag full of tomatoes, spices, and store bought noodles, "I BROUGHT EVERYTHING WE NEED." A powerful arrangement of percussion and electric guitar began playing from nowhere as Undyne grinned maniacally. Frisk and Papyrus both gulped in unison.

The fish woman of dubious mental stability grabbed them by the scruff of their shirt and cape respectively, lifting them into the air. "C'mon, human! Maybe experiencing one of my AWESOME cooking lessons will make you less of a lame-o!" She hurled them both into the kitchen, bursting out of her armor and backflipping in behind them. She carefully eyed their surroundings, scoffing when she saw the state of disarray the kitchen was in. "Amateur work right here. If you wanna destroy something, you do it like THIS!" Undyne axe kicked the broken microwave so hard that it dissipated into individual atoms. 

"W-WE WERE GOING TO FIX THAT-" 

"C'mon, live a little! Besides, destruction is the law of the land!" She scooped up a handful of microwave atoms, smashing them between her palms. She gently pulled them back apart to reveal a fluorescent yellow butterfly. Skeleton and human stared on in varying levels of awe. "See? When something is destroyed, something new is born from the rubble." Her gentle smile turned sinister, and she snapped the butterfly out of the air with her teeth. "AND THEN YOU DESTROY IT AGAIN!" Frisk wept quietly. "NO TEARS ALLOWED IN UNDYNE'S KITCHEN. YOU MAN UP, OR GET OUT. AND YOU AIN'T GETTIN' OUT OF THIS."

She dropped both her students on the kitchen tile, roundhouse kicking the cabinet underneath the dizzyingly tall sink, obliterating enough wood to bring the sink back down to normal heights. "There, much better. HUMAN, you can make the sauce." She poured the tomatoes out on the counter, glaring at one that was about to roll off. It hastily moved back to the center of the counter. "Papyrus, you can boil the noodles." She dumped the cardboard package in his arms. "Alright, let me see what you've both got!" 

Papyrus and Frisk both shared a look, one being much more confident than the other. "NYEH HEH! FINALLY, YOU SHALL SEE THE MASTER CHEF PAPYRUS IN ACTION!" Papyrus pulled a saucepan out from under the sink, producing a white chef's hat from within it. Undyne and Frisk both clapped politely. "THANK YOU, THANK YOU." He gently placed the cap atop his mop of.. mop... and tied an apron that read 'RAD DUDE' around his waist. He blasted the sink full force into the saucepan, filling it up as the human carefully eyed the tomatoes on the counter. 

"Hey, little guys," they began softly. "How do you feel about becoming sauce for spaghetti?" They waited patiently for a response. 

"NO, YOU WIMP. You're supposed to SMASH them! Imagine they are your greatest foe, and do unto them exactly what they deserve!" 

Frisk nodded firmly, leaning in to whisper a little joke to one of the tomatoes before carefully patting it. 

"UGH! YOU'RE HOPELESS." Undyne shoved them aside. "Here, let me show you how it's done!" She glared down at a single tomato, eyeing it with brutal malice and ferocious intensity. Frisk watched on apprehensively as the tomato began quivering on the counter. Undyne continued glaring, her eye turning bloodshot and practically bulging out of her skull. Then, the tomato exploded into a fine paste, splattering all over the kitchen and its occupants. "See? Just like that. Now GET IT RIGHT." Frisk nodded frantically, practicing their glare on a hapless tomato. It didn't go well. 

Papyrus had just finished filling up the pot, and he slammed it down on the stovetop with as much force as he could muster. Undyne nodded, looking pleased. "Alright, now it's time to TURN UP THE HEAT!" Papyrus reached for the burner, but was quickly interrupted. "NO, NOT LIKE THAT. Like... THIS!" Undyne removed a massive portable flamethrower from wherever it was that she kept all of her things, blasting a jet of white hot flames at the pot of water. The water instantly evaporated, and the pot melted into a puddle of liquid metal. "Alright, now put the noodles in." Papyrus hesitantly dropped a handful of dry pasta on the liquid metal, watching them catch fire. 

"OOH, I SEE! YOU'VE DISCOVERED THE PERFECT TEMPERATURE AT WHICH TO COOK SPAGHETTI! YOU ARE TRULY A MASTER OF THE CULINARY ARTS, UNDYNE!"

The fish lady smiled modestly, twirling her ponytail around her finger. "Well, I wouldn't say that. I just know my way around the kitchen, you know?" She turned to check on the human's progress, frowning when she saw them crying as the tomatoes heckled them. "Ugh. Just let me do it." She slammed her hand down on top of a tomato, creating a powerful shockwave that caused all the other tomatoes to explode like hand grenades. Sauce was literally everywhere. Yes, even there. You sicko. 

"Great. Now we just.. uh..." She glanced between the molten pasta and the splattered tomato sauce. Carefully she removed a container of salt from her pocket or something, sprinkling just a tiny bit on top of the sauce. "There, perfect! Cooking lesson over. I hope you both found it extremely valuable. BECAUSE IF YOU DIDN'T..." She let the threat hang, cracking her knuckles. 

"INDEED! I DARE SAY THAT WAS YOUR MOST INFORMATIVE LESSON YET! AS SOON AS WE BUY A NEW KITCHEN, I'LL BE SURE TO UTILIZE THE KNOWLEDGE YOU HAVE GIFTED ME!" 

"Glad to hear it, Papyrus! Now if you dorks will excuse me, I've got some important Royal Guard business to take care of." She glared one last time at the human, causing them to sizzle under the power of her fury, before she kicked out another section of the wall and blasted away with rocket shoes or something. Frisk and Papyrus both stared at one another. 

"...I THINK UNDYNE REALLY LIKES YOU! SHE'S NEVER LET ANYONE ELSE SIT IN ON OUR COOKING LESSONS BEFORE; NOT EVEN SANS!" He leaned in and stage whispered, which still sounded like screaming. "I DON'T THINK SHE AND MY BROTHER LIKE EACH OTHER VERY MUCH. OR.. MAYBE THEY LIKE EACH OTHER TOO MUCH. I ALWAYS HEAR LOUD EXPLOSIONS WHEN THEY'RE ALONE WITH EACH OTHER, AND UNDYNE SURE DOES LOVE EXPLOSIONS." Papyrus gasped, slapping his cheekbones. "OH MY GOD, MY BROTHER MUST BE TRYING TO IMPRESS UNDYNE BY BLOWING THINGS UP! HUMAN, YOU HAVE TO HELP ME GET THEM TOGETHER IN SECRET!" 

"Uhm-"

"YOU'RE RIGHT. LOVE MUST TAKE A NATURAL COURSE; OUR INTERFERENCE MIGHT MESS EVERYTHING UP! EVEN SO, WE SHOULD DO THINGS THAT DON'T INVOLVE CLEANING THE KITCHEN! I'M SURE SANS WILL GET AROUND TO IT EVENTUALLY." Frisk was fairly certain that the kitchen would remain destroyed forever. They yawned loudly, earning a look from Papyrus. "OH, THAT'S RIGHT! YOU WERE DOING THAT NAPPING THING, WEREN'T YOU? AND AFTER UNDYNE, YOU MUST BE.. BONE TIRED. NYEH HEH HEH HEH! GO AHEAD AND DO THE NAP, TINY HUMAN. WE SHALL RESUME OUR FRIENDSHIP DOINGS WHEN YOU AWAKEN!" Papyrus placed his chef's hat on the human's head for safe keeping, before cartwheeling up the stairs and into his room. 

"..." Well, that happened. Frisk wandered out into the living room, which had become extremely drafty from the holes all over the house. There was no way they'd be able to sleep out here, and they didn't feel like napping at the inn for several seconds either. So they carefully crept upstairs, the sound of their footsteps masked by Papyrus' deathly loud voice, as well as the thumping music coming from the next room over. That must be Sans' bedroom. They eyed the rainbow of lights spilling out from under the door, and knocked hesitantly. The music shut off, and the door cracked open just enough to reveal an empty eye socket. 

"oh, it's you. did you need something?" Frisk rubbed their arms as if cold and made a pouty face. "hmm, i see. well, because you're so chill, i'll do you a favor." The door creaked open, revealing an absolute mess of a bedroom. The trash tornado in particular was very impressive. "welcome to me queso." Frisk raised an eyebrow. "hey, i never said i speak italian." This earned him a pair of rolled eyes, and he chuckled proudly. "c'mon in, i got just the thing." He dragged the human inside, the door squealing ominously as it closed behind them. Frisk eyed the treadmill in the center of the room incredulously, leaning in closer to read the note attached to it. 'out of order. order in instead.' Well. That explained a lot. Sans dragged them over to a dresser in the corner of the room, releasing their head in favor of digging around inside the single drawer. He eventually produced a fuzzy pull-over sweatshirt that read 'Bad to the Bone', and tossed it at them. "there you go. that should keep you warm. you'll look cool, too." Sans winked both eyes in rapid succession, continuing to do so until Frisk had slowly backed out of the room. 

Frisk finally returned to the drafty living room, all bundled up in the gifted sweatshirt. It smelled like stale poptato chisps and ketchup. So, basically like Sans. Did he ever wash his clothes? Frisk wondered if they could get away with just sneaking the sweatshirt back into his room, but he'd surely notice them. So they resigned themself to crawling onto the most intact half of the couch, pulling the throw blanket around their shoulders. They glanced around at the hole in the ceiling, and the wall, and the flamethrower that lay in the ruined kitchen. Staying here was probably bad for their health... but at least it wasn't boring.


	10. Battle Start!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning for giraffic violins. 
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> I mean graphic violence.
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> P.S. Also I managed to fuck up posting this chapter so read the first part again k thanks. <3

Frisk was bored as shit. It had been exactly eight days since they had begun staying at the skeleton brothers' house, and it seemed like every day was the exact same. They'd all be woken up at four in the morning by Papyrus' screaming in rage as he was trolled online by a "mysterious" anon called 'punster19'. The echoes of his screams rang out around the house for long enough that Frisk wouldn't be able to get back to sleep. Then, all three of them would sit around the kitchen table, sharing puns as Papyrus attempted to microwave raw pancake batter when he wasn't writhing on the floor. On day five, Frisk had retrieved the skeleton's allergy pills from the sock on the living room floor. This turned out to be a terrible decision however, because now there was just one less thing going on. After a hearty breakfast of spaghetti pancake soup they'd all settle down on the couch, where Papyrus and Sans would argue over what show to watch, despite there only being a single channel. By the time they finally settled on what to watch, Sans would have to leave for work. Papyrus wouldn't let him leave without at least six containers of spaghetti in his arms. Then, it was puzzle time. Papyrus would rapidly fire off puzzles at Frisk, and react with the exact same increasing levels of incredulity when they were completed. Frisk would be more impressed with how fast he came up with puzzles if they weren't the exact same puzzles every day. Eventually Papyrus would be so shocked that his head would fly off through the hole in the ceiling that still hadn't been fixed, prompting Frisk to spend the rest of the afternoon fishing it out from the bottom of the Gorge of Terrible Deadliness. By the time they made it home Sans would be on the couch, eating pizza. He'd share the leftover crusts with Frisk as Papyrus complained about how greasy and unhealthy it was, and then they'd all take turns in the bathroom before going to sleep. Every. Single. Day. 

Today was the first day that something different had happened. Today, Papyrus had said that he'd been putting off his pre-guard duties for far too long, and had given Frisk both a container of spaghetti and a pat on the head before disappearing out the hole next to the door. Now that Frisk was alone, there were limitless possibilities available at their fingertips. So to celebrate, they went to Grillby's and ate actual food for the first time in a week, and then they could think of literally nothing else to do, so they went home and took a bubble bath. So there they were, sat in a cramped tub full of lukewarm water among piles of bubbles that rose above their head. They'd spend at least twenty minutes splashing around and blowing bubbles around the bathroom, as they had always dreamed of doing, but that had quickly worn thin. Now they were pruney and the water was getting colder, but they were afraid of getting out just to slide right back into the repeating cycle of monotony. So Frisk sat among the legion of bubbles, floating around a rubbery ducky as they contemplated their next move. Fortunately(or unfortunately), said move was decided for them.

The door to the bathroom was reduced to splinters and sawdust by a size nine combat boot, and a shining spear cracked the tile above Frisk's head as it was hurled into the wall. Undyne stepped forth through the clouds of sawdust, a look of triumphantly murderous intentions upon her face. "HA! Did you REALLY think that I'd just let you go after one cooking lesson? I've just been biding my time, waiting to get you all by yourself! Now I'm gonna eat your puny little head like a grapefruit, and take the rest of you back to Asgore! PREPARE FOR THE END, HUMAN!" The dust settled, and Frisk made eye contact with the rampaging Undyne. She stared back as they stared at her staring back at their staring at her staring. Both of them screamed, high pitched and harmonized, as Frisk tried to cover themself even under the opaque bubbles and Undyne covered her eye, babbling apologies. Frisk screamed again as the spear in the wall wobbled free, falling and embedding itself in the bottom of the tub, and a piece of plaster from the damaged door frame fell on Undyne's head, prompting her to punch the rest of the doorframe into dust. 

"WHY IS IT SO LOUD IN HERE? IS THERE A PARADE IN TOWN?! OH DARNIT, I ONLY HAVE MY MASK FINISHED!" Rapid footsteps followed the boisterous yelling, and soon enough Papyrus had joined them in the bathroom, wearing an incredibly ornate feathered mask. "AM I LATE FOR THE PARADE?!"

Undyne and Frisk stared at one another, and then at Papyrus. Papyrus stared back. Then all three were screaming, Frisk covering themself and Undyne trying to get her spear out of the tub without seeing anything and Papyrus trying to get someone to throw beads at him. Suddenly, a torrent of shampoo bottles and loofahs were tossed at both the embarrassed fish lady and the oblivious skeleton as Frisk shrieked at them both to get out. 

Five minutes later found them all standing around in the living room, Papyrus and Undyne avoiding eye contact with the damp but fully dressed human. "SO, UNDYNE.. IT'S NICE TO SEE YOU! YOU DON'T NORMALLY COME OVER UNANNOUNCED... WHAT'S THE OCCASION?" 

A bead of sweat dripped down Undyne's face. "U-uh.. I just... wanted to see if you and the human wanted to join me... fooooorrrrrr......... a workout session?" She smiled nervously. 

"THAT SOUNDS LIKE A WONDERFUL IDEA! WE'VE BEEN A PACK OF LAZYBONES AROUND HERE LATELY, AND IT'D BE GREAT TO GET OUT OF THE HOUSE AND GET THE BLOOD PUMPING! OR, MARROW. WHATEVER. I'LL CALL SANS RIGHT AWAY! I'M SURE HE'D BE DELIGHTED TO JOIN US!" Papyrus skipped off up to his room, leaving Undyne alone with the human. 

"Listen here, PUNK," she hissed, leaning in close enough for Frisk to smell her fish breath. They weren't sure if that was because she'd been eating fish, or because she WAS a fish. "You may have lucked out this time, but one day Papyrus won't be around to protect you. And on that day, I'll bring you back to Asgore, so that we can free all monsters from the Underground forever!" 

Well, at least she had a good reason for wanting to kill them. "I-is there any other way to-" They were interrupted by the arrival of Papyrus, who was wearing a pair of sweat pants, a tank top that read 'Workout Guy', and a blue snapback hat with the text 'Work it to the Bone!' 

"I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU GUYS, BUT I AM TOTALLY PUMPED FOR THIS! I ALSO HAPPEN TO KNOW THE PERFECT SPOT." Papyrus reached out to grab Frisk and Undyne's wrists, dragging them out through the hole beside the door. "SANS WILL BE MEETING US THERE! HOPEFULLY." 

And so Frisk and Undyne were dragged out into the freezing cold, led in circles around Snowdin for roughly forty minutes before eventually stopping back outside of Sans and Papyrus' house. "HERE WE ARE! WOWIE, I CAN'T BELIEVE WE MADE SUCH GREAT TIME!" He stuck his head through the wall, waving at Sans, who was dead asleep on the couch. "WAKE UP, BONEHEAD! WE'RE GOING TO WORK OUT WITH UNDYNE!" 

Sans' head swiveled around to look at them, sockets twinkling. "gee, that sure sounds like a blast. you guys have fun, i've got some napping to ketchup on." Papyrus stood tall, unaffected by his brother's admittedly weak puns. 

"OH NO, YOU'RE NOT GETTING OUT OF THIS ONE! YOU KEEP FALLING ASLEEP ON THE STAIRS, AND ONE DAY YOU'RE GOING TO CRACK YOUR SKULL OPEN! SO YOU'RE GOING TO WORK OUT WITH US, AND THAT'S FINAL!" Papyrus plucked his brother off the couch, holding him up in the air. "NOW, YOU GUYS WORK OUT THE... WORK OUT ROUTINE, WHILE I GO GET SANS' TREADMILL." Papyrus bounded upstairs and into the other skeleton's room, the door slamming shut behind him. Sounds of exertion could be heard, followed by that of creaking bones. 

"he might be a while." Sans had stripped out all the electronics and filled the empty space with cement. "so undyne, why are you really here?" He stared up at the head of the Royal Guard, left eye twinkling with a merry blue light. Frisk shuddered involuntarily. 

Undyne scoffed, looking unfazed. "Uhm, did you not hear your brother? I'm here to whip you losers into shape!" She met Sans' gaze head on, neither one backing down an inch. Intense anime lightning leapt between them. "...Fine, okay! I'm here to bring the human back to Asgore. C'mon, don't you want to get out of this dump?" 

Sans shrugged, looking as triumphant as his single facial expression would allow. "eh, not really. it's pretty nice down here, actually. besides, i made a promise to someone that i'd keep the human safe. so if you keep goin' the way you're goin'... you're gonna have a b a d t i m e." 

"HA! Bring it on, bone boy! You think I can't take you?! You're like, the laziest guy in existence!" Undyne's spear materialized in her hand, and she flashed a dangerous smile at the grinning skeleton. Frisk subtly snuck away into the kitchen, and hid inside of the fridge. 

Sans looked nonplussed. "okay, don't say i didn't warn you. W h e n I' m d o n e w i t h y o u, s n o w b o d y w i l l b e a b l e t o f i n d a l l t h e p i e c e s." Undyne leapt into action, roaring a battle cry as she thrust her spear at Sans' grinning face. Moments before contact, a massive mechanical skull appeared over Sans' left shoulder, blasting Undyne full in the face with a beam of white hot energy. She weathered the blast for all of a second, before she was thrown backwards into the far wall. "c'mon undyne, i thought we were chums." Sans chuckled darkly. 

"UGH! You punny little bastard, I'm gonna kill you!" Undyne summoned dozens of floating spears, each one flying off like a shooting star towards Sans, who easily dodged out of the way. Undyne stared, mouth hanging open. 

"what, you thought i'd just stand there and take it? give it up before you end up sleeping with the fishes." Sans winked playfully as a legion of bones ripped themselves out of the ground, whirling through the air in confusing patterns. Undyne did her best to imitate Sans' impeccable dodging, and managed to avoid all but a few bones. 

"That's it, you little nerd! I hope you like green! NGAHHH!" Undyne lashed out with the tip of her spear at ludicrous speeds, just barely nicking the fabric of Sans' jacket. But it was enough to turn him green, prompting a maniacal grin from the heroine. "Eat this!" She flashed her spear through the air, creating hundreds of arrow shaped bullets that were aimed directly at Sans' soul. He effortlessly blocked every single one, eye crackling with blue energy as Undyne screamed in outrage. 

"let's see what papyrus taught you about blue attacks, shall we?" He raised a bony hand and grasped her soul in his space rending energy, idly flicking her into the walls, floor, and ceiling, all while sharpened stalks of bone emerged from every surface. Before long she was bouncing nimbly out of the way, firing off streams of bullets as Sans' grin grew strained. Having only one defense, he didn't possess the luxury of being able to take any hits. So instead he went all out with his attacks, firing waves of bones and summoning up dozens of gaster blasters. Undyne barely had time to breathe in between the ruthless attacks, and spent more time dodging than retaliating. But eventually, her near limitless stamina began giving her the advantage. Sans' attacks began slowing gradually, fewer bones flying towards her and his blue attacks lessening in intensity. Beads of sweat dripped down his skull, and his ribcage heaved up and down. "c'mon, we both know you can't beat me. so lay down that spear, and maybe you won't become fish food." 

"HA! You think I can't tell what's going on? You're such a lazy ass that you can't keep up with me anymore! Well, sorry to say, but Undyne never backs down from a fight! NGAAAAHHHHH!!!!" Undyne kicked off the far wall, leaping agilely off the head of a gaster blaster and into the air above Sans. She generated scores of glowing spears, firing an endless barrage directly down at him. The attack was finally punctuated by Undyne falling to earth with the force of a meteorite, spear aimed to pierce right through the skeleton's head. She landed with explosive force, the entire house rattling and groaning as the dust began to settle. "How'd you like THAT, nerd?!" 

"gotta hand it to you, that was quite the explosive finale," Sans wheezed from where he stood at the top of the stairs, leaning heavily against the banister. 

Undyne stared in utter disbelief. "H-how did you.." She trailed off, shock melting away into a triumphant grin. "Well, there's no way you're gonna dodge THIS!" Electric guitars growled and roared in the background, drumbeats going off like machine gun fire. She twirled her spear and posed confidently, light spilling through the hole in the ceiling to give her an almost radiant glow. She leapt up into the air with enough force to dent the floor on takeoff, raising her spear for the finishing blow. Sans grin stretched so far it nearly cracked his skull, his entire body being engulfed in his peculiar, crackling energy. 

Papyrus finally emerged from Sans' room, causing the entire room to freeze. "I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO THAT THING, BUT I CAN'T MAKE IT BUDGE AN INCH!" He looked up, catching sight of Undyne suspended in the air by blue energy and a spear centimeters away from Sans' spinal cord. "DID YOU ALL START WORKING OUT WITHOUT ME?!" 

Thirty minutes later found both Sans and Undyne sitting in separate Time Out corners, Papyrus and Frisk taking turns on the broken treadmill. "BOY, I ALREADY FEEL MORE IN SHAPE!" Papyrus flexed and kissed his nonexistent biceps as Frisk wrung out their sweatband.


	11. Pretty much just filler

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trying to figure out where I want to go with this garbage train.

Before long, Undyne's attacks became just another part of the routine. Brush your teeth, see Undyne in the mirror behind you. Eat a sandwich, see Undyne in the garbage can. Complete a puzzle, see Undyne in the pencil sharpener. Frisk wasn't sure how she managed any of these surprise attacks, but they always ended in one of two ways. Either Sans would see her and they'd engage in a battle that destroyed the house, or Papyrus would see her and she'd come up with some flimsy excuse as to why she was there. In one week alone they'd been snowboarding, ice dancing, ice fishing, skiing, rollerblading, disco dancing, and roof reshingling. Honestly, aside from the 'trying to murder them' part, Undyne was pretty fun. She was loud and brash and take charge, but she shared the same passionate enthusiasm for life that Papyrus did; she was also the most determined person that Frisk had ever met. But even she had to wear thin one day. They'd noticed, as time went on, that her attempts to capture/kill them had become less and less.. well put together. Instead of ambushing them when nobody was home, she leapt out from behind the TV. Instead of capturing them in the middle of the night, she hung onto the ceiling fan and dropped down when they looked up. If Frisk didn't know any better, they'd say she was... doing it for fun. So one day, they decided to test that theory. 

"Prepare for your inevitable demise, Human! NGAHHH!" Undyne shouted as she awkwardly crawled out from underneath the coffee table. Frisk stared on, unimpressed, before adopting a look of fear. 

"Ahhh! The mighty Undyne is here to capture me; there is no hope of escape!" Frisk clutched their face in mock horror, screaming not very loudly. "I guess I have no choice but to go with you, you dastardly fiend! Go ahead, take me to the king of all monsters!" They fell dramatically to their knees, holding out their wrists as if waiting to be slapped in irons. 

"That's right! There is no escaping your fate! You-... wait what." Undyne stared at them in growing confusion. "Hey, what are you doing? Aren't you going to... run away, or get Papyrus?" 

"Alas, my fate is sealed! I have absolutely no chance of evading capture." Frisk performed a quivering 'woe is me' gesture. 

"...Stop that, right now!" Undyne poked them hard in the forehead with the butt of her spear, looking frustrated. "Run away, you little dork!" 

"But what's the point? You'll just come for me again and again, and capture me in the end. So, instead of that, I'm giving myself up. Besides, isn't this what you wanted?" Frisk raised their eyebrows, smirk forming. 

Sweat beaded on Undyne's brow. "O-of course it is! It's my sworn duty to deliver the soul of the last human to King Asgore!"

"Sooooo... why aren't you doing it?" 

"Because... because...! UGH FINE, BECAUSE YOU'RE MY FRIEND! ARE YOU HAPPY, NOW?!" Undyne flung her spear into the wall out of frustration, stamping around in a circle like an angry bull. "This last week has been pretty fun or whatever, and you're kinda cool for being such a giant dorklord. You're really nice and you care about your friends' feelings and you never even try to fight back, you big wimp! How am I supposed to kill some loser that doesn't even fight back?!" 

Frisk rose up from their knees and smiled, wide and toothy. 

"...What are you doing. Stop looking at me like that!" Undyne glanced away before the human could see the flustered look growing on her face. She peeked back, only to see the human with that same dumb smile. "What?!" 

"You liiiiiiiike meeeeeeee," Frisk sing songed, going in for the hug. They only made it up to chest height, but that was peanuts in the face of their satisfaction. They'd made a new friend! 

"Ew, gross, get off you little nerd! I don't want you touching me with those grubby little hands, I take back what I said we're barely even acquaintances, get off!" Making no move to remove the human from her person, Undyne made a noise of frustration. "Ugh, whatever." She roughly patted the human on the head, just about snapping their neck from the force. 

"HEY, WHAT'S GOIN' DOWN, MY G'S? HOW DO YOU LIKE MY COOL NEW LINGO THAT I LEARNED ON THE INTERNET? ALL THE COOL KIDS ARE USING IT!" Papyrus slid down the banister and crashed into the wall, quickly reassembling his pile of detached bones as he stood up. "I'M OKAY!" He was currently wearing a tank top that read 'One of the Cool Kids (No, really)' as well as oversized basketball shorts and knock off name brand sneakers. "SO, WHAT'S THE HAPS?" Finally peering out of his little bubble of self absorption, Papyrus goggled at the human and Undyne, locked in an awkward, one sided embrace. "OH MY GOD, I CAN'T BELIEVE IT! MY TWO BEST FRIENDS ARE DATING! I HAVE TO FIND A CAMERA!" He helicoptered back upstairs, deaf to the protests of both Undyne and Frisk. 

Eventually they were all stood in a circle in the living room, Papyrus mournfully clutching the shattered remains of all eighty three of his newly broken cameras. "SO WHAT YOU'RE SAYING IS THAT YOU AREN'T DATING, AND THAT WAS MERELY A HUG OF FRIENDSHIP?" 

"YES! That's what I've been saying for like, the past three hours while I was breaking all of your cameras!" Undyne threw her hands up in the air, sharing a look of disbelief with Frisk. Then she realized what she was doing and scowled at them instead. 

"OH WELL, PERHAPS MY LIFE IS NOT MEANT TO BE ONE WHEREIN I EXPERIENCE ROMANCE VICARIOUSLY THROUGH MY BELOVED FRIENDS AND BROTHER." 

"what's this about me and romance?" Sans' skull peeked out of his room, finally intrigued by all the noise happening now that he had been mentioned. 

"OH, I JUST THOUGHT YOU AND UNDYNE MIGHT BE DATING IN SECRET." Papyrus grinned obliviously, ignorant to Undyne's screams of outrage and Sans' choked laughter. 

"bro, that's like saying you thought me and lesser dog were dating; it's a bit... far-fetched." There was a rimshot from somewhere, but Frisk and Sans were the only ones laughing. 

"I DON'T GET IT. I THINK YOU AND LESSER DOG WOULD MAKE A REALLY CUTE COUPLE!" 

"Uhm, hello? Lesser Dog doesn't even talk, Papyrus! Besides, I doubt he'd be able to put up with your brother's obnoxious punning." 

"A SOLID POINT. MY WILL OF STEEL AND ANTI-ALLERGEN MEDICATION ARE THE ONLY THINGS KEEPING ME FROM COLLAPSING UNDER THE FORCE OF HIS TERRIBLE JOKES." 

"hey, i know my jokes aren't always heavy hitters, and sometimes they're a swing and a miss, but the punchline always hits home." Cue chorus of groans. 

"SANS WE WEREN'T EVEN TALKING ABOUT BASEBALL!" 

Sans shrugged, unconcerned. "say, how about we all go to grillby's? celebrate Undyne and the human's reconciliation." 

"Wow Sans, that's a pretty big word for you! I'm impressed." Undyne grinned, sharklike. She and the shorter skeleton made eye contact, both grinning ferociously at the other. 

"SANS, I ABSOLUTELY REFUSE TO EAT ANYTHING FROM THAT DISGUSTING GREASE PIT! I'LL COOK US ALL A DELICIOUS SPAGHETTI MEAL-"

"NO!" All three stared in shock at Frisk's outburst. "I-I mean, uh... your spaghetti is just so good.. if I don't eat other foods every once in a while, how will I taste the difference in quality?" Undyne looked vaguely impressed, and Papyrus seemed on the verge of tears. 

"OH, HUMAN! I HAD NO IDEA YOU LOVED MY COOKING SO MUCH! YOU ALSO MAKE AN EXCELLENT POINT. WE SHALL EAT OUT AT THE FINEST RESTAURANT IN THE UNDERGROUND!" He planted one hand on his hip, and raised a dramatic finger to the sky. There was a long pause. "..DOES ANYONE KNOW OF ANY RESTAURANTS OTHER THAN GRILLBY'S?" 

"mettaton's new place just opened up in his hotel." 

"Don't you need a reservation to get in? And one to sit down? And to eat the food?" Undyne crossed her arms. Frisk looked mildly curious, having not heard the name Mettaton until now. 

"yeah, you need a lot of reservations to eat there. luckily, i know a shortcut." Sans led them all through the hole next to the door, and the screen did a starburst transition. Suddenly, they were all sat around a table with candles and a white table cloth in Mettaton's fancy hotel restaurant that I don't know the name of! Does it even have a name? 

All three of Sans' tag-alongs goggled at him and their surroundings. "HOW DID YOU-"

"Where did we-?!" 

Frisk lost interest, and started making their napkin into a hat. 

"what? i told you i knew a shortcut. easy peasy stuff." Sans glanced around for a waiter, seeing nobody but some weird guy over in the corner, and a buff dude over at his own table. "hey," he called out to the guy in the corner in the only tone of voice he ever spoke in, "any idea how we get service here?" 

"Service? What? You have to reserve the food here, man. I walked in without any reservations, and now I'm too scared of leaving and looking dumb! So now I'm just kinda, feeding off this ficus." He nibbled on a leaf for emphasis. "Besides man, there are no waiters! It's a status thing, you know? You sit in here with a plate of fake food and look important!" 

Our four intrepid heroes made eye contact with one another, heads wobbling back and forth. 

"so uh... anyone wanna eat at grillby's instead?" 

"NOT REALLY, BUT IT HAS TO BE BETTER THAN THIS."

"Sure, why not. As long as they actually serve food." 

Frisk gave a double thumbs up so powerful that it knocked the candelabra off the table, setting the whole hotel on fire. Everyone made it out alright, though. Except ficus guy. RIP in peace, ur with the angles now.


	12. Ice to meet you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dino.

A fine Saturday morning found Frisk, Sans, and Papyrus all sat on their newly repaired couch, ignoring the slowly melting pile of snow that had collected in the middle of the living room in favor of watching Mettaton's show. He was currently talking somberly about the state of his hotel, which had burned down due to unknown causes, as a pair of alligators danced on rainbow colored beach balls in the background. 

"OH, I LOVE THIS EPISODE," Papyrus squee'd, shoveling popcorn into his mouth. It dropped through the bottom of his jaw and back into the bowl. Frisk watched on in mild disgust, unsure if it was worth grabbing for non saliva coated popcorn or not. 

"bro, you say that about every episode." Sans chewed absently on a slice of pizza, which disappeared into places unknown when he swallowed. 

"WELL MAYBE I JUST LOVE EVERY EPISODE, OKAY?" Papyrus crossed his arms defensively. 

Sans smirked, which looked just like his regular grin. "maybe you just have a humungo crush on Mettaton." 

"P-PREPOSTEROUS! JUST BECAUSE HE IS EXTREMELY HANDSOME AND ANGULAR, WITH SHARP CORNERS AND TANTALIZINGLY BLINKY BUTTONS..." Papyrus trailed off... "A-ANYWAY! I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, AM IMMUNE TO CRUSHES!" 

"that's why your jaw dropped off the first time you saw undyne. we were looking for that thing for like, two hours."

"WHAT I FEEL TOWARDS UNDYNE IS ADMIRATION AND NOTHING MORE!" Papyrus shrieked, which sounded just like his regular speaking voice. 

"and what about that thing with doggo? you two danced around each other for a month. your legs must have been really tired." Sans winked at the television, and Mettaton winked back. But because he didn't have any eyes, nobody noticed. 

"SANS, STOP BRINGING UP MY LOVE LIFE IN FRONT OF THE HUMAN!" Papyrus waved away his blush, sending it splattering against the far wall. "I DON'T HAVE TO TAKE THIS, YOU KNOW!" Papyrus flipped the popcorn bowl up into the air, and it landed directly on Frisk's head. The skeleton stomped up the stairs, slamming his door behind him. 

"don't worry, he's just in a mood. a few hours of blogging will have him feeling better in nets to no time." Frisk giggled hesitantly, staring up at Papyrus' door. "seriously kid, he'll be fine. besides, this gives us a nice chance to chat." 

Frisk turned an inquisitive look on the comic. "c'mon, lay it on me. how do you like living here?" 

They shrugged mildly. "It's better than anywhere else I've stayed. A lot more explosive, too." 

"yeah, that'll happen with undyne around." Sans' smile turned sour for a moment. Frisk patted him on the kneecap, but he shrugged them off. "it's not a big deal; she makes papyrus happy, so i'm willing to put up with her." 

"You put up with a lot for your brother." Sans glanced sideways at the human. 

"you're one to talk. i've never seen anyone eat so much of his spaghetti without complaining. i usually just feed my share to my pet rock." Frisk glanced over, noticing for the first time the giant pile of old spaghetti that sat on Sans' pet rock. "i'll clean that up eventually." Frisk shot him a dubious stare, and he grinned unnervingly back at them. "anyway, it's good to have you around. keeps things fresh, you know?" Frisk blushed sincerely; that was probably the nicest thing Sans had actually said to them. They leaned in to wrap the skeleton in a snug hug, earning an uncomfortable chuckle. "hey kid, don't get all mushy on me." They ignored him, determined to express how grateful they were to Sans for putting up with them through this hug. 

And then Undyne busted through the front door. "C'MON NERDS, WE'RE GOING ICE SKATING!" Sans and Frisk flew apart, nearly tipping the couch over from the force of their separation. "Ohoh, and what's this? Sans getting cozy with the human? I never thought I'd see the day!" Sans sent her a blue tinted glare, grin stretching hostilely. "Don't give me that look; I couldn't care less about whatever you two dorks get up to. Anyway, where's Papyrus? He's usually jumping all over me when I get here." 

Papyrus leapt down from the hole in the ceiling, cackling loudly as Undyne shrieked in surprise. She caught him easily as he fell upon her, and he wiggled happily in her grasp. "ICE SKATING, YOU SAY? SOUNDS LIKE FUN! LUCKY FOR YOU, I ALWAYS WEAR MY SKATES UNDER MY REGULAR BOOTS!" A pair of blades punched through the bottom of Papyrus' shoes. 

"Guess I should have only rented four pairs, huh?" Papyrus stared at her blankly, attempting to do math in his head. "I invited Alphys to come along with us, hope you don't mind. And if you do, THEN THAT'S TOO BAD." She held up a pair of differently sized ice skates as Papyrus crawled around to sit on her shoulders. "Here you go, scrubs. I had Papyrus measure your feet in your sleep for me." She chucked them at the human and Sans, the skeleton catching them easily as Frisk was beaned in the head. 

Five minutes later they were out the door, Frisk's head wrapped in thick bandages. Undyne led them out of town, cutting through the woods towards a large, solidly frozen lake. Several faceless Snowdin denizens were out enjoying themselves, stumbling around blindly and tripping over one another. Mildly horrified by the blank faced villagers, the group strayed to the far side of the lake, where a cute lil' dinosaur in a coat and booties was waiting for them! How adorable. Undyne carelessly threw Papyrus off her shoulders, sending him screaming into a snowbank. Oh well, he needed to make a deposit anyway. Undyne charged towards the increasingly nervous Alphys, snatching her up in one arm and giving her a rough noogie with the other. So rough in fact that Undyne's fist punched right through the scientist's skull and out the other side. 

Several minutes later found the group standing around at the lakeside, Frisk's head bandages transferred to Alphys. She smiled nervously at Frisk and the skeleton brothers, half hiding behind Undyne's leg. Frisk barely resisted d'awwing at the sight. "H-h-hi, Papyrus, Sans, u-uhm..." Alphys began hyperventilating as she realized that she didn't know the human's name, wheezing and clutching at her throat. 

"Frisk my name is Frisk it's nice to meet you!" Said human blurted out rapidly, trying to prevent another near death experience. 

"O-oh! It's uh, n-n-nice to meet you too, Frisk." Alphys flashed a cute, awkward smile that showed off her dagger like teeth. "S-so you're the human that Undyne has been t-talking about, huh? I k-know all about you, b-being that I've been watching you through dozens of hidden cameras at all times f-from all possible angles." There was a brief silence. "I-I mean, uh. That's the opposite of w-what i've been doing. Heh. Heh heh." The entire group laughed jovially, Undyne slapping the scientist so hard on the back that she went flying into the same snowbank that Papyrus had been launched into. 

"Alright nerds, enough introductions! Get your skates on so we can shred some ice!" Undyne buckled on her skates while standing up, because she's just that cool. Sans alternating between watching Frisk attempt to put on skates and staring daggers at the ones that had been provided for him. 

"COME, BROTHER! YOU MUST JOIN US IN THE MERRY MAKING! I PROMISE YOU'LL HAVE AN ICE TIME! NYEH HEH HEH HEH!" Papyrus slid Sans' skates on over his slippers, the fabric bunching awkwardly. "PERFECT. NOW, OFF YOU GO!" He lifted his brother and placed him on the ice. 

"u-uh.. i don't snow about this, papyrus." Sans stood stock still, sweat beading down the side of his skull as he made micro adjustments to avoid falling over. 

"NONSENSE; YOU'LL HAVE MORE FUN THAN YOU'LL KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH! HERE, LET ME HELP!" Papyrus stepped forward and gave his brother a light push, sending him moving ever so slowly across the ice. 

"aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh....!" Sans screamed slowly as he was propelled at ludicrously low speeds across the lake, frozen stiff as he tried not to fall. 

"SEE? YOU'RE GETTING THE HANG OF IT!" Papyrus slid smoothly past his brother, doing a quick pirouette. He bowed modestly as the audience broke out into cheers. 

Meanwhile, Frisk had given up on attempting to put on their skates, instead watching Undyne attempt to tenderly help Alphys get her own ice skates on. Unfortunately, it involved a lot more yelling and tears than she probably intended. Eventually the Royal Scientist and the Head of the Royal Guard managed to get on the ice. Alphys wobbled around uncomfortably as Undyne sped past her at the speed of sound, leaving a trail of fire behind her. She blitzed right through one of the faceless NPCs, reducing them to paste on impact. But it's okay, because they're not real people anyway. 

Frisk had started stockpiling snowballs, tossing them at the faceless denizens and giggling when they fell over, glancing around rapidly with their horrifyingly blank visages. One of them sneezed, and their head exploded. Frisk decided that now was a good time to pay attention to other things, like throwing snowballs at the still screaming Sans. One nailed him right in the back of the skull, sending him tipping onto his face. He scrabbled for purchase as he slid towards the edge of the lake, eventually gently colliding with a snow poff that exploded violently on impact. He appeared to be sleeping as he was flung through the air, only to land atop another snow poff. The process repeated. 

"H-hey, uh.. F-Frisk? I could help you w-with your skates. I-if you wanted, I mean." Frisk glanced up, seeing that Alphys had since stepped off the ice and taken off her own skates and was now fidgeting nervously in front of them. She attempted a grin, but it came off as more of a terrified grimace. 

Feeling a pulse of sympathy for the poor dinosaur lady, Frisk patted the snow next to them. She stared, confused, before realization struck. "O-oh! You want me to, uh, sit with you? But d-don't you want to skate with everyone else?" The human shrugged mildly. "Oh. So you'd rather just sit here... w-with me?" A tint of red rose to Alphys' face, even though that doesn't make any sense. Frisk nodded firmly at her, a charismatic grin in place. Her blush grew exponentially, eventually expanding until it was too large for her face. Frisk watched on in horror as Alphys' head inflated with blood, the scientist screaming and clawing at the ground before her head exploded in a big, gloopy mess. 

All in all, Frisk thought that the day went pretty well.


	13. Feelins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *dabs eyes with handkerchief*

Frisk sat at the newly purchased kitchen table with both of their housemates, morosely pushing around limp spaghetti noodles in their spaghetti pancake soup. It was more of a watery sludge than actual soup, and at least thirty percent of it was composed of overcooked spaghetti noodles.Normally they'd choke it down with a pained grin and then heave it up in the toilet later, but today they weren't really feeling up to it. Sans and Papyrus watched on in concern(at least they thought it was concern. hard to tell, considering the lack of facial expressions) as Sans poured his breakfast out to feed his pet rock, which was under the table. The sound of liquid and sludge hitting the kitchen tile was extremely loud in the otherwise silent room.

"HUMAN, ARE YOU FEELING ALRIGHT? YOU'VE HARDLY EVEN TOUCHED THE BREAKFAST YOU LOVE SO MUCH!" Papyrus' own skull was covered in wet pancake gloop, bits of noodle stuck between his horrifyingly large teeth. "IS IT TOO HOT TO EAT? WE COULD PUT IT IN THE SNOW PILE FOR A WHILE. HEY, I RHYMED! SANS, YOU SEE, THIS IS WHY I WAS TELLING YOU WE SHOULD START A BAND. WITH MY INCREDIBLE VOCAL TALENTS AND LIMITLESS CREATIVITY, AND YOUR... TROMBONE, WE COULD BE THE BIGGEST STARS IN THE UNDERGROUND!" 

"bro, the only song you've ever sung is happy birthday, and i made you promise to never do it again." 

"AH, BUT YOU DIDN'T MAKE ME PROMISE TO NOT SING SONGS OF MY OWN CREATION!" Papyrus 'NYEH'd triumphantly, clearing his.. whatever before taking a deep breath. Somehow. "OOOOOOOOOOHHHHHH, WELL I'M JUST A SIMPLE SKELETON, WORKING HARD EVERY DAY, WORKING HARD EVERY DAY FOR A SURPRISINGLY GENEROUS AMOUNT OF PAY. I PAY FOR THE KITCHEN, I PAY FOR THE SINK; HAVING OUR HOUSE DESTROYED ALL THE TIME REALLY DOES STIIIIIIIIINK!" Papyrus bowed from where he'd jumped up on top of the table, cackling modestly. Sans' grin looked more like a grimace of pain. Frisk was on the floor, unmoving. "OH, WHATEVER. I'M JUST NOT APPRECIATED IN MY TIME." Papyrus did a high kick and a twirl as he dismounted the table, sending a bowl of his horrible breakfast concoction flying into the wall. It made a high pitched sizzling noise as it ate through the wallpaper. The skeleton performed a flying leap out of the room, presumably going to complain online about his unrecognized talent. 

Frisk and Sans sat alone in the kitchen, Frisk scooting across the tile to avoid the slowly spreading puddle of spaghetti pancake soup. 

"so, kid, now that my brother's taken his show on the road, wanna talk about what's eating you?" 

"...Just thinking." Frisk pulled themself back up into their chair, legs kicking idly. 

"yeah? what about?" Sans looked as worried as he could; the kid didn't even acknowledge his puns. Not a single giggle. 

"...Something Undyne said. About my soul being needed to free all monsters from the Underground." 

A nervous bead of sweat slowly trailed down the side of Sans' skull. Another sweat drop joined it, and assured it that everything would be okay. "listen, kiddo.. us monsters have been down here for a while, and.. for some people, it gets grating. bein' stuck down here. as for me, i kinda like it. it's like we're all a big family, you know? a big family locked away in a cellar, but still. doesn't mean i don't still wanna see the surface, but... i could live with us never gettin' outta here."

"What about Papyrus? He said he wanted to run people over in his car." Frisk peered innocently at the skeleton. 

"u-uh... i'm sure you just misheard him. papyrus wouldn't hurt anyone." Sans glanced over at the slowly forming hole in the wall. "okay, not on purpose at least." 

That finally got a giggle out of the melancholy human. "But... wouldn't you guys be happier up there? Wouldn't it be better if I just... went to king Asgore and gave him my soul so that-" 

"F r i s k." The human's head snapped up, fear washing over their face. Sans felt an immediate sting of regret. "kid, i made a promise to keep you safe, and that's what i'm gonna do. us monsters... we'll be fine. some other human will fall down here eventually, and we'll gut that chump before they know what hit 'em." 

Frisk hardly looked reassured. "But I don't want anyone to get hurt, or killed. That's why if I just give up my soul-" 

"frisk, that would result in you getting hurt, and killed. and that ain't acceptable. sorry, no can do, do not pass go, do not collect two hundred dollars." 

Frisk was silent. They slowly rose from their chair as Sans watched apprehensively. A quick detour around the bubbling pancake slop found them stood beside Sans, eyes hidden by their fringe. "listen, kid, if I upset you or anythi-" he was cut off as a pair of warm arms wrapped around his ribs, and a slightly damp face was pressed against the sleeve of his jacket. Sans sighed out an impossible breath, hesitantly patting the human's back. "we'll figure something out, kiddo." He winced, hating himself for what he was about to say. "i promise." 

As had come to be expected at this point, the tender moment was ruined as Undyne crashed through one of the few unbroken parts of the ceiling. "NGAHH!" She cracked the kitchen table in half as she landed, the shockwave sending Sans and Frisk tumbling backwards. "Sorry to interrupt the makeouts, but Alphys is appearing as a guest on Mettaton's show, and we're gonna watch it!" She performed a light sweeping kick, sending the chair containing both human and skeleton spinning into the living room, where it collided with the snow pile. From upstairs, a shriek of delight could be heard. Papyrus burst through the door to his room so hard that it rebounded off the wall and hit him in the face. 

Before long they were all sat on the slightly cramped couch, Papyrus' face barely held together by a few pieces of tape. Papyrus and Undyne both clapped as Mettaton's rectangular face appeared on the screen, accompanied by the theme song that he had written, composed, and performed himself. "Hello there, all you lovely viewers at home! And how can I forget the darlings in the studio audience? Give yourselves a round of applause, everyone!" A big, blinking sign reading 'CONGRATULATE YOURSELVES' flashed above the audience as they all clapped and cheered. "Alright, enough of that." The studio went dead silent. "Today, we have something very special for all of you, the lovely viewers of MTTTV. A special guest appearance by the one, the only.... DOCTOOOOOR ALPHYYYYYYS!" Lights flashed and smoke machines billowed fog as a diminutive, hunched over form emerged from backstage. It paused to cough loudly and take a drag of their inhaler before sitting down in the glaring light. Alphys' smile spoke of stark terror as she waved shakily at the crowd and cameras. She continued waving for several minutes before Mettaton wheeled over to gently put her hand down. "Haha, isn't she great, folks? Let's give Dr. Alphys a hand, huh?" Cue applause. "Alright! Well, Dr. Alphys, would you mind telling all of our lovely viewers about what sort of breakthroughs you've made in that lab of yours?" He held out his microphone towards her, leaning in uncomfortably close. 

Alphys gulped nervously, painfully unsure if she was supposed to take the microphone from Mettaton or not. "A-ah, well... not too long ago we were experimenting with Determination, and trying to see if we could.. transfer it into the soul of a monster. We ended up creating several horrible abominations that still roam my labs to this day, but the experiment was still a success! We created a monster that has no soul, and thus no capacity for feelings like empathy and love. The only thing it understands is bloodshed. Also, we believe it might be containing the last traces of the essence of Prince Asriel." There was a blanket of absolute silence. "I-I mean, we're developing soup cans that cook the soup inside when you shake them!" There was a roar of cheers and applause that followed. 

"Well, doesn't that sound just delightful? Your work will change many lives, Dr. Alphys. Now, is there anything else you'd like to share with us about your work?" 

Alphys was silent for a long moment. She looked side to side, and began to tremble. Then, with a miserable wail, she threw herself at the robotic TV host. "OH, METTATON, PLEASE COME HOME! I MISS YOU, VULKIN MISSES YOU," she pulled a tiny, cheerful looking volcano monster out of her back pocket, "EVEN TSUNDERPLANE MISSES YOU!"

The audience turned to peer at the scaled down plane that sat among them. It blushed, glancing off in the other direction. "I-it's not like I want you back, o-or anything!" 

Mettaton stared down in something like wonder at his bawling creator. "Darling... why haven't you said that you missed me? You know I'm always happy to visit you! I know sometimes I get caught up in my career, but... I won't let it come between us ever again!" He embraced the crying dinosaur, and the audience 'aww'd. 

Vulkin hopped around the embracing pair. "Makes Dr. Alphys feel better! KRAKATOA!" A massive plume of lava erupted out of the top of the volcano's head, spraying all over the studio, which soon caught fire. The audience screamed in terror as they fled out the fire exit, which was also on fire. Luckily, everyone made it out okay. 

 

Papyrus, Frisk, Sans, and Undyne all stared at the screen in silence. "WOWIE, WHAT A GREAT EPISODE!"


	14. War, what is it good for?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You tell me.

"General Papyrus, I need an airstrike on my position in thirty seconds!" Undyne shouted into her walkie talkie. She ducked for cover as a hail of enemy fire flew overhead, poking the barrel of her alien gloopificator over the top of the trench to retaliate. 

"ROGER THAT, SERGEANT UNDYNE! THE AIR SHALL STRIKE WITH THE FORCE OF A THOUSAND STRONG BREEZES, SCATTERING OUR ENEMY'S FORCES LIKE LEAVES, OR PAPER, OR OTHER THINGS THAT ARE EASILY BLOWN AROUND!" Papyrus cackled around his unlit cigar, adjusting his general's cap as he relayed coordinates to his dinosaur underlings. Before long a tsundere jet plane came screaming over the battlefield, dropping its deadly load of overcooked spaghetti atop a slew of enemy forces. The penguins and space aliens and motorcyclists screamed in pain as they were overtaken by the giant, steaming noodles and thick pasta sauce. "NYEH HEH! A DECISIVE BLOW HAS BEEN STRUCK! WHAT HAVE YOU NOW, COMMODORE FRISK?!" 

From the other end of the battlefield, a diminutive figure with sloppily done pigtails was peering at a map of the area, sticking little pins in high value targets. They turned towards a nearby werewolf, drawing a thumb across their throat with a grim smile. The werewolf howled, and a smiling helicopter took off from the heart of the base. The forces of the Great General Papyrus fired upon the incoming chopper, but it weaved and dodged expertly. A cardboard missile was fired from a hidden launchpad, impacting the helicopter and blowing it to smithereens. However, it had been given enough time to drop off its package. 

Undyne peered through her binoculars at the dark shape that had fallen from the remains of the helicopter, gasping in horror when she saw what it was. "Papyrus, we have a problem! They've unleashed Project C-W!" 

Papyrus screeched in shock, head whirling around wildly. "ALL UNITS, DIVERT FIRE TO PROJECT C-W! DON'T LET IT REACH THE REACTOR!" 

Deployed upon the battlefield was the most dastardly, immoral creation that science had ever spawned. A combination of the most accomplished civil service workers to ever exist: Larry the construction worker, Jonathan Larry the mailman, Bob Larry Jonathan the fireman, and Jerry "Larry" Jonathan Bob the 911 operator. Together, they formed Project C-W, also known as... THE CIVIL WARFORCE. Carrying a fire axe in one hand and a sledgehammer in the other, he tore right through the Great General Papyrus' infantry forces. Bullets, lasers, and lightning bolts all bounced right off of Bob Larry Jerry Jonathan's manly chest, doing nothing to impede his death march, straight towards the Reactor. But unknown to commodore Frisk, Papyrus too had a secret weapon up his sleeve...

Klaxons blared and emergency lights flashed, booted feet, tentacles, and wheels pounding through the corridors of Papyrus' command center as they all made way for Experiment 52. Deep, pounding footsteps were accompanied by the screech and whine of metal as Experiment 52 tore right through the walls of the base, filled with a lust for Project C-W's blood. Scaly muscles rippled and ivory fangs flashed as it stepped out into open air, the sun shining in its slitted eyes. From across the battlefield, the two marvels of wartime progress locked gazes. Every soldier, giant insect, and yeti was completely silent. The two marched towards each other, meeting up in the dead center of the war torn battlefield. From underneath a pair of rectangular spectacles, reptilian eyes narrowed in hatred. The Crocobrarian had been unleashed. Part crocodile and part librarian, it combined the traits of the deadliest reptile that still walked the earth with the stuffy, peevish nature of the most irritating librarian to ever walk the earth. Together, they somehow formed a giant bipedal crocodilian with big muscles and comically small glasses. 

"Your end has come," the Crocobrarian hissed menacingly, cracking its knuckles and flexing its razor sharp claws. 

The Civil Warforce chuckled, rolling his neck and flexing his biceps impressively. "Funny; that was my line." And then they were off, hands calloused by manual labor locking with those covered in scales and vanilla scented lotion. The two pushed against each other, mighty muscles flexing and bulging as they exerted their incredible strength. Every living soul in the vicinity watched on with bated breath, wondering who of the two titans would come out on top. 

C-W faltered slowly but surely under the gargantuan force of Experiment 52, eventually having no choice but to fall slack and let the reptile barrel into him, knocking them both down in the mud. His handsome, chiseled face grimaced as he stared daggers up at the striking, startlingly attractive crocodile that pinned him to the ground. They stared into each other's eyes, something softening in their gazes as they leaned closer and closer, lips inches from touching-

"FRISK! What the hell are you doing?! They're supposed to fight, not kiss!" Undyne complained loudly, trying to wrench the figures that Frisk was making kiss from their hands. 

"But C-W's heart is pure and tender, but also locked behind a wall of ice that can be only melted by someone that can prove his equal in every way!" Frisk argued back, trying to keep the figures out of Undyne's grasp. 

"Papyrus, back me up on this one!" 

The skeleton fidgeted uncomfortably. "I.. THINK A DASH OF ROMANCE WOULD BE A STARK CONTRAST TO THE TRAGEDY OF WAR." 

"UGH! You two are such huge dorks, I swear. Every time we try to fight, this happens! Next time, you can both be on a team and make all the smoochy faces you want!" 

Frisk and Papyrus looked at each other, both shrugging simultaneously. 

"Sure, why not."

"WORKS FOR ME." 

Undyne threw up her hands, totally done with the dorks she called her friends. She turned towards the door, only to see Sans leaning casually against the door frame. 

"hey guys. what's up?" 

"N-nothing!" Undyne stuttered, mortified to be caught playing 'dolls'. 

"WE'RE PLAYING WITH ACTION FIGURES!" Papyrus yelled excitedly. "COME JOIN US, BROTHER!" 

Frisk nodded enthusiastically, making little finger pistols and pretending to shoot at Sans. 

"well, i'm not usually into the whole action figure thing, but i can give it a shot." 

As The Crocobrarian and The Civil Warforce passionately, tenderly made out, (NO WAY! They were TOTALLY slugging it out!) a dark shadow fell over the battlefield. Every head turned skyward as the clouds parted, giving birth to the absolutely, mind bogglingly titanic form of a skeleton. It quickly fell upon them, the earth rumbling as bony toes dug into the mud. It stood over twenty stories tall, breathing swathes of fire down at the hapless bumblebees and octopi and vampires. It stomped around powerfully, utterly destroying anything that got caught underfoot-

"SAAAANS! GET OFF THE TABLE, YOU'RE RUINING EVERYTHING!" 

"sorry bro, i was just trying to find my footing." 

Sans wasn't allowed to play action figures anymore.


	15. Fabtabulous

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nu disco is still cool, right?

Mettaton and Alphys stood side by side, watching numbly as the robot's studio burnt to the ground. In the span of a few days, Mettaton had lost it all. His hotel, his show, his career; everything up in smoke. Or flames, as it were. The smell of smoke and ash hung heavy in the air.

"...Well, darling. Look's like I'll be coming back home!" The robot chirped brightly, much to the confusion of his inventor. 

"A-aren't you upset? Your studio just b-burned down!" Alphys skirted around mentioning her own involvement. 

"Well, of course I am, but it's all in the past now! This gives me the perfect chance to reinvent myself. I can come back bigger, better, more fabulous!" A small vent in Mettaton's side released a cloud of anime sparkles. "From the ashes of tragedy I will be reborn as a phoenix! Or possibly as an uncomfortably sexy automaton. That's where you come in, dear Alphys. With your help, my true form will finally reach its full potential!" Mettaton wound an arm around the diminutive doctor, lifting her off her feet. "Together, we will rule the entertainment industry... FOREVER!" 

"U-uhm... didn't you already r-rule the entertainment industry? Your show is the only one that's ever b-been on television."

"Details, darling, details! What matters now is the big picture! Mettaton EX, Mettaton NEO... they are things of the past! The future, however? The future holds for us... Mettaton MAX!" Multicolored lights flashed, smoke machines billowed, and confetti cannons fired. Alphys cowered against Mettaton's side as she tried to figure out where all of these effects were coming from. "I can see it all now: Glitz, glamour, glory! I will shine among the brightest stars and remind the monsters of the Underground what the radiant brilliance of the sun looks like!" Mettaton pulled out a handkerchief, wiping away nonexistent tears. 

Alphys stared up at him, stunned into disbelief. "W-wow, Mettaton. You really d-do care about your viewers, huh?" She paused for a moment, before a look of determination came over her face. "W-well then, I'm going to h-help you bring light to the Underground!" 

"Oh, thank you, darling!" Mettaton spun the scientist through the air, accidentally letting go and flinging her into the distance. "Oops. Well, I'm sure she'll be fine." There was a distant scream. "Juuuust fine." 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Frisk, Sans, and Papyrus were all sat around the TV, watching the incredibly invigorating 'Color Bars' station. "I DON'T GET THIS SHOW. THE WRITING IS SO REPETITIVE, AND ALL THE CHARACTERS ACT THE SAME!" 

"you do realize that this isn't a real show, right?" Sans and Frisk shared a look of mild concern. 

"PREPOSTEROUS! WHY WOULD THEY HAVE IT ON TELEVISION IF IT WASN'T A REAL SHOW! CHECK AND MATE!" 

"Have you ever even played chess?" 

"PLAYED WHAT NOW?" 

And then the front door exploded! How surprising. As if from nowhere, loud Nu Disco started playing, funky and energetic. "Well, hellooo there darlings! As friends of the incredible Doctor Alphys, you have the exclusive privilege of seeing the latest and greatest edition of yours truly before my big return!" Three heads turned slowly, the smoke from the door settling. Long, long legs clad in shiny black high heeled boots emerged, said legs leading up to a svelte torso in shades of sterling silver, matte black, and glossy magenta. A stylistic pink heart beat rhythmically inside the sculpted chest. A pair of thumping speakers were set into the shoulders, protected by smooth, rounded shoulder pads. Slender, elegant arms were poised in a dramatic pose. Finally, the star of the show. A startlingly human looking porcelain face, composed of feminine beauty and masculine roguishness. Darkly lined magenta eyes flashed playfully, half covered by thick, feathery black hair. Mettaton MAX had arrived. 

Papyrus screamed like a little girl and fainted, head cracking loudly against the carpeted floor for some reason. Everyone stared, including Mettaton. 

"Oh my, will he be alright?" 

"yeah, this happened sometimes. so, is this the reason your show went off the air? besides the fire, i mean." 

"The fire was merely a stepping stone, darling. The rising heat brought me ever closer to being a shining star, blinding the world with my brilliant light!" Mettaton posed dramatically. 

Frisk shook themself out of their stupor, wiping a bit of drool off their chin. "You're uhm.. the same robot from the TV, right? Why do you look so.. different?" 

"Oh, well aren't you just the most darling little thing I've ever seen," Mettaton cooed, before getting a closer look at Frisk. He froze in place, heart skipping a beat. Literally. "A-a-a.." His voice rose and fell in octaves, fuzzy and glitchy. "A-a HU-hum-hu-HUMA-MAN-human?" There was a brief moment of silence as Frisk nodded and Mettaton processed this new information. Then he screeched like a little girl. "OH MY GOODNESS, A REAL LIVE HUMAN! OH DARLING, YOU HAVE TO TELL ME EVERYTHING! THE FINEST EATERIES, THE BIGGEST STARS, THE HOTTEST SHOWS; I HAVE TO KNOW ABOUT THEM ALL!" 

Frisk slowly backed away from the approaching automaton, smiling nervously. "I-I uh.. don't really know much about all of that." 

"Oh. Well, that is quite alright, for I only have one true question for you!" Mettaton threw his head back, plastering the back of his hand to his forehead. Sans wolf whistled. Then the television host leaned in close, nose just about touching Frisk's. The human blushed ferociously. "...Do you think they'd like me, darling?" 

"..H-huh?" 

"The humans, would they like me? Would I receive from them the glitz, glamour and glory that I so richly deserve?!" Mettaton appeared to be desperately waiting for an answer, eyes shining with tears or possibly wiper fluid. 

"I-I, uh... sure?" Frisk guessed. Considering their own reaction to the uncomfortably sexy robot, they doubted anyone on Earth would be able to resist his charms. 

Massive pink hearts bulged out of his eyeballs, smacking Frisk clear across the room. Mettaton caught them as they rebounded, cradling them against his bosom. "Oh, DARLING~! You have no idea how happy I am to hear that! It's true, all my dreams will soon become a reality! Once King Asgore gets the final human soul...! Oh. Oh my." Mettaton stared at Frisk, looking conflicted. "Well that's quite the issue, isn't it? You're the only human down here, and your soul would be just perfect for freeing us from the Underground. But I could never hurt a loyal fan; besides, all my 'human eradicator' bits have been stripped out... Oh well, I'm sure we'll figure out something! But for now, I must be off; can't miss my reopening show, now can I? Ta-ta~!" Mettaton leapt into the air, his legs sliding inward up to the knee to reveal jet thrusters. He flew off in a cloud of pink smoke, a shower of sparkles following behind him. 

Papyrus immediately resuscitated himself, running out into the cold after the disappearing robot. "METTATON, WAIT! I STILL NEED YOU TO SIGN ALL FORTY EIGHT COPIES OF YOUR HIT SINGLE, 'IT AIN'T EASY BEING METAL'!" Papyrus ran around in circles until he achieved enough lift to fly after his idol. 

Sans and Frisk shared a look. "...I'll go get a new door," the human sighed.


	16. I'm running out of ideas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Someone please help

The residents of skeleton HQ all sat in front of their TV, trying to peer around the massive pile of snow on the floor. Jeez, do these guys ever do anything other than watch TV? They were currently watching the twelfth encore of the big debut of Mettaton MAX, which seemed to be going over well. There were several fire fighters on hand in case of any 'accidents', and Vulkin was unfortunately banned from the studio. Mettaton was currently performing a dance of his own creation to music of his own creation, while dressed in what would have been an inappropriately skimpy outfit, also of his own creation. The music could barely be heard over the sounds of the audience squealing and cheering. At least half the audience had fainted two or more times at this point. 

"THIS SHOW JUST GETS BETTER AND BETTER EVERY TIME WE WATCH IT!" Papyrus had taken to pressing his face up against the screen, as if attempting to squeeze his way inside. 

Sans and Frisk mumbled their varying levels of agreement and disagreement. 

"he barely even has guests on anymore. the best thing about this show was how weird everyone acted around him." 

"He tried to have a guest on, remember?" Frisk glanced pointedly at Papyrus' turned back. 

"heheh, yeah. that was pretty great. papyrus was just a little... starstruck." The incident in question had involved Papyrus being knocked unconscious by a giant, glittery star that had fallen from the ceiling of the studio and landed on him. 

"I'm still finding glitter all over the floor." Frisk, finding that the skeleton brothers were incapable of picking up after themselves, had become the unofficial maid. They hoped to one day get a license and one of those cute aprons, but that could wait. "Can't we invest in a vacuum cleaner, or something? I'm tired of picking things out of the carpet fibers with my bare hands." 

Papyrus bent over backwards, pressing his face up against Frisk's. "UNACCEPTABLE! VACUUM CLEANERS ARE THE CREATION OF A DARK POWER, DESIGNED TO INFILTRATE HOMES AND TERRIFY ALL SKELETONS EVERYWHERE!" 

"he means that he's afraid of the vacuum cleaner because it almost ate his shoe one time." 

"UTTERLY SLANDEROUS! PAPYRUS THE GREAT FEARS NEITHER MONSTER NOR MACHINE!" 

"Oh, here it is. Why didn't I see this before?" Frisk wheeled a dated vacuum cleaner out of a small closet that may or may not have existed up until this point. Papyrus shrieked incessantly as the human plugged it into the wall, humming along to the soothing sound of Papyrus' screams and the vacuum cleaner's roaring. They vacuumed up a single speck of glitter that hid amidst the carpet fibers and then the vacuum cleaner went away. Everyone had a good laugh and sat back around the television, and then nothing interesting ever happened again ever for the rest of time. 

Except for Mettaton crashing through the ceiling alongside Undyne! Don't these two know how to use the front door? The Head of the Royal Guard and the Undeground's brightest star both stared at each other, one with a look of resignation and the other with one of elation. 

"Oh, my darling Undyne! It's been so long since we've seen each other!" Deciding that someone else's living room was the perfect place to have a heartfelt reunion, Mettaton leapt dramatically into her arms. 

"You came over a month ago to show me your new body. The aerodynamic design was a nice touch; made it easy to toss you out the window." Undyne dropped the robot onto his metal rear, receiving a melodramatic noise of distress in return. "Suck it up, you big baby." 

"Oh Undyne, you truly haven't changed. Still as passionate and rough around the edges as I remember!" 

Papyrus goggled at the uncomfortably sexy automaton, glancing rapidly between him and the Mettaton on television. He caught his head as it fell off. "BUT METTATON, HOW ARE YOU HERE IF YOU'RE ALSO ON TELEVISION?!" 

"Hm?" Mettaton stalked over as if on a catwalk, prompting a whimpering little sigh from Frisk. He leaned over unnecessarily far to inspect the TV. "Darling, this is a rerun. From two weeks ago." He winced as he saw a replay of Papyrus being crushed under the giant star. "So sorry about that, darling. Here, as recompense." He threw handfuls of G in Papyrus' face. 

Sans shrugged lightly. "we don't get out much, and this is all that's on."

"Which is why I'M here to drag you nerds over to Alphys' place for anime night. Frisk, you can tell us how accurately it lines up with actual human history!" Undyne appeared unhealthily excited at the prospect. 

"Uh.. you do realize that isn't a portrayal of human history, right?" 

"...What. B-but.. of course it is, Alphys told me so!" Undyne began sweating profusely, a manic look in her eye. "H-humans really did fight monsters with giant swords while dressed as princesses, right? ANIME IS REAL, RIGHT??!?!" 

"U-uh.. uh..." Frisk glanced around for help. Mettaton was currently admiring himself on TV, and Papyrus was admiring Mettaton admiring himself on TV as he scooped stray G out of his eye sockets. Sans shook his head slowly, grinning maliciously. "I-I just meant that... the swords were way bigger in the past, and so were the monsters?" They phrased it like a question, but it seemed to calm Undyne's near meltdown. 

"Oh, good. For a second there I thought I'd have to do something DRASTIC." Lightning flashed in the background. "Anyway, hurry up, losers! We can't keep Alphys waiting!" Undyne grabbed every one of them in a single arm, flying away with rocket legs or something. How silly; who would ever invent rocket legs? 

Over in Hotland, Alphys laughed nervously. 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Undyne kicked down the four inch thick sliding steel door that lead into Alphys' lab, depositing her loser cargo on the floor. "Alphys! We're here!" she called in a sings-song tone, which sounded more like angry yelling. 

Alphys the awkward yellow dinosaur shrieked quietly at the sudden, soothing sound of Undyne's yell. So soothed was she that she fell down the stairs, tumbling violently down each step to land in front of the group. "O-oh, uh... hey, e-everyone. This is.. a bigger turnout than I expected." She shrank in on herself, unused to being around so many people at a single time. Especially having them all look at her, watching and jUDGING HER SINS-

"hey alphys. i see you haven't changed the place up much." Sans glanced around at the empty noodle cups and chip bags scattered all over the floor, nodding in approval. 

"O-oh, I uh.. this w-was such short notice, I didn't really have time to... clean up." Alphys flushed miserably. 

"Not a problem, darling! I dare say I can take care of this in no time!" Mettaton thrust himself forward, his right hand retracting and his wrist expanding to make way for his Meta Blaster™. He fired off dozens of balls of ionized plasma, incinerating the scattered trash into individual atoms. 

"wow mettaton, i gotta hand it to ya; that was pretty hot." The entire group laughed jovially as Mettaton's mega death cannon of ultimate destruction demise retracted and returned to the form of his regular, well manicured hand. And then they all sat in front of Alphys' television and had a wonderful time. 

 

OR DID THEY?!?!? 

 

Yeah, probably.


	17. Frisk the Toolperson Taylor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Home repairs, or a lack thereof.

Sans, Frisk, and Papyrus all sat atop their television, absorbing the electronic warmth through their butts. 

"You're sure we can't just fix the roof? Or like, at least nail some boards over the hole?" 

Sans peered over the rims of the glasses he didn't wear. "frisk, what you're suggesting sounds like work. and as we know, work isn't allowed in this household." 

Frisk frowned, trying to come up with a loophole. "Well.. we wouldn't exactly be working in the house, would we? We'd be working on top of it." 

"THE HUMAN MAKES AN EXCELLENT POINT! BESIDES, THIS DRAFT HAS CHILLED ME TO THE BONE FOR WEEKS NOW! NYEH HEH HEH!" 

"Great! So, before we get started, do we own any roofing supplies?" 

"no." 

Frisk's smile fell, just a little. 

"Okay, no problem, we can work with that. Do we have any... wooden boards?"

Sans thought of the stack of wooden boards in the shed. "no." 

"Oh. Do we... have a nail hammer?" 

Sans thought of the nail hammer he kept in his sock drawer, just in case. "yes." 

"Oh, great! Do we have nails?" 

Sans thought of the pack of nails that he kept next to the coffee pot, just in case. "no." 

"Okay, uhm..." Frisk paced back and forth, tugging anxiously at their ponytail. Papyrus watched in interest. 

"IS THIS SOME SORT OF NEW DANCE CRAZE? I'D LOVE TO JOIN YOU, BUT ALAS... I HAVE NO HAIR. BUT I DO HAVE TAPE!" Papyrus proudly held up a four pack of masking tape. 

"hey, we could use that to fix the roof, snow problem. smart thinking, papyrus." Sans gave his brother a thumbs up, prompting a modest blush. 

"NO NEED TO THANK ME. THIS BRILLIANT PLAN WAS JUST ONE OF MANY THAT I KEEP ON MY PERSON AT ALL TIMES!" Papyrus pointed to the sheets of paper taped all over his body. Each of them read 'BRILLIANT PLAN!' and nothing else. 

"Alright, masking tape. I'm sure THAT will keep out the cold and snow." Frisk rolled their eyes. "Fine. How are we getting up there? Papyrus' helicopter powers?" 

Both skeleton brothers stared at them blankly. "MY WHAT?"

"i think if my brother had helicopter powers, i'd be in the snow about it." Sans fell back into the pile of snow, grinning widely. 

"NYEEEEEEEH! THAT IS THE LAST STRAW, SANS!" 

"i think we got more in a cabinet somewhere-"

"FOR YOUR INCESSANT PUNNING, YOU MUST BE... PUNISHED! NYEH! NYEH HEH! NYEH HEH HEH HEH!" Papyrus draped his cape over his arm before detaching it with a flourish, holding it towards the sky. Er, ceiling. "ON GUARD-Y!" Papyrus swung his arm much like he would a sabre, slashing and thrusting and parrying expertly. Frisk watched on in awe as Papyrus slashed up a whirlwind of blows, throwing in flashy twirls and backflips between attacks. His swipes were powerful and merciless, leaving no room for recovery with their speed and accuracy. "NYEH, NYEH-HA! TAKE THAT, AND THIS, AND ONE OF THOSE! YOU SHALL FALL BEFORE THE MIGHTY PAPYRUS ON THIS DAY, FOR NONE HAVE TASTED MY BLADE AND LIVED TO TELL THE TALE! YOU! ARE! FINISHED!!!!" 

Papyrus fell still, panting heavily. Where Sans once sat, half buried in a mound of snow, there now stood a life sized sculpture of Papyrus dressed like a conquistador, cradling his sleeping brother. Frisk clapped politely. 

"THANK YOU, THANK YOU. I DO BAT MITZVAHS AND CHILDREN'S BIRTHDAY PARTIES. HERE'S MY CARD." Papyrus threw a handful of blank business cards in Frisk's face. They snatched them up hungrily, stuffing them into their mouth. They'd eaten spaghetti for four nights in a row. 

"NOW, WHAT IS IT THAT WE WERE DOING... FIXING THE ROOF, OF COURSE! BUT... HOW ARE WE DOING THAT?" 

"Just use your helicopter powers!" 

Papyrus laughed merrily, patting the top of Frisk's head. "QUITE AN IMAGINATION YOU HAVE, HUMAN! IF ONLY IT WERE TRULY SO THAT I MIGHT FLY AS THE GRACEFUL HELICOPTERS DO.." He paused to wipe a tear from his socket. "ANYWAY, I'M SURE WE HAVE A LADDER IN THE SHED SOMEWHERE." 

"who needs a ladder when you got 'dogs?" Sans was stood over somewhere to the left all of a sudden. 

"Dogs? You mean like... Lesser and Greater Dog? I guess if we stood on Lesser Dog's head-"

"nah, kid. i'm talking about apostrophe dogs. it's how all the cool kids say hot dog these days." Sans turned his snapback hat sideways. 

"...What are we supposed to do with hot dogs?" 

Sans' smile gleamed.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Go go go go go go go!" Frisk chanted as Sans carefully lowered apostrophe dogs onto the top of their head from the floor up, the towering... tower of mystery meat and buns wobbling back and forth, held together only by relish and mustard. Papyrus was not present to witness this marvel of fast food engineering, as he'd called the idea 'BOTH STUPID AND DUMB; A RARE COMBINATION INDEED!' and gone off to find a ladder. He'd been gone for half an hour. 

Sans panted and wheezed, leaning against the banister as he held a hand to his ribcage. "okay kid... i think i need a break. all this heavy liftin' has left me dog tired." 

"C'mon, you can do it! Keep those apostrophe dogs coming!" 

Sans gasped weakly for breath, worn down to the bone by the lifting of over forty hotdogs. But the sight of the kid smilin' up at him, so filled with confidence... it filled him with determination.

And then Sans just used his magic to float Frisk up to the hole in the ceiling. 

"Oh. Well, I guess that works too." They gazed up at the hotdogs still stacked on their head. "..We can eat these, right?" 

"sure why not." 

Papyrus, once he'd realized that there wasn't a ladder in the shed out front, dragged himself sullenly through the front door... only to be greeted by the sight of Sans and Frisk, working together to tape up every last inch of the giant gaping hole in their ceiling. "WOWIE! YOUR TEAMWORK IS IMPECCABLE! YOUR BELIEF IN ONE ANOTHER HAS EVEN GRANTED FRISK THE ABILITY TO FLOAT OFF THE GROUND AND BALANCE FORTY SEVEN HOT DOGS ON THEIR HEAD!" 

And then Frisk fell fifteen feet because Sans was the startle, hot dogs falling like shooting stars. Papyrus caught three in his mouth, chewing thoughtfully. Oh, and he also caught Frisk too or whatever. 

"oh uh hey bro didn't expect you back so soon i thought it'd be a little while longer or maybe a lot probably the ladder get it it's a ladder pun hahahaha like former and latter get it-" Sans slammed the door to his room behind him. 

"...WOW, WHAT A WEIRDO."

Frisk ate four hot dogs off the ground for dinner.


	18. Birthday Bash Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Somebody's getting a birthday beatdown.

Boy oh boy, what a wonderful day it was! The birds were singing, the flowers were blooming, and the sun was shining bright! Unfortunately nobody in the Underground was privy to this experience, so they resigned themselves to having another shit day, just like every other. 

But Frisk was determined to not have a shitty day! They awoke at 3:58 AM (which was actually four in the afternoon on the surface), minutes before Papyrus would usually wake them up with his screaming. They crept quietly into the kitchen, pulling a lukewarm container of pre-made pancake mix out of the permanently open refrigerator. They'd really need to get a new one. Frisk stacked several chairs on top of each other to reach the cabinet above the sink, which was still up near the ceiling. They weebled and wobbled but didn't fall down, eventually emerging victoriously with a cast iron skillet in hand. And then the chair tower collapsed, sending Frisk careening into the kitchen tiles. 

One revert later had Frisk melting several sticks of butter into the frying pan, humming a light tune as they poured the container of pancake mix into a mixing bowl, for authenticity's sake. When the pan was full of sizzling liquid butter they emptied as much of the mix into the pan as would fit, a bright smile on their face. Their first pancake! They even drew a little smiley face on it with their finger. The smiling pancake was all like 'yeah!' but then it was like 'AAAAAHH' because of the hot butter and skillet situation, screaming in agony as Frisk watched on in horror. They quickly retrieved a spatula from a nearby drawer, straining to lift the humongous pancake from the skillet. 

"G-go on without me, kid. I'm a goner. T-tell.. tell my wife, Darla... tell her that the check I gave her ain't gonna go through. It just won't." And then pancake face was no more. Frisk cried quietly into a hankie, lighting a candle in remembrance. And then they flipped it over to cook the other side. 

The smell of fresh pancakes filled the house, rousing a certain skeleton from his slumber. "papyrusdon'tburnthehousedownthatwouldn'tbecool," he slurred, tumbling out of bed. Sans groaned and scratched his ribs, crawling into the sweater he'd thrown onto the floor just last night. He shuffled into his slippers and peered out his door, hearing no 'NYEH's or 'WOWIE!'s. Instead of taking the stairs he took a shortcut into the living room, yawning loudly. "is that you, kiddo?" 

Frisk waved cheerfully from in front of the stove, a pair of thick, slightly overcooked pancakes set on a plate on the counter, and a third sizzling away in the skillet. "I'm making breakfast," they clarified brightly. 

"yeah, i can see that. did you want any help? i'm not much of a cook, but-"

Frisk shook their head determinedly, staring daggers at their mighty circular-skillet-confectionary foe. "I got this one." Frisk raised their spatula up high, the cheap plastic gleaming in the fluorescent light, and brought it down upon the pancake with unimaginable force. And then they very gently flipped it over. 

"so, what's the occasion?" Sans rolled his knuckles on the kitchen table, wondering when they'd gotten a flower vase on the window sill. He also wondered when they had gotten a window sill. 

"It's my birthday!" Frisk cheered quietly, thrusting their arms up into the air and doing jazz hands. They fumbled to catch the falling spatula. 

Sans chuckled lightly. "birthday, huh? how old are you gonna be?" 

"Uuuuuuhm..." Frisk counted on their fingers and frowned. They set down the spatula and counted their other hand. They began counting their feet, and Sans caught them before they managed to hit the floor. "Old enough. I think." 

"hey, don't sweat it. papyrus and i don't know how old we are either. it's as if we just appeared out of nowhere one day." Sans winked conspiratorially at the camera. 

"Sounds pretty spooky." Frisk wriggled out of the skeleton's grasp, returning to gently transfer the pancake from skillet to plate. 

"absolutely bone chilling," sans agreed, giving himself a high five. 

"Hey, I'm the birthday... person, and I say no puns allowed." Frisk set the plate of pancakes in the center of the table, gently placing a closed bottle of maple syrup on top. 

"whatever you say, big.. person." Frisk and Sans winked back and forth at each other. They continued doing so for many long minutes, and that was how Papyrus found them. 

"YOU GUYS ARE DOING THAT WEIRD EYE THING AGAIN. IS THIS SOME SORT OF SECRET CODE THAT I DON'T KNOW ABOUT?" Papyrus pulled up a chair, noticing the plate of pancakes for the first time. "WOWIE! THESE PANCAKES ACTUALLY LOOK LIKE THE ONES ON THE BOX! HOWEVER DID YOU MANAGE IT?" 

"You're supposed to cook them on the stove." Frisk blustered about, collecting forks and knives for everyone to eat with. 

"NYEH HEH HEH! SILLY HUMAN, THE STOVE IS FOR SPAGHETTI! EVEN WITH YOUR BLATANT LIES, I AM QUITE IMPRESSED. YOU SHOULD FEEL HONORED!" Papyrus carefully grabbed the topmost pancake with his bare hands, shoveling it through his teeth. Shredded bits of pancake fell into his lap. "DELICIOUS!" 

Frisk stared at the fork and knife that were easily within Papyrus' reach. "...Glad you like them." 

Sans had just finished dousing his pancake with the entire bottle of maple syrup, which dripped off the plate and onto the floor. "there we go. looks almost good enough to eat." he winked at the remains of pancake face.

Frisk glanced mournfully at the empty bottle of maple syrup, cutting off tiny bits of pancake with their fork because knives are very dangerous and you can hurt yourself with them. They made a noise of pleasure at the first taste of the slightly burnt pancake, which was still the most edible thing they'd eaten in a week. 

"so," Sans spoke up, once everyone had eaten their fill. Frisk had even gone for seconds, eating the scraps off Papyrus' lap as he complained about how ticklish he was. How scandalous. "what else do you wanna do for your birthday, kiddo?" 

"BIRTHDAY?!? OH MY GOD, SANS, WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME IT WAS THE HUMAN'S BIRTHDAY?!?!?"

"i just did-" 

Papyrus flew out of his seat, grasping Frisk in his bony hands. "HUMAN, THIS IS A CAUSE FOR CELEBRATION! WE SHALL THROW FOR YOU THE MOST INCREDIBLE BIRTHDAY PARTY OF YOUR YOUNG(?) LIFE!" He carelessly tossed them across the room as he splayed his fingers over his chest, looking smug. "I, OF COURSE, WILL BE THE HEAD PARTY PLANNER. OH, I NEED TO CALL UP EVERYONE SO THAT THEY CAN HELP!" Papyrus rolled out of the kitchen, accidentally running over Frisk on his way up to his room. 

"well, looks like papyrus is deciding what happens next. tell you what; tomorrow, i'll take you on a birthdate. we can do whatever you want, my treat." Sans winked at the blushing human, walking out of the kitchen at the same speed as the maple syrup spreading across the tile. "think i'll change real quick. gotta look nice for your big day, after all." Frisk watched him leave for roughly twenty minutes. 

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Before long all of Frisk's friends were gathered around in the living room, blearily stumbling around because it was four in the morning. 

"DEARLY BELOVED, WE HAVE GATHERED HERE TODAY TO CELEBRATE THE BIRTH DAY OF OUR DEAR FRIEND, HUMAN. I MEAN, FRISK." 

Everyone suddenly looked more awake, murmuring amongst each other, but not to each other. 

Mettaton raised his hand like a little school boy, waiting to be called on. When Papyrus waved excitedly at him, he took that as his cue to speak. "Yes, hello, Mettaton MAX here, here's my card." He flung business cards like shuriken, one embedding itself in Papyrus' skull. "I for one am overjoyed to take part in the celebration of the birthday of darling little Frisk, but... isn't this a bit short notice?" 

"OF COURSE NOT; WE HAVE ALL DAY TO PREPARE! FOR I, THE BRILLIANT PAPYRUS, HAVE COME UP WITH A MASTER PLAN. ONE OF EACH OF US WILL TAKE FRISK OUT FOR BIRTHDAY SHENANIGANS WHILE THE REST WORK ON THE PARTY HERE!" Papyrus posed triumphantly. "FEEL FREE TO SHOWER ME IN ADULATION; I'LL WAIT." 

There was silence. Mettaton simulated a cough. 

"..ANYWAY. SANS, YOU'RE GOING FIRST. TAKE THE HUMAN OFF TO GRILLBY'S, OR WHATEVER. THEY CAN'T KNOW WE'RE PLANNING A PARTY FOR THEM!" 

Several heads turned to look at Frisk, who was sat on the couch. They all waved at each other for several minutes. 

Sans zipped up his fur lined blue jacket, lifting Frisk off the couch and carrying them towards the door. "looks like we're first up, kiddo." He kicked the door down, flying outside with rocket boots or something. As soon as they left, everyone else exploded into action! And then spent the first hour cleaning up after the explosion.


	19. Birthday Bash Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Continuity? I barely even know her! 
> 
> Also humor is lacking, fluff abounds.

Frisk glanced worriedly over their shoulder at the sound of catastrophic explosions goin' off like it was da fowf of jewlayie, but when they saw the house was still as intact as it usually was they immediately forgot about it in favor of internally squealing because Sans was holding their hand. Sure, his hand was ice cold and made of bones and the joints were kinda pinchy, but it belonged to Sans and that's what mattered. 

"so, i know my brother said we should head to grillby's, but this is your day. we can go anywhere your squishy little heart desires." Sans poked them in the chest, prompting a startled giggle. 

"We can save that for my birthdate, right? C'mon, let's get some apostrophe burgs." Frisk winked so hard that their eyelids clipped through each other. 

"...uh. yeah, sure. two apostrophe burgs, comin' right up." Sans led them behind a conveniently placed snowbank, leading them back out into Grillby's. Being as it was four in the morning, Grillby himself was the only one actually in there. "hey grillbz, think we can get two burgers for me and the birthday kid?" 

Grillby's eyes widened behind his (apparently fireproof) glasses, the faces of tortured souls swimming in his pupils as he stared at Frisk. They waved shyly back, still intimidated by the hellish bartender. Grillby made a sound like the screaming of the damned. 

"yeah, sure, let's get the birthday special too. i got some G to spare." 

Grillby nodded, or possibly just flickered, moving in and out of the kitchen so fast that the burgers practically materialized in front of them. They thanked the bartender and reached for the ketchup at the same time. Their fingers brushed, and their eyes locked. A mosquito flew between them, and was instantly zapped into ashes. 

"...you know what kid, go for it." Sans raised his hands above his head in a move he was certainly familiar with, that dirty low down hot dog smuggler, leaving the ketchup wide open. Frisk smiled brightly, removing a lightbulb from their mouth before carefully dumping out the entire container of ketchup onto their burger. Sans watched on in amazement as they bit into the soaking burger, absolutely demolishing it with the sheer power of their overbite. Lettuce and tomato and onion flew everywhere, shredded into nearly microscopic pieces. The buns melted like a butter through hot knife, their delicate fibers standing no chance. The patty put up a well-done fight, but in the end it stood no chance against Frisk's prominent front teeth. In a matter of minutes, the burger was no more. Grillby shed a tear of liquid fire, which landed with a 'plop' on the bartop.  
Which then caught on fire. Grillby flailed in terror as the tiny flame began to spread, attempting to beat it out with his hands. Unfortunately, that just made more fire. He made a noise not unlike the howling of demons, desperately throwing his bar rag on top of the spreading flames. That too caught fire. 

"uh... i think we'll just take everything to go, grillbz." Sans stared at the panicking bartender, gently reaching over the growing wall of flames to grab the birthday special that had been behind the counter for some reason, snatching the kid up in his other hand and grabbing his burger between his teeth. He shuffled out of the burning building as fast as his tiny little legs would take him, huffing and puffing as he stared back at the roaring flames. Frisk rolled their eyes, wiggling out of the skeleton's grasp and pushing him out the front door. They emerged just outside of their house, just in time for a massive explosion to ring out through all of Snowdin. A mushroom cloud billowed outwards and upwards. Something glinted in the air, flying towards them and landing in the snow at their feet. Grillby's glasses. 

Sans sniffled and held the glasses between a thumb and forefinger, raising his other hand up in a salute. "rip in peace, you salty sonuvabitch," he mumbled around his burger. Then Sans remembered that he had a delicious burger! He carelessly tossed the glasses aside, digging into his apostrophe burg with gusto. Frisk tugged at his sleeve, looking shell shocked. 

"hm? worried about grillby? kid, he's literally made of fire. this happens twice a week. now, why don't you unwrap your birthday special?" He placed a foil wrapped... something, in Frisk's hands. They stared at it dubiously, unsure of what it could be. They unwrapped it with all the care of someone defusing a bomb, revealing...! A cookie and ice cream sandwich, complete with a colorful little candle. They gasped in delight, prepared to dump the entire thing into their gaping hell maw. 

"hey hey, not so fast. we gotta light the candle first. in remembrance of that one time grillby accidentally burnt down his bar. remember that? man, i knew that place was hot, but-" He paused under the force of Frisk's warning glare. "alright, alright. no puns. knewthatplacewashotbutitwasonfiretoday," he coughed into his hand. Frisk looked suspicious. "what? i was just wishing you a happy birthday. now, let me light that candle for you." He held the candle delicately, winking at the wick so fast that a spark formed and instantly ignited the candle. He gently placed it in the center of the sandwich. "now, i must sing you the traditional birthday song." Sans cleared his whatever, closing his eyes as he prepared to sing. "haaappy birth-" he coughed and wheezed, hacking up a rib as he pounded on his ribcage. "okay, enough of that. you know how it goes. now blow out the candle and make a wish." 

Frisk nodded seriously, closing their eyes and thinking hard. Then their eyes exploded back open, and they blew so hard that the candle flew away into the wind. And finally, they tossed the entire ice cream cookie sandwich into their garbage disposal of a mouth, chewing happily. 

"so, is there anything else you wanted to do, or should we go back inside and give someone else a turn?" 

Frisk pretended to think about it, 'hmm'ing and scratching their chin. Then they turned towards Sans with a radiant smile, wrapping him in the warmest hug they could muster. They held it for a few beats before stepping back, a charming little grin looking right at home on their face. "Okay. We can go in now." Frisk led the rebooting Sans inside, waving at Papyrus and Mettaton, who appeared to be hanging streamers from the ceiling. 

"OH MY GOD, THE HUMAN IS BACK! MY BRILLIANT PLAN TO KEEP THEM IGNORANT OF THE SUPER COOL PARTY THAT WE ARE PLANNING FOR THEM AT THIS EXACT MOMENT IS RUINED!" Papyrus screamed and clutched at his face, fingers digging into his eye sockets and up his nasal cavities. 

"Sorry to interrupt your meltdown, but wasn't it your plan for us to bring darling little Frisk back here when our turn was over?" Mettaton flew over and gently removed Papyrus' hands from inside of his face, staring deeply into the skeleton's horrible gaping sockets of infinite darkness. "Anyway," Mettaton twirled away, accidentally smacking Papyrus upside the head. "I do believe it is your turn, dear Papyrus." 

"UNPOSSIBLE! I MUST REMAIN HERE AS HEAD PARTY PLANNER, SO THAT I CAN PLAN THE PARTY... HEAD." 

"Nonsense. I'm sure your brother will be able to pick up the slack." Something in the kitchen started screaming. "No trouble at all." Mettaton gently grabbed the skeleton by the fibula, whirling him around and tossing him out the door. Frisk reached up to grab his hand as he was propelled outside, being pulled along by him. 

Sans and Mettaton stared awkwardly at one another. "I could... give you a lift-" the robot squealed as a massive femur broke through the floor under Snas, I mean Sans, lifting him up so he could reach the ceiling. "..Or you could do that." 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Papyrus and Frisk both screamed in unison as they flew through the air, dodging wildly around literally millions of pine trees. That's a lot of pine trees. Eventually they found themselves careening towards the ground for some reason, Papyrus' face thankfully breaking their fall as they landed in the snow. "MMPH MMM HMPH!" Frisk sighed, soothed by the sound of Papyrus' muffled shrieking. Unfortunately all good things come to an end, the skeleton pulling his skull out of the snow. He quickly jumped to his booted feet, cape flaring behind him as he was restored to his full glory and volume. "NYEH HEH! NOW THAT I HAVE YOU IN MY CLUTCHES, WE CAN ENGAGE IN THE MOST INCREDIBLE BIRTHDAY ACTIVITY OF ALL TIME!" 

Frisk looked fairly apprehensive, unsure of what ridiculous activities the skeleton had in mind. Suddenly, a disco ball suspended from a rope lowered from the top of the screen. Several candles popped up out of the snow, and the entire Underground dimmed dramatically. 

Papyrus stood with his back turned, cast in deep shadows. Frisk made a noise of confusion, moving to touch the skeleton-who whirled around, wearing a... bone print Mariachi uniform? A thin mustache had been drawn on his face in marker, and the brim of a sombrero rested low over his eyes. "MON CHERRY, MAY I HAVE THIS DANCE?" 

"Isn't that French-" Frisk squealed as they were swept into the air by the skeleton, who began dancing some bastardized version of the Salsa. They were dipped and ducked and whirled around at breakneck speeds, their neck actually breaking at one point. But Papyrus glued it back together so it was k. They danced for hours, or possibly just fifteen minutes, fast paced music of Latin origin playing from somewhere in the background. 

Then the music abruptly cut out as Papyrus dipped Frisk so low that their hair brushed the snow, the skeleton panting loudly. He then carelessly dropped them, posing dramatically as he tossed his sombrero off into the distance. "OH LAY!" The sombrero was carried back by the breeze, smacking him in the face and blinding him. He stumbled around in circles for several minutes, screaming his head off. Then his head actually fell off, freeing itself from the sombrero as Frisk watched on in bewilderment. 

"Uh, Papyrus-" 

"NEVER FEAR HUMAN, FOR THE FUN HAS ONLY JUST BEGUN!" Papyrus pulled a bag of tortilla chips out of his hat, prompting light applause. He then proceeded to tear open the bag and dump the chips on Frisk's head, following up with a container of pre-made chili con queso. Frisk wiped the thick, chunky cheese out of their eyes, scooping some up with a chip and popping it into their mouth. It was the most delicious food item that Papyrus' hands had ever touched. 

"OHO, BUT THE FUN DOESN'T STOP THERE! PREPARE FOR THE GRANDE FINALE-AY!" Papyrus pulled a human shaped pinata out of... somewhere, turning it over in his hands. "NOW, WHAT DID THE INSTRUCTIONS SAY TO DO WITH THIS... OH, NOW I REMEMBER!" He proceeded to crack the pinata over Frisk's head like an egg, pulling it apart to allow streams of monster candy to spill out. 

Frisk opened their mouth to funnel the candy directly down their throat, uncaring of the thick plastic wrappers. They caught every last piece of candy in their mouth, and even caught the seven hundred page hardcover puzzle book that was in there. 

"WELL, DID YOU LIKE IT?" Papyrus vibrated excitedly in place, beginning to drill a hole through the snow. Frisk spat out a few teeth before flashing him a bloody smile. "WOWIE! I REALLY DID IT! I'VE GIVEN THE HUMAN THE BEST BIRTHDAY SURPRISE IMAGINABLE!" Papyrus swept them up into his arms, squeezing so tight that some monster candy came back up. "COME, HUMAN, WE MUST RETURN TO THE OTHERS SO THAT THE BIRTHDAY JOY CAN CONTINUE!" And then he flew off into the air, soaring majestically. Until they collided with a high flying bird, exploding on impact.


	20. Birthday Bash Part 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gettin' funkay!

Papyrus and Frisk stumbled through the front door, cartoonishly blackened from that explosion that happened several minutes ago. Papyrus' mustache had been seared off, and the majority of Frisk's missing teeth were taped haphazardly onto their face. But both were smiling bright, so something must have gone right. 

"wowlookslikeyoutwohadablast," Sans muttered under his breath. Frisk sent him a warning look.

Mettaton shrieked in horror when he saw the state his two precious pumpkins were in, doing a triple backflip through the air to land in front of them. "Oh, my darlings! Are you both alright?! Where does it hurt? I'll call up the hospital right away!" An old rotary phone popped out of a slot in his side, but Papyrus slapped it across the room before the diva could begin dialing. 

"FEAR NOT, METTATON! FRISK AND I ARE MERELY WEARING THE SCARS THAT RESULTED FROM OUR BOMBASTIC BIRTHDAY BASH. AND INDEED, WE BEAR THEM PROUDLY!" Papyrus and Frisk both stood tall, arms on their hips and chests puffed out as their cape and ponytail flared out behind them. Mettaton looked absolutely dazzled. "WOWIE, THAT WAS REALLY GOOD! I'M GLAD WE REHEARSED THAT." The human and skeleton gave each other several high fives in a row, each one come out faster than the last. Unfortunately, Mettaton intervened before they could reach the high five top speed record. 

"Well, as long as you two are alright..." He peered between the two, concern written on his uncomfortably attractive face. Then he beamed a glamourous smile, lifting Frisk off the floor. "Then I guess it's our turn, darling!" 

He blasted away with actual rocket legs, accidentally setting the floor on fire but Sans put it out with his face so it was okay. "Well darling, I hope you are prepared... for the most FABULOUS morning of your life!" Electro funk blasted out of Mettaton's speakers as he gyrated in mid-air. "I've pushed aside all my other appointments for this." Mettaton's nose blinked red, and they both turned to wave at a distant, jolly figure and his sleigh as he careened into the side of a mountain. "He'll be fine," the robot confirmed dismissively. "What matters right now is YOU, my little darling. Oh, I have so many things lined up! Dinner, dancing, a romantic walk on the beach..." he paused, pulling a list out of somewhere. A pair of reading glasses slid out of his hair to rest on his nose. "Oh, silly me. That's for someone else. Still! I promise that my plans for you will be the star of the night! Our first stop is at the Underground's most prestigious beauty salon!" They descended in an elegant arc, Mettaton's trail of sparkles raining down upon the Underground. 

They touched down just outside of a beauty salon, placed right in the middle of somewhere ambiguous. The big, neon sign on the front read 'MTT BEAUTY SALON'. Frisk shot the robot a flat look. Mettaton appeared affronted. "What? It's not like I was lying!" Frisk rolled their eyes and took Mettaton's hand, thankfully over their crush on the robot. He was more like a big sister anyway. Or possibly a very flamboyant uncle. Said flamboyant uncle sister strutted through the sliding doors of the salon with Frisk in hand, revealing to them another world. The salon sparkled like a finely polished diamond, everything done up in shades of pearly white and petal pink. Shining silver stands held all the latest fashion magazines, glass cases held tiny crystal vials of perfume, shelves were stacked with conditioners and shampoos and every scent of body lotion imaginable. Frisk goggled, stars shining in their eyes. They picked one out and ate it, eyes never leaving the splendor before them. 

"Well, what do you think?" Mettaton preened, looking very pleased with himself. And then he looked very surprised when two warm arms were thrown around his middle, just below his beating heart. He peered down, staring right into Frisk's starstruck eyes, and was filled with determination. He clutched the human against his bosom, raising a fist to the sky dramatically. "I swear to you that on this day, I, Mettaton MAX, shall provide for you the BEST. MAKEOVER. EVER!" And then they both squealed like little girls, running in circles around the salon and throwing bottles of shampoo at each other. 

After much fun having Mettaton finally sat the squirming Frisk down in a chair, dumping a bucket of water on their head. He inspected the now dripping locks of hair intently, eyes fading away as hologram projectors.. projected, a real time rendering of Frisk with a mohawk. "How does this look, darling?" A shaken head was the answer. "Alright, let's see.." Next up was a classic undercut, a half shaven punked look, a beehive, a bowl cut, a pixie cut, a faux hawk- Several agonizing minutes later, they'd finally settled on a haircut. "Alright darling, I'll do my best!" Mettaton posed dramatically with a pair of scissors in one hand and a razor in the other. And then he was off! His arms whirled around in a blur of motion, snipping and shaving and cutting and primping in a tornado of fabulosity. Finally he stepped back, panting unnecessarily as the dust settled, revealing... the same hairstyle Frisk originally had. Only it was an inch longer, somehow. Both robot and human stared at one another. 

"...Well, I'm not sure how that happened. But still! You look absolutely fabulous. Almost as fabulous as me!" Mettaton chuckled modestly, signing autographs for nobody in particular. "Now!" He tossed his pen and notepad aside, knocking over several shelves of expensive beauty cream in the process. "Now, it is time for your mani/pedi!" And then the mani/pedi happened offscreen, where I'm sure all kinds of whacky hijinks took place. If only the author were kind enough to describe it. 

Anyway Frisk and Mettaton soon left the beauty salon, Frisk's hair pulled into a high ponytail and their finger and toenails painted an assortment of different colors. They held tight onto Mettaton's shoulderpads as he rocketed off into the air, flying high over unnamed location. Frisk marveled at the tiny lights twinkling down below, wanting to just reach down and scoop them all up. So they did, and then they fell to their death. 

But the next time they refrained from doing that, because dying is bad and not good. They listened to the soothing sound of Mettaton chattering on about himself and his accomplishments, eyelids growing heavy. Before long, everything went dark. 

"-arling? Wake up, darling! We're at our next stop!" Mettaton gently shook Frisk like a ragdoll, their limbs flopping all over the place. He held them upside down by a leg and shook them that way, eventually rousing the sleepy human. How adorable. He dropped them carelessly onto the cement, spreading his arms wide. "Welcome darling, to MTT-brand Burger Emporium, home of the Glamburger™!" Frisk looked unhealthily excited at the idea of a 'Glamburger™', jumping up off the blood splattered concrete to tug impatiently at Mettaton's glued on boot. The robot humbly obliged, kicking Frisk right through the front door of the burger joint. 

Frisk landed directly on top of the counter, peering owlishly up at a weird cat looking monster with a hideously stretched face. I'm talkin' like four feet of freak face. Two asymmetrical eyes blinked back at them, a sideways mouth parting in an exhausted sigh. "Welcome to.. burger.. place. Home of the burger with sequins and glue on it. Sparkle up your... whatever." Stretchy Face sighed again, leaning heavily on the counter, putting his horrifying visage uncomfortably close to Frisk's face. "Listen, kiddo. Here's some advice for ya. Don't eat the Glamburger. Don't do it. Just don..." He turned into an incomprehensibly stuttering mess as Mettaton walked through the door, judgementally peering around. Stretchy Face's face shrunk until his eyes were pinpricks, nose practically part of his mouth. 

"Well hello there, Burgerpants," the diva purred, eyes narrowing dangerously. "Are you working hard, or hardly working? Ohohohoho- don't answer, because I already know the truth." Mettaton's heeled boots clacked menacingly against the poorly swept tile floors. "I know what you're all about, Burgerpants. I see right through you." Mettaton stepped up onto the counter so as to improve his looming game, gently sliding Frisk out of the way with his foot. He stared contemptuously down at the quivering mass of weird facial parts and wasted potential. "But you know what? I'm going to let it slide. Just this once. My darling little friend here is celebrating their birthday today, and you are going to make for them the most delicious Glamburger to ever touch tastebuds. Got it?" He was leaning in until his face was practically touching Burgerpants', eyes narrowed in disgust at the wibbling, saliva soaked sausage that may or may not have been the minimum wage employee's mouth. "I'm glad we understand each other." Suddenly he was back to all smiles, doing a high kick as he gracefully stepped down from the counter, taking Frisk with him. Burgerpants all but disapparated on the spot as he ran into the kitchen. 

"Such a funny fellow, don't you think?" Frisk watched on warily, unsure of what had just transpired. "Oh, don't look at me like that. I was simply... inspiring him to increase productivity." Well, how could Frisk not trust a robot with rocket feet and a plasma cannon arm? They flashed a smile and a thumbs up, enduring the robot's subsequent cooing over them. His head snapped up like a striking viper at the sound of sneakered feet squeaking on tile. 

Burgerpants' entire head had shrunken down enough to hide behind the single wrapped Glamburger that he held. His hands shook like he was carrying a brick of lead. He dragged his feet all the way up to the counter, where Mettaton waited impatiently. He handed over the entirely inedible burger, squeaking in panic at the look on his employer's face. "T-thank you for coming to MTT Burger Emporium I hope you enjoy and have a fabu-ful day!" And then he disappeared on the spot, presumably having left to cower in the kitchen. 

"The quality of workers today, I swear." Mettaton slid into a booth with Frisk at his side, gently unwrapping the adhesive smelling burger. Frisk eyed it warily, taking in the thick globs of glue and generously scattered sequins. 

"Are you sure this is safe to eat?" 

Mettaton was flabbergasted. "Of course it is, darling! Why would I ever feed you something that is unsafe to ingest?!" 

"Humans can't eat glue. Or sequins," Frisk added as an afterthought. 

"Wh-...what? But, I-I thought humans always ate these sorts of things! Glitter, glue, horse radishes, drain cleaner... was it all lies?!?!?" Mettaton grabbed at his beautiful face, hyperventilating despite not needing to breathe. 

Frisk watched on, carefully considering their next words. "...Yes." 

"Oh." Mettaton let go of his face in favor of carefully fixing his hair. "Well, I suppose I'll have to change up the menu, then. But that can wait for another time, as we have one last stop on our schwedewal!" And then he blasted out of the restaurant before Frisk could correct him, the entire place catching fire with Burgerpants still inside. Rip in peace you will be missed. Or not. 

Before long they were touching down once more, directly in front of a squat building with a bright neon sign reading 'MTT ROLLER DISCO'. Frisk gasped in awe, Mettaton waiting patiently for them to run out of air. He gently caught the unconscious human, slapping them across the face to wake them back up. "That's right, darling! It's time for our grand finale!" He backflipped into the building with Frisk clinging to his leg, the funky nu disco beat that had been playing scratching into silence. The several dozen monsters that were in a roller disco at four in the afternoon for some reason all stared in awe at their fabulous robotic idol. He wave idly, prompting a sea of cheers and hollers and gyrating bodies as the music kicked back into full gear.  
"That's right, darlings! Keep those bodies moving!" Mettaton cheered, a brilliant smile lighting his face. He took Frisk by the hand and led them to get a pair of skates, rollerblades emerging from the bottoms of his boots. Soon enough they were on the dance rink amongst a sea of funky folk, dancing to their hearts content. 

Until suddenly!!! "Hey, Mettaton," came a stereotypical valley girl accent. From within the crowd emerged a cat girl and an alligator(?) girl, both of them outfitted with dark sunglasses, backwards snapback hats, oversized jerseys, and baggy jeans. "We're here to like, challenge you to a dance off or whatever!" 

"But before that, can you like, sign my butt?" 

"No way, sign the inside of my eyelids so I can, like, see your name every time I close my eyes!" 

"A dance contest, you say?" Mettaton cocked a hip, prompting several high pitched squeals. "What say you, Frisk? Shall we show them the power of funky freshness?" 

Frisk nodded firmly, the sight of these two whack playas filling them with determination. 

"Well that's the verdict, ladies! As a proper gentleman, I will allow you to go first." 

Bratty and Catty exchanged a look from under their sunglasses, Catty pulling a massive boom box out of somewhere. She fiddled with the buttons for upwards of five minutes, muttering very naughty words under her breath. Finally she got the music pumping; the phattest beatz comin' str8 from tha underground. The disco dancers all gasped in horror at the blasphemous genre, but Bratty and Catty ain't got time fo dat. They both got into a B-boy stance, and then they threw down. They engaged in a synchronized dance routine, utilizing the hottest R&B gyrations alongside the freshest breakdance moves to ever come out of 1998. They finished off their performance with a devastating whip and nae nae combo. Both at once, at the same time, together! Absolutely unprecedented. The track shut off, and the entire roller disco was silent. 

Mettaton flicked a lock of hair out of his eyes, arms crossing over his chest. His heart thumped up a funky rhythm. "Well, you certainly have talent, ladies. Very well done." He applauded, the rest of the patrons hesitantly joining in. Frisk spat a toothpick on the ground, looking disgusted. And then they picked it up and disposed of it properly in a wastebin. They shared a look with Mettaton, both of them nodding in unison. AND THEN THEY BROUGHT THE BOOGIE BACK! The funkiest disco beat known to man or monster gave them the determination to put their best foot forward, and then twirl on it. The power of their dance moves was unparalleled, the mere sight practically blasting Bratty and Catty clear out of the building. They moved as if they were one mind, one body, one soul. And boy did they have the soul. They spun and boogied and got down and twirled with unimaginable power, bright glittery stars and rainbow lasers and confetti cannons going off wildly in the background. Soon every patron in the building was dancing along, Bratty and Catty looking less confident with each passing second. Frisk and Mettaton finished it off with a final 720 twirl, sliding to a halt with finger pistols drawn and winks firmly in place. Bratty and Catty both combusted on the spot. But they survived with only minor burns so it was k. 

"Well, I think that was a satisfying end to our little venture, don't you think?" Mettaton asked casually as they walked out, several blue ribbons and medals hanging around their necks. 

"It was pretty great," Frisk replied simply, smiling sincerely up at the diva. Said diva teared up, hugging the human tightly and swinging them back and forth. 

"Oh, you're just so darling, I can't take it!" And then Mettaton's head exploded.

Apparently he really couldn't take it.


	21. Birthday Bash Finale

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cuteness. I hope.

"Welcome back nerds hope you had fun if not TOO BAD," Undyne yelled the moment Mettaton and Frisk returned to party central. They'd only just finished reattaching Mettaton's head, using only some glue, a rubber band, and a spare head. Mettaton whipped his head around to meet Undyne's gaze, the rubber band glued to his forehead wobbling back and forth wildly.

"Very well. It is with a heavy heart that I end my turn, dear Frisk. The time we have spent together has been very special, and I shall think of it fondly in the days to come-"

"Blahblahblah! Geez, I've never met someone who likes the sound of their voice so much!" Undyne yelled while standing next to Papyrus, who was preparing to open his mouth. "Never ever ever. Now c'mon nosebleed, it's baking time!" She dragged the human into the kitchen, which was an even bigger mess than it usually was. Alphys was sat at the table, frantically flicking through a cook book. 

"O-oh uh, hi, Frisk. I know it's a bit unorthodox for the birthday.. person to help make their own cake, but uh.." Alphys gestured to the splatters on the wall that might have looked like uncooked cake mix if you squinted really hard. 

"Pfft, whatever! It's just that these stupid recipes don't cater to my totally awesome style of cooking." 

"W-well, I think I found a recipe that'll work for us. The book says it's supposed to be really easy, so... we shouldn't have a problem? ...Right?" She shot a nervous look at Frisk. 

"Sure thing," Frisk replied confidently, giving a wink and a thumbs up. The power of the combo almost blew Alphys' head right off. But I already did that, so her head didn't explode. "What are we making?" They hopped up onto a chair, peering upside down at the cookbook. 

"C-chocolate cake with fudge frosting. Luckily we have some store bought frosting, because... Undyne said making it would take too long." 

"We've only got like, two hours before the party starts! WE GOTTA GET THIS CAKE TRAIN GOING, FULL FORCE! NGAHH!" Undyne punched a hole in the wall, just because she could. 

Frisk motioned for Alphys' to read faster. 

"U-uh, right! Okay, it says we need... four cups of flour. Do we have any flour?" 

"UNDYNE ALWAYS COMES PREPARED." Undyne pulled a bouquet of begonias out from behind her back, glaring at them so hard that they exploded into dust. She then threw their remains into four different drinking glasses. 

Alphys blinked, squinting at the page again. "...W-well it doesn't say what kind of flour to use, so I guess that works. Uhm... next, we need two and a half cups of sugar." 

Undyne and Frisk glanced at each other, the human waggling their eyebrows suggestively. 

"N-not that kind of sugar!" Alphys clarified hastily, a dark blush on her scaly face. 

Frisk pouted, searching around the kitchen for some form of sugar. They eventually found a slightly stale container of sugar cookies, which they dumped into a mixing bowl. 

"U-uh... the sugar in the picture is a lot more... granulated?" 

"Don't worry, I got this! NGGGGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!" Undyne's scream shattered both the sound barrier and every window in the house, the sheer force obliterating the sugar cookies until they were nothing but dust. Funny enough, the exact same thing happened with everyone's eardrums. After a quick visit to the ENT, everyone was back in action and ready to cook! "Alright, what's next? I'm fired up, rarin' to go!" Undyne did a high kick, just barely avoiding taking Frisk's head off. 

"U-uh... eggs vanilla extract cocoa powder vegetable oil milk baking powder baking soda and salt." Alphys blinked up at them. "Do we... have any of that?" 

"What a coincidence! I just happen to have all of those things under my crrrrrazy hat!" Frisk lifted their rainbow jester's hat to reveal all the ingredients they needed, and everyone laughed merrily. But not really. 

"W-well, I guess we'll just have to go to the store and buy it." The thought of venturing into the outside world filled Alphys with anxiety.

"Ugh, I thought you said this was supposed to be easy! Whatever, let's go before we waste even more time." Undyne dragged the awkward dinosaur and the birthday human out to her ride, which was parked outside. It was also a motorcycle with a jet engine strapped to the back. She tossed a pair of motorcycle helmets at the two, pulling on her Royal Guard helm. "Buckle up, dorks, you're in for a hell of a ride!" She did a triple salchow onto her jetcycle, shoving both Frisk and Alphys into the side car, which was painted with fire stripes to make it go faster. Undyne grinned crazily from under her helmet, instead of on top of it or beside it. She ignited the ignition, and the jetcycle roared to life. And then it exploded in a massive, catastrophic fireball. The end. 

Okay not really. Undyne actually revved the engine and gunned the throttle, sending them flying down the street at forty million billion miles per second. Undyne screamed in joy as Frisk and Alphys screamed in terror, all three of them drowned out by the sound of the jet engine. An obscure power metal band played in the background. Their ride from hell lasted only a scant twenty seconds before they parked gently outside of the supermarket. 

"Alright scrubs, let's get a move on!" Undyne tucked her helmet away... somewhere, turning back to glare impatiently at Alphys and Frisk, who had been turned inside out at some point during the ride. "Ugh, what a couple of wimps," she muttered, stalking over to grab them both. She snapped them out like wet towels, turning them right side out again. They both gasped for air, spurting blood from every orifice in their face. "Alright, that's enough of that. Let's go already!" Undyne wound up like a professional pitcher, flinging both of them through the sliding glass doors of the supermarket at supersonic speeds before stomping in after them. 

Soon enough they were all wandering the aisles, Frisk happily seated in the shopping cart, which travelled at semi-dangerous speeds with Undyne at the helm. "Why is it so hard to find stuff in this stupid store?!" 

Alphys panted and wheezed as she struggled to keep up, grabbing ingredients off the shelves whenever she noticed them. "M-maybe if you slowed down and looked-" 

"Slow down? Slowing down is for wimps! I've got a need for speed, baby!" Undyne turned and grinned, sharklike, her ponytail whipping behind her and her eye sparkling with mania. In that moment, she was the most beautiful and horrifying creature Alphys had ever seen. 

"A-at least let me get on the cart!" Alphys activated her rocket boots, hovering over the floor as she easily caught up to Undyne. "Oh. Well, I uh... guess I could have just done that from the beginning. Heh heh." She carefully handed each ingredient she had collected to Frisk for safe keeping. "So uh, Undyne... is this usually how you shop?" 

"Well, duh! How else am I supposed to do it? Browsing is for slowpokes and nerds, which I am not!" Undyne snatched up six boxes of cake mix and threw them into the cart so hard that it dented the metal. 

"A-aren't we making it from scratch-"

"Those recipes are dumb and don't work right! So we're gonna do it the easy way." 

Alphys paused, then smirked cunningly. "I-I uh.. didn't realize you could be so easily defeated by a simple cake recipe. I guess we can just make it from the box, if you're so intimidated..." 

Undyne's head literally burst into flames. "WAS THAT A CHALLENGE!?!" She screeched, grinding the cart to a halt. The rubber wheels squealed in protest, smoking heavily. Frisk chided them, reminding them of the risks of lung cancer. "You know what? I'm gonna make this cake from scratch, and it'll be the tastiest cake that anyone's ever eaten EVER!" A power metal ballad played in the background as she posed dramatically, the thought of the kickass cake she was going to bake filling her with determination. 

Alpyhys unfortunately didn't have time to stop, crashing headfirst into the cold foods section. 

Several minutes later found them all calmly browsing the shelves for the ingredients they needed, Alphys holding a pack of frozen peas to her forehead. Undyne seethed with repressed energy, twitching back and forth at the slightest noise. Considering the squeaky nature of their cart, there was a lot of twitching going on. She gently picked up a carton of milk with trembling hands, moving to place it in the shopping cart-before screaming loudly and throwing it with all her might, the carton catching fire before it split open and spilled sizzling milk everywhere. 

Frisk and Alphys both stared. "Uhm... m-maybe I can handle putting stuff in the cart," the scientist suggested timidly. 

"YEAHWHATEVERFINEI'LLJUSTWAITOUTSIDE," Undyne exploded in a single breath, clutching at her hair and screaming wildly as she did a flying kick all the way from the back of the store to the entrance. Alphys and Frisk clapped enthusiastically. 

"Okay, now we can actually focus on getting what we need." Frisk delicately cleared their throat, holding up the list they'd written offscreen. Alphys squinted at it. "..Oh. We already have everything? Huh, isn't that convenient." She wheeled their cart over to the checkout line, browsing the magazine stand as Frisk grabbed half a dozen chocolate bars. 

"They're for the cake," they clarified. 

"I-I'm in no position to judge. Buy all the candy bars you want, Frisk. It's your birthday, a-after all." Alphys tried for a warm smile. It didn't go well, but Frisk appreciated the effort anyway.  
The scientist carefully loaded every item onto the conveyor belt as the human threw fistfuls of G at the bored looking octopus person behind the register. "Y-you know she hasn't rung anything up yet, right?" 

Frisk tilted their head, looking sincerely confused. "But this is how I always pay for stuff." 

"That'll be one oh three. Do you have a membership card?" The apathetic octopus lady drawled out each word as if they took a monumental effort to say. 

"I-I'll just be paying with credit, thanks." Alphys swiped her card (which was covered in kawaii anime girls in skimpy outfits) and hancocked her signature. The soulless employee bagged their items at glacially slow speeds as Alphys worriedly checked the time on her phone. She hoped they'd have time to bake the cake before the party started. They ended up with six bags total, and Frisk took it upon themself to hang all six off one arm and do bicep curls. They grunted and huffed exaggeratedly, sweat beading on their forehead. Alphys giggled under a hand, lifting Frisk up and gently placing them back in the cart. "C'mon, we can get buff another time. We've got a cake to make." 

When they got outside they found Undyne moodily kicking around piles of snow, slush sizzling under her boots. "Hey, Undyne! We're uh, r-ready to go, now!" 

"Finally. Let's go make this stupid cake already!" Undyne stuffed both her passengers and the groceries in the side car, warming up her jet engine before they blasted off at ridiculous speeds, stopping on a dime in front of the skeleton brothers' house. She kicked the door down, much to nobody's surprise, barely even startling the robot and skeletons. "CAKE TIME NOW!" She hurled both her cooking partners into the kitchen, pole vaulting in after them. 

Sans, Papyrus, and Mettaton all looked at one another, each nursing a plastic party cup filled with Sans' 'special' punch. The secret ingredient is mayo, by the way. "WOW, I NEVER KNEW UNDYNE WAS SO ENTHUSIASTIC ABOUT BAKING. MAYBE ONE DAY SHE'LL EVEN TEACH ME HOW TO BAKE DELICIOUS THINGS, LIKE QUICHE AND POT PIES!" 

"seemed more angry than enthusiastic, bro. she looked like she had a bone to pick with someone." Papyrus screeched in outrage as Mettaton laughed politely. 

Anyway, enough about those dorklords. IT'S TIME TO GET COOKIN'. 

Alphys and Frisk were back at the table, crowded around their cookbook as Frisk munched on all six candy bars at once. "Alright, it says you need to mix all the dry ingredients and stir them finely." 

Undyne ripped the tops off all the dry ingredients, slamming them down into a mixing bowl and stirring them at lightning speeds with her spear, until they were soft as silk and flowed like water. 

"U-uh.. that's pretty good, actually. Now we have to mix the milk, vegetable oil, vanilla, and the uh, eggs, in with everything else." 

Undyne wordlessly dumped all the named ingredients in the mixing bowl, smashing them all with her bare fists until they were a fine, liquidy paste. 

Frisk and Alphys were both in awe. "N-now, we just... pour it into two separate cake tins, and bake at three hundred and fifty degrees for thirty minutes." 

"WHAT." 

Alphys shrank into herself, using the cookbook as a shield. "W-we have to bake it for half an hour, a-and then we can ice it." Sans laughed faintly from the other room. "T-that wasn't a pun!" 

"That's way too long to cook a cake!" Undyne glared ferociously at the cake mix, hoping to cook it with the sheer heat of her gaze. Unfortunately, all it did was bubble a little. "Wait a minute, you said thirty minutes at three fifty, right? By that logic, we could have it done in three minutes if we baked it at THIRTY FIVE HUNDRED." 

"OR FOR THREE SECONDS AT THIRTY FIVE THOUSAND!" Papyrus chimed in helpfully. 

"I've taught you well, my pupil." Undyne wiped a tear from the corner of her eye. "Alright, enough of that. Now it's time to TURN UP THE HEAT!" She cackled as she reached for the dial on the oven, fending off Frisk and Alphys with one arm. She turned it farther, and farther, and farther and farther! And then she turned it farther!!! "HOTTER, HOTTER, HOTTER!" The oven shook and sputtered, the insides glowing orange with heat. Then, with a muffled 'BOOM', the oven imploded, belching out a wave of flames that cooked Undyne's head until it was flaky and golden brown. "Okay maybe too hot." 

"U-Undyne! We didn't even put the cake in the oven yet!" Alphys gestured wildly at the two filled cake pans sitting innocently on the counter. 

"...Oh. Well, that's... I uh..." Undyne rubbed her arm awkwardly, staring at the ground. The three dorkus maxima that had been dorking it up in the living room all stood in the doorway, staring mournfully at the oven. Someone lit a candle in remembrance. Frisk stepped forward and patted Undyne on the arm, smiling gently up at her. "Forget it, kid..." she shrugged them off, looking uncharacteristically morose. "I screwed up real bad this time, huh?" 

"yeah you kinda did." Sans was smacked on the top of the head by his brother, the impact ringing out hollowly. 

"IT'S ALRIGHT UNDYNE! JUST BECAUSE YOU DESTROYED THE OVEN AND RUINED FRISK'S BIRTHDAY PARTY COMPLETELY.. IT DOESN'T MEAN WE CAN'T STILL HAVE A GOOD TIME. AND, THANKS TO MY INCREDIBLE FORESIGHT, I, PAPYRUS THE GREAT, HAVE PREPARED-" 

"Hey, Undyne! I thought heroes never gave up?" Frisk called from in front of the sink, holding up something bulbous and heavy. It was... the flamethrower from their first cooking lesson. Undyne stared, wide eyed. 

"..YOU'RE RIGHT! WHEN A SOLUTION IS OBSCURED, THE HERO FINDS A WAY ANYWAY! Or they have help from some nerd. ...Thanks, kid." Undyne grabbed the flamethrower from their hands, lighting that baby up. Everyone watched on apprehensively as she roasted the pie tins with a blast of white hot flames, the tins melting into metal sludge. Eventually the flame dissipated, revealing... two layers of moist, delicious looking chocolate cake. Everyone clapped in disbelief. "YEAH, UNDYNE SAVES THE DAY!" She spiked the flamethrower into the ground triumphantly. 

"Well darlings, now that that drama is over, what say we let our dear friend open up their presents?" There was a chorus of agreement, and Mettaton basked in it. 

Soon enough they were all gathered in the living room, where Frisk noticed for the first time that the streamers were made of spaghetti noodles, and that the words 'HAPPY BIRTHDAY FRISK' had been written on the wall in pasta sauce. Everyone watched on eagerly as Frisk goggled at a modest stack of presents. Tears welled up in their eyes. 

"IS SOMETHING WRONG, TINY HUMAN? YOUR EYES ARE FILLING WITH WIPER FLUID." 

Frisk shook their head gently, smiling up at all the faces watching them. "Thank you."

"don't thank us yet, kid. you gotta open them first." 

Frisk nodded determinedly, grabbing the first present, which was lazily wrapped in hot dog printed wrapping paper. It wasn't even taped together. They carefully unraveled the wadded ball of paper, only to reveal... a whoopee cushion? "bet it's a real mystery who you got that from, huh? it's the first one i ever bought. bein' a comic yourself, i thought you could use one." Sans received a warm hug in return, a face nuzzling against his cheekbone. "c'mon kid, don't get all mushy on me." He finally relented after several moments of determined nuzzling, gently patting them on the back. "alright, now open your next present."

"OH, OH OH OH DO ME NEXT, PICK THE PRESENT OF THE GREAT PAPYRUS! IT'S THE ONE WITH THE BONES ON IT!" Frisk sifted through the pile of presents, looking puzzled when they found none with bones printed on them. "UNPOSSIBLE! I SPECIFICALLY REMEMBER GLUING THE BONES ON MYSELF!" A tiny yap caught everyone's attention, and they turned to see a tiny dog, munching on Papyrus' paper bones. Before anyone could react it floated up towards the ceiling and through the roof, taking the bones with it. "CURSE YOU, TINY DOG! I SHALL HAVE MY VENGEANCE ONE DAY!" Papyrus shook his fist at the ceiling for several minutes. "ANYWAY, IT IS NOW TIME FOR YOU TO OPEN THE BEST PRESENT YOU'VE EVER RECEIVED!" 

Frisk eventually found Papyrus' present, which was very thin and oblong. They very carefully unstuck all the tape and unraveled the paper, much to Undyne's annoyance. Finally, they finished opening their present, which was... a skateboard, with the words 'SKATE OR DIE' printed in blocky letters under a skeleton face, along with some sort of red fabric. They held it up, looking at Papyrus in confusion. "THAT, TINY HUMAN, IS YOUR VERY OWN CAPE! WEAR IT WITH PRIDE, AND ONE DAY YOU MIGHT EVEN BE AS COOL AS ME! NOT LIKELY, BUT YOU CAN AT LEAST TRY FOR SECOND BEST!" They nodded towards the skateboard. "THAT IS SO YOU CAN SHRED TURF, MY G! IT WILL HELP YOU FIT IN WITH THE 'COOL KIDS', UNTIL YOU HAVE LEVELED UP TO BEING A COOL KID YOURSELF." Papyrus recieved a hug around the ribcage for his efforts. He blushed and looked in the other direction, gently patting the human on the back. "YES, YES, I AM VERY GREAT. NOW GO AHEAD AND OPEN THE REST OF YOUR PRESENTS, WHICH ARE GUARANTEED TO NOT BE AS COOL AS MINE!"

Frisk giggled and tied the cape around their neck, picking up a present that was covered in little cartoon ghosts and music notes. Where did they find this wrapping paper? They repeated their careful unraveling process, eventually finding a tiny magenta box. Mettaton clapped excitedly, wiggling in place. They opened the box to reveal.. some sort of chip? The electronic type, not the potato kind. "Oh, darling, I hope you like it! It has all of my albums on it, and you can plug it right into your phone!" Frisk made a little noise of excitement, leaping up to wrap their arms around the robot, who was near tears at this point. "Oh, darling, I'm so glad you liked it! Happy birthday, dear Frisk!" He began sobbing melodramatically into a hankie, dropping Frisk back down on the couch. 

Knowing the diva would be just fine, Frisk moved on to the next present, which was covered in anime girls and ramen cups. Seriously now, this was getting ridiculous. They looked up to meet Alphys' shy smile, grinning toothily back at her. They opened up the present, only to see... their own phone? "I-I uh, made a few upgrades," Alphys clarified, wringing her claws. "It has a GPS tracking feature, s-so you won't get lost, and uh... it also turns into a jetpack." The dinosaur squeaked as she found a pair of arms around her neck, hugging the human back hesitantly. "I-I'm glad you like it!" 

And then it was time for the final gift, a present wrapped in... plain green wrapping. Huh. They hastily unwrapped it, still taking care not to rip the paper, revealing a book. A book on self defense, at that. And underneath it was... a pair of brass knuckles. They stared at Undyne, who blushed and looked the other way. "Look kid, you're an enormous wimp. I know it and so do you. There's a lot of people that take advantage of little shrimps like you, and if you're ever in a situation where I'm not around to beat the snot out of them.. you should be able to defend yourself, y'know?" Frisk stared up at her with shining eyes, reaching out for the hug. "Don't look at me like that! Ugh, whatever." She leaned down to allow Frisk to wrap their arms around her, trying to look like she didn't enjoy it. "Alright alright, enough mushy stuff. Let's get to the cake already!" 

There was chatters of agreement, everyone walking in circles around each other as they navigated towards the kitchen, where the cake had finally cooled. They all watched in anticipation as Alphys gently stacked the two layers, coating it in thick, delicious looking chocolate icing. Finally, finally finally the cake was completed! But before anyone could eat it, Papyrus jumped up on the table. 

"DEARLY BELOVED, WE ARE GATHERED HERE TODAY-OH, WAIT, I ALREADY SAID THAT." Everyone looked on in horror. "I JUST WANTED TO ANNOUNCE HOW HAPPY I AM TO CELEBRATE THE HUMAN'S BIRTHDAY WITH ALL MY DEAR FRIENDS. AND, FOR THE OCCASION, I-" He shifted, producing an odd squelching noise. Papyrus glanced down to find his foot firmly placed inside of the cake. "OH, UH. WHOOPSIES. WELL, I UH.. ACTUALLY HAVE SOMETHING FOR THAT." He fumbled with something behind his cape, shakily pulling out... a massive brick of dried pasta noodles. "BEHOLD, THE SPAGHETTI CAKE!" Everyone continued staring in silence...

..Except for Sans, who chuckled and walked up to Frisk. "i uh, had a feeling something like this would happen. so i called up an old friend, and told her about your birthday. i think it's only fair that you get the first slice, kiddo." Sans reached into his jacket, pulling something out. He passed it over into Frisk's hands, who began crying openly when they saw it. 

It was a cinnamon-butterscotch pie.


	22. I'm out of creative juices

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So have some poorly written fluffy stuff.

The day of the birthdate had finally arrived. And by finally arrived, I mean it was literally the day after Frisk's actual birthday. There were still spaghetti streamers hanging up and everything, as well as a smear of chocolate cake on the kitchen table. But still! Frisk had been looking forward to this ever since Sans had mentioned it; one on one time with the punny skeleton was always nice to have, and was also in short supply. So Frisk had spent hours in the bathroom trying to style their already styled hair, and had then spent twenty minutes deliberating on what to wear, despite only owning one outfit, which they'd been wearing for several months now. They eventually settled with pulling the sweatshirt Sans had given them (which still smelled like ketchup and chips, even after countless washings) over their regular striped shirt. They winked at themselves in the mirror so hard that the glass cracked down the middle. Oh yeah, there was no way Sans could resist them when they were this sizzling. They made to press a finger to their hip, but had sudden war flashbacks to what happened last time. So they instead settled for cocking their hip and flipping their hair, like Mettaton did at every possible opportunity. He was the best flamboyant uncle/big sister they could ask for. 

Several minutes later found them knocking rapidly on Sans' door, the sheer speed of their knuckles against wood producing a tiny curl of smoke. Several dozen locks were... unlocked, and the skeleton's face appeared directly in front of their fist, which continued knocking on his forehead. 

"hey, kid. all ready for your birthdate?" Sans gently lowered the hand that was threatening to crack his skull open. "i'm sure it'll be a real knockout." Sans winked triumphantly, his punning privileges having been restored. He eyed the curls of smoke rising from Frisk's fist. "well, isn't someone lookin' smoking this evening." He ignored the human's blush, taking their hand in his own and leading them down the stairs, which took roughly twenty minutes. To get halfway down. Eventually Frisk sighed and took point, dragging the skeleton along at speeds his tiny legs had never experienced before. They led him through the front door, stepping out into-

-the middle of Mettaton's newly built restaurant, simply titled 'MTT FANCY RESTAURANT'. Frisk and Sans both peered at each other in confusion. Considering that just the other night Mettaton had given all his friends the equivalent of permanent reservation passes to his restaurant, this was a very convenient turn of events. 

"did you-"

"Did I-" 

"did we-"  
"Did we-" 

They exchanged blinks. "alright then. let's not read too deeply into that." Sans pulled out a chair from a nearby table, making a sweeping gesture. "your seat... person of status." He smirked. 

Frisk bowed modestly, breaking out into giggles soon after Sans pushed their chair in for them. Sans sat opposite, and wasted no time in stuffing complementary breadsticks into his jacket. "what? i need something to keep my energy up on the way back," he clarified, after receiving a strange look from his dinner date. They nodded sagely, understanding well the need for snacks. Frisk peered at a menu that was ridiculously large with ridiculously small font, squinting at the squiggly letters. "get whatever you want, kid. my treat." Naturally, they chose the most expensive item: a 48 oz. Mettaton face steak. Sans sweated. He might have to pick up another job after this. Maybe he could try muscling in on Nice Cream Man's territory again...? 

He was broken from his thoughts by Frisk tapping the table between them. "What are you getting?" they questioned curiously. 

"probably the alfredo, with a side salad. extra ranch." He winked conspiratorially. Frisk nodded firmly, inputting both their orders into the electronic ordering tablet, summoning a pair of tiny little waiter robots to wheel out, filling up their drinks and breadstick basket while delivering their meals, all at the same time. Alphys clearly had a hand in the running of this place. "so kiddo, did you enjoy your birthday?" 

Frisk nodded excitedly, a wide smile growing on their face. "Papyrus and I danced and ate chips and had a pinata and Mettaton took me to get a makeover and burgers and we had a dance contest and brought the boogie back and me n' Alphys and Undyne made the cake and broke the supermarket!" 

Sans leaned back, a bit surprised at Frisk's verbosity. That was probably the second longest string of words the kid had ever spoken at one time. "sure sounds like you had a blast. sorry about the cake, by the way. papyrus can get a bit ahead of himself sometimes." 

Frisk shook their head lightly. "It's okay. You made up for it." 

"so, about that friend i mentioned... i'm guessing you two know each other. she made me promise to protect you, you know, and i hate making promises. if she hadn't..." Sans glanced off to the side, grin frozen in place, "you wouldn't be sitting here right now." 

Frisk very carefully set their fork down on the table. They stared down at the winking face of Mettaton Steak, ignorant to Sans' concerned stare. "So.. do you only let me stay because you made that promise?"

"kid, i'm gonna give you the bare bones truth. papyrus likes you a lot. he considers you part of the family. undyne loves having you around, even if she'd never admit it. alphys thinks of you as someone she can really be herself with. mettaton's practically adopted you at this point. and... i like you a hell of a lot, kid. promise or no promise." Sans avoided eye contact, which was why it was so surprising when he found himself with a lapful of crying human. "h-hey, you alright? was it the pun? i know it was poorly timed but-" He froze up as a pair of warm lips pressed against his forehead. 

"I love you too, Sans," Frisk whispered, tears tracking down their cheeks and a bright smile on their face. They returned to their seat before the skeleton could react, digging into their steak with determination. 

"..still too young for the bone zone. i think." Sans reacted to Frisk's bared soul the way he reacted to everything; with bad humor. 

Frisk shrugged noncommittally, dabbing at their eyes with a napkin. "Guess we'll never know." They offered a mysterious smile, stolen right from Vegetoid. 

Somewhere in the ruins, a mouthless Vegetoid was unable to properly satisfy his desire to scream. But enough about that. 

Anyway Frisk and Sans enjoyed the rest of their meal, the human only managing a quarter of their steak despite their best efforts, and the skeleton somehow managing to eat only the alfredo sauce off his chicken and pasta. Also he drank four bottles of ranch. They packed up their food in styrofoam boxes, and walked behind a nearby ficus-

-emerging back in the living room. They both stood around awkwardly, staring at everything except each other. Except for the fact that Frisk was staring directly at Sans. "Thank you for the nice dinner, Sans," they chirped cheerfully, wrapping the skeleton in a one armed hug before skipping away to put up their food in the fridge that wouldn't keep it cold anyway. Sans took the opportunity to shortcut up to his room, reapplying the several dozen locks on the door. He balanced carefully on his ball of sheets, hands stuffed in the pockets of his jacket. 

"...love you too, kid."


	23. Movie Magic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mettaton can wear a dress if he wants to.

"OH MY GOODNESS GOSH YOU GUYS," Papyrus exclaimed one morning, over a stack of slightly burnt pancakes. "METTATON'S NEW MOVIE IS PREMIERING TOMORROW NIGHT, BUT HE'S HOSTING A SPECIAL SCREENING FOR ALL OF US TONIGHT!" 

Frisk sipped calmly at their milk as Sans wiped flecks of pancake spittle off his face. "bro, why didn't you tell us that when we sat down? we've been in here for like, twenty minutes."

"I WAS GOING TO WAIT UNTIL JUST BEFORE WE WERE SUPPOSED TO LEAVE, SO THAT YOU GUYS WOULD BE EXTRA EXCITED, BUT I COULDN'T WAIT ANY LONGER!" 

"and mettaton didn't tell us himself because...?" 

Papyrus' gaping mouth snapped closed, and the unexplained flower pot on the equally unexplained window sill suddenly became very interesting. Seriously, it doesn't even look out on anything. It's just the sill. "WELL. I MEAN, WE WERE JUST TALKING, AND... IT SORT OF CAME UP. HE'S GOING TO TELL EVERYONE ELSE THIS AFTERNOON, DURING UNDYNE'S JAVELIN PRACTICE." 

"so you've been talkin' with mettaton, huh? how's it feel to finally romance your hot robo crush?" Sans and Frisk shared multiple high fives, reaching a total score of six thousand, four hundred and thirty five. 

Papyrus screamed incoherently, head whirling around like a propeller. "ABSOLUTE NONSENSE! MY FEELINGS FOR METTATON ARE OF THE FRIEND NATURE ONLY! JUST BECAUSE HE IS UNCOMFORTABLY ATTRACTIVE DOESN'T MEAN I HAVE A CRUSH ON HIM! W-WHAT ABOUT YOU, SANS!? YOU AND FRISK HAVE BEEN VERY CLOSE RECENTLY!" 

"oh yeah, we started dating like, a week ago," Sans replied casually. Frisk stared at him, stricken. 

"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-" Papyrus' head fell to the floor with a loud clatter. 

Frisk gaped, open mouthed. They shoveled in a pancake. 

"what? our dates are pretty fun, and our relation ship has been sailing smooth so far. why not keep the dating train chugging along?" 

Frisk's mouth opened and closed several times in contemplation. Or maybe they were just chewing. "..Uh. Okay." 

Papyrus' body had since fallen out of his chair, scrabbling around blindly as his head shouted directions.

"great, then it's official. i get the feeling that we've got a ton of good times in store for us. A skele-ton." Frisk and Sans both laughed jovially, patting each other everywhere all over their faces in all the places on their faces everywhere. 

"I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU TWO ARE ACTUALLY DATING! I'M SO HAPPY, I COULD CRY! BUT I COULDN'T ACTUALLY, BECAUSE BEING A COOL GUY LIKE I AM MAKES ME IMMUNE TO SUCH IMPULSES!" Tears streamed down Papyrus' skull as he carefully reattached it. 

"yeah? what's that on your face, then? it's a uh... far cry from not crying." 

"SANS, DID YOU LEAVE YOUR TEARS ON MY FACE AGAIN?! YOU KNOW I HATE IT WHEN YOU DO THAT!" 

"yeah my bad. i'll pick 'em up when you're done with them." Sans slowly shook his head at Frisk, who laughed behind their hands. 

"SEE TO IT THAT YOU DO! NOW, IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME, I HAVE TO GET DRESSED FOR THE MOVIE PREMIERE! I HAVE TO LOOK MY BEST, AFTER ALL!" Papyrus preened, cape flaring behind him. 

"right, gotta look good for your boyfriend. would you say your attraction to each other was magnetic?" Sans' grinned widened at the sound of his brother's outraged shriek, which was soon followed by pounding footsteps as Papyrus retreated to his room. 

"Do you think Papyrus and Mettaton will actually start dating?" Frisk scooted over to Papyrus' chair, picking at his pancakes. 

"eh, who knows. they're both self absorbed and self congratulatory; that could either bring them together or push them apart." Sans picked his teeth with the tines of his fork, his... dating partner squinting at him. 

"Was that another magnet pun?" 

Sans flashed a wink and a loaded finger pistol, grin stretching wide. 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A few hours later found them all standing around in the middle of the woods, watching Undyne hurl magical spears at targets. Papyrus was dressed to the nines in a full suit and tie, his jacket unbuttoned to reveal the t-shirt underneath, which read 'Bone-afide Cool Guy'. Frisk, lacking any sort of formal wear, had settled with tying their cape around their neck, along with a bowtie that they found under Sans' mattress. Even Sans himself had put in the slightest bit of effort, wearing a pullover sweater with a tuxedo print on it. 

"NGAHHH!" Undyne hurled a spear with unerring accuracy, nailing a target so hard that it exploded into splinters. "So, mind telling me why you dorks are dressed so fancy?" 

"YES INDEED, YOU SEE METTATON-!" 

"Can tell everyone himself, darling." Said robot descended from above like a robotic angel, only with rocket legs instead of wings. Alphys, who he clutched in one arm, waved meekly at everyone. Both of them were also dressed up for the occasion. Mettaton wore a daringly cut evening gown in sparkling magenta with a similarly colored top hat, and Alphys wore a floor length ball gown that was patterned with sea shells or some shit, I don't know. They both gently touched down in the snow, holding up the hems of their dresses. "You have all been invited to a special screening of my new movie, tonight!" 

"WHAT." Undyne whirled around in shock just as she was preparing to toss a spear, the deadly weapon skewering right through Mettaton's head. "...Uh. Oops." The spear quickly dissipated, leaving a gaping hole in the side of the robot's face. Alphys fainted immediately. 

"Oh, it's q-q-quite alright, d-d-d-dar-darling. Nothing that c-c-c-can't be buffed out." Mettaton's smile was more robotic than he was, his hands shaking as he gently felt around the hole in his head. "E-e-e-enti-tire-tirely fixable, my dear." He nudged his creator in the side with his foot. "Alphys, I could use your as-ass-assist-ta-tance." 

The unconscious dinosaur was quickly roused by the feeling of Mettaton's fabulous foot kicking her in the face. "R-right! We can fix it before the screening, I-I promise!" 

"W-w-w-w-wonde-wonderful news, darling! Here's the address," he flung a card at Papyrus' forehead, where it gently bounced off into his hands. "I can't wait to s-se-see you all there! Kisses!" he shouted as he took off into the air, wobbling back and forth on his ascent. 

Needless to say, javelin practice was over. 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Evening had fallen upon the Underground, which meant that everything looked the same and was at the exact same light level and nothing changed. Frisk and the skeleton brothers stepped out of one of Sans' shortcuts and in front of the cleverly named 'MTT THEATER', almost running directly into Undyne, who was still wearing the torn jeans and tank top from earlier. But she was also wearing a monocle, which allowed her to pass the fancy test. 

"Finally, you dorks showed up! They won't let me in by myself, so let's go already!" She grabbed all three of them with one arm somehow, barreling forcefully through the front door of the establishment. The main lobby was spacious and heavily decorated with pictures of Mettaton's face, as had come to be expected at this point. They stopped directly in front of the towering form of Knight Knight, who had apparently been delegated as the Theater Guardian. "Show 'em the card, Papyrus." Clearly too impatient to wait for him to do it himself, she squeezed him so hard around the uh, spine, that his tongue was propelled from his mouth, the access card that Mettaton had given them lying on top. Knight Knight carefully inspected the saliva coated card, before directing an unreadable look at the saliva dripping skeleton. She eventually unhooked the tiny velvet rope separating the from the rest of the theater. 

Before long they were all walking into theater 3, which was of surprisingly modest size. Knowing Mettaton, Frisk had expected at least six hundred seats. Speaking of the flamboyant robot, he was currently sat up near the top of the room, chatting comfortably with Alphys. Undyne was quick to put a stop to this, doing a spinning kick that propelled her across the room to crash into the seat next to Alphys. 

"SUP NERDS," she boomed directly into Alphys' ear, comfortably draping an arm around her dinosaur shoulders. Mettaton looked slightly miffed to have his no doubt important conversation interrupted, but it was soon replaced by elation as he saw Frisk, Sans, and Papyrus all walking up towards them. Several steps into the walk, Papyrus ended up having to carry his brother. 

"Oh, my wonderful friends! I'm so happy you all made it! And don't you all look lovely this evening!" He danced out of his seat, lifting Papyrus (and by extension, Sans) into the air and spinning him around. "Oh, you both look so dapper, I love it!" He carelessly tossed them over his shoulder, leaning down to be eye level with Frisk. "And don't you just look adorable! Such a little... person of status." He winked, and Frisk winked back several times in a row. "...What's wrong with your eye?" They shrugged, walking past him to settle into the seat next to an upside down Sans. "Well, I do believe the film will be starting any moment now. I hope you all enjoy!" Mettaton fluttered back to his seat, suppressing manly squeals. 

The theater dimmed as the projector spun to life, bringing color, motion, and sound to life, on the BIG SCREEN! 

The scene was dark and rainy. Thunder crackled menacingly as the heavens opened up, dousing the concrete below in a watery deluge. Standing amidst the downpour was... Mettaton, dressed very poorly for the weather in an airy summer dress and straw hat. "Oh Mettaton, my love! I cannot stand to be apart from you, no matter how forbidden our love might be!" 

Standing opposite of Mettaton was Mettaton, dressed much more appropriately in a yellow rain hat and rain slicker. "Mettaton, my darling Mettaton, I'm afraid that our love can never be!" 

"Oh. Well." They both stood silently in the rain, the camera cutting between identical close ups of their faces. There were several unnecessary zoom ins. "Shall we just be friends, then?" 

"That works for me." 

And then the scene changed to a wide angled shot of both Mettatons sloppily edited to look like they were holding hands, skipping merrily down the street as the clouds parted and a cardboard sun shone overhead. Weirdly enough, the rain didn't stop.

And then the credits rolled, Mettaton's name appearing several dozen times. Every monster in the room cheered and applauded as Mettaton humbly basked in the adulation. Except for Sans, who had fallen asleep halfway through. Frisk looked around in confusion. 

"Uh... is that it?" Every head turned to look at them. 

"Is what it, darling?" Mettaton looked mildly concerned. 

"The... the movie. Was that all?" 

"T-that was a full, feature length film, Frisk. M-Mettaton's first, actually." The robot preened. 

"But it was so... short?" Frisk shrank back, looking more unsure of themself. 

"ALL MONSTER MOVIES ARE THAT LONG, GIVE OR TAKE A FEW SECONDS! ALTHOUGH IF I HAD A MOVIE IT WOULD LAST ALL DAY, SO EVERY MORNING PEOPLE COULD WAKE UP AND PUT IT ON, AND THEN GO TO SLEEP AFTER A PRODUCTIVE DAY OF ADMIRING ME!" 

"don't ever put him in a movie," Sans said seriously to Mettaton, who nodded gravely. 

"YOU'RE JUST JEALOUS OF MY INCREDIBLE ACTING TALENTS, BROTHER!" 

And then they all raided the concessions stand.


	24. Filler Feels

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I was in a weird mood when writing this. That's my excuse for the dramatic shift in tone.

Frisk dreamed of many things. Warm summer days, and the breeze upon their face. Sunlight shimmering over water, and sand between their toes. The crunch of grass and the smell of barbeque, hot and spicy. They frowned and shifted in their sleep. The summer days all turned to ice, and the sun was no more. Sand was grit and water was frozen, and the crunch of grass was replaced by that of hard packed snow. The sound of raised voices drifted on the breeze. Skeletal hands, raised to them. The voices grew louder. 

"-UMAN, IT'S TIME TO WAKE UP! CEASE YOUR DISGRACEFULLY LONG NAPPING, FOR BREAKFAST IS UPON US!" Papyrus shook the human back and forth, cheerfully unaware of the physical and mental trauma he was causing. His reign of terror was eventually stopped as Frisk gently removed his head, tossing it away into the kitchen. They were dropped back onto the couch, the headless skeleton stumbling frantically towards his lost skull. 

Frisk lay on their back, staring quietly up at the ceiling. Before long the sound of Papyrus' triumphant 'NYEH HEH!'S became too loud to ignore, and so they slowly dragged themself into the kitchen, where a breakfast of... bacon(?) and eggs was waiting for them? Frisk marveled at what, from far away, appeared to be a well put together breakfast. But the closer they got, the farther from the truth that became. What they actually saw was that Papyrus had cooked an entire cut of bacon at once, searing the outsides black but leaving the insides raw. The eggs looked surprisingly fluffy and tasty.. or they would, were it not for the whole chunks of eggshell sticking out of them.  
Frisk pulled up a chair and sat opposite Papyrus, who was in the middle of demolishing his breakfast into scraps. They turned to look at their... dating partner, who appeared to have several pieces of burnt toast on his plate. "I uh, told him I was becoming a vegetarian," Sans explained. Frisk nodded slowly, stirring their inedible breakfast around with a fork. "you're pretty quiet this morning. moreso than usual." Frisk shrugged listlessly, trying to scrape up some egg that didn't have any shell in it. It didn't go well. 

"HUMAN, YOU SEEM GLUM! FEAR NOT; MY DELICIOUS BREAKFAST IS SURE TO CHEER YOU UP!" Papyrus flung a slice of half raw half burnt bacon at Frisk's head. He and his brother watched intently as is slowly slid down the side of their face, landing half on their plate and half on the table. Both skeletons stared at the human staring at them staring at the human. 

"uh..." 

"WELL. IF YOU'RE NOT HUNGRY, THEN I SUPPOSE THERE'S NOTHING ELSE TO BE DONE. DON'T WORRY, I SHALL WRAP YOUR BREAKFAST SO THAT YOU CAN EAT IT LATER!" Papyrus pulled out a roll of masking tape, taping every scrap of eggs and bacon to Frisk's plate before throwing it in the fridge. He then ran through the air and above the stairs, disappearing into his room for blogging purposes. 

"surprisingly, my brother was right about you lookin' down. Here," he passed them a piece of toast, "i know my brother's breakfast ain't all it's cracked up to be." He winked, receiving only a quiet 'thank you' as Frisk began nibbling on the burnt toast. "seriously kid, what's eating you?" That earned a quiet laugh, and he grinned in accomplishment. 

"I had a dream about the surface. I miss it sometimes. Not that I want to leave, or anything," they clarified hastily, seeing the unchanging look on Sans' face, "it's just.. sometimes I can't help but think about it." 

"..what's it like? the surface, i mean." Sans tried not to look too interested. 

"It's... good and bad. Not too different from the Underground in a lot of ways. Except for the sun and sky and stuff. And the humans, of course. But it's.. pretty. Very pretty. Everything is colorful and... alive. There's always something new, and things are always changing. It's... different. I miss it, but I don't know if I'd ever want to go back." 

"huh. sounds nice. change is pretty slow down here, as i'm sure you've noticed. without you around, we'd all still be doing the same things we've always done. maybe that's the real difference between humans and monsters." Sans crunched his toast thoughtfully. "uh, so... probably pretty shi-uh, bad of me not to ask you this before, but.. do you have anyone waiting for you up there?" 

Frisk didn't move. "You don't have to treat me like a little kid, you know." They didn't meet Sans' eyes, hair hanging in their face. 

"i'm dating you, aren't i?" 

"Exactly." 

Sans scratched the back of his vertebrae awkwardly. "...i'm not really good with this sort of stuff, ki-...frisk. hey, uh, how about we head over to grillby's, get some real breakfast? my treat." 

Frisk slowly rose from their chair, leaving behind a half eaten piece of toast. "I think I just want to go back to bed," they murmured, just above a whisper. Sans made no move to stop them as they shuffled out of the living room, burying themself in the blanket on the couch.

"sure. uh, maybe later, okay? ...sleep well, frisk." 

Frisk dreamed of only two things; a painfully familiar voice, and familiarly painful hands.


	25. Skeletal Recovery System

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stuff happens I dunno.

Sans and Papyrus both sat upon a woefully undersized stool, wobbling back and forth as they stared intently at a sleeping Frisk. They exchanged several meaningful looks in a row, before Papyrus gently reached out an arm, preparing to rouse the slumbering human. "FRISK, IT IS I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS! YOU CAN TELL FROM THE VOLUME AND RICHNESS OF MY VOICE! I AM SHAKING YOU AWAKE, SO THAT MY BROTHER AND I CAN TAKE YOU OUT TO MANY FUN ACTIVITIES THAT WILL CHEER YOU UP! AND BY MANY, I MEAN TWO!" 

Frisk was awake after the first word. They glared blearily up at the perpetually grinning skeletons, rubbing their eyes with both hands. "Go away. I wanna sleep," they mumbled. 

"sorry friend, no can do. you're in a slump, and lying down isn't gonna get you on your feet." Sans waited for his triple threat of puns to strike home, only to recieve a heaving sigh from the human. Both skeletons watched as Frisk sloooooowly crawled out from under their blanket, turning as they stomped sleepily up the stairs and into the bathroom. "i think that went well."

"INDEED! THE HUMAN SEEMS ABSOLUTELY THRILLED BY OUR PLAN! OH, I CAN'T WAIT UNTIL THEY SEE WHAT WE HAVE IN STORE FOR THEM! LITERALLY. WE'RE LEAVING NOW." Papyrus shot up from the ground like a surface to air missile, smoke and flames billowing out of his feet as he crashed into the bathroom door, inches away... from a shirtless Frisk. 

After much screeching and breaking of bones, the three of them were all stood around the front door, Frisk simmering in irritation and embarrassment. Nobody made eye contact as Sans wheeled Papyrus out the door-

-and into a crowded pizza joint, filled with arcade machines and a massive play place. A sign on the wall read 'Papa Pepperoni's Pizza Party Plaza Palace', with an image of a winking cartoon pizza underneath it. They all walked over to a nearby table and sat down. And by that, I mean Sans wheeled Papyrus with one hand and dragged Frisk with the other, dumping his brother's pile of bones into a chair and carelessly tossing his wheelchair out the window before he forcibly sat Frisk down. "Welcome to Papa Pepperoni's Pizza Party Plaza Palace, I'm Patriko and I will be your server for this evening," spoke a greasy, amorphous monster with a horrifically bloated head. Like, touching the ceiling. "Can I start you off with a pepperoni pizza? I hope so, because it's the only thing on the menu." 

"yeah we'll have three," Sans spoke, holding up three fingers for extra emphasis. He preemptively threw a handful of G at the server, the golden coins sinking into the monster's massive head with a strange squelching noise. 

"Excellent choice. I'll be back with your pizza shortly." Tiny feet sprouted out of the top of the monster's head, walking it across the ceiling and out of the story forever, the pizza magically appearing on their table because why not. 

"NYEH HEH! COME, LET US DELIGHT IN THE DEVOURING OF GREASY DISGUSTINGNESS!" Papyrus, who had just finished reassembling himself, grabbed a slice of pizza and rubbed it against his teeth like he was grating cheese. Tiny curls of greasy pizza dropped into his lap. "WOWIE! IF I HAD ANY ORGANS, THEY'D SURELY BE SHUTTING DOWN BY NOW!" 

Frisk eyed their pizza moodily and also warily, watching as the grease ate holes through the metal serving dish. 

"not hungry? how about some games? i'm sure papyrus would be happy to play wit-" 

"EXCELLENT IDEA, BROTHER! COME HUMAN, WE SHALL PARTAKE IN THE MERRIMENT! DO YOU WISH TO JOIN US, SANS?" 

"i'd love to, but this pizza is calling my name." Sans stuffed several slices into his coat, as well as his mouth. 

"HOW UTTERLY DISGUSTING! COME ALONG FRISK, LET US LEAVE SANS TO HIS GROSS GORGING, AND PLAY SOME VIDEO GAMES!" Papyrus grabbed Frisk by the head, shooting them from downtown to land in front of a battered arcade cabinet titled 'Xerblarg's Revengining'. It was a tile puzzle game. Papyrus lined them up with dozens of different mediocre games, including 'Dingo Dango Dongo', 'Ship Blast Extreme YAY', 'YAY Blasting Extreme Ships', 'Mettaton's Medical Malady', and last but not least, 'Surface Settler 3D: Genocide Edition'. Frisk wasn't interested in any of them. Eventually they slipped away from the easily distracted skeleton, leaving him to play Skiing Ball as they returned to the table, where Sans had eaten nine tenths of the pizza. 

"hey kid. better grab some pizza before it's all gone." Frisk said nothing, simply sitting down and staring down at the table. "not up for pizza or games, huh?" They gently shook their head. "that's okay, cuz' i know you'll like what we have planned next. papyrus, c'mon, let's go!" he called in the exact same tone of voice he always spoke in. But it was enough to reach his brother's lack of ears, and Papyrus soon came running at them, diving into his chair and knocking over the table, even though it had been bolted to the floor. 

"PAPYRUS IS HERE AND READY FOR ACTION!" He jumped up to his feet, hands planted firmly on the sides of his pelvis as his cape flared dramatically behind him. Frisk hid a smile behind their hand, but Sans was all over that shit, because he has the sockets of a skeleton hawk. 

"i can see that. mind giving the human a lift? they look bone tired." Frisk glared at him without any venom, a pout on their face as they were sat upon Papyrus' shoulders. They walked out of the greasy pizza pit-

-and out into the sparkling caverns of Waterfall, where a moderately sized crowd of monsters was waiting. Frisk openly marveled at the crystal encrusted ceiling and the glowing bulbs of the echo flowers. The three of them worked their way into the crowd, which appeared to be gathered around a small stage, atop which was Napstablook, looking as somber and apathetic as usual.

"Hey everyone... I uh, guess I'm going to play some music for you? I guess..." Napstablook floated listlessly before the cheering audience, eyes watering. "Gee, I'm glad you guys... are so excited." Rather than glad, they looked faintly horrified. "Well... let's listen to some music, I guess..." The audience continued cheering, Papyrus' screams of excitement greatly elevating the volume level. Napstablook floated slowly towards his mixing board, preparing to start the music. There was a few beats of nothing as the crowd quieted down. Then, silence. "Oh.. oh geez..." Napstablook stared down at the numerous sliders and dials and buttons on their mixing board, remembering that they didn't have hands. "Uh.. sorry, I guess the concert is over. I'm really sorry for disappointing everyone. ...You can all go home now." The sight of the poor, armless ghost giving up like that... it filled Frisk with determination for the first time that day. They used their position on Papyrus' shoulders to their advantage, grabbing onto his skull and steering him towards the stage. With a confused 'NYEH?' he complied, his tall, broad stature making it easy for him to part the crowd  
.  
Frisk hopped up onto the stage, much to the confusion of all the onlookers. They smiled faintly at the melancholy ghost, settling behind the mixing board. "Just tell me what to do."

"Oh... oh gee, you'd... do that for me? Well, I guess the... the show must go on... everyone, get ready, for some tunes, or something..." Napstablook hovered over Frisk's shoulder as the crowd went wild, cheers practically drowning out the instructions the ghost gave to them. Before long came sounds unlike any that had ever been heard before. Mellow and soothing and artificial, it thrummed with an organic heat, yet spoke of absolute cold. It painted a picture of unknowns both near and far; shadowed moons and the space between stars, and the darkness that lingered in the crawlspace under the porch. The crowd was silent. Two hours of celestial exploration and introspection into the darkness of the soul followed. Frisk turned dials and moved slides and pressed buttons with unerring aptitude, Napstablook's whispered instructions heard only by them. 

A final few bleak notes hummed, and then the concert area was blanketed in silence. And then the audience was roaring and clapping and cheering, all for Napstablook. Frisk offered the stunned ghost a friendly smile before climbing back off the stage, wandering between bodies to find the skeleton brothers. They smiled up at the two, grabbing both their hands and leading them out of the crowd. 

"well, you certainly seem in a better mood," Sans pointed out, on the way back to Snowdin. 

"INDEED. I KNEW OUR INCREDIBLY BRILLIANT PLAN WOULD WORK! BUT UH, WHAT PART OF IT IS THE ONE THAT WORKED BEST?" 

Frisk shrugged one shoulder, smile never leaving their face. "I guess I needed to help someone else before realizing how much it meant that you were trying to help me. ...Thanks." Frisk stopped a moment to hug both skeleton brothers, tugging Papyrus down by his cape to properly wrap an arm around his neck. 

"WE WILL ALWAYS BE THERE TO HELP YOU, HUMAN! WHETHER YOU WANT IT OR NOT!"

"you literally can't get rid of us. we're like leeches between your toes, and somebody glued clogs to your feet. ...that was a bad metaphor, but you know what i mean." 

Frisk looked equal parts disgusted and charmed. They pressed a kiss to the side of Sans' skull before releasing the skellies, a warm little smile on their face. 

Then they went home and stuffed their faces with pizza.


	26. I don't even know

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Inspiration is hard to come by.

Sans, Papyrus, and Frisk were all totally vegging out, staring bleary eyed at the television as Mettaton's face took up sixty percent of the screen. Popcorn kernels were scattered across the couch cushions and their faces, which were also coated in buttery goodness. Frisk made an animal noise as they reached for the popcorn bowl, and Papyrus screeched in response. Sans snored, knocking the bowl over with his slumber flailing. There was a brief kerfuffle as Papyrus and Frisk battled over the remaining popcorn kernels, bones flying all over the place. One knocked out a window, and another knocked over the incredibly suspicious flower pot that rested on the incredibly unnecessary windowsill. The sound of ceramic cracking against tile gave them all pause, and one set of eyes met along with four sockets. They blinked back and forth at each other for several minutes. 

"so are we actually doing anything today? don't get me wrong, i love lying around as much as the next guy, but... that's all we've been doing for almost a week."

"INDEED, WE HAVE BEEN QUITE A BUNCH OF LAZYBONES LATELY. IF ONLY SOMEONE WERE AROUND TO FREE US OF OUR INTENSE BOREDOM." They all sat still, waiting. 

"...YEEEES. IF ONLY. SOMEONE. WOULD APPEAR. SO THAT THINGS COULD HAPPEN. ...ANY MINUTE NOW." Papyrus crossed his arms and tapped his foot impatiently. 

"bro, i don't think anyone's comin'. let's just order a pizza or somethin' instead." Sans already had Frisk's phone in hand, the human resting lazily against his side as he dialed for 'Gorma Paula's Gourmet Pizza'. As soon as he pressed the call button, a trio of pizza boxes were flung through their broken window. Frisk threw a handful of G outside. 

"I WON'T ACCEPT THIS.. THIS... MEDIOCRITY! THE GREAT PAPYRUS LIVES A LIFE OF EXCITEMENT AND INTRIGUE! YOU TWO MAY LOAF AROUND LIKE A COUPLE OF PUMPERNICKELS IF YOU SO WISH, BUT I DREAM OF BIGGER, GRANDER THINGS!" Papyrus spread his arms wide, showering the floor with sparkles that Frisk would have to vacuum up later. 

"sounds good to me. you have fun with that. frisk and i will ketchup with you later." Sans winked at the delicious pizza that he was eating, looking mildly startled when it winked back. He hastily devoured the possibly sentient slice of pizza. 

"UGH! YOU TWO ARE SUCH... SUCH...! BOONDOGGLERS! IT FILLS ME WITH DISGUST AND OTHER FEELINGS OF NOT LIKINGITUDE! YOU TWO SIT THERE AND FERMENT IN YOUR PIZZA GREASE; I'LL JUST GO HANG OUT WITH UNDYNE!" Papyrus marched imperiously out the front door, stepping into the blizzard that raged outside. He returned moments later, covered in icicles.

"what's wrong? got cold feet?" Sans lazily high fived his dating partner, strings of greasy cheese connecting their fingers. 

"...UNDYNE IS BUSY NOT BEING OUT IN A SNOW STORM. AND SO AM I, COINCIDENTALLY ENOUGH." He flumped back over onto the couch, draping one ridiculously long arm over both Sans and Frisk's shoulders. "OH, MY DEAR BROTHER AND DEAR FRIEND HUMAN, WHATEVER SHALL WE DO, TRAPPED INDOORS BY THIS STORM?" 

"pretty dramatic today. but hey, it's snow problem. we'll just hang out, have a good time together." Sans patted the side of his brother's face several times in a row. He continued doing so until Papyrus forcibly removed his hand. 

"STOP THAT. YOU KNOW I HATE IT WHEN YOU DO THAT WEIRD HAND THING. ESPECIALLY WHEN IT HAPPENS IN OR AROUND MY FACE!" 

"It's how he shows affection," Frisk remarked quietly, picking pepperonis off their pizza slice to eat individually. 

"R..REALLY? OH, SANS, I LOVE YOU TOO, DEAR BROTHER!" Papyrus lifted the smaller skeleton up off the couch, shaking him violently back and forth. Sans' skull went flying off out the window, his body hanging limp in Papyrus' grasp. 

"don't get ahead of yourself with the affection, bro. it'll all go to my head," he snarked, barely audible amongst the raging storm. "say, someone wanna give me a hand? i'm getting a headcold out here." Papyrus kicked the front door out of the way to begin daringly rescuing his brother, which involved carefully picking his head up out of the snow and screwing it back onto his body like a lightbulb.  
Sans patted his face a few times to make sure everything was in order. "thanks for the assist bro."

"ANYTIME, BROTHER! AND HEY, THAT KILLED A FEW MINUTES! MAYBE WE COULD REMOVE THE HUMAN'S HEAD NEXT?" Frisk subtly sank beneath the couch cushions. "HEY, WHERE DID THEY GO? DON'T THEY KNOW WE NEED THEM TO ALLEVIATE OUR BOREDOM?" 

"i uh, don't think human heads work the same way ours do." 

"NONSENSE, WHY WOULDN'T THEY?"

"because humans aren't skeletons?" 

"HMMM... YOU MAKE A FAIR POINT, SANS, BUT THERE IS ONLY ONE WAY TO TEST THIS THEORY!" Papyrus ripped away the couch cushions with one hand, the other spinning like a bone saw. Frisk squealed in terror and ran for the stairs, Papyrus hot on their tail which they had for some reason. "FEAR NOT, HUMAN! I AM A PROFESSIONAL PRETEND SURGEON, AND I CAN PRETEND TO GUARANTEE THAT THIS PROCEDURE WILL BE ENTIRELY PAINLESS!" 

"bro come on, there's a reason you never made it through medical school!" Sans slowly shuffled after them, slippers scruffing against the carpet. Frisk and Papyrus ran in circles around the room as Sans slowly spun in place, attempting to keep up. His empty sockets of infinite darkness and terror tracked their patterns, and at just the right moment, Sans stuck out his hand... and delivered an incredibly potent static shock to his brother, shocking him... down to the bone. No but actually it fried Papyrus so bad that he fell on the ground, twitching sporadically. "well, looks like all he needed was a shock to the system." 

And then Frisk and Sans both laughed merrily as Papyrus spasmed uncontrollably for the rest of the day. Also the snow storm collapsed the house on top of them and they all died. Probably.


	27. Holly Jolly Skeletons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Papyrus likes yelling and possibly other things too.

"CHRIIIIIIIISTMAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSS," was the jolly sound that rang through the skeleton brothers' household one morning. The soothing sound of Papyrus screeching into a crackly megaphone was enough to break every glass object in the house, as well as every ceramic object. And everything made of wood or metal, too. Frisk had a fraction of a second to appreciate the glorious sound before their head popped like a grape. Papyrus ran into the living room with his brother tucked under his arm, prepared to deliver his Christmas related monologue to his favorite human, only to find a splattered mess on the couch. "...CAN WE FIX THAT?" 

1:52 AM, so said the cable box. Frisk wasn't sure why they were awake so early, but they had a splitting headache and the faintest feeling that it was Papyrus' fault. They groaned and rolled over, pressing their face into the skull patterned pillow that Sans had given them. Frisk wasn't sure where he kept finding all his skeleton themed paraphernalia, but it was probably better not to question such things. Knowing deep down that they would get no peace that night, they slowly crept off the couch and tumble rolled up the stairs, which lead to many head injuries. Dazed and disoriented, the sounds of Papyrus' muffled screams and cackles buzzed in and out of focus. They crawled pitifully through the rough carpet fibers, getting closer and closer to their savior. Finally, they made it. With the last of their failing strength, they slapped their open palm against Sans' door. Just as the world went black, they heard the creaking of hinges. 

Some time later, consciousness faded in. The world came back in splotches, inky nothings fitting together to paint the picture of a dark bedroom. They groaned and tried to roll over... falling off of Sans' balled up sheets and landing on the floor. 

"pretty sure that's the opposite of what you should be doing, pal." Sans shuffled across the carpet, hands in his pockets as he stared down at the prone form of Frisk. "so what's up, anyway? you kinda passed out outside of my room." 

"Papyrus... kill...!" Frisk gasped dramatically, flopping on the ground like a dying fish. Sans' eye lit up like ball lightning, errant pulses of blue magick lighting the room in strobes.

"why don't we try that one again." Sans raised an arm with herculean effort, floating the human off the ground and dropping them onto his bare mattress. 

"Papyrus is gonna kill me," Frisk replied shakily, remembering very vividly what had happened the last time Sans had used his powers on them. 

"oh. well, that makes a lot more sense. except not really, because papyrus would never hurt you. on purpose, at least. ...okay, now it makes sense. so, what makes you say that?" Sans settled onto the mattress next to them, springs squealing in protest. He glared down at them with a wide grin, and they quickly quieted down. 

"I uh... just have a feeling that he will?" Frisk tried, a nervous smile twitching on their face. 

"well he hasn't killed you yet. that i know of, at least." Sans smiled mysteriously. 

At home, a mouthless Vegetoid was hastily writing to his lawyer. 

"Well, yeah, I guess you're right... I just have a really bad feeling. And a really bad headache," they pouted. 

"you poor tortured creature. tell you what; since i doubt you'll let me sleep for the rest of the night, how about we just hang out downstairs, watch some boob tube?" 

Frisk slapped their hands over their ears, cheeks reddening. How scandalous! 

"no, that's not what that means." Sans sighed, and rolled his... nothing. "i meant watch television. can we just do that?" 

"Yeah, sure!" They chirped brightly, taking the skeleton's hand in their own and judo flipping him out the door and over the banister. He landed on the floor with a groan, which became a wheeze when Frisk hopped down on top of him. 

"ugh, frisk... i don't have the backbone for these kinds of shenanigans-"

"DID SOMEBODY SAY SHENANIGANS!?" The audience clapped and cheered as Papyrus leaned out of his door, grinning and waggling the eyebrows that he didn't have. "THAT'S RIGHT! I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, HAVE JUST HEARD MY TRIGGER WORD!" He leapt up into the air and swan dived down the stairs, crashing into his brother and the human. "SO, MY WONDERFUL COMPATRIOTS, WHAT SORT OF ZANY NONSENSE ARE WE GETTING UP TO AT THIS TIME OF NIGHT?" He beamed down at the pair, taking their groans as a sign to continue speaking very loudly. "PERHAPS WE MIGHT PLAY SOME 'REBATE RUMBLE'? OH, OR HOW ABOUT 'KITCHEN CALAMITY'? I CALL THE SPAGHETTI PIECE!" Papyrus jumped up onto his feet, dancing across the room to retrieve an old, battered board game from the transient closet (THAT'S WHERE I KEEP ALL MY IMPERMANENT OBJECTS!) and slam dunk it on the floor. He carefully removed a tiny plastic plate of pasta, cradling it in his arms. It fell between his radius and ulna, and he screeched in panic. 

"bro, can you possibly bone down the volume? there's a reason we don't have neighbors anymore." Sans had finally recovered from his fall, patting the back of his skull to check for cracks. When none were found he rolled over to inspect the human, finding them unconscious but unharmed. Figuring that they deserved to partake in this torment as well, he roughly shook them awake. "up and at 'em buttercup. we've got some kitchen calamities in our future." 

Papyrus' sockets narrowed at Sans' words. "HMM... 'FUTURE'... WHY IS THAT IMPORTANT.. OH MY GOD, SANS, FRISK! IT'S ALMOST-" he fumbled for a megaphone, flipping it on with a whining crackle and clearing his... vertebrae, "CHRIIIII-" Frisk sprang into action, slapping the megaphone out of Papyrus' hands and toppling him over onto the floor. "ACK, I AM UNDER ATTACK BY THE HUMAN! OH, I KNEW THIS DAY WOULD COME!" 

"pretty sure they just don't want you to blow their head off, papyrus." He gently lifted Frisk up by the back of their shirt, depositing them in front of the board game. "now, let's use our inside voices." 

"RIGHT YOU ARE, SANS! INSIDE VOICES ARE MOST APPROPRIATE WHEN YOU ARE INSIDE OF SOMETHING; LIKE A HOUSE, OR A BOX, OR UNDYNE'S CAGE!" Sans opened his mouth to comment- "NOW, AS I WAS SAYING; IT'S ALMOST CHRISTMAS! WE MUST DO EVERYTHING IN OUR POWER TO PREPARE FOR THE MOST JOLLY TIME OF YEAR! PRESENTS, COOKIES, ORNAMENTS, SANTA!!!" Papyrus squealed like a newborn piglet, wiggling wildly in place. 

Frisk had begun looking more awake as Papyrus spoke; a natural reaction. "Wait, you guys celebrate Christmas down here?" 

"uh, yeah. didn't you see the tree out in the center of town, and the decorations on our house? papyrus makes me keep 'em up year round." 

"WELL OF COURSE WE HAVE TO KEEP THEM UP ALL THE TIME; WHO KNOWS WHEN SANTA MIGHT SHOW UP? IF WE ARE NOT FESTIVE ENOUGH, HE MIGHT NOT DELIVER PRESENTS TO US!" 

"he only comes once a year-"

"OHO, THAT'S WHAT THEY WANT YOU TO BELIEVE, BROTHER! BUT I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW THAT I'VE SEEN SANTA IN THE MIDDLE OF SPRING ONE TIME! HE WAS OUT GROCERY SHOPPING, AND HE RAN AWAY WHEN I ASKED HIM IF HE HAD GOTTEN MY LETTER YET! CLEARLY HE WAS NOT YET PREPARED. BUT I AM, AND ALWAYS WILL BE!" 

Frisk and Sans shared a concerned look. "But.. Christmas isn't for over two weeks. Isn't it a little early to be preparing?" 

"NONSENSE! CHRISTMAS IS ENTIRELY APPROPRIATE AT ANY TIME OF YEAR! WE MUST REMAIN VIGILANT AT ALL TIMES!" Papyrus spun in a circle, moving faster and faster! Before long he was nothing but a red and white blur, the room lighting up with bubblegum pink and aqua blue. Sans and Frisk both covered their eyes as Papyrus flashed a brilliant white, revealing....!!!!!! Still Papyrus, except wearing reindeer antlers and a hideously ugly Christmas sweater. "THE HOLLY JOLLY PAPYRUS IS READY FOR ACTION!" He posed dramatically, twirling twin candy cane sabers. Frisk clapped in disbelief. Sans appeared to be sleeping. "I KNOW, I KNOW, VERY IMPRESSIVE. BUT PLEASE, HOLD YOUR APPLAUSE. OR DON'T!" 

"So... what exactly are we doing for Christmas?"

"WHY, HAVING A CHRISTMAS PARTY, OF COURSE! WE SHALL HAVE A SECRET SANTA BECAUSE PRESENT GIVING IS HARD ENOUGH ALREADY. AND THERE WILL BE MANY DELICIOUS TREATS, AND A TREE AND CANDY CANES AND TINY ELF STATUETTES AND WE CAN BAKE A CHRISTMAS HAM AND PEPPERMINT FLAVORED SPAGHETTI AND-" Papyrus continued babbling about increasingly bizarre things of a vaguely Christmas-y nature as Frisk slowly crawled over to Sans. 

"Does this sort of thing usually happen?" they whispered, keeping one eye on the taller skeleton. 

"oh yeah, he always goes crazy about christmas. it's just that he's only had me and undyne to drag into it before. with you and mettaton and alphys around, i get the feeling he's gonna go absolutely crazy. get ready for one ho-ho-horribly overdone christmas special, kiddo."


	28. Preemptive Preparations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Candy spaghetti.

The skeleton crew was sat around the kitchen table the next morning, Sans and Frisk watching silently as Papyrus grated candy canes into a bowl. After several agonizing minutes of this, Frisk finally spoke up. 

"So... Christmas is still two weeks away. Why exactly are you doing this now?" 

"SILLY HUMAN; ONE MUST TEST A RECIPE BEFORE COOKING IT FOR OTHERS! PEPPERMINT SPAGHETTI IS A YET UNEXPLORED BRANCH OF THE PASTA FAMILY TREE! IT MUST BE ABSOLUTELY PERFECT WHEN I SERVE IT TO ALL MY WONDERFUL FRIENDS! AND YOU TWO WILL BE MY TASTE TESTERS!" Papyrus beamed obliviously as horror fell upon Frisk like a lead weight. 

"H-HEY! I uh, just remembered that... Mettaton! Invited me over to hang out with him and Alphys today gee I'd sure love to help out but I should get going I'll be back soon okay see ya-" And then they practically vanished out the front door, hastily scrolling down their list of contacts. Sans would have looked betrayed, but he was too busy sleeping. 

Mettaton picked up on the first ring, because he had no chill. "Oh, darling~! It's been so long since we've spoken last! Though distance grows between us, like stars in the night we shine ever brighter so that we might not lose our way-" 

"Yes, stars in the night, very poetic. Listen, can you pick me up? Papyrus is trying a new spaghetti recipe and he wants me to taste test." 

Mettaton gasped in horror for several seconds. Frisk waited patiently for him to run out of air, only to remember that he was a robot. "Of course, my dear! I shall bring you to the safest refuge I know of! Just keep talking, darling! Let me hear your wonderful voice so that I know you are still alive!" He cried heaving robo tears over the phone for the entire duration of Frisk's wait.

Eventually he could be seen descending from the sky, gyrating and crying at the same time. Frisk was mildly disturbed by the sight of it. Finally the robot touched down beside them, posing dramatically. "Oh my dearest heart, you are alive! I was so worried when I didn't hear you speaking to me!" Mettaton gathered the human up in his vinyl clad arms, shaking them back and forth in relief. 

Frisk wheezed for breath, lightly pounding a fist against Mettaton's sculpted chest. Just before they were sure that blissful unconsciousness would be upon them, Mettaton dropped them back into the snow. 

"Well, enough of that. Come, my dear, let us abscond from this hive of mediocre pasta preparation!" He picked the human up off the ground by a leg, blasting off into the air with actual rocket feet. They soared high in the sky like majestic birds, like an albatross, or a parakeet. Both of which coincidentally splattered across Mettaton's face as he flew, forcing him to use his newly installed wipers to clean off his beautiful face. He gave Frisk a quick shake to clean them of any leftover bird residue. Eventually the snow of snow...land, gave way to the waters of Waterfall, and then the horrible burning death lava of Hotland. They touched down outside the front door of Alphys' lab, Mettaton playing a recording of someone knocking on a metal door because he didn't want to scuff his knuckles. 

The doors slid open with a hydraulic hiss, a pointed dinosaur face peeking through. "O-oh hey, Mettaton... and Frisk. W-what's the occasion?" 

"Oh, 'tis a tragic tale indeed, my dear. Poor Frisk had been cruelly subjected to the whims of the Great and Terrible Papyrus, master of below average quality pasta. Luckily, I was only a phone call away, and came to their rescue in a flash." Mettaton had leapt into at least thirty seven different poses as he spoke, looking more like he was doing an interpretive dance than anything. 

Alphys watched on placidly, waiting for the robot to calm down. When they were finally just all staring at one another (except Frisk, who was held upside down and thus forced to stare at the ground) she spoke up. "Well, that c-certainly sound like a um... trying predicament. Mettaton, should you really be holding them like that..?" The awkward yellow dinosaur pointed to the red faced Frisk, prompting a horrified gasp from Mettaton. He flipped them up into the air like a raw pizza crust, catching them squarely on his palm. 

"Oh, my dear Frisk, can you ever forgive me for my wrongdoings?!?!" Mettaton waited for a few moments, beaming brightly when the delirious human gave him a thumbs up. He rolled them into the lab like a bowling ball, dusting off his hands. "Now that that's out of the way, I must take my leave. I need to film my latest episode of 'Little Lawsuits', the show where children bring each other to court for schoolyard disputes. Ta-ta, darlings!" Mettaton blasted off without another word, leaving Alphys standing awkwardly in her doorway and Frisk lying dazed in a pile of empty poptato chisp bags. The two made eye contact, Alphys smiling nervously.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Meanwhile, at the skeleton household, Undyne had just finished kicking down the door after receiving a frantic call from Papyrus about the lord of dorks running off somewhere. "Alright chumps, when'd you last see the twerp?" 

"OH UNDYNE, I'M SO GLAD YOU'RE HERE! FRISK JUST RAN OFF WITHOUT A WORD, AND I WAS TOO HEARTBROKEN TO ACT IN TIME!" Papyrus didn't look particularly heartbroken, probably because skeletons don't have facial muscles. 

"bro, they literally said they were hanging out with mettaton. gee, you must have had a metta-ton of cotton in your ears." Sans raised his hand for a high five, wilting slightly when he realized Frisk wasn't there to join him in merry laughter. "oh i'm sad now." 

Undyne wasn't pleased. She crossed her arm and tapped a boot against the floor impatiently. "So, let me get this straight. You call me up at seven in the morning to tell me that the kid has run off to parts unknown, when they were just going to hang out with the drama queen?" Undyne took a deep breath, and counted to ten, just like Alphys had taught her. 

"WELL... YES. THAT IS THE EXACT SITUATION WE FIND OURSELVES IN! BUT EVEN IF FRISK HASN'T RUN AWAY, RIPPING OUT OUR METAPHORICAL HEARTS IN THE PROCESS, I STILL NEED SOMEONE TO HELP TASTE TEST MY NEW RECIPE!" 

Undyne literally exploded. However, her sheer determination to yell at Papyrus kept her from painting the room with chum, and she quickly reformed into one piece. "UGH, YOU ARE SUCH A BONEHEAD! WHY CAN'T YOU JUST GET SANS TO TASTE IT FOR YOU?!" She gestured wildly at the stocky skeleton, who had fallen asleep at the table. 

"THAT SACK OF BONES? HE COULDN'T TELL A LINGUINE FROM A RIGATONI EVEN IF THEY WERE LABELED FOR HIS CONVENIENCE! I NEED SOMEONE WITH A REFINED PALATE AND A PASSION FOR PASTA! UNFORTUNATELY, WITHOUT FRISK AROUND, THAT JUST LEAVES YOU." 

"You sure know how to make a girl feel special." Undyne rolled her eye, stomping across the living room and into the kitchen. She hip checked Sans out of his chair and took his spot, resting her feet up on the table. "So what exactly are you making that's so important?" 

"PEPPERMINT SPAGHETTI!" Papyrus beamed. "I WANTED IT TO BE A SURPRISE FOR CHRISTMAS, BUT UNFORTUNATELY CIRCUMSTANCES AM CHANGED. JUST PROMISE ME THAT YOU WON'T LET ANYONE ELSE KNOW ABOUT IT!" Papyrus adopted a pleading expression, which mostly involved him getting down on his knees and clasping his hands in front of his permanent grin. 

"Yeah, whatever, I promise. So, peppermint spaghetti... are you just adding peppermint leaves, or-" 

Papyrus looked absolutely horrified. "ABSOLUTELY NOT! THAT IS HEATHENTRY!" 

"I don't think that's a word-" 

"IF IT WASN'T A WORD I WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO SPEAK IT! NOW, AS I WAS SAYING, I PLAN TO ADD SHAVED CANDY CANES TO IT!" 

Undyne blinked. Then she blinked again. Not to say she hadn't been blinking before, it's just that she was doing it as a reaction instead of it being involuntary. "You're kidding right? What am I saying, of course you aren't. Alright, lay it on me." She stared flatly at the skeleton as he laid a plate of spaghetti covered in curls of shaved peppermint on her legs. She glared hard at it, the plate rattling in terror. In a single decisive move she kicked the plate up into the air, catching every last noodle in her mouth as the cleaned plate landed directly on Sans' head. 

Or it would have, if he were actually there. Both Papyrus and Undyne stared at the broken plate on the ground. Well, Papyrus stared. Undyne just kind of seized up and clutched at her throat. 

"HMM. WHERE IN THE WORLD COULD MY LAZYBONES BROTHER HAVE GONE?" Papyrus stroked his chin contemplatively as his bestest fish friend fell to the floor. 

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Frisk and Alphys were sat on the floor in front of the monitor that the good doctor had been using to spy on the human, both of them eating from ramen cups with cheap plastic chopsticks as they watched teh animays. Their eyes were glassy and bloodshot as they stared intently at the screen, never blinking or looking away.

And that was how Sans found them as he took a shortcut to the entrance of the lab, strolling casually in through the high security door. "hey frisk, the coast is clear back at hq. thanks for having them over dr. alphys-" 

"SHHHHHH," both Alphys and Frisk hissed. Frisk continued, eyes never moving. "Saaans! Can't you see that Princess Pulverizer is about to confess her feelings to the mysterious Professor Putrescent, also known as the Baron of Body Odor?" 

"uhh... right. i'll pretend i understood that. i guess i'll just... wait here until you're done with your animazing show-" he was cut off as a robotic arm emerged from the floor, grabbing him around the skull and placing him beside Alphys and Frisk. He chuckled nervously as Frisk grabbed his hand, effectively anchoring him in front of the screen. And that was how he found himself watching the adventures of Princess Pulverizer, the princess that was also a murderbot designed to smash things into tiny pieces, for six hours straight. 

Oh and also Undyne survived. Hooray!


	29. The Setup

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things may or may not happen!

Alphys, Mettaton, and Undyne were all sat around a squat little coffee table, each of them enjoying a cup of tea like a couple of civilized monsters. They all quietly took turns with the sipping of their drinks, teacups falling and rising in rhythm. Their circle of tea drinking was soon ended as Undyne slammed her teacup against the table, pulverizing it into powder. 

"OKAY, enough of that. Alphys, why are we here?"

"I'd like to know as well, darling. It's unlike you to call us up without good reason." Mettaton raised his pinkie as he lifted his empty teacup, delicately sipping imaginary tea from it. 

"O-oh, well..." Alphys wrung her claws nervously. "I uh, got a letter this morning. F-from King Asgore. It was an invite to a Christmas ball, being held at the end of the month. He's... from what I've gathered, he's planning to invite the whole kingdom." 

"Oooh, a party hosted by THE King Asgore? Live coverage could provide just the boost my ratings need.." 

Undyne frowned lightly, which she was basically always doing. "Did he say why he was going all out? I mean, usually it's just you, me, and him eating cookies and drinking hot cocoa."

The robotic TV host, stroked his perfect chin thoughtfully. "Now that you say it out loud, it does seem a bit odd that he'd pull such an extravagant stunt after years of radio silence. But... perhaps he just feels that it's time to reconnect with the people," he suggested optimistically. 

"U-unfortunately, I don't believe the circumstances to be quite so benign." Alphys closed her eyes and sighed deeply. "Frisk has been with us for several months now, yes?" 

"Yeah, the twerp's been shacking up with Sans and Papyrus since the spring. But what does that matter?" Undyne faintly felt a wash of dread. 

"W-well, they've been around for a while, and we certainly haven't been... quiet, about their presence. They've sort of.. made a name for themself on social media, whether they intended to or not. And people have been talking." Alphys removed her glasses and rubbed the bridge of her snout, looking worn. "King Asgore is not unobservant. He's heard of them, without a doubt. And... I believe... that the day of the Christmas ball is... when he plans to break the Barrier."   
Mettaton gasped in shock, secretly beaming in pride over Alphys' use of dramatic tension. 

"And.. what's the big deal?" Undyne cut in, single handedly destroying said dramatic tension. "We just won't take Frisk with us, is all. They've been safe at that house for months; why not one more night?" 

"I-I don't think that will work for much longer. If King Asgore is really remembering the responsibility he'd set on himself... he'll certainly send out the rest of the Royal Guard to capture Frisk. You know how loyal those dogs are, Undyne. If the order comes from the king... I doubt you can call them off." 

Udyne scoffed and averted her gaze. "Yeah yeah. So, what are we gonna do, then?" 

"Yes darling, what are we going to do?"   
The tension was broken once more as Undyne glared at the unapologetic robot. "You don't need to repeat everything I say, you know." 

"I was just trying to feel like part of the conversation." 

"There's such a thing as a lull, you know." 

"Such things do not exist when you are as big of a star as I am!" Mettaton preened in front of a hand mirror. 

Alphys tapped her claws on the coffee table, waiting patiently for their attention to return to her. "As I was saying... we're taking Frisk to the party. While the king is busy with his guests, we're going to help them get through the Barrier." 

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Frisk squealed as they were hit in the face with a glob of whipped cream, retaliating with a handful of diced strawberries. They dived behind the couch to avoid returned fire, checking their stock of fresh fruit. They heard a 'NYEH' of triumph, and rolled out from behind the couch. Just before the Great Papyrus could lob another handful of whipped cream, Frisk flirtatiously swayed their hips at him, winking plaYfully as their skirts sashayed around their knees. 

"ACK!" Papyrus cried, covering his eyes and dropping his can of whipped cream in the process. "I HAVE BEEN BLINDED BY THE HUMAN'S FLIRTATIOUS WIGGLING! TRULY, IT SEEMS DEFEAT HAS COME FOR THE GREAT PAPYRUS." 

"looks like you're getting creamed, bro. but i just have one question." Both Papyrus and Frisk looked up in shock at Sans, who had an armful of pie tins in his grasp. "do you wanna have a cream pie?" And then dozens of cream pies were rained upon them, the two hapless victims screaming in terror as they were coated in pie. There were many casualties, including the dress Frisk had bought just hours before. 

Sans was delegated to laundry duty for the next week.


	30. Brotherly Banter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Filler stuff while I figure out what I want to do.

"papyrus, why is there spaghetti in the dishwasher again?" 

"MAYBE IT'S BECAUSE SOMEBODY KEEPS DROPPING THEIR SPAGHETTI ON THE FLOOR AND GETTING IT DIRTY!" 

"you can't clean spaghetti, it washes off all the sauce-" 

"IF I CAN'T CLEAN IT, THEN WHY IS IT CURRENTLY IN THE DISHWASHER? NYEH HEH! ONCE AGAIN, YOU HAVE BEEN OUTMATCHED IN A BATTLE OF WITS BY THE GREAT PAPYRUS!" 

"i gotta admit, you beat me. as always, that loss really smarts." 

"THAT WAS YOUR WORST ONE YET. IF I WERE NOT ALREADY ASHAMED OF YOU FOR MAKING PUNS IN THE FIRST PLACE, I'D BE ASHAMED OF YOUR DROP IN QUALITY." 

"can't all be winners." 

"YOU CAN IF YOU'RE THE GREAT PAPYRUS!" 

This was the scene Frisk was exposed to upon waking up. They smiled warmly and snuggled down into their blankets, happy to listen to the skeletons banter all morning long. But eventually their unrest grew until they were flopping off the couch, scooting themself across the carpet until they met laminated tile. A pair of wide eyes stared upwards, and was met by two pairs of blackened hell pits set deep into bleached skulls. 

"OHO, THE HUMAN HAS AWOKEN! AND THEY APPEAR SO EXCITED BY THE IDEA OF GETTING TO EAT ANOTHER OF MY DELICIOUS BREAKFASTS THAT THEY CANNOT EVEN STAND!" 

"up and at 'em, frisk." Sans offered a hand to the human, pulling them to their feet. "rise and shine. on your feet, soldier. get-" Sans was silenced by a hand pressing over his teeth, which is apparently where his voice emanated from? 

"THANK YOU, HUMAN. YOU HAVE STEMMED THE TIDE OF MEDIOCRE COMEDY." 

Frisk offered a thumbs up, carelessly dropping Sans onto the floor as they began digging through drawers and cabinets. Before long they had everything they needed to make the single dish they were capable of cooking. Sans and Papyrus engaged in a heated discussion about socks as pancakes were placed in front of them, drizzled in peppermint syrup. They all ate their breakfast with much aplomb, and many laughs were had, and there were only two hospital visits involved; an all time low, considering both food and Papyrus were involved. Eventually they all sat around the TV, watching as Mettaton juggled bowling pins while trying to convince them to donate to 'Hedge Clippers for the Homeless'. Papyrus already had phone and credit card in hand by the third word. 

"SANS YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND, THIS IS A WORTHWHILE CHARITY! METTATON SAID SO!" 

"if mettaton told you to jump off a cliff-wait you can fly, that doesn't work. give me a minute, i'll come up with something." 

"WHATEVER HYPOTHETICAL HOOEY YOU COME UP WITH WILL BE ANSWERED WITH A RESOUNDING 'YES', BROTHER. I TRUST EVERY WORD THAT COMES FROM THAT SINFULLY SHAPELY MOUTH." 

"what if the words just come from his speakers and nobody's noticed yet-" 

"I AMEND MY STATEMENT! I TRUST EVERY WORD THAT COMES FROM ANY PART OF THAT DELICIOUSLY DECANDENT CHASSIS!" 

"sounds like you've got quite the robone-"

"SILENCE! THERE WILL NOT BE SUCH LEWD LANGUAGE USED WHILE THE HUMAN IS PRESENT!" Papyrus lifted Frisk up by the head and shook them emphatically. 

"we still don't know how old they are, they could easily be old enough to talk about things of a "lewd" nature." 

"PREPOSTEROUS! THEY ARE SO TINY, THERE'S NO WAY THEY ARE THE APPROPRIATE AGE!"

"some people just aren't very tall, bro. i know from experience. you could say we uh, got the short end of the stick." 

Papyrus screeched in rage, launching into a loud diatribe about how unfunny and icky puns were. Frisk settled into the couch cushions, a smile on their face. Thoughts of the surface were far from their mind.


	31. Brotherly Bonds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Feelings? I can't believe it!

"I'M TELLING YOU, SANS. A ROYAL GUARDSMAN AND A WORLD FAMOUS MUSICIAN? THE UNDERGROUND WOULD BE IN AWE OF ME, AND THAT WOULD BE PRETTY NEATO! AND IT'S ONE OF THE 'A' WORDS!" 

Sans snickered quietly, pushing a shopping cart filled with groceries and Frisk so slowly that they were practically going backwards. "i know you love your 'a' words, bro, but you don't even play any instruments." 

Papyrus scoffed as he grabbed a container of instant coffee, because Undyne broke the coffee maker just the other day. "THERE ARE PLENTY OF FAMOUS MUSICIANS THAT SING INSTEAD OF PLAYING INSTRUMENTS! BESIDES, I'M SURE I'D BE INCREDIBLE AT WHATEVER INSTRUMENT I DECIDED TO PICK UP!" 

Sans snrk'd, clearly preparing something that promised to be awful. "maybe you could learn to play the a-ccordion." Frisk giggled from within the confines of the basket, and that was all Sans needed to warm his skeleton heart. Papyrus thankfully kept his shrieking to a minimum; they'd been thrown out of this grocery store for his lack of volume control more than once. 

"YOU HAVE DESECRATED THE SACRED 'A' WORDS WITH YOUR HORRIBLE PUNS! YOU KNOW WHAT YOU ARE, SANS? AN A-FFLICTION! NYEH! NYEH HEH HEH HEH!" Looking horribly pleased with himself, he ran over to grab a bunch of bananas from the produce section and rub them against his face to... check their ripeness? Something like that, probably. Sans subtly steered the cart towards an aisle of junk food while Papyrus was busy getting fresh with the fruit. 

"you know what to do, private." Frisk saluted, standing on the very edge of the cart and sweeping armfuls of poptato chisps and molten chocolate cookies into the cart. Meanwhile, Sans grabbed boxes of cheesy poffs and Tingles fruit snacks; the snack that makes your tongue tingle for some reason! They then covertly traveled to the pasta aisle, dumping a layer of pasta noodle boxes over their ill gotten booty. Eventually they rolled themselves back to where Papyrus was comparing a cantaloupe to his pauldron, 'HMMM'ing loudly. He looked back when the cart bumped into his pelvis, gasping in delight when he saw all of the different kinds of pasta noodles. 

"WOWIE! LOOK AT ALL THE DIFFERENT PASTAS! AND YOU EVEN REMEMBERED THE BRAND THAT I LIKE!" He picked Frisk up under one arm and Sans under the other, spinning them around as he cackled gleefully. "ANYWAY, ENOUGH OF THAT." He slam dunked them back into the cart and began pushing it himself, heading towards the frozen foods section. "BECAUSE YOU TWO HAVE BEEN SO GOOD ABOUT NOT GETTING JUNK FOOD, I'LL GET SOME FROZEN PIZZA TO CELEBRATE!" He grabbed a four pack of Papa Pepperoni's pizzas, placing the box on top of Frisk's head. They suddenly looked painfully guilty, tossing a mournful look back at Sans. The shorter skeleton let that look fly right by, shrugging innocently. 

Eventually they made it up to the checkout line, where Sans perused trashy fashion magazines (All from MTT Publishings, of course) and Papyrus chided him for reading poorly written nonsense. Frisk bit their lip and twiddled their thumbs, not even daring to look at the candy bars. They instead turned their gaze towards the employee manning the register, which was... the same octopus lady from that one chapter! Frisk narrowed their eyes intensely as the employee glanced at them apathetically. Then she looked away. Frisk quietly celebrated their victory, and then they remembered that they had snuck snack foods into the cart and became sad again. 

Papyrus watched proudly as the human helped him unload the cart, at least a dozen boxes of pasta going up. Then came the chisps, and cookies, and fruit snacks, and cheese snacks. Papyrus' prideful smile was reversed as he turned his head upside down, turning into a disapproving frown. He turned said frown directly on his brother, who looked entirely nonchalant. 

"BROTHER. YOU KNOW I HATE IT WHEN YOU DO THIS. AND DRAGGING THE HUMAN INTO IT! DOES YOUR EVIL KNOW NO BOUNDS?!?" 

"guess i'm just... bad to the bone." Sans winked impishly, looking slightly put out when he didn't receive a giggle from his favorite human. 

"YES, YOU ARE! YOU ARE BAD AND YOU SHOULD FEEL BAD!" Papyrus harrumphed and crossed his arms, turning up his nonexistent nose. "AND YOU KNOW THOSE PIZZAS I GOT FOR YOU BOTH? AS PUNISHMENT, YOU SHALL BOTH WATCH ME EAT ALL OF THEM!" 

Sans looked mildly puzzled. "are you, uh.. sure that's the best idea-" 

"NOT A WORD MORE! YOUR POISON TONGUE HAS DONE ENOUGH DAMAGE FOR ONE DAY!" Papyrus didn't do any flailing or head spinning. Indeed, he was quite statuesque. Sans sweated, seeing that he had actually peeved off his brother. He instead placed a handful of G in Frisk's palm, winking twice before walking out of the store. 

Papyrus didn't even look at his retreating back. He simply waited for their groceries to be rung up, digging through his.. something, for the required number of G. He looked over when Frisk tapped him on the arm, holding out a handful of gold coins. "HMM? WHERE DID YOU GET THIS, HUMAN? YOU HAVEN'T BEEN FLIRTING WITH MONSTERS AGAIN, HAVE YOU?" Frisk shook their head innocently, thrusting the money forward more insistently. "...SANS GAVE YOU THIS, DIDN'T HE. ALWAYS ACTING LIKE I CAN'T PAY FOR ANYTHING MYSELF! KEEP THE MONEY, HUMAN. I HAVE NO NEED OF BROTHERLY CHARITY ON THIS DAY." Frisk frowned lightly, but acquired an idea from wherever those things hang out. When Papyrus was preoccupied with paying for the groceries, they snuck the money Sans had given them into Papyrus'... place where he stored money. 

They beamed proudly all the way out of the store, carrying several bags filled with... junk food. Oh, now they were sad again. They trudged alongside the surprisingly silent skeleton, pulling up the hood of their sweatshirt to block out some of the chill. 

"...I'M NOT MAD AT YOU." Frisk glanced up, surprised by the (relatively) low volume of Papyrus' screaming. "I'M NOT MAD AT SANS EITHER. WELL, MAYBE A LITTLE. IT'S JUST.. I WORRY. A LOT. SANS EATS OUT ALL OF THE TIME, BUT WHEN HE DOES EAT AT HOME, I WANT HIM TO HAVE SOMETHING HEALTHY, INSTEAD OF JUNK THAT WILL ROT HIS BONES. HE WORKS SURPRISINGLY HARD FOR BEING SUCH A LAZYBONES, AND HE DESERVES A WARM MEAL INSTEAD OF CHISPS AND GREASY BURGERS. THAT'S WHY I MAKE SO MUCH SPAGHETTI! I.. KNOW MY SPAGHETTI ISN'T THE BEST.." he held up a hand when Frisk looked like they were going to interrupt. "DO NOT LIE TO ME, HUMAN! YOU THINK I HAVE NOT TASTED MY OWN FOOD? IT'S AWFUL. BUT I MAKE IT BECAUSE I WANT TO GET BETTER, SO THAT YOU AND SANS CAN HAVE SOMETHING HOME COOKED AND DELICIOUS TO EAT EVERY DAY. YOU, BOTH OF YOU, DESERVE THE BEST I CAN GIVE." Papyrus looked down in surprise when he felt a pair of warm, squishy arms wrap around him. 

Frisk smiled brightly up at the skeleton, squeezing his spine. "I love you too, Papyrus." 

Though Snowdin's chill could not pierce Papyrus' bones, he felt warmer still on the walk back home.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Frisk, Sans, and Papyrus all sat around the kitchen table, avoiding eye contact as they waited for the first frozen pizza to cook. 

"so uh... anybody see any good movies lately-" Sans was interrupted by a screech from his brother. Oh, right. Just the other night he'd put on 'Night of the Face Stealer' instead of 'Fluffy Bunny's Birthday Bananza'. Sans chuckled quietly to himself, earning a stern glare from his brother. He raised both hands in surrender, preparing to make the most incredible pun of his life-when the oven timer went off. 

"NYEH HEH! AND SO YOUR PUNISHMENT BEGINS!" Papyrus removed the pizza from the oven with his bare hands, tossing it from palm to palm before dropping it on the table. "WELL, THAT WAS UNPLEASANT. BUT WHAT FOLLOWS WILL BE EVEN MORE UNPLEASANT! FOR YOU!!!" Papyrus picked up a steaming slice of greasy pizza, and took a single bite. It dropped into his lap. "OH MY GOD THAT'S DISGUSTING, OKAY YOU CAN HAVE IT." He pushed the pizza towards Frisk and Sans, looking repulsed. 

Frisk and Sans shared a look, and then tore into the pizza with such ravenous hunger that Papyrus had to cover his eyes. 

They showed no mercy.


	32. Details and Determination

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The end is upon us.

The winter approached at a steady pace, the days of December falling steadily off the calendar. Frisk grew ever more excited with each passing hour; Christmas in the Underground was sure to be the best they'd ever experienced. There was just one thing that was bothering them... they'd barely seen any of their friends that weren't Sans and Papyrus. Perhaps they were all simply busy with their careers at the moment? Frisk could respect that, but it was still disheartening to not hear timid knocks, or have the door kicked down, or wake up to find Mettaton lounging seductively atop the television. They hadn't even gotten any phone calls, oddly enough. But Sans and Papyrus didn't seem worried, so they wouldn't be worried either. 

But on the morning of December twenty first, everything changed. Frisk woke to the sound of rapid knocking at the front door. When no excited skeletons came falling from the sky to answer the door, Frisk took up the task themself, flopping off the couch and stumbling towards the front door. They opened it with an unnecessarily long creaking sound, which they had to make themself because Papyrus had oiled the hinges not too long ago. They (eventually) came face to face to face to fabulous face with Alphys, Undyne, and Mettaton. They all stared at Frisk as the creaking noise persisted, even though the door was open all the way. 

"F-Frisk? As much as we, uh, a-appreciate your sound effect comedy, this is kind of serious." Alphys fidgeted nervously, clearly wanting nothing more than to barge in, but her manners kept her in place.   
Undyne had no such restrictions however, grabbing the human by the head and forcibly moving them out of the way. "Alright squirt, listen up, 'cause we're only gonna say this once-" 

"Should we not tell everyone at once, darling? I know how much you hate repeating yourself." Mettaton flounced through the front door, dragging Alphys behind him. 

"For once, you actually make a point. PAPYRUS, SANS, GET YOUR BONY BUTTS DOWN HERE," Undyne yelled like a thing that yells very loudly(LIKE ME! NYEH HEH HEH!), stamping her foot so hard that it cracked the... carpet, in half. Somehow. Four seconds passed before a wad of bones and rabbit printed pajamas was launched out of Papyrus' door, landing on top of Undyne with an excited screech. 

"OH BOY, ALL MY FRIENDS ARE HERE! IT'S BEEN SO LONG, I FELT AS IF WE MIGHT NEVER MEET AGAIN!" Papyrus bawled happily, Undyne holding him at arms length. 

"Put a can on the water works, this is important." Undyne forcibly sat him on the couch next to Frisk, both of them staring at the trio that had barged into their house with equal parts curiosity and glee. "Where the hell is Sans?! GET YOUR LAZY ASS DOWN HERE BEFORE I MAKE YOU!" 

"these old bones don't go as fast as they used to," Sans replied from behind his closed door, opening it with a creak that was provided by Frisk. He raised his arms over his head and yawned theatrically, stretching so hard that one of his arms popped off. "ignore that." He made as if to pick it up off the ground before shrugging and shuffling past it. He eyed the stairs blankly, barely lifting his foot before tumbling end over end all the way down. 

Everyone stared. Undyne sighed loudly, pressing a palm to her face. "Papyrus, how do you live with this guy?" 

"someone seems a little spine-y this morning," Sans mumbled into the carpet. 

"I-if we could please focus on the issue at hand.." Alphys helped Sans up off the floor, earning a thumbs up and a wink in return. "N-now that everyone's here... we, um, have an issue. The king... King Asgore, he uh... he's throwing a Christmas party in a few days. F-for the whole Underground. As you might already realize, this is an unusual circumstance. The king has been... reclusive, for a very long time. Clearly, there must be something important going on for Asgore to push himself back into the public eye. I uh... I've theorized that the reason is you, Frisk." There was a moment when she allowed them to process this. "Y-you've uhm, made a bit of a name for yourself down here. People know about you, and talk about you. I-it was really only a matter of time b-before the king caught wind of it. So.. the situation at had, as far as we know, is that King Asgore is throwing this party with the hopes that you will attend, a-and then... he'll use your soul to break the Barrier. And even if you don't, he'll find some way to bring you to him, s-since you've, uh... put your journey aside." 

Frisk was silent. They gently kicked their legs back and forth, expression unreadable. Finally, they met Alphys' gaze with wide eyes. "...What's the plan?" 

The scientist breathed a quiet sigh of relief. "T-the plan, is... Mettaton, Undyne and I have already received invitations to attend the party, i-in the king's castle. He's also allowed us to each bring a plus one, s-so.. we're bringing the three of you. Mettaton will be with Sans, Undyne will be with Papyrus, and Frisk.. y-you'll be with me. Undyne and Papyrus will be distracting the king, and Mettaton and Sans will distract the guests. While all that's going on, Frisk... I-I'll take you to the Barrier, so that you can escape." Alphys grew somber, the entire mood of the room falling with hers. 

Five sets of eyes turned to the human. Frisk worried at a loose thread on their shirt, biting their lip. "..What if I just gave my soul to Asgore?" 

There was an immediate backlash. 

"F-Frisk, he'll k-k-kill you-"

"HUMAN, YOUR SOUL IS VERY PRECIOUS AND YOU SHOULDN'T GIVE IT AWAY TO STRANGERS-"

"we both know you don't wanna have a bad time, kiddo-"

"Don't be stupid, you dork-"

"But darling, we need you!" 

A silence fell, and for once Mettaton felt uncomfortable being the center of attention. He crossed his arms, trying to look aloof. "Well, it's true.. we just want to do what's best for you, dear. If Asgore wants to take your soul... then we simply must take you somewhere that he can't." 

"Am I really worth more than the freedom of all monsters?" There was a hush as Frisk turned intense eyes on everyone in the room. 

"i dunno about you guys, but i'd gladly spend forever down in this pit if it meant the kid was alright." Sans smiled as warmly as his frozen face would let him, flashing a thumbs up. 

"INDEED! KNOWING THAT THE HUMAN IS SAFE IS ALL THAT MATTERS!" Papyrus posed proudly and courageously, ribcage puffed out and cape flowing behind him. 

"We got your back, nerd. If anyone wants your soul, they gotta get through me." Undyne winked, or possibly blinked, grinning widely. 

"To deprive the world of a star like me is a terrible crime... but to deprive the world of someone like you is an even greater tragedy." Mettaton looked more sincere than he ever had, all posturing put aside. 

Alphys was silent for a beat. "F-Frisk... you've made the Underground a brighter place. A-and even if we never do see you again.. I'm still glad you came." She smiled, a slightly awkward thing, but one full of feeling. 

Frisk stared in something like disbelief, eyes wide and filling with tears. Sans was the first to step forward, wrapping an arm around their neck. "c'mon kid, i think this is as good a time as any for the mushy stuff." And then they found arms on all sides, surrounded by the warm bodies of their friends. Knowing that they all believed in them, and wanted to do everything they could to keep them safe... it filled Frisk with determination. 

 

"...I'll do it. I'll go through the Barrier."


	33. Finale

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Is this truly the end? Hell if I know.

The capital city was like nothing Frisk had ever seen. Buildings rose like stone fingers, solid and monochrome as they reached up towards the ceiling, aching to break through the rock and dirt that locked them away. The entire city sprawled out for what felt like forever, grey and static and... eerie. The rest of the underground was so small and lively, and now before them was a sprawling reminder of how many monsters there really were. Though the buildings stood still and lifeless, the streets thrummed like veins, lifeblood flowing in the form of twinkling lights and jolly monsters. They flowed down the streets in a wave, a colorful deluge flooding the space around the king's castle. 

The castle itself was almost puny in comparison to the capital it was nestled in, a spire that looked out over all the Underground. They'd had to walk across several long, winding walkways to make it there, suspended many feet above the stone roads below. They'd passed through a small home frozen in time on the way to the throne room; an exact mirror of a house sequestered in the Ruins. Some guests mingled within its walls, stopping for snacks and drinks before making their way to see the king. The hall they entered now was long and wide, the biggest one Frisk had seen before. It was composed of alternating orange and yellow tiles, and the domed ceiling was held aloft by towering pillars of marble. Intricately shaped windows looked out over the city, artifical light spilling in and painting everything golden. It had been converted into something of a banquet hall or ballroom for the purposes of the party, numerous tables set up for food, refreshments, and seating. Scores of monsters chatted and ate and laughed with one another. The Skeleton Crew (as Papyrus had officially named their little group) stood near the entrance, loitering for a moment. 

Alphys paced nervously back and forth, wringing her claws together. "A-alright, everyone remembers the plan, right? Mettaton and Sans will distract the guests once Asgore arrives, and Papyrus and Undyne will distract him. Once all the distractining has taken place, Frisk and I will sneak away to the Barrier." 

There was a chorus of acknowledgment and a single 'NYEH!', and she nodded, satisfied. "I-I know we've all... said our goodbyes, but if anyone has anything else to say-" 

Papyrus immediately burst into tears, scooping Frisk (who was poorly disguised in a sweater, scarf, and hat) up off the ground and shaking them back and forth. "OH, HU-FRISK, I'LL MISS YOU SO MUCH! WHO ELSE IN THIS WORLD COULD ADMIRE ME AND MY PASTA AS MUCH AS YOU DO?!" 

Despite Papyrus' ridiculous reaction, Frisk could still feel themself tearing up. They gently patted him on the shoulderpad, staring up into his leaking sockets. "...I'll miss you too. All of you." They sniffled a little, motioning for the weeping skeleton to set them down. They looked around. Sans' smile appeared more like a grimace, and Undyne was trying to pretend like she just had something caught in her eye. Mettaton was playing a sound clip of someone blowing their nose into a lacy handkerchief. They offered a watery smile, barely visible under their scarf, before turning to Alphys. "I'm ready." She nodded somberly, taking their hand and leading them off into the crowd. 

And just as they did, a figure emerged from the doorway on the far end of the hall. Every head turned, watching the huge, bulky silhouette move closer and closer. Eventually it stepped into the light, revealing... the jolly form of King Asgore, clad in a Santa costume with a long, velvet cape. "Ho ho ho, meeeeerry Christmas!" His voice boomed through the hall, deep and warm and welcoming. He was met with a roaring cheer, numerous monsters returning his holiday well wishes. He chuckled and grinned at all the smiling faces that looked upon him, waiting a few beats before clearing his throat. "Howdy, everybody! This is a bigger turnout than I expected! You've all made a washed up old king very happy by showing up. I'd like to thank you all for coming to this humble little get-together," there was a smattering of laughter, "and I'd like to remind you that the eggnog is free, so drink as much as you want! If there's any left after I'm done, at least." He laughed along with the crowd. "Glad I didn't splurge on that comedian after all!" Frisk stifled a giggle behind their hands, feeling warmed by the laughter that surrounded them. "Now before I start rambling, I'd like to thank you one last time for coming, and I hope you all have a wonderful time." There was a wave of applause before the crowd dispersed back into individual groups, some gravitating towards the king, who appeared to be heading for the refreshments table. 

Sans and Mettaton both locked eyes, nodding firmly at one another. It was show time. Mettaton propped the skeleton up on his shoulders, handing him a microphone that was hooked up to his speakers. "hey everybody, i know the king said he wasn't hiring, but uh.. if anyone needs a comedy act, call up sans the skeleton. my rates are dirt cheap. they're uh, so cheap that they're literally underground." There were several groans, but the main reaction was startled laughter. "yeah you liked that one, huh? boy have i got some jokes for you. so a skeleton walks into a hardware store.."

Meanwhile, Undyne was almost literally cutting a path through the crowds, her sour expression and general aura of badassitude clearing a wide berth. Papyrus followed a few steps behind her, trying to wipe away any remaining tears and psyche himself up into being his usual boisterous self. But it was so hard! If everything went according to plan, then the human would be leaving forever. And if it didn't, then Frisk would die! How could he possibly act cheerful at a time like this? But.. remembering all the good times with Frisk, every time they'd choked down a plate of spaghetti for his sake, or built snowmen together, or that time they went on a date, remember that? Papyrus sure did. No matter what situation they were in, the human always perservered. Thinking about them, and all they'd done to improve his life in the time they'd known each other... it filled Papyrus with confidence, and loyalty! He'd do everything in his power to protect the human, and if that meant being himself, then by golly that's what he'd do! Papyrus puffed out his chest and adopted a wide, confident stride, charging directly towards King Asgore. Behind Undyne, of course. 

Asgore engaged in a deep and interesting conversation about gardening with a monster that resembled a beaver, taking sips of eggnog and commenting at all the right moments. His eyes briefly scanned the crowd, searching for those he knew would be coming. He could almost feel a physical weight on his shoulders, bearing down on him and never letting him forget what had to happen. For the sake of everyone. His thoughts were interrupted by the sight of a familiar Captain of the Royal Guard, as well as a skeleton almost as tall as he was trailing behind her. 

"Howdy, Undyne! Glad you could make it. Is this a friend of yours-" 

"GREETINGS, KING ASGORE! I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, AM HONORED TO MEET YOU! YOU MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE HEARD OF ME ALREADY, CONSIDERING MY STATUS AS BOTH AN ONLINE AND EYE ARR ELL CELEBRITY! UNDYNE, MY DEAR FRIEND, HAS BEEN TRAINING ME FOR EONS, OR PERHAPS JUST A YEAR OR TWO TO BE IN THE ROYAL GUARD! I PROMISE THAT I WILL SERVE WITH THE UTMOST HONORABILITY AND DISTINCTIMILITUDE, SHOULD YOU CHOOSE TO ACCEPT MY SERVICE. WHICH YOU SHOULD! AS A WORLD CLASS DUELIST AND SPAGHETTORE I WOULD MOST CERTAINLY BE A VALUABLE ADDITION TO YOUR RANKS!" 

Asgore blinked. "...Uh." 

 

Alphys and Frisk had cleared much of the ballroom, sneaking past Mettaton leading what appeared to be a choreographed dance number as Sans stuffed himself with sugar cookies between jokes. Papyrus' boasting shrieks could be heard all throughout the hall, and the king appeared almost desperate to escape. Before long they had made it to the end of the hall and out the doorway, entering into... the throne room. Numerous skylights let in artificial rays, which caused the large patch of golden flowers to glow and shimmer in an otherworldly manner. Frisk took a moment to admire them, kneeling down to gently stroke a petal before Alphys hurried them along, her eyes watering and snout running. Frisk cast a curious look back at what appeared to be another throne covered by a sheet before they were lead down a set of stairs, stopping before another doorway. 

"Frisk... I-I uh, know you might not like me as much as the others, but... I still r-really appreciated your friendship-" Alphys' self deprecating speech was cut off as Frisk threw themself at her, wrapping their arms around her scaly neck. She stood in a stunned silence before beginning to cry openly, clutching onto the human's sweater. Frisk murmured something soothing and meaningless, holding her for a long moment before they parted. She sniffed and wiped her eyes, but her expression stayed miserable. "..The Barrier is just through this door." She took Frisk by the hand, squeezing it slightly before walking through the doorway, into... an endless hallway of pulsating black and white, that stretched and looped and folded in on itself an infinite number of times. "The Barrier... this is what keeps us all locked away in here. Your escape. Frisk... there's something I..." Alphys trailed off, appearing to steel herself before reaching into her purse, producing something that she quickly pushed into the human's hands. 

A knife. {Finally, FINALLY!} Frisk stared in absolute bewilderment, turning it over in their hands. {Right where it belongs.} They turned a confused look at Alphys, who wouldn't meet their gaze. 

"I... didn't tell you before, because... I knew you wouldn't agree. I lied, about you only needing a human soul to get through the Barrier. You need a human soul.. and a monster soul." Alphys did not weep, or scream, or quiver. She appeared... resigned.

Frisk stared at her in horror, stumbling backwards. The knife shook in their hands {USE IT, SHE'S ACHING FOR IT.} "N-no-" {YES!} "I w-won't do it, Alphys there has to be another way-" 

"Don't argue with me about this, Frisk! This is the plan, w-we have to stick to it! So... so just do it, already!" 

Frisk's wide eyed gaze drifted between Alphys and the knife, almost unseeing. They were filled with determination. 

The knife fell to the floor with a clatter. 

"Frisk, what are you doing?! Do you want Asgore to kill you?!" Alphys cried desperately, tears tracking down her face. 

The human stood staunch and stone faced. "It is never right to take a life. Not for any reason." 

"Truer words have never been spoken." Alphys squeaked in terror, both her and Frisk whirling around to see the figure that stood in the doorway. Asgore's face was a mask of resolve. "But sometimes... we don't have a choice. Dr. Alphys, please leave us. This is no business of yours." 

Alphys quivered on the spot, a small part of her screaming at her to just run, she couldn't help anyway, what use was she? But.. seeing Frisk, their face the picture of calm, their hands trembling with unspoken fear... "..I-I won't let you hurt them, Asgore." Alphys' footsteps echoed loudly as she moved to stand between the king and the human. 

"You know why I must do this, doctor. Please, for everyone's sakes... leave us, and enjoy the festivities." Asgore's hand tightened around his trident, breath hitching for a moment. 

"I-I won't let you! Please, Asgore, Frisk never did anything wrong, they didn't hurt anybody you can't kill them, they're just a kid Asgore PLEASE!" Alphys was sobbing, words catching in her throat before being choked out. 

"I.. I..." Asgore's hand trembled minutely, his eyes darting between Alphys and the human, the human that stared at him so unflinchingly but he could see the mortal terror in their eyes, and even worse.. the acceptance. They were prepared to die by his hand. 

"Mister Asgore?" Frisk took a step forward, looking so small in their poorly put together disguise. "If... when you take my soul, please... don't hurt anyone up there. They don't deserve it. And... it'll just hurt more monsters, too. Promise that when I die, nobody else has to get hurt." 

Asgore choked on.. something, his breath coming in hiccups. "I..."

"Asgore p-please, there has to be another way, maybe six souls w-w-will weaken the barrier enough that it will deteriorate on it's own, you c-can't do this-" 

The King of All Monsters closed his eyes, and breathed out. "..I'm sorry." He gripped his trident with both hands, leveling it at Frisk. "..I promise you, your death will be the last." Frisk nodded their assent, gently stepping past Alphys even as she pleaded and wept, clinging to the back of Frisk's sweater. They closed their eyes, a glowing, pulsating soul emerging from the pocket over their breast. Asgore released a shuddering breath when he saw it. Finally, everyone could be free. Even if he could never be free of his sins, at least everyone else would be free of this wretched existence-

Asgore's thought process was violently interrupted as a wave of fireballs smashed into the side of his face, tossing him like a ragdoll across the room. From the doorway emerged a figure that Frisk had seen what felt like an eternity ago; the only other boss monster to ever walk these halls. 

"What a wretched thing, torturing such innocent youths.." Toriel stepped into the room, smiling gently as she helped Alphys up off the floor. "I hope that creature has not done you any harm, young lady." 

The scientist stared at her as if seeing a ghost. "I-I... n-no, ma'am. I'm.. alright." She skittishly backed away, shooting a fleeting look at the dazed Asgore. 

"My child.. are you quite alright?" Toriel's smile fell into a concerned frown as she approached the human, who stared at her in a mixture of awe and fear. "It is only me, you have nothing to fear any longer.." She tentatively spread her arms, seeming almost surprised when the human ran towards her, wrapping their own arms around her fluffy midsection. "Oh, Frisk..." She ran gentle fingers through their hair, eyes watering. "I had meant to let you complete your journey on your own, but.. so much time passed. I feared the worst, but I... couldn't bring myself to leave. Knowing for sure that you had perished; I don't know if I could have beared it. When I heard tell that Asgore was throwing his party, I knew you had to still be alive... there is no other reason that coward would have done something so grandiose." 

Asgore whimpered like a kicked puppy from the other side of the room. "Tori... you know I didn't want to hurt them, right-" 

"What matters is that you were going to do so anyway," she bit out sharply. "Look at you, cowering in your castle and meekly hoping that another human never comes, so that you won't have to make good on your promise to destroy humanity. I can scarcely believe what you've become." 

The king curled in on himself, tears matting the fur on his face. "Y-you're right, of course you are... I am a miserable creature. I want nothing more than to atone for what I've done, and to free everyone without taking another life. I..." 

"EVERYONE FREEZE, THE ROYAL GUARD IS HERE TO SAVE THE DAY!" 

"That's damn right! If anyone's fighting anyone else, I'm gonna kick their butts! Wait, that's kind of counterproductive-" 

Both Papyrus and Undyne slid to a halt as they entered the Barrier room, staring at the furry boss monster slumped against the wall, as well as the... other furry boss monster hugging Frisk? Undyne gasped as she saw the frazzled Alphys, backflipping over to fret over her. "Ohmygod are you alright if Asgore did anything I swear I'll commit regicide- oh wait that goes against what I said earlier doesn't it-" 

"I-I'm fine, Undyne. R-really." Alphys sank into her crush's embrace, sighing dreamily. 

Papyrus' head spun back and forth between the two boss monsters, jaw flapping up and down. "OH MY GOD, THE KING HAS A TWIN! AND HE'S SO BEAUTIFUL!" 

Toriel looked both flattered and slightly disturbed. "Ah... you must be friends of Frisk. It's wonderful to meet you all; my name is Toriel." 

Sans popped his head into the room, a lamp shade sitting askew on his skull and several sugar cookies clutched in one hand. "hey, the party out there is pretty kickin', if anyone's interested." 

Toriel perked up, staring in disbelief. "T-that voice!" She carelessly tossed Frisk aside, accidentally throwing them at the Barrier. But they rebounded off and landed on Papyrus' head, so it was k. Toriel advanced towards the punny skeleton. "I know you, from through the door!"

"hey, you're the lady from the door. yeah, my name is sans. sans the skeleton." 

Toriel glanced between the two skeletons, focusing in on Papyrus in particular. "Then that must mean you're Papyrus! I've heard quite a bit about you." 

Papyrus blushed before striking a confident pose, cape flapping despite the lack of breeze. "NYEH HEH! ALL OF IT GOOD, I HOPE! OF COURSE IT WAS; THERE IS NOTHING BAD TO BE SAID ABOUT THE GREAT PAPYRUS!" 

Toriel grinned mischievously. "Say, Papyrus. How do you know that a skeleton is sick?" 

"ERR.. BECAUSE HE IS COUGHING AND OR SNEEZING?" 

"No, silly; because he's running a femur!" Toriel and Sans both howled with laughter, Frisk giggling uncontrollably as their nerves finally washed away. 

"...I THINK I WANT TO GO HOME NOW."

"Go home? I dare say not; the party has only just begun, my dear Papyrus!" Mettaton strutted into the room, covered in glitter. "Oh, why if it isn't King Asgore himself, in the flesh! How would you feel about an interview, darling?" 

Asgore looked mildly confused and moderately excited. "O-oh.. well, that would be wonderful." 

Alphys suddenly began sneezing uncontrollably. "Alphys, what's wrong?! I'll SUPLEX WHATEVER'S AILING YOU!" Undyne clenched her fist, glancing around the room for invisible assailants. 

"O-oh, I'm fine, I just.. allergies acting up. I'm really allergic to those flowers that Asgore keeps." 

Asgore frowned, looking troubled. "But I've never brought any flowers down here." 

"Oops, sorry. Must be little ol' me!" Every head turned. Sprouting from the floor was a golden flower, that appeared to be winking at them. "Boy golly gee, I can't believe HOW STUPID YOU ALL ARE!" He made a guttural sound of amusement, face twisted into something horrible. "Now that I've got the human souls, I can finally-" 

"NGAHHH!" A glowing blue spear skewered right through Flowey's maniacally grinning face, utterly obliterating him. Six glowing souls of various colors rose from his corpse, hovering above the ground. Everyone stared. 

"..WELL, I GUESS THAT'S OVER." 

"Indeed!" Asgore agreed. "Imagine how awful it would have been if that flower had actually remembered to properly absorb the human souls!" And then everyone laughed merrily, and the credits rolled. 

Okay not really. Asgore stared contemplatively at the human souls, reaching out as if to gently cup one. His hand fell away before contact could be made. "Dr. Alphys.. how likely would it be that I could break the Barrier with six human souls, and.. the help of young Frisk?" 

Alphys blinked. Then, she blinked again. "I-I, uh... honestly don't know. W-we know that seven human souls are needed to break the barrier, but... it's never been confirmed that they all need to be inside of a single vessel. I suppose anything is worth a shot, at this point." 

Asgore nodded, standing up from where he had been slumped against the wall. He left his trident on the floor, taking meek little steps towards Frisk. "My child... I could never make up for what I tried to do to you. I could apologize for the rest of my days, and it would still not be enough. Nothing can make up for my sins... but I wish to apologize anyway. And I implore you to help me break this accursed Barrier, so that monsterkind might be forever freed of the Underground." 

Frisk stared long and hard at the King of All Monsters, remembering quite well that he was prepared to kill them a few minutes ago. But they also remembered his hesitance, and his demeanor, both during that incident and the party. They could see that the king was a kind and gentle soul, and truly meant to try and make up for his sins. Knowing this... filled them with DETERMINATION. They stepped forward and gently placed a hand in one of his massive palms, smiling up at him.

"...I thank you, my child." With that, Asgore absorbed the six human souls. He flashed a brilliant liquid white, filling the room with blinding light and forcing everyone to avert their eyes. When it died down Asgore had become half again his size, standing ridiculously tall. He wore a full suit of polished golden armor, engraved with runes that didn't actually mean anything but still looked cool. In his hands he held a glowing silver halberd that was taller than he was. Pure starlight seeped from between the cracks in his armor, and the infinite void shone in his eyes. "F R I S K." His voice was like a tidal wave, almost physically sweeping everyone off their feet. He took a powerful step towards the Barrier, bringing his halberd to bear. Frisk stood confidently at his side, their soul hovering before them. In a single moment, he swung, and the soul of Determination impacted the Barrier. 

Everything went white. 

Where once stood an infinite hallway was now a doorway, and where once stood the King of the Void was now Asgore, with sprinkles of soul dust sifting through his fingers. "We... we've done it." Frisk gave a thumbs up from where they were sprawled on the floor, and everyone cheered like they never had before. Toriel picked Frisk up and squeezed them until they were sure they would pop, and Sans and Papyrus were embracing as the taller skeleton swung his brother around, and Alphys was squealing as Undyne got her in a headlock, and Mettaton was on his knees, bawling hysterically. Asgore smiled, and it felt foreign on his face. He quietly left the group to their celebrations. 

The party in the hall was still in full swing, though there was a bit of a lull since Mettaton had left. Asgore grinned at them so hard his cheeks hurt. He called upon the errant sparks of power that still floated within him, the last remnants of the human souls. "WE ARE FREE!" His words carried down the hall and out the castle. It reached every ear, it filled every crevice. The entire Underground rang with his declaration. And then, the Underground roared in return. 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A group of seven monsters and one human sat on a sheer cliff edge, watching as the world was painted every shade of orange and yellow imaginable by the setting sun. 

"It's even more beautiful than I remember," Asgore sighed, barely even daring to blink. 

"T-this is way better than four K hi def monitors!" Alphys sighed dreamily, already planning on building monitors with high enough resolution to properly capture the sunset. 

Undyne turned towards the human, pretending to look frustrated. "UGH, Frisk, why didn't you tell us that the surface was so AWESOME! You were holding out on us, you little punk!" 

"OH MY GOD, SANS! THAT GIANT BALL IN THE SKY IS FALLING AT INCREDIBLY SLOW SPEEDS; WE HAVE TO SAVE IT!!!" Papyrus emoted wildly. 

"pretty sure it's supposed to do that, bro." Sans leaned back on his hands, sockets staring deeply at the sun. 

Mettaton was currently basking in the sunlight, with a tanning board and a lawn chair and everything. 

Toriel marveled openly, eyes sparkling with tears. "It's like nothing I've ever seen before.." Frisk leaned quietly against her side, and she glanced down long enough to smile serenely at them. 

"I could watch this for the rest of my life.." Asgore sniffled surreptitiously. 

"It is certainly a wonder," Toriel agreed, "but we should remember our situation. We must plan for the future." 

"Oh, yes, of course!" Asgore turned to look at Frisk. "I have a difficult question to ask of you. You've already done so much for us... but I'd like you to be our ambassador towards the humans." Frisk didn't even have to think about it; they firmly nodded their assent. "I... thank you, Frisk. What you've done for monsters... we will never forget it." 

"OH, THAT'S RIGHT! THIS IS THE HUMAN WORLD! VEHICULAR MANSLAUGHTER, HERE I COME!" Papyrus ran right off the cliff, helicoptering away. 

"pretty sure that isn't what you think it is, bro!" Sans made no effort to follow, instead turning to walk off in the other direction. It took a while. 

"UGH, you losers can't do anything!" Undyne twirled her spear fast enough to achieve lift, hovering off after the crazed skelicopter. "PAPYRUS, DON'T RUN ANYONE OVER!" 

"U-Undyne, w-wait up!" Alphys activated her rocket shoes, blasting off the cliff face towards the two dots travelling into the sunset. 

Mettaton gasped theatrically, flinging his tanning board somewhere over his shoulder. "My big debut, how could I have forgotten?!?! Ta-ta, darlings, my audience awaits!" Mettaton flew away with rocket legs, crashing into a high flying bird.

Toriel and Asgore made eye contact. The king chuckled nervously. "I-I uhm... have things to do, I think." He ran off without another word, leaving Toriel alone with Frisk. 

"Oh, my child.." She ran a hand through their hair, staring off at the horizon. 

"Mom... I'm twenty nine." And then Frisk had totally awesome boobage and a sweet manly man beard. 

Okay not really. 

"My child, I... was wondering. Would you... I mean, do you have anywhere to go, up here?" 

Frisk rolled their shoulders in a half shrug. "I was staying with Sans and Papyrus for a while."

Toriel tried not to let her face fall. "Oh, of course. Well, I was just wondering, is all-"

"But," Frisk continued pointedly, "those two are absolutely hopeless at taking care of themselves. I don't think they'd mind if you stayed with us, or if we stayed with you. As long as that's okay, I mean." 

"Oh, Frisk..." Toriel scooped them up in her arms, hugging them close. "Thank you, for giving me a family again." The tender moment stretched on for several long moments. "Okay, enough of that." Toriel carelessly tossed Frisk over the cliff edge and they died forever and ever. 

No but actually they all died when Papyrus drove them off a bridge a month later. 

 

OR DID THEY?!?!?!


	34. First Morning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trying to feel out these new character interactions. Some tricky business right there.

Frisk and Sans both sat around a shiny new kitchen table, nibbling on burnt toast and watching as Toriel and Papyrus argued over whether or not spaghetti was an appropriate breakfast dish. 

"I'M TELLING YOU YOUR MAJESTY, IF YOU WOULD SIMPLY LET ME COOK EVERYONE SOME DELICIOUS SPAGHETTI YOU WOULD UNDERSTAND WHY IT MUST BE SERVED EVERY MEAL-"

"Growing children need vitamins and nutrients that can't all be found in spaghetti. Now, I'm sure you'd all appreciate having something new introduced into your diets, yes? And please, just call me Toriel. I am a queen no longer." 

"PREPOSTEROUS! I HAVE SUBSISTED ENTIRELY OFF OF SPAGHETTI FOR THE LAST... HOWEVER MANY YEARS. SANS, HOW MANY YEARS HAVE I BEEN MAKING SPAGHETTI?" 

"about as long as i can remember." Sans had began stacking slices of toast on top of Frisk's head as they quietly complained about crumbs getting in their hair. 

"THANK YOU. AS A YOUNG SKELETON GROWING UP IN THE HEART OF THE UNDERGROUND, FOOD WAS SCARCELY AVAILABLE. BUT WITH THE POWER OF RAW NOODLES AND TOMATOES COMBINED WITH A POT OF WATER AND VIOLENT SMASHING, I WAS ABLE TO KEEP MYSELF AND MY BROTHER HAPPY AND HEALTHY! EVEN IN OUR DARKEST TIMES, I ALWAYS MADE SURE THERE WAS A PLATE OF WARM SPAGHETTI FOR THE BOTH OF US!" 

Toriel's gaze softened. "Oh.. well, I suppose I can allow you to make spaghetti for breakfast this morning. Though I will most certainly be handling lunch and dinner." 

"AN IDEA HAS BEEN THRUST FORTH FROM THE BRAIN OF THE GREAT PAPYRUS! WE SHALL SWITCH ON AND OFF EVERY DAY, SO THAT I MAY CONTINUE MAKING MY DELICIOUS PASTA WITH REGULARITY, AND YOU CAN MAKE FOOD TOO OR WHATEVER." 

Toriel considered this for a moment before nodding her assent. "Your terms are acceptable. Any objections?" She turned towards Frisk and Sans, who froze in the middle of their toast stacking. The tower of toasted bread stretched high enough to just barely scrape the ceiling. 

"yeah, sure, works for me." Sans threw another piece of toast on top of the stack, which was enough to send it tumbling down. Frisk blinked from under a pile of toast, flashing a thumbs up at Toriel, who sighed deeply. 

"I suppose we will be making a trip to the store for more bread, soon." She looked down, startled, as Sans dropped to one knee before her. "W-what are you.." 

Sans grinned up at her, lifting his hand as if opening something, revealing a piece of toast on his other palm. "i'd like to propose a toast." There was a beat of silence before they both broke into jolly guffaws, Frisk giggling more at Papyrus' screech than anything. 

"UN. BELIEVABLE. I NEVER THOUGHT I'D HAVE TO DEAL WITH MORE THAN ONE PUNSTER IN MY LIFE! I REALLY MUST INVEST IN SOME EARPLUGS. ...AND SOME EARS." 

Toriel gasped theatrically, a smile twitching at her mouth. "Oh, but Papyrus! A pair of ears would require so much of your... ear-nings!" 

"nah, i know this guy that owes us some cash. just let me give him an ear-ring." 

Papyrus screamed and fell to the floor as Toriel and Sans fell over each other laughing. Feeling slightly left out, Frisk laid on the floor too, cushioned by the many toasts that littered the tiles. They closed their eyes and felt warmed by the sound of laughter and enraged screaming. Living up on the surface with their family... it filled them with happiness. 

Not long after the kitchen had been cleaned of burnt toast, they all enjoyed a hearty breakfast of snail crepes with butterscotch sauce.

Toriel held Frisk's hair when it came back up.


	35. Progress

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Relationshit.

Alphys and Undyne both sat around the fish monster's kitchen table, chewing awkwardly on overcooked eggs and rubbery bacon. Neither of them made eye contact, mostly because Alphys was facing her crush's eyepatch. "S-so, uhm... seen any good m-movies lately?" 

"Alphys." Undyne whirled around in her seat, spinning several times before she stopped, facing slightly too far to the right. She scooted into an ideal position, and then violently slammed her hand on the table. Thankfully she had invested in reinforced furniture, so the table merely cracked into two pieces, rather than being utterly obliterated. "We just watched four movies last night. And two more the week before that. And six in one night last month. I ONLY watch movies with you."

Alphys shrank behind her coffee cup, earning startled applause from across the table. "T-thanks, I've been working on my size altering serum. Anyway, I-I uh... I JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT TO TALK ABOUT WITH YOU ANYMORE! All we ever do is watch anime and play extreme ultimate frisbee, deathmatch edition™!" 

"Hmm... you're right. Clearly, we have to do something DRASTIC!" Undyne slammed her hand on the air where the table used to be. Thankfully she invested in reinforced air, so it only cracked in half instead of being atomized. 

Alphys deployed an anime blush, scalding the inside of her mouth with coffee to buy herself time to speak. Unfortunately, she choked and died. 

The funeral took place on an inappropriately bright and sunny Saturday-

Okay not really. It was actually a Tuesday. 

No but Alphys drank like four cups of coffee despite only having one in front of her, so powerful was her procrastination. Undyne waited very impatiently, tapping her fingers on her thigh, which was one of the few things strong enough to survive the impact of her murder fingers. 

"I-I, uh... w-what do you mean by.. drastic?" 

"I'm gonna lay everything out on the table." Undyne paused, and glanced at the halves of the table that were split across the room. "Er, out in the open. Look... I like you. Like, like like you." 

Alphys went into shock for several seconds, her brain short circuiting. Once she finally rebooted, she immediately spewed many words that I am about to write right now. "U-Undyne, you... I-I... r-really like you too, but... b-but... I'M A FRAAAUUAUAUAUAUAUAUD!" She wailed and threw herself at the stunned fish, grabbing at her with stubby little dinosaur claws. "I-I've lied to you about everything! I-I'm not really a s-super cool playa gettin' d-dolla billz, and all that h-human history is-is just comic books and anime. IT'S NOT REAL! And one time I told you that I had to wash my hair but I don't even have hair and I saw you at the skate park and told you I had just gotten done with some mad tricks but I was only there because they serve really good hot dogs and-" 

Undyne gently closed the scientist's mouth with both hands, staring down at her with a single, unblinking eye. "Alphys... it's okay." She gently embraced the still mumbling dinosaur... and then picked her up by the leg and flung her into the wall. "You think I give a shit about any of that?!?! HELL NO! Skateboarding is for posers, and I don't even like rap music! None of that stuff matters; what matters is YOU! You're DRIVEN and ENGAGING! When you're doing something that you really love, you put ONE HUNDRED PERCENT OF YOUR BEING INTO IT! You talk about stupid anime with such PASSION and VIGOR that anyone would become interested! Everything you love, you love it with everything you've got! Including your friends! THAT'S what matters to me, not dumb crap like not having hair, or eating pizza off the floor!" Undyne bounded over and ripped Alphys out of the wall, shooting her like a basket ball back into her chair. She approached the dazed dinosaur, and yelled in her face some more. "And until you understand how AWESOME you are despite being a huge nerd, I'll be putting you through some confidence building exercises with the most self confident person I know!" 

Alphys blinked the stars out of her eyes. "U-uh.. you mean... you?" 

"Hell no, I'll get Papyrus to do it." Undyne hooked a thumb over her shoulder, pointing at the skeleton that had been hiding in the wall the whole time! He swooced right through, wearing sweatpants and a cut-off t-shirt that read 'ROCK AND BOWL' that was covered in smiling bowling pins. 

"THAT'S RIGHT! WHEN THE GREAT PAPYRUS IS DONE WHIPPING YOU INTO SHAPE, YOU WON'T BE ABLE TO THINK ABOUT ANYTHING OTHER THAN HOW COOL YOU ARE!" Papyrus grinned encouragingly as he pulled out a bull whip, cracking it through the air. Alphys shrieked and ran out the front door. "THAT'S THE SPIRIT! KEEP THOSE LEGS PUMPING!" Papyrus cackled and flew after her, snapping the whip repeatedly. 

Undyne sighed proudly, settling down in her chair and propping her feet up on the table-oh right she broke the table. Well, there went that.


	36. Fairly Stupid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What it says on the tin.

The sun was shining, birds were singing, and Sans was stuffing slices of cake into his jacket pocket. Everyone stared(except for Mettaton, who was busy recording episodes of his new show 'Surface Showdown' in bulk).

Asgore chuckled somewhat nervously, feeling the eyes of Toriel burning through him even when she wasn't looking at him. "You know... I could always make more cake, if you like it so much." 

"sorry pal, but this is an emergency." Sans shoved in a few cookies for good measure, before standing up from the checkered blanket they were all sat upon. "sorry to dessert you guys like this, but i've gotta get this package to the drop point asap." He very slowly shuffled over towards a nearby tree, flashing a thumbs up when Frisk eventually stood to gently push him behind it. Frisk walked out from the other side, but Sans did not. 

"Great. Now we're down TWO people, AND that dork took all the cake!" Undyne huffed and laid back in the grass, glaring daggers up at the cheerfully shining sun. What'd the sun have to be so happy about, HUH?! 

"Fear not Undyne, for I always keep an extra slice of cake on my person!" Asgore dug around in his beard, pulling out a delicate china plate with a slice of strawberry cake on top. He waggled his eyebrows and reached behind his ear, producing a fork from behind it. "There you are!" Undyne accepted the plate hesitantly, unsure of when Asgore had last washed his beard. 

"OH MY GOD, HOW DID YOU DO THAT?!??! ARE YOU SOME SORT OF WIZARD?!" Papyrus' head spun like a pinwheel to express his flabbergastedness. 

Toriel laid a gentle hand on his skull, adjusting it so that it was upright. "Papyrus, dear, we're monsters. We can all do magic. Although Asgore always was a bit of a magician." Said boss monster swallowed nervously, shrinking under his ex-wife's gaze. 

"NO, I REFUSE TO ACCEPT THIS SORCERY AS NORMAL MONSTER MAGIC! HE MUST BE SOME SORT OF WARLOCK, LIKE IN MY STORIES! REVEAL TO ME YOUR SECRETS, OH WISE AND POWERFUL ASGORE!" 

The king laughed jovially. "Oh Papyrus, you sure know how to flatter an old monster, but I'm afraid there's no trick to it. I really do just keep cake in my beard and forks behind my ear." 

"...OH," the skeleton replied flatly, looking as if all his dreams had been crushed. And then he shredded a cucumber sandwich with his horrifyingly large teeth. 

"S-so uh, Frisk, as nice as this all is... y-you did say there was a r-reason you gathered everyone here, r-right?" Always one to get the plot moving, Alphys tucked away her phone, which she might have been using to look up things of a possibly lewd nature. WHO KNOWS?!?!?! 

"Oh, right." Frisk nibbled on a cookie, turning their gaze on all the monsters looking at them so intently. "There's a renaissance fair in the next town over, and I thought we could all go. Well, most of us at least." 

There was a rabble of confusion. 

"Oh, right, you guys don't have those. Uhm, it's basically... like a historical festival-"

"HUMAN HISTORY?!!" Undyne screeched. "Will there be giant fighting robots and giant swords wielded by normal sized princesses who fight the giant fighting robots?!?!?!" 

Alphys suddenly adopted a look of mortal terror. 

Feeling sympathetic for the filthy lying dinosaur, Frisk tried to come up with something. "Uhh... this is celebrating the period after all of that. The.. robot fighting... era, was a dark time for humanity. So we focus on the time after, when there was lots of technological and artistic progress." 

"I for one think this sounds like a very valuable educational experience. If we wish to reintegrate with the surface, then we need to understand human culture and history to better avoid misunderstandings." Everyone clapped as Toriel bowed modestly. 

"U-uh, right! Gotta.. know more about the humans, so we don't offend anyone!" Asgore waited a few beats before deflating. 

"HUMAN, IS WHAT YOU SPEAK THE AGE OF CHIVALRY? WHEN HANDSOME, STALWART KNIGHTS WOULD RIDE INTO BATTLE AGAINST FEROCIOUS DRAGONS, AND SAVE BEAUTIFUL ROBOT PRINCESSES?" 

God why did Frisk have to be in the position where telling the truth would crush the dreams of their friends- "Uhm, this is after that. There were still knights and princesses, but.. no robots or dragons." 

"NYEEEH! I DON'T KNOW ABOUT THIS..." 

"We get to dress up in cool knight costumes." 

"ALRIGHT, COUNT ME IN! I, PAPYRUS, WILL BE THE MOST HONORABLETASTIC KNIGHT OF THEM ALL!" 

"Oh yeah? WE'LL JUST SEE ABOUT THAT!" Undyne and Papyrus made intense anime eye contact, while electric guitars and violins played frantically in the background. A lightning bolt flashed despite the lack of clouds. 

"Oh dear," Toriel fretted, "now, let's just all calm down. I'm sure both of you would make superb knights." Fish face and skeleton face both proudly posed in the exact same way, which prompted more anime eye contact as they tried to pose harder than one another. 

Frisk patted a worried Toriel on the thigh. "They might be a while." 

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

An undetermined amount of time later found the group of monsters (and one honorary monster) all loitering around the entrance to the fair grounds. Toriel clinked around the group in a set of chainmail, making sure everyone had water and snacks despite Frisk's assurance that the fair had food and beverages available for purchase. The armored dork brigade got their ticket stubs and headed into the fair proper, which proved to be a wonderland of old timey attractions and experiences. It was also a veritable breeding ground of other nerds in armor and era appropriate dress, both monster and human alike. 

Alphys took a deep breath through her beaked helmet, pausing halfway to scramble for her inhaler. "B-boy, who doesn't love the fresh smell of... manure?" There was a wave of wrinkled noses and snouts and nostrils and... skeleton. 

"WOWIE! THIS PLACE SMELLS TERRIBLE!"

"Yeah, they didn't exactly have showers back then. Some people take their reenacting... very seriously." 

Asgore surreptitiously sniffed his underarm. Several of his closer beard hairs shriveled and turned to ash. 

"SO!" Frisk clapped their hands together, excited to get everyone moving and having fun. "Where should we go first? There's live music, glass blowing, smithing, jousting-" 

Undyne roared and beat her chest with both fists. "I'll clobber 'em!"

Papyrus gently edged away from her. "I UH, THINK JOUSTING WILL BE OUR FIRST STOP!" 

"You guys do realize that we can't participate, right-" 

"Shut it, nerd! When they see the Captain of the Royal Guard in all her glory, they'll HAVE to let me compete!" Undyne gathered everyone up in one hand, blasting off with regular feet towards where jousting may or may not be happening!

After receiving directions from Frisk, they all stopped outside of the jousting arena, Undyne carelessly dropping her friends in a heap. The arena consisted of a long, fenced off field with a low wall in the middle, to separate the two jousters. Stands had been set up along one edge of the area, and were filling up with people. Both jousters were already on the field, one in gilded silver armor and the other playing the part of the ubiquitous black knight. 

"HEY, YOU!" The black knight's helmet turned towards the yelling fish princess-knight. "YEAH, YOU! LISTEN UP, FRIEND PAL BUDDY BUDDY FRIEND CHUM PAL GUY BUDDY CHUMMY CHUM FRIEND COMRADE! YOU'RE SITTIN' THIS ONE OUT, GOT IT? IT'S UNDYNE'S TURN TO SHINE!" The knight eyed her blankly before returning to his preparations. 

"Undyne, certainly we can all have fun just watching, yes?" Always the voice of reason (usually), Toriel stepped forward and put a matronly hand on Undyne's poofy sleeved shoulder. 

BUT UNDYNE WASN'T HAVING NONE OF IT. She flipped up into the air, spinning four hundred and eighteen thousand degrees before she landed in front of the black knight, hard packed soil cracking under her boots. The horse the knight was sat upon whinnied in distress, rearing back and kicking out with its front hooves. Undyne caught both of them before they could touch her, heaving and straining before suplexing both horse and rider. She roared victoriously, leaving them both in a heap as she jumped on top of the dividing wall. The audience watched on in confusion as Frisk and the gang watched in dread and anticipation. 

"That's right, everyone! That chump is FINISHED! Today, Undyne is gonna show you what REAL jousting looks like!" Undyne produced a glowing spear in either hand, twirling them theatrically before slapping them together above her head, producing a massive teal lance that even she had to carry with both hands. She thrusted it up into the air and roared, and the audience cheered back. "Alright, let's DO THIS!" The gilded knight shrugged and got into position, his horse leaping into a gallop. Undyne grinned, shark like, and exploded into motion. The earth behind her dented into a massive crater as she took off, moving so fast that she barely touched the wooden fence beneath her. Even still, the wood splintered with every step. The crowd gasped in awe as she raced forward, clearing the distance in microseconds. The gilded knight had one moment to regret everything in his life that had lead up to this before the tip of Undyne's lance brushed against his shield. 

A mushroom cloud erupted. The earth shook violently from the sheer impact, and the jousting arena was no more. Bystanders were flung to and fro by the explosion, including Frisk and the gunder gang, yes that's what I'm calling them now okay maybe not. Undyne was left alone on the field, in front of a horse shaped shadow on the ground and a suit of armor that looked more like crumpled aluminum foil. "Well, that was kinda lame." 

"I THOUGHT IT WAS PRETTY NEATO ACTUALLY!" Oh, I guess Papyrus was there too. He hung from the branches of a tree that was stripped of both leaves and bark, dangling awkwardly. He wiggled back and forth, the branches eventually snapping under his weight. He landed on the ground in a heap of bones and armor, taking a moment to reconstitute himself. "WOWIE! IF ALL JOUSTING IS LIKE THAT, THEN I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE THIS MAGICAL FAIR!" 

Undyne glanced around the blasted hellscape that the jousting arena had become. "...I don't think there's gonna be anymore jousting anytime soon." 

Meanwhile, the rest of the fair's patrons were screaming and running around in circles after the explosion. Haha but no, they actually evacuated in a calm and orderly fashion, except for Asgore, who was helping himself to a pair of ham shanks, and Frisk, who was begging Toriel to let them take one of the lutes that had been left behind. 

All in all, Frisk thought things had gone pretty well. 

Oh, and also Sans made some serious scratch off his ill gotten pastries. 

And also also Mettaton's recording went very well, just in case you were wondering.


	37. Dating Knight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A valiant knight indeed!

Alphys and Undyne were both sat in a booth at Grillbus Maxima, which had just recently opened up in ambiguous surface city. In an attempt to better appeal to humans, Grillby had turned his bar into a high class Greek eatery. Of course, considering his lack of knowledge involving human history, the only thing Greek about it was the addition of Caesar salads, and the togas that every employee was required to wear. Business was better than it had ever been. But we aren't here to talk about Grillby, now are we? ...Are we? I don't know anymore. 

Anyway Alphys and Undyne were enjoying their grease dripping burgers, engaging in light conversation. Laughs were shared and the scientist blushed a possibly unhealthy number of times, and at one point Undyne tried to convince her to sing along to the pop spewing jukebox. All in all, it was a fairly promising first date. UNTIL!!!!!!!!!!

"HALT!" Came a booming and painfully familiar voice. Every head turned towards the front door, where stood Papyrus, dressed in a suit of shining paper mache armor. "THE DATE KNIGHT HAS ARRIVED!" He (somehow) clanked over to his friends, who were currently adopting expressions of utter suffering. "NYEH HEH! GREETINGS, DEAR FRIENDS! I HAVE ARRIVED TO WHISK YOU AWAY TO YOUR MAGICAL DATE NIGHT!" Before any protests could be made, Papyrus scooped them both up in either arm. He then proceeded to ignore the protesting that followed, skipping out of the restaurant with friends in hand and leaving a shower of dates behind him. He took off into the sky once they made it outside, flying off into the dark, never to be seen again. 

Except for when he landed in front of his own house, unceremoniously dropping Alphys and Undyne into the snow that collected on the front yard despite it being summer. Undyne flopped around like a dying fish as her girlfriend(?????) flopped around like a dying... dinosaur. 

"WOWIE, WE MADE GREAT TIME! COME, MY FRIENDS! BEYOND THIS DOOR LIES SOMETHING BEYOND YOUR WILDEST IMAGINATIONS!" He waited just long enough for them to stand and Undyne to begin barking at him before he thrust open the front door, revealing a blinding flash of light. 

"A-aahh! My eyes!" Alphys was immediately blinded forever for the rest of her life. Until she blinked a few times and she could see again, at least. Undyne, on the other hand, glared at the source of the blinding light so hard that it went out, the bulb of the spotlight that Frisk had pushed into the doorway shattering into dust. 

Frisk sighed and strained to push the spotlight out of frame, muttering something about Undyne needing to lighten up. They received a high five from Sans off screen. 

"...WELL, SHALL WE CONTINUE?" Papyrus 'NYEH'd nervously, tugging at the collar of his armor. Then his confidence came back full force, and he whisked them inside. He tossed aside his egg beater once they made it into the house proper, where all the furniture in the living room was mysteriously missing, save for a table for two with a white tablecloth and an electric candle on it, along with a basket of complementary breadsticks. Over in the corner, Sans, Toriel and Frisk were playing a soothing melody on the trombone, piano, and kazoo respectively. Mettaton was also there, but he didn't appear to be playing any instruments. He was just... lying seductively atop the piano. He and Frisk occasionally winked back and forth at one another. 

"...When the heck did you guys get a piano?" 

"QUESTIONS? UNACCEPTABLE! ONLY GOOD TIMES ARE TO BE HAD, AND SAID GOOD TIMES ARE TO REMAIN UNQUESTIONED!" Papyrus ripped out of his paper mache armor, revealing a paper mache waiter's outfit. "LADIES, PLEASE, HAVE A SEAT. YOUR APPETIZERS WILL BE OUT SHORTLY." And then he flounced away into the kitchen, where Asgore was wearing a chef's hat that was almost as tall as he was. 

Feeling bemused and mildly amused, a double whammy, Alphys beckoned Undyne over to the table and settled into the seat across from her. "W-well.. they certainly went all out." She flicked the flame of the electric candle, making it wobble. "Relatively speaking."

"Ugh, couldn't they have waited until we were done with our actual date before pulling this crap?" Undyne sipped moodily at her water which I just decided had been on the table the whole time. 

"I t-think it's kind of sweet, actually." Alphys tore into a breadstick despite having just eaten. "..I think they bought these from Olive Garden." She peered closer. "...T-the basket is from Olive Garden too. Guys, did you s-steal this?" She didn't receive an answer, aside from a 'NYEH' that echoed out of the kitchen, along with the sound of banging pots and pans. How lewd. 

"You were saying?" Undyne raised an eye... brow? Does Undyne even have eyebrows? Whatever. She raised an eyebrow that may or may not exist.

"W-what matters is that they're trying to make us happy," Alphys replied staunchly. "And if it'll make them happy to watch us choke down some of Papyrus' spaghetti, then I'm completely willing." 

"I guess you make a good point." Undyne fought back a smile, sending it screaming into the darkest pits of Hell. But then another one snuck by and took up residence on her face. "You little twerp, you need a permit to live there!" Undyne began wrestling with her mouth, pile driving it into the floor. The band (and Mettaton) watched on in concern. 

"APPETIZERINOS COMING RIGHT UP!" Papyrus screeched, cartwheeling into the room with a plate clenched between his teeth. He flung it through the air, and it landed on the table with a clatter. It was a plate of... tiny meat pies! How adorable. Looking pleasantly surprised, Alphys picked up her silverware which I also retconned in and ate a bite of the pie. 

"W-wow, this is really good! What's in it?" Undyne looked curious as well, even with half a meat pie dangling out of her mouth. 

"NYEH HEH! IT IS A TENDER BLEND OF HERBS AND SPICES COMBINED WITH FOUR DIFFERENT EETALAYAN CHEESES, AND WHITE GRAVY. ALSO THERE'S BAKED FISH AND SMOKED DINOSAUR IN IT." Alphys spat out her half chewed bite, looking repulsed. Undyne merely shrugged and ate the rest of her pie. "JUST KIDDING; IT'S DUCK. HERE'S SOME WINE, ON THE HOUSE." A bottle of white wine crashed through the ceiling like a lead weight, landing neatly on the table alongside a pair of wine glasses. "YOUR ENTREES WILL BE OUT SHORTLY! NYEEEEEEEEH!" Papyrus backflipped back into the kitchen. 

Alphys, looking slightly ill, immediately drank half a glass of wine. Undyne devoured the rest of the meat pies as the band began playing a different tune, Mettaton pulling a microphone out of... somewhere, to begin singing about milky twilights. Once finished with the meat pies, Undyne carelessly tossed the plate over her shoulder. Frisk leapt into the air and caught it with their teeth, and began crunching happily. 

The scientist nibbled nervously on a breadstick, trying to avoid the sultry eye contact that her creation was attempting to catch her in. Luckily, she was saved by the arrival of Papyrus, walking normally for once with a plate balanced on each palm. He placed either one in front of the two dinner daters. "YOUR MEAL... HAS ARRIVED! PLEASE ENJOY, LADIES! NYEH HEH HEH!" He then vanished in a puff of smoke, and walked out of that puff of smoke and into another room a few moments later. 

Alphys and Undyne both hesitantly peered down at their plates, finding... spaghetti. How surprising! Alphys' pasta appeared to have been flash frozen; it was covered in frost and hard as a brick. Undyne's, on the other hand, was literally on fire. The former Head of the Royal Guard made non intense regular cartoon eye contact with her girlfriend(!!!!), before shrugging and biting into a forkful of her flaming spaghetti. Alphys settled with the breadsticks. 

Minutes passed in this manner. Mettaton ran through his endless repertoire of pop songs as the band struggled to keep up, Papyrus and Asgore chatted very loudly in the kitchen, and Undyne ate a whole plate of fire spaghetti without even complaining about it. Let's give her a hand, ladies and gentlemen. 

Anyway Papyrus eventually came back into the room, the moustache drawn on his face looking slightly droopy. "I TRUST YOU BOTH HAD A WONDERFUL, ROMANTIC EVENING AT CASA DE SKELE?" 

"The pasta was a little cold," Undyne replied blasély.

Papyrus' head whirled around in shock, his hands slapped over his cheeks. "OH MY GOD, I CAN'T BELIEVE IT! WE FAIIIIIIILLLLLEEEEEEEED!" he wailed at the top of his.. sternum. Sans soon took up the call as well, followed by Frisk. Before long everyone in the house that wasn't Undyne or Alphys was wailing one long note of despair. 

"N-no, no she didn't mean that, it was f-fine the date was wonderful!" Alphys placated frantically. The horrible screeching noise cut into silence, and everyone stared at her with shining eyes. 

"Y-YOU REALLY MEAN IT?!?!?!!?!?!?" Every head turned to stare at Undyne, who sighed and crossed her arms. 

"..It was fine." 

A loud cheer went up. Asgore danced out of the kitchen, the top of his hat brushing against the ceiling. Papyrus whirled around in excitement, whipping up a powerful whirlwind. Toriel squealed and lifted Sans onto her shoulders, running around in circles as the skeleton threw his arms into the air in glee. Mettaton leapt to his feet, gyrating wildly as Frisk posed dramatically beside him. 

"Yeah, we're done here." Undyne practically jumped out of her seat, dragging Alphys by her claw out the front door. They stood out on the front porch, staring at the air next to each other. 

"L-listen, Undyne... I k-know you probably didn't enjoy yourself, and I'm r-really sorry-" Alphys squeaked as a finger pressed over her mouth, Undyne staring down at her with uncharacteristic tenderness. 

"I think you're the one that needs to listen. Alphys... I know that whatever I do with you, no matter what it is, it's gonna be awesome. Not because you chose awesome things to do, even though that's usually the case; I know it'll be awesome because I'm doing it with you. Even when it sucks hard, like that sham of a date, I still enjoy myself. Because of you. Am I making this clear enoug-" It was Undyne's turn to be cut off as a scaly mouth pressed lightly against her own. 

"...T-thanks, Undyne." Alphys blushed a deep red, looking suddenly bashful. "...Y-you wanna watch some Princess Pulverizer when we get home?" 

"You know it." Undyne wrapped an arm around her girlfriend's shoulders, leading her off the porch and down the street. 

Tragically, they were both struck by a speeding car mere minutes later. 

 

 

OR WERE THEY!!??!??


	38. Better Days

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything is as it should be.

Frisk experienced many things. A warm summer's day, and the cool wind teasing through their hair. Sunlight shimmering over water, and blades of grass tickling their bare feet. The taste of barbeque, sweet and spicy. The sound of laughter, raucous and warming. A comforting embrace, one that promised safety and love. Tears, hot and trickling. Happiness, filling and bursting and overflowing. 

The feeling of a beach ball thunking them directly in the forehead. Frisk rubbed their head in mild irritation. A short skeleton stared back at them, dressed in bone printed swim trunks and a tank top that read 'Pun in the Sun'. "you alright, kiddo? you've kinda been... sitting there with those ribs in your hands for a while." 

Frisk glanced down, seeing the half eaten pair of ribs in their barbeque sauce covered hands. "Yeah. I was just... thinking." 

"don't hurt yourself." Sans moseyed on over to settle on the bench next to them, slipping an arm around their shoulders. the hard press of bone was oddly comforting. "must've been thinkin' pretty hard. your face was all screwed up." He attempted to imitate the look on their face, but the lack of facial muscles made it difficult. "ah, forget about it. i'll face that shortcoming another time." 

Frisk giggled quietly, nibbling on their ribs. "Yeah, I was just... thinking about how lucky I am. Being with you guys, and stuff." 

"you're in one of those kinda moods, huh?" Receiving a nod, Sans scooted a little closer, his femur brushing against Frisk's thigh. "anything in particular set this off?" 

Frisk shrugged one shoulder, shaking a bit of hair out of their face. "I just... remembered a dream I had, back in the Underground. About summer on the surface, and how much I missed it. And... I realized that it was a stupid dream." 

"yeah, why's that?" Sans looked at them curiously from the corner of his socket. 

"Because it didn't have you guys." Frisk peered out at the beach, where Undyne and Alphys were locked in an intense volley ball match against Papyrus and Mettaton. Not far from them was Toriel, sat under a parasol with a book in hand. Frisk glanced backwards, catching sight of Asgore grilling on their condo's patio. 

"you're a real sap, kid. lucky for you, i'm into that kinda thing." Sans squeezed the human around the shoulders, his permanent grin looking more like a sincere smile. He chuckled as a pair of waggling eyebrows were turned his way. "feelin' frisk-y, huh? sorry, but the bone zone is off limits." 

"C'mon, Sans. I'm feeling bone-ly." Frisk pouted out their lower lip. 

"bone-ly, huh?" Sans leaned back, grin frozen on his face. "well, we can't have that. guess it'll be my sacred duty to make sure you never feel alone again." Sans bumped his forehead affectionately against the side of Frisk's head-

-and recieved a knife between the ribs in return. His sockets widened slowly, staring at the face of his murderer. Frisk smiled at him so wide that the corners of their mouth tore, blood spilling freely down their chin. Tiny spots of blush rested high on their cheeks, and their soulful eyes had been replaced by sanguine pits. They laughed joyously, face melting into blackened sludge as Sans turned to dust. The last thing he saw was piercing eyes and a mocking smile. 

Sans crashed to the floor beside his bed, sweat beading down his skull and ribcage heaving. He glanced frantically around his darkened bedroom, eye lighting up with soft blue light as he flipped his lamp on. He eventually caught his breath, shakily standing up and stumbling towards his door. He creaked it open, stepping out into the hallway. He slowly shuffled across the hardwood floor, bare feet clacking conspicuously. He opened the door across from his, pushing it aside just enough to peer inside. He saw Frisk, practically swallowed up by their thick, fluffy blankets and numerous pillows. They looked as innocent and peaceful as he knew they were. He slowly shut the door. 

Sans went to Grillby's.


	39. PANIC!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No disco, unfortunately.

Frisk and friends (shit, that's what I should have named this damn story) were all out and about on a fine summer's morning, frolicking through the park and inadvertently terrorizing the few other humans and monsters trying to enjoy themselves. Papyrus and Undyne were the greatest offenders, what with their constant screaming and random use of deadly magic spears, respectively. Apparently their status as celebrities was outweighed by the tales of their misadventures (Guys, I SAID I was sorry! Besides, it's not like anyone died!!) on the surface.

Frisk, Papyrus, Undyne, and Alphys were currently involved in a game of TURBO ULTIMATE EXTREME FRISBEE DEATHMATCH EDITION™. It was like regular Ultimate Extreme Frisbee Deathmatch Edition™, but the frisbee had attached rocket feet or whatever and now moved at supersonic speeds. 

Meanwhile, Sans was sat off on the sidelines with Toriel, quietly exchanging really, REALLY bad puns with her so that he could receive those sweet, satisfying gigglesnorts; the mark of a pun well delivered. "heard doggo was gonna try for an aeronautical degree. eye told him it's a far fetched idea, but he refuses to see reason." Gee, wasn't that something special? Toriel sure thought so. Also Asgore and Mettaton were there! Boy isn't that swell. Mettaton was currently attempting to chatter the king's ear off as the furry boss monster intently studied a nearby honeysuckle bush. 

"Hey, over here!" Frisk yelled to Papyrus, leaping as far off the ground as their stubby legs would allow them and waving around their arms. Papyrus 'NYEH'd and tossed the frisbee their way. They were then sawed in half by it, but their best skellie bro had brought some masking tape so it was okay. 

"U-uh... don't you g-guys think this game is a bit dangerous?" Alphys stared down at her missing claws, scenes of wartime horror flashing behind her eyes. 

"DUH! That's the whole point! It creates excitement and intrigue. It creates the question: Who will fall next?!" Undyne, naturally, was entirely unharmed. She easily caught the frisbee that Frisk had hucked at her, throwing it to Papyrus so hard that the air behind it ignited in a trail of blazing fire. Papyrus caught it in his teeth, the sheer impact exploding his skull into bite sized fragments. "YEAH, now THAT's what I'm talkin' about!" Undyne ran over to give the skeleton a high five, and accidentally snapped his arm off in the process. "...We can fix that." 

Several minutes later found our brave heroes haphazardly taped back together, winding down from their game as they joined Sans and Toriel. 

"Well, it certainly looks like you all had a nice time." Toriel held up a picnic basket full of bottled water and tiny sandwiches, which was quickly and brutally devastated. It was a massacre. Soon enough Asgore and Mettaton had joined the group amongst the picnic tables, and they all chatted nonsensically with one another. Several weeks or possibly seconds passed in this manner, before Mettaton dramatically draped himself over the picnic table. 

"My dearest friends, I have an announcement to make!" He leapt to his feet and did a high kick, before gently resting his foot on top of Papyrus' head. "Recently, very recently, as in several minutes ago, I received the news that someone had won the grand prize for the MTT Vacation Sweepstakes!" He paused dramatically. Someone coughed. "Anyway, the winner was none other... than me!" 

Alphys was first up to speak by process of random selection. "I-is that.. legal?" There was a general murmur of agreement. 

"But of course! I paid for my ticket fair and square!" 

"funny, i thought you were a rectangle." Sans and Frisk snickered and exchanged high fives.

"AHEM." Mettaton crossed his arms and pouted out his lower lip, looking miffed at the shift in attention. "As I was trying to say, we now have an all expenses paid trip to nondescript Vacation City!" The robot positively squealed in excitement, as if he had actually won a trip without cheating like a big pumpkin eating sonuvabitch. 

"When do we leave?" That was Frisk, asking the important questions. 

"Tomorrow night," Mettaton replied casually. Seven faces stared at him, at least several of them stricken with horror. And by several, I mean three. Which ones? You decide! 

"Is something wrong, darlings?" Mettaton waved his hand in front of Toriel's frozen face. 

"HURRY, MY FRIENDS! WE MUST PREPARE FOR THE END!" Papyrus' head began slowly spinning as he produced a noise like a wailing siren. And then chaos descended upon them. Asgore ripped his Hawaiian shirt off, bellowing and beating his fists against his dudely chest as he ran out of the park. Toriel squawked like a parakeet, flapping her arms so hard that she took off into the sky at mach 4. Sans and Frisk touched fingertips, spinning in a circle and chanting ancient Latin. A gaster blaster descended from above and they hopped aboard, blasting away. Papyrus spun all four limbs at ludicrous speeds, hovering above the ground. He wailed all the way out of the park, frightening passers-by. Alphys pressed a button on her phone, and it unraveled into a fourteen foot mech suit. She crawled inside and fired a barrage of missiles into the air before flying away with rocket feet. Undyne glared up at the missiles so hard that they exploded prematurely, then flexed until her biceps caught on fire. She was propelled into the air by a streak of flames, disappearing behind a low hanging cloud. 

"Well, they certainly seem excited," Mettaton chirped brightly.


	40. Vay-Cay Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hooray!

Frisk and friends were spread amongst their various domiciles, all of them preparing for their upcoming trip in their own special ways. Sans slept in an open suitcase as Papyrus frantically shoved clothing into his own suitcase, which had fire stripes to make it go extra fast. Toriel and Frisk packed much more calmly, making small talk as they folded exact replicas of the outfits that they always wore. 

A ways down the street, Asgore silently packed Hawaiian shirts and khaki shorts in a carrying bag decorated with silken flowers as a downtempo house playlist played in the background, to really emphasize the loneliness. 

Undyne had headed over to her girlfriend's house for packing purposes, considering most of her clothes and travel essentials were over there anyway. Alphys neurotically folded and pressed every single article of clothing, organizing them by type, color, and material. Undyne wadded all of her clothes up into a ball, shoving them into her suitcase and kicking it shut when it refused to close. Her kick closed it so hard that it turned inside out, spilling clothes all over the floor. She enlisted Alphys to help her pack. 

In the heart of the village/town/city/metropolis that they lived in, Mettaton rolled idly around his high rise apartment, filled to bursting with excitement. Being as he owned the resort they were going to and had his own personal suite, he had no need to pack. Also he was a robot and didn't need to wear clothes. He pushed open the door to his balcony even though it was a sliding door, thrusting himself atop the railing that kept him from falling to his death. His screen flashed his signature 'M', and he cleared the throat he didn't have. Just as the first note of his improvised song rang out, high and clear, he toppled over the edge and died forever. For real this time. Actually. 

 

 

Okay not really. He actually flew into the sky with his built in rocket pack, filling the commercial air space with his dulcet tones. He flew over the land, blessing passers-by with the sound of his beautiful singing. This continued for several hours, before he finally touched down in front of the airport, right where all his lovely friends had been instructed to wait. Wow, what a transition.

"Greetings, lovelies! Don't you all look absolutely wonderful this evening," he gushed, twirling in a circle around them. He threw in a few funky gyrations before leaping into the air, transforming fabulously into his glorious MAX form. He landed in a split with his head thrown back, and a bucket of water fell from overhead to soak his luxurious hair. Everyone clapped uproariously. Frisk wolf whistled. "Thank you, thank you. I do bar mitzvahs and children's birthday parties." A shower of business cards rained from the sky. 

"so uh, this is real metta-tastic and all, but shouldn't we be catching our flight soon?" 

"Don't worry your pretty little skull, my dear. I have a private jet on standby, just for the occasion." Mettaton took a second look at the group, noting their suitcases and travel bags. "Oh, whatever do you have all of that for?" 

There was a general murmuring of confusion. Asgore raised a hand meekly. "Uh. They're clothes and supplies for the vacation?" 

"Nonsense!" Mettaton kicked a leg in the air. "Why would you ever need something as silly as that... when I've purchased full wardrobes for all of yoooouuu~!" He sang the last word out so high that his optical lenses cracked in half. "Oh dear, I don't remember there being two of all of you. I might have to expand on your wardrobes.." 

"F-full wardrobe?!" Alphys squeaked, looking slightly faint. "M-Mettaton, that's r-really not necessary-" 

"But of course it is," he replied passionately. "Only the best is acceptable for my dearest friends. Why else would I rig the contest as an excuse to take you all out on vacation? I mean, the opposite of that." Everyone was stunned into silence.

After a moment of silent stunning, I mean stunned silence, Frisk wormed their way out of the group and approached the fabtastic robot. They threw their arms around him, even though the vents on his abdomen dug awkwardly into their chest. "Thanks, Mettaton," they mumbled into his chestplate, staring up at him with big, shimmering eyes. 

Mettaton squealed and clutched Frisk against his bosom, shaking them back and forth. "Oh, my dearest Frisk, you are so very welcome! You are all welcome, my friends! Oh, I can already tell that this is going to be the best vacation ever! Now, let us goooooo!" He extended his arm out like a floppy metal noodle, wrapping it around the rest of the group as he deployed his rocket legs. They flew off into the air, soaring high, high up in the sky. Then they fell like a bunch of rocks, crashing into the tarmac. Everyone died horribly, the end. 

Anyway they all landed safely beside a sleek looking private jet, which had Mettaton MAX's uncomfortably attractive face painted on the side, surrounded by starbursts of colorful lightning bolts. 

"OH MY GOD, SANS, IT'S A PLANE! HELLO PLANE OF INDETERMINABLE GENDER, I'M YOUR BIGGEST FAN! I'VE BEEN PRACTICING MY FLYING A LOT, SO I CAN GROW UP TO BE JUST LIKE YOU ONE DAY!" Papyrus was the first one up the portable staircase leading into the jet, bounding up the steps by twos and threes. Everyone else followed behind in a surprisingly orderly fashion, Toriel having to duck under the entrance way and Asgore having to literally crawl inside. Frisk brought up the rear, giving a piggy back ride to a snoozing Sans. 

The interior of the jet could only be described as top of the line luxury. Big, cushy leather seats, a built in bar, a seventy inch flatscreen, and a gold lined jacuzzi were all crammed into the jet. 

"WOWIE! THE FANCINESS LEVELS ARE THROUGH THE ROOF!" Papyrus marveled up at the ceiling, which had a mosaic of Mettaton in a kimono painted on it. 

"Only the best, my dear. Only the best." Mettaton stepped out of the cockpit, wearing a captain's hat and a flight attendant's uniform with an outrageously short skirt. Toriel covered Frisk's eyes. "Now, all of you get comfy, because this is going to be a long flight. Feel free to help yourself to refreshments, and to use the jacuzzi. If you don't have a swimsuit packed you can find one under your seat, and there's four bathrooms in the back where you can change. Welcome to MTT Airlines, I hope you all enjoy your flight!" With a little skip and a twirl that showed off way too much leg he disappeared back into the cockpit, leaving everyone to get settled. 

The cabin was filled with the sound of idle chatter as the monsters put away their bags and settled into their seats, which had built in cupholders and MP3 players. Toriel and Asgore were pleasantly surprised to find the chairs more than large enough to comfortably fit them; indeed, the chairs were so large that they could easily sit two of the other monsters. Which is inevitably what happened. Alphys and Undyne both snuggled up in one seat, the dinosaur pulling out a portable DVD player and sliding in the first of four disks for Mew Mew Kissy Cutie, volume one. Toriel and Asgore sat as far away from each other as was possible, Asgore staring mournfully out the Mettaton shaped window as Toriel produced seemingly endless seatbelts to securely strap Frisk in. By the end, they weren't even visible under all the straps. Satisfied, she returned to her seat. Sans appeared as if from nowhere to settle into the seat beside Frisk, both of them practically being swallowed up by the mountains of leather. Finally, Papyrus somehow took up three seats at once despite them only being paired in twos. 

"BZZZT," Mettaton said over the intercom, which was clear and free of static. "This is your captain speaking. Buckle in dearies, because we'll be taking off in just a few minutes~!" 

And then the jet immediately lifted off the ground, exploding through the air at a million billion miles per hour. The sheer G force turned the entire plane inside out, and everyone fell screaming to their-okay, you know what? Enough of that. Everybody lived happily ever after, and by that I mean the flight was smooth and comfortable despite moving at a million billion miles per hour. Snacks were had and drinks were shared, and Asgore accidentally the jacuzzi by absorbing all the water into his fur. Needless to say, he wasn't allowed back in. Undyne swam beneath the water like a shark, emerging to roar ferociously at anyone that dared step foot inside. Unless it was Alphys, of course; Undyne was much too busy admiring how adorable she looked in a swimsuit to act like the terror of the deep.

Several hours passed in this manner, conversation rising and falling in comfortable waves. As the sunlight faded through the windows and the overhead cabin lights dimmed, everyone settled down, prepared to catch a few hours of sleep before touchdown. Until Mettaton kicked his way through the cockpit door, dressed like a decadent disco dandy. "The sun sets, and night falls upon us. As the starlight twinkles overhead... the dance floor lights up below!" The entire floor flashed to life, blinking squares of every color known to man and monster, and some known only to Martians lighting up the cabin. Nu disco blared through the speakers that were suddenly all over the place, and Mettaton proceeded to get down on the dance floor. "Join me, friends! The party doesn't stop until we make it to Vacation City!" 

Papyrus leapt at the opportunity to show off his dancing skills, ripping out of his battle body to reveal his hand stitched Elvis inspired suit, which he was apparently wearing the whole time. "STAND BACK AND BASK IN AWE, FOR I AM ABOUT TO DAZZLE AND AMAZE YOU WITH MY INCREDIBLE DANCE MOVES!" Papyrus proceeded to break it down so poorly that he actually built a monument to his terrible dancing on accident. "...THAT WAS A FLUKE. THIS JUST ISN'T MY KIND OF MUSIC, IS ALL!" And so Papyrus was left to pout in his seat as everyone somehow managed to dance in the not very big cabin, wearing disco outfits that they apparently wore under their regular clothes at all times. Mettaton couldn't have been happier. 

"Come, darling! I shall teach you the ways of funk!" He reached back with a stretchy noodle arm to grasp Papyrus around the waist, receiving a startled 'NYEH!?!' as he pulled the skeleton onto the dance floor. Everyone watched in awe as Mettaton put on the show of a lifetime, dancing a dance for two all by himself, and also Papyrus was there too. 

Sunlight peeked through the windows, and the monsters within the cabin were absolutely wrecked. Every seat had been leaned back to create what amounted to giant leather beds, and everyone was sprawled haphazardly upon them. Alphys was held protectively by a dozing Undyne, and Frisk was in a similar position with Sans. Mettaton was slumped against the wall with his charger plugged into his side. Asgore was half on the seats and half in the aisle, snoring up a storm. Papyrus was hanging from the ceiling for some reason, and Toriel was in the cockpit, screaming her head off as she attempted to land the plane on the incoming runway without killing everyone. Luckily they all landed safely and everything was perfectly fine. 

OR WAS IT?!?!?!


	41. Vay-Cay Part 1.5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things will actually happen soon probably maybe.

After their tumultuous touchdown, the entire Creature Crew slid down the inflatable emergency slide and out onto the tarmac, throwing their hands in the air is if they were ambivalent about something that will remain unspecified. They were immediately melted into goop by the searing hot afternoon sun, which had the tarmac sizzling and the air shimmering. Mettaton retrieved his handy dandy MTT brand Liquid Receptacle™ and scooped them all up, carrying the disgusting monster/human slurry with one hand, and all their baggage with the other. 

"Bit of a hot one out today, wouldn't you say?" A gurgled, warbling moan was the response. "Don't worry darlings, the condo we'll be staying in is air conditioned!" He blasted off into the air with his rocket legs, as opposed to rocket hands or a rocket face. Gee, how cool would that be? Not very, because rockets are extremely hot.

The island city of Vacation City was very ambiguously nondescript, but it was probably really nice. Probably. Mettaton flew them to what would have been a remote corner of the island, if not for the massive MTT Resort that had been built there. The myriad of condos were all painted a bright, garish magenta, and every one of them had a massive MTT logo on the side. Other than the blaring nightmares that were the condominiums, the grounds were well maintained and filled with lush, colorful vegetation. Several restaurants were clustered together around a sort of main plaza that branched off to the rest of the resort. Mettaton touched down outside of a condo that was at least twice as large as all the others, and was painted eggshell white. 

The robot poured all his friends out onto the cobblestone path underfoot, each of them returning to their original shapes. There was a collective 'Oooh' as they stared up at the condo, and Mettaton stepped over them with his crazy ass noodle legs to unlock the door. "Your paradise awaits, my darlings!" He was then brutally stampeded as the group rushed into the air conditioned building.

"WOWIE, THIS PLACE IS SO FANCY! CAN WE LIVE HERE ALL THE TIME?!" Papyrus rubbed his face against the walls, and the ceiling, and the potted plants, and the tiny basket of dried starfish that every seaside resort has for some reason. 

"i think this place is a bit out of our price range, bro. if we wanted to live here, we'd have to resort to picking up a few more jobs." Sans chuckled and slapped someone's knee while Papyrus screeched in rage. 

"BROTHER, PLEASE DO NOT RUIN THIS VACATION FOR ME. I CAME HERE TO GET AWAY FROM THE MUNDANITUDE OF REGULAR LIFE, AND THAT INCLUDES YOUR AWFUL PUNS!" 

"i'd say that puns are just part of the experience, but hey; i can't patella guy how to enjoy himself, now can i?" 

Papyrus' head popped like a firecracker, spraying the hallway with fragments of bone. Everyone stared. 

"Uh... well!" Mettaton clapped his hands, laughing a bit nervously as he picked bits of Papyrus out of his hair. "It's clear that we've all had a long flight, so what say we relax for a little while? There's four bedrooms available, so we will have to pair up. So sorry about that darlings; the eight bedroom megaplex was just too big a project to handle on such short notice." He mimed an expression of despair, laying a delicate hand across his forehead. "Anyway, enough of that. I'll leave it up to all of you, deciding who you want to pair up with." There was an immediate mad scramble down the hallway, and Mettaton ended up underfoot once again. 

Undyne lifted Alphys above her head, screaming a war cry as the dinosaur squeaked in panic. The former Head of the Royal Guard barreled her way past the hallway pileup, kicking down the door to the first bedroom on the right. She did a kickflip despite being on foot, landing atop the squishy king sized mattress. The bedroom was... a bedroom. The fuck else you want me to say? I'm not a gosh darn interior decorator. It was pretty sweet, though. 

Frisk attempted to emulate Undyne, struggling to lift Sans above their head. After several minutes of huffing and puffing, they just settled with dragging him behind them, into the first bedroom on the left. Sans was jump started by the sight of the bed, practically disappearing on the spot to hop on the mattress. He was asleep in .5 seconds. Frisk sighed and snuggled up next to him, despite their burning desire to explore the rest of the condo. 

Papyrus leapt from foot to foot in indecision, his head having reappeared at some point probably. "OH GEE OH GOSH, WHO DO I STAY WITH? I COULD STAY WITH THE FAMOUS AND FABULOUS METTATON, OR WITH THE FAMOUS AND FABULOUS QUEEN OF THE UNDERGROUND, OR THE FABOUS AND FAMEULOUS KING OF THE UNDERGROUND! I CAN'T DECIIIIIIIDE!" He clutched his head and fell to his knees, wailing dramatically. The king and queen made very one sided eye contact, Asore practically shrinking into himself. 

Toriel sighed deeply and grabbed the skeleton by the cape, slowly dragging him across the tiled floor. "Come along, Papyrus. I'm sure we could both use some rest, and I can't imagine you'd want to miss hearing your favorite bedtime stories." 

"WOWIE, THE QUEEN IS GOING TO READ ME A BEDTIME STORY! THIS REALLY IS THE BEST VACATION EVER!" Papyrus cackled as he was dragged into the second bedroom on the right.

Asgore and Mettaton made eye contact, the king's girlish lashes brushing against Mettaton's optic lenses. "Well, enough of that. I suppose that leaves us paired together, darling." 

The stupidly tall boss monster tugged at the collar of his shirt, coughing nervously. "Are you, uh.. sure there's enough room?" 

"Don't you worry one little bit, my dear. As a robot, I don't require sleep. I can just plug into the wall, and we'll be right as rain. Although if you want to share the bed for other purposes, just let me know~" Mettaton winked salaciously, sending Asgore into sputtering coughs. The automaton laughed coyly, winking repeatedly as he moonwalked into the second bedroom on the left. 

"Oh gosh oh man oh geeze oh man gosh oh geezely weazle teaze," Asgore mumbled to himself, shuffling uncertainly into the bedroom after Mettaton. The door slammed shut with ominous finality.


	42. Vay-Cay Part 2.5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything is right with the world.

Morning dawned bright and warm on the creatively named Vacation Island, the sun just barely peeking over the horizon, lighting deep blue waters with a sparkling brilliance. Wispy, formless clouds were painted in delicate shades of pink and orange, and the island itself was flooded with dawn yellow light. Frisk basked in the morning rays, dressed in heart patterned swimming trunks and a striped tank top as they sat upon the soft white stretch of sand, located just behind their condo. Cool ocean waves lapped at the tips of their toes, and they were filled with the sort of peace that left them swimming in warmth and happiness. 

They turned at the sound of soft shuffling, a noise that they'd heard many times. They were greeted with the sight of Sans, wearing only a pair of trunks printed with cartoon skulls and... a pair of fuzzy dice wrapped around his neck. They absently admired the way his bones gleamed in the sunlight, almost as if they were radiating light themselves.

"take a picture, it'll last longer," Sans mumbled through a yawn, stretching his arms over his skull. Frisk watched with unconcealed interest as his spine visibly flexed and popped. "seriously kid, the look you're givin' me would make my skin crawl, if i had any." He plopped down into the sand beside them, reaching out to muss up their hair. 

Frisk squealed in protest, a smile growing on their face. "You just look really nice, is all. I've never seen so much of you before." 

"you sure know how to flatter an old bag of bones." Sans' permanent grin stretched almost bashfully, and he turned to peer out over the water. "mettaton really outdid himself this time, huh? this place is a real pair-of-dice." 

Frisk groaned aloud, covering their face with both hands as Sans laughed. "You really brought those dice out here just to make that joke?" 

"what can i say? i'm dedicated to my craft." He made an overdramatic 'oof'ing sound as Frisk lightly shoved him, the skeleton sprawling out in the sand. "now look what you did. i'm gonna be pickin' sand out of my vertebrae for weeks." 

Frisk merely offered an innocent smile. "You'll survive, I'm sure." 

"i don't know kiddo, my chances ain't lookin' good. i mean, look at me; i'm nothin' but bones." His grin stretched at the sound of the human's laughter, sitting up and leaning back on his hands. He took a moment to really look around; the sand stretched off around on either side, curving off after a ways. There was a layer of scrub where the sand met well manicured grass. Palm trees swayed in the light breeze, marking off where the beach began. The grass was home to a fair sized wooden picnic table, just a few feet away from their back patio. The patio had little cushioned benches built into the side walls, and a day bed next to the sliding glass door. They even had a shiny grill, in case they ever wanted to... barbeque.

Sans' breath hitched in his nonexistent throat. He'd felt the weirdest sense of deja vu when he'd first stepped out here, but he'd brushed it off. A vague panic was building up in him now, and he forcibly shoved it down. It was just a dream. None of it was real. No matter how real it had felt. 

"So uh, kid. what's got you up so early?" Sans ignored the concerned stare the kid was pointing at him; clearly, he'd been zoned out for longer than he'd thought. 

"I just wanted to look around some. This place is really pretty; the condo and the island. I can't wait to see more of it." Wide, sparkling eyes were turned Sans' way, and he could swear his bones began melting. The dark mass of panic and fear that had blossomed in his chest was incinerated on the spot. 

Frisk squeaked as they were gathered in bony arms, their face smooshed against a clavicle. The hard press of bone was oddly comforting. "Sans..?" 

"kid.. frisk, you know i love ya, right?" Sans didn't look at them. Empty sockets stared out over the open waters. 

"Y..yeah? I love you too, Sans. Is something wrong-" They fwumped into the sand as the skeleton abruptly stood, turning to shuffle back towards the condo, from which the sounds of familiar screaming could be heard. 

"looks like our break was over pretty fast, huh?" Sans winked back at Frisk, looking perfectly casual and at ease. "c'mon, let's get some grub before papyrus and undyne find the stove." 

The thought of the nice condo kitchen being subjected to the horrors of Papyrus and Undyne working together had Frisk sprinting towards the patio, grabbing Sans' hand and dragging him along behind them. 

"-TELLING YOU, THERE'S NOTHING MORE TROPICAL THAN PINEAPPLE PASTA!" 

"Do you ever actually eat anything that ISN'T noodle based?" Undyne leaned against the cute little dining room table, arms crossed over her chest. 

Papyrus 'NYEH'd, attempting to wiggle the chair he'd been strapped to. "SPAGHETTI IS THE PINNACLE OF CUISINE; WHY WOULD I EVER EAT ANYTHING ELSE?" 

"If you tried different foods, you might find something you enjoy as much as spaghetti," Toriel chimed in, currently busy with cooking actual breakfast. And it didn't even have snails in it! Isn't that just swell. 

"UNPOSSIBLE," Papyrus shrieked stubbornly. "I WOULD NEVER BETRAY MY BELOVED SPAGHETTI IN SUCH A MANNER!" 

"Y-you should really try ramen sometime," Alphys spoke up, "I-it's basically just noodles in broth-" 

"WAIT. SPAGHETTI SOUP? WHY DID I NEVER THINK OF THAT BEFORE?!?! TEACH ME YOUR WAYS, OH BRILLIANT DOCTOR ALPHYS!" The good doctor blushed modestly, stuttering out something that might have been words. 

"Don't sell yourself short, babe!" Undyne leapt up onto the table, twirling her spear inspirationally. "You've got hella smarts crammed in that scaly head of yours!" 

"I can certainly attest to that," came the purring voice of Mettaton. He strutted out of the hallway into the open kitchen/living/dining room, wearing what appeared to be one of Asgore's night shirts. "You should be proud of your intellect, darling. Why, without it, the world wouldn't have me!" 

"a devastating loss," Sans yawned, only just awakening from the short nap he'd taken on the walk back to the condo. "the world would be in morning." He winked lazily, settling into a chair. 

"BROTHER, YOU ARE VERY LUCKY THAT I AM STRAPPED TO THIS CHAIR! OTHERWISE, I WOULD HAVE TO DO THINGS OF A VAGUELY UNPLEASANT NATURE TO YOU!" 

"you're lookin' pretty strapping this morning, bro." Frisk snorted as they sat next to their boyfriend(???). 

Papyrus seemed unsure if he should be enraged or flattered. "..YOU ARE CAUSING CONFLICTING FEELINGS, SANS." 

Sans fired off a finger pistol, winking incessantly. Alphys and Mettaton peered at him in concern. 

"Is something wrong with your.. er, socket, darling?" 

"He gets like this sometimes," Frisk replied dismissively. "He'll wear himself out before long." A loud 'THUNK' punctuated their words as Sans fell unconscious, snoring into the table cloth. 

"Boy, it sure smells good in here," came the booming, ever-cheerful voice of Asgore. He padded into the dining room, wearing a pair of pinstriped boxers and a tank top that showed off his rippling guns. Mettaton made a little simpering sound. 

"Yes, the smell of breakfast always did wake you up." Toriel's voice was flat, but not unkind. She somehow managed to balance eight plates of golden brown waffles, crisp bacon, and fried eggs. She laid them out on the table, settling into the seat next to Papyrus. 

Breakfast proved to be a surprisingly uneventful affair. Jokes were shared, conversations were had, and spears were thrown. Luckily, nothing important was destroyed. Eight pairs of hands made dish washing a breeze, and soon they were all squeezed together on the pair of couches in the living room. 

"So, darlings," Mettaton spoke from where he was sat atop Asgore's head, "I was thinking that our first few days here should be dedicated to pure relaxation. I have several events planned for the next two weeks, but I thought you could all use a while to settle in." 

"T-that's really nice of you, M-M-Mettaton. But uh.. w-what sort of events do you have planned?" Alphys spoke through the blush that stained her face, what with her being seated right on Undyne's lap, in front of everyone! How scandalous. 

"Oh, but sweetheart, that would be telling~" Mettaton flashed his pearly white teeth, which may or may not be made of actual pearl. "But I can promise that you will all enjoy them immensely." Lightning flashed in the background, despite the fact that they were inside. "So!" He clapped his hands together. "What say you all to some fun in the sun?" 

"WAIT, WE'RE GOING TO VISIT THE SUN?!? WOWIE, THIS REALLY IS A COOL VACATION!" 

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
The rest of the morning passed in a pleasant haze. Afternoon settled comfortably into place, and the monster squad settled into the great outdoors. The smell of cooking barbeque wafted on the breeze, joined by the salty scent of the ocean. The water sparkled invitingly, and Sans almost worked up the effort to jump in. A volley ball net had been set up, and an intense game was currently in play. The stout skeleton sat in the sandy scrub, relishing the feel of coarse grasses and grains of sand between his phalanges. He waved idly at a lounging Toriel, and she waved back with a warm smile before returning to her book. He amused himself by listening to the banter between Papyrus and Undyne; not that he had any choice, considering the volume level. 

The dread creeping in the back of his skull was blissfully ignored, until he felt like it was going to spill out of his sockets. He stood and dusted off his board shorts, glancing down at his 'Punny Disposition' tank top. His gaze shifted up towards the picnic table, where Frisk was sat by their lonesome, staring into space. Time to face the music. He thunked a conveniently placed beach ball against their forehead, startling them out of their revery. "looked a bit lost, kiddo. everything alright?" 

Frisk slowly turned the ribs in their hands over and over, barely even looking up when Sans sat down next to them. "Just thinking," they whispered. 

"yeah, you had that sorta look on your face." Sweat beaded down Sans' skull, and he kept one socket locked on Frisk's hands. "thinkin' about anything in particular?" 

"Just about a dream I had, once. About the surface, and days like today." 

"it really is like a dream, huh? but that couldn't have been all," Sans prompted gently. His left socket sparked blue for a fraction of a second. 

Frisk was entirely oblivious. "I just... I realized it was a dumb dream.. because you guys weren't in it." They peered at the skeleton from under their lashes. 

"you're a real sap, you know? lucky for you, i'm into that sort of thing." Sans smiled, but didn't move in any closer. 

Frisk did it for him, leaning against his side and staring up at him. "You know, I was pretty bone-ly before I met you guys." 

"well kid, i can promise you one thing. as long as we're around, you'll never be lonely again." He gently patted the top of their head-

-and recieved a kiss on the skull in return. A paradoxical blush rose to his cheekbones, and he slung an arm around Frisk's shoulders, pulling them close. "love ya too, kid."

Sans slept soundly that night, reassured by the human in his arms.


	43. Vay-Cay Part 8.3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things (almost) happen!

Vacation City was like something from a fairy tale. It was bright and clean and colorful, the streets paved with gold painted bricks and a recycling bin on every street corner. The streets and sidewalks were populated enough to feel lively, and empty enough to avoid congestion. The air hung heavy with the scent of progress, which apparently smelled like fresh baked pastries and seared trout. The people were as open and friendly as their city, chatting with each other in the middle of the sidewalk and waving cheerfully at the group of monsters that walked among them. The buildings were all painted with summery pastel colors, and numerous MTT owned and operated boutiques, restaurants, and hardware stores were dotted amongst them. MTTTV played on every public television, of which there were a surprising amount. All the traffic lights were shaped like Mettaton's face, and shone magenta, pink, and violet. There were no cars. The sewer grates were rectangular, with a blocky MTT logo on the center. Every mail box was painted magenta. Speakers were attatched to every street lamp, traffic post, and the corners of all the buildings, playing a constant mix of Nu Disco. Eighty percent of them were songs written and performed by Mettaton himself. 

Frisk and friends shared looks of concern, except for Mettaton, who was busy skipping and twirling down the streets and signing autographs.

"is anyone else super creeped out right now? this place is spookin' me to the bone." 

"Yeah, I know what you mean. It's making my skin crawl." Frisk and Sans shared numerous high fives and chest bumps, laughing gaily. 

"I'VE NO IDEA WHAT YOU COULD POSSIBLY MEAN. THIS PLACE IS AN MTT PARADISE!" Papyrus twirled like a little school girl, sporting a Mettaton wig, magenta stunna' shades, an MTT tote bag, and a t-shirt with Mettaton MAX posing seductively printed on it. "I DIDN'T EVEN BUY THIS STUFF!"

"This place is gonna make me barf," Undyne mumbled, shielding Alphys' eyes with a hand despite her protesting. "Like, could this guy stand to NOT have his face all over everything?" 

"It's certainly a... unique style," Toriel said with barely concealed distaste, watching as a flash mob of Mettaton cosplayers launched into a choreographed dance number. 

"Well, he definitely knows how to get his name out there." Asgore held up a pair of jean shorts with Mettaton's face on the butt, humming contemplatively. "You think this would look good on me?" He turned to assess everyone's opinions. 

"buddy, i'd suggest keeping those fluffy buns under wraps. otherwise, they're gonna get stale pretty fast." There was a unanimous murmuring of agreements. 

"I'LL TAKE IT!" Papyrus backflipped over, snatching the shorts up with his teeth and slipping them on over his... underwear? The fuck does he even wear? "WOWIE, THESE LOOK GREAT! ALL I NEED TO DO NOW IS WATCH SOME OF THOSE IRON BUNS TAPES, AND I'LL BE ABLE TO ROCK THE BOOTY I'VE ALWAYS DREAMED OF!" Papyrus began doing squats right there in the middle of the street. 

Clearly needing to do something before the situation devolved into utter madness, Frisk climbed atop Sans' shoulders, snapping invisible reigns. The skeleton snorted and whinnied, galloping off towards Mettaton at speeds almost capable of providing forward motion. "Heeey, Mettaton!" They yelled, and forty heads of varying fabulosity turned towards them. "No, not you guys, the real Mettaton!" Frisk was met with a wall of sound, composed entirely of slightly whiny and overly dramatic protests that the cosplayers WERE the real Mettatons. Clearly, drastic measures had to be taken. "METTATOOOON, MY HAIR ISN'T COOPERATING!" 

The crowd of cosplayers were knocked aside like bowling pins as the REAL Mettaton MAX came barreling through, a frantic look on his face. His optical lenses zeroed in on Frisk's hair, which did look slightly disheveled. "DARLING, I'M COMIIIIIIIIIIIING!" He leapt into the air and deployed his rocket legs, blasting forward at supersonic speeds despite there only being like, two hundred feet of distance between them. He came meters away from crashing into Sans and Frisk, a parachute deploying from his back and his thrusters turning to face forward so that he could slow down. He touched down directly in front of the duo, heels clacking against brick. "Now, what seems to be the issue?" He glanced down at the human and skeleton, who had both been burnt to a crisp. He gasped and wobbled as if he were about to faint from shock. "Oh, darling, it's worse than I thought! Lucky for you, I have just the thing!" Mettaton's hand snapped up, and a nozzle emerged from a hidden compartment in his wrist. He proceeded to spritz the pair with a cloud of MTT Brand Heavy Duty Hair Spray. 

When the cloud cleared, both Frisk and Sans were sans the layer of char that had covered them. Charred Frisk? More like Chara'd Frisk! HAHAHAHA! That's two jokes! Anyway, they were both fine. Frisk marveled at their pigtail braids, which made them look just like a princess of indeterminable gender. Sans rubbed his skull experimentally, looking surprised when it squeaked. Every inch of him had been polished to a glassy sheen, despite the fact that that doesn't make any sense. They both stared up at a smug looking Mettaton. 

"What can I say, darlings? MTT provides only the best." He winked, sparkles exploding behind him. 

Meanwhile, the rest of the group continued standing in the middle of the street, watching as Papyrus panted and heaved in between squats. Undyne was shouting encouraging and slightly threatening things at him as Alphys attempted to calculate how many squats a skeleton would have to do before acquiring buns of steel. Asgore and Toriel both avoided eye contact, the former queen leafing through an MTT fashion magazine that had fallen from the sky while Asgore inspected MTT brand articles of clothing that fell from the sky. He glanced upwards in confusion, seeing nothing but clear blue sky. Little did he know, Tiny Duck from Waterfall was responsible for it all!!!!

Sans and Frisk were both stacked on Mettaton's shoulders like a totem pole, the skeleton napping as the human marveled at how tiny everything looked from their newly elevated height. They both waved in unison at the group that was still standing around like a bunch of goobers. 

"BROTHER, WHEN DID YOU GET SO TALL?!!?" Papyrus seemed absolutely horrified, bouncing to his feet and standing on the tips of his toes, straining to reach eye level with his smirking brother. "OH MY GOD, IT'S HAPPENING! AFTER SO MANY YEARS, I'VE BECOME THE 'SHORT ONE' AGAIN! HOW COULD THIS HAPPEEEEEEEEN?!?!?!!?" He screeched in despair, falling to his knees and clutching at his face with his big doofy boxing glove/oven mitt hands. 

The entire street was silent. Even the Nu Disco had stopped playing. "...Darling, you know he's just on top of my head, right?" 

"...OH. WELL THEN." Papyrus slowly rose to his feet, gaze lowering to meet Mettaton's eyes. "THANK YOU, FOR NOT MAKING MY BROTHER ACTUALLY TALLER THAN ME." He looked up again, and saw Frisk waving at him. "OH MY GOD, HUMAN! WHEN DID YOU GET SO TALL?!!?!?"

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

After much boondoggling, the group was finally informed as to why they were out in the middle of the city. 

"My dear friends, we are gathered here today to celebrate-" Mettaton paused and squinted at his note cards. He flipped through them for a moment, before tossing them aside. "Okay, never mind that. We've come all this way to do some shopping and eat good food. Now, can we do that without anything exploding?" He placed his hands on his shapely hips, watching with narrowed eyes as the rest of the group looked off in other directions, mumbling inaudibly and whistling innocently. "Please, just this one time? This island was very expensive, you know!" 

Sans approached, clearing his.. whatever, and holding out a hand. 

Mettaton sighed deeply, fishing around in his fanny pack. "I swear, I try to take you all out on a nice vacation and this is the thanks I get.." He dropped a handful of bills in the skeleton's bony hand. "There, now will you all please make an effort to avoid property damage?" 

"Yeah yeah, we heard you the first time." Undyne spat on the ground, the force of it obliterating a section of brick and creating a massive pot hole. "Uh.." 

"Not to worry, I can handle this." Asgore stepped up, rolling up his sleeves to reveal his fully loaded arm cannons. He reeled back and punched the hole so hard that time and space reversed in that one small pocket, shattered bits of masonry rewinding to put themselves back together. Asgore smiled modestly as he recieved a wave of applause. Toriel glanced off in the other direction, looking unimpressed. 

Mettaton swooned on the spot, almost dislodging Frisk from their spot atop his head. "Asgore, darling? How would you feel about appearing on my next episode of 'Heavyweight Hunks'? I think you'd fit in perfectly. Juuust perfectly.." Mettaton winked meaningfully at the blushing boss monster. 

"O-oh, gee... I don't know. I guess I'd have to give it some thought. B-but I really appreciate the offer!" Asgore and Mettaton made deep eye contact for an uncomfortably long time. 

"U-uhm.. not to i-interrupt, but... I'm going to interrupt. D-didn't we have places to be?" Alphys tucked away her phone, on which she'd been typing up an Asgore/Mettaton ship fic.

Mettaton played a recording of someone gasping in shock, not wanting to strain his voice. "You're absolutely right, dear Alphys! Come my friends; to the boutique!" 

There was a colorful starburst transition, and then they were all standing inside of an MTT Boutique! How convenient! 

"Shop to your hearts' content, my lovelies! Only the best at MT-" Mettaton was then trampled underfoot as the group mercilessly ransacked the store. Shelves were cleared, racks were knocked over, employees ran screaming in fear. Only Toriel seemed immune to the shopping frenzy, staying back to help the mourning robot off the floor. 

"Are you quite alright, my dear?" Toriel cradled the robot against her bosom, despite him being almost as tall as she was. 

"Oh, sweet Toriel, I fear I have made a grave mistake in allowing those.. those animals into my stores!" There was a brief crashing noise, followed by victorious howling. 

"It was a very bad idea, to be sure." The goat woman carded her fuzzy fingers through Mettaton's feathery hair, which may or may not have been made of real feathers. 

The TV star wilted at her words. "But.. surely things will go better from now on, yes?" The assistant manager came hurtling through the air overhead, squealing in terror. "..Or not." 

And then they all had a nice lunch at MTT Steak House where nothing bad happened at all. After that, they went to the hardware store and Papyrus got a ball-peen hammer stuck in his forehead. All in all, Mettaton thought things had gone pretty well.


	44. Vay-Cay Part Filler

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not really happy with this chapter, but whatever. Have some poorly written fluff.

The day was stormy and grey, rain falling like bullets except made of water, so not really like bullets when you think about it. Lightning crackled through the sky like lances of plasma, which they kind of were. The clouds hung thick and dark; not like that, you fuckin' perv. They were full of moisture and the density makes them darker, that's all. But we aren't here to talk about clouds, even though they set the scene nicely. The island of Vacation Island had been hit by a freak tropical storm, which put a bit of a damper on Frisk and friends' planned day out. So instead they were cooped up in their condo, which was a little too confining for several of our heroes. Are these guys really heroes? I guess they cause enough property damage to be classified as heroes, but they don't do a lot of saving people. Unless you count Frisk and Asgore, who saved the entire Underground. Gee, what a couple of swell fellows they are. 

ANYWAY, they were all cooped up inside, doing things that I'm sure were very interesting. 

"SANS, WHY IS THE SKY MAKING GRUMBLING SOUNDS? IS IT HUNGRY?! FEAR NOT, SKY! I SHALL FEED YOU SOME OF MY DELICIOUS HOME COOKED SPAGHETTI!" Papyrus pressed his face against the sliding glass door, torn between wanting to watch the sky open up and wanting to feed it pasta. 

"hate to rain on your parade, but i don't think the sky can eat." Sans and Frisk were snuggled up on the couch under a fuzzy blanket, watching 'The Return of Dr. Horken Bibbleblast, The Man With Seven Left Feet'. 

"ABSOLUTE NONSENSE, OF COURSE THE SKY CAN EAT! IT... THE SKY... NYEH!" Papyrus stormed into the kitchen with a huff, banging pots and pans around unnecessarily. He placed a pot full of water on the super neato burrito electric stove, and searched through the cupboards for some pasta noodles and tomato sauce. "NYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHHHHHHHHHH!" Papyrus 'NYEH'd in despair, clutching at his face as it spun wildly. "THERE'S NO SPAGHETTI NOODLES! WHAT SORT OF NIGHTMARE IS THIS?!?!?!?" 

"Really? I thought you like, attracted spaghetti ingredients or something, considering we never run out." 

"nah, that's impastable." Sans and Frisk giggled together like little school children, patting each other all over their faces. 

"THERE IS A CRISIS IN PROGRESS, AND YOU TWO ARE SHARING SMOOCHES! UN. BELIEVABLE!!!" Papyrus leapt to his feet despite the fact that he was already standing, arms whirring like propellers. "CLEARLY, THE ONLY SOLUTION TO THIS PREDICAMENT IS BRAVING THE STORM TO PICK UP SPAGHETTI INGREDIENTS. I THE GREAT PAPYRUS, NOMINATE THE GREAT PAPYRUS TO DO IT! I ACCEPT!" Papyrus shook his own hand, sprinting towards the door-

-and running face first into Mettaton. They collided with a loud clanging noise, Papyrus' limbs flying off in all directions from the sheer force of the impact. They ricocheted wildly around the hallway before reattaching themselves to the skeleton. "Well, that was certainly a display. What has you in such a hurry, gorgeous?" 

"I HAVE NO TIME FOR YOUR KNEE GELATIFIYING GOOD LOOKS; WE HAVE NO SPAGHETTI!" 

"Well, there's a reason for that, darling. I didn't buy any." Mettaton preened at the compliment, admiring himself in a hand mirror. 

"WHYFOR WOULD YOU DO SUCH A THING?!" 

"Because you, my dear, need a break." Mettaton gently placed his hands on the skeleton's shoulders. "You're so tense, and high strung. You need to just sit back and relax. That's the point of a vacation, darling." 

"NYEEEH... MAYBE YOU'RE RIGHT. YEAH! I'M GOING TO BE THE BEST RELAXER THAT EVER RELAXIFIED!" Papyrus backflipped into the living room, doing a triple flippy doo onto the couch that didn't have Frisk and Sans. He vibrated with excitement for a few moments before falling utterly slack, jaw hanging loosely and limbs flopping all over. 

"...Well, I guess that works. Have a nice time, dears!" Mettaton flounced back to bedroom central, deciding to check on everyone else before returning to his own little slice of paradise. He pressed an ear against Undyne and Alphys' door, hearing the sound of scales against scales. He hastily pulled away, and decided to leave them to it. All that left was Toriel. He heard nothing when he pressed his ear to her door, knocking politely before barging in. "Just checking in, darling!" 

Toriel hastily shoved her blow torch and blue prints under the mattress, turning a slightly strained benevolent smile on the interrupting robot. "Hello there, Mettaton. I appreciate you coming to visit." 

"Think nothing of it. I wanted to see how you were doing, and make sure you were enjoying yourself as much as possible, even during this dreadful weather." He peered around the room, noting the massive hardcover book on the bed. There appeared to be a picture of a snail in sunglasses on it. 

"Oh, I'm enjoying myself just find. A warm bed, a good book, and close friends are all I need." Toriel gave him a smile that rated in at least the top ten cutest smiles Mettaton had ever seen, and he choked down a squeal. 

"Wonderful to hear it, my dear. I suppose I'll leave you to it, then. And please, feel free to let me know if you need anything at all. Ta-ta, darling!" He shut the door gently behind him, ignorant of the sinister happenings that were swiftly resumed. The robot hummed a light tune as he sashayed back to the bedroom he shared with the king, opening the door with a flourish. "I have returned to you, my liege," he purred seductively, draping himself over... himself. "Let's see how fluffy those buns really are, shall we?" He kicked the door shut. 

The sound of Asgore's high pitched squealing echoed dully through the condo. 

"wonder what those two are getting up to," Sans muttered dryly. "mettaton couldn't possibly make his raging roboner any more obvious." 

Frisk gasped and slapped their hands over their ears. Such lewd language!

"c'mon kiddo, we both know you're old enough to hear 'naughty' words. need i remind you that you were the one that tried to breach the bone zone?" 

Frisk stuck their tongue out at the skeleton. "Yeah, and you told me I was too young. But I'm totally not!" 

Sans spared a look at his brother, noting that he seemed to be totally conked out. "can't say i'm really much for boning, but hey; there's a first time for everything." 

Frisk blushed deeply. "Y-you mean... the bone zone is unexplored territory?" 

Sans raised an eyebrow that didn't exist. "why? you lookin' to stake your claim?" 

"N-No! I mean, maybe? I've never done... stuff, before. I've never even kissed anyone before." Frisk pouted a little, wrapping their arms around themself. 

"what a shame that is." Sans mustered up the effort to lean over, brushing his teeth against Frisk's pouting lips. They squeaked in response, staring at him with wide eyes. "there you go, free of charge. no returns." 

"..." Frisk pressed their mouth firmly to Sans' cheekbone, pulling away with a wet smacking sound. "There. Now we're even." The blush on their face was made less embarrassing when they saw a similar color rise to the skeleton's face... somehow. They grinned innocently, and pulled the blanket over their heads. 

The rest of the movie went unwatched.


	45. Vay-Cay Part Thirty-twelve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bums in the sun.

"BROTHER, HUMAN!!! DID YOU KNOW THAT PANCAKES CAN BE MADE OF POTATOES? AND SPAGHETTI CAN BE MADE OF SQUASH!?! THE HUMAN WORLD IS SO NEATO!" 

Frisk and Sans both blinked blearily, having just awoken and dragged themselves out of bed to settle down at the dining table. They were greeted by the sight of Papyrus in the kitchen, flanked by Toriel and Undyne. "Sounds like you've really gotten to the root of human cuisine." Frisk winked and shared a high five with Sans as the taller skeleton screeched, head flipping upside down to turn his permanent grin into a frown. 

"YOU TWO ARE TRULY MADE FOR EACH OTHER." 

"aww, that's sweet of you to say." 

"IT WASN'T A COMPLIMENT!" Papyrus harrumphed and turned back to Toriel, who was busy making potato pancakes and squash spaghetti. How surprising. "YOU'RE CERTAIN THAT ME STANDING HERE AND NOT DOING ANYTHING IS HELPING?" 

"Immensely. You're doing a very good job of it, too." Toriel smiled patiently at the preening skeleton. "How is the sauce coming, Undyne?" 

"Goin' hella well, Toriel." Undyne was currently frantically stirring a pot of bubbling meat sauce or whatever the fuck you eat with squash spaghetti. The burner wasn't on, or anything; the heat of her glare alone kept it boiling. 

"HEY, YOU RHYMED! HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT JOINING MY BAND, UNDYNE?" 

Undyne raised an eyebrow that she may or may not have. "Do you even play any instruments?" 

Papyrus opened his gaping hell maw to respond, but Sans cut in before he could. "yeah, he plays the xylo-bone." 

Undyne groaned in palpable agony as Papyrus screamed, slamming his skull against the kitchen counter. Toriel broke into sputtering laughter, accidentally flipping a potato pancake so hard that it stuck to the ceiling. Mettaton, Asgore, and Alphys, who were all sat in the living room I just decided, clapped politely. 

"nailed it." And so Sans was hailed as a hero for the rest of his days. Or at least until lunch was served. Forks and knives scraped against ceramic as the food that Toriel and Undyne had so kindly prepared was utterly destroyed. 

"S-so, Mettaton.. in the interest of m-moving the plot along... what do you, uh, h-have planned for us to do?" Alphys spoke very loudly and clearly, glancing nervously off in an ambiguous direction with a rictus smile on her face. 

"I'm glad you asked, dear Alphys." Mettaton flashed a million watt smile, which burned out everyone's eyes and seared the paint off the walls. "I thought we could all have a fun day at the beach! Because that isn't cliche." He winked at the camera-I MEAN THE WALL THAT IS INNOCUOUS AND NOT SUSPICIOUS. 

"is there somethin' goin' on that i'm not privy to?" Sans raised a whatever, receiving a confused shrug from Frisk. 

"I TOO AM CONFUSED. BEING AS THE GREAT PAPYRUS KNOWS ALL, THIS IS A VERY RARE OCCURRENCE." 

"Why, whatever do you mean, darlings? Nothing strange is going on at all!" Mettaton winked dramatically, smile plastered in place. "Now we must change into swimsuits for fanservi-I mean, swimming!" Everyone that wasn't human or skeleton rose from their seats in the same motion, forming a conga line and dancing their way to their respective bedrooms for the changing purposes. 

"was there some memo that we didn't get? i don't exactly check my mail, so... it's a pastability that i overlooked it." 

"WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU, WE AREN'T EVEN EATING SPAGHETTI ANYMORE!" Papyrus lifted his brother off the couch, violently shaking him back and forth. Sans appeared to be asleep. The manic skeleton 'NYEH?'d as he felt a tap on his manly bicep. "YES, TINY HUMAN? YOU REQUIRE MY ASSISTANCE, PERHAPS? MAYBE WITH... A JUNIOR JUMBLE?!!" Papyrus carelessly tossed his brother across the room, placing a pair of reading glasses atop his skull and pulling a pencil out of somewhere you'd rather not know about. 

"...No," Frisk replied carefully. 

"OH. WELL, PERHAPS YOU NEED HELP WITH... A SENIOR JUMBLE?!?!!? HUMAN, PLEASE RECONSIDER! SUCH AN ADVANCED PUZZLE IS WELL BEYOND YOU! EVEN I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, HAVE DIFFICULTY WITH THEM! SOME WORDS ARE OVER EIGHT LETTERS LONG! EIGHT!!! THAT'S SIX MORE THAN TWELVE! WAIT.." Papyrus attempted to count on his fingers, but his doofy ass gloves got in the way. "CURSE MY INCREDIBLE FASHION SENSE!" 

"Don't you mean, fash-shin sense?" Frisk winked both eyes in rapid succession, a mischievous grin on their face. 

"...YOU ARE DEAD TO ME." 

"You sure it isn't the other way aroun-" 

"SILENCE, BETRAYER! YOU HAVE BROKEN A SACRED BOND ON THIS DAY, AND IT CAN NEVER BE REPAIRED!" Papyrus laid a hand across his forehead, looking morose. As much as a skeleton can look morose, at least. 

"Wanna build a sand castle with me?" 

"BOY WOULD I!" 

"Would you?" Frisk raised an eyebrow. 

"WOULD I!" Papyrus shouted exuberantly. 

"Would you?" Frisk stifled a grin. 

"WOULD I!" Papyrus repeated unflinchingly. 

"Would you?" Frisk waggled their eyebrows up and down. 

"...WOULD I WHAT?" 

"Want to build a sand castle with me?" 

"WOULD I!" 

Thankfully, the rest of the group returned before this madness could continue any longer, all dressed in scandalously skimpy swimsuits. Well, okay, only Mettaton was, but he's sexy enough for like, five people. "Darlings, you don't look prepared at all for summer fun! Oh, but that's alright, for I have a solution up my sleeve! Metaphorically." Mettaton's wrist flipped up to reveal that one nozzle from that one chapter, and he sprayed a cloud of mysterious substance on the human and skeletons. When the cloud cleared, they were all wearing three piece swimsuits. How scandalous. 

"WOWIE! THIS OUTFIT REALLY SHOWS OFF MY STEEL BUNS!" A pair of handles jutted out of Papyrus' bikini bottom, attached to the pots that he'd glued to the back of his pelvis. "I'M GOING TO ATTRACT ALL THE LADIES SLASH GENTLEMEN!" 

"Oooh, you all look absolutely fabulous," the robot squealed excitedly. There was an uneasy murmur of half agreements from behind him. 

Frisk spun in a circle, staring down at their polka dot patterned suit with an appraising gaze. Eventually they stopped, giving it two thumbs up. And then they all did the electric slide all the way out to the beach, because fucking transitions. 

"Well, it's certainly a nice day for beach related activities," Toriel commented passively, idly sticking out a foot to trip Asgore as he walked by. He landed beard first in the sand, legs sticking straight up. Toriel smiled blissfully, setting up her beach towel and parasol. 

"C'mon nerds, last one in the water is fish food!" Undyne flashed her horrible murder teeth, running across the beach so fast that the sand turned to molten glass underfoot. Asgore squealed in terror at the prospect of becoming fish food, literally exploding out of the sand and landing in the water like a mortar. Frisk and Papyrus were next up, the skeleton's long legs and the human's DETERMINATION giving them even footing. They both swan dived into the water, and everyone else clapped politely. Toriel gave them an 8.5. Alphys toddled into the water next, looking deathly afraid for reasons unknown. Probably afraid of tentacle monsters or something, which were a very real threat, and you should always be sure to raise awareness about tentacle monster attacks. Call this number now! 1-800-YOU-ARE-DUMB. That's right; if you call now, you can save 40% on shipping and handling! 40%!!!! 

Anyway then Mettaton climbed up onto a diving board that was there for some reason, wiggling his hips unnecessarily before diving in. Toriel gave him an 8.6. 

"Well well, looks like Sans is fish food," Undyne cackled. 

Sans stood passively on the beach, wearing swim trunks that he'd changed into when nobody was looking probably. "c'mon, we're chums, right? just cod down, and we can forget a-trout all this-" And then Undyne flew out of the water and FUCKING ATE HIM. Everyone screamed in horror, running or swimming in circles. Undyne roared her victory around a mouthful of bones, which soon became sweet dust on her tongue. 

Okay not really. Everyone actually had a really nice time, and Frisk and Papyrus won third place in the sand castle building competition, of which they were the only contestants.


	46. Vay-Cay Part 3.14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Feelings? Maybe? Character interaction? Probably??

The afternoon sun shone a molten orange, sinking through the sky to kiss the horizon. A cool ocean breeze combated the sweltering summer heat, and the deep blue sea sparkled invitingly. Our intrepid heroes... protagonists, were were walking along the Vacation City Boardwalk, chatting easily with one another. The crowds on the boardwalk parted like water for the group of weirdos, who all seemed lost in their own world. 

Papyrus and Undyne were leading the pack, driving the group into every shop that caught their interests. "HEY, LET'S CHECK THIS PLACE OUT! MAYBE THEY'LL HAVE SOMETHING THAT APPEALS TO THE GREAT PAPYRUS' INCREDIBLE FASHION SENSE!" They all filed into a tiny clothing store, which smelled of fabric softener and sandalwood. The employee behind the front desk looked somewhere between mildly uneasy and extremely terrified. 

"UNDYNE, COME SEE THIS!" Papyrus dragged his best fish friend over to a rack of shirts, pointing frantically at one that was patterned with spaghetti noodles. "IT'S EVERYTHING I'VE EVER DREAMED OF! FINALLY, A SHIRT THAT REFLECTS WHO I REALLY AM INSIDE!" 

"Of course they make shirts like that." Undyne buried her face in a hand, sighing explosively. But because it was her hand, it didn't erupt into a geyser of meat and blood like any lesser being's hand might have. "Let it be known that I don't support this." She dug around in her pocket, pulling out a wad of crumpled bills that she threw at Papyrus' grinning face. Apparently the G to USD exchange rate was extremely one sided, so most monsters suddenly found themselves with more money than they knew what to do with. Basically, that's my excuse for why they can literally throw money around. 

"OH UNDYNE, I WILL REMEMBER YOUR CONTRIBUTION TO THE CAUSE FOR THE REST OF MY DAYS!" Papyrus lifted her right off the ground, squeezing the pretending-to-be-irritated fish woman with all his might. She sighed and gently patted him on the skull, easily escaping his bony grasp. 

"C'mon, Papyrus. If you wanna restrain someone, you gotta do it like... THIS!" Undyne grabbed the skeleton in a full nelson, squeezing so hard that his arms popped off. "..Uh. Maybe don't do that part." 

"WOWIE, YOU'RE SO GOOD AT DISMEMBERMENT!" Papyrus collected his arms with his teeth, snapping them back into place. "I'M NOT SURE WHEN THAT WOULD COME IN HANDY-" Sans laughed from the other side of the store, "-BUT IT SURE IS IMPRESSIVE!" 

Undyne flexed casually, looking aloof. "Yeah, it's whatever. C'mon, bonehead. Let's buy you that dumb shirt." 

Meanwhile, with Alphys and Asgore!!!! 

"Y-you really think U-Undyne will like this?" The timid dinosaur held up a pastel summer dress, holding it uncertainly against her chest. 

"Alphys... if I know anything, it's that Undyne will like you no matter what you're wearing. But I also know that sometimes, a little sprucing up goes a long way." The former monarch winked from under a pair of giant novelty sunglasses. They fit perfectly on his face. 

Alphys smiled faintly, staring down at the floor. "S-sometimes it seems like you a-always know what to say. I-I wish I could do that." 

Asgore's warm grin fell in increments. He resisted the urge to look over his shoulder and sigh in a melancholy manner. "The second most important thing is having confidence that what you're saying is what needs to be said. The first... is knowing that sometimes, there is no right thing to say." 

The scientist peered carefully up at her former king, reaching out to gently pat his arm. "I-I know it has to b-b-be hard, but... if it h-helps at all, I don't think she hates you. I-I'm not sure she could hate a-anyone." 

"I used to think the same thing," he whispered. Then he shook himself, smile coming back in full force. "But this isn't a time to feel sorry for myself. I've had more than enough of that. Breaking the Barrier marked a new beginning for everyone; humans and monsters both. And that includes me, too." Asgore finally gave into his desire, glancing out of the corner of his eye at a head of fabulous black hair. 

"I'm telling you darling, you'll look absolutely marvelous in black! Black and white is very 'in' this season." Mettaton held up seemingly dozens of different outfits, all of them in different shades of black and white. Toriel struggled to keep up, the robot's hands blurring as they pulled items off the selves and racks and out of the transient closet that had appeared at some point in time and space. 

"I.. really don't know. I think my current wardrobe is more than acceptable." Toriel inspected a simply patterned black and white dress. 

"But darling, think of how gorgeous you'll look! You might even attract a bit of attention," the celebrity purred, waggling his finely plucked eyebrows. 

Toriel blushed through her fur somehow, wringing her paws that she had for some reason despite being a gersh dern goat monster. "Oh, dear... I'm an old woman; my time in the spotlight is long past." 

Mettaton gasped, throwing clothes all over the place as he goose stepped over to the boss monster. "My dear, how could you say such things?! You are never too old to be beautiful!" Mettaton smooshed her face between his hands, staring deep into her eyes. "And you are already gorgeous, sweetheart." Toriel stuttered out something that might have been words, face burning red. The automaton released her, spinning away to gesture grandiosely. "Such beauty must be shared with the world, dear Toriel! For what good is beauty if none may gaze upon it!?" 

Toriel cleared her throat and smoothed down her dress, trying to regain composure. "I.. suppose you make a fair point. A few more outfits wouldn't hurt." She squeaked as Mettaton lifted her from the ground, squealing in delight. 

And then Sans and Frisk! Boy what a great transition, huh? They were carefully inspecting a rack of shirts with 'funny' phrases written on them, and showing each other ones that caught their interest. 

"What about this one?" Frisk held up a 'Joking is Pundemental' shirt in blue. 

"hmm. that's pretty good, but what about this one?" Sans held up a striped shirt that read 'Frisky Business'. His grin widened as he saw Frisk's eyes begin sparkling. "yeah, i think this one is a winner." Sans chuckled and passed it over into the human's grasp, accepting their shirt in return. "think i'll go change into this one. show me what else you find when i get back." He began slowly shuffling away, mustering up the energy to whistle a tune for all of four seconds. 

Now left to their own devices, Frisk put their sinister plan into motion. An organ played ominously in the background. 

Sans returned fifteen minutes later; a new record for him. He wore his newly purchased shirt under his unzipped jacket, hands stuffed in his pockets as he shuffled with so little effort that his feet didn't even visibly move. "find any gems in there? if you did, then they're mine." Muffled giggling came from within the clothing rack. Sans grinned (as if he had a choice) and reached out, quickly parting the shirts-

-and a spooky skeleton jumped out at him!!!!! 

"holy fuck!" Sans leapt backwards, slipping and falling on his back. He groaned, staring dazedly at the ceiling. 

"Oh my gosh, are you okay?!" The spooky skeleton ran up to him, gently lifting him off the ground. It reached towards the top of its face, pulling downwards... and unzipping it to reveal Frisk! "A-are you hurt at all?" 

"yeah, i'm fine. you just rattled my bones, is all." They both laughed jovially, slapping each other's cheeks. "no but seriously, why do you look like a skeleton?" 

"I found it!" Frisk chirped, pulling back their skeleton faced hood. They wore a skeleton patterned hoodie, a pair of skeletal black leggings, and even little black socks with skeleton feet on them. "Pretty cool, huh?"

Sans ripped his gaze away from the printed on pelvis, color painted on his cheekbones. "u-uh, yeah.. ice cold. i uh.. think everyone else is waiting for us so let's go-" Sans dragged Frisk through a shortcut to just outside the store, despite the exit having been only a few feet away. They emerged from behind a vending machine, rejoining the rest of the group who were all drinking delicious Pepsi MAX, which was flavored with raspberry for a Mettaton themed marketing campaign that Pepsi was doing. Pepsi, the taste of a new generation. That was their slogan, right? I don't fuckin' know. 

"TOOK YOU LONG ENOUGH! A COUPLE OF BOONDOGGLERS, BOTH OF YOU!" Papyrus shook his can for emphasis, screeching as it splashed all over him. He frantically licked it up with his long disgusting tongue as everyone watched on in horror and possibly fascination. 

"...Right. So, darlings, what shall we do next?" 

The camera panned over to Frisk, zooming in on their determined face. It zoomed in, and then zoomed back out. There was a dramatic 'woosh'ing sound as they lifted their arm, the camera swinging around to show them pointing dramatically... AT THE NICE CREAM MAN!!!!!!!!!

The Nice Cream man, who shall forevermore be known as Gibbles, waved cheerfully at them. He then screamed in terror as his cart was mercilessly ransacked, sobbing and begging for mercy as his Nice Cream was taken and paid for. They left him curled in a shivering ball, heading down to a large beach at the end of the board walk to enjoy their desserts. 

Sans and Frisk sat on a beach towel, lounging around as they ate their Nice Cream."how you likin' the vacation? a real home away from home, huh?" 

"Yeah, it's pretty nice." Frisk smiled serenely, watching as a giant onion/octopus monster attempted to ride a surfboard. They slurped at their blue raspberry popsicle, glancing over when they heard a choked noise. "Hmm?" 

"what nothin'," Sans cleared his.. whatever, pointedly looking in the other direction. 

Quick to catch on, Frisk giggled around their popsicle, pulling it from their mouth with a wet popping sound and planting a blue tinted kiss on the side of Sans' skull. "Sorry for rattling your bone...s." They slung an arm around the blushing skeleton, pulling him close. 

"really gettin' under my skin, kid." Sans grinned softly, leaning his skull against the human's bony shoulder. The hard press of bone against bone was familiar and comforting. They sat together in silence, watching the sun set.


	47. Vay-Cay Part Grande Finale 1/2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> That title is ridiculous. Also, Happy Holidays everyone!

On the dawn of one fine summer morning, Mettaton KERSPLODED into the living room, lights flashing and smoke roiling and music blaring. He gyrated wildly, snatching Alphys up and spinning her around before carelessly flinging her away. She squealed and crashed into the kitchen, knocking over literally everything; even the things that were already knocked over were righted and then knocked over for a second time. Undyne howled for vengeance, hurling a glowing spear at the robot with unimaginable force. He swooced around it, doing a power slide that swept the former royal guard right off her feet and careening into the wall, jazzing his hands into the air. 

"Darlings, the time has COME~!!" Confetti cannons erupted and a disco ball fell from the ceiling. Unfortunately, it wasn't suspended by anything, so it just kind of shattered on the floor. "We've had a wonderful vacation so far, but alas, even the brightest flame must one day burn out." He laid a hand over his forehead, dabbing at his eyes with a lacy handkerchief. "But that is why we must go out with a BANG!" Something exploded, showering the room with sparks. Everyone screamed and ducked for cover as things began catching on fire. "...I meant more of a metaphorical bang, but that works too!" Sans laughed. "No, that wasn't a pun! What I'm TRYING to say is that this is our last day on the island, and thus it must be our best!" He waited for a moment and began pouting when it seemed like nobody was paying attention. They were much too busy trying to combat the fire. 

Except Sans I guess, who was mostly just standing there. Oh, okay, now he's sitting down. "so uh, things seem to be going pretty smooth so far, huh? you've really stoked the flame. got the fires of passion burning. is it hot in here, or is it just me? other pun about fire. you're literally burning the place down. that one wasn't a pun." 

"SANS THAT ISN'T HELPING! ALL YOUR HOT AIR SPEWING IS JUST MAKING THINGS WORSE!" And indeed, that seemed to be the case. Somehow, the fire swelled with every pun uttered by the skeleton, and was quickly engulfing the living room. 

Alphys frantically attempted to fill cups with water, finally tossing one on the fire. It flared up, growing larger. "W-why is the sink pouring out g-g-gasoline!??!" Clearly that was a mystery to be solved another day. 

Undyne howled back at the roaring flames, picking up one of the burning couches and trying to forcibly beat them out. That just made more fire on the couch, unfortunately. 

Papyrus was flying frantically around the room, trying to blow out the flames with the sheer power of his helicopter limbs, but all that was doing was feeding them more oxygen. Papyrus clearly never learned how to put out fires. 

Toriel and Asgore made eye contact, and for once the former king didn't shrink away. Their determination fueled one another, much like something else that is made bigger when you put fuel on it. Hell if I know what that is. They touched fingertips, spinning around in a circle as they combined their magical powers. Then, with a mighty roar, they raised their hands and spewed forth a wave of fireballs. "Oh, dear. I forgot we had fire magic." 

"Stand back, everyone! I'm going to unleash my full power!" Every eye and eye socket in the room turned to Frisk, who stood tall and heroic on top of the coffee table, which wasn't on fire for some reason. The hot air and noxious smoke caused their cape to flare out dramatically. And then........!!!! Frisk unleashed their full power, frantically wiggling their hips and blowing kisses and firing finger pistols and winking suggestively. The fire reared back for a moment, and began blushing furiously. Unfortunately that just made it burn hotter. "Oh, oops." 

"RUN AWAAAAAAY! BUT DON'T TELL ANYONE THAT THE GREAT PAPYRUS RETREATED!" Papyrus screeched, flying out the sliding glass door that lead outside. Everyone frantically ran for their lives, leaving behind a huffing and wheezing Sans, who was attempting to shuffle out the door as fast as he possibly could. Frisk cried out in anguish, reaching out a hand futilely towards the skeleton. And then Mettaton casually walked by, lifting him up and carrying him outside. 

"I think that went pretty well!" The robot said brightly, staring up at the roiling fireball that their condo had become. 

"What the HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT!??!?" Undyne gestured wildly at the roiling burning hell inferno. "You just burned the place to the ground!" 

Mettaton scoffed, turning around and placing his hands on his hips. "Oh, as if you lot have never burned down a building before!" 

Everyone suddenly avoided eye contact, and there was much mumbling and innocent whistling. Except for Frisk, who didn't know how to whistle. Probably. "Yeah, but it's always an accident when we do it!" 

"Details have no place in show business, my dear." Mettaton cocked his hip, a bright smile on his face. "And now, we have a wonderful opportunity to spend our last day out and about!" 

"N-not really an opportunity... more of a n-necessity, really." Alphys shrank under the look she received from the possibly maniacal robot. 

"so uh, you got any plans for what we're going to do? or are you already burnt out?" Sans winked as the fireball that engulfed the condo mushroomed outwards.

Mettaton raised a finger and opened his mouth, then paused. He lowered his finger to stroke his chin contemplatively. "...No." 

And then they never did anything ever again ever the end.


	48. Vay-Cay Part Grande Finale 1 2/3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fear the ones that walk above.

Frisk and friends all stood out on the beach, hand in hand as they watched their condo burn to the ground. Considering that Vacation City didn't have a fire fighting service (Mettaton said it took away from the drama), there wasn't much else to do but sit around and wait for it to burn out. And sing Kumbaya, of course. Because according to Frisk, that's what people did when standing around a fire. After several long minutes of this they all turned back to Mettaton, who was looking as self-inflated as usual. 

"Well," he said brightly, "shall we hit the shops, and pick up a few more souvenirs?" 

"'More' souvenirs? All our other ones just got burned to ashes!" Undyne gestured wildly, accidentally hitting Alphys and sending her flying off into the upper stratosphere. But it's okay because she had a jetpack phone. 

"You really think I'd allow your belongings to be destroyed in a fire-"

"Yes," she interrupted flatly. 

Mettaton cleared his throat, looking slightly put out. "WELL, I can assure you that all of your possessions are unharmed. I had them moved to the plane just this morning." 

"wow, that sure is convenient." And then everybody laughed merrily as the credits rolled. Except Alphys. Rip in peace, you will be missed. 

Anyway, Undyne caught her girlfriend as she came screaming to earth, dusting off the fire clinging to her clothes and settling her back on the ground. "So, what? You burned down the condo just so we can do the same crap we've been doing?" 

Mettaton carefully considered his options. "...Yes." 

"WORKS FOR ME." 

"yeah, that's reasonable." 

Undyne sighed and buried her face in her hands. What a couple of kooky characters those skeleton brothers are! "Whatever. Let's go ransack some more stores, then." A cheer went up, and Mettaton flew up in the air preemptively to avoid being trampled on as the stampede of monsters charged into his glorious Vacation City. 

"...Maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all." 

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Terror descended upon the citizens of Vacation City that day. Buildings burned like torches, ash and glass littered the streets like a blanket of snow. The sound of thundering paws and the shadow of a flying skeleton became symbols of infamy, to be remembered for the rest of time. The general populous had since hidden underground, in the sewer system. Being MTT brand Sewage Disposal Tunnels, they were sparkling clean and well furnished, with high speed wi-fi. So, really, it wasn't that bad. Though they did have to resort to eating ratatouille, a dish made of mixed vegetables and thinly sliced sewer rat. Truly, it was a day that would live forever in history. 

Papyrus flew through the air like the mighty condor, the wind whistling through his bones and blowing through his luxurious mane of hair, which was a Mettaton wig that he'd refused to take off. He soared amongst the heavens, or possibly just above ground level, cackling gleefully. Several bags of clothing and nick knacks were tied to his legs. "HEY GUYS, THAT ONE LOOKS PROMISING! THE GREAT NAVIGATING PAPYRUS SAYS WE MUST GO THERE IMMEDIATELY!" He pointed pointedly at a small jewelery store, and the motion sent him careening into the ground. He landed with a thunderous crash, bones scattering everywhere. "I'M OKAY!" 

Frisk bounded about on all four limbs, collecting Papyrus' bones in their mouth and spitting them into a pile. They howled akin to the mighty great apes, rearing back and beating their chest with both fists. 

"okay, maybe time to bone it down a little. you're gonna wake the dead." Sans winked rapidly, which impaired his vision as he attempted to lift Frisk off the ground. He ended up tripping, and falling into an open sewer grate. Nobody noticed. 

Sans attempted to muster up the effort to scream as he fell forty billion feet or possibly twelve, landing with a thud on... shag carpeting? Not finding the energy to be confused, he continued laying there for several minutes. "well, this is shitty." he chuckled to himself for several more minutes. "...welp, time to get groovin'." He lifted himself off the ground with Herculean effort, glancing around the dark sewer. The only source of light came from the open manhole up above. His ribcage heaved from the effort of standing up, and he took a moment to recover. "boy, am i pooped." His laughter echoed eerily, sounding twisted and warped when it bounced back to him. "this place sure is spooking me to the bone." Sans leaned against the wall, accidentally flipping a conveniently placed light switch  
.  
A dim bulb buzzed to life overhead, revealing glittering eyes that watched him from the dark. He stared back casually, his left eye lighting up an electric blue. revealing what appeared to be a group of malnourished, feral looking humans and monsters. They all hissed in unison, scattering like cockroaches. Sans watched on passively. "pretty sure i saw a movie like this once." 

"Leave us, surface dweller!" Croaked a Final Froggit, and a chorus of hissing echoed behind it. 

"that's pretty ironic. so uh, how long have you guys been down here?" 

"We have not seen the sun since THEY came, bringing ruin upon us." 

"you're gonna have to be more specific, pal." 

The Final Froggit screeched in irritation. "Those that came from above, on a shiny metal creature! The ones who have taken our lord and savior hostage!"

Sans raised an eye... thing. "lord and savior, huh? i didn't realize there'd be religion in this story." You hush. 

"Yessss. The one that freed us from mundanitude, and gave unto us fine eating and cheap summer fashion: MTT." 

"MTT! MTT! MTT!" Chanted the others.

"you mean mettaton? he's right up on the surface, with my friends. so, wait... you've only been down here for like, four hours?" Finally mustering up the energy to be confused, Sans adopted a grin of puzzlement. 

The Froggit's eyes widened in horror. "Y-you... you are among the Destroyers! The One Who Puns!! FLEE, MY BROTHERS! THE ONE WHO PUNS IS UPON US!" A thousand voices cried out in terror, literally millions of footsteps echoing as the sewer dwellers retreated deeper into their abode. Sans stood there in an extremely nonthreatening manner. He looked up at the sound of concrete being pulverized, which sounded something like CHRK CHRK CHRAAK, or something along those lines. Before long a scaly arm had punched through the ceiling, grabbing him by the hood of his jacket and lifting him back up to the surface. 

"thanks for the rescue; i thought i was gonna end up six feet under." Undyne made a noise of disgust, dropping the chuckling skeleton onto the pavement. 

"BROTHER, YOU HAVE RETURNED FROM YOUR RETURN TO THE UNDERGROUND! HOW IS OUR HOUSE?" Papyrus hovered in the air above their heads, literally millions of shopping bags tied around his legs. That's a lot of shopping bags. 

Everyone stared in concern at Papyrus. Toriel stepped forward, and gently patted his fibula. "Dear, not everything below the surface is the Underground." 

"THAT IS WHERE YOU ARE WOEFULLY INCORRECT! FOR IF IT WASN'T PART OF THE UNDERGROUND, IT WOULD BE ON THE SURFACE!" 

"don't bother arguing with him. his ideas are firmly rooted." Sans and Frisk high fived several times as the amazing flying skeleton screamed in outrage. 

"YOUR PUNS ARE BAD AND YOU SHOULD FEEL BAD ABOUT THEM!" 

"Well, I suppose Sans is simply... bad to the bone." Toriel chortled proudly, joining in on Sans and Frisk's repeated high fives. 

"WHY DO I EVEN KNOW YOU PEOPLE!?!??" 

"B-because we're a bunch of l-losers and nobody else w-wants to hang out with us?" There was a general murmuring of agreements. 

Mettaton stepped up on top of a flipped mailbox, posing dramatically. Frisk reflexively posed with him. "Dear friends, I propose a final meal, to celebrate our status as loser weirdos that nobody else wants to be around!" He basked in their cheering, doing a triple flippy doo off the mailbox and landing atop Asgore's shoulders. The automaton cracked a riding crop that he just happened to have for reasons unspecified against Asgore's thigh, the boss monster squealing and charging off down the street. The rest of the group thundered after them, the sound of their jubilancy causing the citizens below to cower in fear. 

Sans and Frisk lagged behind the others, as had come to be expected at this point. They walked shoulder to shoulder, the fabric of their shorts swishing together. 

"Hard to believe this is our last day here, huh?" Frisk boldly reached for the skeleton's hand, lacing their fingers together and ignoring the way his exposed joints pinched their hand. "Feels like we just arrived." 

"time flies when you're having pun." Sans grinned widely as the human beside him snorted, lightly knocking their shoulder into his humerus. 

"Shush! I'm being serious. I... really enjoyed spending time with everyone. It feels like everyone's so busy these days... I've got classes, Toriel has her school, Alphys is always tinkering, Papyrus has cooking classes, and Mettaton is practically taking over the entertainment industry, Undyne's busy with police duties, and Asgore has his flower shop..." They paused, slowing to a halt and turning to face Sans. "And you've got your jobs, and your stand up, too. Sometimes.. it feels like we're all drifting apart. Like our happy ending was just a one time thing, and now we're supposed to just.. go our separate ways. But I don't want that. I want to stay together with everyone, forever and ever. I... I don't want things to be like before." They sniffled, eyes watering as they embraced the skeleton. 

Sans gently returned the hug, feeling wetness seep through the sleeve of his jacket. He patted Frisk on the back, rubbing firm little circles with his fingers. Their warmth was a familiar comfort. "listen, kiddo... i've said it once, and i'll say it again; you can't ever get rid of us. we're stuck to you like glue, and it's gonna stay that way forever." He wisely avoided bringing up Frisk's last statement. 

Frisk nodded against his arm, sniffing and raising their head to meet his gaze. "I, uhm... had other stuff to say, too." They glanced away almost bashfully, breaking the embrace. 

"lay it on me, pal. whatever it is, i promise it won't get under my skin." Sans winked, prompting watery laughter. 

"I just... wanted to say how much I liked spending time with you, too. I really like you, Sans, but the last few days have shown me just how much I like you. I... wouldn't call it being in love; I'm barely an adult, how could I say for sure what being in love feels like? But.. I do know that I really care about you. That's... all I wanted to say, I guess." They looked away, bangs covering their eyes as a blush rose to their cheeks.

They glanced back at the sound of Sans chuckling. The skeleton closed the distance between them, leaning up to press his teeth against their forehead. "love you too, frisk." He took their hand in his own, lacing their fingers and squeezing gently. They both shared a smile, unaware of how much they filled the other with warmth. "c'mon, let's go ketchup with the others, get some grub." They walked hand in hand, their laughter echoing through the empty street


	49. Departation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Planes go fast.

The blazing sun set on Vacation Island, fading rays painting the world in shades of yellow and orange. The water sparkled like Orange Crush; it's not love, it's not lust, settle down boys, it's just a Crush. ...Wow, what a stupid fucking slogan. ANYWAY, the sun was setting and it was real pretty or whatever, muted yellows and oranges seeping into every crack and crevice that faced the glowing sun. Except for the buildings, but that was because they were already yellow and orange from being on fire. Smoke and ash hung in a dark cloud, billowing upwards and outwards. Street lights were smashed, mail boxes were dented, sidewalks were cracked, and all the recycling bins had been placed upside down. Truly, it was a grave tragedy. But nobody cares about that.

Especially not Frisk and friends! Wow what a great segueeeeeee- "WOWIE, I DIDN'T KNOW WE WERE HAVING A BONFIRE! YOU SHOULD HAVE TOLD ME; I WOULD HAVE BROUGHT A SPAGHETTI TO ROAST OVER THE OPEN FIRE!" The group of arsonists all stood around on the tarmac outside the Vacation City Airport, waiting for Mettaton to finish preparing the jet or whatever. 

Frisk patted their skelefriend on the femur. "Pretty sure you're supposed to roast hot dogs and s'mores." 

"NYEH HEH! CLEARLY YOU HAVE NEVER EXPERIENCED THE DIVINE FLAVOR OF MY WORLD FAMOUS FIRE ROASTED SPAGHETTI! NOTE, FIRE ROASTED SPAGHETTI IS NOT YET WORLD FAMOUS. BUT IT WILL BE, ONCE I MAKE MY APPEARANCE ON 'HOME COUNTRY COOKING'!" 

Undyne appeared ridiculously skeptical. "Do you even know anything about country cooking?" 

"OF COURSE I DO! WHAT SORT OF AMATOOER DO YOU TAKE ME FOR? I'VE EVEN INVENTED MY OWN SOUTHERN DISH: DEEP FRIED SPAGHETTI! THE SECRET INGREDIENT IS SPAGHETTI NOODLES!" Papyrus' cape flapped behind him as he posed smugly. 

Undyne glared at him so hard that her eyeball popped out. "...!!!!! Okay, that works for me," she said casually, as Alphys frantically tried to reinsert her eye. 

Toriel and Asgore said nothing, because they were otherwise preoccupied. Toriel was attempting to read an upside down newspaper as Asgore whispered quiet encouragement to a tiny flower growing through a crack in the tarmac. But then I was mistaken because Toriel actually did say something. And here it is, right now. "Oh, dear. I.. seem to have misplaced my reading glasses. For over a year. Wherever could they have gone?" 

Frisk whistled innocently, shoving down the reading glasses that stuck out of their back pocket. "Haha wow gee couldn't tell ya hey is that Mettaton better get on the plane huh-" Frisk sprinted away, leaving behind an after image that winked and clicked its fingers before disappearing. 

"boy, they were sure in a hurry to take off." Sans winked and chuckled proudly as his brother violently combusted from sheer irritation. 

Toriel guffawed at an uncomfortably loud volume level. "Indeed! You could say that Frisk... flew right by!" Both goat.. cow... bear(??) thing and skeleton proudly patted each other's faces and knees with many slapuful hands. 

"Y-You guys really gotta, uhm... l-level out your puns." Alphys laughed nervously, squeaking as she was noogied by the only skeleton that wasn't on fire. 

"you got the makings of a true punster in you." Sans quickly released her before Undyne could cave his skull in, pulling out a container of seltzer water and spraying down his brother, who had been screaming incoherently the entire time. 

"THANK YOU, BROTHER! THAT FIRE CAUSED MANY OWIES!" Papyrus retrieved a box of Fluffy Bunny bandages from his... cape(?) and began applying them to every burn and scorch mark on his body. 

"don't sweat it, bro." Sans grinned innocently as his brother loomed over him, a fierce frown on his skeleton face. 

"HMMMM. I DON'T SMELL A PUN, BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU DIDN'T SLIP ONE UNDER THE RADAR! I'M KEEPING AN EYE SOCKET ON YOU, SANS!" Papyrus attempted to do an 'I'm watching you' gesture, but just ended up poking himself in the sockets. "CURSE MY TASTE FOR THE DRAMATICS!" 

Speaking of dramatics, Mettaton. "Daaaarlings~! We are ready for takeoff!" He slid down the stairs, assuming several seductive poses before landing in front of the rest of the group. "MTT Airlines welcomes you back for another fantastic flight!" 

"Yeah yeah. Put a cork in it, dork." Undyne stomped up the stairs as Payrus and Alphys trailed behind her (SEE, MORE RHYMING! WE COULD BE THE BIGGEST STARS IN THE WORLD!) (I-I, uh.. don't t-think Undyne is much for singing.), shortly followed by Toriel and Asgore.

Mettaton stayed behind, glancing worriedly at the stationary Sans. "Darling, are you quite alright? Do you need a lift, perhaps?" 

"don't blow a gasket, mtt. i'll just take a shortcut." 

"Shortcut?" Mettaton glanced up at the plane, and then back. "How could you find a shortcu-" He blinked, finding that he was talking to bare tarmac. He looked back up at the plane, spying Sans waving at him from the door. 

"hurry up, slowpoke." Sans winked down at the goggling robot several times, before disappearing into the cabin. 

"...I'll pretend like that didn't happen." Mettaton climbed back into the jet, closing the door behind him and assuming his place just outside the cockpit. "Well, don't you all look lovely this evening! Remember that refreshments are in the back, and be sure to keep your seatbelts on while the seatbelt sign is lit! We wouldn't want a repeat of... THE INCIDENT." Lightning flashed outside the cabin, striking one of Vacation City's flaming skyscrapers. "Anyway, please enjoy your flight, and thank you for flying with MTT Airlines!" He did a fabuful twirl before flouncing away into the cockpit. 

Everyone else settled down in their previous seating arrangement that I already described a few chapters ago, chatting idly with one another. Frisk avoided being strapped in four hundred times by covering themself in black licorice, which looked like seatbelts if you were as blind as a bat, or a Toriel, in this instance. She flashed a thumbs up for safety, before returning to attempting to read things and failing miserably. 

"nice trick. gotta remember that one for when we go driving with papyrus. although, i'll probably need that many seatbelts with him." Frisk giggled and nudged Sans' shoulder, chewing on a stick of black licorice. And then they remembered that black licorice is fuckin' gross and threw it all out the window. 

Mettaton's voice came in very clear and static free over the intercom, and he made crackling noises to compensate. "This is your captain speaking. We are just about to begin takeoff, so please be sure that your seatbelts are fastened and all carry on items are properly stowed. And remember to stay beautiful!" His wink was somehow audible. And then the jet.. jetted off into the air at a million billion ZILLION miles per second, shooting out fire jets like WHOOSH KABOOSHH! Anyway it was pretty cool. 

And then everyone had a great time the end. No but actually the flight was fairly uneventful, with only four hospital visits and seven fires. They landed the next morning in the airport of their village/town/city/metropolis with little fanfare, and Sans made a frisking pun and everybody laughed except Papyrus, but he was laughing on the inside so it's k. They all loitered outside of the airport, watching as Mettaton stood on top of Asgore's shoulders. 

"My dearest friends, it is with a heavy heart that I must part from you all. Though we may never meet again, know that I will forever hold the memories we've made in my heart, and I shall cherish them until the end of time." He sniffled and dabbed at his eyes with a handkerchief, before carelessly dropping it on Asgore's face. "Oh, and one more thing. I'll be there for tea on Tuesday, Toriel. Is noon okay?" Without waiting for an answer, he backflipped off Asgore and wrapped his stretchy noodle arms around everyone, sobbing melodramatically. Then he dropped them all on the floor and flew away with rocket feet. "Ta-ta, darliiiings!" 

Everyone watched him gyrate off into the sky, brushing off dirt and dust and dog residue. "W-well, on that note... I-I uh, I'm afraid U-Undyne and I will be p-p-pretty busy in the near future. I'll be w-working to get a research grant-"

"-and I'm workin' to become the county sheriff!" Undyne grinned toothily, wrapping an arm around Alphys and squeezing until she almost popped. "So I guess it's sayonara for now!" She reached out to roughly muss Frisk's hair. "But don't worry, nerds, cuz' Undyne and Alphys will be back before you know it!" She leapt away into the sky with Alphys under her arm, the dinosaur's screams fading off into the distance. 

Everyone stared at Asgore, who visibly sweated through his fur. "I, uh... well the flower shop won't take care of itself. Better go, check on it... make sure the flowers are still... alive." He ran off without another word. 

Toriel looked as if something had just occurred to her. "Oh, the school! I'm sure I have a lot of paperwork to catch up on. I'll be home after dinner, dears." She hurriedly wrapped all her housemates in a furry hug before blasting off with normal people feet, all the way to the bus stop.

"NYEH! I'M AFRAID I'LL BE SKIPPING DINNER AS WELL; UNDYNE TEXTED ME, AND THERE'S APPARENTLY A GREAT NEW PASTA RESTAURANT THAT JUST OPENED DOWNTOWN! PAPYRUS, AWAAAAY!!!"

"W-wait, but Undyne only just left-" 

The skeleton cackled and flew off with helicopter legs, leaving Sans and Frisk standing around by themselves. Frisk watched their best skele bro fly off, looking painfully morose. Sans patted them on the shoulder. "sorry to say, but i've got a meeting to go to, and i can't put it off any longer. i'll give you a lift home, though." 

Frisk stared at the ground, absolutely crestfallen. "..Yeah, okay." They took Sans' hand in their own, squeezing tightly as he led them behind a parked car-

-and out in front of their door. "i'll see you in the morning, frisk. don't have too much fun without me." He winked and shuffled off, disappearing around the side of the house. Frisk watched him leave, sitting down on the doorstep once he'd vanished and pressing their face against their knees. They sat like that for several long minutes, fighting back tears. After one last sniffle Frisk roughly wiped their eyes with the sleeve of their shirt, reaching under the mat for the spare key and unlocking the front door. They stepped inside the dark, empty house, idly likening it to how they felt inside. They fumbled for a light switch, hitting it on accident-

"SURPRIIIIIISE!!!" All of Frisk's friends (except for Mettaton, who was actually busy with things of an unspecified nature) leapt out of various hiding places, wearing party hats and wide, toothy grins. A stack of colorfully wrapped presents sat on the coffee table, and they could smell fresh baked butterscotch-cinnamon pie in the kitchen. 

Frisk stared for several long moments, tears springing to their eyes and tracking down their face. "W-wha..." 

"C'mon, dork! Did you REALLY think we'd all just ditch you like that? You need to give us more credit," Undyne grinned, an arm wrapped around Alphys. 

"THOUGH THE FUTURE MAY BE BUSY, WE WILL ALWAYS HAVE TIME FOR YOU, HUMAN!" Papyrus 'NYEH'd, wearing a colorful lampshade on his head in place of a party hat. 

"W-we, uh, r-really appreciate you, F-Frisk. Don't forget that," Alphys chimed in quietly, a slightly uncomfortable smile on her face. 

"Frisk, what you've done for us is something that can never be repaid. Though I hope that our friendship will suffice for now." Asgore smiled warmly, looking tall and proud instead of hunched in on himself. 

"My dear child..." Toriel paused, wiping at her eyes. "You've grown so much, but no matter what the future holds... I will always think of you as my own." 

Frisk was crying openly, smiling so wide that their cheeks hurt. They made eye contact with a casually grinning Sans. He held his arms out, grin turning soft. They wasted no time in running towards him, and were scooped up in a massive, skeletal hug. 

"happy birthday, frisk."


	50. Thoughtful

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Empty space must be filled.

The sun shone bright and clear in a cloudless, pale blue sky, warm rays bathing the earth below. Frisk and Sans were (surprisingly) outside and enjoying the weather, idly tossing a softball back and forth. Well, Frisk did most of the tossing. Sans just kind of... rolled it with his foot. But he was moving, which was a marked improvement. Papyrus had been on his case lately about his lethargy, trying to encourage him to be more active. Sans had brought up the point that they were skeletons, and thus couldn't accumulate fat or build muscle, but it had gone right over Papyrus' head. 'EXERCISE BUILDS STRONG BONES, BROTHER! MAYBE IF YOU DO ENOUGH OF IT, YOU'LL COME CLOSE TO BEING AS BUFF AS ME!' He'd then proceeded to flex until Sans left the room. It went on for quite a while. His brother's words hadn't exactly touched his heart, but Sans decided to at least humor him.

So that was how he found himself sweating in the mild heat of the sun, kicking a softball with enough force to send it tipping over at least once before Frisk scurried over to retrieve it, and then toss it at him again. Riveting. He spent most of the time introspecting, something he'd found precious little time for recently. Between juggling three part time jobs and trying to get his stand-up career off the ground (that was a good one, he should write that down) he'd been kinda busy. Thankfully, even on his busiest days he still found the time to sit down for a meal with his family, sharing jokes and enjoying their company. He hadn't realized how lonely it had been with just him and his brother before a bunch of weirdos all dropped into his life at once. It was probably the best thing that had ever happened to him. His somewhat bleak and extremely undescribed early life had put a bit of a damper on his outlook, but even at his darkest he was still brightened by the sight of his friends and brother.

And the sight of someone who was... possibly more than a friend, and far from a brother. And not just because he was unsure of what physical gender Frisk was. They didn't mention it, so neither did anyone else. Frisk was something unique. Some might say that it was because of their Determination; the odd power that only humans possessed. It was one that flowed and thrummed through Frisk's veins like a raging river, granting them drive, vigor, and stubborness far beyond that of a normal human. How else could they have come to the Underground, not only avoiding certain death but also befriending the monsters that meant to kill or capture them? It had to be something abnormal. But Sans liked to think that it was something deeper. It felt.. too impersonal to call Determination the sole factor, because Frisk was so much more than that. Kind, compassionate, patient, affectionate... so many words described them, but only those things combined made Frisk. Even without their world breaking Determination, he knew they would have ended up saving the Underground, one way or another. Or at least, that's what he liked to believe.

A softball thunked against the side of his head, prompting the skeleton to peer inquisitively at the human across from him. "You looked a million miles away. Give or take a few feet."

Sans chuckled lightly, grasping the softball between his fingers and idly admiring the texture. "sorry, my thoughts got a-head of me for a bit." Then came the crackly little giggle that always made him feel like there was something warm and alive beating in his empty ribcage. Magic and bone dust; that's all he was. But Frisk made him feel like more than that.

"You sure you're okay? You look really lost in thought. We can.. stop playing, if you want." Concern dripped off Frisk's tongue like sweet ichor, soulful eyes watching him carefully.

"..yeah, maybe we should. let's head inside, drink some lemonade. maybe that will aid in my recovery." He recieved a snort and a playful shove as the human stepped past him, reflexively reaching for his hand and pulling him behind them. Sans allowed himself to be lead around, slippered feet dragging across carpet and tile. He settled at the kitchen table as Frisk rummaged through the kitchen, eventually producing a carton of pulp free lemonade (Papyrus had insisted the pulp always got stuck between his teeth, and that it was 'ABSOLUTELY FORBIDDEN IN THIS HOUSEHOLD').

  
"So, what were you thinking about that had you so distracted?" Frisk poured them both a glass of lemonade, sliding one over to the skeleton before sitting down with their own.

"oh, y'know. this, that, and the other thing." Sans leaned his head against his hand, grinning lazily as he sipped lemonade through his curly straw that he carried on his person at all times.

Frisk rolled their eyes. "What are you, my dad?" They paused, biting their lip and silencing themself with a sip of lemonade.

Sans watched on, grin glued to his face. Sometimes, he wanted nothing more than to be able to form any other expression. "you wanna smooth over that one, or are we digging something up?" When Frisk said nothing, he hastily tacked on more words. "not that you need to feel pressured, or anything. if you don't wanna talk, then we don't have to."

"No, it's fine.. you deserve to know." Frisk's head hung low, bangs covering their face. "My.. parents, they..." Their was a hitch in their breath, barely detectible.

"seriously, don't feel obligated to say anything. if you're not comfortable-"

" **They died like rats**." Frisk's head snapped up, hair parted to reveal a wide, dagger toothed grin. Their eyes burned like crimson headlamps, pupils, irises and sclera utterly consumed by red red RED. They laughed, carefree and innocent, crawling up onto the table. Their lemonade smashed on the floor, leaving a puddle of liquid sludge, like hot tar, to pool on the floor. Sans found himself frozen in place, sockets wide as he tried to move, tried to reach for his magic, tried to do anything except sit there and smile. " **Poor little Sansy**. **You never were very reliable.** " The creature (it wasn't Frisk couldn't be, god please no) giggled again, holding a real knife between thumb and forefinger. The blade swung back and forth like a pendulum, counting down the last seconds of his life. " **It's better this way, isn't it? with you gone, there's one less thing for everyone to worry about.** " They-it grasped the knife with all five (six seven nine twelve) fingers, tilting the blade to show Sans his reflection. He waS GRINNING. The knife plunged deep into his skull, and he could feel molten tar rolling down his forehead, into his sockets and nasal cavities, dripping down his cheekbones and into his mouth, flooding his ribcage and pooling in his pelvis. He wanted to scream, but all he could do was S M I L E.

Sans woke with a strangled gasp, stifling a scream behind his hands. Sweat beaded down his skull, pooling into the corners of his sockets and dripping down his face. He hastily wiped away the moisture, climbing out of bed and flicking on his lamp. His feet clacked loudly against the hardwood floor, and he shuffled to avoid making any excess noise. He waited a moment for his breathing to even out before stepping out of his room, and heading almost on autopilot to the one across the hall. He creaked open the door, spying.. an empty bed.

"Sans?"

The skeleton whirled around so fast that he couldn't regain traction, slipping backwards and catching himself on the wall. He panted, eye glowing electric blue as he stared at the human standing before him, clad in bone print pajamas and carrying a glass of ice water. "o-oh, uh.. hey, kiddo. you uh... sure spooked me to the bone. heheh..."

Frisk frowned at him in concern, eyes liquid and luminous even in the dim lighting. "What are you doing up so late? Usually you sleep like the dead."

"just uh.. had a weird dream, is all." That wasn't lying, right?

"Oh. Uhm... did you want to stay in my room, tonight?" Frisk smiled tentatively, moonlight making their eyes flash like steel.

Sans thought of a machine, grand and powerful and revolutionary. He thought of a machine, secret and broken and dusty. He thought of reports, and of the feeling that nothing mattered. He thought of twisted laughter, and gleaming blades. ...He thought of warm eyes, and warmer arms. "...yeah, that sounds like a pretty good idea. just try to bone down the snoring; it could wake the dead." He winked, barely visible, and recieved a quiet huff of laughter.

"You're such a butt. C'mon, bonehead." Frisk grabbed his hand, their own so warm and alive. They retired to the bedroom, the door closing behind them.

Sans slept soundly.


	51. QUALITY TIME!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> PAPYRUS MAKES HIS DEBUT!

"SANS? SAAANS? WOULD YOU CARE TO COME OUT AND TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR PET ROCK? YOU BETTER NOT HAVE LET IT OUT OF THE HOUSE AGAIN!" Papyrus stormed down the stairs one fine day, literally leaping into the air with every step and doing angry poses in mid air. 

Frisk watched him in mild amusement from where they sat on the couch, enjoying their ability to watch shows that weren't MTTTV. Not that they were actually watching anything else, but still. It was nice to have the option. "He's at work, Papyrus. He won't be back until six." 

Papyrus assumed a contemplative pose on his last leap, crossing his arms and 'HMMM'ing loudly. "THIS IS QUITE A DEBACLE. NAY, AN ATROCITY! I CHOSE THAT ONE INSTEAD BECAUSE IT IS AN 'A' WORD!" The skeleton cackled proudly. 

"...Right. So, what's this about Sans' pet rock?" Frisk had never gotten the 'pet rock' thing. Even in the Underground where things were fucking ridiculous, it still didn't make sense. Although, they did meet one talking rock, long, long ago... "Is it... lost? Somehow?" 

"I DON'T KNOW, I'VE LOST IT! I'LL LET YOU KNOW THE STATUS OF HIS PET ROCK WHEN I FIND IT! SAY, YOU DON'T APPEAR TO BE DOING ANYTHING IMPORTANT!" 

"Sans would argue that boondoggling is actually extremely important." Frisk snuggled back into the couch cushions, which were thankfully less lumpy than the ones in their old house. 

"AHA, BUT MY BROTHER IS NOT HERE AT THE MOMENT, SO HIS ARGUMENTS ARE INVALID! INDEED, YOU COULD EVEN SAY THEY ARE NOT... 'A'PPLICABLE! NYEH HEH HEH HEH!" Papyrus beamed and gave himself a high five as Frisk clapped politely. 

"Wow, you're getting really good with those 'A' words. Practically at the 'A'dvanced level. Just don't get 'A'head of yourself." Frisk winked at their skelefriend's shriek of outrage. 

"HOW DARE YOU DEFILE THE SANCTITY OF 'A' WORDS WITH YOUR PUNS! YOU ARE JUST AS BAD AS MY BROTHER. AND IF YOU MAKE A BONE PUN, I SWEAR TO SPAGHETTI HIMSELF..." Papyrus wagged a fist through the air, but he was holding it backwards. 

Frisk raised both hands in the air in surrender, though they were holding them upside down. "Alright, alright. I'll keep the puns to a minimum. So, where did you last see his pet rock?" 

"WELL, IT WAS FOUR FIFTEEN AND THIRTY TWO SECONDS IN THE AFTERNOON ON AUGUST EIGHTEENTH, OF THE YEAR 2XXX. I HAD JUST COMPLETED MY COOKING CLASSES FOR THE DAY, WHERE WE WERE LEARNING HOW TO BOIL WATER. I WAS THE MOST ADVANCED IN CLASS, OF COURSE," he paused to cackle modestly. "THEN! OH, BUT THEN, I DROVE HOME IN MY RED HOT ROADSTER, DRIVING THROUGH EVERY RED SIGN AND LIGHT THAT I SAW. FOR INDEED, WHY WOULD THEY BE RED IF NOT TO INDICATE THAT IT WAS TIME FOR RED CARS TO GO? I PARKED OUTSIDE OF THE GARAGE, BECAUSE SANS INSISTS ON PUTTING ALL HIS JUNK INSIDE THE GARAGE. I SWEAR, WHAT'S EVEN THE POINT? WE HAVE AN ATTIC FOR REASONS UNBEKNOWNST TO THE GREAT PAPYRUS, BUT I'M SURE IT'S FOR REASONS OF A JUNK STORING NATURE! ANYWAY, I UNLOCKED THE FRONT DOOR WITH MY COPY OF THE HOUSE KEY; I PAINTED IT WITH FIRE STRIPES, SO THAT IT COULD UNLOCK THE DOOR FASTER. I FOUND NONE OF MY DEAREST HOUSEMATES INSIDE THE LONELY ABODE, FOR INDEED... YOU WERE ALL OUT DOING THINGS RELATED TO SCHOOLINATIONING AND CAREERIFYINGNESS! THEN I TOOK OFF MY COMPLEMENTARY CHEF'S HAT AND VERY COMPLIMENTARY APRON, STORING THEM IN THEIR PROPER LOCATIONS. I HEATED UP SOME LEFTOVER SPAGHETTI IN THE MICROWAVE, AND ATE IT! IT WAS THE MOST STUPENDOUS DISH I HAD EVER COOKED, AND THE NEXT ONE WILL SURELY PROVE TO BE EVEN BETTER! I FED THE REST OF MY LEFTOVERS TO SANS' PET ROCK, AND THEN OTHER THINGS UNRELATED TO THE ROCK HAPPENED. I WON'T BORE YOU WITH THE DETAILS." 

Frisk appeared to be sleeping. 

"WAKE UP, YOU LAZYBONES!" Papyrus shrieked for real this time, startling the dozing human awake. 

"W-what, what?! I was paying attention!" 

"OH YEAH? THEN REPEAT IT ALL BACK TO ME, WORD FOR WORD!" Papyrus crossed his arms and tapped his foot. 

"Uh..." Frisk cleared their throat, and started doing a not completely terrible Papyrus impression, "HUMAN! I SAW IT FIT TO INFORM YOU THAT I AM VERY GREAT, BOTH AT CREATING PUZZLES AND COOKING THE SPAGHETTI! I AM ALSO VERY COOL AND EXTREMELY BUFF; YOU COULD EVEN SAY I AM AN... 'A'DONIS! NYEH HEH HEH! ALSO SANS' PET ROCK WENT MISSING AT THIS UNSPECIFIED DATE AND TIME." They fell over after the last word, wheezing for breath. 

"WOWIE, I DIDN'T KNOW YOU COULD SOUND LIKE ME! YOU SHOULD TALK LIKE THAT ALL THE TIME!" Papyrus danced around in glee, imagining all the possibilities that could now be realized. Two Papyruses, twice the spaghetti, four times the puzzles!!! "ANYWAY, SANS' PET ROCK WENT MISSING THREE DAYS AGO. I THOUGHT HE HAD JUST MOVED IT, BUT I REALIZED TODAY THAT SANS NEVER MOVES ANYTHING IF HE CAN HELP IT!" 

The human took a moment to recover before speaking again. "Do you think Toriel might have done something about it? I mean, it's always covered in sprinkles and old spaghetti."

"YOU ARE INDEED AN INTELLIGENT PASTRY! I CAME TO THE SAME CONCLUSION, AND CONFRONTED TORIEL ABOUT IT! SHE CONFESSED THAT SHE HAD NO IDEA WHERE THE ROCK HAD GONE, AND THAT WHILE SHE MADE SURE TO KEEP IT CLEAN, SHE WOULD NEVER THROW IT AWAY! ANIMAL CRUELTY IS A SERIOUS OFFENSE, YOU KNOW!" 

Frisk wasn't sure rocks counted as animals, but sure why not. "Uh huh... so, where have you looked?" 

"NYEEEH! THAT IS WHERE THINGS BECOME COMPLICATED! FOR INDEED, I HAVE SCOURED EVERY INCH OF THIS HOUSE, BUT NO ROCK WAS TO BE FOUND! I EVEN LOOKED IN YOUR ROOM WHILE YOU WERE OUT! BUT ALL I FOUND WAS A SHOEBOX WITH A BUNCH OF WIERD STUFF IN IT." 

"Uh... please don't do that." Frisk fought down a blush, reminding themself that Papyrus was perfectly innocent and would never put the pieces together. "So, the rock isn't in the house. You think it... ran... rolled away?" 

"INDEED, THAT SEEMS TO BE THE MOST LIKELY SCENARIO! THIS IS QUITE THE MYSTERY INDEED. LUCKILY, THE GREAT DETECTIVE PAPYRUS IS ON THE CASE!" Papyrus exploded out of his battle body, wearing an old fedora and a tan trenchcoat. He puffed on a gummy cigar, an old plastic water gun holstered at his side. "WITH YOU AS MY SIDEKICK, THERE'S NO WAY WE CAN'T SOLVE THIS CONUNDRUM!" 

Frisk stared down at their British police uniform, reaching atop their head to inspect their bobby hat. "...Have you tried texting Sans to see if he knows about it?" 

"...EXCELLENT SUGGESTION, DEPUTY! I WILL LEAVE THIS TASK UP TO YOU!" 

Frisk rolled their eyes good naturedly, whipping out their phone and texting their skele-more-than-friend. 

*Hey, you know Papyrus is looking for your pet rock, right? 

*pet rock? that thing died a month ago. it was starting to stink up the place, so i put it in the back garden. 

*He's gonna be heartbroken, you know. 

*just tell him it moved on to a better place. 

"Hey, Papyrus," Frisk began gently, tucking away their phone. "Uh... Sans' pet rock, it..." they wracked their brains for the correct monster terminology, "it fell down, recently. it's... moved on to a better place, now." 

Papyrus looked confused. "A BETTER PLACE? BUT THE PLACE WE LIVE IN IS SO NICE! UNLESS YOU MEAN IT WENT ON VACATION? I HOPE IT SENDS US A POST CARD!!" 

Frisk cringed internally. God how were they supposed to say this- "I.. don't think Rockington is coming back, Papyrus." 

"NOT COMING BACK...?" Papyrus gasped in horror as Frisk squeezed their eyes shut, preparing for an eruption-"OH MY GOD, ROCKINGTON WAS KIDNAPPED! WE HAVE TO RESCUE IT!" 

"N-no! Rockington wasn't kidnapped, it... it's in a place we can't get to. But it'll be happy there, i promise." 

"..OH. WELL, OKAY THEN." Papyrus tossed away his private eye costume, revealing the battle body he had somehow been wearing underneath it. "NOW THAT THAT'S ALL OVER WITH, WOULD YOU LIKE TO COOK WITH ME? I PROMISE THAT OUR COMBINED EFFORTS WILL PRODUCE A DISH THAT IS... 'A'STOUNDING!" 

Frisk smiled, just a little. "Yeah, I think I'd like that." 

Sans and Toriel came home to a burned down kitchen.


	52. Day By Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Asgore? More like As-BORE!

Asgore woke at precisely 5:43 AM, just like he always did. He spent exactly seven minutes staring up at the ceiling as his alarm played the same song that it always did. It was a solo piano piece from a Japanese artist, simply titled 'Raindrops'. Asgore didn't have the foggiest idea of what a Japanese was, but boy howdy was it some nice music. As the clock ticked over to 5:50, the song tinkled to a stop, and Asgore delicately turned off his alarm. He sat up in bed, and his horns scraped the already present pair of gouges in the ceiling. His landlord hadn't found out about them yet, but there was sure to be trouble when she did. He vaguely considered using his royal title to his advantage, but thought better of it. He didn't want to be a king anymore. 

At 6:02 AM, Asgore squeezed himself into his tiny shower after waiting for the water to warm. He was so tall that the nozzle just kind of sprayed at his beard and nowhere else, so it took a little while to get clean. 

At 6:42 AM, Asgore got dressed. He'd found a particular liking for 'Hawaiian' shirts. He wasn't sure what a 'Hawaiian' was, but they sure did have nice flowers on their shirts. It was also one of the only kinds of shirts that came in his size. He'd picked a different color for every day of the week, and he had one plain shirt to wear while doing laundry. His apartment wasn't large enough to fit a washer and dryer, so he used the laundromat down the street. There was a nice young lady named Lydia that he occasionally saw there, and they would chat while waiting for their clothes to dry. Though odd looks were still a regularity, Asgore was pleasantly surprised by the strides humans had taken in making monsters feel welcome. He'd only been called rude names a few times, and a kind, patient attitude was enough to defuse any situation he found himself in. Before long, he was well known around around their little village/town/city/metropolis as 'that furry guy that likes flowers'. It was still better than Fluffy Buns. 

At 6:48 AM, Asgore had breakfast. He rarely found the time to cook himself a full meal, but he always made sure to have a cup of his favorite tea before heading out the door. It was a rare brand up on the surface, so he made sure to horde as much of the stuff as he could find. There was a whole cabinet dedicated to it. The taste reminded him of days long past. He wasn't sure if he could call them better days anymore. 

By 7:00 AM, he was out the door. That alone took him roughly two minutes; the doorways really weren't designed with monsters of his stature in mind. He never found himself minding very much. He was grateful to live only on the third floor, because taking the stairs always put a strain on his knees. He'd only tried the elevator once, and the horrid noises it had made when he was on it had convinced him to never use it again. 

At 7:10 AM, Asgore commuted. There was a bus stop that he used just down the road from his apartment. The flower shop really wasn't that far away, but he liked getting there early. Asgore would always take care to avoid scraping his horns on the top of the bus, and he'd always pay two dollars, even though the fare was only a dollar and twenty five cents. He was well acquainted with the bus driver; a kindly young man by the name of Anton. Everyone seemed so young these days. Asgore would always sit in the seat behind him, and they would talk of little things. When it came time for Asgore to depart, they would bid one another farewell, and he would carefully step off the bus. 

The bell above the door of his shop always dinged at 7:22 AM, even though the shop didn't open until 8:00. Asgore would take a deep breath, enjoying the aroma of nectar and plant matter. The damp air would make his fur a little bit heavier, but he didn't really find himself noticing. He would walk the aisles and inspect his wares, and he would sweep the floors and wipe off the front counter. 

At 7:35 AM his only employee would arrive, a shy young man by the name of Brendan, and apologize for being five minutes late. Asgore would assure him that it was quite alright, and offer to make him a cup of tea. Sometimes, Brendan would agree, and others, he would not. Asgore would gently inquire as to how classes were going, have you met any nice girls lately, how about any boys, don't worry, I won't judge. Brendan would mumble something and Asgore would chuckle warmly. Don't worry, my boy. I'm just a nosy old monster. Brendan would put on his apron and name tag, and they would chat until the shop opened-

-At 8:00 AM. Asgore always felt a little rush of pride when he flipped the sign out front to 'Hello, we are OPEN :)'. Asgore had added the smiley face himself. As time passed, customers would trickle in, and Asgore would greet each one of them personally. Hello, how are you, what can I help you with today? Sometimes, he'd get repeat customers. Those regulars would sometimes buy the same kinds of flowers every time, and sometimes they always bought something different. Asgore was happy to cater to them no matter what. 

The day passed in this manner until 2:30 PM on the dot. Asgore walked out the door with a farewell to Brendan, completely trusting that he'd be able to close up on his own. He would take the bus across town (such a nice town, shame he could never remember the name) and he would stop down the street from where his second job required him to be. 

At 3:00 PM sharp, Asgore would arrive outside of the local middle school. One that was founded and run by his ex-wife. Shame he could never remember the name of it. He would begin work just as the children were being let out of school. Some would recognize him, waving and calling out. He would return their greetings with a smile on his face and warmth in his heart. He would collect his equipment, and begin working. The school had quite a bit of topiary, and it required constant upkeep. And, when he had little else to do, he would work on more personal projects. With permission from his employer, of course. The grounds were filled with numerous sculptures, including but not limited to a smiling Papyrus head, a fire hydrant, an apostrophe dog, a Froggit, a tidy little house, and his personal favorite, a stylistic heart covered in tiny white flowers. 

At 6:30 PM, when the sun was sinking into the horizon, Asgore would go home. He would climb the stairs to his apartment, and lock the door behind him. He'd take a cool shower to rinse himself off, and eat dinner. He would check UnderNet 2.0 and browse the status updates of his friends, and would occasionally reply to them. He'd work out plans with everyone, and he'd look forward to them every day before they occurred. He'd glance furtively around his empty apartment and then open a private chat window with Mettaton, He'd blush with each saucy flirtation, fingers fumbling on his keyboard as he struggled to keep up. 

By the time 9:30 PM came around, Asgore would bid the robot farewell, and shut down his tablet. He'd undress and climb into bed, flicking off his lamp. He'd dream not of days before, but of what was yet to come.


	53. Pasta Palooza

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everybody has a guda time!

"PASTA PALOOZA," Papyrus shouted as he leapt out from behind the television. Frisk squealed in shock, and Sans stared passively. "PASTA PALOOZA, PASTA PALOOZA, I'M JUST GOING TO KEEP REPEATING IT UNTIL SOMEBODY ASKS ME WHAT PASTA PALOOZA IS-" 

"Okay great what's pasta palooza?" Frisk blurted, so as to make the madness stop. 

"CAPITALIZE IT, AND THEN I WILL TELL YOU!" 

"...What?" Frisk glanced in confusion at Sans, who appeared totally engrossed in not watching the television. 

"CAPITALIZE THE SACRED WORDS!" Papyrus insisted, volume rising significantly. 

"I-I don't know what you mean! Which sacred words? Pasta Palooza?" 

"YES, VERY GOOD HUMAN! YOU GET A GOLD STAR." Papyrus flung a gold star sticker like a shuriken, and it stuck on the tip of Frisk's nose. They continued staring at him in bewilderment. Then came something that Papyrus dreaded seeing every day. "NO, DON'T YOU DO IT!" 

Frisk smirked devilishly, winking at Papyrus at incredible speeds. "Sorry it took me so long to figure out, I guess I was just a little... star struck." They raised a hand for a high five, and Sans delivered without even looking. 

"NYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEH! YOU ARE LUCKY I AM STILL ALLOWING YOU TO PARTICIPATE, YOU PUN DEMON! NOW, I WILL BEGIN THE VERY LONG AND COMPLICATED EXPLANATION!" 

"pasta palooza is a day where you make a lot of different kinds of pasta. was i close?" 

Papyrus goggled at his brother in absolute disbelief. "ASTOUNDING! HOWEVER DID YOU GUESS?!" 

"it wasn't too hard. i just considered the pastabilities." Sans winked so hard that Papyrus was sent flying across the room. Toriel's warthog laughter could be heard all the way from her school, and Frisk had melted into a giggle pile. "aw, thanks you guys." 

"WOWIE, THAT ONE WAS A DOOZY." Papyrus lifted himself out of the shattered remains of... himself. "ANYWAY, NOW THAT THE TERRIBLE PUN SEGMENT IS OVER, LET'S MAKE SOME PASTA!" Starburst transition even though they could have just walked over to the kitchen! 

The three dumbsketeers all stood in the kitchen, wearing chefs' hats and aprons with various phrases written on them. Frisk was gifted with one reading 'Frisk The Cook', Papyrus wore his classic 'Bone-afide Cool Guy', and Sans had to settle with 'Life is a Pie-way'. 

"Where exactly did we get these?" Frisk wondered aloud, inspecting their apron. 

"FROM THE TRANSIENT CLOSET, OF COURSE! IT'S WHERE ALL THE IMPERMANENT OBJECTS LIVE!" Papyrus beamed as if that made any sense. 

"...Right. So what's the first part of Pasta Palooza-" Frisk was interrupted as a massive pot fell from the ceiling, landing on the stove with a thunderous crash. It was so large that it sat on all four burners at once. It was easily big enough that it could fit both Sans and Frisk inside with room for a tender blend of herbs, spices, and mixed vegetables. Luckily for them, that was a different holiday. 

"BEHOLD! THE 'A'MAZING, 'A'STOUNDING, OTHER 'A' WORD PASTA PRODUCER FIVE THOUSAND!!!!!" Sans played a dramatic sting on his trombone. "SANS, WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT- WAIT ACTUALLY THIS IS PRETTY MUCH THE ONLY ACCEPTABLE CIRCUMSTANCE. NOW, MY DEAR BROTHER AND HUMAN, WITH THIS POT WE WILL BE ABLE TO MAKE MORE PASTA THAN THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN IN ONE PLACE, EVER!!!!!!" Papyrus cackled as forks of lightning flashed in the background. "GO, MY MINIONS! RETRIEVE FOR ME THE PASTA!" Papyrus flared his arms out, a wave of bats flying out from under his cape and chasing Sans and Frisk out of the room. 

Frisk dragged their skele-more-than-friend out of the house, slamming the door behind them and panting sharply. "Sans, your brother is absolutely batty." They both shared a moment of fond laughter, slapping each other upside the head. "No but actually where did he get those bats from?" 

"he dressed as a vampire for halloween one year. he wanted it to be really authentic, so we caught some bats and stuffed them in the transient closet for later use. i guess they just stuck around ever since." 

"I'm not gonna question the logic. But I will question the logic of why your brother didn't buy pasta noodles for 'Pasta Palooza' himself."

"my bro can be a bit of a bonehead sometimes. so, you wanna take a shortcut, or the faster blaster?" 

"The what?" 

Sans' grin stretched all the way around his face, and ominous organ music played in the background. "oh... y o u ' l l f i n d o u t." 

SCENE CUUUUT-

Frisk stood inside the disaster that was their garage; a dark, dank place filled with dirt and dust and debris and detritus and other words that start with the letter 'D'. Durian! Haunting laughter echoed throughout, prompting Frisk to squeak and cling to Sans' jacket. "sorry, that's just my ringtone." Sans fished out his phone and accepted the call, holding it against his skull despite not having ears. "hey tori. not much, just headin' to the store with the kid to pick up some groceries. papyrus is having his biannual pasta palooza today. pick up some peanut butter? sure thing; we'll get it done in a jiffy." Toriel's laughter could clearly be heard through the phone. "yeah, that one really got your goat, huh? but i'm just kiddin' around. see ya tonight." Sans hung up before the sheer volume of Toriel's gigglesnorts could explode his phone. 

"So, what exactly is a 'faster blaster'? Sounds like a blender." Frisk stepped carefully over a pile of garbage, pinching their nose shut with two fingers. "Jeez, it reeks in here.." 

"yeah, this place is a real pig-sty," Sans said as if he weren't single handedly responsible for it. "and a faster blaster is only the most impressive and stupendous vehicle to every be crafted by hands either human or monster." Sans shuffled over to a nearby tarp, brushing off the four inches of dust on top and whipping it off to reveal... a motorcycle! It was a(n) [INSERT MOTORCYLE MODEL HERE] in a gradient blue-black finish, meticulously painted over with the design of a roaring mechanical skull in ash white. 

Frisk marveled at it, eyes sparkling. "Oh my god that's cool. Why have I never seen this before?!" 

"because if i rode it around all the time, undyne would try to prove that her motorcycle is cooler, and we'd inevitably end up racing or something, and then we'd crash and explode." 

"...That's surprisingly forethoughtful of you." Frisk could vaguely recall something about explosions, but considering how often they happened, it wasn't much of a surprise. 

"yeah. forethought." Sans chuckled nervously. "anyway, you ready to take it out for a spin?" 

Frisk stepped closer, hovering their hands over it as if wary of touching the motorized monster. "Is this thing even street legal?" 

"legal? i don't know the meaning of the word." Sans winked conspiratorially, pulling out a pair of motorcycle helmets from his jacket pockets. One of them was painted with a similar skull motif, and the other one was covered in ladybugs. "heads up." He tossed the ladybug helmet at Frisk's head, beaning them right in the face. 

Frisk fell to the floor, dazed and bleeding. They stared down at the ladybug helmet resting innocuously on their chest. "Awesome!" They spat out a tooth, grinning deliriously at the skeleton. 

"c'mon, kid; let's bug out of here." Sans winked from under his helmet, climbing aboard the Faster Blaster and holding out a hand to Frisk. They took it and he hauled them up, using up every ounce of strength he had to give. The moment they sat down, a rubbery fart rang out through the garage. "hey, better watch out. sometimes weirdos put whoopie cushions on the seats in here." Sans chuckled at the flat look he received, starting the ignition and bringing the cycle to life with a thunderous roar. 

"Wait, don't we have to open the garage first-" Frisk screamed and wrapped their arms around the skeleton as they blasted straight through the garage door, tearing off down the street and leaving a blazing trail of blue fire behind them. Sans turned the Faster Blaster on a dime, winding down streets and swerving in and out of traffic like a pro. Because they clearly weren't going fast enough, he used his shortcuts to jump them between streets, occasionally appearing on top of parked cars, or on the roofs of buildings. After almost a minute of pure terror, they zipped into the parking lot of the local supermarket, gently rolling into an open parking space.

"see, wasn't that cool?" Sans glanced back at his silent passenger. "frisk?" They fell off the bike, still locked up in a sitting position. "frozen stiff, huh?" He got a weak gurgling noise in response. "okay, let's do a quick transition." 

After many exciting events that will go undescribed, Frisk was back on their feet and smiling bright, as if they hadn't just had the most harrowing and terrifying experience of their life. Instead they were cheerfully pushing around a shopping cart filled with groceries and Sans, because it was his turn to sit in the cart. "hey, frisk." They glanced up from where they'd been inspecting produce, turning a quizzical look on the skeleton. "how does an italian broadway performer get famous?" They shrugged lightly. "they rig-a-tony." Laughter echoed down the aisles. 

After much shopping about they were finally finished, carting a basket filled with all different types of pasta noodles, as well as a layer of actually required groceries underneath. They'd also picked up some pasta sauces and a few different kinds of cheese, just in case. And then they were back outside, wheeling out their cart of groceries towards the mechancial death trap known as the Faster Blaster. Frisk ground to a halt at the sight of it, breath freezing in their throat. "hey, don't sweat it, pal. it'll all brie over before you know it." Even Sans' incredible cheese pun couldn't knock them out of their stupor. "wanna just take a shortcut instead?" Receiving something that might have been a nod, Sans gently steered his buddy pal friend chum behind a parked car-

-and out in front of their door. "say, why don't you just wait here with the groceries for me? i gotta get the Faster Blaster home." 

"I'm never riding that thing again," Frisk whispered, looking shell shocked. 

"...right. i'll be back. don't move a muscle." Sans winked and disappeared around the side of the house. Completely ignoring his suggestion, Frisk struggled to carry an armful of noodles inside the house, having to balance on one foot as they kicked the handle down, scooting the door open with their hip. The sound of boiling water was apparent, and it was joined by the the dulcet tones of Papyrus, screeching the lyrics to a top 40 hit playing on the radio. 

The skeleton whirled around at the sound of the front door closing, a record scratch playing from somewhere. "OH, UH. HUMAN, YOU HAVE RETURNED WITH THE PASTA! OH, MOST JOYOUS OF DAYS! NOW WE WILL BOTH IGNORE MY PREVIOUS SINGING WHILE I INQUIRE AS TO THE WHEREABOUTS OF MY BROTHER!" There was a brief pause. Frisk raised an eyebrow. "WHERE IS HE?" 

"He had to... pick up some stuff we forgot at the store." Frisk staggered into the kitchen, knees buckling under the weight of cardboard and dried pasta noodles. 

"TYPICAL SANS, SO FORGETFUL! YOU THINK HE'D HAVE ENOUGH ROOM TO REMEMBER THINGS IN THAT EMPTY SKULL OF HIS!" Papyrus began lightening Frisk's load, lifting whole boxes of pasta noodles from their arms and dumping them into the massive pot of boiling water. 

"Shouldn't you... take them out of the packaging?" 

"PREPOSTEROUS! THE TENDER BLEND OF PLASTIC AND CARDBOARD IS WHAT GIVES IT SO MUCH FLAVOR! IT WILL MAKE IT TASTE BOTH DECADENT AND DELIGHTFUL!" 

"..Uh huh." Frisk was going to have to try harder than normal to avoid eating this batch. 

"did somebody say my name?" Sans burst in through the front door, grin in place and winks fully loaded. Several member of the audience clapped tentatively. 

"...NO?" 

"No, I don't think so." 

Sans visibly deflated. "oh. guess i came in a little early. or late, depending. this door is really thick, sound doesn't travel through it too well-" he shut the door on himself. 

"...SOMETIMES I REALLY WONDER ABOUT HIM."

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The time had come. The pasta was boiling, the chefs were present, and the radio was playing the greatest banjo solo of all time; Pasta Palzooa had officially begun! 

"COULD YOU HAND ME THE SALT?" 

"sure thing, bro." A container of salt quietly changed hands, and then Sans passed it to his brother. Papyrus lightly salted the boiling pasta, before dumping the entire container inside. 

"HUMAN! I REQUIRE YOUR 'A'SSISTANCE! I NEED YOU TO TAKE ALL THE PASTA SAUCE AND PUT IT IN THE MICROWAVE FOR THREE MINUTES! NOT TWO MINUTES, NOT FOUR MINUTES, NOT SEVEN MINUTES; THREE MINUTES EXACTLY IS HOW LONG IT MUST MICROWAVE! MICROWAVE... IS THAT JUST A WAVE THAT IS VERY SMALL? NO MATTER! YOU HAVE YOUR INSTRUCTIONS, TINY HUMAN CHEF! DO ME PROUD!" 

Frisk saluted sternly, the thought that they were well on their way to becoming a professional chef filling them with Determination. They gathered up all eighteen jars of pasta sauce at once, gently placing them inside the microwave. It took a bit of finagling to fit them all inside, but Frisk eventually got the door shut, and punched in 3:00. The microwave instantly exploded, painting the room with hot pasta sauce. Frisk hadn't even turned it on. 

"WONDERFUL JOB! THIS WILL GO FANTASTICALLY ON OUR PASTA! HERE, SCOOP IT ALL UP WITH THIS!" Papyrus flung a pot at Frisk's head, sending them scrambling out of the way. It rebounded off the wall, and landed atop their head. "SANS! COULD YOU PASS ME THE GARLIC?" 

"sure thing, bro. but uh, you look like you've got your hands full. no worries, i'll just.." Sans placed a clove of garlic on top of his brother's head. 

"NO, I NEED MORE THAN ONE!" 

"you sure about that? okay, if you say so." Sans placed a second clove of garlic on top of the first one. 

"A LITTLE FASTER, PLEASE." 

"no problem." Sans placed two cloves of garlic on top of the second one. 

"SANS, WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS. I NEED SIXTEEN MORE CLOVES OF GARLIC. CAN YOU JUST DO THAT, PLEASE?" 

"why didn't you just say so in the first place?" Sans pulled sixteen cloves of garlic out of... somewhere, stacking them on top of the fourth clove already atop his brother's head. 

"WONDERFUL! NOW, CAN YOU PUT THEM IN THE POT FOR ME?" 

"sorry bro, no can do." 

"WHAT? WHY NOT?!" 

"they're too high up. i can't reach." 

"OF COURSE YOU CAN REACH, YOU'RE THE ONE THAT STACKED THEM UP THERE!" 

"doesn't mean i can get them down." 

"SANS, I SWEAR TO SPAGHETTI..." 

While all that was going on, Frisk had somehow managed to scoop up every little bit of pasta sauce that had been splattered around the room. They'd even gotten it off the ceiling. "Papyrus, I have the sauce! What should I do with it?" 

"YOU DO? GREAT! NOW, JUST THROW IT IN THE PASTA PRODUCER FIVE THOUSAND!" 

"...Throw it? Like, the whole pot?" 

"OF COURSE! WHY ELSE WOULD I HAVE ASKED YOU TO COLLECT IT IN THE POT? IF I JUST WANTED THE SAUCE, I WOULD HAVE TOLD YOU TO POUR IT IN!" Papyrus preened as he admired his own incredible logic. 

"...Right." Frisk sent a concerned look at Sans, who was busy trying to look like he was busy trying to get the garlic off his brother's head. Frisk shrugged, flinging the pot up into the air and watching it land directly in the Pasta Producer 5000. They received three points for their efforts. 

"FANTASTIC WORK! WE'LL BEAT THOSE HOTLAND BOILERS IN NO TIME! BUT BEFORE WE CAN DOMINATE, WE MUST ADD THE CHEESE!" 

"Okay, what kind of cheese do we need? We got romano, mozzarella, feta-"

"ALL. ALL THE CHEESES. EVERY LAST ONE OF THEM!" Papyrus cackled menacingly, which was apparently a full body activity. The garlic cloves fell into the pot as he threw his skull back, laughing like a mad... skeleton. 

"Oh okay. Do we... have a cheese grater-" 

"CHEESE GRATER?! NYEH HEH HEH! WHO NEEDS A CHEESE GRATER WHEN YOU HAVE THE GREAT PAPYRUS AT YOUR DISPOSAL?!" Papyrus' head began spinning like a buzz saw, and he staggered towards the cheese sitting on the kitchen table. He lifted up a full block of it and smashed it into his face, where it was near instantaneously grated by his horrible giant teeth into long, delicate spirals of cheese. Frisk and Sans watched on in horrified fascination and ambivalent passiveness respectively as this process continued. The entire room shook from the force of Papyrus' great grating powers, Frisk and Sans being knocked over like bowling pins from shreds of cheese, which flew around the room at hypersonic speeds. Before long Papyrus' arms and legs began spinning as well, whipping up a terrible tornado of various cheeses. "NYEHGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" Papyrus roared, the entire house lifting into the air for a split second before crashing back to earth. 

The kitchen was in shambles. Pots and pans and plates and silverware and drawers and cups and other kitchen paraphernalia were scattered everywhere. Frisk was stuck inside of a cabinet, and Sans was upside down on top of the fridge. Papyrus was somehow on his feet, beaming proudly at a massive pile of cheese, which he hefted into the air and slam dunked into the Pasta Producer 5000. He stirred the watery mixture of boiling noodles, sauce, and cheese at ludicrous speeds, the monumental pot rattling and shaking from the force. Then he heaved and strained with all his skeletal might, lifting the pot off the burners and pouring it into a massive colander that had just happened to land in the sink. A cloud of steam filled the room, obscuring their vision. 

When the steam cleared, Papyrus could be seen standing triumphantly atop a chair, arms spread wide to present... the biggest plate of pasta ever. Probably. It was an absolute mountain of tender pasta noodles, lathered in six different kinds of pasta sauces and draped in a layer of fourteen different Italian cheeses. "PASTA PALOOZA... HAS CONCLUDED! THANK YOU ALL FOR COMING, I HOPE YOU HAD A WONDERFUL TIME." Papyrus gathered up his brother and human, ushering them out of the kitchen. 

"W-wait, aren't we gonna eat it?!" Frisk salivated uncontrollably in the face of what had to be the most delicious looking pasta they'd ever seen in their entire life. The fact that it was made by 'Master Chef' Papyrus was a non issue; they had to have at least one bite. 

"EAT IT? ARE YOU KIDDING?! THIS IS A MASTERPIECE! I WILL NOT ALLOW IT TO BE SULLIED BY THE TOUCH OF SILVERWARE- I'M JUST KIDDING, OF COURSE YOU CAN EAT IT! I JUST WANTED TO LET IT COOL FOR A LITTLE WHILE, BUT I KNEW YOU COULDN'T RESIST MY MASTERFULLY CRAFTED PASTA." Papyrus grinned proudly, passing a fork into the human's hands. "BONE APPETITE." Sans chuckled from the other room. But Frisk had no time for puns! They beat their chest with both hands and leapt into the air, diving fork first into the pile of absolutely enthralling pasta-

The rest of the day was spent at the hospital, where Frisk had to have their stomach pumped.


	54. Lights, Camera, Justice!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hot fish on robot action.

"Darlings, your star has returned!" One fine afternoon was utterly ruined by Mettaton crashing in through their front door, bits of shattered wood hanging from the doorframe as he strutted inside. A flock of TV crew members flooded in behind him, setting up lights and hooking up cameras and unpacking mics. 

"I thought we all agreed to stop destroying each other's houses," Frisk muttered, knowing the robot wouldn't be listening anyway.

EXCEPT HE TOTALLY WAS! Mettaton pressed his face against Frisk's, optical sensors practically touching their eyeballs. "Darling, you're right, and you have my sincerest apologies. But after today, you won't have to worry about doors! You'll be able to buy a million BILLION doors with the money you're going to make after being a guest star on 'Cooking With A Killer Robot'!" Mettaton carelessly tossed Frisk against the wall, twirling away as they slid down to land in a cushy leather chair that hadn't been there before. "But first, we're going to have to do your makeup." Mettaton snapped his fingers, and a pair of pack mule- I mean, crew members came running over, both of them carrying a massive tube of lipstick. "Smile, dear, smile!" Mettaton hefted up the lipstick with his robo strength, swinging it at a wide eyed Frisk, who screamed and rolled out of the way. "Come now, darling! It will all be over soon." One of the sound technicians played a sound clip of ominous thunder. "Thank you very much, Roberta." 

"It's Hearno," squeaked the big eared mouse monster, still bundled up despite it being summer. 

"That's what I just said, Horatio." Mettaton waved dismissively. "Now, dearest Frisk, if you'd just hold still-" He swiped at them with the lipstick, leaving a smear of Cherry Blossom Pink #4 on the cushy leather chair that hadn't been there before. "They've escaped! No matter, I have ways around such things." Mettaton's face rippled like an ocean wave, individual microplates shifting and turning as his face went from a beautiful mix of roguish handsomeness and feminine beauty to a giant, horrifying eye of metal and glass. "You can't hide from me, darling!" His voice came out from the speakers on his shoulders, sounding slightly distorted. His massive ocular lens focused and unfocused as the robot whirled around, trying to pinpoint Frisk through the walls of the house. He deciphered strings of sensory data as he carefully scanned the house, pinpointing Frisk's location... there! 

Frisk huddled underneath their bed, frantically texting on their phone for help. Surely Sans could take off his shift to come help; this was totally a family emergency, right??? They froze at the sound of fabulous footsteps, which paused just outside their door. They weighed their options, unsure if Mettaton's robo ears would be able to pick up on their quiet tapping. But if they were that sensitive, surely he could hear Frisk's breathing, right?!? They texted faster, barely managing two words before the door was busted down. "Daarliiing, I know you're in heeeere!" Frisk held their breath as shiny black boots came into their field of view. They squeezed their eyes shut, hoping he'd just leave- 

The door closed. Frisk peeked their eyes open, and came face to lens with Mettaton MAX's R.A.Y. form. His speakers thumped with something distorted and threateningly bass heavy, and Frisk squealed as they frantically crawled out from under the other side of their bed. They hit a random contact and screaming out the loudest "HEEELP!!!" that they could manage. It wasn't very loud. 

"Nobody can save you now, darling! At the very least, take comfort in knowing that your next few moments will be. Absolutely. GORGEOUS!" Mettaton R.A.Y.'s eye/face unfurled like a blossoming flower bud, forming a directional cone with his glowing eye at the center. It began lighting up with a glowing magenta brilliance. Frisk squeaked and jumped out of the way, just as a beam of pure fabulosity fired at them. Rather than burning through the wall, it instead left behind a trail of colorful sparkles. Mettaton cackled in an uncomfortably seductive manner as his head trailed after Frisk, leaving behind a trail of absolute gorgeousness. 

Frisk scrambled up and over and under, using furniture to their advantage and at one point even leaping off the top of Mettaton's head. Mettaton struggled to keep up with the agile human, face constantly rearranging as he used different tactics. But no matter what he tried, Frisk managed to avoid it. Burst fire, heavy blasts, scattershots; none even came close to making contact. Eventually, he had no choice. 

"Well, darling, you've certainly given me quite the workout. But I'm afraid even you cannot avoid... this!" Mettaton clasped a hand over the heart that thumped rhythmically in his chest, gently removing it from its containment unit and releasing it into the air. It thumped to a funky beat, glowing brighter and brighter with every moment it hung suspended in the air. Frisk fumbled towards the door, the heart flashing so bright that the entire room was bathed in pink. Their hand just touched the door handle as the heart erupted, a wave of crackling passion pink power rippling through the room- 

-as the door was ripped away, a spear swiping through the air in front of Frisk. Then they were green, Determination flooding their being as they raised a glowing green shield against the force of Mettaton's Heart Wave. "Undyne!" Frisk gasped, eyes sparkling with hope. 

"Undyne!" Mettaton gasped, falling into a defensive stance as his heart returned to his chest. His eye flickered with power as he eyed the warrior that stood before him, looking resplendent in shining black armor. 

"THAT'S RIGHT, NERDS! UNDYNE IS IN THE HOUSE!" She boomed, voice rattling the picture frames hung on the wall, even though there weren't any. "I heard a cry for help from my bestie, and I got here as fast as I could. How surprising that you're the reason for it, MTT. Not!" 

"This is between me and the human, Undyne! Even you cannot stand in the way of their final, fabulous fate!" Mettaton posed dramatically, the effect slightly distorted by his horrible eye face. 

"I could beat your rust bucket butt any day of the week! C'mon, gimme your best shot! Or do you have to consult with your manager, first?" Undyne mocked, a toothy grin on her face. She twirled her spear through the air and posed heroically, the motion turning Frisk back to red. They took that as their cue to scurry out of the room. 

"Darling... you are not going to like what happens next. Prepare yourself for glitz! Glamour! Gratuitous violence!" Mettaton's eye cannon began glowing an angry red, suggesting it was quite a bit less non-lethal. "But first, how about we fight somewhere more... fitting? A battle as grand as ours deserves a stage!" On his final word the house began rumbling ominously. Undyne glanced around, and was caught off guard as a pair of noodly robo arms wrapped around her. She lashed out with her spear, hitting nothing but air. "Ah ah! Save that for the battlefield, my dear!" Mettaton blasted them out of the house before she could attack again, flying up, up into the air. Undyne looked upwards, gasping in shock when she saw a massive magenta blimp floating above the house, an electronic billboard on the side switching through pictures of Mettaton MAX in various poses. Suspended by thick steel cables, a massive platform hung underneath the airship. Mettaton carelessly flung Undyne up onto the platform, touching down across from her once she landed. "Well, darling... do you think you can dance? I should hope so, because this one is TO THE DEATH!" Spotlights blared brightly, and the platform underfoot lit up, revealing itself to be a dance floor. 

"Jeez, you really are full of yourself! Why do you even have all of this crap, anyway?!" Undyne gestured with her free hand at the blimp, as well as the various helicopters that were broadcasting the battle on live television. 

"Darling, a star must be prepared for every eventuality! I had the feeling that you and I might butt heads one of these days, and decided to make it something worthwhile! Now come, my dear Undyne; give us a show to remember!" Mettaton posed with arms spread wide, opening himself up to the first hit. 

"Alright, you egotistical freak! I'm gonna turn that face of yours into scrap metal! NGAAAAH!" Undyne leapt into action, dashing across the dance floor as she fired off a wave of glowing blue spears, which all homed in on the stationary robot. She frowned when she realized that Mettaton wasn't trying to get out of the way. 

And then, with a sound like funneled thunder, Undyne's spears were obliterated by a wave of red laser beams, leaving the automaton completely unharmed. "You'll have to try harder than that!" Mettaton cried, doing a twirl before firing off a massive beam of pure heat at the armored fish. Instead of leaving behind the odor of ozone, the air smelled strongly of expensive perfume. 

Undyne flipped agilely out of the way, leaping over and ducking under the dozens of beams fired her way. She easily closed the distance, swiping out with her spear before Mettaton could fly out of the way. He suddenly found himself locked in place as his pink heart turned a deep green. "Try running now, dork!" Undyne unleashed a salvo of arrow shaped bullets, all of them heading straight for the obvious weak point that was Mettaton's heart. 

"Not so fast! You think I don't have any tricks up my sleeves?" Mettaton chuckled smugly, slapping his palms together in a crackle of electricity. When he pulled them apart and spread his arms wide, a massive force field of electrical energy zapped the bullets into nothing. It winked out of existence a moment later, making way for Mettaton to fire off another wave of energy beams. 

Undyne dived and weaved through the increasingly complicated pattern of lasers, having to resort to deflecting several of them with the head of her spear. She growled in aggravation, having expected the eccentric robot to be nothing but talk. "Let's see how well your dinky little force field holds up against my EXECUTIONER'S LANCE!" Frantic piano blended together with roaring electric guitars as Undyne produced a second glowing spear in her free hand, twirling both of them like propellers before slapping them together above her head. It produced a massive glowing lance, one that Undyne had to wield with both hands. "NGAAAAAAHHHH!!!" Undyne charged towards the stationary robot, moving so fast that his lasers couldn't keep up. The dance floor cracked and buckled under each of her thundering footsteps, the distance closing between the two of them frighteningly fast. Just as Undyne was prepared to skewer the robot, she realized that changing her attacks-

-Mettaton's heart flashed from green to pink, and he rocketed up into the air just as the tip of the lance scraped against his front. He twirled around in mid-air, charging up a heavy blast aimed directly at Undyne's back-

-before she whirled around as well, swinging the lance around with one hand. The sheer force of it nearly turned her arm to dust, but she was determined to show this robot who was boss. The tip of her lance caught in the fabric of Mettaton's boot, digging into the metal underneath-

-and Mettaton found himself without a leg. He didn't have the time to be shocked, however, because his heavy blast exploded forth, searing right through the breastplate of Undyne's armor. She howled in pain and disbelief as the laser scorched her scales, her armored boots digging into the dance floor as she was pushed backwards. She closed her eyes and grit her teeth, sheer DETERMINATION keeping her from exploding into dust on the spot. She took one step forward, and then another. She roared and shoved her lance forward, the tip splitting the beam down the middle-

-Mettaton reeled backwards and cut off his laser prematurely, internal fans going into overdrive as they attempted to combat the sudden spike in temperature. "Darling, are you alright!?" He called frantically, before the light faded-

-and revealed Undyne the Unbreakable. She stood tall and indomitable in a hulking suit of gleaming silver armor, stylized with black and white heart motifs. Shining shoulderpads flared out like a pair of wings, framing a beaked helmet with a spiked crest. She took one ominous step forward, one hand clutching a lance nearly half again as large as her previous one, and a massive tower shield held in the other. "C'mon, pretty boy! Don't you want to give your fans a grand finale?!" Her voice boomed over the stage, and she grinned exuberantly under her helmet. 

"...Darling, you've read my mind! Come, let us put on the show of a lifetime!" Mettaton's smile could be heard through his speakers, his eye flashing through a myriad of colors before settling on a blinding white. He began charging up-

-as Undyne readied her lance and began charging forward-

-Only for a short, punny skeleton to be standing before them. They both ground to a halt, Undyne the Unbreakable and Mettaton R.A.Y. staring in disbelief. "Sans!?" They both echoed. 

"hey, how ya doin'. i just got off my shift, and i sure am bone tired." He winked at one of the cameras. "i'm uh, so tired... that i really don't want to deal with a couple of showoffs blowing stuff up above my house. ruins the beauty sleep, you know? and boy do i need beauty sleep; have you seen this mug? so uh, i'm only gonna say this once... cut the feed, or I ' l l c a n c e l b o t h o f y o u. you follow? great, i'm glad we understand each other." Sans strolled behind Undyne, and was gone when she whirled around to look for him. 

Undyne and Mettaton both stared at one another. "I think we're done here." 

"You read my mind, darling." 

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Mettaton's various crew members stood around awkwardly, unsure of what they were supposed to be doing. Several of them pointedly avoided eye contact with an irritated looking Frisk. A monster that looked vaguely like a bumblebee/walnut buzzed anxiously around a camera. "S-so, are we still filming the show, or-?" 

"Get out."


	55. Summer's End Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fambily fun tiems.

Days fell off the calendar like things that fell off of other things at a very fast rate. Summer was almost over, and classes loomed over Frisk's head like a dark cloud, or a very tall person who likes to loom. It wasn't like Frisk disliked their classes, or anything. Okay, maybe a little. It's just that it took away time that could be spent with their friends and family. As had already been established, they feared nothing more than the thought of drifting away from everyone, and being left with only memories. So, naturally, Frisk was going to make the last few days of summer something special. Or, y'know, at least pretty nice. 

"Guuuuuuuuuuuuuuuys and Toriel," Frisk whined loudly (loudly for Frisk, at least) one fine day, even though they were all sat around in the living room together. Papyrus and Sans were draped on either side of the human, and Toriel had gotten nice and cozy in her reading chair that she'd insisted on carrying all the way from the Ruins. 

"Yes? Is something the matter, small one?" Toriel glanced up from her book, casting a worried look at the crystal clear human(bifocal contacts were a blessing), who was pouting fiercely. 

"Well, you keep bringing up how short I am, so that's one thing. But I'm tired of just sitting around! We should get out of the house, go do something fun. Like bowling!" Frisk beamed a thousand watt smile, making little finger pistols and pretending to shoot them (Toriel had made it clear that finger pistols were not to be discharged inside the house). 

"bowling? sounds like fun. i've been pretty pinned down by work lately, all the responsibility has practically bowled me over. it'd be nice to switch lanes for a little bit." 

Toriel cackled uncontrollably, spittle flying everywhere as Papyrus leapt off the couch, screeching and attempting to put as much distance between himself and the horrid puns as possible. 

Sans grinned widely, spurned on by Frisk's giggling and Toriel's guffaws. "i hope they have alternatives to all beef hotdogs there. maybe turkey? if not, then that's a strike for me, sorry to say." 

"SANS YOU ARE RUINING MY LIFE. I CAN LITERALLY FEEL THE YEARS MELT OFF MY BONES FROM YOUR 'A'TROCIOUS PUNS! HUMAN, IF WE ARE TO GO BOWLING, THEN I AM DEMANDING THAT SANS REFRAINS FROM MAKING A SINGLE PUN DURING OUR VENTURE!" 

"you've got no bones about tellin' it like it is, huh papyrus? i really 'a'dmire that about you." Sans winked at the conflicted look on his brother's face. 

"NYEEEEH! I HATE IT WHEN YOU USE PUNS TO COMPLIMENT ME! STOP PLAYING WITH MY FEEEELINGS!" 

"Sans, dear, please do stop tormenting Papyrus. We do not want a repeat of the last time you overloaded his pun tolerance levels, do we?" A collective shudder ran through the room. Also everyone had a bad time remembering what had happened, which distracted them from the thing running through the room. "Now, I for one think bowling is a wonderful idea. Family bonding time is very important, after all. And what better way to bond than to... throw heavy spheres at pins?" Toriel paused, frowning thoughtfully. 

"C'mon mom, pleeeeeaaase? I know it'll be a really fun time!" Frisk danced from foot to foot, even though they were sitting down. 

Thoroughly impressed, Toriel nodded her assent. "Very well. Let us go bowling!" 

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Papyrus tore down the road in his RED HOT ROADSTER™, wind whipping through his long, manly hair as he violated every traffic law ever written, as well as ones that would be written after his road rampage. Pedestrians ran and screamed in terror, cars swerving out of the way and into one another to try and escape certain death at the mitts of a crazed skeleton. 

After leaving behind a swathe of absolute devastation, Papyrus finally pulled into the parking lot outside the local bowling alley. "BOY, DRIVING IS SO INVIGORATING! AND DID YOU SEE ALL THOSE PEOPLE WAVING AT ME, AND THE BLINKY LIGHTS? THAT MUST BE WHAT BEING A CELEBRITY IS LIKE!" Papyrus preened proudly, producing a pocketful of peanuts that he promptly pulverized with his giant monstrous teeth. Alas, the 'P' words could not amount to the absolutely astounding artistry of 'A' words. At least in Papyrus' mind they couldn't. Clearly he needs to learn about letter equality. 

"..How did he get a license?" Frisk whispered to Toriel, who shrugged helplessly. 

"you pretty much are a celebrity, bro. you appeared on mettaton's show and became the mascot for monsterkind, remember? anybody that doesn't admire the great papyrus is a chump." Sans patted his brother on the femur, and was quickly lifted into the air by a teary socketed Papyrus. 

"OH, DEAR BROTHER! YOU ALWAYS KNOW EXACTLY WHAT TO SAY! I FORGIVE YOU FOR YOUR HORRID PUNNING, SANS!" Papyrus shook the smaller skeleton back and forth, before tossing him through the front door of the bowling alley. "ALRIGHT, ENOUGH OF THAT. LET US GET OUR BOWL ON!" Papyrus ripped away his battle body, revealing a bowling uniform patterned with little cartoon spaghettis. "ONWARD, TO GLORY!" Papyrus gathered up the dreadfully short human and the taller-than-him boss monster, steamrolling through the front door of the alley and charging up to the front counter. "YOU, BOWLING HUMAN! WE REQUIRE SHOES THAT PROVIDE MANY TRACTIONS, SO AS TO PREVENT US SLIPPING UPON OUR BOTTOMS!" Papyrus stood with one foot on top of Sans' head, posing proudly with Frisk and Toriel in either arm, his cape flaring dramatically behind him. 

The girl behind the counter eyed the magnificent skeleton placidly, snapping her gum. "You'll have to, like, exchange the shoes you're already wearing, mister skeleton." 

"IMPOSSIBILITUDE! YOU SEE, I COME FROM A LAND WHERE SHOES ARE EASILY LOST AMONGST THE ICE AND SNOW! THUS, I HAVE SEEN FIT TO SUPERGLUE MY SHOES TO MY FEET, SO AS NEVER TO BE PARTED FROM THEM! BESIDES, I PERSONALLY MODIFIED THEM MYSELF TO HAVE A POWERFUL GRIP, THAT MIGHT KEEP ME ANCHORED TO ANY SURFACE! BECAUSE OF THE AFOREMENTIONED ICE AND SNOW!" 

The bored employee glanced distastefully at the boasting skeleton. Like, her break could not come any sooner. "Okay, fine. But everyone else needs to exchange their shoes." 

Frisk wiggled out of Papyrus' grasp, squeezing out of their cute little mary janes and placing them firmly atop the counter. 

The employee sighed, placing them in the mysterious location where exchanged shoes go and handing Frisk a pair of hideous neon yellow clown sneakers. Papyrus reached down, then dropped a pair of fuzzy pink slippers on the counter. "Like, didn't you say you couldn't take off your shoes, or whatever?" 

"FEAR NOT, BOWLING HUMAN! THESE SLIPPERS DO NOT BELONG TO ME, BUT TO MY BROTHER, SANS!" Papyrus leaned in, spaghetti breath washing over the girl's (her nametag read Jessica) face and causing her to wrinkle her nose. "BEWARE OF HIS PUNNING, HUMAN. IT IS A PLAGUE UPON THIS EARTH, AND SHOULD BE AVOIDED AT ALL COSTS!" 

Jessica blinked slowly at Papyrus. "...Right." She checked the tag inside the slippers, before handing over a similarly hideous pair of neon pink clown sneakers. "And you... ma'am?" Her empty eyed gaze turned to Toriel, who was still held in Papyrus' grasp. 

"Oh, I apologize dear, but I don't wear shoes." Toriel wiggled her giant monster toes for emphasis. 

"...I don't get paid enough for this," Jessica muttered under her breath. Then, louder, "Do you happen to know what shoe size you are, ma'am?" 

Toriel hummed contemplatively. "...Eleventy seven, I believe?" 

Jessica held back a groan, reaching under the counter to produce an absolutely monumental pair of hideous neon orange clown sneakers. "Oh, those look perfect! Thank you very much, dear." Toriel accepted the pair of disgusting shoes, bowing her head in thanks. 

"How many games will you be playing?" She wasn't sure if more or less was preferable, at this point. 

"ELEVEN!" Papyrus boomed insistently. 

"yeah, let's not do that. just two, thanks." 

And then they were all assigned their lane or whatever because I forget what else happens when you go bowling. They huddled around their little electronic score keeper device thingy, inputting their names and stuff and NOBODY CARES, LET'S GET TO THE BOWLING WOOOOOO-

"yeah, go papyrus! show those pins who's boss!" Sans cheered lazily from his seat, watching as his brother fumbled with a bowling ball. Unfortunately, his gloves made it impossible for him to fit his fingers into the holes. 

"CURSE MY IMPECCABLE SENSE OF FASHION! NO MATTER, I WILL SIMPLY HAVE TO IMPROVISE!" Papyrus' cape flapped in the breeze of the little hand dryer thingy in the ball return. Papyrus stepped up to the plate, er, line, without a bowling ball in hand. 

"Uh... you do know you need a ball, right?" Frisk called in concern. 

"FEAR NOT, TINY HUMAN! I HAVE JUST THE THING IN MIND!" Papyrus grasped his skull, pulling it from his neck with a cartoonish popping sound. He then reared back, and rolled it down the lane with all his might. "OWIE! OWIE! OWIE! OWIE! OWIE!" His head repeated as it flew down the lane, absolutely exploding the pins in a masterful strike. Papyrus' body posed proudly, his cackles growing in volume as he traveled through the ball return. "WOWIE, THAT WAS AMAZING! AND PAINFUL. BUT MOSTLY AMAZING!" 

Toriel gasped in horror, rushing over to pull Papyrus' head from the ball return and clutch it against her bosom. "Oh, Papyrus, are you alright?! Don't worry, I'll make it all better!" Toriel reached into a pocket on her dress/robe or whatever, retrieving from within a box of bandages. She carefully applied dozens of adhesive strips to the skeleton's skull, each of them patterned with colorful lollipops (Toriel had made sure to buy the sugar free ones). "There, all better," she said, satisfied. Papyrus' head was entirely covered in bandages. Sans and Frisk clapped politely, and Toriel bowed. 

"WOWIE, LOOK AT ALL THESE COLORFUL STICKERS! I WISH I COULD, BUT I CAN'T SEE ANYTHING!" Papyrus' body stumbled blindly towards his skull, reattaching it with a 'click'. 

"you're next up, frisk. go on, you can do it!" Sans vibrated with the urge to make a pun. 

"B-but.. won't this hurt the pins?" Frisk grasped their pink ball in both hands, staring worriedly at the innocent pins at the other end of the lane. 

"They'll be perfectly fine, my child. They know what they signed up for." Toriel gently steered Frisk towards the line, giving them an encouraging pat on the back. 

"..." Frisk nodded determinedly, whispering a little apology to their ball before gently nudging it across the line. It rolled forward at ludicrously slow speeds, almost slower than Sans normally walked. 

"woah, kid. may have put a bit too much 'oomph' behind that one." Sans chewed on a hotdog, which unfortunately was not made of turkey. 

"Y-you think?!" Frisk fretted, wringing their hands. Everyone watched as the ball sloooooooowly drifted down the lane, several tense minutes passing before it finally, finally made it to the pins. The ball gently tapped the first pin, causing it to wobble slightly. Frisk gasped in horror. Then, the pin fell back into place, tapping the ball and sending it rolling backwards. They watched on for at least ten more minutes as it came back, sliding directly into Frisk's waiting hands. "...Well, I guess it's Sans' turn now," they said cheerfully. 

"welp. guess it's time to move." Sans pretended to make the effort to get out of his chair. "nope, don't think it's gonna work. guess i have to skip my turn." 

"UGH, LAZYBONES! I REFUSE TO ACCEPT THIS! YOU'RE GOING TO ROLL THAT BALL, AND YOU'RE GOING TO LIKE IT!" Papyrus lifted his brother out of his seat, shoving a blue ball into his hands and placing him in front of the line. "NOW BROTHER, SHOW US WHAT YOU'VE GOT!" 

"well, if you insist." Sans momentarily listened to the sound of his family cheering him on, gazing deeply at the pins that mocked him. His eye lit up blue, his ball being engulfed in magic. The bowling ball rocketed out of his hands, flying so fast that it was just a blue streak, speeding by. It was moving so extremely fast that it flew right through the back wall of the alley. Unfortunately, it didn't hit a single pin. "welp. them's the breaks. better luck next time, huh?" He shuffled back to his seat, the entire bowling alley staring in awe. 

"...Well, yes, I suppose that means it is my turn." Toriel grabbed a ball, struggling to fit her giant furry sausage fingers in the holes. Eventually she gave up, grasping the ball with all five fingers. She stared down the pins, she wound up, and tossed the ball with all her might...! And it flew backwards, crashing into and absloutely destroying an arcade machine. They were kicked out a few minutes later. 

Frisk thought their first day of family fun was a great success.


	56. Summer's End Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Something something board.

Morning dawned bright and clear, one fine summer's day. Brilliant rays spilled over the lands, illuminating all they touched with a sparkling radiance. Skyscrapers lit up like shining beacons, towering glass spires reflecting the all encompassing light of the sun. It was this same light that spilled onto the face of a peacefully sleeping human, even though their room didn't have a window. Frisk sat up in bed, eyes springing open and a wide smile forming on their face. They exploded off their mattress, leaving a trail of smoke and fire behind as they rocketed through their bedroom, pajamas flying away and swirling conveniently in front of the camera as Frisk jumped into their day clothes.They karate chopped their door so hard that it hurt their hand really badly, so they just opened it normally. 

"MOM SANS PAPYRUS WAKE UP IT'S TIME FOR FAMILY FUN!" Frisk screeched joyfully, reaching a level of volume that Papyrus might describe as a whisper. Three weary heads raised from their pillows. Sans remained asleep. Who's the third head, you ask? I'll let you decide! Papyrus was the first one up, bounding energetically from out of his room and leaping down the stairs. 

"TINY HUMAN, YOUR ENTHUSIASM IS VERY INFECTIOUS! WHICH IS ODD, BECAUSE I'M CERTAIN I HAVE ALL MY VACCINATIONS!" Papyrus stood resplendent in his spaghetti pajamas, which were made of actual spaghetti. 

"Papyrus, dear, you don't have a cardiovascular system. Or an immune system," Toriel yawned as she shuffled out of her room like the old lady she was, wearing a night cap and a night shirt that looked exactly like that one dress she always wears. You know the one. Well, hopefully you do, because I sure don't. 

"EXACTLY! ALL THE MORE REASON THAT I NEED TO KEEP ON TOP OF MY VACCINATIONS! THE FLU IS A TRICKY FELLOW, I TELL YOU WHAT!" Papyrus waggled a finger warningly. 

Frisk sympathetically patted Toriel on the arm. "Anyway I'm gonna go wake up Sans, since he clearly requires further motivation." Frisk flounced away like a thing that flounces, possibly a gazelle or antelope. They skidded to a halt outside of Sans' door, knocking on it twelve million, four hundred eighty two thousand, six hundred and fourteen times in the span of three seconds. The door was reduced to cinders. "Oops." 

"where there's smoke there's fire," the previously snoozing skeleton mumbled, half delirious with sleepitude. He slowly rolled out of bed, clacking face first on the floor. "worms are overrated, anyway," he murmured, falling back asleep. 

"Saaaans~" Frisk sing-songed, tiptoeing over to smoosh their toes all up in his face. He moaned like a dying whale, flopping over onto his back in an attempt to escape the feetsies. 

"leave me be, oh tormentor." Sans weakly waved an arm through the air in an attempt to ward off his assaulter. 

"Nope, I'm putting my foot down. It's time to get up, and I intend to stand firm on the matter." 

"puns, my only weakness. you've got a real step up on me, but i'm sure i'll catch up if i put my best foot forward." Sans rose from the ground like a vampire, arms crossed over his chest. "so, what's today's grand adventure?" 

Frisk beamed, taking in a deep breath as they prepared to launch into an exciting, thrilling explanation that was sure to be so amazing and unbelievable that it would change the lives of everyone ever for the rest of time. 

Anyway Papyrus and Toriel were in the kitchen, making breakfast. Well, trying to make breakfast. More accurately, Toriel was trying to make breakfast while also fending off Papyrus, who was trying to make breakfast. 

"Papyrus, please. We all know what will happen if I let you anywhere near this stove. So let's not go through all the trouble of cleaning up after a disaster, and instead we can enjoy a nice breakfast, as well as whatever Frisk has planned for us." Toriel spoke slowly and calmly, as if explaining things to a small child. Being as she was speaking to Papyrus, it was an insult to all small children everywhere. 

"BUT TORIEL, HOW CAN I IMPROVE IN THE KITCHEN IF YOU WON'T LET ME TRY AND COOK THINGS? NOT THAT MASTER CHEF PAPYRUS NEEDS TO IMPROVE, OF COURSE. BUT IF I DID, I WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO WITHOUT PRACTICE," Papyrus argued, arms flailing as he attempted to reach for the stove. 

"...Well, I suppose you make a fair point. But don't say I didn't warn you." Toriel wagged a stern finger before stepping out of the way, allowing Papyrus' bony mitts to touch the stove-

-The house was instantly rocked by a devastating explosion that was sure to have destroyed something expensive. Frisk and Sans rocketed out into the living room at regular walking speeds, completely unconcerned with the cloud of smoke billowing out of the kitchen. Toriel and Papyrus soon emerged, both cartoonishly blackened by soot. "...THAT WENT BETTER THAN EXPECTED! I THINK I'M REALLY IMPROVING," the skeleton gushed proudly. 

"well, you two sure look like you had a blast." Frisk and Sans snickered together, playing patty cake in celebration of the punny skeleton's totally amazing joke. 

"Yes, well... I'm afraid breakfast will be postponed for now." Toriel dusted off her everything, a strained smile on her face. "So, my child, what activities did you have planned for us today?" 

"Well, I'll show you!" A xylophone tinkled as Frisk danced towards the front door, thrusting it open and leaping outside- only to be immediately blown back by the howling wind and pouring rain of a typhoonicane. Also they were struck by lightning, because why not. Toriel gently closed the door against the deadly downpour deluge of death despair, clicking the lock on the door for extra security. Unfortunately, she didn't actually lock the lock, leaving their house defenceless against criminal burglars. But not to lawful burglars, thankfully. 

"WELL, THAT CERTAINLY IS A THING THAT JUST HAPPENED!" 

"looks like family fun is being postponed too. tough break, frisk." Sans made as if to pat Frisk on the shoulder, but gave up halfway. "anyway, if that's all, i'm gonna hit the sack-"

"No!" Frisk shouted, posing dramatically. "I refuse to give up! We're going to have family fun no matter what the circumstances are! I swear to young Jeezy that I will put every ounce of my heart and SOUL into making this day stupendtacular!" Everyone clapped politely. 

"HUMAN, YOUR ENTHUSIASM IS VERY INFECTIOUS- WAIT I ALREADY SAID THAT. UHM... YOUR ENERGY IS MAKING MY ENERGY VERY ENERGETIC? NO, THAT CAN'T BE RIGHT. HOLD ON JUST A MOMENT." Papyrus flipped through his notecards, making very loud noises of confusion. 

"...so frisk, what exactly are we gonna do? can't exactly go outside, or anything. the weather's really raining on our parade." Sans winked several times in a row, and then he winked some more. Or possibly he was just blinking. YOU'LL NEVER KNOW!1!!!!1!1

"We're going... to play....... board games!" a choir of... choir singers... sang. Look, what do you want from me? Anyway there was much singing and radiant light shining down upon the human as everyone else gazed on in awe. 

"Oh, yes! What a wonderful idea! Board games are a classic family bonding activity. But whatever shall we play? Perhaps... Seltzer Tablet Showdown? Denture Derby? Early Bird Special? Other old person joke?" 

'sorry to break it to you tori, but those games get old fast." Sans adjusted his snapback hat as he also high fived Frisk, who was wearing extremely baggy pants. Papyrus screeched in the background, wearing a basketball jersey and hi-top name brand sneakers. Sans did a kickflip before shrugging apologetically at the flustered boss monster.

"W-well, I... was simply making suggestions! You should all feel free to suggest games as well-"

"REBATE RUMBLE IS CLEARLY IN THE TOP PERCENTAGE OF ALL BOARD GAMES INVOLVING REBATES AND/OR RUMBLES. THUS, IT IS THE IDEAL BOARD GAME FOR ANY AND ALL SITUATIONS INVOLVING BOARDS AND/OR GAMES!" Papyrus flew away with rocket shoes or whatever to retrieve the fabled board game from the transient closet, pulling out a cardboard box that was almost as big as the coffee table. He dropped it with a thunderous crash as everyone stared on in horror. "NOW, LET'S SEE IF I HAVE THE INSTRUCTIONS..." Papyrus dug around in the box, pulling out a twelve hundred page hardcover instruction booklet. "AH, HERE WE GO! NOW, STEP ONE OF EIGHT HUNDRED AND SIXTEEN THOUSAND-"

"Maaaaybe we could play something less... complicated?" Frisk suggested gently. "Like... Chutes and Ladders! That's a fun game, and it's easy to play." 

"NYEEH! WE'LL PUT IT TO A VOTE! ALL WHO WISH TO PLAY THE CLEARLY SUPERIOR REBATE RUMBLE, RAISE YOUR HAND!" Papyrus raised three hands. "...I SEE HOW IT IS. TOO INTIMIDATED TO FACE THE GREAT BOARD GAME PLAYING PAPYRUS, EH? HOW UNSURPRISING!" 

"sorry bro. but between the two choices, i gotta go with the ladder." Papyrus erupted into flames as everyone else laughed merrily. And then they all played Chutes and Ladders and had a wonderful time. Except Papyrus. Rip in peace, you will be missed. 

"Tell us, little one. How do we play this... Chutes and Ladders?" Frisk and family were sat on cushions around the coffee table, the board game set up in front of them. 

Frisk opened their mouth to begin explaining, and paused. They closed their mouth and frowned contemplatively. "I... think you use dice in this game? And... roll to see if you make it to a chute or a ladder? Let me just check the instructions." They began digging through the box for a set of instructions. Unfortunately, the leaflet was covered in dog residue. "Uh... I'm sure we can just figure it out as we go along, right?" 

Five minutes later, they all stared, shell shocked, at a flaming coffee table. "WOWIE, I THINK I WON!" 

"no way bro, i got so many ladders." 

"I thought the aim of the game was to collect chutes?" Toriel glanced at Frisk, looking for approval.

"No, you're supposed to be the first person to get to the end! ...I think. Maybe you do collect ladders? We should have kept a tally." Frisk half-heartedly attempted to beat out the flames with a throw pillow. 

"sorry to say kiddo, but i think that game was a bust." 

"YOU'RE ONLY SAYING THAT BECAUSE I WAS VICTORIOUS! WELL, I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW THAT I CAN WIN ANY BOARD GAME, NO MATTER WHAT!" Papyrus boasted loudly, hands on his bony hips. 

"guess we'll see about that, huh?" Both brothers made intense anime eye contact, little bones leaping between their locked gazes. Papyrus 'NYEH'd in challenge, throwing down the Rebate Rumble board. The screen did a smash cut of everyone's eyes, narrowed with Determination to win. 

Four hours later, Papyrus had retired to a coastal villa in Puerto Rico with his own yacht. Toriel had a modest summer home in the Florida Keys. Sans had a sparsely furnished townhouse in Portland, Oregon. Frisk had two bricks and a cardboard box. 

Day two of family fun was a great success.


	57. Confessions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Abrupt.

The night air was warm and thick with both moisture and the song of insects. A gentle breeze helped quell the stifling heat, though only just. The pale moonlight was stifled by a thick layer of clouds, painting the sky an eerie dark gray. Starlight existed only as a memory. A pitcher of lemonade sat on the patio table, beading with condensation. A smooth glass of sweetened, diluted lemon juice was clutched between bony fingers, occasionally trying to escape their grasp. "gee, this thing sure is trying to give me the slip." Sans grinned softly at the sound of crackly giggles, feeling something warm pulsing in his chest. 

"You're such a dork," Frisk teased, lightly shoving their hand against Sans' humerus. They peered at him with eyes like liquid love. His eye lit up a soft blue in response, illuminating the corners and contours of their face. He had the sudden urge to trace every wrinkle and line with his finger, to feel yielding flesh beneath his carpals. They peered owlishly at him, unspoken questions written on their face. 

"just thought we could use a little lighting," he said by way of explanation. Sans leaned back in his chair, wrought iron digging into his bones through the thin padding. "besides, you look good in blue." He chuckled at the flare of color on their face. "yeah, red looks pretty good too." Frisk made a little noise in the back of their throat to express their embarrassment. "c'mon, what'samatter?" 

Frisk fidgeted with the sleeves of their unnecessary sweater, not looking directly at Sans. "I'm just not used to you being... flirtatious." 

"this old bag of bones had to learn a new trick some time or another." Sans stared at the beads of moisture dripping down his glass, watching how they collected on his fingers. "but uh, there was a reason i brought you out here." 

"Yeah, I figured. So.. what's up? And why couldn't we talk about it inside?" Frisk tugged at the collar of their sweater, making a face at the feeling of the fabric sticking to their skin. 

"just felt like this was a more appropriate setting, is all." Sans swept his gaze across the yard, briefly illuminating a softball abandoned amongst a bed of flowers. "i had somethin' to ask you. somethin' pretty important." 

"Sure. What is it?" Frisk looked at him, their eyes so, so wide. They were dark as pitch out here. 

"well, it's about... everything. everything involving you and us. monsters, that is. have you ever... been to the underground before?" Sans watched carefully, looking more like a statue than a living skeleton. 

Frisk wore a mask of utter confusion. "What do you mean? Of course I haven't. I fell into the Ruins, met Toriel-"

"did it feel like you'd met her before? like she was someone you knew in another life, in another time?" Sans leaned forward, grin distorted in the shadows cast by his eye. 

Frisk froze in their seat. "I-I don't know what you mean, it was the first time I met her-" 

"but was it the first time you knew her? c'mon, frisk. don't run from the question. how about me n' papyrus? did we seem familiar? like old friends?" 

"Sans, I don't know what you're talking about. Y...you're scaring me." 

Sans slowly sat back, a weary sigh gusting between his teeth. "...i'm scared too, frisk. that's why i need your help. i just need you to tell me one thing. did you know us? did you save us? ...did you hurt us? did you kill us, frisk?" 

Frisk stared at him with those wide eyes, pupils engorged in the low light. They trembled. "...I-it was different, Sans. This time. I thought everything would be the same, and I'd just do what I'd always do, but it wasn't. Everyone, everything.. it was new. Exciting. Interesting. I.. wanted to see more of it. And when I did.. I saw more of you. All of you. You weren't just... characters, anymore. You didn't just do and say the same things, over and over again. You were... people. You were my friends, my family. You ARE my friends and family. Sans, please... I don't want to lose that." 

"neither do i. that's why i need to know. D i d y o u k i l l u s?" Sans was not smiling. His mouth curved upwards, dark and foreboding. 

"I... I-I..." Frisk choked on a sob, tears trailing down their face. 

"...thanks for being honest with me, pal. i know it must be hard to talk about. c'mere." Sans held his arms out, beckoning. Frisk wasted no time in throwing themself at the skeleton, pressing their face into the fabric of his hoodie. "it's okay, frisk. ...it's all over now." 

Frisk tried to sigh in relief, but it came out as a wet gasp instead. They glanced down, vision swimming, red blossoming around shards of sharpened bone. They looked back up into the gaping maw of a mechanical skull, and then everything was white. 

Frisk woke with a sharp gasp, tears already hot and trickling on their face. They threw off a comforter that was suddenly suffocating, backing up against their headboard. They wrapped shaking arms around their knees, muffling short, shuddering sobs into the crook of their elbow. In the room across from there, a single blue eye stared at the door. 

Neither one slept that night.


	58. Interlude: Morning Blues

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I like fluff, okay?

The sun rose, birds sang, plants... did plant things, and people woke up. The whole shtick repeated that morning like it always did, but the imagined sunlight did not fill Frisk with determination. They stared, blinking slowly, at the glowing face of their alarm clock, as they had done for the better part of the night. They watched wordlessly as the digital digits ticked upward, until they were staring at a blinking 8:00. Several minutes of sliding out of bed and shrugging into a set of clean clothes followed, all done with their eyes barely open. They fumbled with the lock on their door before realizing that it was already unlocked, leaning their weight against the knob and the door and stumbling out into the hallway. Frisk dragged their feet all the way to the bathroom, not even bothering to turn the light on as they turned on the sink. They splashed their face with cold water, feeling their fatigue lessen only marginally. A long, drawn out sigh followed; the first sound they had made in hours. Toothbrush in one hand, toothpaste in the other. Frisk brushed their teeth for twenty seconds before realizing they hadn't actually used any toothpaste. Then they squeezed the tube without taking the cap off. Once toothpaste had actually made it onto the bristles of the toothbrush, they angled it somewhere near their face and began brushing. The first stroke smeared minty paste on their chin, but they made it in their mouth right after. 

Frisk emerged from the bathroom several minutes later, looking fresh faced and ready to start the day! Except not. Their hair was a tangled, half brushed mess, and they still had a bit of toothpaste on their chin. Dark bags hung under half lidded eyes, which stared, dazed, at nothing. Frisk shuffled out into the living room, hearing the sound of hushed voices from the kitchen. They could easily make out the owners of each voice, but even Papyrus' normal screaming volume had been lowered to the point that they couldn't make out individual words. They caught what might have been their name, and something that started with an 'ex', but nothing beyond that. They stood still for a moment, letting the sound of Sans' low murmurs, Toriel's hushed whispers, and Papyrus' muffled actually-speaking-at-a-regular-volume tone wash over them. They crept closer to the kitchen, and caught a snippet of conversation. 

"-ave to get another job. it's not a big deal, bro." 

"BUT BROTHER, SURELY I COULD FIND THE TIME BETWEEN CLASSES-"

"nope, out of the question. you and frisk both need to just focus on your schooling, and let us worry about things." 

"I.. do believe Sans makes a fair point, dear. We are both capable adults. And you have my word that I will make sure your brother doesn't overwork himself." 

"HE WOULDN'T NEED TO WORRY ABOUT BEING OVERWORKED IF HE JUST BECAME A PROFESSIONAL SLACKER, LIKE I SUGGESTED!" 

"that isn't a real job, bro-" Sans caught a flash of long, messy hair out of the corner of his eye. "looks like frisk is up. c'mon in, kiddo. have a seat." 

"GOOD MORNING, HUMAN!" Papyrus called at his typical level of volume. 

Frisk turned the corner into the kitchen, stifling a yawn. Their weary gaze swept over everyone in the room: Sans was settled at the kitchen table, a newspaper balled up in front of him. Papyrus was in front of the stove, waving energetically at Frisk. Toriel hovered at the skeleton's side, sparing a warm smile before returning to making sure Papyrus didn't burn the place down. "Hello, dear. I trust you slept well?" 

"What was that about Sans getting another job?" Despite looking half dead, Frisk sounded surprisingly alert. The kitchen commotion paused for a split second, before resuming as if nothing had been said. 

"nothin' to worry about, kiddo. just throwin' ideas around. besides, workin' as a bus boy is gettin' kinda old, you know? keeps me really bus-y, and you know we can't have that." Sans winked like he always did after a particularly terrible pun. It earned a light giggle from Toriel and a short screech from his brother, but otherwise fell flat.

"...Okay. But if anything is going on, you'd tell me? Right?" Frisk sounded almost accusatory.

"My child, I assure you... if there were any serious issues, we would make sure to let you know." Toriel abandoned her post in favor of wrapping her big, fluffy arms around Frisk, having to lean down to do so. She ran thick fingers through their hair, nails catching in a handful of tangles, which she gently smoothed out. Frisk sighed and leaned against her, eyes shutting against their will. Soothing, maternal warmth overcame them, and darkness followed shortly. "..Sleep well, young Frisk." Toriel scooped them up in her arms (they were so small, so fragile) and carried them back into their bedroom, gently settling them in amongst the sheets and blankets. She placed a gentle, fuzzy kiss against their forehead, and shut the door behind her. 

Overcome with emotion, Papyrus bawled loudly, rushing over to lift his brother out of his seat and hug him tightly. Sans smiled and allowed his brother to do as he wished, skull leaned against a rounded shoulderpad. They stayed like that for several long moments, until the smell of something burning became apparent. "OH MY GOD, THE PANCAKES!" Papyrus flung his brother across the room in panic, backflipping over to the stove to rescue the burning pancakes. Toriel came running back with the fire extinguisher. 

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When Frisk awoke next, they felt pleasantly drowsy and deliciously warm. They snuggled deep into their blankets, eyes peeking out from under the comforter. On their bedside table was a plate of pancakes and a glass of milk with a note taped to it. They almost reluctantly eschewed their upper half of the covers, shuffling over to remove the note, unfolding it and reading the horrid font printed upon it. 'DEAR HUMAN, PLEASE BE SURE TO ENJOY THIS DELICIOUS PLATE OF PANCAKES MADE BY YOURS TRULY. PAPYRUS, I MEAN. I'M PAPYRUS, AND I MADE THE PANCAKES. ME. ALSO, PLEASE MAKE SURE TO DRINK THIS MILK. IT WILL GIVE YOU STRONG BONES! I KNOW YOU AREN'T A SKELETON, BUT IT'S STILL IMPORTANT!!! LOVE, PAPYRUS. NYEH!' 

Frisk smiled warmly at the handwritten note, folding it back up and placing it next to the glass of milk before grabbing the plate of pancakes. They used the fork that Papyrus had miraculously remembered to carve off a piece and eat it. It tasted a little bit like charcoal, but mostly... it tasted like home.


	59. Summer's End Part 3: Reaching Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Is there really a happy ending?

Time passed, slowly but surely. Morning blended into afternoon, and Frisk grew painfully bored of sitting around the house. They could only rearrange Papyrus' action figures and Toriel's books and Sans' socks so many times before it became boring. Also they were too short to hide anything on top of the ceiling fan, so their pranking ideas went down the toilet, which they were also too short to put things on top of. Okay not really. Anyway, sitting around didn't hold any appeal, so Frisk would do something that didn't involve sitting around! Well, it might, but it'd be in a more interesting context. So Frisk prepared for the adventure of a lifetime! Which basically involved putting on their shoes and a nice jacket, even though it was hot outside. Fashion comes first, after all. That's a Metta-fact! 

Frisk pocketed their cellphone, then thought for a moment and pocketed a box of Toriel's favorite brand of tea, too. They weren't actually sure of what kind of tea it was, considering they never bothered to read the box, but it was sure delicious. After stocking up they left through the front door, which is very important and that's why it had to be clarified. They locked the door with their own personal house key, which had a little red heart keychain on it, which was one of several gifts that Alphys had gotten them on their birthday. Oh what grand times those were, when everyone could spend time together (except Mettaton, who gave them a private yacht by way of apology. Frisk donated it to Toys for Tots) and cause ridiculous amounts of property damage. Frisk thought back on those long gone days, all the way back in just last month. Well, it felt like a long time, at least. ANYWAY Frisk left the house, thinking many more thoughtful things as they walked down the sidewalk towards the bus stop. 

Like things about Toriel, and Sans and Papyrus! Boy howdy weren't those some swell folks. Frisk had never expected that going up to Mt. Ebott on that fateful day would lead to them finding the family they had always needed. People that loved them... how funny, Frisk mused, that they had a better time finding love in a hole in the ground than on the surface. Frisk frowned down at their hands, not liking where their thoughts were going. But it was true, wasn't it? Nobody on the surface had cared about them. Especially not Them. Why else would they have gone up to a mountain that nobody ever returned from? But... everything worked out in the end. Frisk had a family, and friends. People who cared about them. Frisk was finally happy, and monsters were finally free. And that was the end of it. 

Frisk boarded the bus when it pulled up, smiling genially at the driver as they handed over their bus fare. The grooved metal coins were comforting, in a strange way. More familiar than bills. They settled into a seat near the front, relieved to find the bus was empty enough to allow them a seat to themself. Even after being up on the surface for as long as they had, they still found themselves a little wary around other humans. But everything was okay now, because humans had accepted monsters with open arms. Sure, people were wary at first, and there were still some who were stubbornly skeptical, but it was pretty much an ideal situation. A true happy ending.

They thanked the bus driver on the way down even though it wasn't necessary, practically skipping down the sidewalk, because impractical skipping is very dangerous. They continued skipping practically, earning a few odd looks from faceless passers-by. At least, they would be odd looks if said passers-by had faces with which to make expressions. Frisk waved happily at one, and it tripped over a fire hydrant. Okay, time to ignore that. Frisk walked another half a block before stopping in front of their destination. 'Golden Flower Flora'. 

The bell above the door rang with a delicate tinkling sound, announcing that a customer had arrived. Model Employee Brendan Minnick jerked up from where he'd been snoozing on the counter, a frantic look in his eyes. He settled instantly upon catching sight of who had walked in through the door, breathing a sigh of relief and also anxiety for an entirely different reason. "H-hey, Frisk. Asgore is in the back, if you need him. You, uhm... look nice, today." 

"You're lookin' pretty good yourself, hot stuff," Frisk replied almost reflexively, flashing a charismatic grin and a playful wink. They strutted past the starstruck employee, and into the break room. 

Brendan sighed dreamily, hearts in his eyes. And then he screamed in terror and agony because of the aforementioned hearts in his eyes. 

Asgore turned at the sound of the door opening, having been hunched over the microwave. "Oh, Frisk! What a lovely surprise. Come in, I was just about to make some tea." He gestured grandly to the tiny plastic fold out table, and tiny plastic fold out chairs that sat around it. Frisk happily took a seat, reaching into their coat pocket and producing the box of tea they'd brought. "Oh? What's this?" Asgore lifted the box of tea with one of his giant murder hands, squinting at the label. Unfortunately, it was covered in dog residue. 

"It's Toriel's favorite tea. I thought you might like it," Frisk explained simply. They smiled at the dumbstruck look on Asgore's face; it was better than what he usually looked like when Toriel was mentioned. 

"Is it, now? ...Well, I suppose I'll have to see how good it is, then!" Asgore turned back to begin preparing the dog residue tea, giant sausage fingers fumbling with literally everything. "So Frisk, what brings you to my humble little shop today?" 

"Well, summer is going to be over soon, so I wanted to spend as much time with my family as I could." Frisk kicked their legs back and forth, trying to ignore how infuriating it was that their feet didn't even touch the floor when they were sitting down. 

"Hmm? Then shouldn't you be at home, spending time with them?" Asgore peered over his shoulder in confusion. 

"I said I wanted to spend time with my family. That means you too." Frisk smiled at him, warm and open. Asgore's breath hitched in his throat, and he turned away to compose himself. 

"...Thank you, little one. I am truly undeserving of your kindness." Asgore turned at the feeling of a tapping on his leg, and suddenly found himself with a pair of arms wrapped around him, as far as they could reach, and a smiling face staring up at him. 

"..I know what you did, Asgore. You did bad things, but that doesn't make you a bad person. If you were really evil, you wouldn't care. But you do care. You feel remorse for your actions, and you want to make up for them. I know you think you don't deserve kindness, or a second chance... but you do. Everyone does. Please don't forget that." 

". . ." Asgore knelt down, and enveloped Frisk in his arms. He held them gently, as if he were afraid they'd shatter like glass. "...Thank you. I hope you know that... I think of you as my family, too." 

The box of tea was gone by the end of the day.


	60. Summer Ends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything falls into place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 60 chapters and 100k words. I can hardly believe I've made it this far. Thank you everyone that's stuck around this long, I really appreciate all the support this story's gotten. Also, some sort of plot things? Who'd have guessed.

Morning happens! Golly gee isn't that an original chapter opening-

Frisk's face spun through expressions like a slot machine, making them appear a horrifying blur of teeth and eyes for several moments. Eventually a bright eyed and brighter smiled expression 'DING!'d into place, and Frisk backflipped out of bed despite having been lying down. They ferociously kicked their door open (after having already turned the knob) and strutted out into the hallway. Bouncy big band boomed in the background as Frisk prowled, winking and clicking their fingers at anything that moved, as well as everything that didn't. They twirled like a top into the living room, where all of their friends were sat around the television. Seven heads turned their way, and they winked explosively. 

"HEY, FRISK!" Everyone greeted at an elevated level of volume, except for Papyrus who actually had to lower his voice to match everyone else's. Clearly unsatisfied with this, the skeleton leapt to his feet and danced the cha-cha over to Frisk, lifting them in the air and spinning them about at ludicrous speeds. 

"GOOD MORNING, TINY HUMAN! MAY I HAVE THIS DANCE?!" Papyrus held out a hand, suddenly wearing a pinstriped suit and a wide brimmed fedora. Frisk slapped his open palm and laced their fingers together, and then the two engaged in a dance with more energy than most living creatures could ever hope to exude in their entire lifetimes. There was dipping and ducking and diving and twirling, with two or possibly three pairs of feet dancing up a storm. When they finally finished with a flashy finale, everyone applauded. "THANK YOU, THANK YOU. I TEACH DANCE CLASSES ON THE WEEKENDS DOWN AT BARNABY STREET, IF ANYONE IS INTERESTED." Papyrus flung his hat across the room, and a shower of business cards rained from it. Undyne leapt up and caught a mouthful, chewing with her giant horrible murder fish teeth. 

Frisk tipped the hat they weren't wearing at Papyrus, doing a triple axel through the air to land in Toriel's lap. "Hello there, my child. Here, I have a cinnamon-butterscotch smoothie for you, because I know how much you abhor mastication." Toriel pulled a jumbo sized smoothie out from under the hat she may or may not have been wearing, and passed it into an awestruck Frisk's hands. They flashed her a thumbs up before drinking the entire thing in one sip, cheeks hollowing so hard that they turned inside out. But they were okay so it's k. They squeezed the former queen in a warm, fuzzy hug before skipping away to climb atop Asgore's head. 

"Howdy, Frisk! My, don't you seem energetic this morning. Don't forget to take it easy every once in a while." Asgore carefully fastened his massive velvet cape around Frisk's shoulders, and placed a little human sized crown atop their head. "I could think of nobody else more qualified or deserving of the title of 'Lord of Smoothies'. Do us proud, young Frisk." Frisk raised their empty smoothie cup high, and all the citizens of the land bowed before them. 

And then they leapt off of Asgore's head, freefalling forty thousand feet to land in Undyne's arms, who proceeded to noogie them just hard enough for her knuckles to scrape their brain. "Sup, dork? I hope your day's been as good as mine! IF NOT, I'LL SUPLEX IT." Undyne flexed an arm so hard that explosions... exploded in the background. "Also, I'm going to be competing in an amateur wrestling league this evening. You'll be there to watch me pound some chumps, right?" Frisk gave two thumbs up, and Undyne grinned widely at them. "That's what I'm talkin' about!" 

She flung them up into the air, and they did a flip before landing amongst the pile of cushions that Alphys had claimed for herself. "O-oh, hey Frisk. Y-you still up for w-watching anime after Undyne's wrestling tournament? Season f-four of Princess Pulverizer just got localized, a-and I got a review copy!" Alphys and Frisk both squee'd at excessively high volumes, leaping around in circles and laughing gaily. And then Alphys attempted to toss Frisk away, but her tiny dino arms just weren't strong enough. Frisk pretended to be thrown anyway, to make her feel better. 

Mettaton caught them with a flourish, twirling on one foot before carefully depositing the human on the floor. "Greetings, darling! I know I've been busy lately, but now that I've finished filming for the first season of my new show, we can spend lots of time together!" The robot jazzed his hands outwards, sparkles and confetti exploding from his palms. "Speaking of my new show, it's on right now! I called it 'Frisky Business' in honor of you, my little darling. It basically involves me walking down crowded streets and winking at people. We've already been contracted for twelve seasons!" Mettaton squealed in excitement, tossing Frisk up in the air so hard that they went through the ceiling, rocketed through the stratosphere, flew out into space, sporched through the end of the universe, came screaming back through space, fell onto the other side of the Earth, drilled through the crust, mantle, and core, and popped up out of the ground back into Mettaton's hands. They both stared at one another, and Mettaton carefully passed Frisk over to Sans. 

"hey, kiddo. you look like you're having a nice morning." Sans' grin said nothing, stretching plainly across his face. 

Frisk didn't seem to notice a thing, instead grinning cheerfully at the skeleton. "I sure am! It's great that everyone could come over to hang out." 

"sure is. surprising, too, considering how busy everyone's been lately." Sans paused, waiting to see the reaction his words garnered. 

Nothing. Zilch. Nada. Frisk just continued smiling at him, in a way that would normally make his bones melt. Now he just felt a peculiar crawling sensation on his spine. He resisted the urge the scratch it. "I know, right? But we're all together now, and that's what matters." 

"yeah, bein' with the people you love is real important. say, how about you and me move this little pow-wow to the kitchen?" Without waiting for an answer, Sans dragged the human along with him, keeping a socket on the rest of the group. They just stared at the television, seemingly unaware of his departure with Frisk. Concerning, but it made things easier. Frisk stumbled along in an almost blissful stupor behind him, but he could see the beginnings of confusion flickering at their face. He gently settled them down in a chair, taking the seat across from them. "frisk, i need you to focus for a little bit. can you do that for me, pal?" They stared at him, uncomprehending, for several long moments. "c'mon, this is important. just listen to me, okay?"

The human blinked slowly, nodding their head. "Yeah, okay. What's up?"

Sans breathed a sigh of relief. They were still with him. "i think something is wrong. everything felt... weird, when i woke up this morning. woke up. on my own. without anyone yellin', or any explosions goin' off. and then i go into the living room, and everyone is just sitting there. and i think, okay, that's a little strange, but maybe everyone just took some time off and i didn't hear about it? but nobody said anything when i talked to them. they didn't say a word until you came in. i don't know what's happening, but something is really wrong. you understand, right?" Sans spoke slowly but frantically, as if he were attempting to force his words through a river of molasses. He stared at Frisk with an uncharacteristic intensity, grin looking more like a grimace. 

"...Sans. I understand. But.. I don't think you do. Everything is scary right now, but.. happiness always is, when you can't even remember the last time you felt it." They reached across the table to pat the skeleton's bony hand, smiling empathetically. 

"what? no, that's not what i mean. nobody's acting the way they should. not even you. there's something going on, and it isn't right." 

Frisk's smile fell away. "..You should really stop while you're ahead, Sans. We both worked hard for this. You might not remember, but you worked harder than anyone else. But after so long, we finally have it. Our Happy Ending. Everyone's alive, nobody's upset, everything is the way it should be. You said it yourself: 'we'll always be together'." Frisk's voice dropped in a scarily accurate impression of himself. He stared at them as if seeing them for the first time. 

"...you are frisk, right? this.. this isn't another dream, is it? nothing feels real..." Sans clutched at his skull with both hands, breathing harshly as he tried to rationalize things. He started at the feeling of a third hand on his skull, so warm and alive that it almost burned. He turned slowly, afraid to see what was waiting for him... 

Dark brown eyes stared back at him, set into a familiar face, lined with concern. "...Sans, it's okay. You don't have to worry anymore. Everyone's happy, now, okay? That means you can just... let go. I know it's hard to realize, but... we don't have to save anyone anymore." Frisk wormed into his lap, wrapping warm arms around him. He hesitated before leaning against a soft shoulder, feeling the individual cotton fibers of Frisk's shirt against his forehead. 

"i'm tired, frisk," he admitted softly, weariness weighing heavy in his voice. 

"I know. Let's go relax, okay? Spend some time with everyone. Bonding time is important, you know?" Frisk smiled over his shoulder, eyes shut tight. 

"These days won't last forever, after all."


	61. Reality

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything is falling apart.

The world spun, the sun rose and set, days passed in a blur. But no matter how much time passed, Sans felt as if life were frozen in place. It was the same thing every day. Wake up, eat breakfast, go out and engage in silly activities that lead to the destruction of public and private property. They'd go out for tea when Asgore suggested it, they'd make guest appearances on one of Mettaton's endless shows, they'd go snowboarding, or lion taming, or sky diving. They'd travel around the world, see natural wonders and marvels of human engineering. They'd settle at the edge of a lake and share sandwiches, or make ridiculous dishes in the kitchen. They'd sit together watching movies, or argue about which anime was better. Things just... happened. And no matter what they did, it always felt the same. 

At first, it was easy. Sans coasted through life as he always had, making jokes and enjoying the time he spent with his friends and family. At first, it almost felt like paradise. He could go places he'd only dreamed of, eat exotic foods and play obscure sports, learn about the world that monsters had been parted from for so long. It was incredible, like something from a dream. And, just like a dream, nothing felt real. He woke up every day, and did something fun with his friends. There was nothing else to it. No hardships, no strife. They never had to worry about money, despite their jobs having just been... abandoned. Mettaton's shows somehow kept coming out, even with the robot spending every waking moment with them. Alphys produced a new wacky gadget every week, even though she was never inventing anything. They paid for extravagant vacations, even though nobody was employed. Nobody ever got hurt, despite the dangerous and illogical things they did. Just last week (month? how long had this been going on?) they had a dogfight in police helicopters. Undyne wasn't even part of the force anymore. 

Sans woke one morning, and decided that he was done. He waited in bed, hearing the boisterous, ever cheerful voices of his friends down the hall. He sat on a bare mattress, and waited. And waited. And waited. 

"Saaaans!" Came that voice, the crackly thing that he'd held so much affection for. No matter how often the kid ran their mouth, it always sounded like they were speaking for the first time. Like he was talking to the Seventh Human, back in a frozen forest of dead bark and hard packed snow. But now, all it did was cause twisted fingers to crawl up his vertebrae. His jailer soon entered the room, all smiles, like they always were. "Sans, is something wrong? You're usually up by now." 

"...yeah, something is wrong." Sans hopped off the edge of his mattress, hands stuffed in his jacket pockets. He grinned. "let's have a little chat, you and i." His eye burst into magnificent color, his hand flashing outwards. The door buckled and creaked, firmly wedging itself into the doorframe.

Frisk squeaked and jumped away from the blocked exit, staring at the skeleton with wide eyes. "Sans, you're scaring me. Just... calm down, and we can talk things out, okay?" 

"oh, we'll talk alright. we'll talk about how this charade is finished. i want everything back. i want my friends, my brother, my life- i want you back, frisk. i'm finished. done. this operation is kaput." 

"I-I don't understand. We're all here, Sans. Nobody's left you. I haven't left you. Just.. tell me what's wrong, okay?" Frisk approached fearlessly, arms spread wide and a tender smile on their face. His whole body trembled with the urge to be engulfed in those arms, and let his mind go blissfully blank. 

"those are not my friends. that is not my brother. this isn't my life, and you... you aren't YOU. this happy ending... it's not real. it has to end, frisk." 

"This is as real as it gets, Sans." Frisk dropped their arms, and their voice fell as well. Bitterness dripped from every word. "This is the best I could manage, and you STILL want more? Those people out there-" 

"those are not people! you... whatever you did, that's not them. they're fucking caricatures-"

Frisk laughed, high and loud. "That's what they've always been, Sans! You just don't remember! Every time I've come through the Underground, they always said and did the same things. Like actors in a play... or machines. The same inflections, the same intents, the same desires; nothing ever changed! Not until this time... not until everything was different." 

Sans stepped back in shock, eye sparking and magic flickering. "you... you're responsible for the time anomalies. whatever it is you're doing, that's part of it, right? you.. created some kind of loop, the timeline is stuck in place because of you." 

"What other choice did I have?!" Frisk was yelling now, voice cracking and tears welling in those eyes, the ones that had looked at him so kindly- "Do you know what would happen if I didn't? Everyone would drift apart. They'd become successful, go their own ways in life. Alphys would be contracted by the government, Undyne would become a sheriff, Asgore would become a botanist, Papyrus would become a world famous chef, Mettaton would be the biggest star in the world, Toriel would open a university... and you. You'd leave me too, Sans. I saw it all. The days got emptier and emptier. I didn't have a family to come home to, anymore. I had an empty apartment with a fucking cactus! I couldn't let it happen, Sans. You understand, don't you?! You, all of you... you're all I have!" 

"frisk.." Sans stopped himself from reaching out, from trying to wipe away the tears that fell so freely. "this isn't a solution. these... these cardboard cutouts- they aren't your real friends and family-" 

"THEY'RE THE BEST I HAVE!" Frisk screamed, a manic look in their eyes. "I... I can't let them go! It has to be this way, Sans!" 

"...no. i won't let you dictate the lives of our friends. i won't let you dictate my life. frisk... if you keep doing what you're doing..." Sans thrust a hand outwards, and there was suddenly a blue soul in his grasp. He squeezed and Frisk choked on a breath, knees buckling under the increased gravity. ".. Y o u ' r e g o n n a h a v e a b a d t i m e." 

Frisk reverted to their last save.


	62. Determination

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Being determined isn't always a good thing. Sometimes, it's better to let go.

Sans woke up. Memories swam inside the abyss of his skull, painting vibrant nonsense that he struggled to string together into coherency. Something was wrong. Something more than the situation he found himself in. He struggled to remember, clawing through the jumbled mess of his brain space in search of answers. Then, in a flash of colors and noise and agonizing, time wrenching impossibility, he remembered exactly what had never happened. Sans left his door hanging off the hinges on his way out. 

Frisk stopped in mid conversation with Papyrus, feeling something dark and prickling crawl up their back. They fumbled for their SAVE file, but froze as their SOUL was dragged into a FIGHT. "Sans, what are you doing?!" The skeleton loomed before them, magical energy exploding from his eye like a raging bonfire. "Sans, p-please, I don't understand-" 

"i remember, frisk. is that what you've always done? skipping through the timeline to avoid the consequences of your actions?" Sans leaned forward just a touch, grin stretching coldly. "always determined to get your way, huh?" 

"Sans, I don't want to fight you. Just let me go and we can talk about this-" Frisk cried out as they were flung through the air, impacting against the far wall with a blood curdling 'CRUNCH'. Plaster rained around them, creating neat little piles of dust on the ground. Frisk was then forced to the floor, struggling to even pull themself up on their hands and knees. 

"the time for talk is over. you're either gonna undo whatever you've done to trap us here, or i'm going to have to convince you," Sans bluffed. Even with everything the kid had done, he wasn't sure if he could muster up enough intention to hurt them. Even now, he didn't want to kill them, even though it was likely that they'd just revert, and they'd do this all over again. 

"...Okay, Sans. You want this all to be over? You want everything to end?" Frisk dove into the files, and deleted the code trapping them in the loop. In the blink of an eye, the world began to end. The voices of their friends chattered endlessly, words skipping and splicing together as they stared, dead eyed. The room turned fuzzy and blocky, pixelating into a mess of fractured colors and shapes. Like a kaleidoscope the world around them broke into patterns of fractals, darkness seeping in between the cracks. A high pitched whining rent the air as their false reality was shattered. Sans saw only blackness. And then, before him, loomed the secret of Frisk's power. Massive floating letterboxes, containing the words 'LOAD' and 'RESET'. 

Frisk turned towards him, spreading their arms wide. "There we go. It's all over now. Let's take a look around, huh? An opportunity like this doesn't come around often." The LOAD button lit up-

-Sans sat behind his sentry station, half dozing as he spun an empty bottle of relish. The roof of his station kept the snow from collecting on his head, but even the obnoxious sensation of cold moisture rolling down his skull had to be better than this monotony. But hey, who was he to complain? As much as he'd rather be asleep, he had a promise to keep. He stared blankly at the snow fluttering past the lip of his station's roof, and then the silence of the dead forest was broken by the echoing grind of stone against stone. The door. Welp, looks like it was time for this bag of bones to make good on his word. He tested the whoopie cushion strapped to his hand, getting a tiny spurt of flatulence from the end. He chuckled, lazy grin stretching a touch wider-

-and walked out from behind a tree. He could see the side profile of a figure (human, if the lady behind the door wasn't pulling his tibia) that hopped over a large branch with their face scrunched in determination. Cute. An idea struck him, and his grin turned mischievous. Door lady never said he couldn't have a little bit of fun, right? His eye lit up with a familiar, comforting warmth, and he slowly raised a hand. With a twitch of his fingers, the hefty branch snapped into a dozen pieces, the 'CRRRACK' echoing nicely. He saw the human's head turn, twisting wildly back and forth as they tried to figure out what had happened. Their eyes widened when they saw the snapped branch, and they hurried forward. Sans resisted the urge to laugh, instead shortcutting between a pair of trees that were just in the corner of the human's field of vision. They almost started running, stumbling slightly as they jogged through the snowy path. Just as their foot brushed the wood of the bridge, he appeared behind them. Sans dragged his slippered feet through the snow, creating an ominous crunching sound. The human froze (heh) in place, trembling either from fear or the cold, possibly both. 

"H u m a n. D o n ' t y o u k n o w h o w t o g r e e t a n e w p a l? T u r n a r o u n d , a n d s h a k e m y h a n d ." He'd been practicing his spooky voice for weeks, and according to Papyrus it was pretty good. If his brother's terrified shrieks were anything to go by, at least. Sans had to read TWO bedtime stories to make up for it. He waited almost eagerly for the human to turn around, hair (his brother would be so jealous) swaying as they faced him-

-And Frisk smiled, grabbing his whoopie cushioned hand and squeezing hard. The intended noise came out sharp and abrupt instead of long and hilarious. Sans stared back at them, sweat beading down his skull even in the cold. "what are we doing here, kid? what's going on?" Frisk couldn't have created the loop all the way back when they first met, right? There's no way they had all just been stuck in the Underground this whole time... right?

"Familiar, isn't it? This tired scenario. A human, cold and afraid, pursued by a monster through a dark forest. But wait! The monster isn't a threat at all; he's actually one of the best friends the human will ever have. Gee, what a twist," Frisk mocked. "This is what you have to look forward to in a proper timeline, Sans. The same jokes, the same meetings, the same. Tired. Scenarios. Let me tell you, the whoopie cushion in the hand trick? A lot less funny the second time." 

"we've done this before, then. this is how we usually meet?" Sans tried to keep the memory of this meeting from melding with the one he'd truly experienced. "welp. at least i'm hilarious across all of time and space." 

"Not everything is always funny, Sans. Sometimes, even you have a bad time." The world melted away like runny slush, trees blending into smudges of black and snow becoming hard and pixelated under his feet. Darkness swelled oppressively before expanding into infinity. The buttons were back. LOAD lit up once more-

-The false sunlight shining through the king's castle had always been soothing. It wasn't strong enough to warm his bones, but it was enough to give the illusion of freedom, the first time you saw it. And it was never stronger than in the Hall of Judgement. He was bathed in golden light, and the stark yellow and orange tiles underfoot were so warm that they appeared too hot to touch. All an illusion, of course. But they were real. The realest nightmare ever conjured. A real knife flashed through the air, narrowly avoiding ripping into the fabric of his jacket as he appeared somewhere to the left. It had become reflex at this point, instead of something he actively thought about. He tried not to think too hard about his attacks, either; wouldn't want to form a memorizable pattern, now would he? Legions of bones whirled through the air, blue and white burning gold in false sunlight. Bones ripped themselves from the floor, real bones, ones from creatures that had been buried beneath the mountain long before it had become the prison of monsters. Now it would become the mass grave of monsters. 

Every report he'd received had confirmed it. This was it. The big one. The end of all timelines. The Seventh Fallen Human was the catalyst.. But he couldn't really call them a human anymore, could he? They were something else, turned into a beast by the LV and EXP they'd pumped themself with. Or perhaps it had only enhanced the utter depravity inside of them. His fingers rose and fell like a conductor's baton, directing gauntlets of bone and squadrons of gaster blasters. Occasionally, the human would be struck, health draining rapidly. Bones would leave welts and open wounds, gaster blasters would leave blistering, blackened flesh. Sometimes he could see their bones, when they were broken enough. Smashed into oblivion by his blue attacks, until they didn't have enough life in them to even quiver. They spilled their peculiar dust upon the floor, leaving behind red streaks and smears and viscous pools. It had touched his face, a few times. It was warm- 

The human appeared. They dodged acrobatically through his opening attack, nothing even coming close to touching them. The sickening grin on their face said it all. Sans sweated, just a little. He was becoming predictable. "...huh." He hoped they could feel, still. Enough to know fear and agony. Because boy, did he wish that upon them. Bones rose and fell in roiling waves as he willed them forward, beams of pure energy lancing between them in an attempt to catch the human off guard. Nothing worked. The dread crawling on his back wiggled and writhed as he struggled to keep distance between them. Eventually, it was his turn again, and he had a terrible idea. 

"boy, you sure like swingin' that thing around, huh?" Sans panted lightly, ribcage heaving up and down. He took a moment to catch his breath, and smiled at them."listen. i know you didn't answer me before, but... somewhere in there. i can feel it. there's a glimmer of a good person inside of you. the memory of someone who once wanted to do the right thing. someone who, in another time, might have even been... a friend? c'mon, buddy. do you remember me? please, if you're listening... let's forget all of this, ok? just lay down your weapon, and... well, my job will be a lot easier." Sans watched, and waited. The human's face quivered, frustrated grimace twitching at the corners. The real knife trembled in their grasp. The clatter of steel on stone echoed for what seemed like forever. Tears trickled down that innocent looking face, and they produced the first sound he'd ever heard from them; a long, miserable wail.

"...you're sparing me? finally. buddy. pal. i know how hard it must be... to make that choice. to go back on everything you've worked up to. i want you to know... i won't let it go to waste. ...c'mere, pal." Sans spread his arms wide, something like relief flowing through him in waves. He grunted as he found himself with an armful of sobbing human, half formed apologies bubbling against his clavicle. He smiled, and held them close. The last hug he'd ever get. With a twitch of his finger, a half dozen stalks of bone were suddenly sprouting from the human's chest. He could feel the splatter of red against his ribcage. Wide eyes stared up at him, uncomprehending. He grinned at them, he grinned so fucking hard- "geeettttt dunked on! if you're really a friend, you won't come back." He grinned and grinned and fucking grinned-

The way the human was looking at him... they almost seemed betrayed. How ironic. "let's just get to the point, shall we?" He could feel an exhaustion that transcended the limitations of time and space settle into his bones. His attacks came quickly and brutally; mercy was off the table. Not like he'd get any in return, right? That damn knife flashed like steel lightning, and he dodged every single slice. He said lines that he felt had been spoken a hundred times before, and the expression on the human's face never changed; pure, malicious rage. Even when bones would batter and lasers would fry, their expression stayed the same. He watched them scarf down massive sandwiches and sweet smelling pie and... a Mettaton shaped steak(?), the monster food keeping them topped up as they steamrolled through his attacks. Then, Sans had a wonderful idea. His deep, technical understanding of the rules of FIGHTs came in handy once more. He'd fire a pattern of attacks-

-and abruptly switch to another. Bones would vanish to be replaced by lasers, and lasers would give way to brutal blue attacks before whirling bones would come again. And still, the human carried on. He spouted off the first things that popped into his head, trying to distract them or cause them hesitation between attacks. And then, after an attack that took every bit of his power and concentration to pull off, he was done. Sweat dripped from him in rivulets, and he heaved for breath. His sockets struggled to stay focused. "welp. i guess it's time for that special attack i was telling you abou-" The knife struck, sheer DETERMINATION overpowering the restrictions and limitations of the FIGHT. The killing intent behind it was immense- he was surprised he didn't just cease to exist the moment it touched him. "...well. guess that's that, then. don't... don't say i didn't warn you." He wheezed out a chuckle, and dragged himself down the hall. He could feel his very bones disintegrating. "i'm goin' to grillby's. papyrus... you want anything?" For a moment, he could almost kid himself that he saw a lanky, smiling skeleton, waiting for him with open arms. And then-

-Frisk dusted him off, supporting his weary body against their shoulder. "Not so funny, huh? A world where everyone you know and love is dead. Pretty depressing, really." 

Sans stared at them, chest heaving, and felt for the knife wound that had certainly ended him. He felt the undamaged fabric of his jacket. "you... that was.." 

"Not me. Not really. It might have been at first, but... there was something else, too. A driving, burning force. Something else that was Determined to see the end of everything. ...I never let it get that far. I didn't REALLY want to kill everyone, you know? I just wanted to see something different. And boy, you sure didn't disappoint. You're so strong, Sans. Stronger than anyone. You killed me hundreds of times. That time you saw, there? That was the first run. The first time I'd ever done this. It was also the last. It was so easy, killing everyone. Even Undyne was nothing more than a brief distraction. Undyne the Undying? More like Undyne the Underwhelming." Frisk giggled at their own joke. "But you? You're something special, Sans. A real wonder. You should be proud. If I didn't have the Determination I did... if that thing didn't have the DETERMINATION it did... you would have saved the world, single handedly," Frisk gushed, like they were talking about their favorite musician, or movie star. 

"...this is all a game to you, isn't it?" Sans moved away, steps slow and dragging. 

"That's all it ever was, Sans!" Frisk was screaming now, that same manic look returning. "I TRIED to save you all! So many times, I did everything the way it was supposed to be done! I made friends, I SPAREd lives, I fought Flowey," Sans saw flashes of a hideous thing, a thing of vines and tubes and teeth and cackling, "and Asriel," Someone (toriel? no) with all the power in the world, a world on the verge of crumbling into nothing, "...but it was never enough. We'd make it through the Barrier, and see the sun. And then it'd all end. Every single time. I didn't have a choice! I would HAVE to go back, and do it all over again! I did everything I could think of, Sans. I tried my hardest, but it wasn't enough. ...And then I had an idea. Maybe... maybe I really wasn't strong enough. SAVEing and LOADing and RESETing... it wasn't enough power. I needed more Determination. And I got it, Sans." Frisk grinned at him, bright and exuberant and so proud. "I stole it, from Alphys' lab, and I injected as much of it into me as I could find. And it was amazing, Sans." Frisk was ignorant to Sans' look of confusion and horror. "I felt like I could do anything. And in a way, I guess I could. With that much Determination.. I could LOAD any SAVE file I wanted. Even ones that had been RESET. I could experience every moment, every FIGHT, every friendship, at any time I felt like it."

"...but that wasn't enough for you, was it?" Sans really wasn't sure what to think anymore. What this kid had done... they were a murderer. But they had also saved everyone countless times, and had only killed out of not knowing what else to do. No, that wasn't an excuse. There was no reason behind the killings; it was senseless slaughter. But... would he have done any different, if he was trapped the same way that they were? 

"For a time, it was. I could act any way I wanted in any circumstance, and see the reactions I got. If I didn't like them, I just moved on to a different SAVE. I craved adventure, excitement, the unknown... but eventually, I knew everything that happened. You know, I really was a kid when I fell down here. I was big hearted, and impatient, and stubborn, and loving. I like to think I still am. But ten years is a long time to do the same things over and over, Sans. You'd know that better than anyone else." Frisk approached, eyes brimming with tears. "You're the only one that could ever understand me. Understand the burden of time, the impermanence of your actions. It breaks you down, until you don't even know who you are anymore, until you don't know why you're doing the things you do. ...Until you don't want to be you, anymore. Until you don't want to do anything. Until you don't want to exist. After ten years, trapped in the same circumstances.. I did a TRUE RESET. I wanted to forget everything. Maybe, with my newfound Determination, it'd send me so far back that I wouldn't even be in the Underground anymore. But as we both know, it didn't work out that way. I woke up on that same bed of flowers, and I knew everything... but then, I didn't. Because everything was different. You were different, Papyrus was different, Undyne was different; somehow, I had created an entirely new timeline, one where things were new, and exciting. And..."

"...and you never wanted it to end. you finally found something new, and it interested you so much that you had to keep it forever. frisk..." 

"I had finally found real people, Sans. Not just pretend people that said the same things over and over again. I was living a real life, with people who actually cared about me. Not just because I was trying to save them, either. You liked me for who I was, Sans. ...I'd never known that before." Frisk turned away from him, hair hanging in their face. Droplets of tears shimmered in the golden glow pouring in through the windows. They suddenly looked taller than he remembered. More... adult. And even with more of them, they seemed even less than before. 

"kid.. frisk, what you've been through, what you've done... i'd never have been able to imagine it, if you weren't tellin' me all about it. it's still difficult to wrap my skull around. but.. i don't know if i can forgive you." Sans suddenly found himself with an armful of sobbing human. Boy, talk about deja vu. 

"I know! I know, and I don't deserve it, but I want it so bad! And... and I can't even make you forget, because if I did a TRUE RESET... this timeline might disappear. I'd be trapped again, in that endless hell. I can't undo things anymore, Sans. This is all I have left. I... I don't want to lose you." Frisk had to stoop over to be at the same height as the skeleton, legs wobbling underneath them as they sobbed into the fabric of his jacket. 

"...you really are still just a scared kid, huh?" Sans sighed deeply, trying to ignore how safe the human's warmth made him feel. "frisk... the you that i knew, the one that i cared about... was that really you?" 

"Y-yes, yes, I wouldn't lie to you, Sans," they stuttered desperately. Frisk clutched at his jacket as if he'd vanish into nothing if they let go. 

"that's good. because the frisk i know would support their friends, no matter what. even if that meant not seeing them as often. even if that meant letting them live their own lives." 

"I-I'm so scared, Sans. I don't want to be alone again." Frisk sniffled loudly, almost melting into the bony hand that pressed soothingly against their back. 

"you won't be, pal. i promise. like i said... we're never gonna leave you." Sans smiled at them, and it was the most genuine one he could ever remember. 

"..O-okay. Okay. You... you're right. I believe you. Okay." Frisk seemed to be trying to convince themself more than anything, physically trembling with the weight of their words. 

Sans gently pulled away, sticking out a bony hand. "let's go home, kiddo." Warm flesh met cold bone, and the world melted away around them. 

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"-TELLING YOU, UNDYNE WILL MOST DEFINITELY BE FIGHTING SPACE ALIENS AS THE SHERIFF! SPACE ALIEN COWBOYS, AT THAT!" Papyrus struggled to pull out his Pasta Palzooa platter, prepared to heat it up for dinner. How he planned to fit it into the microwave was a mystery. 

"Dear, I am entirely positive that there are no space alien cowboys." Toriel stepped over to help him lift it up, and it almost cracked the kitchen table in half when they set it down. 

"PREPOSTEROUS! HUMAN, BACK ME UP ON THIS ONE!" 

Frisk and Sans made eye contact around the giant pile of pasta. "..There could be space alien cowboys trapped under a mountain, and we just haven't found them yet." 

Papyrus crowed in victory as Toriel rolled her eyes good naturedly. "SEE? I TOLD YOU!" 

Sans leaned forward on his elbow, grinning wide. "say, papyrus. what's a space alien's favorite dish?" 

Papyrus considered the question carefully, scratching at his jaw. "HM... IS IT SPAGHETTI? I HOPE SO!" 

"i don't know, but they eat it on a saucer." Laughter erupted from his two fellow punsters, and he leaned back in his chair, satisfied. 

"NYEEEEEEEEEH! TALK LIKE THAT WILL GET YOU ABDUCTED, BROTHER! AND I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW THAT SPACE ALIENS HATE PUNS JUST AS MUCH AS I DO!" Papyrus began attempting to shovel mounds of spaghetti into the microwave. 

"Hey, Papyrus?" He 'NYEH?'d in question, head pivoting around to stare at Frisk. "You know, maybe we shouldn't eat that pasta. We should... see if Mettaton has any connections with one of those fancy food magazines. I bet they'd be pretty impressed with your culinary skills." 

Papyrus gasped, head spinning in excitement. "OH MY GOD, THAT'S A WONDERFUL IDEA! THERE'S NO WAY THOSE FOOD CRITICS COULD RESIST MY TOWERING... TOWER, OF PASTA PALOOZA PERFECTION!" 

"Oh, I'm sure they'll 'a'dore it," Toriel chimed in, smiling broadly. Then she had to run after Papyrus to stop him carrying the pasta all the way to Mettaton's apartment. 

Sans and Frisk sat alone in the kitchen. Alone with each other. Sans suddenly found himself with a lapful of tall, gangly, grinning human. When Papyrus was finally dragged home by a patient Toriel, they all spent the rest of the evening eating take out, and watching poorly dubbed anime. Frisk spent half the time trying to explain what was going on to Papyrus and Toriel, and the other half making fun of the poor localization with Sans. When night fell, they slept in separate bedrooms, but spent at least an hour texting terrible jokes to one another. 

When the morning came, Frisk woke early, wallet in hand as they fished out bus fare. They chatted for a short while with Toriel and Papyrus as they grabbed a piece of toast for anime college, and then they were stopped at the door by a particular punny skeleton. 

"so, excited for classes? don't answer that, i already know what you're gonna say." Sans grinned up at the human (dammit, he was the short one of the family again) and carefully studied their expression. 

"I'm sure it won't be that bad. Not as long as I have someone to come home to." Frisk smiled at him in that way of theirs, the way that made his nonexistent insides pulse with warmth. "Say, wanna meet up for lunch? I hear a new cafe opened up downtown. It's called 'Tuffet's Teapot'. The prices are supposed to be a little stout, but I'd still like to tea what all the fuss is about." They winked at him, but he could still see the way their smile wobbled at the ends. 

"sure, i got muffin else to do. i'll be off at two, so be bread-y to go." Sans was engulfed in a pair of arms so much longer than he remembered, but the warmth they exuded was the same. "don't start cryin' on me, kid. if you do, i'll have to use my secret power." He heard a croaky little laugh, and pulled back to see Frisk wiping at their face. "well, i told ya. better get ready." Sans leaned up on his toes (he'd really have to get used to this) and pressed his teeth against an unprepared cheek. 

Frisk goggled at him for a moment, before they smiled at him so brightly that he swore he was gonna go blind. "Love you, Sans." They pressed a wet, smacking kiss against the top of his skull before dancing around him and out the door, giggling all the way. He turned to watch them leave, knowing it was a sight he'd see for a long time coming. And he was happy with that. 

"love ya too, frisk."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone that's stuck around this long. And don't worry, it isn't quite over yet. I'll most likely post some one shot type chapters that are in the same vein as the humorous, fluffy chapters. But updates may or may not be irregular from this point on.


	63. Talks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I lied, it's more emotional stuff. Well, kinda. There's some humor too, if you squint.

"well... that's more literal than i expected." Sans shoved one hand in his jacket pocket, the other held captive by two slightly sweaty human hands. The pair stood just a few feet outside of 'Tuffet's Teapot', the newly opened spider cafe that was actually shaped like a giant teapot. "stout might be applicable, but short certainly isn't." 

"I think they serve shortcakes and shortbread cookies, if that counts?" Frisk clutched onto the skeleton's bony hand like it was a life line, though their tone of voice was perfectly casual. Poor kid had been like that the whole way here. Not like he didn't understand, or anything; this was all still new. He couldn't expect them to be fine after what had happened. Not right away, at least.

"yeah, that works for me." He grinned back at them, and it didn't come as easy as it used to. He waited for a beat, and when they didn't seem like they were going to move he took the initiative. The bell above the door chimed a welcoming note as they stepped inside the busy cafe, taking care not to squash the legions of spiders that roamed underfoot. They were lead to a cushy leather booth near the back, and handed a pair of menus by a giant amorphous mass of arachnids. Frisk looked equal parts charmed and disturbed by the experience. "see anything you like?" Sans barely looked at the menu, more focused on staring steadily at Frisk's concentrated face. 

"Hmm.. the spider shortcake looks pretty good. We could split that." Frisk paused, and then squinted at the menu. "...Is this made with actual spiders?" 

"nah, that went out of practice a long time ago. it's all imitation spiders now." Sans chuckled lightly at the green tint Frisk's face adopted. "c'mon, don't act like you haven't eaten worse. my brother's subjected you to his spaghetti for almost two years." 

"Ugh, try twelve years. Worst part is, he never had time to improve." Frisk bit their lip immediately after speaking, a sure sign that they regretted what had come out of their mouth. But Sans wasn't offended, or outraged, or whatever else Frisk might think. Talking about what had happened openly was a good thing, right? 

"at least he's gotten better lately. besides the whole 'sending you to the hospital' thing, his stuff from Pasta Palooza was pretty alright." 

Frisk nodded, looking relieved that Sans hadn't mentioned anything about their time manipulation. "It tasted pretty good before I went into shock. Wait... he put garlic in it, didn't he? That'd explain it." 

"what would garlic have to do with anything?" Sans tilted his head. 

Frisk tilted their head right back at him. "Because I'm allergic to garlic? C'mon, I know monsters have to have allergies. Your brother's allergic to puns, after all." 

"yeah, but monster allergies are different from human ones... apparently. i guess it's 'cause of our physical makeup. monsters are allergic to concepts. like my brother being allergic to puns, or me being allergic to socialism, or alphys being allergic to not knowing people's names when she meets them. but apparently, because humans are completely made of physical matter, you're allergic to foods?"

"Well, there's all kinds of different things humans can be allergic to; it doesn't have to just be food, although food allergies are some of the more common ones. Some people are allergic to grass, or pollen, or bee stings; there's even people allergic to sunlight." 

Sans was more confused than ever. "how exactly does that work? with monsters, allergies are things that offend our ingrained sensibilities so much that it causes a severe physical reaction. i can't imagine you're so offended by the concept of garlic that it makes you sick." 

Frisk shrugged one shoulder, looking slightly frustrated. "How should I know? I was in like, the third grade when I fell in the Underground. They weren't teaching us that stuff then." 

Before anything further could be said, they were interrupted by a delicate cough. At the end of their table stood a spider girl in a waitress uniform, with six massive, burly arms and a scar across two of her left eyes. "Hello, and welcome to Tuffet's Teapot. My name is Tuffet, and I'll be your server on this lovely afternoon. How may I serve you fine folks today?" She spoke in a rumbling baritone that made Undyne's scratchy voice seem painfully feminine. Tuffet's nametag was decorated with little skulls and crossbones, and she had an anchor tattoo on four of her six biceps. 

Frisk froze in place despite not having been moving, looking like they were moments away from leaping out of the window. Sans decided that, as funny as the deer-in-headlights look was, he couldn't leave Frisk floundering. "yeah, we'll take two spidermint teas, and a spider shortcake, hold the spiders. ah, i'm just arachni-kidding." Sans winked, and Tuffet looked extremely amused. 

"Huehuehuehuehuehue~! Coming right up, mister funnybones!" She gathered up their menus and rolled away despite not wearing skates. 

Frisk breathed a sigh of relief, looking slightly rattled. Ha, rattled. He'd have to remember that one. "you had that same look on your face when you first saw undyne." 

"I did..? Wait, how would you- you weren't even there!" Frisk accused, looking perplexed and accusatory. At the same time! Sans simply winked at them, grinning mysteriously. 

Vegetoid was unable to be infuriated at the copyright infringement, due to having passed on late last December, just after realizing his dream of basking in the rays of the sun. Unfortunately, he only realized that was his dream, and didn't get to fulfill it. Rip in peace you will be missed. 

"but seriously kid, you looked rattled to the bone. any particular reason for that?"

Frisk rubbed their upper arm, not looking directly at the skeleton. "...No." 

"oh, alright. then let's talk about why you climbed mt. ebbot in the first place-"

"Fine, fine!" Frisk released a harsh breath, gaze remaining averted. "Well, I... dammit, this answers both questions!" Frisk glared across the table, and Sans merely shrugged innocently. "...As I'm sure you've already guessed, I didn't come to Mt. Ebbot for good reasons. Everybody knows the legend. How if anyone goes up there, they never come back. I'm sure you can figure out why I went up there." Frisk peered off out the window, pretending to people watch. 

"kid... i know it's gotta be hard to talk about. if you don't want to say anything more, i won't push." Sans reached across the table and placed a bony palm atop one of Frisk's hands to garner their attention, attempting to emulate that smile of theirs. Apparently he did a pretty good job, because their tense expression softened. "if you ever do wanna open up about this stuff, i'm more than willing to listen. that's a sans the skeleton promise. those don't come cheap, you know." Frisk giggled, just a little, and turned their hand over to squeeze his fingers. 

Sans didn't tell Frisk that there was no such thing as imitation spiders until after they were finished eating.


	64. The Newest Sansation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has Sans and a poorly written ending. What more could you ask for?

The Fontana household (they'd needed a last name when registering for IDs, and after Frisk had helpfully informed the skeleton brothers that their names were human fonts, Papyrus had insisted that the word 'font' be used in their last name. This was after his suggestion of 'Pastafiorre' had been shot down. Sans had been unable to contribute, due to requiring medical attention after being informed about 'comic sans') was quiet, for once. Well, as quiet as it could be with Papyrus living there. Frisk was absent, for once, having packed up and taken off for a weekend at Alphys and Undyne's place. Toriel had been firm on packing a full set of meals for both Frisk and their hosts, insisting that no, instant ramen did not count as real food. Frisk had been sent off with a list of emergency contact numbers despite having those exact contacts already programmed into their phone, as well as a thick winter jacket and mittens despite it barely being autumn. 

And then, before Sans knew it, he was alone. Today being one of his rare days off, he'd planned to spend it with Frisk, before other plans had been made. So, he did what he'd always done, when he had nothing else to do; he went to Grillby's (Sans knew the name had changed, but it would always be Grillby's to him). Deciding to get around in style for once, Sans unleashed his Faster Blaster, and made the twelve second drive down to his favorite dive. He bounced off traffic signs and drove on the sides of buildings, and he was pretty sure he was actually upside down at one point. When his mind bending stunts were finally completed, he casually parked his motorcycle and dismounted, snapping out the collar of his leather jacket and winking over the rims of his sunglasses at stunned onlookers. A pair of high pitched shrieks rang out, and he was suddenly accosted by a cat and an alligator. 

"LIKE, OH MY GOD!" 

"THAT WAS SO COOL!!!" 

"CAN WE-"

"LIKE-" 

"TOUCH YOUR BICEPS?!?!" They squealed in unison, faces pressed so close together that they were practically one creature. 

"heh... sorry ladies, but i'm gonna give you no bones about it..." Sans flexed one bony arm, and Catty screamed. "i'm afraid you'd need a permit to handle these guns." He fired off a finger pistol, and a parked car exploded. Everyone within a five mile radius quivered in awe and immediately fainted. "wow, looks like i really knocked 'em dead." Sans chuckled to himself, and then strolled on in through the front doors of his favorite hangout spot. 

Walking into Grillby's was like coming back home for the first time again; an experience you couldn't get anywhere else. The stench of grease was joined by the sour aroma of ranch dressing, creating a heady scent that had Sans sighing in pleasure. He took in the crowd, noticing few of his fellow regulars. The only familiar faces were Fish Head Guy and Lesser Dog. Fish Head Guy appeared to be chatting up a particularly flirtatious Moldsmal, and Lesser Dog was trying to remove its head from the ceiling. Sans felt a pang of homesickness, remembering fondly the days he'd wallowed in a potent stew of self loathing and clinical depression back in the original Grillby's. ...Okay, maybe not as fondly as advertized. 

He stepped boldly up to the bar, settling into the equivalent of his usual seat, and tapped his knuckles on the bartop. Grillby appeared from thin air in a flash of hellfire, screeching in delight at the sight of Sans. "yeah, me too, buddy. gotta make a habit of comin' here more often. so, anything new on the menu?" Grillby roared like a bonfire. "huh, that don't sound half bad. i'll take one of those, then. oh, and an order of chili fries to go." The squeal of burning rubber before an inevitable car crash. "yeah, my bro can't resist those things, as much as he complains about how greasy they are." The ignition of a surface to air missile, prepared to end the lives of brave fighter pilots. "ah, he's got cooking classes. you'd be impressed with him; he's gotten a lot better. only put one person in the hospital this year, and that's 'cuz they were allergic!" Sans grinned proudly, taking the wail of a fire engine siren to be one of agreement. Grillby snapped his fiery death fingers of horror burning terror, and a plate of whatever food it was that Sans had ordered no I won't tell you what it is appeared on the counter. "thanks, grillbz. how about we ketchup some more later?" Sans chuckled to himself as Grillby screamed like a jet engine, before flashing off to deal with other customers. 

And then Drunk Bunny appeared, because why not! "Heeeyaya Saaaansy," they cooed, flopping into the seat besides his. "Been a while since I've seen your mug around here!" 

"hey db. sorry about that; i've been working myself to the bone lately." Sans grinned, unfazed by the explosion of loud cackling. 

"Sansy, you're such a kidder! I know you," they prodded at his face with an ear, "and when you're s'posed to be workin' hard, you're hardly workin'! I bet... the REAL reason you ain't been comin' around... is 'cuz you're HITCHED!" Drunk Bunny thunked their head onto the bar top. "You lucky sonuva gun... the boys, Sans! The booooys," Drunk Bunny wailed, pressing their face against his skull. "They're so hot! I don't even know how to handle 'em anymore! They sure didn't make 'em like that in the Underground!" 

Sans gently removed the rabbit monster's head from his face. "boy, that sounds like a real tough break." He waited a moment for the howling laughter to die down. "if you really want on the dating train, then you'd better hop to it." 

"hop... oh, it's cuz' I'm a rabbit! Sansy, you're so funny! You should be one of them those comedian guys," Drunk Bunny encouraged, patting all over his smiling face with their ears. 

"that's the plan, db. gotta get my stand-up off the ground, put my best foot forward, you know?" Sans waited for the eruption of laughter, but it was interrupted before it could begin by-

"SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANS!" Came a familiar voice from... somewhere. Then, Papyrus burst through the front door of Grillby's in his Red Hot Roadster™, sending screaming patrons scrambling out of the way of his car. Patrons that were screaming because of his car. It would just be silly if they were screaming beforehand. "SANS," The lanky skeleton shouted, "I HAVE COME TO RESCUE YOU FROM THIS DEN OF INADEQUACY! I SHALL RETURN YOU TO A PLACE OF WARM HUGS AND WARMER SPAGHETTI!" 

Grillby appeared on the hood of Papyrus' Red Hot Roadster™ in a flash of smoke, crossing his arms and staring sternly down at the skeleton. "NYEEEEH! YOU WILL NOT DISSUADE ME THIS TIME, GRILLBY! I'M SAVING MY BROTHER, AND THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT!" Grillby shook his head, gesturing at the myriad of broken tables and the destroyed front entrance. "MY BROTHER IS WORTH THE LIVES OF A THOUSAND CHEAP WOODEN TABLES! NOW STAND ASIDE, OR FEEL THE BROTHERLY WRATH OF THE GREAT PAPYRUS!" Grillby's flames sputtered angrily, and he made a show of pulling out a leather wallet and pointing at it. It burst into cinders from the heat of his hands. "YOUR INTIMIDATION TACTICS WILL NOT WORK ON AN EXPERIENCES SPAGETTORE SUCH AS MYSELF!" Grillby erupted, spraying a shower of hot sparks and embers over the front windshield of Papyrus's Red Hot Roadster™. "A DIRECT ATTACK?!!? I DIDN'T WANT TO HAVE TO DO THIS, BUT YOU'VE LEFT ME NO CHOICE!" Papyrus backflipped out of the driver's seat, popping open the trunk of his car and disappearing inside. 

"...?" Grillby turned to look over his shoulder at Sans, who was sweating bullets. Drunk Bunny had made a quick getaway, after taking Sans' ambiguously described food dish. 

"uh... sorry about the damages, grillbz. i... i'm sure we can pay you back somehow." Sans could feel the growing void in his wallet already. 

"NYEH HEH HEH! PREPARE YOURSELF, GRILLBY, FOR YOU ARE ABOUT TO FACE..." Papyrus leapt from the trunk of his car, dressed up in a conquistador's outfit. He unsheathed a long femur, shaved down to resemble a rapier, and fell into a defensive stance. "LE ROI SQUELETTE!" The Mariachi band that hadn't been present until just now began playing a frantic tune. 

"bro, isn't that french-" 

"EN GARDE!" Papyrus slashed his sword through the air, and Grillby leapt nimbly over the incoming blade. He landed atop it with the utmost grace and dexterity, prompting a startled 'N-NYEH?!' from Papyrus. He stared disapprovingly down at the skeleton, who shrunk away, thoroughly intimidated. "...OKAY, MAYBE I'LL JUST TAKE SANS AND LEAVE WITHOUT FIGHTING. THE GREAT PAPYRUS APPROVES OF THIS PLAN!" Papyrus used a blue attack on his brother, sending Sans flying across the room to land upside down in the passenger seat of the Red Hot Roadster™. Papyrus flung his sword, and by extension, Grillby, across the restaurant. He screeched into reverse as Sans righted himself. 

"just put it on my taaaaaaab!" Sans called as they peeled out, leaving behind a wrecked Grillby's and an irate Grillby. 

"WOWIE, WHAT A DARING RESCUE, EXECUTED PERFECTLY BY THE GREAT PAPYRUS!" Papyrus took both hands off the wheel to pose, and Sans scrambled to keep them on the road. "WHATEVER WERE YOU DOING THERE, ANYWAY? WITH SO MANY EXQUISITE PASTA RESTAURANTS TO CHOOSE FROM, I JUST CAN'T FATHOM WHY YOU WOULD GO TO GRILLBY'S!" 

"hey, familiarity is a good thing. 'sides, it isn't like i had anything else to do. so i decided to get some grub. oh, uh.. i got you some chili fries, by the way, but we kinda forgot." 

Papyrus slapped both hands over his face in disbelief. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!"

"hey, bro, it's not a big deal. you just gotta... chili out." Sans' laughter and Papyrus' screeching echoed down the streets all the way home.


	65. Vague Implications

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is trash.

The sun shone bright, one fine autumn afternoon. The air was crisp and cool, carrying a soft breeze that whistled through the trees. Not that there were a whole lot of trees, considering the suburban setting, but whatever. Cool winds and warm rays made for a fine, temperate day, and Frisk and Sans had decided to take advantage of it. They sat out in the backyard around the little metal patio table, drinking homemade lemonade from a pitcher turned foggy from condensation. Frisk stared deep into their glass, watching ice cubes bob up and down in the tart yellow liquid. They should have added more sugar. Frisk closed their eyes against the rays of the sun, the light bleeding red through their eyelids. They could hear ice cubes clinking against glass as Sans drank his lemonade, and they could feel his gaze on them. But they were already lost in thought. 

Things had been... different. Different, but the same. Frisk noticed a closeness that they had never seen before, when the four of them would sit down for meals, or lounge in front of the TV. Even when no words were spoken, conversation still flowed. Whispers of reassurance and familial love. The clink and scrape of silverware became its own little song, and the buzz of the television became a pleasant backdrop. Cool bones and warm fur became all of existence, for a short while. Low, languid jokes and boisterous boasting and soft, soothing speech twisted into a rhythm like a beating heart. Frisk felt so warm they were sure they would melt. But a part of them was still cold and heavy, like flesh fused into rock. Times like these couldn't last forever. They knew that one day, it'd all be memories. Their brilliant solution had been a hoax, a sham, dressed up like the perfect life they'd always dreamed of. Knowing that there was nothing left to do, that there was no secret way to make everything perfect, to save everyone and hold them close for all of time... it was hard to feel determined, these days. But there was no going back now. They'd made their choices, and it was time to see them through. Frisk would support their friends no matter what. Even if it broke their heart. 

Sans snapped his fingers in front of Frisk's face, producing a sharper, rougher sound than normal finger snaps. "hey, kid. you still in there?" 

Frisk slowly opened their eyes, focusing on the phalanges hovering in front of their face. "Hmm..? Uh, yeah. Sorry, I was... just thinking." 

Sans' sockets twinkled, and Frisk braced themself. "you were just thinking, huh? well... who are you now?" 

"Wow, nice joke, dad," Frisk mocked, and then swiftly bit their lip. Sans felt a severe sense of deja vu. 

"...is this one better left buried, or are we unearthing something?" Sans languidly swirled his lemonade, carefully focused on Frisk's face. They looked away after a few moments, clearly contemplative about something. He was almost certain this had happened before. 

"..I guess you should probably know. Just... don't tell anyone." Frisk tapped a nervous rhythm against the leg of their chair. "My parents... you wouldn't call them nice people. They didn't like me very much. I don't think they were ready for a child, really. They never... did anything illegal," Sans noted the vague wording, "but they made it clear that I wasn't... wanted." Frisk swallowed hard, and stared down at the table. "I haven't even seen them in twelve years; you'd think it'd be easier to talk about, huh?" Sans clenched his fingers around his glass when Frisk laughed. It was a dry, crackling sound that held none of the warmth it usually did. "One day, when I was eight, they... said some things. And I, being an idiot, said some things back. It wasn't a smart idea. I uhm... left, the next day. For Mt. Ebott. I wanted to disappear forever. And... I guess I kinda did, huh?" Frisk sighed, offering the skeleton a wan smile. "Now you know. Story time is over, be sure to tip your waitress." 

Sans stared at them, unreadable. Back in the Underground... he'd never once heard of parents not wanting their child. The thought filled him with an emotion he rarely felt... anger. He was angry for Frisk, for what they'd put up with. But there was nothing to be done. It had happened over a decade ago, and he didn't even know who Frisk's parents were. He doubted that Frisk would tell him if he asked. So, he did the only thing he could do. "i'd give that story a mount-ten out of ten." Frisk laughed, and kept laughing. They laughed until tears streamed down their face, until a pair of bony arms were wrapped around them. They cried until the sun had long set, and the ice cubes in their glass had melted. 

Sans slept in their bed that night.


	66. Party Time! Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is less trash.

Frisk and fambambilby were all sat around their kitchen table, because as everyone knows, that's where things happen. They were enjoying a fine dinner of nondescript foodstuffs, chatting merrily and just having a gosh dang good time. And then a thing happened!!!! A heavy pounding sounded at the door, as if someone were hitting their knuckles against it for some reason. Having never experienced anything like this, the kitchen's occupants all squawked in panic and hid under the table. Except for Sans, who didn't have the energy to do so. After several minutes of listening to the door rattle and watching his family cower under the table, Sans decided that something must be done. But not by him, or anything. "frisk, you're up. good luck." He lightly kicked them with a slippered foot, sending them sliding across the tile floor. They continued sliding all the way to the front door, which exploded inward just as Frisk ran into it. 

"Woah, like, sorry about your door, dudes. Guess I just don't know my own strength." It was RG 01! How exciting, having all these minor characters and such. The imposingly buff and buffly imposing rabbit monster peered around the door at a battered Frisk. "Like, are you okay little dude?" Receiving a weak thumbs up in return, he breathed a sigh of relief. "Gnarly. So like, here's the sitch. You dudes are all totally invited to Mettaton's sweet shindig at his pad tonight." Toriel shuddered in agony, unable to process all this hip young slang. 

"METTATON IS THROWING A PARTY, AND WE'RE INVITED!?!?!?!? WOWIE, I CAN'T BELIEVE IT! I'D BETTER PUT ON MY HOTTEST PANTS AND FLY-EST JACKET!" Papyrus exploded out from under the table, sending it and the food on top of it flying all over the place. Sans almost leapt into action to save Toriel from the flying food, but decided to just sit there instead. 

RG 01 stared on uncomfortably. "Uh... so like, I've got a ride waiting outside, whenever you dudes are ready." 

"Please, make yourself comfortable. I should think we'll be a little while." Toriel wrung food mush out of her floppy ears, smiling gently at the former Royal Guard. 

"I really should be getting back to the limo-" 

"listen, buddo. when toriel asks you politely to do something, you do it." Everyone nodded solemnly in agreement, including Toriel, Papyrus, who was up in his room and thus unable to hear the conversation taking place, and RG 01. "so just take a load off for a bit, we'll be back in a... in just... we'll be back soon," Sans finished lamely. "knew i should have written down some car and rabbit puns," he muttered as he shuffled off to the bathroom. Toriel very calmly walked towards the upstairs bathroom in a very normal and unexciting manner. 

"..." RG 01 made awkward eye contact with Frisk, who was still upside down on the floor. "Woah, hold on a sec. You're totally the human from the Underground! Dude, it's sick to finally meet you! Me and my brofriend, we were so hyped to like, fight you and stuff back when Captain Undyne told us about you, but you never showed. Wicked bummer. But you're here now, and that's gnarly as heck! You're a lot taller than she said, too... whatever, no biggie. Hey, I know you probably get this sorta thing all the time, but... can I snap a pic with you?" 

"U-uhm... sure." Frisk slowly rose from the floor, trying to process the fact that someone found them so cool as to want to take a picture with them. "I mean, anything for a fan!" Doing their best to emulate Mettaton, they struck a seductive pose and winked at the burly bunny monster. 

"W-woah, so cool," he gushed like an anime school girl, fumbling to retrieve his phone with his giant muscular sausage fingers. He pulled out a smartphone with a bright pink, bunny eared phone case, angling it downwards to get both him and Frisk in the shot. They both held up a 'V' for victory, being huge fucking dorks, and RG 01 snapped the photo. "Wicked! Man, RG 02 is gonna be so jealous!" 

"Wow... you guys are really that big of fans of me?" Frisk appeared absolutely dumbstruck. Since when had they had fans? 

"Like, are you kidding?! We founded the Frisk Fanclub! You're like the coolest human ever, brah. You helped King Asgore free all the monsters! That's like, total celeb material in our book. I'd say you're even cooler than Mettaton, but as his bodyguard I'm legally obligated to say he's totally the coolest, hottest guy on the planet, and possibly in all the known universe n' stuff." 

"Well, he totally is," Frisk agreed. 

"Oh, no doubt about it bro," RG 01... also agreed. With himself. 

And then Papyrus! Wow, isn't that handy. "GREETINGS, HUMAN AND RG 01! I HOPE YOU ARE READY FOR THE UNVEILING OF THE COOLEST. OUTFIT. EVER!!!" Papyrus burst through his door, stepping nimbly out of the way as it rebounded off the wall. A bright spotlight shone behind him, making it difficult to see what he was actually wearing. But I'll tell you anyway! He wore like, a totally sick pair of flame striped track pants, to go extra fast, and a leather jacket with a pair of wireframe fairy wings glued on to the back, directly over the Devil's Angels logo. He also had on at least four pairs of sunglasses. Both Frisk and RG 01 stared on in starry eyed awe at the totally rad skeleton, who leapt down the stairs and floated through the air with the aid of his fairy wings...! And then he crashed to the ground because they aren't real wings. The human and bunny monster both applauded uproariously. "THANK YOU, THANK YOU. I'LL BE HERE... ALWAYS. BECAUSE I LIVE HERE! NYEH HEH HEH!" 

"woah, papyrus pulled out the jacket? well, i can already patella good time is in store for us." Sans emerged from the hallway, resplendent in his tuxedo print sweatshirt and clip on bowtie. He winked and clicked his fingers at Frisk, who blushed and quivered at the sight of the dapper skeleton. 

Toriel was the last to enter the living room, dressed in one of the several (dozen) dresses that Mettaton had picked out for her, all the way back in Vacation City. Rip in peace, you will be missed. "Oh, I hope we didn't take too long," she fretted. 

"Well, big MTT said to get you guys there like, ASAP. I dunno what that means, but I'm sure it's cool if we show up whenever." 

Toriel's eyes widened comically. "No, this cannot happen! I've never been late for a party, and I. NEVER. WILL!!" She shouted dramatically, raising a fist to the ceiling. With a thunderous war cry she gathered everyone up in one arm, hurling them out the front door. RG 01 flipped through the air, crashing on the roof of the limousine parked outside. Papyrus and Sans got tangled up in mid flight, and hung from a street lamp in an amalgam of bones. Frisk was buried three feet in the snow that was still on the front lawn for reasons unknown. Toriel very calmly and casually plucked Frisk out of the icy slush, flinging them like a boomerang towards the limo. They crashed right through the side, and landed on a cushy leather seat. The skeleton brothers were rescued by Toriel's magic lasso that she's totally had this entire time, the pair being pulled off the lamp and whipped down at the limo. They crashed in through the sunroof, landing in a tangled pile on top of Frisk. Finally, Toriel flipped up into the air, landing with both feet on top of RG 01 and sending him straight through the roof and into the driver's seat. Then she quietly climbed into the back of the limo, untangling Sans and Papyrus' bones and healing Frisk's horrific head wound. "Let's be on our way, shall we?" 

And then they were off, towards Mettaton's party!


	67. Party Time! Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everybody gets smashed in a literal sense.

The limousine ride went by in a blur. Mostly because everyone except Toriel had moderate to severe concussions. She heroically leapt behind the wheel, screaming wildly as she swerved and flipped and barrel rolled and used the boost to get through the literally millions of cars that were also on the road. Luckily Toriel was a fantastic Formula One racer, and so they avoided a fiery demise by way of crashing into the previously mentioned millions of cars. Eventually RG 01 awoke from his cranial trauma induced stupor, and he and Toriel engaged in an intense round of rock paper scissors to see who would get to drive. Unfortunately, while they were doing that they crashed into an oncoming vehicle, and the sheer force flung the limo into the air at forty thousand miles an hour. The two conscious occupants shrieked in terror, clutching at each other as the limo flew into the side of a high rise apartment complex. They impacted the building so hard that the limo turned inside out for some reason, propelling them all through the bay window of the balcony they'd landed atop. They smashed the glass into powder on impact, flipping around in all sorts of crazy directions like up and down and sideways, before gently coming to a stop... in the middle of Mettaton's living room! Wow, how convenient. 

"Oh, darlings! You've finally arrived. And with such a smashing entrance, too! Ohohohohohoho!" Mettaton laughed for an uncomfortably long time at his own joke. Alphys coughed in the background. "Anyway, I'm glad you made it here safely. I'll have to personally congratulate Roy personally." Receiving a dazed look of confusion from an upside down Toriel, he decided to elaborate. "Roy. Your driver? RG 01, as he is referred to on the streetz?" RG 01 self consciously pulled up his baggy pants and adjusted his sideways snapback hat. "Oh, there you are, darling. Prepare yourself, for a personal congratulation from me, the amazing Mettaton!" Mettaton struck a dramatic pose, and Asgore made a tiny whimpering sound in the background. And then everything went silent for an unreasonably long time. "...Congratulations." He then proceeded to pick up the entire limo with his incredible robo strength, and Undyne scoffed in an unimpressed manner in the background. Ya boi MTT shook out the remaining passengers inside the limo before carelessly tossing it off the balcony. There was a distant explosion. "I trust the ride was enjoyable?" 

Sans lifted himself off the floor as if nothing had happened, a massive crack running down the side of his skull. "oh yeah, your driver was really a-head of the curb. but i gotta give you a heads up; concussions? not all they're cracked up to be." He then proceeded to die forever. Or at least until right now. "no but actually ow." 

"I AM ALSO IN THE ZONE OF OWIES!" Papyrus held one half of his head in either hand. 

Undyne scoffed extremely loudly. "C'mon, you big babies! Just walk it off! I once had my entire head eaten by Granthor, The Terror That Sleeps Below, and you don't see me whining about it!" 

Frisk bled quietly on the floor. 

"NEVER FEAR, FELLOW CONCUSSION HAVERS! I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, AM ALWAYS PREPARED FOR ANY EVENTUALITY!" Papyrus dug around in his pocket for... a roll of masking tape! He carefully taped his skull back together and plopped it back onto his neck, cackling proudly. He then slapped a piece of tape over the crack in Sans' skull, and stared at Frisk for several long moments before carefully placing the roll of tape on their face. "MISSION 'A'CCOMPLISHED, ALL THANKS TO... THE GREAT PAPYRUS!" He pulled out a tape recorder, and played a very tinny recording of some off-key fanfare. Everyone clapped politely. 

Mettaton clapped his hands together, smiling widely. "Well, now that that's all settled... let the party begin! Oh, and you can leave now, Roy. I'm giving you and Randall the rest of the night off." 

"Woah, gnarly! Thanks, boss man!" RG 01 leapt into several muscular poses before backflipping out of the scene forever. What might he have planned for himself and RG 02? Use your imagination! 

Anyway everyone proceeded to have a good time and the rest of the party went undescribed. 

No but actually they all hovered around an unconscious Frisk, sharing looks of concern. Mettaton was the first to speak up, naturally. "Oh, the poor dear must have fallen asleep on the way over. Luckily, I know just the thing to wake them up!" Mettaton reached into his... hot pants, and retrieved a tiny wrapped German chocolate, which he held in front of Frisk's face. Nothing happened. "Hm, how odd. The smell of fresh chocolate always woke me up, back in the old country..." He stared wistfully off in the distance. 

Alphys and also everyone else looked extremely puzzled. "U-uh.. Mettaton? T-there never was an 'old country'. We lived i-in the Underground... r-remember?" 

"Hm? Did you say something, dear? I'm afraid I was a million miles away. Lost in memories of... the old country." Mettaton's wistful staring increased in intensity! 

"R..right, let's just i-ignore that. I'll f-fix it later," Alphys mumbled. 

"Well.." Asgore began thoughtfully, "it's possible that, being a ghost, Mettaton was around long enough to have experienced life before the war. That could be the 'old country' he's referring to." 

"wait, mtt is a ghost? wait, i've got a joke for this. how does a ghost navigate in the dark?" Sans grinned widely, waiting for someone to speak up. He continued to grin. And kept grinning. 

"I do not know, how does a ghost navigate in the dark?" Toriel spoke up finally. 

"they use ecto-location." And then everybody laughed forever.

"BROTHER, YOU'RE TELLING ME THAT YOU DIDN'T KNOW METTATON WAS A GHOST BEFORE ALPHYS BUILT HIS HANDSOME, DEVILISHLY ATTRACTIVE BODY?! BUT HE WROTE ALL ABOUT IT IN HIS AUTOBIOGRAPHY! WAIT.. THAT MUST MEAN..." 

Every eye in the room turned to Asgore, who coughed in embarrassment before looking away. "I.. was running low on reading material." Literally nobody on the entire planet believed him. 

"ANYWAY," Undyne cut in, "we've got more important things to worry about. Like the unconscious dork bleeding all over the floor. WAKE UP, NERDLORD!" Undyne roared, fish scented spittle coating Frisk's face. "..Well, I got nothin'." 

Alphys stepped forward, glasses gleaming in the fluorescent light despite the fact that she didn't have glasses because contacts. "S-stand back, everyone! I-I.. uh, I've got this one!" Alphys leaned in uncomfortably close, her dinosaur face practically touching Frisk's inner ear. "Princess Pulverizer has been canceled." 

Frisk screeched like a thing possessed, eyes snapping open and limbs convulsing wildly. For the barest hint of a moment, Sans could have sworn he saw red in their gaze. They latched onto the awkward yellow dinosaur's face like a spider monkey, pressing their eyeballs together. "I-it's not really canceled, r-right?! PRINCESS PULVERIZER IS STILL ON THE AIR, RIGHT?!?!" 

"...Y-yes." 

"Oh okay. Had me worried for a second." Frisk laughed and patted Alphys on the head, before noticing all the stares directed at them. "...When did we get to Mettaton's?" 

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Soon after The Incident with capital letters, the party was in full swing. Mettaton's constant mix of nu disco and electro funk played from his speakers and also the speakers all over the apartment everywhere. The kitchenette was absolutely covered in hors d'oeuvres, including the fridge and sink and stove. Asgore hovered around the kitchen, eating a full platter of tiny grilled shrimp kebabs as Mettaton chattered at him. Alphys, Undyne, and Papyrus were engaged in a rousing game of MTT Quiz Show: The Board Game™, which involved much screaming and spear throwing and Alphys giving everyone hints despite them being her opponents. Toriel, Frisk, and Sans sat around on the couch, trading terrible jokes with one another. Let's take a listen, shall we? 

"where did the skeleton keep his bird?" Frisk and Toriel both shrugged in unison. "in a rib cage." Frisk giggled quietly as Toriel sprayed literally a half litre of spittle in the process of laughing. Sans wiped himself off with the hand towel he kept handy (heh) for just such an occasion. 

"Oh, I have one, I have one!" Toriel flapped her hands in excitement, before clearing her throat. "Why did the skeleton get detention?" She waited a beat. "Because she told a fib-ula!" She laughed along with her two punster pals, smiling bright. 

However, the fun was soon interrupted by the sound of Mettaton tapping on a champagne flute with a spoon. Why he didn't just play the flute to make noise shall remain a mystery. "Attention, everyone! I have some big announcements to make!" He strutted dramatically into the living room, Asgore trailing behind him like a lost grizzly bear. "Now, I have two stupendous announcements to make to you all. First of all... I, Mettaton, your beloved friend, will be starring in a full, feature length film, with actual humans!" He squealed in excitement, and the sound only grew in intensity as his friends cheered. "I know, it's so very exciting! We're going to start filming at the end of this month!" He took a moment to compose himself, clearing his audio emitter. "Now, there is something else I'd like to say. Something that involves someone who is very near and dear to our hearts... in exactly two weeks, our beloved Papyrus will be guest starring on Cooking With a Killer Robot!" 

The groups cheers were almost entirely drowned out by the screeching sound produced by Papyrus. "OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD! I'M GOING TO BE ON TELEVISION! WITH METTATON!! ON A COOKING SHOW!!!! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT! THE GREAT PAPYRUS, DISPLAYING HIS PASTA PROWESS FOR THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE! I'M GOING TO HAVE TO CALL MY STYLIST! I HAVE TO LOOK MY BEST, AFTER ALL! NYEH HEH HEH!" Papyrus threw himself at the robotic television host, squeezing his supple metallic body. Everyone gathered around, chatting about the show and the upcoming movie, as well as expressing their congratulations. 

Except for Frisk, who mustered up a faint smile and a muttered 'congrats' before slipping away. They stepped over the glass that littered the floor, and went out onto the balcony. They leaned against the railing, staring out over the bright, glaring lights of the city. 

"if i didn't know any better, i'd say you weren't happy for your friends." Frisk turned their head, catching sight of Sans, who soon joined them on the balcony. 

"No, no.. I am happy for them, really. I just..." Frisk trailed off, gesturing lamely. 

"has this happened before?" Sans rested his arms atop the railing, staring out over the sea of lights. "quite a view, huh?" 

Frisk nodded absently. "Yeah... I just don't remember it happening so soon. I thought I'd have more time." 

"it's not like they're going away forever. they'll just be a little busier for a while." Sans placed a comforting arm around their shoulders. 

"It's not like this is a one time thing. Once the ball starts rolling, everything happens so fast..." 

"listen, frisk. you... sometimes, you have to learn to let go. i'm not saying you have to just accept the fact that you'll eventually never see us again, because that isn't the case. we'll always be with you, even if we're not around as much. besides, you'll meet other people. you don't have to limit yourself to one group of friends. charming kid like you, i bet you've made a ton of friends in college." 

Frisk huffed a laugh. "You'd think so, huh? I'm not meant for the human world, Sans. You're the only ones that get me." 

"..." Sans sighed, and leaned against Frisk's shoulder. "maybe, subconsciously, you're shutting people out. because... you don't think you're good enough for them. because you think you don't deserve to be happy. but you do, frisk. you deserve all the happiness in the world. i think we've all earned that much, don't you?" 

"...You sound like you're speaking from experience." Frisk gazed inquisitively at him, with none of the pity Sans had feared he'd see. 

"yeah, well. the underground was a dark place, kiddo. and not just because it was... y'know, underground. a lot of people were losing hope, thinking we might never get out. HP is an acronym too. why do you think i only had one? i thought we'd be stuck there forever. the reports practically confirmed it. but you changed that, frisk. you made me feel like... like the underground wasn't so bad, y'know? not when you're with the people you care about." Sans smiled blandly. "that's just my thinkin', though. can't speak for everyone." 

Frisk was silent for a long moment. "...How much HP do you have now, Sans?" 

"more than you know, kiddo." Sans stared out over the ocean of glass and metal, and up at the brightly shining moon. He turned his gaze towards a face lined with more years than it should have held. He smoothed his thumb over a rounded cheek, and smiled. 

"more than you know."


	68. Brotherly Banter: The Squeakwel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I just really like writing these two.

Frisk, Sans, and Papyrus all stood in front of their television, except for Frisk who was sitting down on the couch and also Sans who was sitting on the floor, in a manner that was highly reminiscent of their time together in the Underground. The TV blared white noise, a blinking green 'DVD' hovering in the top right corner. 

"SANS, PLEASE. WE BOTH KNOW THAT THE SUPERIOR OPTION IS OUR WELL WORN AND WELL LOVED COPY OF 'CAPTAIN RECTANGLE'S PUZZLE BRIGADE: THE LEGEND OF THE MYSTIC MAZE'!" Papyrus jammed his hands onto his hips, standing tall and proud as he spouted the title of his movie. 

"yeah, but bro. i've had more than my fill-m of that movie. we've watched it like thirty six times. why not try something different, like 'legend amongst the dead'?" Sans waggled his eyebrow ridges in a tantalizing manner as he held up his movie, which had a horrifically rotted corpse on the case. The corpse face had a smiley face sloppily superimposed over it with red marker. "i mean, just look how happy this guy is to see you." Frisk giggled quietly from their spot on the couch. 

"HMMM..." Papyrus squinted at the cover, holding a pair of Toriel's reading glasses in front of his sockets. "WELL... HE DOES LOOK PRETTY HAPPY. PERHAPS HE JUST FINISHED EATING A DELICIOUS PLATE OF SPAGHETTI, OR JUST COMPLETED A PARTICULARLY CHALLENGING PUZZLE! I WANT TO KNOW! I HAVE TO KNOW! SANS, WE MUST WATCH THIS MOVIE TO DISCOVER THE SECRET TO HIS ETERNAL SMILE!" 

"What about Sans' eternal smile?" Frisk covered their own smile with a hand, greatly amused by the skeletons' antics. 

"NO, THAT DOESN'T COUNT. HIS FACE IS STUCK LIKE THAT BECAUSE HE HELD THAT EXPRESSION FOR TOO LONG. JUST LIKE GRANDMA JITTER BONES SAID IT WOULD!" Papyrus wagged his finger in Sans' face. 

"besides the part about us having a grandma jitter bones, which isn't true, papyrus is completely right. like usual." Sans grinned casually. As if he had any choice in the matter. 

"NYEH HEH! INDEED, THE GREAT PAPYRUS IS ALWAYS CORRECT! THAT IS WHY MY 'A'SSESSMENT OF SANS' MOVIE REVEALS THAT IT MUST BE WATCHED, SO THAT WE MAY UNCOVER THE SECRETIVE SECRETS IT SURELY HOLDS!" Papyrus 'NYEH!'d determinedly, plucking the movie case out of Sans' clutches and flicking it at the television screen like a frisbee. It thunked off, and clattered to the floor. "...SANS, THE MOVIE ISN'T PLAYING." 

"you gotta do it like this, bro." Sans strained to reach for the movie case, but it required moving and thus he was unable. "welp, i did my best, but all that effort has me bone tired." 

"SANS, I AM LITERALLY UNABLE TO COUNT HOW MANY TIMES I HAVE HEARD THAT EXACT PUN! AND NOT JUST BECAUSE I HAVE BOXING GLOVE/OVEN MITTS ON, AND AM THUS INCAPABLE OF COUNTING ON MY FINGERS!" 

"what, did you want someone to keep track, or somethin'? better count me out. you could never count on me to remember." Sans winked lazily, sprawling out on the floor. 

"...YOU ARE LUCKY THAT THE GREAT PAPYRUS IS SO KIND AND COMPASSIONATE. BECAUSE IF HE WASN'T, A CERTAIN BOONDOGGLER WOULD BE SLEEPING OUT IN THE GARAGE TONIGHT!" Papyrus scooped up the movie case, and flung it at the television once more. It rebounded and whizzed through the air, smacking Papyrus in the face with a resounding... sound. "ACK, I AM UNDER ATTACK!" 

"hold on bro, i'll get 'em off ya." Sans didn't move. "darn, they're too powerful for me. gotta handle this one yourself." 

"SANS, YOU DIDN'T EVEN MOVE," Papyrus accused. 

"what? they made an invisible gravity well that only affects me and keeps me anchored to this spot," Sans defended. 

"GRAVITY IS NOT A LIQUID, SANS! YOU CAN'T GET IT OUT OF A WELL! THUS, YOUR DEFENSE IS INVALID! THOROUGHLY TROUNCED AGAIN BY THE GREAT PAPYRUS! NYEH HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH! ....HEH." 

"boy, you sure got me. but uh, i think the dvd is comin' back for round two." Sans winked up at the human still seated on the couch, who was muffling laughter behind their hands. 

"OH MY GOD, WHERE?!" Papyrus danced from foot to foot, one of his boots catching on the DVD case and sending him crashing to the floor. "OH MY GOD, YOU WERE RIGHT! SANS, THIS MOVIE IS PURE EVIL! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU TRIED TO CONVINCE ME TO WATCH IT. UNLESS... IT HAS ALREADY INFECTED YOUR MIND WITH ITS EVIL POWER! OH, MY DEAR BROTHER, HOW COULD I HAVE LET THIS HAPPEN?!?! DON'T WORRY, THE GREAT PAPYRUS WILL RESCUE YOU FROM THIS BRAIN WRANGLING FIEND!" Papyrus leapt to his feet, producing a bone attack and hurling it at the innocuous DVD case with unimaginable force. It bounced off, and the bone bounced again off his forehead. "ACK! DASTARDLY FIEND; IT HAS SET UP SOME SORT OF FIELD MADE OF FORCE! I DON'T KNOW WHAT SUCH A THING COULD BE CALLED, BUT IT IS SURELY THE WORK OF A DARK POWER!" 

"yeah, i think you're on to somethin'. there's only one way to cleanse it of the uh... dark power. you gotta put it in the blueray player." 

"A BRILLIANT IDEA, SANS! I'M GLAD I THOUGHT OF IT! ...PROBABLY. ANYWAY, I SHALL PUT YOUR/MY PLAN INTO ACTION, POSTHASTE!" Papyrus carefully lifted the case off the floor, opening it and fumbling to remove the DVD itself. He grasped it with careful boxing glove/oven mitt hands, and fed it into the DVD slot on the blue-ray player. A title screen appeared on the TV, with the words 'Legend Amongst the Dead' written in a torn, blood red font. In the background, hordes of blurry zombies shambled to and fro. Papyrus squinted at the screen. "...THIS DOESN'T LOOK LIKE IT INVOLVES PUZZLES NOR PASTA, SANS." 

"trust me, you'll like it. now uh.. mind helping me up? i was floored by your performance." Sans waggled his arms at Papyrus, who sighed and lifted his brother up before plopping him on the couch beside Frisk. 

"YOU ARE VERY LUCKY TO HAVE A GUY AS COOL AS ME AROUND. OTHERWISE, YOU MIGHT HAVE BEEN STUCK ON THE FLOOR FOR ALL ETERNITY!" Papyrus settled on the couch, wrapping an arm around both his brother and the human. 

"yeah, bro. i really am lucky to have you." Sans grinned up at his brother, who stared back with shimmering sockets. 

"OH, SANS! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH, DEAR BROTHER!" Papyrus swept the smaller skeleton up in a hug, squeezing him tightly. 

"yeah... love you too bro... but i like breathing too," Sans wheezed, gently patting his brother on the pauldron. 

"YES, OF COURSE! BREATHING IS VERY IMPORTANT, YOU SHOULD DO IT AT LEAST ONCE A DAY!" Papyrus set his brother back down, so that Frisk could properly snuggle with him. "PROMISE YOU'LL KEEP THE SMOOCHES TO A MINIMUM." Frisk offered a thumbs up before reaching for the remote, and pressing 'PLAY'. 

Papyrus' screams echoed throughout the neighborhood.


	69. Possibilities

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What could have been, what has been, and what will be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for descriptions of violence.

Frisk's screams echoed inside their own skull. Screams of rage, screeches of fear, shrieks of agony. Everything they'd done, everyone they'd killed... nothing could have prepared them for this. After Papyrus, something had taken hold of them. Something that filled every inch of them with pure void. They felt nothing. Not until now. Now, they felt pure, all consuming malice. They felt white hot liquid rage, boiling in their veins. They felt pure pain, stark and piercing, throughout their entire body. All because of him. That fucking skeleton, with his cocksure grin and lazy posture and his unfunny puns and obnoxious chuckling. They wanted to spill his dust all over the corridor. To feel it between their fingers, taste it on their tongue. They struck again and again, like a quicksilver cobra, but compared to him they were a glacier. Full of unimaginable amounts of destructive potential, but damnably slow. And he never stopped mocking them. 

"pretty close that time. keep it up, and you might even nick me." Sans winked, his open eye blazing like a bonfire. It flickered between blue and yellow as he took hold of their soul, flinging them into walls and floors and ceilings. Their body, pumped full of LOVE and EXP, was still breakable. And oh, did Sans love to break them. Over and over, he'd smash them into pulp, bones snapping like toothpicks as marble pillars were obliterated, and floor tiles were cracked, and dents were punched in the domed rooftop. They'd never felt pain like that before. It burned hotter than any amount of DETERMINATION they could muster, crackling flames of sheer agony burning out their nerves as their body failed, time and time again. Were they capable of rational thought beyond the all encompassing desire to kill, they would have gone mad. Or maybe they already had. 

"that look on your face.. well, i don't think the words to properly describe it exist." Sans winked at them, he always fucking winked, and they screamed in his face. "boy, someone seems upset. glad to see i'm doing my job well." They lunged at him, knife flashing through the air as he easily avoided it, disappearing on the spot and appearing further down the hall, faster than they could properly observe. "what, you forget the rules all of a sudden? it's my go first." He grinned in that way of his, the way that promised they were in for the worst time of their life. They didn't last long.

Sometimes, his patterns were easy to spot. Brutal, yet memorizable. They'd avoid stalks of bone and beams of energy and leap nimbly off of the surfaces they were flung towards-  
-only for him to change the rules. His attacks would come so fast that they interrupted each other, disappearing on the spot to be instantly replaced. A gauntlet of bones would be interrupted by a squadron of those mechanical skulls, and then they'd be blue and leaping desperately from platform to platform, only to be gored by a femur, or have their head cracked open on the wall, or be utterly incinerated. And then they were standing at the end of the hall, staring down an eternal grin. 

One time, and one time only, they saw something different. A Sans that had thought ahead, and figured out that eventually, they would beat him. Instead of that familiar face they were presented with a beast, a monstrosity made of six human souls. A shambling mass of bones, with a dozen razor fingered arms and armored plating and a skull with antlers and a long, narrow jaw. And still it winked at them, before they were suddenly in its grasp. Their soul was blue and it was twisting, mangling their insides and outsides before they found themself in separate pieces, and then they were standing at the end of the corridor, staring into a grinning, leering skull. They screamed in outrage when they saw that face, and nobody came but him. 

They tried everything they could think of. They tried a pair of glasses that made both them and their surroundings into a blur, but that cheating bastard tore them apart anyway, each hit burning through their HP. They tried an old antique revolver, hoping the sheer speed would catch him off guard. Air erupted from the barrel with explosive force, the killing intent behind it creating craters in the far wall. He evaded every shot without flinching. They even wore a hat that enhanced their AT, and that comedian had the audacity to laugh at them. "let's see if we can fill all ten gallons of that hat, shall we?" He did. 

And then, after more times than they could count, they finally did it. He stood, panting, sweat dripping down his face and gleaming in the golden light that flooded through the windows. And what he said next brought them to their breaking point. He said that something in them was still redeemable, and he SPAREd them. They thought they couldn't feel anything other than pain and anger, but his words dredged up a wracking guilt. They felt physically ill, as if they were going to spill their guts the way Sans had done so many times before. Their best friend clattered to the tile underfoot, and a wail ripped out of their throat. They remembered glimpses of a happier time, where all the piles of dust were alive, and they knew of love and acceptance and friendship. Their DETERMINATION waned until only a sliver remained, and they threw themselves at the skeleton, guard completely lowered. Their last mistake. 

Spears of bone erupted out of their chest, and they could feel the moment their insides stopped functioning. Their heart dropped so far that they were surprised it wasn't beating futilely on the floor. That fucking skeleton mocked them, and laughed, and grinned grinned GRINNED and they had never felt more hatred than in that moment. Maybe that was how Toriel had felt. 

They stood at the end of the hallway, and the moment they could see they were running, sprinting with their real knife drawn and their Locket beating wildly. DETERMINATION consumed every molecule of their being, and they were determined to see him die. They sliced and sliced and sliced until they were sure the air would split apart to reveal the nothing in between, their Killing Intent leaving gaping gouges in the floor and walls. They could see it, in his empty gaze. Sans was scared. Scared of their power, their DETERMINATION. He knew the end was coming, and they were more than happy to deliver it. And then, it happened. So deliciously, too. When the opportune moment presented itself, they struck with no hesitation, carelessly breaking the rules that Sans was so fond of bending. He didn't even have the time to look shocked. He just exploded into a cloud of dust on contact, their knife rending the air. And they laughed. They laughed and twirled and caught the particles on their tongue, savoring the sweet flavor of dead skeleton. And then-

-Frisk woke up. They panted for breath, tears rolling down their cheeks and dripping onto their bed covers. They cried out, weakly, into the darkness. And he came. 

"hey, buddo," he said, soft and low. He settled on the bed beside him, sleepiness apparent even in his empty sockets. But he took them into his arms anyway, hands rubbing circles on a tensed back. "seems like someone had a bed time, huh?" Frisk bubbled a wet laugh against his clavicle, feeling warm and safe, encompased as they were by cold, hard bone. What they might have once found unappealing had become infinitely soothing, something they sought at every possible opportunity. Exposed joints and creaky calcium and an eye that burned like an oil lantern, they all spoke of home. Home in the arms of someone they loved. "did you wanna talk about it?" He prompted gently, and they nodded once. 

"I.." Frisk sniffled, and cleared their throat of phlegm. It ached, and they wished they had a glass of water on hand. "It... was me and you. In the Judgement Hall." 

Sans was silent for a moment. "...i can see why you'd be upset. those were rough times for everyone involved." They couldn't pick up any hostility or blame in his voice. Just a simple, neutral statement. 

"Not all of it was... how it really happened. There were other things; possibilities, maybe. But it all felt as if I was really living it. Like I was still under the influence of... whatever had accompanied me. Guided me. Pushed me." Frisk didn't dare look him in the face. 

"this thing... what was it, exactly? was it a voice, or...?" Sans shifted himself under the covers, leaning them both back against the plush pillows. 

"I.. Flowey, he... called me Chara. I think that was its name. The name of the First Human to fall. I don't remember a lot of what he said. I just remember feeling so irritated by him, wanting to shut him up for good. His voice grated like barbed wire against my brain. I just wanted him to stop. I wanted everyone to stop. Or... Chara wanted everyone to stop, I guess." 

"flowey... that talking flower that undyne killed, when we broke the barrier? the one that tried to absorb the human souls?" Sans stared thoughtfully at the top of Frisk's head. 

"Yeah. He... he had Determination, too. Before I fell, he used the power to SAVE and LOAD and RESET to do whatever he felt like. He made friends with everyone... he killed everyone. I think he planned a TRUE RESET at one point, so that he could forget everything... but then I came around. He tried to kill me and take my SOUL, but Toriel saved me. He said he tried to LOAD his SAVE, but my Determination overwrote his. And after I... injected myself with more, he started to forget after the RESETs. I guess that's why he didn't realize I'd know about him trying to steal the human SOULs. But, well... Undyne got to him first, I guess. I'm just... not sure if he's really dead, or not. After all my time trapped in that timeline, I never fully understood him." 

"sounds like a dangerous loose end, frisk." Sans tone was mildly accusatory. 

Frisk winced, and turned away. "I know, I know. I was just... so caught up in my Happy Ending that I didn't think about it. But... I don't know if he's much of a threat anymore. There's no SOULs left for him to steal, he can't SAVE and LOAD, and he's not strong enough to kill an adult human."

"still. i don't think that's a variable we need hanging over our heads. maybe we should head back down, just to make sure. and uh, knot to brag, but i'm pretty good at tying up loose ends." Frisk didn't even have to see his face to know he was winking. They huffed a laugh, and nuzzled against the underside of his jaw. 

"Let's worry about that in the morning, okay? I just want to forget about everything for a little while." Frisk rearranged them so that they were laying against a pillow propped up on Sans' ribcage, the skeleton's arms wrapped securely around them. 

"yeah, that sounds like a good idea."

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Bathed in moonlight, golden petals painted luminous silver fluttered in the breeze, one that had found its way deep under the earth.


	70. Above and Below

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things always looked different when nobody came.

The Underground was cold. Colder than either of them remembered it being. Darker, as well. The king's castle was lit no longer by artifical rays, and the halls felt empty and endless. The throne room was overgrown with untended flowers and weeds, even in spite of the lack of moisture. Frisk honestly wasn't sure if those golden blossoms were capable of dying. In a moment of whimsy, they plucked one, and tucked the stem behind their ear. They did not speak as they descended, only their footsteps breaking the utter silence. Before long, they reached the inevitable. The Seventh Human and The Judge stood silently in the Hall of Judgement. But instead of facing one another, they stood side by side. Weak light trickled in through the windows, provided only by the crystals growing from the ceiling of the Underground. Warm flesh tightened around cold bone. They stood in an infinite silence, almost physically feeling the intersecting of different timelines.

"...c'mon, kiddo. we've got a lot more to see than this old place." Sans' voice echoed off the tile and glass, twisting and warping to sound more grandiose than it truly was. "tile be honest, this place is a hall of a lot creepier in the dark." Laughter rang out, crystal clear, and it was the brightest thing to enter that hall since the Underground had emptied. Sans led the way, traveling above the empty city below. Buildings stood like corpses of stone and mortar; empty husks that once housed the SOUL of the Underground. Asgore's house was much the same; a dusty shell, containing only memories. The golden flowers were dry and wilted, but still brightened the otherwise monochrome home. Relieved and slightly confused to find that the elevator was still working, they took it down, down, down, into the beating heart that kept the Underground alive.

The Core was silent. The grinding of gears and creaking of catwalks and humming of machines and magic was completely gone. The air hung heavy and stagnant as they navigated the dark labyrinth, Frisk clicking on a flashlight to illuminate their path. They'd brought a moderate amount of supplies for their journey, not knowing how long they'd have to be in the Underground. Bottled water, granola bars, and a six pack of Thought Pockets, to keep their HP up. Papyrus' portable microwave was stuck somewhere in their backpack, too. Hopefully the Spaghetti Setting worked on foods other than spaghetti. Sans was even more quiet than he had been since they'd stepped back into the Underground, glancing over the edge of the walkways and into the darkened void below. Frisk said nothing about his behavior, simply assuming that he was intrigued by the stark differences in their surroundings. Only... when would he have seen the Core, before? They frowned, but didn't bring it up. Those were questions for a different time.

Stepping out into the rebuilt MTT Resort was possibly the most jarring contrast so far. A place that had previously been jam packed with monsters all trying to get into New Home for the Christmas party was now completely abandoned. The lights were off, and so was the fountain. Frisk clicked the call button for the elevator a few times, but it didn't turn on. Odd. They persuaded Sans to peek into the MTT Burger Joint with them, finding nothing but an empty counter. They had a sudden thought to when they had last seen the monster that had worked this counter in every other timeline. Hopefully he was still alive, and up on the surface. And Ficus Guy, too. Frisk felt slightly ill, realizing that their carelessness in this timeline could have led to the deaths of several innocent people. Real innocent people, not just dialogue spewing caricatures. "L-let's go," they muttered, hurrying back through the lobby and out the door. Sans trailed behind, his gaze burning into their back.

Hotland was...not very different at all. Aside from the lack of lasers and the cooling vents being turned off, it was just as sweltering and miserable as Frisk remembered. And again, the elevators were all fully functional. They spent little time out in the horrific heat, instead travelling via elevator all the way to Alphys' lab. Frisk peered down the steps leading south, part of them expecting the Riverperson to be there, waiting. But of course, they had long left for the surface. They spared a look at Sans, who looked just about dead on his feet(oh, they'd have to remember that one). "Maybe we should head into the lab. Rest for a bit."

"read my mind, kiddo. then again, you always could see right through me." Sans wheezed out a chuckle, sweat pouring down his forehead. Frisk giggled for his sake, grabbing his hand and leading them through the thick steel doors, which opened as soon as they came close enough. Maybe Alphys' lab had its own power source? They couldn't imagine that literally everything in the Underground ran off the Core. It was probably just New Home and the Resort, as well as the rest of Hotland. But then... why were the elevators working? Did they have a separate power grid, in case of emergencies? Yeah. that made sense. Frisk ignored their growing sense of dread, they looked around the dimly lit lab. From what they could see, Alphys hadn't taken much. Mostly just her anime and manga, along with her television and computer. Most of the furniture was still here, along with a large portion of the clutter. Where Mettaton had burst through in other timelines was smooth, unblemished wall. Sometimes they forgot how different things had gone, this time around. "you keep lookin' around. i'll find a place to rest these weary bones." Sans patted them on the shoulder as he shuffled past, his eye illuminating the moderate darkness. He zeroed in on an abandoned beanbag chair, and dove headfirst into it. A groan of bliss reached Frisk's ears, and they smiled fondly. But there was still one last thing they were curious about...

..The True Lab. They had the sudden realization that no, they hadn't met all the 'pure pacifist' win conditions. The Amalgamates were still... in there. Right? Or... had Alphys sent them back when they'd left for the surface? That whole few months was such a whirlwind of activity, mostly involving them travelling with Toriel and Asgore to speak with world leaders about the monster's emergence. But, oddly enough... they couldn't remember any specifics. Just that things went well, and soon after they were living in a spacious, comfortable house with their family. Frisk stood on the verge of falling into true panic, trying to piece together the blots in their memory. No. No, it was fine. They.. had just been so stressed and overwhelmed that they blocked it out. Or something. That made sense. Perfect sense. Deciding not to think about it further, they curled up in the beanbag chair with Sans, digging into their backpack for the microwave. "oh, we got some grub goin'? glad to hear it. i'll be even gladder to taste it, though." Sans stared at them unwaveringly as they unpacked the microwave, plugging it into a conveniently placed wall socket and unwrapping a pair of Thought Pockets to stuff inside. Instead of the wrapper having instructions and nutritional facts, it had pseudo-philosophical schlock that was about as thought provoking as a fortune cookie. Frisk had brought along the 'Infinite Void of the Universe' flavor. "hey, not that i don't appreciate these half thawed stuffed sandwiches, but would you happen to have..." Frisk didn't wait for him to finish, dutifully dropping a fistful of ketchup packets onto his lap. "thanks, kiddo. i'll be sure to repay the flavor." They groaned in response, and he merely shrugged. "they can't all be winners."

After their brief lunch break and a Sans ordained nap, they were ready for Waterfall. They stepped past Sans' sentry station (which was still covered in snow) and walked by the long deactivated 'WELCOME TO HOTLAND' billboard. As they entered the expansive marshland, Sans spoke up. "hey, uh... i hope you know where you're goin', cuz' i've never really traveled around these parts before."

Frisk frowned thoughtfully, trying to draw a mental map of Waterfall. And then they tried again. And again. They frowned harder, trying to remember their first time backtracking. Their first time in Waterfall. They'd been so young back then, and full of wonder. The echo flowers and glowing stones and rushing water had dazzled them, and the history written upon the walls had brought them to tears. But after so many times through, it wore thin. Waterfall became an obnoxious slog through winding paths and hordes of monsters with annoying attack patterns. Not to mention having to escape from Undyne over and over. Monster Kid's voice became a grating screech, and they had... just wanted him to be quiet. They wanted everyone to go away. And then they made it a reality.

"frisk. frisk? you in there, kiddo?" The sound of Sans' voice snapped them back to the present, and they smiled weakly at him. "if i had to guess, i'd say you were either thinkin' hard, or hardly thinkin'." They forced a huff of laughter. "so, you didn't answer my question. you know where to go, right?"

"Y...yeah. I think so. It's just... been a while since I've been here." Frisk powered forward, leading them through ankle deep marsh and rain slicked stone and water bloated bridges. Eventually they stopped at one of Frisk's previous save points. They didn't bother checking Napstablook's house, and they knew Mettaton's house would be locked. The snail farm was likely empty, and they'd seen Gerson at the grocery store just last week. So they pressed forward, towards... where the tiny duck would be waiting. Except it wasn't there. Because everyone was gone. "Uh..."

"what's the hold up?" They could see Sans staring at his reflection in the water, smoothing down hair he didn't have. He turned to look at them, gaze inquisitive.

"It's just.. there's usually a duck here, that carries me over. But... it's not here, and I don't know of any other way back." Frisk stared at the disproportionately small gap separating them from the rest of the Underground, chewing on their lip. They heard Sans sigh exasperatedly, and turned a look on him.

"...really? the gap is like, two feet. couldn't you just jump over it?"

"But what if I miss and fall in?!" Sans continued staring at them, and Frisk could see the confusion growing exponentially on his face.

"then you just climb up? seriously, this isn't as complicated as you're making it out to be. look, how about i just.. blue you over? Then you don't have to worry about falling in. okay?" Frisk felt that same chill that they always did at the thought of turning blue, but acquiesced anyway. Their soul emerged, beating rhythmically. It burned a darker red in the dim lighting of Waterfall; more of a ruby than a candy red. Sans flexed his fingers and it flickered blue, and then they were hurtling through the air for all of half a moment before it switched back to red, dropping them to the ground on the other side of the gap. "see, was that so hard?" A bony hand entered their field of vision, and they grasped it, allowing the skeleton to help them to their feet.

"Wait... why didn't you just shortcut both of us over here?" Frisk stared accusatorially at the skeleton, who merely shrugged in response.

"c'mon, don't look so blue. we both made it over, didn't we?" He chuckled at the pout they turned his way, tugging at their hand to get them moving again. Thankfully Waterfall wasn't as deathly silent as everywhere else had been. The sound of water dripping into cracks and crevices and rushing over precipices was soothing, if a little eerie when not accompanied by the captured conversations of echo flowers. They continued through Sans' telescope room, which didn't actually contain a telescope at all. Maybe Sans had only come to Waterfall in the 'proper' timelines to watch over them, like he had promised. And since they'd stayed in Snowdin, he'd had no reason to go there. They frowned in contemplation. Did Sans actually work three sentry jobs and sell hot dogs(?), or had he just been keeping an eye on them? Or fallen asleep while trying to keep an eye on them, in one case. Maybe he'd done more for them than they'd thought. They looked at him now, staring placidly up at the crystals affixed to the ceiling, and felt something warm blossom inside of them. Guilt followed shortly after. He'd done all that for them, and they'd repaid him by resetting the timeline, over and over and over. But... had that even been a real Sans? Or was he like the others, just speaking the same lines over and over? They had a sudden, terrifying thought. What if one day, this timeline came to an end too, and they'd just do it all over again? No. They had to believe that this was the real one. This was real life, and it wasn't going to end. "you know, they should make glasses out of these stones." Frisk broke from their thoughts, staring over at the skeleton, who grinned in return. "then you'd be able to see crystal clear." Frisk's groan echoed throughout the cavern.

The rest of Waterfall was much of the same. It was all rushing water, wet mud, cold stone, and soaked boards. Frisk was monumentally relieved at the sight of snow, wasting no time in bounding forward and twirling through the gently falling flakes. They stuck out their tongue to catch a few... and froze, feeling intense deja vu, mixed with a spike of dread. Sans stared at them questioningly, and they said nothing. The walk into Snowdin seemed to take no time at all, but what they found took a little while to process. The town was practically lost amidst the snow. The tree that had marked the center of town had long been toppled and buried. The roof of the braylirb was caved in from the weight of the snow, and Grillby's was buried up to the windows. Snowed Inn and the general store were both inaccessible, but... the house that Frisk had spent so many months living in was exactly as it had always been. The masking tape roof held back a mere dusting of powdery snow, and all the Christmas lights blinked merrily.

Frisk shared a concerned look with Sans. "Should... should we go inside?"

"i dunno, kiddo. you think that flowey guy would go through the trouble of tidying the place up?"

"He's... not really an elaborate thinker. But he can travel to anywhere in the Underground, so... it's possible? At the end of my pacifist runs, he was always in the Ruins. Where I fell. But... maybe he got impatient? Would he know we were coming? Is he even alive? Who else could have done this?" Frisk frowned, trying to sift through possibilities in their head.

"now i know you're thinkin' too much. look, i think that between the two of us, we can take anything that might be creeping around inside. besides, i really need to take a load off." Sans yawned pointedly.

"..Okay. Yeah, alright. Let's... head inside. I'm pretty tired too." Physically, Frisk felt perfectly alright. But emotionally, they were feeling completely drained. They instinctively reached under the mat to retrieve the key, shoving it into the lock and opening the front door. They decided to pocket the key, just in case.

The inside of the house was completely dark. Everything was covered in a fine layer of dust, and the air was thick and musty, not to mention absolutely frigid. It wasn't like they'd left the heater on, or anything. Everything was exactly as they had left it. The couch was untouched, the pet rock table was where it had always been, and the holes in the kitchen wallpaper were still as goopy as ever. It was... eerie. Frisk hadn't expected to ever see this house again, but here they were. Standing in it as if nothing had changed. As if they'd never left the Underground. Only... it was missing something. The blare of MTTTV, the smell of cooking pasta, the shrieks of a goofy skeleton, the endless puns of a skeleton that pretended to be goofy. "boy, this place is sure givin' me chills." Okay, so maybe he was a little goofy. The door closed behind Sans with a resounding 'click, ka-THUNK'.

"I'm gonna need you to bone down on the puns, Sans." Frisk smiled as they recieved a low chuckle for their efforts, flicking on a light switch to eliminate some of the gloom. The bulbs flickered and buzzed for the first few moments, before burning just a little less brightly than they always had. "You think there's any pasta ingredients still hanging around?"

"knowing my brother, it's kind of a toss-up. either he cleared the whole place out, or he was so excited to go topside that he forgot about it." Sans paused, as if he'd forgotten something, then shrugged casually. "if not, we've still got some food in your bag."

Frisk made a noise of triumph as they found a box of spaghetti noodles and a jar of tomato sauce in the cabinets. They dumped a pot into the sink, and turned the handle... and nothing. The pipes had frozen over. They made a noise of defeat, slinking back into the living room with ingredients in hand. Sans had made himself at home on the couch, flipping through stations of color bars and static. "no luck?" Frisk shook their head sadly. "oh well. it's fine raw, too." Sans held out his hand without looking, and a jar of pasta sauce was placed in it. Frisk watched in disgust and fascination as he twisted off the lid, downing half the jar in only a few gulps. "hm. gourmet brand. my brother may be a terrible cook, but he has good taste."

Frisk nodded, crunching down on a handful of dry angel hair pasta. It stood no chance against the power of their overbite. The two ate for several long minutes, staring absently at the color bars station as they did so. Eventually, the day of travelling caught up to Sans, and he completely conked out, leaning against the arm of the couch and cradling the empty jar of sauce like a baby. Frisk smiled fondly, heading upstairs to retrieve some musty blankets from the non-transient linen closet. They settled a pair of throw pillows against his ribs, resting their head atop them as they pulled the blankets around the both of them. Frisk was asleep within moments.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You could see him, basking in the diluted sunlight that trickled down. You approached slowly, and called his name.

Asriel turned to meet your gaze, petals full and healthy. "Howdy!" He waved a paw in greeting, and you waved back. The air smelled of tea and cinnamon. "It's been a while since we've seen each other, huh, Frisk?" He laughed, as if he'd told the funniest joke in the world. You laughed too. It was SO funny, you couldn't stop. Tears streamed down your face. "Hey, don't cry, it was just a joke!" He snickered, and did not move.

*You told Asriel that you had meant to visit sooner.

"I'm sure you did, buddy!" His face morphed, caprine features melting into those of a smiling flower. "I've been waiting here a long time! What's it been... twelve years? Boy, time sure is a funny thing, huh?"

*You agree unhesitatingly.

"Always so agreeable, huh? Guess that's why you have so many friends!" Asriel cackled, vines ripping from the earth and twisting into crude imaginings of your friends and family. "You made them all so happy, Frisk! But... what about you? Are you REALLY happy with the ending you got? The one where everyone's going to leave you, and you'll be all alone again?"

*You nod, after a while.

"See? That's why you have so many friends! You're so easy to take advantage of, Frisk." Asriel leered, petals quivering in delight as he snaked around you, crooning into your ear. "You just do what everyone wants you to do. Everyone except for... them. Why didn't you listen to them, Frisk? Then you could have saved me! Like you'd always wanted to. And you wouldn't be alone anymore. You wouldn't be alone. Ever. Again. Just like you've always wanted." A tongue snaked around the shell of your ear, and the smell of plant matter invaded your senses. "I've been waiting, Frisk. Waiting for Chara. I know they're still in there, Frisk. ACHING to come out. To come back for me!" Asriel giggled, stroking leafy paws up your throat. "I've been waiting so long. I stared at the sun until the light started bleeding into my head. Hoping, straining, BURNING to go to them. I know they're alive, Frisk. I NEED to go to them. You just have to give them your soul, and we can all be together forever."

*Without willing it to, your SOUL emerges from your chest. It beats frantically, burning blood red.

"Chara, it's me! I've brought something special for you!" Asriel shrieked with glee, laughter bubbling from every orifice.

*Here comes Chara.

*Scarlet eyes stare into your own, and you shudder unwillingly.

Chara stepped forward without moving, and laughed without opening their mouth. Your SOUL was grasped in pale hands, thumping pathetically. They opened the Locket, and stuffed it inside. The clasp clicked shut.

*You gasp for breath, feeling your heart stop instantaneously.

" **Such a good little vessel** ," they praised mockingly, flowers depressing under unmoving feet. " **I just wish you'd listened sooner. Oh well. Can't change the past, right**?" Asriel cackled incessantly as Chara leaned in, and cold, dead lips brushed against your own.

*Tastes like bones.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Frisk's screams echoed inside their head as they woke. Sans jerked awake, sitting up so fast that his skull cracked against theirs. They both made a noise of pain, and flinched in opposite directions.

"shit, kid. should've warned me that you were a screamer." Frisk didn't laugh. They shuddered out a breath, sniffling and wiping at the tears they'd just realized were on their face. "hey, it's... everything's alright." Sans scooted across the couch, wrapping a bony arm around trembling shoulders. "should we talk about this one?" Frisk shook their head twice. "okay. okay, that's fine. let's just..." Frisk had their head gently lowered onto a sharp shoulder, cushioned by three layers of clothing. Despite the discomfort, they relished the closeness.

"...Sorry I woke you," Frisk muttered, feeling almost embarrassed about their reaction to the dream.

"you don't got a single thing to be sorry about, pal." Sans gave them a gentle squeeze, and they gratefully leaned into him.

"...I think we should go. I don't want to be here anymore." Frisk reluctantly pulled away, getting up off the couch and gathering up the backpack they'd flung on the floor.

"yeah, good idea. best to leave this old place in the past." Sans gave the couch a pat as he stood, knees creaking and cracking. "geez, i feel like an old geezer. gettin' too old to be runnin' around, engaging in all that tomfoolery you young people are so fond of."

Frisk giggled, just a little. "C'mon, old man. Let's finish our business, and then you can watch some public access before bed."

"not gonna lie, that actually sounds pretty great right about now." Frisk laughed more genuinely, bumping an elbow against Sans as they headed out the front door. Frisk clenched a fist around the key in their pocket, before deciding to leave well enough alone. They slipped it back under the mat. The thought that someday, someone else might make this their home filled them with determination. They stared up at the empty house for a moment, and then set off through the buried Snowdin with Sans at their side.

The rest of ice... place, passed in a blur of snow coated trees and.. more snow. The only sound that accompanied was the crunch of, you guessed it, snow. The only break in the monotony was the sight of deactivated puzzles that had been abandoned by their creator after being completed. Frisk had the vague impulse to try and complete one, even though they knew the solutions. Mostly. That Junior Jumble was still utterly unsolvable. "you know, icy a glaring flaw with this place; there's snow originality." Sans' puns weren't helping very much. They were... a little irritating, honestly. Frisk would have preferred the silence at this point. But they said nothing, instead walking briskly through the freezing cold, barely even feeling it prickle against their skin. Eventually, they made it up to Sans' first sentry post. The skeleton gazed at it with a mixture of nostalgia and bitterness, which was apparent upon his face. Frisk wasn't really sure how they read him so easily, considering his unchanging grin. His eyes weren't much help, either, considering they were just lidded sockets. But, then again... nothing really made sense, did it? Everything just... happened, without reason. It was infuriating. They just wanted one thing in their life to make some semblance of sense, just once. It was the people around them that made the least sense, really. And the most noise. So much noise, so little sense. Frisk just... just wanted quiet. Wanted everything to stop. Wanted to be alone. They ground to a halt, barely registering the emergence of their soul. It shone a dark, familiar red. "you know... if you'd told me i'd be meeting a human here, on that day... i wood-n't believe you." Sans huffed a breath of laughter, and turned to gauge Frisk's reaction. "...kiddo? c'mon, i know it wasn't the best-"

"I really don't want to talk right now, Sans." Frisk's voice was flat and void of any emotion other than mild annoyance.

Sans was dumbstruck for a few moments. "uh... yeah, sure. that's fine. are you... alrig-"

" **You're still talking**." Frisk spoke uncomfortably loud, a stark contrast to their normal, subdued manner of speech. They enunciated every word oddly, as if they weren't used to speaking. Clearly not looking for a response, they continued forward, across the bridge that lead into the deadwood. Sans said nothing, as requested. He simply trailed along behind them, trying to figure out what was wrong. The path through the dead forest was long, but it was straightforward and free of obstacles. With Frisk's quick pace and Sans' liberal use of shortcuts, they were making good time. The skeleton had never really thought about it before, but this place was... unsettling. They were surrounded on either side by what seemed like endless trees, dead and blackened from the cold. It was... claustrophobic. Sans quickened his pace, feeling a crawling dread when he peered into the gaps between the trees. He couldn't have been more relieved than when they found the door to the Ruins, left half open by Toriel. Frisk slipped inside without a word, and Sans followed suit.

A lonely patch of grass stood before them, illuminated by a hole in the ceiling that let in a sliver of sunlight. What time was it? Sans had grown so used to being able to tell if it was night or day without having to check a clock that the passage of time Underground seemed.. hard to follow. He was torn from his thoughts by the sound of retreating footsteps, and he hurried to follow the human leading him. Now that they were beyond territory that he was familiar with, he felt... reliant. Sans wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not. They traveled through a long, winding hallway, and ascended a set of steps...

...Into Home. "huh. so this was toriel's place? looks... a lot like asgore's. guess they have similar interior decorating styles. i'm sure i could think of a housing pun-"

"I'm going to lie down." Frisk didn't wait for him to say anything back. They simply turned down the hallway, and disappeared in a door off to the left. Sans watched them leave, sweat beading down his skull. That crawling sensation was still on his spine.

Frisk wandered into the bedroom Toriel had given them, so long ago. They moved almost automatically, like they weren't fully in control. What a silly thought. They stepped inside, and brushed their fingers along the top of the shelf where that old photo frame had once been. Still dusty.They settled at the edge of what they assumed was his old bed, lying amongst bare sheets. The hand knit quilt had been taken, apparently. They could still remember the day Toriel had made one just for them. It was... so quiet, here. Just like they'd always wanted. Despite having slept not too long ago, unconsciousness claimed them once more.

Sans had done a bit of exploring of his own, wandering into what he assumed was Toriel's bedroom. It was empty of everything that wasn't furniture, or a lone potted cactus. He could have sworn he'd seen it blushing out of the corner of his eye... What a lonely place this must have been, sequestered away in the ruins of Home. At least he'd always had his brother down here, even before Snowdin. Back when..-The sound of loud clattering echoed from the kitchen, and Sans was jerked from his thoughts. It had to have been Frisk; there was nobody else here, after all. Pretty short lie down. He yawned on his way out of the emptied bedroom, slippers muffling his footsteps as he crept through the sitting room. He almost felt like he was in a horror movie, creeping up as he watched the shadow of Frisk rummage through the kitchen. What a silly thought.

"hey, kiddo. lookin' for somethin'?" He watched them freeze up, hunched over a silverware drawer. They were still for a long moment, before carefully shrugging one shoulder up and down. "still not feeling conversational? that's fine. maybe i can help you find whatever you're lookin' for?" They shook their head near instantaneously. "okay, okay. i'll just... stand here and make kitchen puns, then. not like i've got anything better to do." Sans cleared his throat theatrically. "i'm really not sure what you're lookin' for, but i am sure that dishes a waste of time. pot to say that what you're doing isn't important, but we've got bigger veggies to stir-fry." Not a peep. "...okay, not in the mood for puns. that's alright. can't always be one hundo percento all the time, can we?" They resumed digging through the drawers. Sans felt a bead of sweat trickle down the side of his skull. "we really should be goin', kiddo. we've gotta get back before everyone starts to worry. trust me, we do NOT want papyrus to freak out because we were late. he'll be breathing down our necks for a week. literally. one time i came home late from grillby's, and he followed me around for four days. didn't even see him blink the entire time. i always knew he was a worrywart, but jeez, talk about-"

" **Be quiet, Sans**." Frisk spoke again in that peculiar way, loud and awkward. They had apparently found what they were looking for, because they removed their hands from one of the disheveled drawers. Sans felt his breathing hitch when he saw the kitchen knife. Dulled by years of use, it was probably only good for cutting pies. But in the right hands...

"...say, kiddo, what do you need that for, anyway? it, uh... you're not gonna kill that flowey guy, right? i didn't think that was your modus operandi."

" **It's just a little insurance, in case something goes wrong. It never hurts to be prepared, right**?" Sans felt a chill wrack his spine.

"uh... i, guess that makes sense. but seriously, you've never hurt anyone before. except for.. yeah. why would you... is somethin' wrong, frisk? like, really wrong? you've been acting kinda odd since snowdin. hell, since we first came back to the underground." Sans moved forward, reaching out to put a hand on their shoulder-

Frisk turned slowly, peering at the skeleton with soulful brown eyes. "Let's just do what we have to, okay? Then everything will be alright." They spoke in a whisper, and quirked a tiny smile at him.

"...yeah. yeah, okay. lead the way, kiddo."

The door to Home clicked shut with resounding finality.


	71. Best Friends Forever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You'll never be alone again.

The Ruins were dead silent. Sans couldn't hear anything other than quiet breaths, and sharp footsteps. The paltry sounds bounced off the crumbling walls, creating an empty melody that chilled his bones. The path was crumbling and unstable, but the human seemed aware of any weakness in the floor, stepping and hopping to the most intact patches of floor. Sans followed suit as best he could, making use of shortcuts for jumps. He could barely even remember the last time he'd actually jumped. Hell, he couldn't remember the last time he'd done this much walking. Or so little talking. But... Frisk wanted him to be quiet, so he obliged. He'd have to wheedle his way into figuring out what was wrong at some point, but it could probably wait until after they made it to the end of the Ruins. Or.. the beginning, rather. They just seemed to stretch on forever. Rooms upon rooms upon empty rooms, containing no sign of that 'Flowey' guy. Hopefully Frisk was right about him being here, if they weren't lucky enough for him to just be dead. Sans couldn't imagine what kind of havoc a creature like that could wreak up on the surface. Or, rather, the issue was that he could very clearly imagine what it might do. Kill humans, collect their souls, destroy the world. That sorta schtick. Sans didn't find the idea particularly humerous. Nothing was very funny, right now.   
  
"say, kiddo. any idea when we'll be gettin' there?" Sans wobbled on one foot as he stepped around a particularly crumbly bit of flooring, unwilling to find out what waited below it.   
  
"Patience is a virtue," they recited, as if reading it off a piece of paper. Their voice was still... slightly loud, in a way that concerned him. Maybe they just wanted to fill the silence? But then, why would they ask him to hold off on his amazing jokes? Sans forced down the dread welling up within him. Everything was fine. They'd find this Flowey guy, do... whatever they had to, and then they'd go back home and everything would be. Just. Fine.   
  
" **We're here.** " Their voice echoed strangely, sounding distorted and warped by the time it finished reverberating. The pair stood before an intricate looking doorway, and Frisk stepped through before Sans could say anything. He hurried afterwards, emerging into a cavern so dark that it appeared as if it were nothing but void, lit only by a meager patch of sunlight that managed to squeeze through a crack in the ceiling. Frisk's shoes crunched through a patch of dry grass, and clicked against the rough stone beyond. Sans had no choice but to follow.   
  
They saw him, basking in the meager rays that managed to spill into the Underground from the world above. The golden mound he rested atop almost seemed to glow. His petals hung limp and tattered, and his entire posture screamed exhaustion. They called his name.   
  
"...Howdy, friends! Boy, you've sure come a long way just to see little ol' me, huh?" Flowey giggled loudly, turning to grin cheerfully at them. "Hiya, Sans! It's been a real long time since we've seen each other. Of course, you wouldn't remember that, would you?"   
  
"yeah, i remember you getting totally owned by undyne. good times." Sans cracked his knuckles, and grinned at the flower with the same false cheer. "so frisk, what are we doin' with this guy? a little dangerous to just leave him here unsupervised, don't you think?"   
  
The golden flower bobbed up and down to an unheard tune. "Oh, you're so silly! You think I've just been here all by my lonesome? Not a chance! I've actually had someone veeery special keeping me company. Isn't that right, 'Frisk'?"   
  
Sans' grin slipped, held on his face only by the lack of facial muscles. "...the hell are you talkin' about? we're the only ones here." He turned a look on the statuesque human, wondering why they hadn't said anything yet. "hey, bud, you alright? you wanna.. head back, and let me take care of this guy?"   
  
" **Don't worry, Sans.** " That was not their voice. That was not their posture. Sans slid back a step, sweat trailing down his skull. Frisk turned to look at him. Their eyes were red, red, RED. " **I've been taking VERY good care of him.** " Chara laughed like they'd told the funniest joke in the world. It was SO funny, tears started building in Sans' sockets.   
  
"What's wrong, Sansy? You look upset about something. Why don't you tell your old friend Flowey all about it?" The flower winked at him, and then vines upon vines were ripping out of the earth, covered in thorns and tearing up the stone and circling around and around-  
  
-Sans shortcutted out of the way of a whipping vine, not even flinching as it tore into the cavern wall where he'd been previously standing. "is that the best you've got? you'll have to try a little harder than that." His hand flashed up, eye blazing with raw magic as he grasped the flower's soul- as he grasped the flower's soul-... "...huh. oh well." Several dozen thorned vines carved into the section of floor he had been standing on, and he retaliated with a roaring tsunami of bones. A wall of plant matter stemmed the tide, but only just.   
  
"Silly Sans, I guess Frisk didn't tell you that I don't have a SOUL! Guess those blue attacks are preeeetty useless, huh?" The flower chirped in that irritatingly chipper voice of his, vines snapping and undulating like tendrils as they tore apart the room, stone practically melting away under their touch. Flowey giggled as a gaster blaster flashed into existence, absolutely vaporizing a chunk of his main stem. "Boy, that tickled! C'mon, Sansy! Give me another!" He twisted and writhed through the air like the head of a serpent, his stem spilling gushes of chlorophyll even as it knitted back together. Flowey's face melted into a slavering maw, thick fangs soaked with saliva from a lolling tongue. "I CAN'T WAIT TO HAVE YOUR SOUL INSIDE OF ME."   
  
"boy, what a funny joke. patella-nother one, why don't you? we both know monster souls don't persist after death-" Sans' next attack was halted before it could begin as a knife slashed across his back. Flowey cackled as the skeleton froze up, pain thrumming through him as the Killing Intent behind the blow reverberated in his very bones.   
  
*Sans. 510/635 HP.   
  
"boy, neglecting that LV sure is biting you in the ass, huh?" He caught a glimpse of Chara coming in for another blow before he easily stepped out of the way, reappearing on top of one of the thicker vines that encircled their little battle ground. "hey, how ya doin'," he winked at a stunned Flowey, who snarled and lunged for him with dagger-like teeth before he reappeared on the ground.   
  
"Chaaraaaaa," the flower whined pathetically. "You didn't tell me he'd have more HP! How am I supposed to kill him now?" His vines continued whipping and cracking in an endless rhythm, which Sans avoided seemingly without effort.   
  
" **He can't dodge forever.** " Not a very wordy one, that Chara. Sans made sure to keep a close eye on them as he practically danced around Flowey's endless stream of vines and bullets, and also made sure to avoid hitting them with any of his attacks. He wasn't sure how Karmic Retribution worked on a body possessed by someone that presumably had a lot of LV when they were alive. He didn't know if Flowey had killed anyone in this timeline, but Sans' Killing Intent seemed to be working well enough, if the flower's numerous wounds were anything to go by.   
  
"boy, you two sure are somethin'. a wimpy flower and some dead weirdo inhabiting a body with no LV. sounds like a real dream team to me. what are you even getting out of this, anyway? you've gotta have some big villainous scheme that you can cackle about."   
  
" **We're going to destroy this worthless world.** " Chara came at him, again and again. That knife carved through the air a dozen times in a row, always missing by a mile. They moved with the same sureness that he remembered from reliving (preliving?) the fight with them. But even with Frisk's bolstered Determination, they were still too weak, too sluggish. The lack of LV crippled them to the point that he could easily take them out, even without Karmic Retribution. He'd have done it already, if he knew for certain that Frisk would just revert to their last SAVE. But that wasn't a chance he was willing to take. Maybe, if he killed this obnoxious flower, he'd be able to help Frisk overcome Chara somehow. Maybe distance would do the trick? Their odd behavior had started on the way out of Snowdin, and had only increased the closer they got to the Ruins. Yeah. Okay, he had a plan. Kill Flowey, get Frisk the hell out of the Underground, celebrate with burgers. That was assuming he could even kill this weed. It didn't seem to have any sort of HP bar, and all his attacks left temporary wounds. Well, if he cut off the head... Sans blatantly broke the rules of fair FIGHTing, manifesting a cage of blue bones around Flowey's cackling face. The flower recoiled, trying to escape-and was utterly melted by the lack of invincibility frames. His miles of vines turned black and withered, dissolving into a thick, inky substance.   
  
"boy, that was anticlimactic. guess it's just you and me now, huh?" Sans sidestepped around a lunging knife, hand snapping up to turn a blood red SOUL blue. Chara was forced to the ground with a thud, the knife clutched tightly in trembling hands. "so, why don't we have a little chat, you and i? what do you want." He grinned unsettlingly at the body before him, and Chara bared their stolen teeth.   
  
" **I'll use their SOUL to come back, and destroy this world. Humans, monsters... they'll all be powder."**

"yeah, that's about as stupid as i thought it'd be. how about, instead of that, i take frisk with me out of the underground and leave you to rot? good plan? i thought so too."   
  
" **I can't wait to taste your dust with my own tongue."** Chara smiled sweetly up at him, and the world snapped out of existence-  
  
  
  
-Sans stared fondly as Frisk tucked their old house key under the mat, giving it a little pat before standing up straight. He graciously offered one hand, the other sweeping out in a bow, and they took it with a giggle. "and they said chivalry was dead. well, maybe it is; i am a skeleton, after all." He grinned as he received a redoubling of laughter, 'helping' them down the front step. "ready to go, kiddo?" They nodded firmly, squeezing his hand as they tugged him through the buried town. "woah, hey, slow down, these legs only go one speed. here's a hint; that speed isn't very fast."   
  
"Would you rather I carried you?" Frisk teased, sticking out their tongue. Thankfully, they did actually slow down a little.    
  
"better be careful, or i'll take you up on that offer." He breathed a sigh of relief as his legs were given a bit of a break. "this place sure is eerie without annoying teenagers jumping out at you, huh?"   
  
"You had that too?" Frisk questioned, seeming surprised. "I thought I was the only one."   
  
"nah, we all had to deal with it. mediocre comedians and hat enthusiasts were practically spilling out of the trees at all hours." Sans glanced to the side, and caught a flash of... something, in between the trees. "hey, did you see somethi-"   
  
Frisk found their hand empty of all but dust. Time seemed to grind to a halt as they turned, staring at a group of vines as thick as a tree trunk that had embedded themselves in the snow, right through... a blue jacket. Floating above the jacket was a monster soul, so pale a blue that it was nearly white. It quivered in the air as Frisk reached towards it, almost in a trance-  
  
-And then lost the tips of two fingers as a gaping maw of razor sharp teeth snapped around the splintering soul. They stared, numb, as a twisted mockery of a face turned towards them, and it laughed, laughed, LAUGHED. "Howdy, Frisk!" Vines erupted from the hard packed snow underfoot, and Frisk barely managed to roll out of the way of them. They clutched a heavily bleeding hand to their chest, eyes unfocused as they gazed upon the altered form of Flowey; a serpent of thorns and vines, with a face that resembled nothing more than a roiling mass of teeth and eyes.   
  
"S..Sans?" They whispered, not even noticing as their SOUL beat out of their chest. It trembled and flashed, the light it normally gave off flickering weakly.   
  
"Sorry, Frisk, but smiley trashbag is done for! Mmn, but his SOUL sure is tasty! I almost want to do this again, just to get another taste!" Flowey hovered around them, his serpentine body emerging from the ground several yards away. "Mn, it feels so good to have a proper SOUL inside me again! All this powdered stuff leaves a bad taste in my mouth, you know what I mean?" The... creature, giggled and swayed back and forth, circling around and around the numbed human. "You probably thought I was dead, huh? Nope! I was just biding my time. A spear to the face really smarts! I had to wait a long time before I could move again. And once I could... golly, but was I busy! Gathering every last scrap of the six human SOULs... it's a lot of work, you know!"   
  
"Y...you killed him..." Frisk attempted to back away, only to be gently nudged forward by a twisted cord of vines. Their sweater was stained with blood. "Y-you... but the SOULs-Asgore used them-"  
  
  
"To break the barrier? Well, duh! I was there, ya'know. Doesn't mean there wasn't anything left! When a monster dies, they leave behind their essence. It's all that remains of their SOUL. So, I figured, 'hey, maybe it works like that with human SOULs, too'! And boy was I excited to see that I was right! I gathered up every last little bit, and brought it back to them... but it just wasn't enough to form a full human SOUL. But it was enough to reawaken them, and It sure was nice to see them after so long. Chara told me everything about what you've been up to, and you sure have been busy! They also came up with this neat little plan. Chara is so smart, aren't they? I dunno if they'd want you hearing about everything, but I'm just so excited that I could burst!" Flowey tightened a coil of plant matter around Frisk's chest, squeezing tight. They wheezed for breath, clawing futilely at the vines with their uninjured hand. Flowey leaned in close, until his myriad of blinking eyes and gaping, drooling maw were inches from Frisk's face. "It's rude not to respond when someone is talking to you, ya'know. Makes them think you're not paying attention!" He squeezed until Frisk felt something crack, tears of pain budding in the corners of their eyes. "C'mon, Frisk. I can feel again! That's big news, you know. You should be just as excited as I am!"   
  
"W-why can you feel again?" Frisk choked out, trying to slip their intact fingers under the vines to loosen them.   
  
"It's simple, really! I have little bits of Chara's essence, deeeeep inside of me. Just like you do! Because of them I could feel again, even if it was only a little. But then, you and that stupid comedian showed up, and things didn't go so well! So this time, Chara had me absorb the human SOUL essence. Golly, but did that feel neato! But I still wasn't complete. I needed a proper monster SOUL inside of me, so that I could feel like myself again." Flowey leaned so close that they were practically touching. "And now that I do..."   
  
Frisk was dropped carelessly into the snow, and they wasted no time in curling up and gasping for air, clutching at their severed fingertips to stem the bloodflow. A shadow loomed over them, but they were too busy trying to breathe to look up at it. A hand entered their field of vision, furry, clawed fingers twisting in their hair and lifting them off the ground. They cried out, peering at the blurry form holding them aloft. "Wow. It sure is great to be me again. I was so sick of being a flower." A fuzzy face stared into their own, one of white fur, slitted eyes, jutting fangs, and childish wonder. "I forgot how nice it was to feel things. I bet you're feeling a whole lot right now, huh, Frisk?" A furry, powerful hand grasped them around the throat, applying pressure to their jugular with a thumb. "I can feel your blood, Frisk. Pumping inside of you. I wonder what it tastes like...?" Asriel opened his maw, tongue lolling out. Frisk loaded their last save-  
  
-termination. Frisk's eyes widened as memories flooded into their head. "Sans, we have to leave! Shortcut us out of here!" Frisk grabbed the skeleton by the hand, dragging him back towards the path to Waterfall.   
  
Sans looked entirely bewildered, but didn't question things. "you got it, frisk." He took point, leading them behind a nearby tree-  
  
-to reappear in MTT Resort's restaurant. Splinters of wood fell to the floor around them, and Frisk wasted no time in running them through the main lobby. Their heart pounded in their ears, Sans wheezing for air as he struggled to keep up. "m-mind explaining things, kiddo?"   
  
"Flowey, he's alive and he's got some kind of human SOUL essence in him, we can't fight him alone we have to get out of here-" Frisk shrieked as a vine as thick as a tree trunk erupted out of the memorial fountain with explosive force, showering the room with fragments of marble. It split apart into dozens of smaller vines, all of them twitching and undulating as they reached for the pair-  
  
-who appeared on the front steps of New Home. Sans stumbled and fell to his knees, sweat dripping down his skull. "that's about all i got in me, kiddo. you'd better have some kinda plan."   
  
"I-I think I do." Frisk hefted the exhausted skeleton over their shoulder, barging in through the front door of New Home and sprinting down the hall into the first bedroom. They kicked the lids off the pair of presents, taking care to secure the Heart Locket around Sans' neck before grasping the Worn Dagger in their free hand. They wasted no time in exiting the house, taking the stairs down two at a time. The only sounds were that of their combined breathing, Frisk's footsteps, and a faint, ominous rumbling. Soon enough they emerged outside, and Frisk glanced over the walkway at the city below-to find it absolutely encased in vines. Thousands of them, miles and miles of plant matter wrapping around buildings and looping through windows and crawling up the side of the castle. Buildings crumbled and imploded as vines constricted around them, showering the city in waves of dust. Frisk squeezed their eyes shut, and barreled through into the unlit Hall of Judgement-  
  
-and then their eyes snapped open as dozens of wire thin vines began drilling through the ceiling. They dove out of the way of one, but it was too little, too late. The vine cut through the flesh of their arm like a white hot steak knife, hacking off a strip of flesh and eliciting a pained scream. Frisk and Sans spilled to the floor, the skeleton scrabbling for purchase to avoid being diced while the human tried to clutch at their arm, crying out when they touched it. "frisk, shit, okay c'mon buddy, you're gonna be okay, we gotta go-" He grabbed them by the uninjured arm, trying not to look at the blood spilling down their side, and shortcutted them to the end of the hall. "c'mon, you need to get up, we need to leave." Frisk barely registered the bony hands pulling at them, mind in shambles from the liquid agony of their arm. "frisk, frisk i can't do this without you, buddy. we gotta go, we'll fix you up i promise but we need to leave." The human turned their blurry gaze upwards, finding Sans producing razor sharp whirls of bone to cut through the vines before they could be impaled. He glanced downward, grinning desperately when he saw their mostly focused gaze. "okay, okay up and at 'em, we can make it outta here, we just need to hurry-" Cackling laughter rang out from the other end of the hallway, and it was enough to get Frisk off the floor. They felt dizzy and lightheaded, blood trickling freely down their arm as they stumbled towards the throne room with Sans at their side. The entire castle shook and groaned as it was assaulted by thousands upon thousands of Flowey's vines, digging into the foundations and cutting through load bearing pillars and walls. The throne room was almost completely pitch black, the majority of the natural light cut off by an ocean of plant matter. Thicker, sturdier vines crept in through the holes in the ceiling, burrowing down and into the floor in an attempt to skewer them. Sans cut through any that got too close, sending them reeling backwards. They were both splattered with chlorophyll when they emerged in the basement, and they were so close to the surface entrance-  
  
"you're doin' great, kiddo, even undyne wouldn't be able to get this far, c'mon we're almost there we can make it-" Frisk listened with half an ear to Sans' babbled stream of encouragement, finding that it did little to cut through their haze of pain and fear. They hadn't been afraid like this in a long time. They'd be more invigorated if the lives of all their friends and family weren't in danger. But then, they made it. Streams of afternoon sunlight trickled through the doorway, and the smell of fresh air cut through the stifling must and stink of plant matter. Frisk tugged the skeleton behind them as they ran, ran as fast as they could, and emerged into the outside world-  
  
-"Boy, you really made it! Well, color me impressed. Too bad this is as far as you're gonna go, huh?" Flowey writhed in the air before them, the setting sun at his back. He laughed and laughed, vines like steel cables erupted from the earth below, cutting off the entrance to the Underground and the path down the mountain. "Y'know, Frisk, it was really rude to LOAD on me the way you did. We didn't even get to have any fun! But that's okay, because if you LOAD again, we can keep having fun like we are now! Cuz' guess what, Frisk? I REMEMBER!" The slavering orifice of whirling teeth stretched up into a grin, a score of bulging eyeballs all blinking at Frisk asynchronously. "With Chara's influence, your extra Determination won't make me forget your LOADs anymore, you big cheater! So, go ahead and LOAD... we'll just keep doing this forever and ever and E  V  E  R."   
  
"listen, bud. you sure talk a good game, but clearly all we need-" Sans disappeared on the spot, just as tree trunk thick vines slammed into the earth where he was standing. "fucking. rude," the skeleton growled, standing somewhere to the left. "someone needs to teach you some manners." His hand flashed up and he caught the swirl of SOUL essence inside of Flowey, grasping and squeezing before the plant monster could retaliate. He whipped his arm around, slamming the horrifying visage of Flowey into the cliff face. He crashed the serpentine flower into the ground, carving a groove in the earth with his howling maw, before flinging him into one of the walls of vines he'd erected. The dagger-like thorns tore into Flowey's main body, ripping and cutting as Sans slowly dragged and grated the monolithic abomination. He carelessly tossed Flowey through the air, and right into a crisscrossing gauntlet of light-blue bones. They carved burning grooves in the length of plant matter, leaving singed, blackened gouges behind. The SOUL powered monstrosity wailed, and was instantly silenced as a trio of gaster blasters burned gaping holes through it with white hot beams of pure energy. The towering serpent fell to the ground with an earth rumbling thud, composed more of wounds than actual plant matter. "your tur-" Sans words went unfinished as he exploded into a cloud of dust, ripped apart by hundreds of vines in an instant. Flowey's battered body lunged forward, devouring the fragile SOUL that emerged before it could shatter.   
  
"Guess that makes me the winner again, huh? You need to step up your game, Sans!" Asriel laughed joyfully as he hovered just off the ground, floating before a frozen Frisk. "I can feel him, you know. Inside of me. He really cared about you, Frisk! Emphasis on 'cared'." He made a noise of surprise as a worn dagger was suddenly buried in his gut, wielded by a trembling Frisk.   
  
*Asriel Dreemurr. 39985/40000 HP.   
  
"Golly, I almost felt that one! Looks like you just don't have a single killing bone in your body, huh? Not without Chara helping you along." Asriel watched in amusement as Frisk sliced at him again and again, leaving tiny scratches behind with every blow. They continued slicing until they couldn't keep their arm up, the dagger dropping from limp fingers. Frisk fell to their knees in the dirt, tears streaming down their face. "Aw, c'mon, don't cry! Sans wouldn't want you to cry over him. I think I would know." Asriel shuffled from foot to foot despite not touching the ground, watching as the human devolved into choked little sobs. "Geez, and I thought I was a crybaby. If you're so upset, why don't you just run back to your SAVE file and watch me kill him again? It's inevitable. It isn't gonna stop. This is the way things are meant to go." Asriel reached down-  
  
-termination. "Sans, we have to get to the castle now!" Frisk practically screamed, and their sheer panic had Sans shortcutting them on the spot. They appeared at the top of the steps to the basement of New Home, the skeleton swaying on the spot before Frisk looped an arm around his to steady him. They tore down the stairs, nearly tripping and falling several times, and Frisk chanced a glance out over the city. It looked as abandoned and lifeless as it had when they'd first ventured back down here. Frisk almost breathed a sigh of relief as they entered the Hall of Judgement, looking up into red, red, RED.   
  
**"You know this isn't going to work, right? As annoying as that flower is, he can at least see the inevitable.** " Chara stood before them, partially translucent but still more real than anything they had ever seen. Frisk stumbled backwards, trying to form words. They glanced back at Sans, only to find him frozen in mid run. **"I didn't want interruptions."** Frisk stared at what could have been their twin, if not for the lighter hair, paler skin, and bright red eyes. " **You're doing more harm than good. This timeline... whatever you did to make it, it's coming undone. It's fracture-"**  
  
A second Chara appeared on the left, young and innocent looking. " **Fracture-"**  
  
A third, mangled and twisted with a face melting into a thick, tarry substance. " **Fracturing."**  
  
Their doppelganger stepped forward, cupping Frisk's face in one hand. It felt like an icy breeze brushing against their cheek. "W-what do you mean?"   
  
**"I see everything you do, Frisk. That extra Determination, it's given you powers beyond even mine. As expected, you used them carelessly. Constant LOADs and RESETs take a toll. The old timeline... it would have shattered into nothing if you had kept it up. A pity you performed a TRUE RESET when you did. But creating an unstable timeline of your own has lead to the same fate. You have three options. You can keep LOADing, hoping that Sans will defeat Asriel, and destroy the timeline in the process. You can give your SOUL to me, and let me erase this world for good. Or you can perform a TRUE RESET, and hope your next timeline is more favorable."** Chara smiled, leaning close enough to touch. " **I'm sure you know which option I'd rather you choose, but I'll leave it up to you. Besides, we both know you can't escape your fate forever. One day, everything will end."** Chara brushed their lips against Frisk's. It tasted like buttercups.   
  
"-hell are you just standin' there for? don't we need to leave? you still haven't provided much explanation, by the way." Sans tugged at the human's hand, dragging them forward half a step as he stared at them in concern.   
  
"...I'm sorry. If we go out there, if we stay here... Flowey will kill you. I can't let that happen." Frisk smiled down at the bewildered skeleton, tears pouring down their face in streams. "I-I'm sorry. I love you, Sans."   
  
"kid, what are you talkin' about? what are you planning to do? frisk, answer m-" The world went dark. Two buttons hovered in the air, one reading LOAD and one reading TRUE RESET. Frisk could see still images of all their friends, fake and pixelated. They glanced up at their SAVE file.   
  
Frisk LV1 9999:99  
New Home: Hall of Judgement  
  
Frisk choked on their next breath, and hit the-  
  
\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Frisk awoke on a bed of golden flowers.   
  
  



	72. Same Places, Same Faces

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time marches on, in a different direction.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things get sad, but humor will return eventually.

Frisk sat there for hours. They stared up through the hole in the ceiling until the sunlight faded, and they cried until they had no more tears left to spill. Crying wasn't going to undo what they had done, anyway. Nothing would. All their SAVE files were erased; there was no going back and pretending that everything would be fine. There was no prolonging of the inevitable. There was only moving forward. There was only this, for all eternity. Or until they died, at least. Frisk vaguely wondered what would happen if they got too old for their body to sustain itself. Would they just keep coming back to their SAVE points, brought back from the brink only to tip over the edge, again and again? They smiled, just a little. What a morbid thought. Frisk sighed and brushed a hand through their hair, rising up from the bed of flowers. They felt stiff, and worn to the bone. It had only been a few hours, but their chest ached at the thought of having nobody to share awful puns with ever again. Nobody that was real, at least. Unless this timeline was one of their own creation, as well. What a nice thought. 

"Hey, buddy! Watch where you're stepping!" Snapped a high pitched voice, from somewhere below. Frisk peered downwards at a golden, scowling flower. A scowling flower that soon stopped scowling, nervously sliding a cheerful grin into place. "I-I mean, uh... howdy do, howdy hey! It's wonderful to welcome you today... to the Underground! Hooray!" Flowey jazzed his leaves outwards, confetti exploding outwards from his petals. "Oh geez, how rude of me, not introducing myself. I'm Flowey! Flowey the Flower!" Flowey directed a sweet little grin up at the human, and it went unseen as they stepped right past him. "...What. Hey, where are you going? D-don't you... want to know about where you are?" 

"I'll figure it out," Frisk replied dully, moving on into the next room- only for Flowey to pop up in front of them, and block the exit. 

"Pal. Buddy. Chum. I know this has gotta be a... confusing experience. I'm sure you're all out of sorts, right now. So, I'll graciously extend my offer to share a few tips and tricks about surviving down here. How's that sound?" Frisk stared, mildly intrigued by Flowey's wide range of body language, despite only having a head, a stem, and two leaves to gesture with. Flowey continued grinning and posing up at them, leaves trembling slightly. Frisk couldn't tell if it was from rage or exertion. "...This is your cue to respond. You're, uh... all there, aren't you, friend?" 

Frisk said nothing in return. They simply stepped over him, and moved on into the next room- only for their SOUL to spontaneously emerge from their chest. They instinctively ducked, narrowly avoiding a wave of 'Friendliness Pellets' Flowey had sent after them. They turned back, staring placidly. This was new, but it was too early to get their hopes up. 

"Wait a minute... you know what's going on here, don't you?" Flowey accused, his cheery facade sloughing off into a twisted scowl. "Looks like we'll just have to do things the hard way, huh? Well... hard for you, at least." A circle of bullets formed-

-Frisk stepped into the next room, SOUL phasing back into their chest. Still as annoying as ever. Just as they were preparing to make their SAVE point, a quartet of vines snaked out of the ground, lashing out to wrap around their wrists and ankles. Frisk started, eyes wide, and immediately began struggling against their bonds, much to the amusement of an emerging Flowey. "What, did you REALLY think I was just gonna let you go? Friend, pal... Y O U R S O U L I S M I N E!!" Flowey cackled and produced another circle of bullets, slowly closing them in on Frisk's rapidly thumping SOUL-only for them to be disippated by a protective circle of fireballs. "...Wha-" Flowey cried out as he was thrown aside by a larger fireball, his vines slithering back into the floor as the bested flower disappeared into the ground.

"My, what a terrible creature, tormenting such a poor, innocent... You are not a child." Toriel stared down at them, only just, her look of motherly concern washing away. "...You should not be here." 

Frisk rubbed at their raw wrists, meeting Toriel's cool gaze for a split second before cringing and turning away. The lack of recognition in her eyes... "I-I'm sorry... I didn't mean to... trespass." This was a worrying variable. Without the allowances they got for looking like a child, things might be... difficult. 

Toriel stared at them, and her hardened gaze softened, just slightly. "...You do not need to fear me. I wish you no harm. But if you do anything to harm the monsters that live here..." Toriel let her threat hang, unspoken. 

"I-I understand." Frisk kept things short, and direct. They reminded themself not to say anything incriminating or preternatural. They had to disassociate these people from the friends and family that they'd had for almost two years. Frisk's face almost crumpled. "Is there... a way out, of here?" Their misery must have slipped, for Toriel's gaze softened further. 

"Yes, there is. I will lead you to it." Likely trying to keep an eye on them, but they appreciated the accompaniment nonetheless. "Welcome, to the Ruins. The remains of what used to be our capital city." Toriel began walking into the next room, and Frisk hurried to keep up. "The Ruins are full of puzzles, designed to slow, injure, or otherwise waylay intruders. A security measure that shall hopefully prove unnecessary."

"I-I won't hurt anyone. I promise." Frisk was speaking more to themself than anything, but it was loud enough to reach Toriel's ears. She smiled, just a little, and continued onward. 

The Ruins passed by in a blur. Toriel deactivated every puzzle faster than they could have solved them, even with the knowledge of all the solutions. The other monsters in the ruins kept far out of their way, but Frisk would occasionally hear an echoing croak, or see the edge of delicate wings. They did not attempt to engage in further conversation with Toriel, somehow feeling more intimidated by her as an 'adult' than they had even when they actually were a child. They were struck by the sudden thought that, even if they did make it through this run, they might not have any friends or family to speak of. Maybe there wasn't a pacifist ending. Maybe it was just... them, being ousted into the world above, to try and struggle through life as an adult without having ever had the chance to properly grow up. To struggle alone, and not be able to just.. give up, because of their Determination. Frisk paused as they made it to the front of Toriel's house, the goat monster turning a look backwards when they did not follow her inside. The sight of the cute, tidy house filled them with a deep, painful longing for their own home, the one they'd been in just that morning, the one they'd never see again, no matter how hard they tried- 

Toriel started forward as the human collapsed to their knees, face screwing up as they heaved quiet, shuddering sobs. She reached out to place a gentle paw on their shoulder, trying to make eye contact. "Are you alright? I... know it must be difficult, being trapped here, away from your home..." She winced as they began crying harder. "Shhh, shh... it is alright. Let's get inside, shall we? Perhaps lying down will help you.. collect yourself." Toriel eased the human to their feet, sighing as their arms latched around her neck, and a wet face pressed into her chest. She rubbed a soothing hand along their back, trying to pin down the reason for their reaction. Perhaps it was only now impacting them, the gravity of their situation? Trapped underground in a strange, unfamiliar place, where the first inhabitant they met had tried to kill them. It would be hard on anyone, she imagined. Toriel hefted the human inside, practically carrying them, with how much weight they leaned into her. She settled them at the edge of her own bed, hunching down to eye level. "Please... rest here, for a while. I can only hope it will ease your mind." They sniffled and nodded, acting much younger than they appeared. Of course, she had never seen an adult human before. Perhaps they were still an adolescent? None of the others had stayed long enough to.. to grow up. Toriel left the human in her room, and busied herself in the kitchen. It was always easier to force such thoughts away when she was doing something. 

Frisk's choked noises died down after Toriel left them, breath coming out steadier and steadier as time passed. They sniffled and wiped their eyes with their shirt sleeve, laying back against Toriel's mattress. They curled up, pressing their face against her pillow and closing their eyes. They fell asleep, hoping they'd never wake up.


	73. The Super Skeleton Brothers!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Frisk won't feel so bone-ly anymore.

Frisk woke to the smell of something both familiar and unexpected. They rose into a sitting position, eyes half open as they sniffed the air in confusion. Cooking snails. Oh, it must have been Toriel's turn to make breakfast. Frisk loved Papyrus dearly, but sitting through bowls of spaghetti pancake soup had to be their least favorite activity ever. Snail crepes weren't the best thing in the world, but Toriel was at least capable of cooking them properly. Frisk shuffled out of bed, yawning and rubbing at their eyes as they exited their bedroom and dragged themself down the hallway. Hm, the kitchen was farther away than they remembered. They came to a halt when the sound of footsteps against wood became the click of shoe against tile, and smiled up at the fuzzy shape that was staring at them. Funny, the kitchen seemed smaller, too. "G'mornin', mom," they mumbled, blinking languidly. 

"Oh..." Toriel made a sound of... sorrow? "I am sorry, human. But I am not your mother." She stared at them in concern as reality crashed into place, their insides twisting in pain. 

"R...right, sorry. I j-just..." Frisk couldn't muster up any sort of explanation. They simply walked away, and sat numbly at the dining table. Everything was fine, all they had to do was rebuild their entire life from the ground up without knowing how to do so while also making sure that Chara and Asriel don't push them into another TRUE RESET. Perfect, wonderful, great. 

"I... hope snail pie is alright." They glanced up, finding an uncomfortably shifting Toriel carrying two plates of what was assumedly snail pie. Frisk nodded shallowly, not making eye contact as Toriel set it down in front of them, along with some silverware. No knife. 

"Thank you." Frisk ate their pie without really tasting it, focusing only on the scrape of silverware against ceramic. They didn't dare look up at Toriel, fearing the pity they were sure they'd find. They both ate in silence, and Frisk took a moment to wonder if HP worked the same way for humans as it did monsters. Having less would be... unfortunate. "...I really should get going." 

"That is probably for the best," Toriel agreed hesitantly. "I will provide you some necessities for your journey." Toriel shuffled around her... dress(?), pulling out a pre-packed backpack. "This is not yet full, so feel free it use it as extra storage space. There is monster food inside, to restore your HP. I have also packed you a sweater and some gloves, for the weather outside is frightful. I also have this." Toriel passed an old flip phone into their hands, and they tried not to focus on how warm those hands were. "It has my number programmed into it, in case you find yourself in need of advice, or require information. Or, if you... wished to talk, at any point. I know we have not really had the chance to do so, yet, but... perhaps that might change in the future." 

"...Thank you. I'll be sure to call." Frisk plastered on a grateful smile, attempting to keep the tears at bay. Since when had they become such a crybaby? Oh, right. Since they destroyed their own life. "Are you... sure you don't want to come with me? It must be lonely, in this place." 

"The thought is tempting, but I'm afraid my place is here. I must keep watch over these Ruins, in case another human falls down." Toriel appeared flattered that they asked her to come along, and they instinctively tallied a friendship point. The boss monster stepped forward as if to hug them, but seemed to reign herself in at the last moment, patting them on the shoulder instead. "Be careful on your journey, human. And please... show some MERCY. Even to those that do not seem to deserve it." 

"I... I'll remember. Thank you, Toriel." Frisk smiled as brightly as they could manage, hefting the backpack over their shoulder and exiting the sitting/dining/living room to begin the trek to the rest of the Underground.

Toriel watched them leave with a sad smile, before something occurred to her. "Wait, how did you know my name...?" But the human was already out of earshot.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Golly, you must feel really good about yourself, huh? Getting through without hurting a single person... Well, not that you had much of a choice in the matter. That old goat kept all the other monsters away. Pity. I would have adored seeing what you'd have done." Frisk glared past the obnoxious flower, eyeing the doorway leading out. It was completely blocked off by vines. "I hope you don't think it'll be such a cakewalk from now on. Out there, nobody's your friend. They all know how valuable a human SOUL is, and they'll tear you apart to get it. I'd be doing the same, but... I think it'll be a lot funnier to watch you squirm and struggle, first." Flowey winked at them, face twisted into a malicious, toothy grin. He laughed his signature cackle, before disappearing into the dirt he sprouted from. Frisk thought that was one of his weaker speeches. 

The grind of stone against stone echoed down the gradient purple hallway as Frisk struggled to push open the door to the rest of the Underground. Jeez, was this thing always so heavy? Eventually it gave way, swinging open and depositing Frisk in a poff of snow that had built up outside. They coughed up about a quart of melting snow, scrabbling out of the poff and trying to wipe away the snow before it melted into their clothes. Maybe putting on the sweater and gloves would have been a good idea before coming out here. Oh well, no time like the present. Frisk spent the next ten minutes trying to figure out which way they were supposed to put the sweater on, considering the lack of tags, as well as wondering when Toriel had found the time to knit them a sweater. It had the same blue-magenta pattern that their regular shirt did, which they were apparently cursed to wear for the rest of time. 

"never seen someone have so much trouble with a sweater before. need a hand there, pally?" Frisk shrieked in surprise, having been caught unawares with their sweater covering their face and arms. They plopped over into the snow, wiggling pathetically. "woah, chill out. i didn't mean to startle you while you were snowblind. here, let me throw you a bone." A pair of hands yanked the sweater down over their head, and Frisk managed to pop their arms out through the sleeves. They looked up, and stared straight into his face. And continued staring.  
Sans' lazy grin twitched at the corners. "hey, you in there? you look like you've seen a ghost. or a skeleton, i guess." 

"S...sorry." Frisk shook themself, and cleared their throat. "Sorry for freezing up; I just didn't expect to be able to see right through you. Chilled me right down to the bone." Sans chuckled, and they wanted to capture that sound in a bottle and keep it with them forever. 

"i get the feeling that you and me are gonna get along just fine." The skeleton grinned at them in that way of his, and their insides turned to mush. 

"BROOOOOTHEEEEEEEEER!" Came a screech like a thousand startled ostriches. It was so loud that it shook the snow off the trees that surrounded them, and Frisk was swiftly buried once more despite not even being under one of said trees. "WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING, ABANDONING YOUR POST? THIS IS A LEVEL BEYOND BOONDOGGLING, SANS, AND I WON'T STAND FOR IT!" A tall, devilishly handsome skeleton in a suit of neato burrito battle armor stomped down the very long path that led to the Ruins' entrance. He continued stomping for several minutes as Sans stared passively. Eventually, Papyrus came to a halt, adopting a stern grin because skeletons are incapable of facial expressions. "I KNEW I'D FIND YOU HERE, STANDING IN THE SNOW LIKE A.. THING THAT STANDS IN SNOW, AND NOTHING ELSE!" 

"woah, snow down, papyrus. i was totally doin' somethin' important." Sans was interrupted before he could gesture to the lump of snow covered human. 

"NYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEH! YOUR PUNS CAUSE ME MUCH ANGUISH, BROTHER! AND SO DOES YOUR SLACKING! I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW THAT PRACTICING KNOCK KNOCK JOKES DOES NOT BRING HOME THE SPAGHETTI!"

"hey, keep a handle on those 'a' words, bro. you might 'a'ccidentally 'a'nnihilate me with your 'a'stounding 'a'rray of 'a' words." Sans reveled in his brother's answering shriek. 

"YOU ARE DEAD TO ME, SANS." 

"well, i am a skeleto-" Papyrus picked his brother up, screeching wildly. He continued screeching as he slung Sans over his shoulder like a sack of bones, scurrying up one of the now bare trees. He howled and beat the breastplate of his battle body like a mighty great ape, leaping between treetops on his way back to Sans' station. 

Frisk gasped for air as they surfaced above the pile of snow, flopping over like a dead fish. And then they stopped doing that because they needed to progress so that friendships could blossom forth. Yes. They stumbled through the dead forest, walking easily through the bars Papyrus had put on the bridge to stop intruders or whatever. Papyrus' shouts, which had been audible yet indecipherable, came into focus. 

"-BELIEVE YOU JUST ABANDONED YOUR POST LIKE THAT! WHAT IF A HUMAN COMES THROUGH, SANS?!" 

"you ever think that i was there because a human had come through?" 

"IMPOSSIBLE! THERE'S NO WAY A HUMAN WOULD COME THROUGH HERE WHEN I'M NOT AROUND TO CAPTURE IT! IT SAYS SO RIGHT HERE!" Papyrus gestured to a sloppily painted sign, which read 'NO HUMANS ALLOWED, UNLESS THE GREAT PAPYRUS IS AROUND TO CAPTURE YOU!'. "SEE? THEREFORE, IT IS UNPOSSIBLE THAT A HUMAN WOULD BE HERE!" 

Frisk walked up to them, standing directly within both their fields of view. 

"SEE, WHAT DID I TELL YOU? ONCE THE GREAT PAPYRUS ARRIVED, SO DID A HUMAN, FOR THE CAPTURING!" Papyrus gestured smugly at the idly waving human. Sans grinned, and waited patiently. "....OH MY GOD, SANS!!! THERE'S A HUMAN DIRECTLY IN YOUR FIELD OF VIEW, AND YOU DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING ABOUT IT!!! I KNEW WE SHOULD HAVE GOTTEN YOU THOSE CORRECTIVE LENSES!" Papyrus reached into his cape, producing several dozen pairs of glasses, which he threw at his brother. 

"wow, thanks, bro. you were right. icy a lot more clearly now." Sans winked from under his seventeen pairs of glasses. 

"YOU'VE LOST YOUR GLASSES PRIVILEGES. AND YOUR SPEAKING PRIVILEGES!" 

Sans obediently removed all of his glasses, one at a time. "what privileges do i still have?" 

"CAPTURING PRIVILEGES! GET THE HUMAN!" Papyrus twirled around, glowing and flashing through a rainbow of colors as fast paced salsa music played in the background, before emerging as Le Roi Squelette! "QUICKLY, DO YOUR TAG TEAM TRANSFORMATION, BROTHER!" Papyrus stage whispered, which was more like yelling. 

"right. uh, what was mine, again?" Sans slowly walked around his sentry station, taking a quick nap before taking his place at his brother's side. 

"BARON OF BONE! THAT'S YOURS, BROTHER! QUICKLY, CHANGE INTO COSTUME!" Papyrus thrust a handful of clothing into Sans' hands. 

The shorter skeleton kind of... shuffled in a circle, playing a kazoo very poorly as he flashed a myriad of different colors. And then, he transformed into the Baron of Bone, clad in knee high leather riding boots, a frilled blue frock coat, poofy pantaloons, and a tricorn hat. "and you're sure this is what barons looked like, right?" 

"HOW SHOULD I KNOW? HUMAN, TELL US; IS THIS HOW BARONS DRESSED?" He gestured at his brother, who almost posed but decided to just stand there instead. 

Frisk rubbed their chin contemplatively, trying to hide a smile. "...Yeah, probably." They were barely aware of the SOUL emerging from their chest. 

"SEE? I TOLD YOU MY KNOWLEDGE OF HUMAN HISTORY WAS IMPECCABLE!" Papyrus preened proudly, before clearing his nonexistent throat. "HUMAN, I HOPE YOU ARE PREPARED TO FACE... THE SUPER SKELETON BROS!" He flared his cape out dramatically, striking a battle pose with his bone rapier drawn. "....SANS, THAT'S THE CUE, DO A POSE!" He hissed like a shrieking kettle through his teeth.

"oh, right, sorry." Sans slowly adopted what may or may not have been a battle pose, yawning midway through. "prepare for trouble, human." 

"YES, AND MAKE IT DOUBLE! YOU SEE, BECAUSE THERE'S TWO OF US, AND... SANS, QUICKLY, ATTACK WHILE THEY ARE DISTRACTED BY HOW COOL WE LOOK!" 

"get ready for a bone-bardment, human." Sans winked, producing a literal handful of bones, which he flung at Frisk. They landed in the snow harmlessly. "welp, looks like they're too strong for us." 

"NONSENSE; WE'RE SIMPLY WARMING UP! QUICKLY, LET US DO A TEAM ATTACK!" Papyrus lifted his brother onto his shoulders, taking care not to dislodge his conquistador's helmet. "PREPARE FOR A TERRIBLE TORNADO!" Papyrus spun through the air, limbs and sword flailing wildly as Sans clung to his skull. 

"bro, wait, we didn't go over this one...!" The pair spun chaotically through the snow, Frisk stepping easily out of the way as they collided with a tree. Sans was sent flying off into the air, and screamed very slowly as he fell. His screaming stopped several seconds after he realized the human had caught him. "looks like i've fallen for you already, huh?" he chuckled at the blush that rose to their face, and continued chuckling even after they dropped him in the snow. 

"NYEEEH! MAYBE WE SHOULD HAVE PRACTICED THAT ONE MORE... NO MATTER! I WILL SIMPLY HAVE TO USE MY... BLUE ATTACK!" Papyrus sliced up a dizzying pattern of light blue bones, which all phased harmlessly through the stationary human. Then, their exposed SOUL flickered blue, and they fwumped into the snow. "NYEH HEH, NOW YOU SEE THE TRUE POWER OF MY ATTACK! YOU ARE BLUE NOW! ...THAT. UH, THAT'S MY ATTACK. THAT YOU ARE BLUE, INSTEAD OF RED."

Frisk gave him a thumbs up as they staggered to their feet, gravity weighing much more heavily on them now. "That was a really cool attack," they complimented, feeling their friendship gauge filling as Papyrus' cheekbones burned with color. 

"W-WOWIE, YOU REALLY THINK SO? I MEAN, OF COURSE YOU DO! EVERY ATTACK OF THE SUPER BONE BROS IS REALLY COOL! LIKE THIS ONE!" Papyrus leapt into action, sword swishing and slicing through the air at the human. They dodged easily around his blows, the two engaging in what amounted to a dance, but with swords. "NYEH! NYEH-HA! TAKE THAT, AND THIS, AND ONE OF THOSE! TWO OF THOSE, EVEN! YOU ARE A SKILLED COMBATANT, HUMAN, BUT NOTHING WILL PREPARE YOU FOR MY ATTACK THAT IS EVEN MORE SPECIAL THAN MY PREVIOUS ONE, FOR INDEED... IT IS MY SPECIAL ATTACK!" Papyrus continued slicing up a flurry of blows, looking pleasantly surprised when Frisk took out their Stick to engage in a proper sword fight with him. Their blades clashed and clanged as they dueled, neither one giving an inch to their opponent. Sans watched on in awe, smearing snow onto his teeth in lieu of eating popcorn. 

Eventually the two combatants fell away, both breathing harshly. "WELL, IT APPEARS WE HAVE REACHED THE ULTIMATUM, HUMAN. PREPARE YOURSELF... FOR MY SPECIAL. ATTACK!!!!!!! Bones. Bones bones bones BONES! Bones that towered above the trees themselves, forming an immense hallway that was filled with, you guessed it, even more bones, arranged into a seemingly endless gauntlet of deadly traps and hurdles. Spikes swung, blades sliced, cannons fired, and everything swung violently up and down. Frisk stared at their coming doom in absolute fright. Was this really the attack Papyrus had planned to use on an eight year old?!?! Frisk felt weak in the knees, and not just because they were blue. They stared up at the maniacally cackling skeleton, who flew above the deadly attack with helicopter legs. "SCARED YET, HUMAN?!" Frisk nodded shakily. "OH, GOODIE! YOU SEE, UNDYNE TOLD ME I NEEDED TO MAKE MY ATTACKS SCARIER, SO I MADE THIS! PRETTY NEATO, RIGHT? I CALL IT: MARROW MAYHEM! THE TITLE IS STILL A WORK IN PROGRESS." Frisk shook in place as the bones slowly approached, tearing massive gouges in the snow and ice. Just as the first spinning platform appeared, something hard and bone shaped knocked them in the back of the head, and everything went black. 

Papyrus and Sans both stared at the unconscious human, the self proclaimed skeleton king's special attack sinking back into the ground anticlimactically. "SAAANS, WHY DID YOU DO THAAAAT? THE HUMAN WAS ABOUT TO TEST OUT MY SUPER NEAT SPECIAL ATTACK!" Papyrus stamped his armored boot, pouting as best he could without facial muscles. 

"oops, sorry. i thought we were doing a team attack." More like he thought the human was about to be absolutely creamed. Since when could his brother do attacks like that? "well, at least you can capture them now?" He offered. 

"HMM... YEAH, I GUESS. BUT I REALLY WANTED TO SEE THEM DO MY SPECIAL ATTACK! OH WELL, MAYBE WE CAN TRY AGAIN WHEN THEY WAKE UP!" Already looking cheered up, Papyrus picked up the human and slung them over his shoulder, beginning the walk back to Snowdin. "BOY, HUMANS ARE WAY HEAVIER THAN I THOUGHT THEY'D BE." 

"eh, i'm sure they're not that heavy. you're just... all bones." 

Papyrus' screech echoed throughout the entire Underground.


	74. A Trying Ex-spear-ience.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not happy with the end of this, but that's kind of to be expected at this point.

When Frisk woke up, they were greeted by a splitting headache, and the smell of wet dog food. What a lovely combination. They groaned and rolled over, head thunking against hard wood. They bit back a curse because this story is rated G for grandmas and sat up, glancing down to find that they'd been laid out on... a dog bed? A surprisingly comfortable one, at that. They looked up to take in their surroundings, finding that they had been relocated to... the capture zone. Great. An entire decade of experience, and they still somehow end up getting captured. Well, it wasn't a big deal, right? They'd just walk through the bars... which were built so close together that they... couldn't actually fit between them. Well. Well well well welly well well. Frisk frowned and tugged on the bars. Sturdy as all heckaroonies. No door, either. Come to think of it, how did Papyrus get them in here...? 

"OHO, THE HUMAN HAS AWOKEN!" Speaking of Papyrus.... Papyrus. Here. Now. Saying words. He stood in front of the bars, looking impossibly smug. "I HOPE YOU APPRECIATE OUR ACCOMMODATIONS! ONLY THE MOST LUXURIOUS OF LUXURIES FOR OUR CAPTIVES! AND, I EVEN BROUGHT YOU SOME MILK! PLEASE, HOLD YOUR THANKS. BUT ONLY WITH ONE HAND, BECAUSE YOU WILL NEED THE OTHER TO HOLD THE GLASS OF MILK!" Papyrus flung the glass of two percent at their head, and they somehow managed to catch it without spilling a single drop. "SORRY ABOUT LOCKING YOU IN HERE, BUT WE NEEDED A PLACE TO KEEP YOU WHILE WE WAIT FOR UNDYNE TO SHOW UP! SO... MAKE YOURSELF COMFORTABLE?" Papyrus bounced from foot to foot, looking unsure of himself. "DO HUMANS... NEED ANYTHING, OTHER THAN DELICIOUS MILK AND TOP BRAND DOG FOOD?" 

Frisk knew this was almost guaranteed to work. Probably. Maybe. "Actually, can I use the bathroom?" They inquired politely. 

"OH, OF COURSE. HERE, LET ME JUST.." Papyrus ambled forward, grabbing a bar and pushing it inwards. A whole section of bars swung inwards, creating an entryway. "BUT NO FUNNY BUSINESS! UNLESS YOU ALSO NEED TO DO THAT, IN WHICH CASE PLEASE, FEEL FREE."

Frisk walked right through the secret doorway, sipping their milk and smiling politely at Papyrus. "Thanks for the hospitality."

"NYEH HEH! LET IT NEVER BE SAID THAT THE GREAT PAPYRUS IS A POOR HOST! COME WITH ME, HUMAN, AND I SHALL TAKE YOU TO THE ROOM WHERE THE BATH LIVES!" Papyrus picked them up with both hands, carrying them out of the shed and into the house that Frisk was so intimately familiar with. The skeleton wound them up like a baseball, before pitching them up the stairs. They impacted the wall next to his bedroom door with a thunderous crash. "BATHROOM IS ON THE LEFT," he called. Frisk looked left, at the entirely bare wall. "TRUST ME." Papyrus gave them four or five thumbs up from the level below. Frisk shrugged and pressed a hand against the blank wall-

-and fell out into the bathroom, which was completely and totally without question on the right side of the house. Right. Don't question things. Frisk turned at the sound of the door opening, and came face to chin with Papyrus' grinning face. "HELLO, HUMAN! I AM HERE TO SUPERVISE YOU, TO PREVENT ESCAPE!"

"Humans need privacy to go to the bathroom. Like, a lot. It'd be ideal if you... left the house entirely." Frisk smiled brightly, fingers crossed behind their back. 

"OF COURSE! I WOULD HATE TO OFFEND YOU! BOY, HUMAN CUSTOMS SURE ARE INTERESTING. MAYBE YOU CAN TELL ME MORE ABOUT THEM WHEN YOU'RE... DONE BEING TAKEN TO THE KING????" Papyrus 'NYEH?'d thoughtfully before leaving his captive completely unattended in his house. 

Finally, sweet freedom was at hand! The first thing Frisk did now that they were able to escape was.... actually use the bathroom. It's not like they could lie to their poor skele-friend. Just running out on him made them feel bad enough. But considering the alternative was getting skewered by Undyne, they'd just have to deal. The prised open the bathroom window, doing their best to squeeze through, wriggling determinedly through the small opening. And then they popped free, and had a split second to feel triumphant until they fell two stories into the snow. 

When Frisk woke up several moments later, it was to the sound of amused chuckling. "looks like you're the one fallin' for me, now. got my brother fallin' over himself to accomodate you, too." They looked up, and saw a bleached skull grinning down at them. "looks like you've got cold feet about meeting undyne, huh? icy why. someone like you... she'd rip you to bits. can't have that, now can we?" 

"Why does it matter to you? Didn't you help capture me?" Frisk stared up at him in the most earnest confusion they could muster. 

"i did you a favor, bucko. did you see the crap my brother pulled outta nowhere? you'd have been battered to bits. way i see it, i saved your butt. no thanks required." Sans stared at them passively as they wobbled to their feet. 

"Yeah, but... why does it matter? Don't you care more about helping your brother?" God, they just wanted to hug this stupid skeleton so bad and forget all about their charade-

"look, i'll give it to you, bare bones. there's this lady i know, real sweet, kinda lonely. me and her, we have a little back-and-forth we've been doin', for a couple months now. Sharin' jokes, sharin' stories... it's a special kind of bond, you know? and one day, yesterday, in fact, she asks me a favor. says a human is comin' through, and that she wants me to keep an eye socket on them. i think, sure, why not? sounds easy enough. so i agree, and she tells me..." Sans rocked back on his heels, smiling placidly. "she tells me... if they look like they've got a good heart, keep watch over 'em. make sure they survive. and then she says, if they put one toe out of line..." Sans grinned, sockets dark as he stared up at the human. Frisk's smile twitched at the corners."well, i got the gist of it. and i think you do too, huh, pal? but from what i've seen so far, you don't mean any harm. hell, you humored my brother, yesterday. he had a blast, you know. and anyone that can make my brother happy... well, they're alright in my book." Sans had to reach up to pat them on the shoulder, but they appreciated the gesture nonetheless. 

"O-oh... well, uhm, thank you for looking after me, then. And.. I'm glad your brother had fun. He seems like a cool guy." Frisk smiled as sweetly as they could manage, which was apparently sweet enough for all of Sans' teeth to melt out of his mouth. Okay not really. 

"the coolest guy i know," Sans agreed. "but uh, enough chit chat. you might want to get a move on, before undyne shows-"

"OH, UNDYNE! YOU'VE MADE IT HERE, TO MY HOUSE, WHERE THE CAPTURED HUMAN IS BEING CAPTURED! I'M AFRAID THEY'RE IN THE BATHROOM RIGHT NOW, SO YOU'LL HAVE TO WAIT A LITTLE WHILE." 

"...You gave the human a bathroom break. Unsupervised." Frisk could FEEL how incredulous Undyne was. 

"THEY SAID THEY NEEDED THEIR PRIVACY, AND I DIDN'T WANT TO OFFEND, SO-" 

"Papyrus, they're a PRISONER! It doesn't matter if you offend them!" 

"OF COURSE IT DOES! I AM AN EXCELLENT HOST, AND IT WOULD TARNISH MY REPUTATION IF I WAS RUDE TO A GUEST. ER, PRISONER. PRISONEST. GUESTONER." 

"Oh my god you're actually serious. Whatever, I'm going to go take care of this punk RIGHT NOW, EVEN IF THEY'RE HAVING A BATHROOM BREAK!" 

"now would be a good time to run." Sans winked for luck, and gave the human a light push. "see you later, buddy. take care of yourself out there." 

Frisk was torn between wanting to hug the magic right out of Sans or run for their life, so they settled with a pat on the head before sprinting as sneakily as they could manage. Which apparently wasn't very sneaky at all, considering Papyrus saw them as soon as they cleared the shed. 

"OH, HELLO HUMAN," he began, oblivious to Frisk making frantic shushing motions, "I HOPE YOUR BATHROOM BREAK WENT WELL, FOR BOTH OUR SAKES. OH, UNDYNE IS LOOKING FOR YOU, YOU MAY HAVE HEARD HER JUST NOW. I WOULDN'T KEEP HER WAITING, SHE GETS VERY IMPATIENT, VERY QUICKLY. OH LOOK, HERE SHE COMES NO-"

Undyne leapt through the front window of Sans and Papyrus' house, glass shattering into powder. Her armored boots shook the very Earth itself as she landed, clutching a real, actual spear in her hands. It was heavily tarnished, as if retrieved from the bottom of the sea, but was no less intimidating. The head was long and cut in a waved pattern. It was decorated with interlocking brass designs, which flared outwards into a pair of hooked protrusions. Her armor looked new, too. It was obsidian black with pearly highlights and had wide, finned shoulderpads and a scaled breastplate. The helmet was modeled after a lionfish, being vaguely triangular in shape and decorated with a long, frilled crest. Undyne's single intact eye gleamed from under the helmet's visor. 

*Undyne the Unstoppable charges into battle. 

"HUMAN, YOUR TIME HAS COME," she declared in a booming yell, posing proudly with her spear. "Your SOUL, the key to the freedom of all monsters, will be ripped from your corpse and brought before King Asgore Dreemurr, so that he may destroy the Barrier that has kept us trapped in the Underground! And I, Undyne... will be the one to destroy you!! EN GARDE!" Undyne swept her partizan through the air, producing a dozen glowing spears, all poised to skewer Frisk in an instant. 

Oh, this was not good at all. Probably the worst situation they'd found themself in ever. At least, pacifist-wise. They'd always run from Undyne before, but there was no way they'd be able to evade her long enough to get to Hotland. Frisk's only choice was to stand their ground, and fight. So they did the only thing the could do; they laughed. 

"...What's so damn funny? You're about to die, human!" 

"Undyne, you are truly pathetic! Facing an unarmed human in deadly combat... truly, you must be too weak to face an opponent on even footing! Were you to kill me, you would be forever shamed! Undyne the Unfair, they'll call you! Provide for me a proper weapon, and we shall meet upon the field of battle as equal opponents!" Frisk posed as proudly as possible, thankful for all those times Undyne had made them watch cheesy fighting anime. 

Undyne leveled an unreadable stare at them from under her helmet. "...Tch. You make a fair point. Papyrus! Your sword!" She held out a hand without looking. 

"W-WAIT... YOU TWO AREN'T GOING TO ACTUALLY HURT EACH OTHER, ARE YOU? THIS IS ONE OF THOSE SPARRING BATTLES, RIGHT? TO TIRE OUT THE HUMAN, SO THAT WE CAN BRING THEM TO THE KING?" Papyrus fumbled with the clasp for his sword sheath, looking uncertain. 

"Don't worry, Papyrus. We'll be fine, I promise." Frisk smiled reassuringly at the skeleton, who 'NYEEEH'd in concern before obediently tossing his bone rapier to Undyne. She unsheathed the blade, inspecting it superficially before throwing it to the human. 

"There's your weapon, human. Not that it'll do you much good! FUHUHUHUHU!" Undyne fell into a battle stance, partizan clutched in both hands. Frisk took the same stance they'd seen Papyrus use, sword poised and ready. "...EN GARDE!" 

The two combatants clashed in a blur of motion, solid bone and tarnished steel clanging and shrieking as they came in contact. Undyne's attacks came out solid and swift, with every bit of her power put behind every blow. Frisk moved with the grace of a professional dancer, twirling and ducking between slashes of Undyne's partizan as well as around the constant stream of glowing spears that fired out at them. Their arms shook with the effort of blocking Undyne's attacks, each impact ringing out clearly. Knowing that they couldn't possibly keep up a traditional defense, they put their legendary dodging skills to use instead. Undyne grew visibly frustrated with every whiffed attack, her heated breaths puffing through her visor. Eventually, with an aggravated scream, she swept her spear over the human's exposed SOUL, turning it a deep, verdant green. 

"Fuhuhuhuhu! Try and dodge now, you little nerd! When you're green, you have no choice but to face danger HEAD ON!" Undyne twirled her partizan, producing a cyclone of arrow shaped bullets that all approached at varying speeds from every possible direction. Now lugging a hefty green shield, Frisk struggled to spin on the spot, blocking the bullets with impeccable timing. They barely had any time to react when their shield suddenly disappeared, and the bullets were replaced by the head of a slicing, thrusting partizan. Frisk struggled to resume their previous dodging, eventually building up an easy rhythm that kept them one step ahead of the furious fish's attacks. Clearly growing even more irate, she switched them rapidly between green and red, keeping up a constant pattern of physical attacks and waves of bullets. Frisk, recognizing the pattern, avoided every single attack without fail. "UGH, JUST DIE ALREADY, YOU DORK!" 

"Why don't you just give up? It's clear you can't beat me." Knowing exactly how their words would be taken, Frisk prepared themself for the suddenly renewed attacks, each coming out faster and more powerful than the last. They were certain that any of Undyne's magical attacks would absolutely chunk their HP, and that partizan would cleave them in two. But even still, they did not attack a single time. Their borrowed rapier was used only to block, when dodging was unfavorable. 

"WHY! WON'T! YOU! FIGHT! BACK!!!" Undyne roared, her partizan clanging against the sturdy blade of Papyrus' sword. "C'mon, HIT ME! DO IT, YOU COWARD!" 

Now was the time. If everything went well, then they were in the clear. If not... well, they could always run away on their next life, see how far that got them. They reared back, slashing powerfully with the bone blade just at the moment Undyne left herself open. 

*Undyne the Unstoppable 9999/10000 HP. 

"...What." Undyne stared at them incredulously. "...I said attack! Hit me, right now, with everything you've got!!! PROVE THAT YOU'RE WORTHY TO FACE ME IN BATTLE!!!!" 

Frisk grasped the hilt of the sword with both hands, narrowing their eyes in concentration as they thrust the blade with all the power they could muster, right into Undyne's breastplate. 

*Undyne the Unstoppable 9998/10000 HP. 

"You have GOT to be kidding me. There's no way you're that big of a wimp! Only someone with true grit and power could have survived against me so long!" Undyne growled in frustration. "Unless... you really don't want to hurt me. Even after I've been trying to kill you, you still can't muster any Killing Intent for me? That... WILL JUST MAKE IT EVEN EASIER TO KILL YOU! NGAAAAAAH!" Undyne swept out with her partizan, the human's bright smile barely having time to turn to shock before the deadly blade-

-was deflected by a sword of bone, wielded by none other than Le Roi Squelette! "THERE WILL BE NO KILLING ON MY WATCH! I'M SORRY, UNDYNE, BUT I CAN'T LET YOU HURT THIS HUMAN!" 

"Papyrus, you bonehead! If I don't kill this human, then we'll never get out of the Underground!" Undyne grit her teeth in frustration, staring down the wanna-be royal guard. 

"FREEDOM IS NOT WORTH THE LIFE OF AN INNOCENT PERSON! GO, HUMAN, RUN! WE, THE SUPER SKELETON BROS, WILL HOLD UNDYNE OFF!" Sans waved from somewhere in the background. 

"This is TREASON!" Undyne launched a trio of glowing spears at the frozen human, all of which were blocked by a wall of floating bones. 

"sorry, but nobody's sleepin' with the fishes today." Sans winked cheekily, having already changed into his battle costume offscreen. "ready for a team attack, bro?" 

"YOU KNOW IT, BROTHER! PREPARE YOURSELF FOR THE WILD WHIRLWIND! NAME IS A WORK IN PROGRESS." Papyrus snatched his brother up by the hands, whipping him around at incredible speeds before releasing him at an incredulous looking Undyne. Sans winked and then crashed into Undyne's helmet feet first, sending her sprawling onto her back. Sans deflected off and was caught by Papyrus, before being set back down on his feet. 

"...Oh my god??? Papyrus, that was a really cool attack?????" Undyne removed her now dented helmet, staring up at the posing skeletons. "Since when did you guys have team attacks?!" 

"papyrus saw it in a video game, and thought it would be a good idea. i didn't have anything better to do, so i practiced with him." 

"INDEED, I WAS QUITE SURPRISED THAT YOU AGREED TO FORM AN INCREDIBLE FIGHTING DUO WITH ME!" 

"I'm actually impressed that Sans got off his bony butt long enough to put on a costume, let alone practice attacks with you." Undyne stood up, chatting casually with the skeletons as if she wasn't just attempting to do a murder. 

"I KNOW, RIGHT?" 

"hey, i'm not a total lazybones. i can work myself to the bone, too." Papyrus screeched, and prepared to begin a tirade-

"Hey, Undyne?" All three monsters turned at the sound of the human's voice. Frisk walked between the skeletons, gazing steadily at the tensed Undyne. "I think you should have this." They thrust out their hands, a tiny, glowing red SOUL cupped between them. "You said my SOUL would be used to free all the monsters, right?" 

"..." Undyne stared at them incredulously. 

"...Well, are you gonna take it?" Frisk shoved it forward more insistently. It beat rapidly, betraying their nerves. 

"c'mon kid, really think about this." 

"HUMAN, OUR FREEDOM IS NOT WORTH YOUR LIFE! PLEASE, RECONSIDER!" 

Undyne stepped forward, and laid a gauntleted hand over the SOUL. Its warmth bled through her armor. "...Why did you bother fighting me, if you were just going to give up your soul?" 

"Well... you seemed like you liked fighting, so... I thought, if I fought you, you'd want to be friends. But I guess not. And... freeing all monsters sounds pretty important. More important than me." Undyne stared down into soulful eyes, full of sincerity. "Go ahead. Take it." 

Both skeleton brothers watched with bated breath, Papyrus nervously clutching Sans to his bosom. 

"...God dammit." Undyne closed her eye, and turned away. "God dammit! Why are you being so nice, you little twerp!? You fight with me because you think it'll make me happy, you can't even muster up the intent to actually hurt me, and THEN you just... try to give me your soul?!?! I don't GET you!" Surprisingly, Undyne didn't appear to be angry. Just... confused. "Are all humans as annoying as you?" 

Frisk merely beamed at her, SOUL thumping cheerfully. It nestled back into their chest, and then they wasted no time in wrapping Undyne in the biggest hug they could muster. 

"Ugh, gross! You're getting your dork residue all over my armor!" Undyne huffed and shoved the human back with a finger. "This doesn't make us friends, or anything! You're lucky I'm not gutting you and bringing your soul to Asgore!" 

"HOORAY! UNDYNE SUBVERTED A VIOLENCE!" Papyrus leapt into action, throwing two of his arms around everyone who was in this scene currently. "I'M SO PROUD!" He nuzzled his skull against Undyne's scaly face. "AND NOW THAT THE HUMAN IS ALIVE AND WELL, WE CAN TAKE THEM TO KING ASGORE, AND EVERYONE CAN GO FREE!" 

"bro... you do realize what'll happen if we take them to fluffybuns, right?" 

"...FRIENDSHIP AND FREEDOM?" 

The three people who probably weren't Papyrus all shared a concerned look. "...who wants to tell him?"


	75. Clash in the Kitchen!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spaghett-me? No, spaghett-YOU.

Several hours were spent consoling a bawling Papyrus, who had burst into tears the moment he heard what the king had done to collect the human souls. The group had relocated to the skeletons' house, so that Frisk and Undyne wouldn't freeze to death. Papyrus was summarily wrapped in several blankets and fed canned soup in front of the television as he came to terms with the information that had been revealed to him. He had stopped crying at some point, and was now just shaking intermittently while sipping soup from a mug. 

"Would some... spaghetti make you feel less upsetti?" Frisk tried tentatively. They didn't want their skelefriend to be upset! 

"AS LONG AS THE SPAGHETTI ISN'T PUN BASED, THEN YES." Papyrus crossed his arms and pouted. 

"How the heck do you make pun based spaghetti?" Undyne questioned loudly over Sans' chuckling. 

"it's a more likely pastability than you think." Sans soaked in his brother's screams... which didn't come. "wow. you really are feeling down, aren't you?" 

"YES, AND YOUR PUNS ARE NOT IMPROVING THINGS. PLEASE KEEP A LID ON THEM." Papyrus crunched morosely on his soup mug, clay snapping easily under his giant teeth. 

"...Does he.. normally eat the mugs, too?" Frisk whispered to the shorter skeleton. 

"only when he wants to," Sans replied vaguely. 

"C'mon, nerds! It's time for an impromtu cooking lesson!" Undyne interrupted shamelessly, snatching both Frisk and Sans up by the head and bowling them into the kitchen. She leapt in after them, juggling several dangerous medieval weapons just because she could. "ALRIGHT, LISTEN UP!" Undyne flung a halberd into the wall, for emphatic purposes. "Today, we're gonna make spaghetti! But it's not just ANY spaghetti! This is a dish of my own creation, made with ingredients that I keep on my person at all times!" Undyne reached into her suit of armor, dumping a box of pasta noodles on the counter. "As everybody knows, home cooked noodles are the bomb! BUT I JUST BUY THE BOXES WITH THE FANCIEST LABELS!!" 

"hey, is this going anywhere, anytime soon? i've kinda got an appointment to get to. it's almost nap-o-clock, after all." Sans didn't even flinch as a medieval flail was swung inches from his face, cracking into the kitchen tiles.

"Could you POSSIBLY take this any less seriously?! Your brother is in grave peril, in case you were unaware!" Undyne emoted violently, leading to gratuitous damages to the kitchen. 

"Is... does emotional duress count as grave peril-" 

"IT DOES NOW!" 

"are you... trying to imply that i don't care about my brother?" Sans grinned sharply, sockets dark. 

"And what if I am? What are you gonna do about it?" Undyne's grin was even sharper, considering she had the aid of her horrible murder teeth. She leaned in, her noseless face touching Sans' noseless face. 

"well, i guess i'll just have to make better spaghetti than you, and make papyrus feel better than you ever could." Sans squished his face against Undyne's in challenge. 

"HA! We'll just have to see about that, won't we?" Undyne backflipped away, snatching up Frisk as she did so. "C'mon, human! Prove your worth, and help me make this dish!" 

"woah, hey, who said the human is on your team? buddy, pal, chum, let's get real here; you know you wanna help your old pal sans, right?" Sans nudged Frisk with his elbow several times in a row. 

"I can beat you up way worse than he can, so you'd BETTER help me!" Undyne poked them in the forehead, and their head exploded. Nobody noticed. 

"i wouldn't be too sure of that," Sans chuckled menacingly. "i seem to remember knockin' you on your scaly butt pretty easily-" 

"That was a cheap shot! If I'd known that you were good for anything other than standing around, I'd have laid the SMACK DOWN on you!" 

"hey papyrus, how'd you like sushi for dinner instead?" 

"NO MORE FIGHTING, MY FRAGILE HEART CANNOT TAKE IT!" Papyrus keeled over dramatically on the couch, all four limbs sticking straight up in the air. And then he put them down because they were getting... stiff. GET IT? BECAUSE HE'S A SKELETON-

"I have made my decision!" Frisk stood on top of Sans' head, everyone staring up at them expectantly. "I'm on... my own team!" They pointed their thumb at their chest, for emphatic purposes. "That's right! I'm gonna make the best darn spaghetti you ever tasted!" Brass heavy fanfare played as Frisk adopted several heroic poses, confetti raining from the ceiling. 

"alright, that's fine with me," Sans said, once he was done playing his trombone. 

"Yeah, that works," Undyne agreed, once she was done playing her tuba. 

Papyrus played a little diddy on the french horn, to show that he was also cool with this turn of events. 

And then they were off! The three contestants all wore their chef hats, aprons, and clown shoes as they stood in front of their piles of ingredients-

"Not so fast, darlings~!" A grating, metallic voice called out, before a rectangular hunk came crashing through the ceiling. It was Mettaton! Wowie, I sure am re-introducing characters really fast- "HELLLOOOO, LOVELY CONTESTANTS," Mettaton screeched into his microphone, producing an ear wrenching amount of feedback. "I'd like to welcome all my wonderful viewers at home to this very special episode of 'Cooking With a Killer Robot'! Today, we have three beautiful amateur chefs, all competing to create the ultimate dish! Today's dish is a real classic, that I'm sure you all know at home... Spaghetti!!!" The word 'Spaghetti' flashed in bright, neon lettering, and Mettaton played a recording of a single person clapping very fast. "Please, hold your applause!" 

"WOAH, wait a minute. Who invited this glorified toaster here anyway? How does he know about this?" Sans and Frisk both shrugged helplessly, leaving Undyne steaming. Too bad we're not cooking fish today, huh? HAHAHAHAHAHA-

"couldn't tell ya, but this guy sure does love show-boating, huh?" Sans winked at the camera as a laugh track played without Mettaton's say-so. 

"Hey, none of that! This is not a comedy program! And I'll have you know that MTTTV does not give away the identities of our insider informers-" 

"IT WAS ME! I TOLD HIM ABOUT YOUR COOKING CONTEST! HI, METTATON!" Papyrus waved from the living room. 

Mettaton simulated a cough. "...Yes, well. On with the contest! Our three gorgeous contestants will be competing for ONE. MILLION. MICROSECONDS OF PRAISE FROM ME, THE ONE AND ONLY METTATON!" He played an audio clip of three or four people clapping at moderate speeds. "Oh, you're all too much!" 

"Can we just cook now? Or are you gonna keep running your... audio, stuff?" Undyne clenched her fists and leaned against the counter. 

"Of course, of course! On the count of three, cook as fast as you can! Three... two............ two and a haaal-"

"NGAAAHH!" Undyne leapt into action, dumping her own ingredients on the counter. It was... a load of pears and avocados. 

"Oh, what an upset! A contestant has brought along her own secret ingredients! I'm pretty sure that's against the rules, but it sure is dramatic! Our lovely viewer is absolutely eating it up!" 

"WOWIE, I CAN SEE MY FRIENDS ON TV! HI, EVERYONE!" Papyrus waved from the living room. 

Sans waved back at the camera with one hand. The other hand was currently attempting to grate tomatoes.

Frisk was deep in the concentration zone, raising a hand high above their head before karate chopping a tomato with incredible force. Their hand bounced off and hit them in the face. 

"Wow, are these really my opponents? LOOKS LIKE WINNING WILL BE A BREEZE!" Undyne laughed victoriously despite not yet having won, clenching a fist at her pears and avacados so hard that they exploded into paste. She scraped the paste into an empty pot, and then slammed a handful of noodles inside. They turned to powder on impact. "Yeah, that's what I'm talkin' about!" She banged the pot down on a burner, turning the dial so hard that it snapped right off. "...Oh." 

Meanwhile, Sans had just finished grating his third tomato, and was taking a well deserved nap. Incidentally, he was napping on top of the tomato gratings. His pasta was untouched. The third and least interesting contestant had admitted defeat and gone to grab a knife, and was currently dicing and slicing and pressing tomatoes into paste. Their pasta was quietly boiling in a pot with little penguins printed on it. How adorable. Or it would be, if Undyne wasn't in the process of burning down the stove. 

"Oh goodness! Looks like things are getting a little heated!" Mettaton fanned himself with a goofy cartoon gloved hand. 

"wow undyne. you're on fire over there." Sans winked at the camera, and it winked back. His pasta may or may not have also winked. The skeleton wasn't havin' none, however, so he put his spaghetti noodles in the time-out pot of water. It was still cold. 

"Well, this is certainly getting boring. Let's take a quick commercial break, shall we?" Mettaton played a little jingle, putting a sheet of cardboard with the words 'COMMERCIAL BREAK!' printed on it in front of the camera. Then he tore it in half. "There we go, commercial broken. Now, let's get back into the action!" 

The kitchen was in absolute chaos. Undyne was screaming wildly, trying to beat out the flames engulfing her pot with her bare fists, while also fighting off invading aliens. Frisk was in the fetal position next to their pot of pasta, rocking back and forth and mumbling in arcane tongues. Sans was... asleep on top of the tomatoes, again. But this time, the tomatoes were at least in the spaghetti. 

"What an astounding display! Let's give our lovely contestants a big hand, folks!" Mettaton pulled a massive foam hand out from behind his back, and slapped all three of them across the face. "Now, it's time to present your dishes to the judge!" There was a quick scene cut, and then Undyne, Frisk, and Sans were all stood in the living room, holding platters of their spaghetti. 

"W-wait a minute, how did we get here-" Undyne was shushed by a cartoon finger,which was inserted directly into her mouth. 

"No more words, darling! Except for from the judge. And me, I guess." Mettaton removed his finger and casually wiped it off on Frisk's shirt. They stared up at the robot, and he winked back at them despite the lack of face. "Now, let's start with miss Undyne! Present your dish to our mystery judge!" 

"IT'S ME, I'M THE JUDGE! HELLO, EVERYONE!" Papyrus waved excitedly from the couch. Mettaton sighed and pinched his... screen, between two fingers. He motioned for Undyne to step forward, but she stomped instead. 

"Prepare for the best spaghetti you've ever tasted in your life!" Undyne unveiled her dish, throwing a fork at Papyrus' head. He didn't even flinch as it impaled him. 

"WOWIE, UNDYNE! IT LOOKS GREAT! AND VERY GREEN, TOO!" Papyrus yanked the fork out of his skull and twirled up a bite of avocado/pear spaghetti. He shoveled it past his giant teeth, and it plopped into his lap. "...WELL. THAT'S CERTAINLY AN INTERESTING TASTE. I'LL GIVE IT FOUR PAPYRUS HEADS OUT OF SEVEN." 

Mettaton played a pre-recorded clip of his own clapping. "Wonderful, wonderful! And now, let's hear it for the lovely Sans!" There was a moment of silence. Frisk coughed robotically. "That's your cue, sweetheart." Mettaton swatted the snoozing skeleton on the back of the head and he pitched forward, his plate of food(?) tipping directly into Papyrus' hands.

"WOWIE, FINGER FOODS!" Papyrus mashed handfuls of cold, stiff noodles covered in wet, mushy tomatoes against his face. "WOWIE, SUCH A BOLD TASTE! I'LL GIVE IT SEVEN BONES OUT OF TWELVE!" Sans was unable to celebrate, due to being asleep on the floor. Mettaton gently wheeled him aside. 

"And now, for our final contestant- the humaaaaan!" He popped a party popper in the air, raining confetti down on the limp Sans. Frisk peered at the skeleton in concern before stepping up and presenting their plate of pasta to Papyrus. 

"HMMM... THIS LOOKS... WEIRD." Papyrus bit into a forkful, his eyes(?) bugging out of his head. "OH MY GOODNESS GOSH! THAT TASTE, THAT TEXTURE... TENDER PASTA, FLAVORFUL, CHUNKY TOMATO SAUCE, FINELY GRATED CHEESE!! THIS IS ABSOLUTELY AWFUL. IT TASTES NOTHING LIKE ANY PASTA I'VE EVER EATEN. I'LL GIVE IT A SANS OUT OF ACTUAL HUMOR." Papyrus flung the plate in Frisk's face, and they cried many tears. 

"Well, there you have it, folks! Our very own Undyne, Captain of the Royal Guard, is the grand winner!" Mettaton reached out to pat her on the back, recoiling when she snapped at his hand with murder teeth. "Hahaha... let's just... here you go." He flung a notecard at her. 

"The hell is this?" Undyne squinted at the tiny text written on the card. She put on her prescription eyepatch, and then tried again. "'Congrats. Many kisses, Mettaton' ...This is the prize?" 

"Well, I didn't have the budget for an extra million microseconds of air time," Mettaton replied apologetically. "So you got the consolation prize." 

Frisk raised a hand, wiping spaghetti off their face with the other. "What's the replacement for the consolation prize?" They waited patiently, watching as Mettaton hemmed and hawed.

"Welllllllllllllllllll..." Mettaton reached out, and very carefully patted Frisk on the head. "There you are, darling. Now, my lovelies, I'm afraid it's time to say goodbye for this episode! Be sure to join us next week, for another exciting episode of 'Cooking With a Killer Robooooooooooot'!" Mettaton flew off through the hole in the ceiling, disappearing off into the distance. 

There was a circle of awkward eye contact. "...anyone wanna order a pizza?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapters may or may not be coming more slowly from now on. Who knows, I might resume daily postings, I might not. Just don't get your hopes up.


	76. Crossroads

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Toilets are expensive.

"SAAAANS! THE TOILET IS BROKEN! AGAIN!" Papyrus' unreasonably loud voice didn't exactly float down the stairs; it was more like an avalanche of lead bricks, which smacked Frisk right in the face. 

"that's what happens when you let undyne into the house." Sans calmly stepped to the left, milliseconds before a glowing spear was hurled into the wall beside his head. 

"It's not my fault your toilet can't take a few harmless pile drivers!" Undyne scoffed and flipped her ponytail, returning to hammering out the dents in her helmet with her bare hands. 

"IT DOESN'T MATTER WHY THE TOILET IS BROKEN, JUST THAT IT IS!" 

"right, sorry bro. lucky for us, i know a great toilet repair guy. let me just drop him a porce-line." Frisk giggled uncontrollably as Undyne groaned aloud. 

"WOWIE. MAYBE I'LL NEED TO CALL UP A BROTHER REPAIR SERVICE TOO, BECAUSE THAT ONE WAS ALMOST FUNNY! NYEH HEH HEH HEH!" Papyrus stuck his head out of the bathroom. "HEH!"

"c'mon, you know comments like that... won't get under my skin." Sans winked at nobody in particular, and they winked back. Frisk winked excitedly at the skeleton, but he was already busy with other things, like standing. 

"SO... WAS THE KNOWING A TOILET REPAIR PERSON THING JUST A JOKE, OR ARE YOU ACTUALLY GOING TO CALL SOMEONE? THE GREAT PAPYRUS' TALENTS ARE MANY, BUT THEY UNFORTUNATELY DO NOT INCLUDE TOILET REPAIR. USING THE TOILET, HOWEVER-"

Papyrus was somehow cut off as Frisk waved their arms in the air, as if they were indifferent about something related to arm waving. "Okay, let's not incorporate toilet humor in this." 

"bit late for that, don't you think?" Sans removed the plunger that had been stuck to his head for reasons beyond the understanding of mere mortals. 

"THERE IS NOTHING HUMOROUS ABOUT TOILETS. ESPECIALLY NOT BROKEN ONES!" Papyrus waved a toilet plunger that may or may not have been the same one Sans was just wearing. 

"Well, good luck with the toilet thing, but I should be on my way. Royal Guard stuff, and all that. Say, human, how about you join me outside for a quick chat?" Undyne smiled toothily, grabbing Frisk by the arm and dragging them outside before any protest could be made. 

Frisk smiled nervously, all too aware of Undyne's crushing grip on their upper arm. "S-so, uh... what did you want to talk about-" They yelped as Undyne grabbed them by both shoulders, slamming them into the side of the house with a muted crack. Frisk wasn't sure if the sound was from the house, or them. 

"Listen up, punk. What you were saying, about giving up your soul to free all monsters... that's a real noble thing to do." Undyne's gaze hardened, and she tightened her armored grip. "BUT, I get the feeling you were just doing that for pity points, you manipulative little snot. The ONLY reason I haven't gutted you is because you have Papyrus and his brother on your side. Papyrus has never stood up to me like that before, about anything. Why he'd do it for someone he barely knows escapes me, but as long as he's willing to stand up for what he believes is right, I'm willing to respect it." 

"I-I didn't mean to cause any sort of falling out-" Frisk snapped their mouth shut when they noticed the intensity of Undyne's glare. 

"Don't give me your saccharine shlock! If you REALLY mean what you said, about giving up your soul, then you'll march right up to Asgore himself and GIVE it to him. I don't care what you tell those boneheads, I don't even care if you just sneak away in the middle of the night- you're going to give that soul to the king and free us. Papyrus might be broken up about it at first, but he'll get over it. He'll forget you, because he barely even knows you." She made a noise of disgust when she saw the tears building in Frisk's eyes. "What the hell are you getting all teary eyed about? It's not like you know them either! What, you get captured and make spaghetti with them, and they're suddenly your best pals? Get real. Your 'woe is me' shit isn't gonna work on me." 

Frisk fought down a sniffle, trying to convey their sincerity. "I'm not trying to-" 

"SAVE IT! I don't CARE what you have to say! You've got two choices here: you can either give up your soul and die a hero to all monsters, or you can hide down here behind those two like a pathetic coward. Considering you dared to face me in battle, you must be more than the snivelling goody-two-shoes that you pretend to be." Undyne carelessly dropped them, turning away as Frisk slid down into the snow. "Later." She walked off back towards Waterfall, her helmet tucked under her arm. 

...Maybe trying to recreate all their relationships wasn't such a good idea, after all. But.. would giving up their SOUL even work? Would Asgore be willing to take it, in this timeline? Everyone was so different, and still exactly the same. It was... confusing, to say the least. Maybe just sticking around for a while was their best bet. It worked well enough the last time, right? Although... Undyne seemed even more hostile, when they weren't a child. Was that really their ace in the hole? Frisk wasn't sure how they'd kept up the appearance of an eight year old for so long, or how it had changed. They also had no idea if it was possible to appear like one again. Frisk was broken from their thoughts as a toilet crashed into the snow in front of them, prompting a startled squeak. 

"YOUR TOILET HAS ARRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVED!" Sang an anthropomorphic rhinoceros monster with a giant, bushy mustache as it slowly rode by on a child's scooter. Frisk watched in something like awe for the eight and a half minutes it took for the monster to leave their field of view. 

"WOWIE, THAT WAS FAST!" Papyrus' voice came from above, through an open window. "GUESS WE WON'T BE NEEDING THIS ANYMORE!" Two halves of a toilet were shoved out through the window, and Frisk scrambled to... scramble, out of the way. 

There were no survivors. Probably.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback on what path to go with this story would be appreciated. More chapters/humor or more plot/faster conclusion?


	77. Turning Point

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Getting ready to push forward.

Several hours of incredibly uninteresting toilet replacement went by, during which time Sans and Papyrus exchanged banter that I'm sure was extremely witty, while Frisk remained mostly silent and contemplative. They spent most of the replacement process on the floor, mechanically passing over tools when prompted, and dredging up monosyllabic answers to questions directed at them. Papyrus remained entirely oblivious to their subdued behavior, chattering very, very loudly about whatever sort of inane things came to mind. Finally, Papyrus declared it time for him to 'christen' the new toilet, and shooed his brother and the human out of the bathroom.

"so, human... you've been quiet, ever since undyne went off to do that 'work' thing. any reason for that?"  
Frisk almost asked why Sans kept calling them 'human', but remembered that the skeletons didn't even know their name, yet. They could practically feel their heart sinking. What were they even thinking, anyway? Trying to rebuild their life with nothing. Less than nothing. Things would never be the same, and they'd just have to get over it.

"human?" Sans stared up at them inquisitively, hovering on the edge of concern.

"Oh.. sorry, I was... lost in thought. I.. Undyne, she... just said some things I needed to hear, I think." They left it vague, not wanting to let Sans build any sort of case. Not wanting to give the skeleton the ability to make them think they could be happy again. "Is it... alright if I stayed the night, here? If not, I can go to the inn, it's no big deal-"

"sure, you can spend the night. it's about the best we can do to make up for capturing you, after all. hell, after that, it's no wonder you're still acting... cagey." Sans winked, and received a quiet laugh from the human.

Frisk smiled gratefully, trying to remember their manners. "Thank you, I appreciate it. Is there... a guest room, or?" If the shed counted as their guest room, then Frisk was more than happy to sleep on the couch again.

"sofa-ar, the closest thing we've got is the couch. hope you like lumps." Sans didn't appear particularly concerned with their comfort, which they didn't mind too much. He barely knew them, after all.

"That was an awful joke." But Frisk smiled anyway, taking any chance they could to enjoy Sans' terrible jokes.

Sans shrugged, unconcerned. "can't all be winners. but uh, after that pizza, i'm feeling pretty stuffed. think i'll hit the hay a bit early. night, human." The skeleton raised a hand in farewell before turning around and slowly shuffling up the stairs.

"Night, Sans." Frisk watched him go for several minutes before settling down on the couch, and continuing to watch. When they were sure he had actually made it into his room, they pulled out the phone Toriel had given them. It was answered on the second ring.

"Hello? This is Toriel speaking."

"Hey, m-.. Toriel. This is Frisk. ...The uh, the human." Boy, weren't they just the absolute champion of being inconspicuous?

"Oh." She sounded surprised. "For what reason did you call? Is there a puzzle that is troubling you?"

"No, no... I just wanted to let you know I was okay. I met some nice skeletons, and they're letting me stay the night." Frisk leaned back against the familiarly lumpy cushions, finding that they could match up every single one to what they remembered.

"Oh, good. That is very good." Toriel murmured something to herself, before speaking louder. "I assume you will be making your way to the capital, to escape through the Barrier?"

"I.. guess that's the plan, yeah. Is there anything I should know about?" As if Toriel could tell them anything they didn't already know. But, it never hurt to ask.

"There is only one thing. The king, Asgore... you cannot let him take your soul. With it, he will break the Barrier, and unleash war upon the humans above. But it is not them I am worried about... even with seven human souls, Asgore alone will not be enough to defeat them. Monsters will not be so lucky as to be trapped Underground a second time; if Asgore declares war... we will be eradicated. You cannot allow this to happen."

"I understand. ...Thank you, Toriel. For everything you've done." Frisk cradled the phone against their cheek, in lieu of being able to physically hug their surrogate mother.

"I.. you are welcome, human- Frisk. I only wish I could have done more."

"You did more than enough," Frisk reassured, forcing a smile that nobody would see. "I should let you go. I'll call again, I promise."

"Very well. Until then, Frisk. Be safe." Toriel hung up without another word. She always was bad about that. Frisk tucked away their phone, trying to ignore the sounds of Papyrus serenading the toilet as they settled down on the couch. Exhausted from the day's events, they were asleep in moments.

  
\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Frisk felt a pressure on their chest. They leaned down enough to brush their nose against it, finding something soft. It smelled of dead flowers. They wrapped their arms around the warm thing on their chest, trying to slip back into blissful unconsciousness. Something smooth and immaterial brushed against their face, and Frisk wrinkled their nose. This did nothing to ward off the insistent contact, and they irritably opened their eyes to stare into red, red, RED.   
  
" **You're a very selfish person, Frisk,"** Chara spoke conversationally, crimson eyes solid and glassy. " **You work so hard to make everyone happy, but it's all for your sake. You want people around to make YOU happy. And the best way to do that is make them happy, too. But you can't please everyone, Frisk. Not everyone wants to be your friend. Undyne certainly proved that, didn't she?"**  
  
"It doesn't matter anymore," Frisk replied quietly.   
  
**"I suppose it doesn't. You don't plan to make friends again, anyway. That would just be too much trouble, wouldn't it?"** Chara mocked.  **"Instead, you're going to give up your SOUL. A human selflessly sacrificing their life to free an entire race of people... such a nice ending, isn't it? But we both know that's not why you're doing it. You just want it all to end. You're tired of playing the game, and you want one last happy ending before you quit for good. It's not going to work, and we both know that. Without you as ambassador, humans will be fearful, distrustful... sure, there might be peace for a little while, but eventually... well, it'll be a lot dustier, that's for sure."**  
  
"It worked out last time, didn't it? I... Toriel and Asgore did most of the work-" 

 **"But you were still ambassador. You gave the monsters their alibi. They were SO very kind that they protected the human that fell down, and they were even thoughtful enough to return the bodies of the ones that tragically died from the fall. If humans had remembered what the Barrier was made of, how it worked... Well, your happy ending wouldn't have lasted very long. This one won't either, Frisk. You'll be taking the coward's way out for nothing. But you don't actually care, do you? You just want it to be over with. Poor little Frisk... no matter how hard they try, nothing ever works out for them. They get a taste of happiness, and then it's all ripped away. It'd be so much easier if you just let me have your SOUL. You, me, Asriel... it could just be the three of us, forever and ever. Or maybe just the two of us. Asriel is such a crybaby, after all... and Flowey is just so irritating. Just think of it... you and I, alone together. It'll be nice, and quiet, for the rest of time. Doesn't that sound nice?"** Chara crooned, brushing dead fingertips against Frisk's cheek. They were scalding hot.   
  
"No... I don't want that. I just wanted everyone to be happy," Frisk argued, sounding lost. "That means you and Asriel, too. You don't deserve what happened to you-"  
  
**"Don't you dare tell me what I 'deserve',"** Chara hissed.  **"My choices were my own.  I don't want your cliche happy ending, even if you could make it happen. You can't save everyone, Frisk. There's no perfect run. There's only me, there's only MY way. Even if you do make friends with everyone, pretend to be a perfect little family with them, it'll all end. I AM that end. The end of all things."**  
  
Frisk hugged the spirit close, smiling in that benevolent way that Toriel always had. "You're just a kid, Chara. Just like me. You can pretend to be big and scary, but I know you just want to be happy. We both know that. It's what everyone wants, right?" 

 **"Shut up, shut up! It doesn't even matter! You can't just FIX everything! You know that, and that's why you're giving up your SOUL. Because you know that no matter how hard you try, you'll always fail. Now wake up, you idiot. Go and die,"** Chara ordered petulantly.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When Frisk woke up, their chest felt oddly light. They kept their eyes shut, stuck in the limbo of having to wake up and wanting to go back to sleep.   
  
"WOWIE! SANS, COME LOOK, THE HUMAN IS PUTTING ON A LIGHT SHOW!" Papyrus' loud voice had their eyes snapping open, and they were greeted by the sight of their SOUL, flashing rapidly between two different shades of red. Chara must have been really upset. 

They almost felt bad about it. 

 

 


	78. Departure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The beginning of the end.

The next half hour was spent half-heartedly consoling a pouting Papyrus, who had been 'ABOUT TO DROP A SWEET FREESTYLE' before Frisk had reigned in their SOUL. It thrummed noticeably inside their chest, like a second heartbeat. Frisk decided to take comfort in it, because their only other option was to have a serious existential crisis. 

"Papyrus," they interrupted the endless tirade, leaving the skeleton frozen in mid yell. "I wanted to thank you, for you and your brother's hospitality. And for defending me from Undyne. Oh, and for the milk, too." 

"NYEH! YOU ARE QUITE WELCOME, HUMAN! AND, ABOUT THE WHOLE 'CAPTURING YOU' THING.." Papyrus was cut off once more, surprisingly. 

"It's fine, I understand. You were just doing your job." Frisk smiled, and patted him on a fashion basketball shoulderpad. 

"OH, GOOD. WHERE EXACTLY ARE YOU PLANNING TO GO AFTER THIS, HUMAN? THE UNDERGROUND IS... NOT VERY EXPANSIVE, I'M AFRAID." Papyrus stared at them in that way he always did, sockets wide and brimming with latent excitement. 

Was there really any point in lying? "I'm going to the Capital. To see the king." Frisk winced as the excitement drained from Papyrus' face. 

"HUMAN, DO YOU NOT REMEMBER WHAT UNDYNE SAID? THE KING WILL NOT HESITATE TO K... T-TO TAKE YOUR SOUL! OUR FREEDOM IS NOT WORTH THE DEATH OF AN INNOCENT PERSON!" 

"He won't be taking it from me. I'm giving it to him." They could feel it fluttering somewhere in their chest. 

"PLEASE, RECONSIDER! YOU COULD.. STAY HERE, WITH MY BROTHER AND I! I'M SURE WE COULD FIND YOU A JOB. AND I KNOW UNDYNE WOULD COME AROUND EVENTUALLY! AND THE ROYAL SCIENTIST, DOCTOR ALPHYS, IS WORKING TIRELESSLY TO FIND A WAY TO BREAK THE BARRIER WITHOUT USING THE HUMAN SOULS! SOMEONE AS SMART AS HER.. I'M SURE SHE'LL FIGURE OUT A WAY IN NO TIME! AND THEN, WE CAN ALL GO UP TO THE SURFACE TOGETHER, AND MAKE FRIENDS WITH THE HUMANS! AND... YOU CAN GO BACK TO YOUR FAMILY AND FRIENDS UP THERE!" Optimism leaked from Papyrus' words like rays of pure sunshine. He grinned hopefully at the human. 

Frisk smiled, and it wobbled at the corners. "I... I don't have anyone to go back to, Papyrus. And I'm just so tired. I need to do this; you have to understand." 

"I... SANS, SAYS THAT A LOT TOO. THAT HE'S TIRED, EVEN AFTER NAPPING. I DON'T THINK HE IS VERY HAPPY, HUMAN. AND... I GET THE FEELING THAT YOU AREN'T EITHER. BUT THAT JUST MEANS YOU CAN'T GIVE UP! YOU HAVE TO TRY EVEN HARDER TO FIND WHAT DOES MAKE YOU HAPPY! I BELIEVE YOU CAN DO IT, HUMAN, AND SO SHOULD YOU!" Papyrus laid a compassionate hand on their shoulder. He looked startled when a sob ripped out of their throat. 

"I... I've tried, Papyrus. I tried so hard, but nothing ever works. I'm... I came to terms with it. I'm never getting a happy ending. This is the best I can do, for everyone. I want to free everyone, so that at least I can make other people happy. So just.. don't worry about me, okay? Focus on you and your brother." Frisk sniffed and wiped at their eyes, gently pulling away from the skeleton's hand. 

"...I SEE. I HAVE A FEELING THAT NOTHING I CAN SAY WILL CHANGE YOUR MIND. THIS SADDENS ME GREATLY. BUT IF THIS IS TRULY YOUR DESIRE... I CANNOT STAND IN YOUR WAY. BUT I DO HAVE SOMETHING TO GIVE YOU, BEFORE YOU LEAVE." Papyrus reached out, and pulled the human into a cold, bony hug. "THANK YOU FOR SAVING US, HUMAN. I ONLY WISH... I COULD HAVE KNOWN YOU BETTER." 

Frisk clung to the skeleton with all their might, crying quietly into the fabric of his cape. They produced no sound, save for the occasional sniffle and shuddering breath. Eventually they broke the embrace, turning a watery smile up at Papyrus. "...I hope you and your brother have a good life on the surface." 

"I AM CERTAIN WE WILL. THERE'S.. SOMETHING ELSE, I SHOULD GIVE YOU." Papyrus retrieved a worn backpack, which had been behind the television for some reason. "I BELIEVE THIS IS YOURS. I MEANT TO GIVE IT BACK EARLIER, BUT.." 

"It's not a problem." Frisk shrugged their arms through the straps, hefting the meager weight. "...Goodbye, Papyrus." They resisted the urge to hug the skeleton again, instead turning to walk through the front door. 

"GOODBYE, HUMAN." Papyrus watched them leave, an unusually somber expression on his frozen face. "GUESS I SHOULD GO TELL SANS THAT THE HUMAN LEFT. BUT IT WOULD BREAK HIS HEART IF I TOLD HIM WHY..." The skeleton rubbed his chin contemplatively. "...NO, I CANNOT KEEP SECRETS FROM MY BROTHER! CONSTANT COMMUNICATION IS KEY TO ANY RELATIONSHIP!" Feeling satisfied with his decision, he bounded up the stairs and knocked loudly on his brother's door. "YOU BETTER NOT BE DOING ANYTHING WEIRD IN THERE, SANS, BECAUSE I'M COMING IN!" Papyrus burst through the door... into an empty bedroom. "WELL, THAT'S ODD." 

"WHERE COULD HE HAVE GONE?"


	79. Second Thoughts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The right choice is never clear.

Snowdin was exactly as they remembered it. Small, cozy, filled to the brim with friendly warmth. Villagers mingled in the town square despite the freezing cold weather, the majority of them protected by thick fur coats, and thicker coats of fur. Frisk avoided making eye contact with the curious monsters, instead hunching their shoulders and hurrying towards the north end of town-

-only to be stopped in their tracks. "Yooo! You're a kid too, right? You're wearing a striped shirt, like me! Kind of a tall kid, huh?" Monster Kid danced from foot to foot in front of them, grinning excitedly. Before Frisk could get a word in edgewise, the young monster continued speaking. "Yo, did you see the fight that went down yesterday? It was wicked! Undyne showed up to take down a human, and she totally pounded them! At least, that's what I heard. It's funny... that silly skeleton guy came through here just before that, talkin' about how he captured a human! And they were there at the fight, too! I guess Undyne came to help them capture a second human? Two in one day, yo... that's crazy. You think there's a migration?" 

Frisk blinked down at the innocently smiling Monster Kid, wondering if they had ever been so chatty and inquisitive and... tiny. "I... don't think humans migrate?" 

"Yooo," Monster Kid began suspiciously, narrowing their eyes. "I heard that the human(s?) had on a striped shirt, too! And that they were tall!" Monster Kid glanced around, shifty eyed, before motioning with their head for Frisk to lean down. They did so, looking puzzled. "Yo... I think the human is ripping your style! That's way uncool!" 

Frisk laughed, loud and genuine and pleasantly surprised. It was the first time they could remember truly laughing since the RESET. "I think you might be right. I'll be sure to let them know to knock if off, if I see them." 

"Yo, glad to hear it! You gotta claim your branding, know what I mean? Anyway, I'm gonna go run in the other direction and look for Undyne! Maybe you could come with me one day?" Of course, Frisk wasn't allowed to feel good about anything for long. 

"Y...yeah. Maybe another day. Be safe, okay?" Frisk gently patted Monster Kid on the head, earning a little huff in return. 

"You sound just like my parents. Besides, if anything did happen, Undyne would save me!" Monster Kid posed proudly, and then fell on their face before they actually started running. But they powered through, sliding through the snow in the vague direction of Waterfall. Frisk watched them leave, smile slipping in increments. It wasn't worth thinking about. Fueled by nothing more than Determination, Frisk left for the north edge of Snowdin. 

"Tra la la... oh, hello. I am the Riverperson. Would you like to join me in a ride on my boat?" The hooded figure that manned the river ferry slowly turned to greet them, face completely veiled despite Frisk being able to see inside of the hood. Unless they didn't have a face, which wouldn't be too surprising at this point. 

"I'd like to go to Hotland, please." Frisk placed a small stack of G into a waiting palm, and then stepped onto the surprisingly sturdy boat. 

"Very well. Off we go." The boat stood atop the water, wooden tongue lolling as it ran over the surface of the river. "Tra la la... beware the demon that comes when you call its name. Royal blood flows through these lands, filled with nothing." 

That was surprisingly wordy for the Riverperson. Frisk would have asked for them to elaborate, but knew they would never get any explanation. Eventually, despite moving in the complete opposite direction, the boat came to a halt at Hotland's riverbank, and Frisk offered a polite 'thank you' before stepping onto solid ground. They waved at the Riverperson as they took the natural(?) staircase upwards, stopping at the location of one of their old SAVE points. They SAVEd without even thinking about it, feeling their SOUL thrum and twitch inside of them. What a peculiar feeling. They stared up at the blank steel face of Alphys' lab, wondering if they should go in and say hello. ...No, that'd just be a waste. Better she never met them. Instead they turned north, where a pair of tall, imposing Royal Guards were stationed. 

"Like, 'sup?" The one on the left called, still as a statue. "You're the human that Undyne told us about, right? Kinda tall, striped shirt, long hair... 'kind of a weenie'? " RG 01 squinted through his visor at a very tiny and angrily written slip of paper. "Yeah, that's what it says. That you, bro?" 

Great. Something to slow them down. "...Yes, that's me," Frisk replied carefully, steeling themself for the inevitable fight-

"Totally wicked. We were like, told to escort you, or whatever. To see king Asgore. Isn't that right, bro?" RG 01 nudged his fellow guard, who just barely looked at him. 

"...Yeah." 

Frisk eyed the two warily, before remembering that they were in absolutely no danger whatsoever, having SAVEd just a few moments ago. "Lead the way." 

"Righteous." The trio walked in silence, armored footsteps masking Frisk's own. They all squeezed into an elevator, which left little to no elbow room. RG 01 broke the silence. "So, like, what are you seeing the king for, anyway?" 

Interesting. "Undyne didn't tell you?" Frisk stared inquisitively up at the armored rabbit(?) monster. 

"Nah, she like, just told us to escort you to him, or whatever. Said to make sure you didn't 'chicken out', whatever that means. Yo, are you.. askin' the king on like, a date, or somethin'? That'd be totally rad. Big guy's been pretty lonely lately. If you are, me and RG 02 are totally rootin' for you." 

RG 02 shifted, just barely. "...Yeah." 

Frisk smiled, just a little. "No, I'm not asking him on the date. If Undyne didn't tell you, then she probably doesn't want you to know. Sorry." 

"Aww, wicked bummer. But like, good luck with whatever it is you're doin', dude. Dudette? Whatev." The rest of the elevator ride was quiet and uneventful. The walk up through MTT Resort earned a bit of hubbub from the patrons; who was that, why did they have an escort, did you see Mettaton's new haircut? Frisk barely heard a word of it. All they could hear was the frantic beating of their heart and SOUL. They squeezed into another elevator with the ridiculously bulky Royal Guards, emerging onto a walkway that looked over the vast, monochrome expanse of New Home. Frisk had tried exploring it before, in the 'correct' timeline. All the buildings had been empty. Empty of furniture, empty of monsters... empty of entertainment. Because that's all the value that timeline really had, anyway. It was just.. a series of screens, with the same puzzles to complete, the same monsters to fight, the same characters spouting the same lines... Sans was the closest thing to a real person they had encountered. Even now, they couldn't tell if the 'proper' Sans was actually freely thinking or not. Their Sans certainly was, and presumably so was the one in this timeline. From what they could tell, the timelines they created with each TRUE RESET were full of actually sentient people. They retained personality traits, but had greater depth than their 'cardboard' counterparts. Now that they thought about it... before they'd fallen for the first time, had any of the people on the surface actually been real? Or were they just walking dialogue dispensers, too? Was anyone actually real, even in the divergent timelines? Or had Frisk just not spent enough time in them to see the patterns? New Home was extremely mild in temperature, but Frisk felt frozen to the core. 

"Well, looks like this is as far as we go, bro. Like, good luck n' stuff." Frisk was broken from their long overdue existential crisis by the sound of RG 01's voice. They blinked, and found that they were in front of Asgore's front door. 

"Does Asgore not let the Royal Guards past his house?" How exactly did they deliver reports? From what Frisk could tell, Asgore was extremely reclusive. Maybe they were all sent through email. Did Asgore even have a computer? 

"Nah, we just can't fit through the front door." RG 01 flexed his giant, bulging, armor clad muscles for emphasis. 

"Oh. I guess that makes sense?" Maybe that was why Asgore never left the castle. 

"Anyway, we'll catch ya later!" RG 01 saluted, and RG 02 just barely inclined his head. They both turned to leave, and Frisk lurched forward as they remembered that they wouldn't have another chance to get the two together. They tapped on the back of RG 01's armor, holding a finger to their lips when he looked back at them. They motioned for him to lean in, and he obeyed.

"He won't wait forever, you know. Let him know while you still can." Frisk smiled encouragingly, and patted the flabbergasted guard on the pauldron. 

"H-how did you... no, you're right. I-I... I gotta let him know. Thanks, little dude. Dudette. Whatev." Frisk waved as RG 01 turned to catch up to his partner, and continued waving until they were out of sight. And then they were alone again. 

Asgore's house smelled exactly how they remembered. Clean soil, plant matter, the lingering aroma of tea. They wasted no time in heading into the first bedroom, retrieving the Worn Dagger and the Heart Locket. If everything went as planned, they wouldn't need either one, but they were still nice to have. Frisk could feel the locket throbbing in their hand, a steady tha-thump, tha-thump that reflected the beating of their own heart. Their SOUL quivered, just about leaping out of their chest. Chara's desperation was palpable. Their chance to end the world was slipping away with every second that passed. Chara yearned, ached, BURNED for Frisk's SOUL, trying to force it out and into The Locket. But Frisk's Determination was stronger than theirs. Everything was coming to an end... but this time, it would be on Frisk's terms. 

The walk to the Hall of Judgement was... serene. It hadn't really hit them yet, the full impact of their plans. They felt distant and immaterial, despite how quickly they were cementing. Frisk was almost floating when they entered the hall, footsteps echoing loudly. They continued forward, warmed by the artificial rays-

-"haven't you been a busy bee? there's been a bit of a buzz about you, you know. the first human captured in quite a long time, walkin' free. in the company of royal guards, no less. now, i'm not much for gossip, but i couldn't help but listen when a little skeleton told me that you were here to give your soul to asgore." Sans. It was always him, wasn't it? He was always doing something unexpected. Something they couldn't plan for. Every other time but one, he'd been waiting for them in this hall. And for some reason, they thought he wouldn't be. How nice it was to be surprised about something. 

"Are you going to judge me?" Frisk's voice sounded oh so small in the vast, expansive hall. Despite Sans not speaking much louder, he somehow filled the space with his deep, sleepy words. 

"i had a feeling you were more than meets the eye. done this song and dance before, have you?" Sans sounded casual, but looked intrigued. 

Brutal honesty was their only approach, at this point. Lies were worthless, anyway. "I've been here with you, before. Just not in this exact set of circumstances. Save for one time, whenever I come here, you always judge me." 

"well, sorry to burst your bubble, but you haven't done much worth judging. in and out, quick as a whip. but you're not leaving this place, are you? not the right way, at least." 

"You can't stop me from giving up my SOUL." Frisk sounded unsure; not in their statement, but in whether Sans was actually trying to stop them. 

"that's not why i'm here. i just wanted some... clarification." Sans stared at them in that way of his, casual and dull and unreadable. 

"Clarification about what? The time anomalies?" Best to just get everything out there. Secrets were worthless, anyway. 

Sans blinked slowly. "...sure, let's start with that. you're the anomaly, then? you're responsible for the fluctuating timelines?" 

"I am. At least, for a long time I have been. It wasn't always me." Frisk really hoped this didn't take long. 

"huh. so there's another. others, possibly. what exactly allows you to mess around with time? what's your reasoning behind it?" Sans stared at them with an unusual intensity, which had become just another piece of the Judgement process. 

"just one other that i know of. determination." Frisk paused, finding that they didn't have an easily spoken answer for the last question. "I... do it because I need to. Because I have no choice." 

"we always have a choice, friend. it's just that those choices stop mattering when you live in a world where everything can just be reset on a whim." Sans' voice dripped with accusation. 

"You're right. Choices don't matter when no matter how many times you try to go back and fix things, it always ends up the same way." Frisk's words fell flat and emotionless; they could practically see little letters littering the floor. 

"...what do you want, human? what do you get out of resetting over and over? why not just... take what you get, and roll with it, like the rest of us?" 

That certainly garnered a reaction. Frisk's emotionless facade shattered into an anguish that had been slowly growing and festering for over a decade. "Shut up! You just don't get it. I don't do it because I want to, I do it because I HAVE to! I have to get everyone out of here, I have to save the Underground, I have to make everyone happy, because THERE'S NOTHING ELSE! But no matter what I've done, everything always ends in a RESET! I can't save everyone, no matter what I do, so there's no point anymore! I spent ten years doing the same things, over and over again, hoping that something would change! And then, when everything DID change, and I was finally happy, I... I had to RESET again! I didn't have a choice! A-and now... everyone's gone. But you're all still right in front of me, you just don't remember! And I can't force you to, and I can't make everything how it used to be, and m-my friends and family are GONE and NEVER coming back!" Frisk tried to fight back a wave of tears, but they were determined to trickle forth. Hadn't they done enough crying? 

"...you're right. i don't get it. maybe i could understand, with time. but uh, it seems like time is something you have in short supply, huh?" Sans smiled, and closed his eyes. "listen. i'm not gonna tell you that you can't give up your soul. i don't think it's a good idea.. but what do i know? all i'm saying is that you should really think about what you're doing, what you've done.. what you have left to do. giving up? it hasn't worked well for me. and i get the feeling it won't work too well for you, either." 

"...I'm sorry. I love you Sans." They looked straight through him. Staring, but unseeing. 

"i'm sure he loves you too." Sans' footsteps were near silent, as he closed the distance. He passed the human with a pat on the shoulder, and he was gone when they turned to look at him, minutes later. 

Frisk pressed on. Their footsteps weighed heavy, shuffling and reluctant. Every inch took a monumental effort. The tiles underfoot swam in their vision, endless patterns of orange and yellow. The throne room was just down the hall. 

Toriel paused in the reading of a particularly racy romance novel when her phone went off. She picked up without looking at the number. "Hello, this is Toriel speaking." As if she didn't already know who it was. Only two people in the Underground had this number, and one was permanently set to 'ignore'. 

"Mom...?" The voice she'd expected, but not as she had expected it. It was broken and tearful, laced liberally with hiccups. "I-I don't think I want to die. But there's nothing left to do." 

A moment of shock, and then she was flooded with concern. The instinct to protect and nurture had never truly left her. "Frisk, what is wrong? Are you hurt?" She sat up in her seat, prepared to... to do what, exactly? Was there anything she really could do? Wherever they are, it would take too long for her to get there. 

"Don't hate Asgore, okay? And... I know they don't blame you. Either of you. Chara and Asriel loved you very much." 

"W...where did you hear those names?! Frisk-" Toriel interrupted herself, hearing the sound of low, cheerful, bumbling hums. "No..." 

"Goodbye, mom. I love you." Dial tone. Toriel stared blankly at her droning phone, tears matting the fur on her face. 

Frisk entered the Throne Room.


	80. Never Enough

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When at first you don't succeed...

They saw him, illuminated by weak rays of false sunlight, amongst a patch of golden flowers. They called out his name.

King Asgore Dreemurr turned at the sound of an unfamiliar voice, looking pleasantly surprised. "Oh, hello. Apologies, I was not expecting visito-" The king's eyes widened in horror, anguish and caution warring on his face. A plastic watering can fell from limp fingers. "...Oh."

"Asgore Dreemurr. I've come to make a deal." Frisk trembled on unsteady feet, but their voice was solid as iron. "My SOUL, for a promise." They read every line on his face, inquisitiveness and wariness and a deep, unwavering resolve.

"...What promise can I make to you, human?" Distrust was clear in his expression. Understandable, considering the very likely possibility that the last time he saw adult humans, they were slaughtering his people.

"That my death will be the last. That when monsters are freed from the Underground, they will greet the surface peacefully. There's been enough war between our peoples." Frisk could feel their SOUL pounding desperately. It was accompanied by the frantic, irregular leaps of their heart.

Asgore closed his eyes, and sighed a shuddering breath. "...Very well. You have my word that war will not be renewed by monsters. But know that if the humans strike the first blow, I will fell as many as I am able to protect my people."

"Then we are in agreement," Frisk confirmed, sounding more confident than they felt. "My SOUL for a promise of peace."

"Indeed. ...Come. Let us complete this ghastly business." Asgore hesitated to turn around, and Frisk could feel the weight of the dagger and an itch in their chest. They ignored it, and followed the boss monster through the Throne Room, SAVEing at every opportunity despite the utter futility of such a thing.

The Barrier was exactly as they had remembered; vast, unending, mezmerising to gaze upon. From within hidden slots in the floor, seven containers rose to waist height. Six of them contained glowing SOULs in a variety of colors. The seventh was soon to be filled. The king and the human made hesitant eye contact, and Frisk took the initiative. Their SOUL emerged without a sound, burning ruby red. It pulsed and quivered in the air, hovering just in front of them. Frisk cupped it in their hands, and felt the ghost of warmth envelop their insides. Frisk stepped forward, gazing up at the somber boss monster. They felt so small. "...Thank you, Mister Dreemurr. It was nice to meet you." They gently grasped one of his large, furry hands, and pressed their SOUL against his palm. They could feel the exact moment when the force that kept it tethered to their body snapped, and they saw the grief in Asgore's eyes before everything went black-

-Frisk stood outside of the Barrier room, gasping and choking for air. They slumped against the wall, clutching desperately at their chest. They felt as if they had been torn open and rearranged before being messily sewn up again. When the choking fit passed, Frisk realised with a gut wrenching mixture of horror and relief that they were still alive. "..No, no it has to work, it has to, it has to," they whispered desperately. They just hadn't done it right, that was all. Of course. All they had to do... Frisk clutched at the Worn Dagger like a lifeline, hands trembling and knuckles white.

The Barrier was the same as it had looked mere moments ago. Asgore stood, bathed in twilight, eyes downcast. He looked up when Frisk entered, and tried for a smile. "Your sacrifice will not be in vain, human. I promise, you will be remembered."

"...You might want to look away." Frisk turned the dagger over in their hands, wondering vaguely how painful this would be. They waited until he'd obediently turned away before hovering the point of the blade over their abdomen. Flooded by Determination, they tore through flesh with dulled steel, their breath leaving them in a choked scream. Tears of pain sprung to their eyes, and they knew nothing other than the piercing, burning agony of a knife in the gut. They carved and twisted with shaking hands, choked noises escaping their lips. They fell to their knees, removing the dagger before plunging it in, again and again. Blood spilled liberally onto the floor, turning it slick. They could feel the havoc they were wreaking taking its toll, feeling slowly draining from them as they became sluggish in their movements. As their lifeblood drained and they collapsed onto their side, they could hear the familiar sound of their SOUL shatteri-

-Frisk stood outside of the Barrier room, emitting a weak cry as they were hit with the ghost of the agony they had just put themself through. Utter panic clawed at the edges of their mind, but they pressed onwards, filled with Determination.

The Barrier pulsed and ebbed in an endless rhythm, and Asgore gazed deeply upon it, as he had surely done many times before.

"...You have to kill me." Asgore turned to them, shock and grief mingling on his face. "...I'm sorry. I wouldn't ask this of you if it weren't absolutely necessary."

"...I understand. I will... make it as quick as I can." Asgore slowly unveiled his trident, gripping it in powerful, capable hands. He stared at them mournfully, and closed his eyes. There was a flash of red, and then they were off their feet, insides torn asunder in a single, decisive motion. Asgore twisted and something popped-

-Frisk stood outside the Barrier room, and felt something break inside of them. Fueled by nothing more than Determination, they stepped inside, clutching the Worn Dagger.

"You have to fight me," they spoke, before Asgore could even think of saying anything. He stared at them in bewilderment. "Fight me, with everything you have. You have to take my SOUL by force, you have to want to kill me with every ounce of your being."

"I... I don't want to hurt anyone-"

"You HAVE to," Frisk interrupted, gaze wide and manic. "Think of your people, trapped down here for all eternity. Hopes crumbling into dust, with them soon to follow. You would be remembered as the failure king, if anyone were around to remember, at least. Monsterkind would fade from existence, and nobody would even care. Not unless you kill me, and mean it."

Asgore stared, gaze steely and unreadable. "..Very well. I will be the king I always should have been. I will show you no mercy, human, no matter how much it pains me." His trident came out in a glorious flash, his velvet cape flaring behind him. Resolve and duty weighed on his shoulders, but he stood tall and menacing despite it. Frisk faced him without fear, clutching their dagger. They made the first move, dashing towards the king and swiping out with their blade. It screeched against his armor, leaving a deep groove in the metal.

Asgore struck. His trident flashed like the reaper's own scythe, coming down with immense power. The human dodged like it was a game, a taunting smile on their face. The Barrier room lit up as torrents of fire spewed from the king's hand, aiming to incinerate the leaping, diving, ducking human. His resolve hardened as a swipe of the dagger sliced open his cheek, sprinkles of dust spilling to the floor. Their Killing Intent was rising, and his followed shortly. His trident rent the very air apart, wreathed in crackling orange flames. Fireballs came forth in swirling patterns, through which Frisk weaved like it was nothing. Sweat poured down their face from the elevated temperature, their SOUL flashing rapidly between two different shades of red. They spewed taunts and insults, desperate to bring forth the king's true power. They knew he could kill them, if he only tried hard enough. No matter what they said, they never saw rage on his face. Only resolve. Only determination. They cut and scraped and nicked, never drawing more than trickles of dust. His armor was covered in gouges and grooves before long, but he remained steadfast, fire swirling in pillars and waves and blasts and jets as he cleaved and stabbed.

And then, it happened. The human's HP depleted steadily, as they were caught in a swirling inferno. They stumbled weakly, covered in blistering burns. They lashed out at the king, and his trident ran them through. Asgore closed his eyes as their HP drained to zero-

-Frisk collapsed outside the Barrier room, tears streaming down their face. They dripped steadily onto the stone floor, forming a miniscule puddle. That was it, then. They couldn't do it. They were too Determined to die. They were destined to exist in a world where nobody remembered them, until they were inevitably forced to RESET and do it all over again, until they could no longer move, no longer think. To think that Determination would be their undoing... Frisk laughed, and it was not a very nice sound. It was high pitched and crackling, dripping with utter despair. Too much Determination... Frisk's noises of anguish stopped abruptly, and their teary eyes snapped open. Or maybe... they just didn't have _enough_  Determination.

Frisk LOADed their SAVE STATE in front of Alphys' lab.


	81. Pure Power

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two humans get exactly what they want.

Frisk could feel the air boiling around them. Every sensation was... different. New. Exciting. The itch of their clothes sticking to them, the heavy, all encompasing heat, the rough texture of bark against their palm. They could feel the steady pulse of blood, and remembered the sensation of it leaving them. They could feel their bones twist and click and interlock, and remembered what they looked like, broken and exposed. But there was no time for distractions. The hiss of hydraulics greeted them as they approached the entrance to Alphys' lab. The thick steel door slid open, revealing the darkened interior. The only light came from a lit computer monitor, before which Alphys sat, her head engulfed by a massive pair of headphones. Frisk closed the distance, footsteps clacking against tile. They stood directly behind her, and saw their reflection in the screen. They practiced a smile, and Alphys saw it too. Judging by the startled shriek, it must not have been a very nice one. 

She spun around in her chair, eyes wide and dilated under her glasses. "O-oh my god sorry about screaming, I just d-didn't expect anyone to b-be there and I thought you were a m-monster from this game I've been p-playing called R-Reflections where you play as someone that can s-see monsters b-b-but only in reflections and y-you have to use mirrors t-to navigate mazes and complete puzzles w-while being stalked by monsters. N-not like real monster monsters, but the h-horror fiction kind of monsters. I-It's really good, and it's got a s-super deep story that doesn't r-really come through on the surface but i-if you do some digging you find out a-about a lot of- oh, s-spoilers, b-but I'd totally recommend t-trying it out and-" Alphys made a noise of confusion as a finger was pressed to her mouth.

"Shh." Frisk smiled as patiently as they could manage, teeth glinting in the low light. "I need a favor from you, Dr. Alphys. It's very, very important." 

Alphys stared, realization finally flashing across her face. "O-oh. My god??? You're the h-h-human?? O-oh my god I d-didn't even realize, it was d-dark and the cameras don't really have the b-best resolution, and I-I didn't see you come up a-and I'm n-not even dressed I haven't s-showered how am I s-supposed to be a good host ALL I HAVE IS RAMEN-" 

"Your Determination. That's what I'm here for. I need everything that's left," Frisk interrupted, smile twitching. 

Alphys stared. She gently slipped off her headphones, and released a tiny giggle. It crackled with nerves. "I-I, uh... h-have no idea what you're talking about." 

Frisk did not look patient any longer. "I know everything you have ever done. The SOULS, the Amalgamates, the flower; everything. Now, I just need you to give me whatever Determination you have leftover." 

Alphys appeared on the verge of a panic attack. Her eyes were wide and darting, and her breaths came sharp and unsteady. "I-I... I d-don't know-" 

"Please don't lie to me," Frisk whispered, trying for a friendly, understanding smile. "I won't tell anyone. You have my word. But I need that Determination. And don't tell me you don't have any left. I know you do. Alphys... I need you to help me save the world." They grinned, eyes wide and sparkling and full of absolute mania. 

Alphys shrunk away, hesitantly flashing her teeth in a rictus grin. "..I-I'm going to need more i-information than that." 

"One day, without warning, this world is going to be destroyed. It will be nothing but ash and dust. All.. because... of you. Your Determination experiments.. they created new life, Alphys. A little flower, named Flowey. He is every bit of what remains of Prince Asriel, filled with Determination and lacking any sort of empathy or compassion. All he knows is boredom. At first, he was terrified. He had just died, and then woken up again as a flower. And then, he realized that he couldn't feel anything. He tried to invoke those feelings, staying with his parents, trying to feel their love. It never worked. He became so frustrated that he left, to wallow in misery. He decided that a life without love wasn't one worth living. But try as he might, he couldn't die. The same Determination that had given him life wouldn't let him take it away. Fascinated, he decided to experiment with his newfound powers. He used his powers of Determination to... control time, in a limited manner. If he said something that upset someone, he could LOAD a SAVE, and do it over. And they wouldn't know. He solved everyone's problems, over and over. He had more friends than he knew what to do with... but he never felt anything for them. The only one he wanted was them... his sibling. The first fallen human." Alphys eyes steadily grew wider and wider as the explanation continued. "He grew so bored of making friends with people that he didn't care about, that he decided to see what would happen if he just.. killed them. All of them, in different ways. But eventually, he got tired of that, too. All he wanted was Chara, and they were the one thing he could never get back. So Asriel decided that this world was worthless without them, and planned to destroy it. He did everything he could think of to try and get the six human SOULs from Asgore, but nothing ever worked. And then I fell. A human child, fresh to the Underground, completely unaware of what was going on. His big break had finally come. He could take my SOUL, and challenge Asgore for the others. Then, with seven SOULs, he would become unstoppable. Capable of destroying the entire world, to finally have peace. But... it didn't work. I was saved from him by Toriel, and when he tried to LOAD and do it over... he couldn't, because my innate Determination overwrote his own. Now that he didn't have a failsafe, he had to be careful, and thoughtful. Knowing that eventually I would have to fight Asgore to get out of the Underground, he waited until I had brought the king to the brink of death before destroying him and his SOUL. He took the six human SOULs and became a horrible creature, one that could overpower my Determination. Finally, he could destroy me, and the world, as many times as he pleased." 

Alphys stared, eyes wide as she processed this tidal wave of information. "...W-what happened? Clearly, h-he didn't destroy you." 

Frisk smiled nostalgically. "The human SOULs rebelled against him. They aided me in defeating him, and his powers were lost. He was vulnerable, weak. And I SPAREd him. I didn't believe in hurting others. I thought everyone was redeemable, that they all had some good inside of them, even if you couldn't see it. And then I escaped the Underground, alone. Everything was dark, and I didn't understand what was happening, until I got a phone call. From all of you, telling me how life had changed down here. How even without the human SOULs, you would stay strong, and keep hoping for freedom. And I was so sad. All my friends, cursed to stay down here for however long it took to get another seven SOULs. I wasn't happy with that ending, and Flowey knew it. He came to me, and told me... that if I helped you, I'd get the true ending. One where everyone could be happy together." 

"H-help me? W..with the a-amalgamates?" Alphys spoke hesitantly, but pure fascination and curiosity were written on her face. 

"And to get you and Undyne together." Frisk brusquely waved her blush away. "So I went to the True Lab, and found all your logs about your Determination experiments, and how they had gone wrong. How you were too scared to tell anyone what had happened. And I found a set of tapes, that told me more than I had already known. About Asriel, and the first human. Then, I found you. You had come down to set things right, to take the amalgamates back to their families. You thanked me for supporting you, and we parted ways. I returned to New Home, to face Asgore, completely trusting that somehow, I'd get a better ending. Asgore was waiting, prepared to do what he thought had to be done. The queen returned, just before the first attack, and stopped the fight. She said that forcing me to take Asgore's life to escape the Underground was a terrible thing, and that freedom was not worth the death of another. And all my friends showed up, each talking about how they had come to prevent the fight, and make sure I was okay. And I thought... maybe the Underground wasn't so bad. Maybe it would be alright to stay down here, with the friends I had made. It wasn't to be, of course. Flowey had orchestrated the entire thing, using Papyrus to draw everyone into one place. He took the human SOULs, and then tried to kill me again. But my friends protected me. You protected me, Alphys. Everyone, every single monster I had met and befriended showed up to help me. And then Flowey took their SOULs.With proper monster SOULs inside of him again, Flowey revealed himself to be Asriel Dreemurr. He fought me, mistaking me for the first fallen human. Chara. He claimed that he was done with wanting to destroy the world. He just wanted to RESET, so that he could keep me forever. He didn't want to stop playing with his best friend. Eventually, he absorbed every monster SOUL in the Underground, enough to create the equivalent of a seventh human SOUL. Asriel became a god. He could finally kill me, in a world where I'd be forgotten." 

Alphys held her breath, wishing she had some popcorn or chisps. 

"I didn't let him. I saved the SOULs he had absorbed, reminding them of everything that had happened. And... then I tried to save him. He realized that I wasn't who he thought I was, and told me how much the monsters he had absorbed loved me. He regretted everything he'd done, and used his power to break the Barrier before returning all the SOULs. He saved everyone, and I couldn't even save him." Frisk smiled, just a little. "Pathetic, is it not? I had gotten the happy ending I'd dreamed of, but I couldn't even share it with the one that had given it to me. Having no other choice, I went up to the surface with my friends, and I watched them gaze upon the sun for the first time. ...And then I woke up, on a bed of flowers, deep in the Ruins. Clearly, I must have done something wrong. I was determined to make everything right, and make sure everyone got to see the sun, and live the lives they deserved. But... I realized something. Everything was... the same. All the people, all the events. Everything unfolded the same way it had before. And it ended the same way, too. I tried everything I could think of; what little I was capable of, at least. Eventually, I grew frustrated. Restless. ...Bored. I wondered, for a moment, what would happen.. if I hurt them, instead? What if I just killed them all? Would something new and interesting happen?"

Alphys covered her mouth in horror, eyes wide as she stared at the stoic human. "And then... as I tasted the dust of monsters for the first time, I felt them. They whispered inside of me, inside my head, inside my SOUL. As I killed, and killed, I lost all sense of myself. I could barely feel my arms, or my legs. I could hardly think, beyond the desire to kill. It was like... I wasn't me, anymore. Like someone else was in control. Someone that wanted to see the end of the world. I.. they... we killed everything we could find. Nothing stood in our way. Nothing except for him. Sans, the most unlikely obstacle. He was the most powerful opponent I had ever faced, and I died, again and again. The frustration grew into anger, into rage, into hate. I could feel my arms, and my legs, and the handle of a knife. I wanted to kill him, Alphys, more than I had ever wanted anything before. And when I finally did... I felt empty. Unfulfilled. Sickened. I knew then that nothing was worth this slaughter. I RESET, and put everything right. But then... I had an idea. When Flowey had consumed the six human SOULs, his powers of Determination grew. He could load STATEs, flipping back and forth through time at will. I thought... maybe I could do that, too. But.. where would I get more Determination?" Frisk smiled at the look of realization on the scientist's face. "You helped me more than you would ever know. I had more Determination than anyone ever could. I could visit every moment I'd ever experienced in that timeline, and manipulate events to my liking. For a long time, I played god, with no consequences. But ten years is a long time, Alphys. I grew frustrated, and restless, and bored. I decided... a world where nothing ever changes was not one worth remembering. I initiated a TRUE RESET, to wipe the slate clean. Everything I had ever done, every record of it would be erased forever. I had hoped.. that it would erase me, too. Make me fresh and new, again. Because if I couldn't escape, I could at least learn everything anew. But things didn't work out. I remembered everything. But... nothing was as I remembered. As time passed, events grew farther and farther from the driven path. People were new, and interesting, and dynamic. They were real. I was happier than I had ever been. I had real friends, I had a real life. I helped break the Barrier, and started a new life on the surface with everyone. It was the happy ending I had always wanted." 

"B..but it d-didn't last, did it?" Alphys had no idea what to feel, anymore. In the face of this... creature, that had manipulated the lives of everyone around them because they were bored. A creature that had been trapped, possibly more-so than anyone else. 

"No, it didn't. I.. I was scared, because everything was going so well. You were all finding jobs, opportunities... living your own lives. I was afraid that you'd all leave me, and I'd be alone. I created a save, and lived out my life, for a time. Everything that I feared had come to pass. We drifted apart, further and further. My friends, my family... all lost to me. I couldn't let that happen. I reverted, and used my Determination to manipulate the timeline, creating a stable loop. Everything was as perfect as it could be. My friends were with me all the time, and we were always doing something new, and fun, and exciting. But.. it wasn't real. Not completely. The only real one was Sans. And, well... he saw through the illusion. He convinced me to end the loop, and to let you all live your lives. He told me..." Frisk choked on a breath. "He told me, that the real Frisk would want their friends to be happy, no matter what. He told me he'd never leave me, and he wouldn't let everyone separate for good. So I decided to listen. And for a time, everything was alright. I couldn't see my friends every single day, but they didn't care about me any less. I was happy. Everyone was happy... except for one person. Flowey. His plans to absorb the SOULs in this timeline had been foiled, and he'd almost been destroyed. But his Determination kept him clinging to life, and he eventually reconstituted. Having never found closure, he was obsessed with bringing back Chara, considering he no longer had the means to destroy the world. He gathered the remains of the SOULs, and brought them back to his best friend's body, hoping it would be enough to resurrect them. It wasn't, not completely. But part of their spirit, their essence, latched onto Flowey, the perfect vessel. They whispered to him, creating plans and relaying instructions. Chara... the part that inhabits me, they manipulated my dreams, I think. Made me wary, afraid. I had to make sure Flowey wasn't a threat anymore. I went back to the Underground with Sans, and found him in the Ruins. The closer I got, the stronger Chara's influence became, until.. I wasn't myself anymore. I don't remember what happened, but somehow I had come back to one of my SAVEs. And then Flowey killed him. Just... tore Sans apart. He had absorbed the human SOUL fragments and then took Sans' SOUL as well, turning back into Asriel. He told me that he could feel again, thanks to Chara and the fragments. He said that with my SOUL, Chara could come back, and the three of us could destroy the world, and be together forever. I LOADed, and we ran for the surface, where Flowey was waiting. Again, he killed Sans, and said that nothing I did would matter, that this was the way things were meant to go. I had no choice but to LOAD again... and then Chara spoke to me directly. Told me that the timeline I had inadvertently created was unstable, and that constantly LOADing and SAVEing would tear it apart. They gave me an ultimatum: I could hope Sans would kill Asriel, so that we could escape, and possibly end up destroying the timeline in the process of LOADing, I could give Chara my SOUL, so that we could destroy the world together... or I could TRUE RESET, and hope things went better this time. And... I ended up here. My entire life, erased in an instant. I thought, foolishly, that I could just make it again. Rebuild my bonds with everyone, re-orchestrate the events that had lead to our freedom. But... Undyne made it clear that it wouldn't happen. She.. gave me the idea, to give up my SOUL to Asgore. ...I'm so tired, Alphys. I just wanted to rest. So I went to the king, and gave him my SOUL... and it didn't work!" Frisk laughed miserably. "I was too Determined to pass on. I was ready to give up, for good." 

"T...then why are you h-here? If you have t-too much Determination to..." Alphys cleared her throat. "W-what good would more do you?" 

Frisk smiled, wide and toothy. "Don't you understand? The more Determination I have, the greater my powers are. I'm going to tear time itself apart until I can retrieve my own timeline, and find a way to fix everything. I'll save the world, Alphys. All of them. I just need your Determination. And you're going to give it to me." 

The scientist felt the unspoken threat hanging in the air. A creature with so much power... she couldn't do anything to them. They'd come back if she somehow managed to kill them, and they had the power to just... completely erase the timeline. She'd cease to exist, and they'd surely just move on and find another Alphys to steal Determination from. "..A-alright. I'll help you. L-let me just go get-" 

"I'll accompany you." Frisk nearly yanked her out of her chair, speed walking over to the elevator. Alphys snatched her hand back, shrinking away from the creature. She shakily hit the button for the elevator, and they rode downwards in silence. The walk through the True Lab was silent and tense. Alphys led them to the refrigeration room, reaching inside one of the refrigerators to retrieve a tall vial, corked and filled with a thick, molten red liquid that gave off a dull radiance. 

"T-this is all I have left. Here." Alphys retrieved a sterilized syringe, passing it to the human. "I-I'm sure you can m-manage that on your own." 

Frisk said nothing, simply staring at the vial with a consuming hunger. They popped out the cork, drawing forth as much liquid Determination as they could with the syringe. They took care to reseal the vial and tuck it away in their pack, before flicking the needle to release any air pockets. They carefully expelled the trapped air, before jamming the needle into their upper arm and pressing down on the plunger. They could feel the exact moment it entered them. Power, beyond anything they had ever known. It rushed through their veins like a flood of magma, burning and aching deliciously. They grinned at Alphys so very wide, and she backed away in horror. "Thank you. I'll make sure this doesn't go to waste. I hope you enjoy the sunlight, doctor." 

Frisk LOADed their SAVE STATE, just before the Throne Room. They could feel time rippling around them, like underwater currents. They could so easily just reach out, and take those currents between their fingers... but that could wait. First, they had to save this timeline. 

"Asgore Dreemurr," they called, striding confidently into the Throne Room. The king turned at the sound of their voice, gasping audibly when he saw them. "You and me, we're going to break the Barrier. Go absorb the human SOULs, right now. Hurry!" Frisk didn't even wait for him to process their words, moving to physically push the king towards the stairs. 

"I-I don't understand what's happening right now," Asgore admitted meekly. "The Barrier can only be destroyed by seven human souls in one vessel-" 

"I don't have time for this," Frisk grit through their teeth, exploding with nervous energy. "If it doesn't work, you can just kill me and take my SOUL, right? What do you have to lose?" 

"Well.. I suppose that makes sense-" Asgore yelped as he was shoved into the Barrier room, the SOULs rising from the floor. Asgore hesitantly released them from their containers, and Frisk interrupted before he could absorb them. 

"You're not going to kill anyone up there," they stated, as if it were an absolute fact. "I will know if you do, Asgore. And I will come back to watch the humans wipe you out. Now come on, I don't have all day." Frisk gathered up the SOULs, slapping them against Asgore's chest impatiently. They impatiently looked away from his glowing corona of brilliance as he shifted and changed, becoming a monolithic titan of shining golden armor and starlight. Asgore shifted uncertainly, glancing at the red SOUL that beat like a heavy metal drumset. He swung his Stardust Halberd at the Barrier, just as Frisk's SOUL impacted it-

-The Barrier was destroyed. As the light cleared, Asgore stared in absolute disbelief at the doorway leading to the surface as Frisk briskly scooped up the shattered remains of the human SOULs. "H...human, what you have done here today-"

"Yes, you're very welcome. I hope you all are very happy up on the surface. And make sure to give Toriel some space, okay? It might be a very long time before she can look past what you've done, but you can't let that weigh you down. Live your life, Asgore. It's a whole new world out there." Frisk injected as much cheer and compassion in their voice as they could manage, barely able to feel it around the rush of Determination. 

Asgore stared at them, absolutely goggled. "I... of course. But how did you... no, I suppose it doesn't matter. We will forever be grateful to you, human." 

"Don't worry about it. You were more important in the long run, anyway," Frisk deflected. "Anyway, I'll leave you all to it. Also, some advice? Don't let Papyrus be the first one to greet the humans. It won't go well." Frisk winked, and then the world melted away like a watercolor painting, individual colors blending together into a mosaic of nonsense. They stared up at their options: LOAD, LOAD SAVE STATE, RESET, TRUE RESET, RETRIEVE. Well, that last one sounded promising. Frisk pressed it, and a little window popped up. 

*Warning: still in beta. RETRIEVEing may cause corruption to SAVE data. 

Yeah, yeah. Frisk closed it impatiently, feeling the pulse of energy just behind their ears. They hit RETRIEVE-

-And time rent itself apart, a pair of timelines forcing their way back into the timestream. Frisk giggled as they felt their insides split into three different directions, being drawn towards both the divergent timelines and the 'proper' timeline. A ripple that was more like a tsunami shook the timelines, as well as Frisk's little option bubble. They let it wash over them, feeling stretched and compressed all at once. It was a glorious new sensation, and they reveled in it. But there was no time. They needed to fix everything. And first... they had to kill that flower. And there was only one place they could think to go, to get that power. 

-odged past a wave of bones, knife raising high in the air as they struck out, again and again. The sheer Killing Intent carved deep grooves in the floors and walls; the parts that had avoided being damaged by bones and gaster blasters, at least. They snarled as the damn skeleton said something snarky, winding back their arm and preparing to fling the knife with all their might-

-Frisk leapt nimbly out of the way of a gaster blaster, feeling the faded echo of LOVE and EXP that resided inside them become a roar of power, one that nearly deafened them. They had forgotten how different LOVE was from Determination. Sans stared at them in confusion, which made sense, considering they were now a foot and a half taller and twelve years older than who he had been fighting. "Hi sorry just needed some LV, congratulations on saving the world or whatever, kisses!" They shouted at the bewildered skeleton, uncaring of what would happen to this Genocide run. The world turned runny and blurry once more, and Frisk was presented with the options to LOAD any SAVE from any of the timelines once more. There was only one place left to go... 

-termination. Frisk gasped and stumbled off the front doorstep of their Snowdin home, feeling a pair of bony hands catch them by the arm. 

"woah, you okay, kiddo? almost took a tumble, there. And.. is that a different bag?" Sans peered up at them in concern and mild confusion. Their Sans, the real one, the one that was about to die-

It was suprisingly easy to resist the urge to sob and wrap him in a massive hug. They instead grasped him by the hand, staring deep into his sockets. "I'll explain later, but we need to get to the castle, NOW." 

"right, can do." Sans pulled them through a shortcut, stumbling into the entranceway of Asgore's home. Frisk pulled the skeleton along like a ragdoll, bursting into the first bedroom to retrieve the Worn Dagger and Heart Locket. They secured it around Sans' neck, for all the good it would do, and clutched the dagger tightly. "so, mind explaining on the way?" 

"Flowey is coming for us. You ruined his and Chara's plan when they lured us to the Ruins, and he absorbed the fragments of human SOULs. You can't beat him, Sans, not alone. But together, I think we have a chance." The pair practically leapt down the stairs leading down from Asgore's home, rushing through the basement and out onto the walkway, leading to the Hall of Judgement. 

"right, so we've tried before. but you're only LV 1.. if he's as powerful as you say he is, what are you going to do?" Sans, to his credit, kept cool and calm, even when faced with potential death. But the worry still crept into his voice. Worry for their sake. It was... extremely annoying. Did he really have that little faith in them, after everything they'd done? Ungrateful fucker. Frisk resisted the urge to snap at him, taking a calming breath. They could feel their SOUL pounding frantically, burning hot with Determination and LOVE. 

"Just trust me, okay? I promise we'll get through this." Was he even necessary, though? With all their LOVE, they could easily uproot that stupid flower, and tear him to bits. Though Sans would prove a useful distraction... they decided to keep him around, just for a little while longer. 

Flowey had clearly wasted no time in coming after them, because the Hall of Judgement was stuffed full of writhing vines the moment they stepped inside. Frisk eyed them in irritation, whipping out their dagger and carving a path through the sea of plant matter. Their cuts tore through swathes of vines as sturdy as steel, and Sans was given no time to question it. He aided in the weeding process as best he could, bones whirring like saw blades to cut through stray vines that lashed out towards them. The throne room was equally infested, vines lancing towards them, only to be cut to pieces by the pair. Flowey's cackles were clearly audible. Frisk grit their teeth at the horrible sound, wanting nothing more than to silence it forever. And soon, they'd get their wish. 

The Barrier room had avoided Flowey's vines, and was completely empty and completely ignored as they ran through it. Soon, the surface was upon them. They were greeted with the warm light of the afternoon sun, the smell of pine trees, and the sound of Flowey's incessant laughter. "Wow, I'm impressed! You actually made it up here. But, unfortunately for you, this is where it all ends! You can LOAD as much as you want, but nothing will ever change. BECAUSE I REMEMBER!" Flowey's gaping maw split into a horrific grin, the leafy serpent dripping saliva and chlorophyll. "I'll kill you both as many times as I need to before you just give up! So go ahead, give me your best sho-" Flowey was silenced as he was carved apart, a brief flash of quicksilver the only indicator of his demise. Smoking chunks of plant fell to the earth, clouds parting in the distance as Killing Intent cut right through them. 

Frisk stared impassively down at the frozen face of the flower monster, watching as a bubble of multicolor SOUL shards rose from his corpse. "...You never did know when to shut up." 

"kid... what the hell was that?" Accusation bolstered every word, Sans stepping towards the human, who stared wistfully into the distance. "there's no way you could have done that without LV. i want an explanation, and i want it now." Sans waited a beat, and then his eye lit up a crackling blue, yellow flashing inside the socket. He thrust out a hand-

-and found it caught by another. He stared upwards, at Frisk. They smiled, and opened their eyes, and Sans was staring into red, red, RED.


	82. Demon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cruelty is nothing more than a mask for hurt.

Chara grinned at the skeleton, cheeks stretching to wrap around their face. It was more of a baring of the teeth than anything resembling a smile. " **Having all this LOVE again... really makes me feel alive. A sensation you'll sorely miss, in just a moment."** Chara giggled and swung Sans around by the arm, directly into a trio of sharpened bone stalks that had been aimed to impale them. They tore into the fabric of his jacket, just barely avoiding skewering him. He tore away from the creature's grip, shortcutting to the other side of the cliffside.  **"Aww, what's the matter? Don't you want another hug, Sans?"** The LOVE fueled creature pouted as rows of bones tore through the dirt towards them, easily dancing around them. They slashed out with the dagger, cutting through nothing more than a pair of trees directly behind where Sans had been.  **"You're usually so talkative. Is something the matter? C'mon, tell me a joke, mister comedian."** They cut and slashed and carved and sliced, the landscape turned to a gouged plot of dirt in moments. And still, they couldn't hit him. He moved in completely random patterns, materializing directly on top of them, then appearing on sturdy tree branches; he'd practically covered every inch of the clearing at this point.   
  
Sans stood in the middle of the wrecked clearing, hands stuffed in his pockets. He grinned. "here's one for you. what did the skeleton say to the demon?" And then he was everywhere and nowhere at once, encasing the possessed human in prisons of bone, firing dozens of criss-crossing gaster blasters. Chara grit their teeth as bones left aching bruises and blasters singed their flesh, forced to constantly be on the move. Bones rose underfoot and fell from overhead and whirled through the air like saws and swung like scythes, the ground underneath their feet becoming unstable as the cliffside was utterly ravaged. Sans' killing intent wasn't particularly high, but the combination of Karmic Retribution and the sheer volume of attacks steadily drained Chara's HP. They knew there was monster food in the backpack they were toting, but there wasn't time to grab it. There was no time to attack, or heal; there was barely time to think. All they could do was dodge as best they could, frustration growing and compounding and solidifying the longer this dance lasted, a dance where Sans controlled the music and Chara hadn't memorized the steps. And then, everything stopped. "Y o u ' r e  b o n e d," a voice whispered in their ear. They turned and rent the air itself apart with their dagger just as their SOUL turned blue, forcing them to the ground and sending the attack off kilter, decapitating a half dozen trees. Gravity pressed down on Chara like a lead weight, and they could feel their very bones creaking from the force. "a lot less predictable this time, huh?" Sans casually shuffled over, placing a slippered foot on their back and pressing down with all his weight. Chara grit their teeth, and did not make a sound. "you and i... let's chat, shall we? see if we can work things out."   
  
 **"We've got nothing to say to one another. So why don't you be a good little skeleton and DIE."** They'd killed this idiot skeleton before, and they could do it again. They just needed an opening; a moment of weakness. Chara bucked and writhed against the magic grasping their stolen SOUL, sinking their dagger into the dirt in an attempt to get some sort of leverage to push themself up. All they had to do was be patient, and then Sans would be nothing but dust. Everything would be dust.   
  
"i think we've got a lot of things to talk about. unfortunately, i left my conversation starter pack at home, so i'll just get right to the heart of the matter." Sans ground his heel into the small of Chara's back, grin stretching painfully. "i wanna know why you're doing all of this, and i don't wanna hear the 'this world is worthless, everything should die' angsty crap. i want a real reason, and you're gonna give it to me, bare bones." 

Chara blatantly ignored the question. **"I** **bet you're real proud of Frisk right now, huh?"** Chara dragged their fingers through the dirt, momentarily relishing the burn of their fingernails tearing through hard packed earth.  **"I could tell you allll about how they manipulated the timelines, retrieving their hard earned LOVE, just to protect you and your worthless friends. They were always a little short sighted, huh?**

"i'm really not in the mood for mind games. stop beating around the bush." Sans casually stomped down on their wrist and plucked the Worn Dagger from their loosened grip, tossing it over his shoulder and off the side of the cliff. "won't be needing that anymore." 

Chara was unconcerned. They'd beat him to death with their own two hands if they had to.  **"You think they'd have realized by now that more LOVE just makes me stronger. Or maybe they thought they'd be strong enough to beat me? I guess we'll never know."  
**

"you are really testing my patience. why don't you just tell uncle sans what's wrong, and we'll get some nice cream and have a laugh about it later? doesn't that sound nice?"   
  
Chara snarled at the sarcasm.  **"I know you, Sans. I know everything that they've seen, done, and heard. You gave up on this world a long time ago. Why bother protecting it? We both know that nothing really matters."**  
  
"you might think it's cheesy, really... i know i sure do. but, uh... love, changed things. not the LV poison in you, but real love. it made me feel... not right, but better. like maybe i could afford to care again, and enjoy things without worrying i'd just forget about them. having good friends, telling bad jokes... being part of a family; they really changed things for the better. hey, who knows... maybe it'd do the same thing for you." Sans lifted his foot off their back, smiling plainly down at the incredulous Chara. 

**"Love? What a joke. That's just an excuse to get people to trust you, so that they do what you want them to. And when you love someone back, it just gives them the power to hurt you."**  

"sounds like you're speaking from experience, kiddo. did someone take advantage of that trust, and hurt you?" Sans lowered his voice until it was smooth and soothing. Chara refused to be placated by it. 

**"That's none of your fucking business! Stop talking already so I can kill you!"** They just had to wait until he did something stupid. They wouldn't fall for his 'caring' shtick, not again. 

Sans ignored them. "you're the first fallen human, right? the one that lived with toriel, and asgore, and the prince, asrie-" 

**"DON'T YOU SAY HIS NAME!"** Chara all but screamed, writhing with all their might against the force of the blue attack.  **"Shut up, shut up! I don't want to hear it!"**

"i wonder what he'd think if he could see you now... his best friend, turned into this. do you think he'd be proud of what you're doing?" Sans' smile cut a little sharper, his words dug a little deeper. 

**"You don't know ANYTHING about him! A-and it doesn't matter, anyway! He's dead, and not coming back! And that fucking flowe-"** Chara cut off their tirade, biting at their lower lip in a subconscious imitation of Frisk. 

"so there's a connection, then? i thought so, what with how hard that flower was trying to bring you back. i guess he really does still care about you, even without a soul." They could see the pieces clicking together in Sans' head, and they were desperate to crack his skull open and make him stop talking forever. "you know, a friend like that... that's someone worth keeping. but uh, i guess you'd rather be alone to wallow in misery, huh?" 

**"I'LL KILL YOU! YOU AND YOUR WORTHLESS, IDIOT BROTHER AND THOSE FUCKING GOATS, I'LL KILL EVERYONE YOU LOVE!"** Chara was screaming as loud as they could, trying to drown him out, to drown out everything, they just wanted endless silence-

Sans spoke on, and every word buried itself in their brain. "sometimes, when people are really hurting, deep down inside... they lash out, because they don't know what else to do. they push others away, even when they want them close. sometimes... they hurt others, to try and protect themselves. people like that want to be left alone, but uh... the thing they need most? someone who cares." Sans sat down in the disturbed earth in front of them, just out of arm's reach. He looked Chara directly in the eyes, and smiled. "why don't we help each other out, you and i? you give me back my friend... and i'll do whatever i can to give you back yours." 

**"S-shut up, shut up! You... h-he's dead, nothing will bring him back! I d-don't want him back, anyway! He's weak, and worthless, and a traitor!"** Chara averted their gaze, and squeezed their eyes shut.  **"You're never getting Frisk back! Even if they somehow manage to LOAD, you'll both forget about all of this, and I'll come back!"**

Sans was still smiling when they gathered the will to open their eyes. "let me ask you something. do you think... that even the worst person is capable of changing? that no matter what you've done, you can still be a good person? that with some good food, some bad jokes, some close friends... we can all become better people?" 

**"STOP TALKING! I'll kill you! I'll destroy this worthless world, and everyone in it! I-I don't want your friendship, I'm a demon, I don't CARE what you think!"**

"i'm sure toriel and asgore would be happy to see you again. i'm sure they still love you, chara. don't you want a family again? people who care about you?" They wanted to run, run and never be found by this dumb skeleton and never hear his stupid voice again.  
  
 **"Nobody cares about me! Nobody SHOULD care about me!"** Chara tried to force away the hitch in their throat and the heat building behind their eyes. But it refused. 

"chara... asriel misses you. isn't it about time you came home?" Sans smiled at them in that infuriatingly tender way, the way he always smiled at Frisk, like they were someone he cared for, someone he loved, someone  _worth_ loving. Chara's stolen face screwed up, and they wailed; a pained, miserable sound that hemorrhaged their chaotic jumble of feelings. They didn't even notice when their SOUL flickered back to blood red. Chara sobbed into the ground, tears and dirt staining their cheeks. Cool, bony hands gently grasped their shoulders, pulling them up to rest against a jacket cushioned clavicle. They clawed weakly at his scapula, in a cobbled together desire to both do him harm and pull him closer.

**"Y..you should hate me,"** they uttered weakly.  **"I'm a bad person."** The crackling flames of Determination and the molten lead sear of LOVE were drowned out by a tumultuous tsunami of emotion. 

"i'm not gonna say i'm your biggest fan, or anything... but everyone deserves a second chance, don't they? anyone can be good if they try." They could hear Papyrus in his words. Someone else who believed in them wholeheartedly, and wanted to help them become better... and they killed him.  Maybe it was a real Papyrus, and maybe it wasn't, but they could remember feeling  _something_ when he had spared them. Something Chara hadn't felt in a very long time. 

**"If... you do find a way to bring him back... please, make sure he's happy."** Chara sniffed and looked upwards when the skeleton chuckled. 

"what, did you think i was just gonna leave you in the dust? you two are a package deal, kiddo. frisk and i will make sure both of you get a happy ending. speaking of.. why don't you pass over the reigns, for a bit? so i can get them up to speed on the situation." Chara bit their lip, not meeting Sans' gaze. "worried, huh? i understand. but i'll make sure that frisk is on board with the plan, okay? that's a sans the skeleton promise, and those don't come cheap." Chara stared for a long moment, before shutting their eyes and nodding their assent. When their eyes opened again, Frisk was staring up at him in confusion with soulful brown eyes. "welcome back, kiddo." Sans squeezed them against his sternum, and they slowly returned the embrace. 

"What's... going on? Did we beat Flowey?" Frisk blinked up at him, noting the darkening of his sockets.

"wasn't much 'we' about it. the hell were you thinking, coming here with that much LV? where'd you even get it? i know you wouldn't kill anyone on your own." Sans' last statement was presented as absolute fact. 

"It's... a long story." 

"believe me, i've got time." Sans smiled impatiently, feeling a potent cocktail of relief that Frisk was back and anger that they had done something so stupid. 

"...You died, fighting Flowey. He was too strong for you. And.. I LOADed, hoping we'd be able to escape before he caught up to us. In the Hall of Judgement, Chara talked to me, and told me that the timeline was unstable, considering it was one of my own creation. It was sensitive to SAVEs and LOADs, and if I kept doing it... it would have shattered. They said..." Frisk swallowed hard. "They said that I could either give them my SOUL and let them destroy the world, or perform a TRUE RESET and hope I had more luck in a different timeline. I-I... I didn't have a choice. I woke up again, and everything was completely different and exactly the same. And I... didn't know what to do. I thought you were gone, Sans. You and everyone else. Forever." Frisk's own tears trickled down to mingle with Chara's. "I was ready to give up. I went to give my SOUL to Asgore, but it didn't work. I was too Determined. And... then I had an idea. If more Determination gave me greater powers over the timeline... what if I got more? So I convinced Alphys that I would save everyone, and she gave me her Determination. And with it, I could RETRIEVE the timelines! So I broke the Barrier in the third timeline with Asgore's help, and decided I needed LV to defeat Flowey. So I.. went back to the original, 'proper' timeline, and.. absorbed it(?) from the, uhm... from that run. And then I came back here, and.. I don't remember what else happened." 

"all that LOVE got to your head, clearly. after carving up the flower, chara came out to play. but, uh.. i had a handle on things."

Panic erased every other expression on Frisk's face. "I.. I thought with my Determination- you're not hurt, are you? And... how am I back, if Chara was in control?" 

Sans smiled broadly, looking awfully proud of himself. "i managed to convince them to.. give up the ghost, on the whole 'destroying the world' thing. i told them we'd give them a family again... both them and asriel. this time, we'll give  _everyone_ a happy ending." 

Frisk was... absolutely dazzled. Sans had actually gotten through to Chara, convinced them that destroying everything was a terrible idea, and persuaded them to give Frisk back their body? Despite having just ripped apart the fabric of space and time not too long ago, Frisk was honestly amazed. "...Yeah. Yeah, okay. Let's give everyone a happy ending." Frisk took the skeleton's hand in their own, and LOADed. 

 


	83. Inseparable

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Can bonds ever truly be broken?

Time and space were torn apart and carefully rearranged, as Frisk LOADed with their passenger. Having so much Determination clearly came with perks-illed them with determination. Frisk stepped carefully down the front step of their previous home, staring up at the twinkling Christmas lights and the light dusting of snow on the roof. This would probably be the last time they'd ever see this house.. "Flowey should be here soon," they murmured, turning their gaze on the skeleton. "I'll try to.. let Chara talk to him, I guess? If things don't work out..."

"then we'll just have to keep trying, won't we? the three of us.. we all gave up, at one point or another, and it didn't do us any good." Sans grinned, glancing askew at them. "just gotta stay determined, right?" Frisk nodded firmly, feeling a warmth blossom inside their chest, so different from the burn of Determination and LOVE. They shuffled over and took the skeleton's hand in their own, holding it for what felt like the first time in years, despite them only being parted for about two days. They traced the individual, interlocking bones of his palm, and he gently squeezed their softer, fleshier hand. "things will work out. we worked too hard to not get our happy ending." Frisk clung to his hand like he was the only thing tethering them to this plane of existence. For all they knew.. maybe he was.

Then, they felt it. The brief sensation of a voice whispering against their ear, but no sound reaching it. Fingers ghosting over their back, and their SOUL thumped erratically. "He's here. Be prepared to dodge."  They felt a flash of irritation at the realization that their only weapon was still in New Home, which they no longer had time to escape to. But... hopefully they wouldn't need it. If worse came to worse, they could break into the general store and hope there was a Tough Glove still around. It'd feel so liberating to beat that flower's face in with their own hands- Frisk shook their head, trying to ignore the impulses of LOVE. Sans sent them a curious look, but in the next instant he disappeared on the spot, allowing a torrent of vines to burrow through the ground where he'd stood. 

*Here comes Flowey. 

"I don't know WHAT you did," that familiar, guttural snarl rang out, "BUT IT WON'T HAPPEN AGAIN." The earth rumbled ominously underfoot, massive clumps of dirt and chunks of permafrost being torn asunder as the serpentine form of Flowey erupted upwards and outwards. He was surrounded by legions of snapping vines, several of the larger ones equipped with dripping, venus flytrap inspired mouths.  A dozen eyes swiveled around in their sockets, staring directly at the human. "C'mon, buddy! LET'S PLAY A GAME!" In an instant, the former home of the skeleton brothers was utterly demolished. Wood and plaster were reduced to dust as tree trunk thick vines emerged from the floor, chunks of more intact debris raining down. Frisk leapt out of the way, their LV helping to bolster their already incredible agility. They danced and weaved through the legions of vines aiming to rip them apart, Flowey's raw speed being impeded by his predictability. He attacked wherever it was most likely for them to dodge next, so all Frisk had to do was move near randomly, sometimes even back towards where the previous attacks had been. The towering flower/serpent grew visibly frustrated, his rhythmic swaying becoming a jerky, off tune thrashing. Eventually the vines retreated, only to be replaced with absolutely unfair bullet patterns. Luckily for Frisk, they were well versed in FIGHTing cheaters. It also helped that Flowey had become more inventive with his attacks, and thus more heavily pattern based. He fired endless streams of bullets in a variety of shapes, something that wasn't quite anger making its home on his distorted mess of a face. Somehow, a messy slop of teeth and eyes managed to convey emotion, or at least the echos of emotion that Flowey was capable of feeling. Eventually, the attacks ceased altogether. Flowey stared down at them in silence, and Frisk returned the stare apprehensively. "...You don't even have a weapon. Your sheer idiocy clearly knows no bounds! What kind of plan could you possibly have in that empty head of yours? Are you gonna hug me to death? Send me friendship vibes until I give up?" Flowey mocked, before breaking into maniacal cackles. "You're going to die here. Over, and over, and over again! I'll trap you down here for E T E R N I T Y if I have to! Just you and me-" Flowey shrieked as a beam of white hot light burned through his stem, leaving a gaping, smoldering hole. 

"sorry, didn't realize this was a party of two. but i'm sure you won't mind if i third wheel it, right?" Sans winked from the ruins of his former home, a pair of gaster blasters hovering threateningly over his shoulders. 

"Sans, we aren't supposed to kill him! We have to find a way to get through to him!" Frisk could feel their SOUL beating even outside of their chest, noting the way it darkened closer to the edges. They just had to figure out how to get Chara in control.

"i thought i got through to him pretty well. looks like he's really opening up to us. but for you, i'll bone it down." Sans took his cue to shortcut, avoiding the spears of vines aimed to drill right through his skull. He appeared and disappeared so quickly that Flowey could barely figure out when to attack, and eventually just resorted to snapping and whipping as many vines at as many locations as possible. 

"C'mon, smiley trashbag, you REALLY don't want to dance this dance with me!" Flowey's false cheer easily masked his frustration, but the dust-lust in his voice was clear as day. The hole in his body was quickly refilled with the tightly interlocked vines that surrounded his main stem, sealing the hole up tight so that the fibers could knit back together. "You were so easy to kill, before! And your SOUL tasted absolutely delicious. I CAN'T WAIT TO TASTE IT AGAIN." Flowey lunged, his entire body screaming towards the rapidly teleporting skeleton. His teeth snapped closed around something and he  _yanked_ -

Sans stumbled out of his next shortcut, clad only in shorts, slippers, and a slightly tattered turtleneck. "that was my favorite jacket." Sans raised an arm, producing a squadron of rapidly whirring bone saws. "you know, i always did hate weed whacking... but i can't say i'd mind whacking a weed like you. and hey, i think i might even enjoy it this time." Sans advanced in a straight line towards the monolithic monster, absolutely shredding the vines that spiraled towards him. His gait was casual and lazy, as if one wrong move wouldn't lead to him being utterly skewered and reduced to a pile of dust. He was liberally splattered with chlorophyll and bits of plant fibers, taking a moment to stop and pointedly wipe some off his face. Flowey snarled and slavered in irritation, the tide of vines growing higher and higher as he poured more energy into trying to kill that stupid skeleton. That irritation was steeped in panic as Sans came closer and closer, and the tide of vines changed to a hail of bullets. They were easily deflected by the cloud of bone saws, and bones began rising underfoot to elevate the skeleton, like a set of improvised stairs. 

"Y-you... you can't do that, that's cheating!" Flowey cried desperately, as he blatantly cheated by crowding vines into every empty bit of space left between his bullets. As the distance closed he ceased his attacks and attempted to retreat into the ground, but his cobbled together SOUL was caught in a blue grasp. Sans smiled widely, sweeping his arm over his head to send the vine serpent flying through the air into the arch, only for his face to be dunked into the ground with a thunderous crash. Flowey writhed and convulsed in the grip of the blue attack, but was unable to break the hold. "What's the point of any of this, anyway?! You killed me and came back, but for what? Just to do it again? Y..you're disgusting!" Clearly just spitting words to buy time, Flowey easily ignored his own hypocrisy. 

"you might have realized what was going on if you weren't so intent on killin' us, bud." Sans gestured once more, yanking the flower... snake, thing, so that they were face to face. "sheesh, not gonna win any beauty contests with that mug. but hey, who am i to talk?" 

"Will you just SHUT UP already?!" Flowey wriggled and writhed, but remained almost entirely stationary despite his best efforts. 

"hey, kiddo, you maybe wanna speed things up? i dunno how long i can keep this snake in the grass from biting our ass." Sans snickered to himself as Flowey howled in dismay. "or if you want, i could just subdue him with my incredible comedy powers. say, you ever hear the one about the skeleton in the hardware store-" 

"I would actually rather you just kill me again," Flowey stated very plainly and very loudly, attempting to and succeeding at drowning out Sans' punchline. Slightly miffed, Sans glanced over from the corner of his socket to get a read on Frisk, who was sat on the front step of the destroyed house with their flashing SOUL in hand. 

"I- **I th** i **n** k **w** e're w **ork** ing som **ething o** u **t."** Frisk's voice rose and fell awkwardly, distorted almost to the point of being incomprehensible. Their SOUL absolutely bled color, shades of red blending and melting into each other. It looked almost molten, currents of Determination and rivers of LOVE visible just below the surface. It exuded heat like a furnace, a pleasant warmth that was toasty enough to fight the chill of Snowdin. Frisk... Chara... they traced a fingertip across the surface, shuddering as they felt an echo of the sensation run through them. With each steady beat it turned darker and darker, from candy, to crimson, to scarlet. They glanced up with gleaming amber eyes, and smiled at Flowey and Sans. Two dozen eyes and a pair of sockets stared, one in confused apprehension and one in nervous anticipation. Their SOUL hovered up into the air, pouring light out onto the surrounding snow. For a moment, everything in sight burned red, red, RED.

When the light faded away, a tiny, blood red SOUL hovered just in front of Chara's chest. They smiled tentatively, the expression feeling oddly at home on their face, despite how little they could remember smiling. Their shoes crunched through the snow as they approached the captive flower monster, his eyes never leaving them. They all widened when they saw Chara's own eyes; a glassy scarlet. "C...Chara?" 

 **"Asriel,"** they whispered, stroking a hand along one of his prominent thorns.  **"You always were pretty edgy. But.. who am I to talk?"**

Flowey seemed completely unaware that they were speaking at all. His rows of teeth spun like rotors, and a gurgling cackle erupted from him. "Chara, Chara you DID IT! You were so quiet for so long, I got really worried. But finally, we can be together again! Just kill this idiot, and we can finally destroy E V E R Y T H I N G!" Sans smiled on placidly, unconcerned with the flower's threats of total annihilation. 

 **"Asriel.."** They tasted his name on their unfamiliar tongue, wishing it was their own voice saying it.  **"There's a new plan, Asriel. We.. you and I, we're not destroying everything. We're coming back. We're getting our second chance, and we aren't going to waste it."**

Flowey laughed, and it was a nervous, unsure noise. "What... what are you talking about? We're already back, Chara! You have your new body, and I have mine! Nobody can stop us when we work together. We can finally be alone together... like you wanted. Right?" 

 **"I'm not sure I ever really wanted that. When Frisk's Determination resurrected me, I was.. angry. So, so angry. At you, at myself.. at everyone. I blamed you, for our plan failing. And I blamed the humans, for killing you. And.. I blamed monsters, for not being able to save you. I decided that I wouldn't trust anyone anymore. I didn't want anyone to have the power to hurt and betray me ever again. And the only way to do that... was to destroy everything."** Chara paused, sniffling and wiping at their eyes with a palm. It came back wet.  **"But I was just scared, and hurt, and I wasn't sure what to do about it. I lashed out, because I didn't know what else to do. I hurt other people, trying to protect myself. I.. I was going to hurt YOU, Asriel. My best friend. ...My only friend. But Frisk and Sans.. they helped me realize that I didn't really want that. Being alone and miserable wasn't going to help me. Being with people who cared about me would. Having friends, having a family... that's all I wanted."**

"Chara... I can't believe you're giving up on our plan." They opened their mouth to respond, but Flowey interrupted them before they could speak. "A world without you... I didn't think it was one worth living in. I thought the only solution was destroying everything. But when my opportunity slipped away.. I didn't know what to do. I just wanted you back. Then I found the SOUL fragments. They weren't enough to give me the power to destroy the world, but I thought they'd be enough to help me bring you back. I knew humans couldn't absorb other human SOULS... but I was desperate. But something about you, Chara... something within you woke up, when I brought the fragments to you. For a second, I thought I even remembered what being happy felt like. I didn't have you back all the way, but you were still with me. I didn't feel whole, but I felt something, and that was good enough. Then, when you told me you wanted to destroy everything, I didn't know what to think anymore. I.. just wanted to make you happy. I wanted to make up for ruining our plan... for ruining everything. So I did what I thought would make up for that. I did whatever I could to make you forgive me. I still want that, Chara." 

 **"Of course I forgive you! It.. it was a terrible plan, anyway. I never should have dragged you into it. Killing all those humans... it wouldn't have made me feel any better. I should have just stayed with you, and with mom and dad. It figures that the first thing I'd do when I found a family that loved me is ruin it all."** Chara smiled self deprecatingly.  **"But I won't make that mistake again. So... Asriel... please come home. I miss you."** Chara smiled, and closed their eyes. When they opened again, Frisk was staring up at Flowey, lips tentatively quirking upwards. 

"well, that went better than expected." Sans lightly wiggled the flower that was still in his grasp, sounding casual despite the sweat beading down his skull and the heavy rise and fall of his ribcage. "you good to be let off the hook, pal?"

"J-just let go of me, already. Jeez." Flowey's open hostility was still present, but all the venom was gone. His makeshift SOUL was released, and he retreated back into the ground until he was eye level with Frisk. "What's the plan, then? Probably something stupid about... hugs, or whatever." He huffed when Frisk simply smiled and patted the side of his head. "You're such a weenie." 

"We're going to get you a monster SOUL," Frisk replied quietly. "So that you can be Asriel again." 

"Yeah? And how exactly are you planning on that? I doubt you'll let me snack on smiley-...Sans, again. Or any of your other little friends." Flowey remained oblivious to the bunny ears that Sans was making behind his head, and Frisk had to cover their mouth to stifle a laugh. 

"I.. got more Determination, from the timeline I created after TRUE RESETting this one. I can... kind of travel through timelines now? And considering I LOADed with Sans, and he remembered, I'm gonna assume I can take you with me into another timeline."

"Wow. I don't know if that's the stupidest thing I've ever heard, or the most impressive. Probably the first one. Also, I don't know if you've noticed or not, but I'm a little firmly rooted here." Flowey undulated pointedly. "Unless you wanna carry five miles of plant over your shoulder, you're gonna have to think of something else."

Frisk winced a little. "Well... I was thinking you could release the SOUL fragments, so you'd be... easier to carry?"  

"Yeah, no thanks. I earned these suckers, and I'm keeping them," Flowey replied flatly.

"how 'bout i take a little off the top for you? or bottom, as it were." Sans smiled nonchalantly as the flower jerked around to glare at him, petals flaring out and eyes bulging. "yeesh. you'd better hope a mother could love a face like that."

"Sans, that's enough." Frisk's tone was firm, and the skeleton backed off with palms raised.  "Flowey... I promise you'll get them back. It's just for a little while. You don't want to be stuck in this body forever anyway, right?" 

"...Fine. Whatever. But you'd BETTER give them back. I do NOT want to be a twerpy little crybaby again when I get this SOUL." Sans leaned in to say something that was sure to be hilariously rude, but Frisk silenced him with a stern look that they'd learned from studying the wild, majestic Toriel. Flowey flashed a liquid white, shrinking and morphing as a bubble of multicolored SOUL shards emerged from the thickest part of his exposed stem. Frisk carefully reached out to grab them, storing them in a small, separate pocket on their backpack. When the light faded, good old Flowey the flower was glaring up at them, petals raised defensively. "C'mon, I don't have all day." Frisk reached down and gently tugged him from the earth, exposing long, winding roots which wrapped securely around their upper arm. Flowey positioned himself on their shoulder, childishly sticking his tongue out at the observing Sans. "Let's get this show on the road. I'm starting to remember how much not feeling anything sucks." 

Frisk giggled slightly at the flower's impatience, waving an idle hand at Sans. "See you in a little while." They formed a SAVE point, and returned to the MENU. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy two month anniversary! If anyone's actually stuck around from he beginning, then color me impressed. You must have a lot of willpower to slog through this trainwreck.


	84. Revitalize

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just dust and magic.

"Nice FILE, Frisk. Very... crowded." Flowey squinted at the pixelated caricatures of all the friends Frisk had made. He sneered at his own smiling profile. "Of course it didn't capture my good side." He glanced around at the void that filled in the gaps between the colorful monster representations. This was... a lot livelier than his own SAVE file had been. Whatever. It didn't matter anymore. "So, what's the plan? You just gonna pull a boss monster SOUL out of a time anomaly hat, or something?" 

Frisk coughed to hide their laughter, finding the flower's cynicism much more amusing when he wasn't trying to murder them. "We're going to go to the 'proper' timeline. The one I was trapped in. We'll... LOAD a SAVE STATE where I killed Asgore, since you won't be there to do it. And I guess you can just... absorb it?" Frisk stared back at the unreadable look they received from Flowey. 

"Wow. That's pretty messed up, huh? And won't the SOUL disappear when we LOAD back? I've never kept anything from after my SAVEs." Flowey bobbed his head in thought, trying to decide if yoinking Asgore's SOUL in the equivalent of a timespace hit-and-run was sad or hilarious. Probably the second one.  _Definitely_ the second one. 

"This timeline... something's wrong with it. All the monsters, even you... they weren't... real." Frisk's face scrunched up as they attempted to find a way to put their thoughts into words. "It's like... there were triggers, to make everyone say certain things. But there were a limited number, and they were the only things that changed the dialogue. They only responded to a few things I said. Otherwise, they just... stood there. The SOUL we're taking from Asgore... well, it's not like he was really living, anyway. And something about having more Determination gives permanence to the objects I carry. That makes it useful for taking things from other points in time... but I can't really LOAD to retrieve an item that's already been used, and I won't have the items I had on me during that particular SAVE STATE." 

"Gee, you really do have to have some goody-goody morally right excuse for everything you do, huh? But that item scumming sounds extremely useful. Non refreshing inventory? Not so much." It was so odd to talk to someone else about the practical mechanics of Determination. It was interesting, too. "You wanna hurry this thing up? We're burning daylight, here." Flowey glanced around the void they resided in. "...Figuratively speaking." 

Frisk nodded in the affirmative. Well actually, they nodded in the void outside of the timestream, but their nod was an affirmative one. They glanced fondly at what they thought of as their own timeline, before switching to another one. Both Frisk and Flowey could feel the transition take place, space and time twisting and unfolding and collapsing as an entire other reality was brought to the forefront. Frisk would liken the sensation to taking too sharp a turn in a moving vehicle that also happened to be navigating through the fabric of reality. Flowey didn't liken it to anything, because he was busy freaking out about it and trying not to give away the fact. Frisk bit their lip in concentration, trying to find the exact moment of Asgore's death, considering they wouldn't appear with the Worn Dagger or Heart Locket. Well, Flowey could kill him, but... they'd rather not watch another patricide, even if it wasn't technically real. They focused, feeling wisps of time stream through their fingers. They grasped hold and twisted it as they saw fit, the FILE room fading away-

-to be replaced by the visage of a fatally wounded Asgore. He was smiling; it was a sad, fragile thing. The acceptance in his eyes turned to confusion as he gazed upon them, the instant before he collapsed into a pile of dust. His attire clattered to the ground, and from within the sparkling dust rose a brilliant, inverted white heart. It trembled and quaked as it began to deteriorate, tiny cracks forming in it already. Flowey leapt off their shoulder, roots unwrapping and being used to grasp the monster SOUL. It sort of... sank into his body, passing seamlessly through the exterior without coming out the other side. The flower began emitting a dull glow, from the center of his stem and outwards to the edges of his petals. He shone like a golden lantern, his outline obscured but growing rapidly. Frisk stepped back, barely able to look at the process taking place. They covered their eyes until the light peeking through their fingers faded. 

"Golly.. I forgot how tiny I used to be." Flowey's voice was... softer, more childish. It didn't have the sarcastic edge that it normally did. Frisk lowered their hand, and marveled at the short, huggable looking goat child that stood before them. Asriel was curiously inspecting his hands, flexing stubby, furry fingers as if making sure they actually worked. He blinked up at them, eyes wide and dewy. "I'd like those SOUL shards. I.. don't want to be stuck looking like this." He wrinkled up his snootle, crossing his arms in an attempt to look demanding.

"Of course, mister Hyperdeath." Frisk rummaged through their bag, carefully extracting the remnants of the six human SOULs that had originated in their own timeline. They passed them over to the grabby handed Asriel, who proceeded to... stuff them in his mouth. "Is that safe?" He shrugged at them, before beginning to glow once again. The light was significantly more intense this time, forcing Frisk to close their eyes and look away. Even turned all the way around it managed to bleed through their eyelids, But once more it slowly faded away, and they turned to behold Asriel's incredibly edgy adult form. He blinked at them with slitted pupils, a long tongue slithering out to lick curiously around his fangs.

"Much better," he proclaimed brightly, running both hands down the sides of his flowing robe. His satisfied smile faded as he watched Frisk kneel next to Asgore's remains, carefully scooping up a handful of dust. "...What are you doing?"

"Monster funerals involve sprinkling their dust on the thing they love the most.. right?" Frisk stared down at the glittering dust. It felt like liquid silk in their hands.

Asriel could have said a lot of things. He could have reminded Frisk that they told him explicitly that this timeline didn't have real people in it. He could have told them that this was a waste of time, and that they should hurry up and resurrect Chara. He could have told them that they were a stupid, overly sentimental crybaby. "...Yeah. I know just what to put it on." Asriel plucked his father's comically small crown off the floor, turning the polished metal over in his hands. They could remember the day he'd taken the gem that had been inset in it and gave it away, insisting that someone else could make better use of it than him. They received a thank-you letter a week later, and he remembered seeing his father looking it over every night, when he peered through the crack in the door. Asriel clutched the crown with one hand, the other grasping at his chest as he led Frisk up into the throne room. The capacity for emotion, given by the SOUL shards, combined with the sheer compassion of a monster SOUL... He placed the crown neatly on Asgore's throne, and silently led Frisk into what had once been his home. Everything was untouched, and the thought that his father had to live with the reminder of everything he'd lost every single day made his insides twist up in a knot. These feelings... sure were potent. He cautiously opened the door to his old bedroom, gaze lingering on their bed. "...Put some on the picture frame." He remembered the day they'd taken that photo. They took it right after the first time Chara had called their parents 'mom' and 'dad'. He watched as Frisk sprinkled his father's dust onto the frame, part of him yearning for the empty numbness he'd so long been afflicted with. "There's one other thing," he croaked, his throat feeling tight. He could only imagine that this was the first time his father had ever been given a proper burial. Leading Frisk to Asgore's bedroom, he felt a spike of apprehension as he turned the knob, and saw a room practically untouched by time. He mechanically opened the door where he knew his father kept the letter, gently lifting the well worn piece of paper. It was soft, and the ink was worn, but every word was still legible. He laid it back in the drawer, taking some of Asgore's dust to sprinkle on it. He hesitated for a long moment before sliding the drawer shut again. He wandered almost in a daze over to the bedside dresser, pulling open the top drawer. He stared down at the well loved 'Mr. Dad Guy' sweater, and motioned Frisk forward. 

Frisk stepped up without a word, carefully resting the last of Asgore's dust on top of the sweater, managing to obscure the word 'dad'. They wondered if it'd be extremely rude to wipe their hands off or not, so they'd wait until Asriel wasn't looking. Speaking of... they turned to face him, studying the tumultuous emotions on his face. "...Are you okay?" 

Asriel snuffed surreptitiously, but he couldn't avoid sounding choked up when he spoke. "Yeah, why wouldn't I be? He's not even real, right? And.. he's alive in your timeline, so it doesn't matter." The boss monster frowned fiercely when Frisk looked unconvinced. "Let's just get out of here already." He looked relieved when they obliged, the world melting into a runny watercolor of grey upon grey-

-before the crowded void returned. Asriel pointedly ignored the tiny, smiling goat child that had appeared, practically shoving Frisk towards their OPTIONS despite the fact that they were immaterial and also positioned straight overhead. Frisk stumbled, but the gentle smile on their face didn't leave. "Let's go home." They took one furry paw in their grasp, and switched timelines. It was time to finish things.


	85. Happy Ending: Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone deserves a chance at happiness.

Sans watched passively as Frisk and Flowey flickered in place like a television screen with an interrupted signal. In the next instant, Frisk came into focus, accompanied by a tall, extremely edgy looking teenage(?) goat monster. He waved a hand in greeting, immediately picking up on the somber mood. Sans didn't bother asking about it; he had a pretty good guess of what it was about, anyway. Getting an intact monster SOUL... you could only do it in so many ways, after all. "boy, the mood sure dropped fast, huh? you sure you two can't do blue attacks?" Humor, the ultimate deflector of bad feelings. He would know. It was enough to get a little smile out of Frisk, but Asriel (wasn't he supposed to be a kid? heh.) simply stared at him with slitted, inverse colored eyes. "not in the mood for jokes? that's fine." He should probably say something comforting, but... separating this stoic, melancholy Asriel from the snarky, murderous Flowey was surprisingly hard, considering the vast differences in appearance. From what he'd gathered, Flowey hadn't had a SOUL, and thus had no capacity for emotion, positive or otherwise. Sans supposed that'd make anyone into something twisted, especially when combined with SAVEs, LOADs, and RESETs. In a way, he supposed Asriel's unhealthy attachment to Chara was useful. Kept him docile, for now. And, hey.. maybe getting his emotions back would help him realize his wrongdoings, and they'd all live happily ever after together. That was the plan, right? He smiled, and it was tinged with bitterness. To think that he was already second guessing himself. He had to hold on to the hope that everything would work out. Everyone was going to get their Happy Ending, no matter what it took. 

"Sans? We're leaving." Frisk tapped the side of the skeleton's skull lightly, trying to capture his attention. He jerked and blinked at them, an easy grin sliding across his face. 

"already? guess i'd better get these old bones moving, huh?" Sans made a show of popping his back and groaning, earning a slight giggle from Frisk and an impatient glare from goat boy. 

"We don't have time for jokes," Asriel muttered, turning to pad off through the snow. "We need to get Chara back, and get to the surface." He held back a wince when he looked at the house he'd utterly demolished, walking quickly by the snow laden town. He didn't wait for Frisk and Sans to catch up. 

"boy, someone's sure in a hurry." Sans stayed rooted to the spot, even as Frisk tried to tug him along. "no, just a sec. i got an idea." 

Asriel walked alone. He spared a brief moment to be annoyed about that fact, and the flare of anger startled him. Getting used to real, potent emotion was going to take a while. After being empty for so long, he was suddenly filled with all manner of feelings. The primary two were guilt and grief, which swirled together into a toxic sludge that clung to his insides. He was barely able to differentiate the two, considering how tightly they were intwined. Guilt for his actions, grief for the result of said actions.. He really was a terrible person. He'd done so many awful things to real, living, breathing people with thoughts and feelings and hopes and dreams, just to alleviate his boredom. But... surely anyone that had been trapped like him, in a body not their own with barely a semblance of morality... they'd have done the same, right? He wondered if Frisk had ever done the same, trapped in their fake world. Would it be less heinous, committing those atrocities on people that weren't actually real? He wasn't sure. Maybe he really was just a victim of circumstance. A child, taken from the world before their time and thrust into one that brought nothing forth from them. Nothing but boredom and amusement, a cycle that spiralled down, down, down, until he could barely remember what it was like to feel anything else. Even now, with the fragments and Asg-... a monster SOUL inside him, he still felt like something was missing. It always came back to Chara, didn't it? His other half. He vaguely wondered how things would have turned out without them having fallen. Other humans would have fallen, surely. Perhaps they'd have avoided making the same mistakes. Maybe he wouldn't have been so gullible. Asriel walked until the frigid air turned temperate and musty, towering trunks of blackened wood giving way to the tight, claustrophobic walls of the basement. His old home. He didn't bother to look around, despite the painful tug at his insides that urged him to relive every bittersweet memory. 

"gee, we were wondering when you'd show up." Beside an ancient, gnarled tree, a game of cards was taking place. An old plastic fold-out table was... folded out, and covered in cards. A pair of metal folding chairs were occupied, by none other than Frisk and Sans. A third was left empty. Frisk wasn't looking at their cards, instead staring at him with concern that he wasn't sure he deserved. 

"Golly... you must have put a lot of work into this joke, huh? Too bad it isn't funny." Were those really the words he wanted to say? Sure, he wasn't fond of smiley trashbag, but he'd SPAREd him as Flowey, despite how truly awful an idea it was. That had to count for something, right? Oh, they were still looking at him. "...Sorry. I just want to do this as fast as we can." 

"no problem, buddo. it was a bit of a lame gag anyway." Sans laid his royal flush flat on the table, despite the fact that they had been playing Uno. 

"I told you it wouldn't be funny." Frisk set down their own cards, which were actually Monopoly chance cards. They rose from their seat, and smiled tenderly at the boss monster. "Sorry. Sans is pretty adamant about his jokes." Sans shrugged casually. 

"It's... okay. It was a little funny, I guess." Asriel smiled back at Frisk, and it felt foreign on his face. Frisk was... odd. Despite everything he and Chara had done, they were still trying to help in whatever way they could. He was... grateful. Nothing he could ever do would make up for his actions, and still Frisk wanted to see him and Chara happy. He could feel an old, familiar heat behind his eyes, and stubbornly forced it away. He wasn't a crybaby anymore. He felt a jolt of surprise when Frisk took one of his paws in their hand, looking up at him with liquid eyes. 

"C'mon, mister Hyperdeath." They tugged at his hand, catching him off guard and sending him stumbling forward. He could see Sans shaking with silent chuckles from the corner of his eye. Asriel huffed and straightened up, but did not take his hand back. Instead he fell in step with the human, who led him easily through the winding corridors of Home. He could hear Sans shuffling along behind them. Everything was old and crumbling, a mere husk of the bustling capital it had once been. He'd spent so much of his childhood here, but it was only now that he realized how small it was. Funny how different things looked when you changed perspective. Having seen the world above, the Underground felt so tiny and confined. He was more than ready to leave it behind for good. Seeing that room, where he'd almost killed Frisk and taken their SOUL... when he was moments away from enacting his plan to destroy everything...

He closed his eyes, and let Frisk lead him into the final room. The beginning and the end. His hands clenched involuntarily when he saw it, the overgrown mound of golden flowers that marked the absolute. From what he'd gathered, Toriel had taken Chara's body when she left their father, and buried it under this exact mound of flowers. He had the sudden impulse to burn every flower to ashes, and dig them from the unforgiving earth with his own two hands. "...What do you plan to do?" 

Frisk didn't answer right away, instead leaning down to pluck one of the countless flowers. In a moment of whimsy, they tucked the stem behind their ear. "First, I need to get rid of my LV. And all I can think to do is reset the timeline where I got it. So... I'll be right back." Frisk smiled at the apprehensive goat and the grinning skeleton, forming a SAVE STATE before the world melted away. They glanced up at their familiar FILE, hoping with all their might that this would be the last time they ever had to look at it. They swapped through timelines, feeling the lurching inside them that marked the blatant rearranging of time itself. The twisted paths of a branching timeline laid before them, and they LOADed-

-all of Judgement burned gold in magically recreated sunlight. Frisk wasted no time with taking in the sights, catching the barest flash of cool blue and bone white from the corner of their eye as they invoked a RESET, feeling time itself snap out of place, jarring and violent and-

-Frisk woke on the wrong bed of golden flowers. They could already feel the difference of their lacking LV. The constant sludgy feeling had left, the power no longer clinging to their bones and clogging their veins like plaque. Chara's presence was weakened, too. What had once been a constant shadow stalking their every step was now the barest hint of another's presence; a memory of company. They reached out for that faint impression, and felt their SOUL beat in response. They released a breath they hadn't even realized they were holding, and returned to their FILE room. It was utterly blank, and the absolute emptiness sent a chill up their spine. They quickly swapped timelines, feeling warmed by the sight of all their friends, even if they were pixel renditions. They were pleasantly surprised by the sight of an edgy boss monster, who stood a ways away from everyone else. There was an open space at his side. Frisk felt Determination flood through them at the thought of filling that space. They LOADed their SAVE STATE-

-Asriel watched as Frisk flickered in place, a smile forming on their face as they snapped back into focus. He crossed and uncrossed his arms in nervous impatience, fighting the urge to snap at Frisk to hurry up. "...What do we do now?" There, that was much more polite. They didn't deserve him being rude to them, after all. 

"I'm going to need both of you to dig up these flowers, so we can get to Chara's body." Frisk seemed pretty casual about desecrating a grave, but.. it was for a good cause, right? 

Asriel waited a beat, impatience pulling at the corners of his mouth. "Well? Don't leave us in the dark, what else are you going to do to them?" He had to know exactly what they were doing to Chara's body. Sure, it was just an empty corpse, but... he frowned, trying to figure out why he felt so protective of it. It's not like Frisk was going to break it, or anything. 

"you just need to relax, buddy. maybe... take the edge off?" Sans smirked in that infuriating way that Asriel only just now felt properly infuriated by. "seriously, though. frisk has everything figured out, i'm sure. have a little more faith, huh?" 

"It's alright," Frisk murmured, pulling off their backpack and carefully setting it upright in the ground. "I'm going to inject some of the liquid Determination that I have into the SOUL shards, so that they form together into a new SOUL. Then, I'll use some of my own SOUL to transfer some of Chara's essence to their new SOUL, to let them keep their memories of everything. Finally, I'll inject the rest of the Determination into their body, to give it the will to live and the capacity to absorb SOULs. The Determination will reconstitute them, the new SOUL will revitalize them, and their essence will resurrect them." Frisk spoke so surely and calmly that Asriel felt almost immediately reassured. Someone that had been looping through time as long as they had... surely they knew what they were doing. Even Sans looked stunned. 

"wow. that's... a hell of a plan, kiddo. you really think it'll work?" Asriel could have bitten his head off for suggesting it would fail. 

"Of course it will," Frisk stated firmly, determination lacing every word. "I need you both to start digging, please." A command was a command, even when it was polite. Asriel and Sans wasted no time in tearing through the mound of dirt and flowers, Asriel using his bare paws as Sans produced a sturdy, spade ended bone. Frisk nodded, satisfied, and turned back to their bag, retrieving everything they'd need for the procedure: the syringe Alphys had given them, the tightly corked vial of liquid Determination, which was about two thirds full, the multicolored SOUL shards from the third timeline, an emergency kit, which had been tucked neatly under the monster food Toriel had given them, a bottle of disinfectant and a couple of cotton balls to clean the needle, and a strip of sterilized gauze, to put everything on.

Frisk began with the SOUL shards, drawing forth as much Determination as would fit in the syringe and carefully injecting small amounts into every single shard. They began lighting up, one by one, the faint light from overhead being outshone by the glowing, burning shards. Asriel peered over curiously, hands unceasing as he watched the shards ignite with Determination. Their edges blurred and faded, and they began orbiting around one another. Frisk worked methodically, injecting even the tiniest shards. They stopped once the syringe was empty, and watched the shards float up and up, hovering several feet off the ground. A kaleidoscope of colors filled the room, painting everything in different shades of orange, yellow, green, blue, and purple. In a flash of brilliant color, the shards melded together, forming a tiny beating heart. It was liquid white, with colors shifting like oils on water just underneath the translucent surface. Frisk grasped it gently in their hand, feeling it thump underneath their confining thumb. They released it, and it hovered just in front of them. Silently and suddenly, their own SOUL emerged, candy red with a tiny, blood red core. They carefully disinfected the syringe, and inserted the needle into their own SOUL. They were met with resistance at first, but with a sharp jab that they could feel resonate through their insides, it slid smoothly in. They gasped and shuddered at the intensely foreign discomfort, but pressed on, filling a fraction of the plunger with their own SOUL essence, combined with Chara's. The presence in the back of their head blipped away in an instant, and Frisk barely had the time to wonder how their essence mingling would affect things before they were injecting the mixture into the Shard Soul, red billowing out into the swirl of colors like food coloring, expanding outwards in currents and clouds. Eventually it diluted into the rest, creating a proper rainbow of SOUL essence. "How's the body?" Frisk inquired, without turning around. 

"think we're just about... oh. yeah, okay. humans really do have skeletons inside them, huh?" Sans sounded both disgusted and morbidly intrigued. Asriel glanced over from where he had been watching the shards combine, and immediately looked away when he saw Chara's... remains. He felt nauseous, and greatly saddened. To see his best friend like that... whatever. It didn't matter. Chara wouldn't look like that for long. They'd be whole, and alive, and happy. He took a deep breath, and helped Sans extract the corpse, laying it gently out on the stone underfoot. Asriel kept his eyes closed. Frisk eyed the corpse without flinching, filling the syringe with the very last of the Determination and injecting it directly into where they were almost certain a primary artery was located. Without wasting any time they carefully took Chara's new SOUL in hand, pressing it against a.. not completely intact chest. It seeped through without resistance, Dead tissue and worn bones and tattered ligaments pulled and stretched and knitted together, the corpse flashing a rainbow of colors that obfuscated the revitalization process. Everyone watched in awe and apprehension as the outline grew and filled out, and eventually became too bright to look directly at. The light faded...

...And Chara opened their eyes. They stretched ancient bones and slapped their rosy cheeks, slowly standing up. Two sets of eyes and a pair of sockets stared at them, wonder and relief and disbelief written across three different faces. Chara sauntered up to their best friend, feeling slightly miffed that he was almost a head taller than them. They yanked his head down by the ears, staring into his eyes and smiling mischievously.  **"Hey there, dummy. Missed me?"**

Asriel didn't let go of them until they had exited the Underground. 

 

 


	86. Happy Ending: Finale

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Is it the end, or just a new beginning?

The journey up from the Underground was surprisingly short, and surprisingly uneventful. After all the incredibly draining events that had taken place over the last... however long, Frisk was relieved to have a break. The long slog through Waterfall and Hotland had been cut short by one of Sans' shortcuts, which had brought them right to the main lobby of MTT Resort. He then proceeded to climb up Frisk's back and fall asleep once they'd gotten him into piggyback position. Frisk certainly wasn't complaining. On the other hand, listening to Chara complain endlessly about Asriel insisting on carrying them out of the Underground almost proved a mild irritant. Almost. Frisk was too emotionally drained to properly be annoyed, so they let the endless banter fade into a pleasant buzz. After spending an hour and a half calming down a wailing Asriel, he had picked up the significantly shorter Chara and refused to put them down. He'd mumbled some excuse about not wanting them to strain themself, pouting fiercely in the other direction. Chara complained and teased the boss monster, but made no move to actually escape his grasp. This behavior continued all the way up through the Core, their voices echoing and warping down the long, empty walkways. Asriel's was lower pitched than Frisk would have thought, considering how squeaky he'd sounded as Flowey. When he wasn't growling and snarling, at least. Chara's voice was both very much alike and radically different from their own voice, with similar intonations and vocal range, but where Frisk was quiet and kind of mumbly, Chara was a little too loud and enunciated every word precisely. Their vocabulary was also.. much more colorful. Thankfully, the open space of New Home lessened the volume level, their voices carrying far over the empty capital. When they entered Asgore's house, Asriel tried to cover Chara's eyes despite their protests, and almost ended up dropping them. His profuse apologies continued all the way through the basement. 

 **"Asriel, seriously, stop being such a weenie. It's not like you actually dropped me."** Chara barely held back a snort when they saw the pitiful look Asriel directed at them.

"The problem is that I was being careless, and  _could_ have dropped you," Asriel argued stubbornly. He was apparently dead set on apologizing until around the end of time. 

 **"If you're so worried about dropping me, then why not just put me down? Then it won't be your fault if I bust my head open."** Chara was almost expecting to hear him say something about getting them a helmet. 

"W-well.. we still don't really know how this whole... resurrection thing turned out, right? You could tire yourself out real easily, or your bones could still be fragile, o-or your SOUL could fall out and we'd have to look through all of New Home to find it, or-" Asriel was reduced to startled mumbles as a hand mashed against his face. 

 **"Jeez, you are such a worrywart. I'm not made of glass, okay? And I don't really mind you carrying me, or anything. Makes me feel like a princess."** Chara's smile turned mischievous.  **"Unless you'd rather me be your knight in shining armor, that is."** They cackled as Asriel sputtered and averted his gaze, clearly flustered.  **"You're so easy to rile up. I missed it."** It was said in a purely casual manner, but Chara could feel the unintended weight in their words. 

"...I missed it too," Asriel whispered, face falling into something fragile. Well, Chara was having none of that. 

 **"What, you missed me picking on you? What a little weirdo,"** they teased him in the most playful tone they could, not actually wanting to hurt his feelings or anything. 

"N-no, that's not what I meant! Ugh, you're such a butt." Asriel almost covered his mouth in the way he always had when saying something their parents wouldn't approve of, but Chara saw his eyes light up. They grinned wide, and opened the floodgates. 

 **"Ass. Ass butt. Ass shit fuck bitch-"** Chara dissolved into snorting laughter when Asriel bleated in distress, looking equal parts awed and horrified.  **"C'mon Azzy, we're adults now! Kinda. I guess. What I'm trying to say is that you can get away with saying that kinda stuff! Go ahead, try it."**

"F...fuck." The utterance was weak and paltry, and Chara knew he could do better. They lightly shoved him in the shoulder. "Ow, Chara! Don't do that. You're such a... fuck." Asriel didn't even move to cover his mouth this time, an excited grin crossing his face. He then proceeded to unleash a spew of filth so explicit that Chara was opened mouthed by the end of it. There was a pause as they stared at each other, and then broke into childish giggles. They both turned to look at the sound of a delicate cough, finding Frisk glaring at them with one of their mother's patented Disapproving Stares. The effect was ruined by the snoozing skeleton on their back, and the way the corners of their mouth twitched. Chara plastered on an innocent grin, catching a glimpse of Asriel's guilty face from their peripheral. 

"If you two are done, we're almost to the surface. We just have the Throne Room and the Barrier Room left. Asriel, maybe you should put Chara down, so they can stretch their legs." Mister Hyperdeath and The Little Demon That Could shared a look. Asriel opened his mouth to say something, but Frisk beat him to the punch. "Asriel, if they don't move around, they can't get any stronger. They'll actually get weaker as their muscles start to deteriorate-"

That was more than enough to prompt Asriel into action. He was so prompted, he practically threw Chara onto the floor. But instead of practically throwing them, he settled for impractically dropping them. Chara hit the floor with a thud, letting out a little 'oof'.  **"What the fuck was that for? You're such an ass!"** They could see Asriel shifting into full on Apology Mode, but he was again interrupted by the sound of a sleepy yawn. 

"more like an ass-riel." Sans chuckled into Frisk's shoulder, sockets barely open. They whispered a quiet apology for waking him up, but he waved them off. "i sensed improper language and an opportunity for a killer pun. it was more than worth waking up for. we almost there yet? i'm getting sore." 

 **"How the hell can you get sore? You're a skeleton."** Chara's tone was a little biting; it was their way of defending a frowning Asriel from rude puns. 

"i could go into the minute details of skeletal physiology, but i doubt you'd understand it." Sans smirked at them in an obnoxious manner, and Chara remembered exactly how punchable his face looked. But... he'd done so much to help them both, so they resisted the urge. Although, Chara did have to wonder how he flipped so easily between being soft and understanding to being a punny jerk; it was both impressive and annoying. Sans looked to be actually waiting for a response, so Chara just huffed and stood up, dragging the pouting Asriel behind them. 

The Throne Room was quickly passed through, though Chara did take a moment to viciously stomp on some of the golden flowers. They frowned when the hearty plants just sprang right back up. Dumb flowers... Their mood improved slightly as the party of four entered the Barrier Room, and the scent of fresh air wafted down through the doorway at the far end. Chara wasted no time, blowing past Frisk and Sans in an attempt to reach the surface first. Asriel stumbled behind them, clutching tightly at their wrist to avoid being left in the dust. What a goober; as if they'd ever leave him behind again. They were gonna stick to that dumb crybaby like glue, and help him become less of a lame-o. Chara raced up the stairs leading topside, and emerged into the glorious evening sunlight. The world burned orange and red, and Chara ground to a halt at the edge of the cliffside, gazing out over the horizon. They'd been up here just a little while ago, but it felt like centuries since they'd really  _seen_ the surface. They could hear Asriel sniffle beside them, and turned just in time to see him vainly scrub at the wet patches of fur on his face. They didn't say a word. They just smiled and squeezed his hand, ignoring the own wetness welling up in the corners of their eyes. This was the first step of their second chance at life, and Chara refused to waste it. They stood staring for what felt like hours, minutes flowing by like mist on the breeze. Chara heard the sound of Frisk's shoes crunching through crisp grass, and they shyly reached out a hand towards Chara. ...Aw, what the hell. Chara took their hand, squeezing it firmly. 

But of course, it couldn't last forever. As the last slivers of sunlight began to fade, Sans finally spoke up. "we should really be getting home. papyrus is gonna worry his head off about us if we take any longer. literally. like, his head will actually come off. he made it halfway across town before we found him, last time."

"You're right. Would you mind taking us through another shortcut?" Chara barely avoided a scoff as Frisk made their voice as sweet as spun sugar.

"yeah, yeah. you're really workin' me to the bone, today. can't wait to get to bed." Sans reluctantly crawled off Frisk's back, taking them by the hand and leading their little daisy chain behind a nearby tree. In an instant, the clearing was empty-

-and the front doorstep of a spacious two story house was suddenly very crowded. Elbows were jammed into ribs and foreheads knocked together as they each attempted to regain their personal space. When it was all over, Chara had six black eyes, Sans was missing his teeth, Asriel was left without legs, and Frisk had been turned inside out.

Okay not really.  They actually all made room, with Sans and Frisk acting as a buffer for the explosion of noise that was sure to blast out of the front door the moment their presence was made known. "alright, both of you get ready. papyrus can be a little... intense." 

 **"I think we've all been acquainted with Papyrus at this point, skeleman."** Chara sounded carefully aloof, but they felt a brief pang for the Papyrus they had thoughtlessly slaughtered in an alternate timeline. When they looked over, Asriel had all his broken feelings written on his face. He probably had it even harder, considering this was the same Papyrus he'd messed with and murdered as Flowey. Chara squeezed his hand.  **"You better not cry, you big wimp."**

"I-I'm not crying!" Asriel sniffed and wiped at his face, clearing his throat and trying to look as unconcerned as Chara did. They'd give him an 'A' for effort, and a 'C+' for execution. 

"right. you both seem totally prepared for this." Sans sighed, and hovered his hand over the wooden door. "better shape up quick, kiddos. cuz here it comes." He knocked on the door. Once, twice-

The door exploded off its hinges so hard that it was immediately reduced to sawdust. The Great Papyrus stood in the doorway, clutching a lone doorknob. "WOWIE, THE TRAINING WITH UNDYNE REALLY IS PAYING OFF!" Papyrus grinned enthusiastically at the quartet standing in the doorway. "WELCOME BACK FROM THE UNDERGROUND, FRIEND FRISK AND BROTHER SANS AND TWO OTHER PEOPLE THAT I DON'T KNOW! YOU DON'T KNOW IT, BUT WE'RE ACTUALLY THROWING A SURPRISE PARTY, IN CELEBRATION OF... YOU MAKING IT OUT OF THE UNDERGROUND???" Papyrus paused, rubbing his chin. "WE'LL WORK OUT THE DETAILS LATER. THE IMPORTANT THING IS, WE HAVE CAKE! WELL, HAD CAKE. WE GOT HUNGRY WHILE WAITING FOR YOU. BUT THEN WE GOT A SECOND CAKE! I WAS SO EXCITED, I ACCIDENTALLY STOOD ON IT. BUT FEAR NOT, FOR TORIEL AND ASGORE ARE OUT BUYING A THIRD CAKE AS WE SPEAK!"

Sans and Frisk exchanged eye contact. "That... sounds great, Papyrus. I hope you don't mind..." Frisk trailed off, trying to figure out how to word things.

"but we brought a pair of guests along." Sans gestured grandly (read: lazily) to the artists formerly known as The Absolute God of Hyperdeath, and The Demon That Comes When You Call Its Name. "meet chara and asriel." Asriel attempted to smile, but it came off awkward and unsure. Chara also attempted to smile, but it made them look a little bit like a serial killer.

Papyrus grinned, even though he hadn't ever stopped doing so. "WOWIE, NEW FRIENDS! NICE TO MEET YOU BOTH! I AM THE GREAT PAPYRUS, MASTER OF BOTH PUZZLES AND THE CULINARY ARTS! HM... CHARA AND ASRIEL. I FEEL LIKE I'VE HEARD THOSE NAMES BEFORE." Realization flashed across his face, and he slapped both oven mitt/boxing glove hands over his face in shock. "OH MY GOD, YOU'RE THAT R&B GROUP THAT UNDYNE LOVES SO MUCH! SHE'LL BE SO EXCITED TO SEE YOU BOTH!"

Chara and Asriel shared a glance, the boss monster mouthing 'what's an arr-and-bee?' while Chara buried their face in their hands, disallowing them from answering Asriel's question.

Frisk pointedly cleared their throat. "What they're trying to say is that they're happy to meet you too, Papyrus."

Papyrus removed his hands from his face in favor of placing one proudly on his hip and smugly splaying the other one over the breastplate of his battle body. "WELL, OF COURSE THEY ARE! IT'S NOT EVERY DAY YOU GET TO MEET SOMEONE AS 'TOTALLY TUBULAR' AS THE GREAT PAPYRUS!" He leaned in past Sans and Frisk to whisper discreetly to the pair behind them. And by whisper discreetly, I mean scream very loudly and spew spaghetti breath everywhere. "THAT'S HOW THE COOL KIDS TALK. AS ONE OF THE COOL KIDS, I WOULD KNOW. REMEMBER, IF YOU USE THEIR LINGO, EVENTUALLY THEY WILL ABSORB YOU INTO THE MASS CONSCIOUSNESS OF COOL!" 

Asriel looked faintly terrified and mildly amused, while Chara looked faintly amused and mildly terrifying. 

"WELL, THAT'S ENOUGH INTRODUCTIONS, WOULDN'T YOU SAY? PLEASE, COME INSIDE SO I CAN INTRODUCE YOU TO EVERYONE ELSE, EXCEPT FOR TORIEL AND ASGORE WHO ARE BUYING CAKE AT THIS VERY MOMENT EXACTLY!" Papyrus formed a one skeleton conga line, fast paced music playing from... somewhere as he danced inside. Sans and Frisk walked in without batting an eye, while Asriel had to be dragged inside as he attempted to process what was going on. Chara wondered if they were really prepared for this. No, it'd be fine. Surely the rest of Frisk's friends were normal. As soon as they were led into the living room, Chara was greeted by the sight of three figures wearing dark, heavily embroidered cloaks. The cloaked figures were doing interpretive dances around a giant burning wooden effigy, which appeared to be a snail wearing sunglasses. A summoning circle was drawn around the effigy, and a number of red candles were lit and positioned just so. A deep, sonorous chant echoed around the room, sounding extremely foreboding and ominous, which both mean the same thing and thus the repetition is unnecessary. Papyrus hit the light switch on the wall, and three heads snapped up to look at them.

"Oh, darlings, you're back! Wonderful, simply wonderful! And only four hours late for the celebration, too." A hood was pulled down, revealing the face of a humanoid robot that Chara found themself uncomfortably attracted to. They remembered the look on his face just before he exploded. He was hotter, this time around. He tossed off the cloak with a flourish, a trail of sparkles following behind it as it swirled dramatically through the air. The automaton twirled and struck several incredibly flexible poses, tossing his luxurious hair back and staring at the group with the sultriest look Chara had ever seen in their life. "Oh, and you brought friends! How delightful." He sauntered forth, strutting like he was on a catwalk. He swiped both Asriel and Chara's hands into his own, pressing a kiss to each of their palms. Chara wasn't sure if it would be appropriate to hit him or not. It'd probably just hurt their hand. "Charmed to meet you, dears. I'd introduce myself, but I'm positive you already know who I am. But you know what? I'll do it anyway!" He leapt backwards, doing a split as his hands transformed into cannons, which shot out streams of confetti and tiny fireworks which exploded overhead, forming the words 'METTATON MAX' in bright, colorful sparkles. Frisk, Papyrus, and the other two hooded figures clapped politely. 

Then, before Asriel or Chara could get a word in edgewise, another cloak was tossed aside, revealing an incredibly intense looking fish woman. She leapt through the air, spinning like a top before landing in a wide stance beside Mettaton. She sized up the two newcomers with a single bulging eye, before grinning so wide that Chara was sure her jaw would snap off. Chara could remember that same smile as scales and armor melted together. "Sup, nerds? I'm Undyne." Her eye widened at Chara in particular, and she leaned over to yell in Frisk's ear. "Frisk, I had no idea you could make human friends! That's awesome!" 

"I-I, uh.. think what she m-means to say is that we're g-glad you're interacting with other h-humans." The third figure removed their hood, revealing a pointed, scaly yellow face. Chara recognized this one only from Frisk's more pleasant runs. She spoke with a slight stutter, sounding a little nasally and a lot girlish. "I-I'm Alphys... it-it's nice to meet you both.. u-uhm..." Alphys' eyes bulged out, and she began wheezing for breath. 

"OH, SHI-" Papyrus waved, and Undyne hastily averted her naughty language, "S-SHOOT. Quick, introduce yourselves! DO IT NOW!" She thundered, looking frantic. 

"Asriel I'm Asriel and this is Chara nice to meet you," the boss monster blurted out, trying to avoid another unnecessary death due to his actions. Or, inaction, in this case. 

Alphys instantly began breathing again, clearing her throat and smiling awkwardly. "S-sorry, I, um.. f-forgot my allergy medication this morning." Her smile melted away, replaced by stark shock. "O-oh. My god. A-Asriel and Chara? Like, t-THE Asriel and Chara? B-but you both-" She aborted her sentence when she saw the frantic 'no' motions Frisk was making at her. "I-I mean... g-great to meet you, people I d-don't recognize from somewhere else! H-heh..." 

Papyrus, being the master of sensing the mood, screamed obliviously. "INTRODUCTIONS? BLASPHEMOUS! I SPECIFICALLY STATED THAT THEY WERE OVER WITH! I THINK. DID I SAY THAT? SANS, REMIND ME!" 

Sans carefully considered his response. "...yes." 

"WOWIE! THAT IS LITERALLY THE LEAST HELPFUL RESPONSE YOU COULD HAVE GIVEN ME!" Papyrus not taking Sans' bullshit immediately cemented him in Chara's good books. The rest of them... well, it might take a while. Chara glanced back to get a read on Asriel, who looked mildly petrified. Probably still shaken up because Alphys recognized them. Whatever, it was all gonna have to come out sooner or later, right? They ignored the anxious fluttering in their chest in favor of trying to sneak away into the kitchen. Stepped on cake was better than no cake. Hell, they could eat just about anything at this point.

Papyrus paused in his back and forth with Sans, spying the second human trying to get into the kitchen. "BE VERY CAREFUL, HUMAN! THERE ARE A NUMBER OF DEADLY TRAPS AND PUZZLES SET UP BY YOURS TRULY TO PROTECT THE KITCHEN FROM UNWANTED INTRUDERS!" Ugh. Really? What the hell was it with monsters and puzzles? Chara had hoped that leaving the Underground for good would free them forever from the horrors of puzzles, but apparently not. They ignored the warning, and slipped away to the kitchen.

"seriously kid, you might want to rethink this." Sans sounded... concerned? Why now, of all times? They remembered the puzzles from that run, and only the last one had seemed even the least bit dangerous. 

 **"I don't take orders from you, skeleman,"** Chara replied defiantly, pointedly putting one foot onto the kitchen tile. A giant guillotine fell from a hidden compartment in the ceiling, and Chara found themself without the very front of their shoe. They said nothing, mechanically turning around to re-enter the living room.  **"I wasn't hungry anyway."** Asriel was immediately all over them, yanking them up in the air by the leg and inspecting their foot. When he didn't find any visible injuries, he breathed a sigh of relief and carelessly dropped them on their head.  **"Wow, thanks. So helpful."** Chara's sarcasm was acidic enough to burn through steel.  **"What's this celebration for, anyway? There doesn't seem to be much celebrating going on. Other than... y'know. That."** They gestured pointedly at the giant burning effigy. Alphys laughed, high pitched and nervous, and threw a tarp over it. That also caught on fire. 

Mettaton blinked in confusion, still wearing a dashing smile. "Darling, do you really not know? Today is the first anniversary of our escape from the Underground."

Sans and Frisk both stared at each other in opened mouth shock. Except for the open mouth part, because Sans has severe lockjaw and Frisk has moderate to severe resting bitch face.

"OH MY GOD, I WAS ACTUALLY RIGHT ABOUT THE REASON FOR THE PARTY! MOSTLY." Papyrus paused, and then immediately corrected himself. "I MEAN, OF COURSE I WAS! THE GREAT PAPYRUS IS NEVER INCORRECT ABOUT ANYTHING! THAT IS A PAPYRUS FACT, WHICH IS A FACT THAT HAS A COOLNESS RATING OF TWENTY EIGHT, MUCH HIGHER THAN THE ONE-TO-TEN OF REGULAR FACTS!" 

Alphys patiently ignored Papyrus' lack of sense. "Well, t-technically the anniversary isn't until t-tomorrow. We just w-wanted to have a.. smaller c-celebration, first. T-there's going to be a really b-big party in central park, tomorrow evening. A-apparently it's going to become an officially s-sanctioned holiday. 'Freedom Day', I think." 

Frisk and Chara both made eye contact. "I... think that's already a holiday?" 

Papyrus violently inserted himself into the conversation. "PREPOSTEROUS! HOW COULD FREEDOM DAY ALREADY BE A HOLIDAY, IF WE ONLY ESCAPED FROM THE UNDERGROUND ONE TIME? CHECK AND MATE! ONCE AGAIN, PAPYRUS ACHIEVES VICTORY IN A BATTLE OF WITS! NYEH HEH HEH HEH!" Jeez. This skeleton just oozed confidence, didn't he? Possibly literally. Chara was pretty sure there was some sort of liquid coming out of his elbow joint. 

Undyne made a noise of frustration, clenching her fist so hard that the wooden effigy exploded, sending flaming debris flying towards everyone. She turned around and puffed up her cheeks, before compressed air exploded out of her mouth. The deadly shards of fiery wood turned to ash. "...Anyway, Asgore and Toriel had better hurry up with that cake! It's been, what, an hour? I bet you any money Asgore found some kind of shop with little teacups in it-" Undyne paused in her rant as her phone buzzed. She unlocked the screen, her facing falling flat. "...They found a store with teacups and embroidered doilies." A collective groan travelled around the room. "Guess we can kiss that cake goodbye."

"M-maybe not!" Alphys whipped out her phone, glasses gleaming and her little claws tapping frantically on the touch screen. In a few moments, a distant rumbling could be heard. 

"uh... anyone else hearin' that?" Sans almost mustered the effort to shuffle over and peer out the window. Almost. 

Asriel's eyes widened minutely. "That sounds like-" He snapped his mouth shut, earning a curious look from Chara. 

"Sound's like Asgore running at full tilt," Undyne continued where Asriel had left off, remaining completely unsuspicious. "What in the world did you text him, Alphys?" 

"O-oh, I just told him there was a gardening s-special on TV." Alphys blushed modestly as she received polite applause, and squeaked when she was lifted onto Undyne's shoulders.

"Hell yeah, that's what I'm talkin' about! How do you even fit all those brains in that head of yours?" Undyne and Alphys quickly fell into an extremely mushy back-and-forth, which was painfully nauseating to everyone within earshot. Except Mettaton, who sighed dreamily and babbled on about how beautiful young love was, and did you know that in his new movie he played opposite one of the most handsome human actors in the world in a romantic dramedy, in theaters this Friday buy your tickets now.  Papyrus listened to Mettaton's self promotion with starry sockets, and began boasting alongside him. That gave Frisk, Sans, Chara, and Asriel the perfect chance to abscond into the kitchen. ...Which was filled with traps, that were all triggered at once. Clubs swung, blades sliced, cannons fired, tumblr users wrote long, angry posts, and the entire kitchen shook violently up and down.

 **"WHO THE HELL PUTS THIS SHIT IN THEIR KITCHEN?!"** Chara screeched, clinging for dear life to Asriel's torso, who was cowering on top of the fridge. Sans and Frisk had taken cover under the kitchen table, which was on fire. 

"it's pretty puzzling, huh?" Sans shared a chuckle with his favorite human, just as a frozen stick of butter was launched across the room at hypersonic speeds. It crashed through the wall, and kept flying. Some say that it is still going, to this very day. But eventually, the literally thousands of traps all finished being triggered, and went back into the hidden compartments that Papyrus had apparently built into every available surface in the kitchen. "alright, i think we're safe now. so, uh.. gonna bring up the big issue we're facing. asgore and tori are on their way, and we don't have any explanation for what's going on besides the bare bones truth." 

"Can't we just tell them we came back from the dead? They'll probably be too emotional to question things, anyway." Asriel climbed down from the fridge, Chara still wrapped around him. "And.. if we have to, we'll just say... that you both came back to save us. They'll believe that, right?" 

 **"And what do we tell them if they want details, dummy? If they knew what we did..."** Chara bit their lip, unwinding their arms from around the boss monster and trying to look casual.  **"All we can do is lie. We'll say that Frisk found some history books about what happened, or something, and... came back to resurrect us, with the power of love, or something stupid like that."**

"sounds pretty flimsy, pal. asgore might buy it, but tori would see right through that. what do you think, frisk?" Every eye in the room turned to look at the silent human.

"...I think they'll understand if we don't tell them the particulars. They just want their children back." Frisk fiddled with their fingers, staring at the floor. "If they question things, just tell them you can't talk about it. They can't force you to talk, after all."

 **"..Guess that's the best we can do, huh?"** Chara sighed noisily, sauntering over to dig through the fridge.  **"Jeez, why is there so much spaghetti in here? Don't you guys eat anything else?"** They removed a tupperware container absolutely crammed with pasta, peering through the translucent container critically. **"...Aren't you supposed to store the sauce and noodles separately?"**

"my brother's got a... unique way of making spaghetti. and storing it. and eating it." Sans watched passively as Chara began shoveling spaghetti onto a plate, frowning when it stuck to the fork. Poor thing was completely unaware of the horror that awaited them. Sans was eager to watch the show.

"You.. might not want to eat that," Frisk cautioned, knowing very well the fate that awaited Chara.

 **"Listen. I haven't eaten real food in like, a bazillion years. So you can put a cork in it, because I'm eating this whole damn plate of pasta."** Chara slammed the microwave door pointedly, punching in '6:66'. The microwave imploded before they even hit the 'START' button. They triumphantly pulled out the steaming plate of spaghetti, twirling a plastic fork through the thick, starchy noodles. Asriel leapt forward to stop them, screaming incomprehensibly just as the first bite of pasta touched Chara's tongue. All three of the other kitchen's occupants watched in dread, excitement, and horror. Which was which? You decide! Chara chewed once, then twice. They swallowed, expressionless. The plate was gently set on the table, which had been extinguished at some point in time. **"...Can I never eat again? Like, ever?"**

Asriel wailed and threw his arms around them, shaking them back and forth. "Oh my god, Chara, you survived! I was so worried I'd lose you again to a plate of spaghetti!"

"c'mon, it isn' _that_ bad." Sans held the slightly guilty look that Frisk was giving him. "...is it really that bad?" They made a little so-so motion, before nodding. "welp. with papyrus' cooking being the main source of food around here, it's no wonder you're so... skin-ny." He raised a hand for a high five and Asriel delivered without looking. The boss monster then stared at his own hand, betrayal written on his face. 

And then, there was a knock at the door. "We're back, everybody! We have cake, and personalized tea cups!" Asgore's permanent cheer was apparent even through the thick front door. Asriel swayed on the spot at the sound of his father's voice, looking faint. The front knob turned, and in walked Asgore and Toriel, the former king holding a plastic container of cake, and the former queen carrying a bag filled with several carefully packed boxes, which presumably held the teacups.

"Oh my, do I smell smoke? I hope nobody attempted cooking without my supervision." Toriel's Accusative Voice cut through the conversation like a knife, and everyone immediately began looking guilty despite the fact that none of them had actually tried cooking. Meanwhile, Chara had to physically restrain Asriel from hiding in a cabinet.

 **"C'mon, you idiot! We can't hide from them forever,"** Chara hissed, keeping a tight hold of the squirming boss monster. Feeling a sudden flare of bravery, they dragged him out of the kitchen, and into view of the front door.  **"Hey mom, hey dad. Missed us?"** And then the bravery immediately left when the saw the looks on their parents' faces. Asgore quivered like a leaf in a stiff breeze, face screwed up in confusion. Toriel had covered her mouth with both hands, eyes blown wide and quickly filling with tears. Asgore's trembling hands fell limp, and the cake fell as well. Asriel scrambled forward to catch it, and stared up into his father's eyes as he slowly rose. 

"..H-hi, dad. Hi, mom. Uhm... s-surprise?" Asriel smiled weakly, gazing into eyes that had always held so much warmth and compassion, and now looked hopelessly lost. He held still as a shaky paw cupped his face, as if Asgore were making sure he was actually real. "G-gosh.. we've been gone a long time, huh? I'm awful sorry about that-" he was cut off as thick, burly arms began squeezing the life out of him, and he was held against a chest that heaved with sobs. Asriel leaned against his father for the first time in many, many years. His own eyes welled up, and he joined in with Asgore's wailing.

Chara watched the two so they didn't have to meet their mother's eyes, rictus smile wobbling at the edges. **"P-pretty.. crazy, huh? I sure wasn't expecting it. Funny how things work ou-"** Chara almost bit their tongue when they saw Toriel's tear filled gaze, and felt that familiar heat behind their eyes. They tried to force it away, tried to pretend everything was alright and they didn't feel torn apart inside from seeing their parents again. But it refused. Chara's face screwed up and they threw themself at her, arms wrapping tight around her soft, fluffy body. She still smelled the same, and it only made them cry harder. 

"Oh... my child," Toriel whispered, soft and brittle. Her own arms came to rest around Chara, and she tried for a smile. "Look how much you've grown... both of you. I.. I..." Tears matted the fur around Toriel's eyes, and she held her child as if she would never let go. She could never let them leave her life again.

Asgore mumbled Asriel's name in disbelief, squeezing his son so hard he feared he might crack him in half. But letting go... that was something he couldn't do. So instead he reached out with one arm, hugging his ex-wife and adopted child as close as he could, trying to keep his family as close to him as possible.

Alphys and Undyne watched the reunion in each other's arms, Undyne fighting back tears as Alphys cried openly. Mettaton forwent his dramatic wails, dabbing gently at his eyes with a handkerchief. Papyrus had courteously stuffed a throw pillow into his mouth to muffle his loud sobs, tears pouring down his face cartoonishly. Sans and Frisk watched on, the human with tears in their eyes and love in their heart. And Sans? Well... he was happy. Happy for Toriel and Asgore. Happy for Chara and Asriel.

And he was happy for himself, too. More so than he could ever remember.  

 

 

 


	87. Aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone has their secrets.

Hours passed in a blur of tears for Asriel. He was vaguely aware of the robot and the scaly couple taking their leave, and both the skeletons had retreated deeper into the house, and he appreciated being given space to reunite with his family. But even once they all regained the ability to speak coherently, the tears still came. They were grey, like ink diluted by water, and he inspected them curiously when nobody was looking at him. It proved a suitable distraction to the roaring, gnawing panic that erupted within him at the thought of what his parents would say if they knew the truth. Asriel had never been particularly brave, and fear remained a strong motivator. The last time he had been so utterly terrified was when Chara was on their deathbed. He feared messing everything up and ruining their plan.. and those fears had come to fruition. What were the chances that these fears would not be unfounded, too? Surely he would be shunned at the very least, and his parents would never want to see him again, and their memory of their children would be forever tarnished by his legacy of atrocities. He looked up when a plate was nudged against his chest, and he saw a piece of cake resting on it. It was chocolate and butterscotch. He smiled faintly, uttering a quiet 'thank you'. When the presence did not leave him to his thoughts, he looked up again, and saw Frisk's smiling face. The way they looked at him... he could hardly describe it. 

"Don't worry, okay? Everything is going to work out. I promise." They playfully flopped one of his ears, and he sputtered indignantly in response. They left him, trailing giggles in their wake. He scanned the room around him, finding Chara settled in Toriel's old arm chair, chatting with their parents as if nothing had ever happened. But he could see the fragility of their smile, and the way their eyes darted in his direction every few moments. He could see how his parents carefully avoided looking at each other, how they both looked so much older despite not having aged a day. He knew they'd split up because of his and Chara's deaths; how could he not? But as Flowey, it had only registered as a simple fact. One event happened, and as a result another event happened. A straight line, with branching paths that only he could explore. Now he felt a suffocating guilt, knowing he was responsible for the death of their happiness. He had not paid much attention to his father as Flowey, but he knew that as time passed, the king grew more and more reclusive. He was seen less in public, and talk of him faded so slowly that nobody even seemed to realize it was happening. He'd watched him, once; puttering endlessly around his patch of flowers, tending to them as he would his own children. He'd found it absolutely pathetic at the time. Now? ...Asriel let the thought hang. Having these complex emotions again was like learning how to move for a second time. Everything felt clumsy and tangled, and more often than not he hit a wall. 

"-sriel? Why don't you join us, son?" The sound of his father's voice broke him from his thoughts, and he smiled weakly up at that painfully familiar face. "Chara was just regaling us with the tale of Frisk and Sans' rescue of you both. To think a dragon had been living in Waterfall all this time!" Asgore's wonder sounded sincere, but Asriel could tell he was simply playing along. Toriel's eyes twinkled with a rekindled fondness, which she did nothing to snuff out. 

"..Sure." He stood slowly from the loveseat, and awkwardly joined his parents on the couch. It was made to fit four people, but three fully grown boss monsters? It was a bit of a tight squeeze. He ended up pressed hard against the arm of the couch by his father's... broad stature. 

 **"Now that Grumps McGee is finally here, I can continue. So there I was, in the marshes of Waterfall, left with nothing but my broadsword and my iron will. My heart beat like a steel drum, but I was determined to rescue Asriel's SOUL from this terrible beast. Frisk and Sans provided covering fire, distracting the dragon as I closed in, swinging my sword with a mighty yell! AAAAAAGGGHHH!"** Chara's warcry rattled the windows, and Asriel was pretty sure a lamp fell over. But the exhilarated smile on his sibling's face kept him from complaining. If his parents' lack of reaction was anything to go by, he assumed they felt the same way.  **"I cleaved the dragon's head off with a single blow, and blood was like, EVERYWHERE! Luckily I was in Waterfall, so it just washed right off. I raised the dragon's head into the air, and threw it down a chasm, so that it couldn't come back to life, 'cuz dragon heads can totally grow new bodies,"** Chara informed them matter-of-factly. Asriel didn't know much about dragons, besides what he'd read in old human fairytale books that they'd found in the dumps, but he didn't remember anything about them growing new bodies. Well... Chara would probably know, right?  **"Anyway, I carved my way into the beast, scales and bones and squishy organs melting away under the force of my blade-"**

"Dear, not to.. stifle your creativity-er, nonfiction prose, but perhaps we could tone down the graphic descriptions?" Toriel suggested politely. Asgore looked faintly ill. 

Chara rolled their eyes.  **"Fine, fine. So I carved through it like it was a delicious Christmas ham with a crisp honey glaze, and found Asriel's SOUL, which had been locked away in the dragon's heart. I skewer- _removed_ it from the heart, and we combined it with Asriel's remains. And then he came back to life, and transformed into the edgy looking doof lord over there. He cried like a big baby, and I had to carry him out of the Underground all by myself." ** Chara gestured at him, and he squawked indignantly. 

"I am NOT a doof lord! Maybe you're the doof lord!" Asriel had no idea what a doof lord was, but if Chara had called him that, it must be some sort of insult. "And I'm the one that carried you out of the Underground!"

**"Pfft! Yeah right. You're a TOTAL doof. Maybe you should call yourself The Absolute God of Hyperdoof."**

Toriel looked like she was about to pull out the mom-fu, but Asgore stepped in before she could. "Now, now. Neither of you are doof lords, and I'm sure you're both equally capable of carrying one another out of the Underground." He paused for a moment, as if to acknowledge the absurdity of what he'd said. But the moment passed, and he followed it up with a ferocious yawn. "As nice as this was, I'm afraid I have work in the morning." He looked like the thought of leaving his children for even a moment was going to tear him in half. "Perhaps I could come over for dinner, tomorrow?"

Toriel sighed, seeming to struggle with what she was going to say next. "We have been... talking. Frisk, Sans, Papyrus, and I. Frisk brought up the issue of you living by yourself, and we all agreed that it wasn't... healthy, for you to wallow in solitude. I'm sure you've had more than enough of that. So, we spruced up the spare bedroom... and I'm sure we could fit a bunk bed in Frisk's room..." She glanced at all three of them to gauge their reactions.

Asgore looked visibly conflicted, likely trying to decide between giving Toriel her space and wanting to be close to his family again. "I... this is too much, really. I couldn't possibly impose on you-"

"Asgore," Toriel interrupted flatly. "Do you honestly think this is a proposal I would make without having given it serious thought, and having talked it over very thoroughly with my other house mates? So please, save yourself the embarrassment and agree to move in with us." She paused, and her expression softened slightly. "I know you can't be happy, cooped up in that tiny apartment. And I'm sure your children would like you to stay." Asriel nodded in unison with Chara, both of them knowing better than to speak up when Toriel was in Serious Mode.

"I... alright," Asgore caved, looking almost relieved. "I have to renew my lease at the end of the month anyway, so I can talk to my landlord about terminating it. I... give me until the new year, and I'll be able to move in. ...Thank you, Toriel. This means so much to me." 

"I cannot in good conscious keep a loving father from his children," Toriel deflected, but her lips quirked up in a smile. "Besides, the garden could use some work, and nobody here has much of a green thumb." 

Asgore grinned, warm and bright. "Of course. I noticed myself that the hydrangea is looking a little wilted. But, we can save that for another time. For now, I really must be taking my leave." He stood from his seat on the couch, allowing Asriel half a moment to breathe before he was scooped up by one massive arm and squeezed half to death. Chara met the same fate shortly after. "You have no idea how happy I am to have you both back." Asriel nodded against his father's shoulder, feeling choked up with a redoubling of emotion.

Clearly, Chara didn't have that issue.  **"Jeez, dad. You're such a big sap. Buuuut... I guess it's nice to see you again too."** Chara's true feelings went unsaid, but to Asriel, they were clear as day. Chara had always been good at pretending not to feel things very strongly. 

Asgore saw through Chara's casual words, smiling warmly. He pressed a kiss to both their foreheads, despite Chara's protests, and gave them one last squeeze before releasing them onto their feet. "I love you both, very much. Be good for your mother, okay?" he sent an unreadable look at Toriel, settling with a "Farewell," before taking his leave.  

"Well.. I think it is about time for us to get some rest, yes? I'm sure you've both had a very long day of fighting dragons. I'm sure it was very... scaley." Toriel giggled as Chara groaned out loud, and Asriel snickered behind a hand. 

 **"Wow. I fight a dragon, and I get puns as thanks? See what happens next time you all get attacked by a fire breathing lizard."** Chara huffed and crossed their arms, trying to look aloof. 

Asriel couldn't resist the opportunity. "Chara, how would you rate that dragon fight, on a scale of one to ten?" Toriel absolutely howled with laughter, somehow managing to fall over herself despite sitting down. Chara gave him a glare that promised a swift demise, and Asriel merely smiled in return. 

 **"Ugh, you're both hopeless."** Chara grabbed Asriel by the arm, yanking him after them.  **"C'mon Azzy, let's go annoy Frisk until they give up their bed."**

"I'm sure they'll be perfectly willing to share for the time being. Don't stay up too late, you two." Toriel waved them off as they turned the corner, and into a hallway with four doors, presumably leading into bedrooms. One of them was covered in the scrawl of a red marker, which simply read 'sasn *oops i meant sans' Well, it was pretty obvious whose bedroom that was. Asriel choked on a yelp as he was yanked almost completely off his feet as Chara moved to the door across from it, finding a little red heart painted onto the wood. Chara practically kicked the door down, barging in loudly. 

 **"Hey wow thanks for giving up your room for us, that's really nice of you, well see ya."** Frisk was summarily yanked out of bed, where they'd been reading a thick, hardcover book. It appeared to be a cookbook, if the professional photo quality food on the front was any indication. 

"Chara, I'm sure we can just share with them. Or you can share, and I'll just take the couch-" Asriel was cut off by a vicious shake. 

**"Screw that. I've been dead for a bazillion years, and you've been a fucking flower for who knows how long. I think we deserve to sleep in a nice warm bed."**

"I really don't mind sharing, you know. It could be like a sleepover!" Stars visibly lit up in Frisk's eyes, and they excitedly pulled away from Chara to dig through their dresser. "I'm pretty sure my pajamas will fit you both. But.. they might be a little short on you, Asriel." 

"Uh... I can sleep in this?" Asriel was very confused. Not only had Frisk almost sacrificed their timeline because of him and Chara, but they had saved the two of them, brought them back to life, gave them another chance to grow up with their family... and now Frisk was treating them like friends? He just didn't understand it. He didn't understand Frisk. Not one bit. 

Frisk bit their lip, looking him over with a critical eye. "...I guess that's fine, but we're gonna have to wash your dress tomorrow." Mortification flooded through Asriel in an instant as Chara broke into snorting laughter. 

"I-It's not a dress! It's a battle robe," he protested fiercely, baring his fangs to look as menacing as possible. Frisk just stared at him with that cheerful look on their face.

 **"Really? I must have been mistaken; last I checked, you were The Absolute God of Hyperdress."** Chara bared their teeth in the biggest, shit eatingest grin Asriel had ever seen in his life.

"It's a BATTLE ROBE! It has magical enchantments weaved into the cloth so that it can reflect magic spells and it's so tough you couldn't even cut through it with a sword and- s-shut up!" He barked, as Chara's laughter grew louder. 

"It's okay, Asriel. I think your battle robe is really pretty," Frisk said brightly, which was about the worst thing they could have ever said ever. Asriel turned to stomp out of the room and sulk on the couch, but someone caught his arm before he could leave. 

"Lemme go!" He yanked, and when they didn't let go he assumed it must be Chara. He narrowed his eyes in the most menacing manner he could muster, using his height advantage to loom over them. 

 **"Azzy, c'mon, don't be like that. It was just a joke! But if it makes you feel better, I promise not to make fun of your battle dress anymore."** Chara smiled at him sweetly, and he felt a chill roll down his spine. 

"Battle  _robe_ ," he muttered petulantly, but acquiesced as he was dragged over to the bed. He flopped over onto it, groaning at how much give it had. This was a million times more comfortable than his childhood bed. Considering most, if not all, of the Underground's mattresses were dragged out of the dump, it wasn't surprising. His relaxation was immediately ruined as another body flopped onto his back, knocking the wind out of him. He tried to wriggled out from under them, but they grabbed him by the horns and kept him in place. "Chara, quit it!" He tried to roll over and kick them, and ended up rolling both of them right off the bed. They both hit the floor with a thud, Asriel caught sight of Frisk attempting to hold back laughter before his face was mashed against the floor. 

 **"Wow, nice going. They should call you The Absolute God of Hyperdum-"** Chara cut themself off with a squeal as Asriel flipped them off his back, sitting directly on their stomach. He pinched their cheeks between his furry fingers, squishing them together. 

"BURN IN DESPAIR, FEEBLE HUMAN!" Asriel cackled menacingly, and then made a noise of disgust when Chara wiggled their tongue out to lick his fingers. "Oh my gosh you're so gross." He shoved their head away as they cackled much more menacingly than he had without even trying. "I'm done with you. I disown you as my sibling." Asriel climbed back into bed, making sure to stick his feet in Chara's face on the way up.

 **"You're so dumb. You can't disown your siblings!"** Chara swayed to their feet, and paused.  **"Frisk, can you disown your siblings?"**

Asriel cut in before they had the chance to respond. "Why would Frisk know? And if they did know, wouldn't you, considering you could like, see everything when you were in their head?" 

 **"It's not like I could read their mind! Besides, Frisk is very worldly. I'm sure they know a lot of things."** Chara smiled at the other human in a manner that promised terrible things would befall them if they did not answer the question to Chara's liking. 

"I think that, legally, you can disown yourself from your own family, which is kind of like disowning your sibling? But I don't think you can directly oust a sibling from your family. I think a parent or legal guardian has to do that." Frisk smiled tentatively, glancing nervously at the door. "We should probably go to bed. Toriel doesn't like me staying up too late, and I doubt she'd want you two up late either." 

 **"See, I knew you couldn't disown me,"** Chara crowed in victory. They acknowledged Frisk by throwing themself onto the bed and crawling under the covers.  **"Wow, your bed is crazy comfortable. It's mine now."**

"You can't just take Frisk's bed, it's theirs." 

 **"Fuckin' watch me."** Chara spread eagle on the bed, trying to cover as much of it as possible.  **"Thanks for the bed, Frisk. I appreciate your contribution to the cause."**

Frisk blinked at them, looking slightly puzzled. "I.. can sleep on the couch, if you guys want the bed. It's no trouble." 

"Actually? Actually. Frisk, you are actually too nice for your own good. Get up here, and ignore Chara like I do. It's easy once you get used to it." Asriel scooted over to make room for the bed's actual owner, roughly shoving Chara to the side. They shoved him back with their shoulder, and they almost broke into a full on scuffle before Frisk wormed between them, smiling flirtatiously. 

"You mind if I'm the filling in this sandwich~?" They purred, in a manner Asriel hadn't thought them capable of. He immediately scooted away from them, seeing the outline of Chara doing the same. 

"You two are both the grossest," he mumbled, rolling over to stuff his face in a pillow. They were sinfully soft and delightfully floofy, and he vaguely considered stealing one for when he and Chara got their own bed(s). 

 **"I dunno if skeleman would like you putting the moves on us."** Asriel could feel Frisk's answering wink in his bones. 

"Can we please just go to sleep? I want this nightmare to be over already." Frisk and Chara both giggled in an eerily similar manner, and he felt Frisk press against his back to lean over and turn off the bedside lamp. He was pretty sure he stopped breathing. 

"Goodnight!" Frisk whispered cheerfully, snuggling into the divot between himself and Chara. He could hear Chara's answering mumble, and assumed they were already falling asleep. They were always quick to do so. Asriel said nothing in return, simply squeezing his eyes shut and waiting for sleep to claim him. If tomorrow was as draining as today... well, Asriel had a feeling he'd really need this sleep. 

 


	88. Celebration Preparation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not much preparing actually happens.

When Frisk woke up, it was like they were stepping out of one dream and into another. They felt comfortable to an almost uncomfortable degree, so toasty warm that they surely had a nice golden brown crust by now, and so safe and secure that they never wanted to get up again. Also it kinda smelled like goat. Frisk attempted to wriggle, only for an arm which was securely wrapped around their abdomen to squeeze the life out of them. They gasped for air, almost certain their floating ribs had been reduced to powder. Well... maybe they could afford a few more minutes of rest. 

UNTIL ACTION EXPLODED INTO ACTION IN AN ACTION PACKED MANNER! The bed shook like an aluminum can in a thing that shakes a lot I guess, and the three occupants were dumped right out of it. Frisk exploded out of the pile of groaning bodies, smiling so bright that it seared the paint right off the walls. They'd almost forgotten about the vibrate alarm they'd installed on their bed! Because that totally makes sense I guess. They skipped towards the door, accidentally stepping on Asriel's head as they did so. Oh well, he'd be fine. "C'mon, you guys! We gotta get ready for breakfast!" 

 **"Wha' th'ell jus' happened?"** Chara slurred, only halfway conscious. Asriel made a pathetic little bleating sound. 

"Oh, that was just my new alarm. Pretty handy, huh? Anyway, we gotta hurry to get ready for breakfast! It's Toriel's turn to cook today," Frisk cheered, digging through their dresser for three sets of clothes before flinging open their bedroom door. They paused, glancing back at the pair who were still lying motionless on the carpeted floor. "I mean, if you'd rather eat some leftover spaghetti instead, you can just wait here-" Frisk stepped back as Chara blasted out the door so quickly that they slammed into the door opposite. "...Are you alright?" 

 **"Yeah sure fine great let's just hurry up-"** Chara did a flip kick off of Sans' door, rocketing back into the bedroom and catching Asriel by the leg as they flew by. They rebounded off the far wall so hard that it rattled the entire house, and exploded back out into the hall with a screaming Asriel in their grasp.  **"BATHROOM????"** They erupted, bloodshot eyes bulging out at Frisk, who carefully put some distance between them. 

"Down the hall-" Chara screamed down the hall at mach 4, creating a sonic boom that sent Frisk ricocheting off the walls like a pinball. They hoped every morning would be as exciting as this one. 

Anyway, after much shenanigans, the three adults(?) were all crowded together in the admittedly cramped downstairs bathroom, meeting each other's gazes in the mirror. Frisk decided to speak first, but then Chara interrupted them preemptively.  **"Hey Frisk, is this your toothbrush?"** They held up a toothbrush with a glossy red handle, waving it in front of Frisk's nose. 

"Yeah. Here, let me grab-" Frisk's arm froze in mid reach as Chara stuffed their toothbrush into their mouth, making sure to slobber all over it. 

 **"Thanks for the toothbrush,"** they mumbled cheerily. 

"Chara, you are literally the most disgusting person ever," Asriel complained. "That thing has Frisk's mouth... stuff, all over it!" 

Chara scoffed, unconcerned.  **"Yeah? Well my mouth stuff is totally more powerful than theirs, which makes this a hostile toothbrush takeover. Case closed. Unless Frisk wants to challenge my superior might?"** Chara leered at them threateningly, and they merely opened the medicine cabinet to reveal a cup filled with different colored toothbrushes. 

"Papyrus has a problem with accidentally biting through his toothbrushes, so we keep extras," Frisk explained. They grabbed one that was almost identical to their old one, splurting some toothpaste on the end and carefully brushing their teeth. 

Asriel smirked and grabbed his own toothbrush as Chara fumed. "Guess world domination's just not working out, huh?" And then much teeth brushing happened, which I'm sure was just utterly hilarious. 

 **"Alright, who's showering first?"** Chara's tone made it extremely clear who they thought should be the first to shower. 

Frisk, seeing a glorious opportunity, waggled their eyebrows so fast that they became nothing more than blurs. "I think we can fit three people in there. Wanna help me find out~?" Chara and Asriel immediately vacated the bathroom. "C'mon, I was just kidding!" 

And then more uninteresting things happened off screen, because I'm sure nobody wants to think about them showering. RIGHT? Anyway there was a bar-of-soap-moving-diagonally-across-the-screen transition, and then they were all standing in the living room, wearing clothes that didn't fit them properly. Except for Frisk, because it was their clothes. "Huh. I wonder where Toriel is. She's usually out here." Frisk leaned over to check underneath her favorite reading chair, which also happened to be her only reading chair. "Nope, not under there." 

"Preeetty sure mom can't fit under that chair," Asriel mumbled. "Maybe she's just getting things ready in the kitchen? You know, the obvious place she'd be?" He rolled his eyes, grabbing both his hoomen frands by the wrists and leading them into the kitchen. 

Sans was sat at the kitchen table, and appeared to be eating a frozen pizza. Not a cooked one, or anything... just like, still frozen. He waved a bony hand in greeting at the three stooges standing in the entranceway of the kitchen. "hey there, kiddos."

"G'morning Sans!" Frisk chirped brightly, prompting an irritated hiss from Chara. "Do you know where Toriel is?"

"yeah, she said something about picking up ingredients for a special breakfast, so you'll have to wait a bit to eat."

Asriel looked confused. "Then... why are you eating?"

"oh, well.. i just happened to find this pizza in the fridge, and the expiration date was in only eighteen months, so i thought 'hey, i'd better eat this before it goes bad'. so to make a long story short, i'm just being a responsible citizen." Sans stared down at the mostly intact pizza. "i'd share some with you, but uh..." He paused, and then proceeded to eat the entire pizza in complete silence for the next five minutes. "but there's none left," he said apologetically, raising his palms in a helpless gesture. There were still ice crystals on his phalanges.

 **"Wow, Sans! You sure are a 'pizza' shit! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"** Chara immediately burst into mocking laughter, practically climbing into the skeleton's lap to laugh in his face.

Sans endured the treatment with a grin on his face, waiting for Chara to wind down before he gently shoved them away, and wiped a bit of spittle off his face. "gee, i sure hope you have parmesan from your mommy to be saying bad words like that. otherwise, you might be pun-ished."

Asriel unleashed the tiniest little gigglesnort that Frisk had ever did darned heard, and their heart just about exploded. But then Chara gave him the most vicious glare that could ever come from any being with a facial expression, and Asriel's face just about turned inside out as he recoiled.

" **You think you're such a cool guy, don't you skeleman? Well I think you're a BONEHEAD!"** Chara roared in victory and beat their chest with tightly clenched fists as Sans watched on passively.

"you must think you're pretty clever, but i can patella whiny brat from a true punster. it's not going tibia surprise when i tell you which you are." Sans winked and clicked his fingers, and Chara grit their teeth from the force of his comedy powers.

Frisk tried to step forward to put a stop to things, but was halted by an arm wrapping around their chest. "Don't interfere," Asriel hissed. "There's no stopping Chara when they get like this. We just gotta wait for Sans to give up."

"B-but Sans never knows when to let a joke die!" Frisk protested. Horror dawned on them, and from the look on Asriel's face, his thoughts must have run the same route.

 **"Don't go down this road with me, skeleman! You may think you've got me beat, but you're really in a world of treble!"** Chara's smile stretched around the corners of their face, teeth bared ferociously.

"maybe you should scale things down, before i play you like a fiddle." Sans grinned lazily, observing with a dark look in his sockets as Chara staggered backwards. Frisk and Asriel watched on in horrified anticipation.

 **"I'd warn you against throwing down with me; you clearly don't have the GUTS!"** Chara appeared to be trying to grasp victory through sheer force of volume, for the power of their voice rattled the window panes.

Frisk sent a trepidatious look upstairs, knowing that the beast that lurked within would be drawn by the scent of punning, sooner or later. "Uh, guys-"

Sans snorted through his nasal cavities like an angry dragon, and flecks of frozen pizza sauce flew out. "kid, you are really playing with fire. and if you play with fire... you're gonna get chara'd."

 **"AAAAAAAGGGHHH!"** Chara screeched, clutching at their chest. **"Y-you... no, I refuse to give up! You're gonna lose, skeleman! You know why?"** Chara let the words hang, head bowed. Then their gaze snapped up, scarlet eyes burning with determination. **"BECAUSE I CAN SEE RIGHT THROUGH YOU!"** They pointed dramatically, and Sans grunted as if struck.

A slightly nasally rumbling began emanating from upstairs. Frisk and Asriel exchanged fearful looks. "Guys, really-"

But it wasn't over yet. Sans' sockets gleamed with something sinister. "if it were anyone else sayin' that, i'd call it a three pointer. but you... well, you've really dropped the ball on this one... because now it's time to G E T D U N K E D." Bass heavy hip hop played from nowhere, and a fan that had been set up in the corner turned on, making the hem of Sans' basketball jersey flap in the breeze. He adjusted his several pairs of sunglasses, peering over them at the stunned Chara. "looks like the home team takes this one." Chara shrieked at an octave that could break glass, clutching at their chest with one hand. They slipped backwards, and crashed to the floor with a final, thunderous thud.

"I. SMELL. PUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNS!" Roared a familiar voice, and the smugly victorious expression on Sans' face was washed away, and replaced by a terrified grin.

"uh oh."

The door to Papyrus' room was reduced to splinters in an instant, and extremely loud, surprisingly menacing polka played from within. Papyrus howled like a madskeleton, emerging from within. His sockets gleamed with madness, and he sucked in an unnecessary breath.

"oh no, take cover!" Sans leapt under the kitchen table, while Frisk squealed and Asriel bleated in distress. They both ran into each other in their rush to escape, and ended in a tangled pile halfway behind the fridge. Chara, dazed and defeated, barely registered what was going on.. until a bony hand dragged them across the tile. "you'll be safe under here."

 **"W...why? Why are you helping me, skeleman?"** Chara looked lost, blinking at him in a complete lack of understanding.

"for an amateur, your puns were top notch. besides, i didn't go through all that work to bring you back for nothin'. now, uh, you might want to cover your ears." Sans winked.

Papyrus' extremely noisy and slightly phlegmy inhale came to a halt. A hush descended upon the house. And then- "NYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!" Noise was all they knew. It exploded out of the crazed skeleton's mouth like the eruption of a volcano, filling every inch of the house with its sonorous strength, seeping through the walls and escaping through the cracks. Every car alarm in the neighborhood went off, dogs barked up a storm, and children cried for their mothers. Like Asriel, for instance. What a baby.

When the noise finally died down, the world was left in shambles. Countless displaced citizens crawled forth from the rubble of their homes, and set their sights towards building a brighter future. Life would never be the same.

Anyway Papyrus helicoptered down the stairs, hands planted firmly on his hips as his legs spun like rotors. "SANS, YOU KNOW WE AGREED ON NO PUNS BEFORE BREAKFAST. WHAT WOULD EVER DRIVE YOU TO BREAK SUCH A SACRED PROMISE????"

"uhhh. it was their fault." Chara squawked as they were shoved across the tile, spinning to a halt just in front of The Great Papyrus.

"HUMAN! MY BROTHER HAS MADE HIS ACCUSATION. WHAT SAY YOU IN YOUR DEFENSE?!!" Papyrus paused, and then squinted down at them. "WAIT A MINUTE... YOU ARE NOT HUMAN! HUMAN, WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS IMPOSTER?!"

Frisk peered out from behind the fridge. "That's Chara. You just met them yesterday, Papyrus."

Papyrus goggled at them, head swiveling between Frisk and Chara. "HUMAN? ...HUMAN? HUMAN?! HUMAAAAAAAN!?!!?!?!?!" He fell to his knees, howling in brain agony.

 **"...He does realize you're not the only human in existence, right?"** Instead of sounding smarmy, Frisk could detect actual concern in Chara's voice. 

"Well, he always uses prefixes when referring to other humans. Like pizza human, and toilet repair human, and government employed toxic waste disposal expert human." Asriel shot them a puzzled look once he was done cowering. "Don't ask about that last one." 

"I KNOW! I SHALL CALL YOU... UNDEAD HUMAN!" Papyrus beamed proudly, leaping to his feet to plant his hands firmly on his pelvis. 

 **"What the heck is that supposed to mean?"** Chara glanced nervously at their cohorts. 

"DO NOT PLAY ME FOR A FOOL, UNDEAD HUMAN! THIS NOSE KNOWS." Papyrus loomed over them, pointing very clearly at the space where his nose would be if he wasn't a skeleton. "I CAN SMELL MY FELLOW UNDEAD FROM A MILE AWAY! SO YOU ARE NOW UNDEAD HUMAN, FOREVERMORE! IT HAS BEEN DECREED BY THE GREAT PAPYRUS!" Lightning flashed in the background, lighting the skeleton up into an ominous silhouette. 

"Papyrus? That's... maybe you could think of a different nickname?" Frisk suggested weakly. "Not that the one you came up with is bad! It's just... it doesn't really fit Chara's personality, you know? Their prefix has to really reflect who they are inside." 

"OTHER HUMAN," Papyrus amended hastily. "THAT SHALL BE YOUR NEW PREFIX. SO IT HAS BEEN DECREED BY THE GREAT PAPYRUS!" He posed, clearly waiting for the lightning to flash again. "...WELL. I KNOW NEVER TO ORDER FROM 'PYROPE'S PYROTECHNICS' AGAIN!" 

 **"'Other human'? Are you fu-"** Chara's naughty language was stifled by five or possibly twelve skeletal fingers being jammed into their mouth. 

"wow bro, that's a great name for them. they like it a lot, i can tell." He stretched their lips into a smile, and forcibly nodded their head up and down. "see? they love it." 

Papyrus squinted at them in an extremely suspicious manner, 'HMM'ing and scratching his chin. He put on a pair of reading glasses, and they clattered to the floor. "...OKAY, WORKS FOR ME! SO, I COULDN'T HELP BUT NOTICE THAT TORIEL IS NOT ATTENDING TO HER BREAKFASTORIAL DUTIES. CLEARLY, HER POSITION MUST BE FILLED! I NOMINATE THE GREAT PAPYRUS! I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, HUMBLY ACCEPT! CONGRATULATIONS!" Papyrus shook his own hand and then marched towards the stove, only to be tackled to the ground from three different directions. "A MUTINY?!?! I KNEW THIS DAY WOULD COME! I'LL NEVER TELL YOU SCALLYWAGS ABOUT THE HIDDEN TREASURE UNDER MY BED!" 

Asriel sat on Papyrus' flailing legs, trying to avoid being kicked on the face by his size thirty two boots. Chara was splayed sideways across his spine, looking perfectly at ease. Frisk was sat on their knees in front of him, gently patting his oven mitt/boxing glove hands. "It's not a mutiny. Toriel is still making breakfast, she's just out buying ingredients." 

"NYEEEH. I WILL HAVE TO CONFIRM THIS, BY CALLING HER WITH MY CELLULAR TELEPHONIC COMMUNICATION DEVICE!" Papyrus leapt to his feet, easily dislodging the much-more-solid-and-weighty-than-him individuals that had been pinning him to the floor. He whipped out his cellphone, dialing Toriel's number somehow. Her ringtone could be heard from behind the front door. Five heads turned to watch the doorknob jiggle, and then Toriel burst through it, carrying literally billions of shopping bags or perhaps only a dozen. 

"Hello, dears. Would someone mind helping me with these bags? I can't exactly answer my phone at the moment." Frisk and Asriel zoomed over, relieving her of several grocery bags. Chara trudged behind them, and reluctantly grabbed a single bag. The moment they were fully responsible for holding it, it pulled them to the floor. There was an audible 'CRRRACK' on impact; whether that was from the bag or Chara remained to be seen. 

 **"What the fu-er, heck did you put in here? Bricks?"** Chara turned the bag over, and a pile of bricks poured out, followed by three packets of yeast. They shot Toriel a flat look. 

Toriel's stern look evaporated, and a slightly bashful one slotted into place. "It's part of my new workout regimen. Forty bricks a day, from nine 'till noon. Then I put on my lead shoes until six." 

"SO YOU'RE TRYING TO GET FIT TOO, HUH? I COMMEND YOU FOR TAKING ACTION, TORIEL! UNLIKE A CERTAIN LAZYBONES THAT I KNOW, NOT NAMING ANY NAMES IT'S SANS." Frisk held back giggles as they put away groceries. Asriel had no such restraint, and laughed out loud. 

"what, you think i could ever pack some meat onto these bones? you're crazy, bro." Sans had apparently grabbed a pair of throw pillows at one point, and was now lounging across them under the table. 

"THAT'S WHERE YOU'RE WOEFULLY INCORRECT! THOSE IRON BUN VIDEOS HAVE BEEN DOING WONDERS FOR MY PERT POSTERIOR!" Papyrus began doing robust squats in the middle of the kitchen. Asriel and Chara both shielded their eyes in horror. 

 **"Yeesh, you think you could take that into another room, buddy? I do not need to see any skeleton buns today."** Chara stumbled forward blindly, and tripped over a brick. Luckily, the bricks broke their fall. 

"I AM MERELY DEMONSTRATING MY TECHNIQUE, OTHER HUMAN! BUT IF YOU WISH FOR PRIVATE LESSONS, HERE'S MY NUMBER." Papyrus tossed a paper dart at them.

 **"We're going to be living in the same house, why would I need your number for private lessons?"** Chara unfolded the dart, finding a tiny crayon drawing of a Papyrus head with his number written underneath. They softened a little when they saw it.  **"...Maybe I'll take you up on that offer."**

"So mom, what are we having for breakfast?" Asriel asked conversationally and also ravenously. He hadn't eaten anything other than that cake last night in... quite a while. 

"Breakfast?" Toriel became confused! "These ingredients aren't for breakfast; we're having a potluck at the Freedom Day celebration, this evening. Sans was supposed to heat up a pizza for breakfast." Every eye and socket in the room turned towards Sans, who appeared to be dozing under the table. He cracked open one socket, and saw the stares directed at him. 

"...whoops." 

Sans was then devoured without remorse.

Actually they all just ate pancakes and it was nice the end. 


	89. Anniversary

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Looking back on the things that allowed us to move forward.

Once breakfast was sufficiently destroyed, Toriel stood from the table and clapped her hands to gain everyone's attention. She paused, a thoughtful look taking up residence on her face, and clapped again. She clapped twice more, paused, and then began clapping up a steady beat. Slowly but surely, everyone started clapping along. Rhythms and melodies compounded and compiled, forming a song without words or instruments. And then, everything came to a halt. Sans lowered his sunglasses, and pulled out his six string bass. There was a brief moment of hushed anticipation before bony fingers began dancing across the strings, strumming up a low, dark beat. Papyrus leapt wordlessly atop the kitchen table, which slowly lowered into the ground, only for a full drumset to replace it, with Papyrus at the helm. He summoned a pair of bone drum sticks, and drummed up a crazed, rolling beat. Asriel stomped on the floor, the tiles parting to spit out his custom made four necked, eighty two string electric guitar. He shredded the strings until they shrieked and wailed, roaring into his microphone. Toriel summoned her synthesizer in a burst of pyrotechnics, and added a distant, cosmic backing to the song that was slowly forming. Chara pulled their rhythm guitar from behind Frisk's ear, and absolutely fucking murdered it, head whipping back and forth. They growled and roared alongside Asriel, providing a contrasting dissonance. A crowd had gathered at this point, and also they were on stage in an open field for some reason. Hundreds watched with bated breath as Frisk stepped up to their microphone. They smiled at the crowd, flashed a 'V' for victory, and then blasted an unholy amalgam of sounds into the mic. The crowd erupted into cheers as every piece of the song came together into something beautifully brutal, passionate lyrics exploding out from the deepest parts of Frisk's diaphragm. They slid fluidly between heartfelt cleans and rumbling growls, with Asriel and Chara harmonizing. The energy built, the beat intensified, guitars roared, synthesized sounds blared, and the bass kept everything tied neatly together for the final climactic moments. The three vocalists belted out the final words, notes hanging long and loud in the air. There was a final strum of Asriel's guitar, and then everything went silent... and the crowd exploded, cheering and screaming and tossing socks up onto the stage. How scandalous. Everyone took a bow, even Papyrus who was sitting down and ended up just kind of slamming his forehead into his drumset.

And then they were back in the kitchen as if nothing had ever happened. "Well, that certainly killed some time," Toriel said brightly. "Now, let's do the dishes before we begin cooking for the potluck." Frisk perked up, leaping through the air like a great white shark before flopping onto the table, on which they proceeded to eat everyone's plates. Fortunately, they were made of paper instead of ceramic, this time. "Very good, my child. You get a gold star." Toriel lifted one of her giant floppy ears, holding her snootle and blowing air out. From underneath the mass of fur that resided under her ear, a sheet of stickers slowly emerged. She peeled a tiny gold star off the sheet, and gently stuck it on the very tip of Frisk's nose. They beamed at her, spinning around in circles. 

"Frisk didn't even give us a chance to help! That's not fair!" Asriel whined. 

Toriel smiled consolitorially at him. "Now now, I'm sure you will have many opportunities to earn your very own gold star sticker-"

"BAH! YOU THINK I, THE ABSOLUTE GOD OF HYPERDEATH, HAVE NEED OF YOUR PALTRY IMITATIONS? NAY! THE ONLY STARS I REQUIRE ARE MINE OWN!" Asriel cackled maniacally, raising his arms high above his head and expulsing rainbow energy from his palms. The magic swirled and expanded above his head, flashing and pulsing chaotically. With a roar he swung his arms, the energy solidifying into... three tiny stars, which clattered anticlimactically to the floor. There was a pause as Asriel scooped them off the floor and carefully stuck them to his face. 

Everyone stared in silence. "...anyway, what are we makin' for the potluck-" Sans paused as Papyrus climbed onto his back, leaning all the way over to stare upside down at him. "we're not making spaghetti. that'd surely be a... dish-aster." 

"OH? AND WHAT'S YOUR SURE-TO-BE-LADEN-WITH-PUNS SUGGESTION, BROTHER? YOUR STRANGE SUGAR QUICHE THAT IS AN AFFRONT AGAINST ALL HARD WORKING, BLUE COLLAR QUICHES? I SHOULD THINK NOT!"

 **"Can't we just order pizza or something? It's not like those chumps will know the difference,"** Chara suggested helpfully. Sans looked at them with a newfound respect. Finally, someone else that could understand his laziness. 

"I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT THE PROBLEM IS WITH MAKING SPAGHETTI! SURE, WE EAT IT FOR DINNER EVERY OTHER NIGHT, WHICH MEANS YOU SHOULD ALL BE MORE THAN ACCLIMATED TO HOW TERRIB- I MEAN, INCREDIBLE IT IS! BESIDES, I'VE BEEN TAKING CLASSES, AND PRACTICING REALLY HARD!" Papyrus clasped his hands in front of his face, looking heartfelt and pitiful with his big, dewy... er, sockets, and his quivering... teeth? Okay no he was actually still terrifying. 

"Perhaps we can make a compromise, dear? I was looking up recipes on that new fangled 'internet' device, and I found one for a dish called 'pasta salad'. I also found a recipe for lasagna, as well as one for an Italian pasta soup. Best of all, we're going to be making our own pasta noodles!" Toriel beamed encouragingly for all of half a second before she was encased in bony arms. 

"TRULY, YOU HAVE SPOKEN TO THE DEEPEST REACHES OF MY SOUL ON THIS DAY. AND YOU HAVE SAID TO IT 'OH MIGHTY PAPYRUS, LET'S COOK SOME PASTA TOGETHER'! AND MY ANSWER IS A RESOUNDING YES!" Papyrus tossed the goat monster up into the air, and she squealed loudly as he caught her and placed her directly in front of the stove. "SHOW US THE WAY, OH TORIEL! WELL, SHOW EVERYONE ELSE THE WAY. AS THE MASTER OF PASTA, I ALREADY KNOW EVERYTHING YOU'RE GOING TO SAY BEFORE YOU SAY IT! BUT I WILL LISTEN TO IT ANYWAY, TO VALIDATE YOUR EFFORTS." 

"I shall do you proud, master chef Papyrus," Toriel promised solemnly, quirking a smile. 

*Cooking Start! 

The cooking process was a gruelling one. Toriel barked orders louder than the entire Snowdin Canine Unit combined, adjusting her government issue steel pot helmet and puffing on her comically oversized cigar. Her underlings worked like a well oiled machine, except all the parts were in the wrong place and frequently argued with one another and also occasionally caught on fire, which the oil did not help with. Papyrus worked with destructive levels of over-enthusiasm, frequently breaking or dropping things in his haste to get them done. They also had to stop him from pressing his face into the pasta dough to make Papyrus noodles. Asriel and Chara stuck to each other like glue, mostly because they were constantly shoving each other or otherwise scuffling. Chara was the instigator of at least one hundred and eight percent of the kerfuffles. Chara was also an alligator in every single one of the conflicts, and made Asriel play the part of the torn apart antelope. Sans was... asleep, most of the time. He occasionally landed face first in bowls of broth and dough and tomato sauce and cheese, and he somehow fit himself into a pot on the stove and dozed off. Frisk was the only one that seemed receptive to receiving orders, and even then they spent most of their time milling aimlessly about and admiring the sleeping Sans. 

But, somehow, they managed to finish the dishes. They had a full party platter of pasta salad, two casserole dishes of lasagna, and a full pot of noodle soup. Exhausted and battle worn, they all sat down and had a nice meal to celebrate their victory. And then Toriel realized they were supposed to bring the food to the celebration and they had to make it all over again. 

Finally, they all stood around the kitchen table, dressed up in pahrtee clothings that I will not be describing ever okay don't even think I will- Papyrus wore a slick leather jacket with fire stripes painted on the sides, along with leather pants so tight that his legs looked like they were wrapped in electrical tape. He also had a pair of sunglasses taped to his face. Sans wore a neat button up and finely pressed slacks-HAH JUST KIDDING, he actually wore one of his few actual sweaters, which read 'Born To Be Filed' and had a little picture of a manilla folder on it, along with a pair of sneakers and some sweatpants. Toriel wore a light, airy dress with a winter jacket to block out some of the December chill. Asriel, being about the same height and clothing size as Papyrus, was left with a 'RAD DUDE' long sleeved shirt and track pants. Frisk and Chara had also teamed up to tie a bow on one of his horns, and he was busy pouting about it. Chara and Frisk wore exact contrasts of each other's outfits, with opposite color patterns and accessories. I'm sure you can extrapolate from that information what sort of things they are wearing not that anyone CARES-

"so uh, what kinda transport we got lined up for when we hit the road? i doubt the red hot roadster™ can car-ry all of us." Sans was carefully lifted off the floor by his brother, and then turned upside down to be balanced on top of his skull. "i probably deserve this." 

"I think Mettaton arranged a limo to pick us up," Frisk spoke up for possibly the first time in this chapter. 

 **"I've never been in a limo before. You think he'll let me drive it?"** Chara's smile promised terrible things would happen, were they to be allowed behind the wheel of an automobile. 

"Considering you'd most likely use it to mow people down, I'm going to say no." Asriel leaned his chin on the top of their head, greatly enjoying his height advantage. At least he was, until Chara viciously yanked on his ears. "Owwww, Chara, quit iiiiiit!" 

Toriel put on her most fearsome Mom Face, and they both separated so fast they left behind afterimages. "You're both going to behave for the celebration. Am I understood?" Asriel and Chara nodded rapidly, rictus smiles on their faces. Luckily, an extremely funky car horn beeped outside. "Oh, that must be our transport. Papyrus, Sans, would you both-" Toriel paused, and reconsidered her options. "Frisk, you and I will be carrying the food." Papyrus released a deflating 'NYEEEEHH' of sadness, and Sans breathed a sigh of relief. 

Once all the food was situated, they all crammed through the front door, only to be greeted by the sight of the marvelous, magnificent MTT lounging seductively atop his limousine. "Well darlings, don't you all look absolutely wonderful this evening! Hop on in, everyone, the party awaits!" Mettaton swooced in through the sun roof, the side door opening up to reveal Alphys, Undyne, and Asgore also crammed into the limo. 

"Sup, nerds? You ready for the most AWESOME Freedom Day ever?!" Undyne pumped her fist into the air, sending a pair of tupperware containers filled with chips and ramen crashing into the ceiling of the limo.

Alphys scrambled to catch them, fumbling with her tiny dinosaur claws for a solid grip. "U-Undyne, this is our f-first Freedom Day." 

"Which is why we gotta make it extra special, duh!" 

"We will have many more Freedom Days to come," Asgore spoke up. "But the first will surely prove to be the most fondly remembered." He smiled widely at his children, gesturing for them to come sit beside him. Chara and Asriel stepped into the limo without hesitation, Chara innocently shoving their brother in the back to send him face first into the seat. Frisk bit their lip, hesitating. 

"Go ahead, my child. I'm sure they will be happy to sit with you." Toriel smiled gently, giving them a little push to get them moving. Frisk grinned back at her, bright and cheerful, and crawled on top of a gloating Chara, who began complaining loudly over the sound of Asgore's deep chuckles. "Come along boys, you're next." 

"NYES, INTO THE LIMO WE SHALL GO! I WOULD HAVE PREFERRED A HELICOPTER, PERSONALLY. OR A LIMOCOPTER! DR. ALPHYS, WILL YOU HELP ME DESIGN A LIMOCOPTER?" Papyrus bowled his dozing brother into the limo, where he was caught by Mettaton. They exchanged a wink, and then Papyrus swooced right in. 

"W-well, the shape of a l-limousine isn't really.. c-conducive to a-aerial..." She paused, seeing the innocent, hopeful look on the lanky skeleton's face. "I-I'll see what I could do." She squealed as she was brought in for a massive, bony hug. Toriel watched on fondly for a moment before stepping inside, settling on Undyne's other side. Frisk and Mettaton exchanged glances, and then the snoozing Sans was passed into their arms, where he was cradled like a skeletal baby.  

The limo ride was short but sweet, with much conversation shared and bonding to be had. There were no traffic jams, or explosions, or high speed chases. They didn't have to dodge through millions of drivers, or fly through buildings, or fight off invading aliens. Even without all of that, they still had a nice time. But their ride came to an end almost as soon as it had begun, and they all filed out into the main entrance of central park. Normally fairly sparsely populated, tonight it was absolutely jam packed with monsters of all shapes, sizes, and colors, along with a fair smattering of humans. Families and friends sat on blankets, and frequently intermingled with their neighbors. Everyone seemed truly, genuinely happy. The sight of it filled Frisk with warmth, and hope. Mettaton led their little group over to a clear patch of grass, which had been spraypainted a glittery magenta. He unrolled a massive blanket, spreading it out far enough to comfortably fit everyone. "We have at least forty minutes until the fireworks, darlings. So what say we enjoy our food in the meantime?" 

"INDEED! LET US START WITH THE FOOD THAT IS SURE TO BE, 'THE BOMB', AS THE COOL KIDS SAY. METTATON, AS ONE OF THE COOL KIDS, CAN YOU CONFIRM OR DENY IF THAT IS INDEED A PHRASE THEY USE?!" Papyrus practically stood on top of Mettaton's head, he was standing so close. 

Mettaton considered his options carefully. "...Yes." 

"I KNEW IT! TAKE THAT, SANS!" Papyrus whooped in victory, tossing his brother like a football. Luckily he landed in a tree, and was able to be retrieved with Asgore's fireman skills. 

"wow papyrus you really went the whole nine yards with that throw, huh?" He snarked, feeling emboldened by the presence of Asgore. 

"Please do try not to rile up your brother, Sans," Asgore said in his most fatherly tone. "Perhaps you should.. bone down on the puns." They both laughed and slapped each other's knees as Papyrus huffed and retrieved the various pasta dishes. 

"EAT OF MINE PASTA, DEAR FRIENDS! EAT, AND BE MERRY, AND FORGET ABOUT SANS' TERRIBLE PUNS FOR A SHORT WHILE!" They all piled their food in the center, with a tray of steak kebabs from Mettaton, snacks and ramen from Undyne and Alphys, the various pasta dishes from (mostly) Toriel, and a butterscotch cinnamon pie from Asgore. 

"I never could figure out your recipe," Asgore admitted, looking slightly sheepish. "But I hope it turned out okay anyway." He watched meekly as Toriel looked over his pie with a critical eye. 

"...I'm sure it will be lovely," she admitted softly. Asgore brightened immensely, and immediately began cutting slices for everyone. They all chatted over their food for a while, the sound of idle talks accompanied by Undyne's shouts, Papyrus' 'NYEH!'s, Sans and Frisk's combo puns, Mettaton's boasting, and Asriel and Chara's bickering. But as the time of the fireworks approached, everything slowly quieted down. Asgore and Mettaton sat a perfectly polite distance away from one another, their hands occasionally touching. The robot had a knowing smirk on his face, and Asgore was doing his best to appear oblivious. Alphys was seated comfortably in Undyne's lap, and appeared more dazzled by the stars than embarrassed about her position. Undyne's normal, toothy grin had softened into something fond and personal, and her eyes were trained more on the brilliant scientist in her lap than the sky above. Asriel lay with his head on his sibling's chest, staring in wonder at the sky while adamantly protesting that he wasn't crying, as tears soaked into the fur under his eyes. Chara simply enjoyed the closeness, and the majesty of the stars. Not that they'd tell anyone. Papyrus and Toriel sat on either side of Sans and Frisk, Papyrus quaking as he tried to hold back an eruption of tears, and Toriel gently wiping her eyes. The skeleton and human held hands, soft flesh against hard bone. Dark sockets stared into soulful eyes, and a tiny smile was met with a sincere grin. 

Then, overhead, the night sky lit up in an array of brilliant colors. Fireworks screamed into the sky and erupted into dazzling shapes and patterns, and the people below were awash in color. Monsters and humans sat together in a show of solidarity and mutual celebration. Lovers kissed, friends and family drew close, and complete strangers embraced under the sparkling radiance that painted the lands below. The display went on for what could have been misconstrued for an eternity, before there was a lull in the steady stream of fireworks. Bigger, brighter, more brilliant; an array of fireworks streaked overhead, erupting all at once to form the words that brought a collective cheer from everyone watching, one that drowned out even the pops and crackles in the air above. 

'HAPPY FREEDOM DAY!' 


End file.
